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- The jake and DIrk poem, that I WROTE, for some one who i admire, And had a birthdayh, because hes a really swell guy, who like's to Evoke Expansive thoughts within the minds of Ppl who love great art and, if i could give him a smile or a Humorous chuckle by this, well heck That'd Would Be Just Great
- by Vivian
- DIRK: Oh, hey. Sorry I’ve been quiet for a bit.
- JAKE: Perish the thought!
- JAKE: I know how you get when youre dick deep in robots.
- DIRK: By Jake alone could such words be guilelessly said.
- DIRK: Uh, but yeah, something that’s been in the back of my head.
- DIRK: What was that weirdly charming thing you said we were like?
- JAKE: Ah! Youll recall it was, “Peas and carrots”!
- DIRK: Peas and carrots, that’s right.
- DIRK: I liked that, but I forgot what it’s from.
- JAKE: Forrest gump!
- DIRK: Oh fuck me sideways.
- JAKE: !?
- DIRK: Now I feel like a tremendous chump.
- JAKE: Why the hey? Forrest’s a stupendous gump from a peerless drama!
- JAKE: That Forrest had gusto to spare. Not to mention a fearless mama!
- JAKE: By gum, her spunky selfless antics just filled me with elation!
- JAKE: Remember how she boned the principal for Forrests education?
- DIRK: I do. Wish I didn’t.
- JAKE: And how elvis jacked forrests swagger instead of black artists?
- JAKE: And how forrest’s friend jenny got hit by aids hardest?
- DIRK: Yeah, uh. The big man might want to call a time-out on that claim.
- DIRK: Dude, don’t you think there are people who that portrayal defames?
- JAKE: Defame schemame. Now makes its debut: striderian snootiness!
- JAKE: Disdain for whats plain as punch yet is inherently beauteous!
- DIRK: It’s not exactly snooty that manipulative schmaltz makes me ill at ease.
- DIRK: That weird Vietnam revisionism. Forrest with the war criminal Lyndon B.
- DIRK: Ugh. That vaguely racist Forrest-aura that kept the protagonist from harm.
- DIRK: A plot which intoduces... the new friend, Bubba, who was born to die in Forrest’s arms.
- DIRK: Stuff like that is why I’m on the negative side of our particular Gump-opinion-schism.
- DIRK: Cause it’s schlock fabricated to insulate a long-past generation from self-criticism.
- JAKE: Aha! Funny you should mention the lifetime performance of donny glover.
- JAKE: Cause theres a tidbit of reason youve yet to reckon with, lover.
- JAKE: Theres a lesson in donny glovers story, and a reason he took home oscar glory.
- JAKE: His small role puffed up with joie de vivre! His life fully lived before death most gory!
- JAKE: Qualitys got a savoir-faire, a quintessence, and no man can mistake it.
- JAKE: Be the writing ever so dog shit, its the oomph of passion that makes it.
- JAKE: Cant you just feel it oozing? The gumpean passion that leaks out of tom hanks!
- DIRK: If you’re asking me to consider Tom’s ooze or his leakages, the answer’s definitely “no thanks.”
- DIRK: Dribbling pus or passion aside, it’s with the takeaway that I’ve got compunctions.
- JAKE: But isnt it the person viewing, that molds their own takeaway and imbues it with gumption?
- DIRK: Toxic garbage is as toxic garbage does. No matter if the audience puts their voice in.
- DIRK: I’ll never like that shitty movie, and I feel like all mentions of it are poisoned.
- JAKE: Well. We may be at an impasse. But instead of feeling like a first-class horses ass,
- JAKE: Id instead like to beg my pal and paramour to not throw a pet name out like nasty trash.
- JAKE: Whatever you got from that movie, even by irony, why all of that is all yours!
- JAKE: Whether you wept like me big gobs of tears or hit the ground laughing on all fours.
- DIRK: You’ve got a point, though it’s no fair baiting me with talk of an all-fours position.
- JAKE: (Gulp...!)
- DIRK: Despite all havoc wrought by such a propaganda mess, there’s, yeah, value in my ironic derision.
- DIRK: And there’s some value in that dorky pet name too.
- DIRK: Let not my snobbery be as disdain miscontrued.
- JAKE: So its decided! “Peas and carrots” is our pet name, our badge of honor and love!
- JAKE: Theres no more boffo sign of bonding, at least none that my brain can think of!
- JAKE: Let he who thinks theres a more spot-on symbol be proclaimed a brainless bumpkin!
- DIRK: (Feels like we’re missing something obvious... but I don’t know what somethin’?)
- DIRK: But yeah.
- DIRK: Lyrical and philosophical waxing aside.
- DIRK: It’s you and me.
- DIRK: Peas and carrots, buddy.
- JAKE: Oh Dirk. Im just over the moon that you see things my way.
- JAKE: It really is just like they say... “Life is like a box of chocolates!”
- DIRK: “You need to watch out because like a good 40% of it tastes like utter shit and if you’re not careful sometimes it can horribly kill you.”
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