29 to Life (2018)

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(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

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Subtitles by explosiveskull

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♪ Stay up ♪

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("STAY UP" BY TONEZ THE PRINCE)

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♪ I woke up this mornin' ♪

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♪ Feel good, feel flawless ♪

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♪ Good vibes, I'm on it ♪

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♪ I don't do what they say ♪

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♪ I do what I wanna ♪

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♪ Shout out to my ego ♪

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♪ 'Cause it keep it
flyer than an eagle ♪

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♪ You can grow up and have it
all right in front of you ♪

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♪ Money show up and lose
it all, what you gonna do ♪

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♪ Oh ♪

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♪ And they act like they
know how it feels, yeah ♪

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♪ They don't know like
I know, like I know ♪

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♪ And when it all goes bad
to the left, to the left ♪

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♪ And when it all goes
bad to the right, hey ♪

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♪ Uno, uno, dos, tres ♪

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♪ Everything's gonna be o-kay ♪

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♪ Though life could throw
you lemons, stay up ♪

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♪ Remember that you're
livin', stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Stay up, stay up, don't
you stay down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Stay up ♪

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♪ Go for your dreams, you
will only get closer ♪

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♪ One door may close
but another will open ♪

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♪ Don't you be sad, get that
dirt off your shoulder ♪

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♪ If you believe in it,
you can move boulders ♪

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♪ And they act like they
know how it feels, yeah ♪

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Here's your shit.

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Can't we talk about this?

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Talk about what?

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The fact that you're a loser

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and you're always
going to be a loser?

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Well, we could do that,

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but I don't wanna make the
conversation all about me.

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Everything is
always a joke to you.

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Can't you take anything serious?

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I'm serious about
us, about you.

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Doesn't that count?

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Come on, let's go back
inside and talk about this.

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When we met, you told
me you were a chef.

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I thought you were going places.

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Come to find out, you live
at home with your parents

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and you don't even have a job.

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Well, I can get
a job if I want to.

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I'm just waiting
for the right one.

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Wait, is this what
this is all about?

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That's what'll make you happy?

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Oh my god, I will go out
and get a job right now.

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Face it, Barnaby, you're
never going to change.

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You're always going to be a bum

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who lives at home
with mom and dad,

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and I'm not going to waste
another second of my life

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in a relationship
with a failed cook.

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You take that back.

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I'm a chef.

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No, you're a cook.

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Do you even know
what the difference

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between a chef and a cook is?

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'Cause I'm pretty sure a cook

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wouldn't have a culinary degree.

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Goodbye Barnaby.

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And I'm pretty sure a cook

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wouldn't have a
badass set of knives.

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Well, maybe he would,

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but he wouldn't have a badass
set of knives like this.

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Where are my knives?

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(THUD)
Ah!

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What, are you psycho?

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Who throws knives at people?

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What if one of 'em had come
out and hit me in the face?

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You know what, I'm
glad we're breaking up

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'cause you're obviously crazy.

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I'm sorry babe, I
didn't mean that.

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You're not crazy.

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Maybe just a little, but
that's why I love you.

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Really?

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You're not gonna give me
back my autographed football?

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Do you have any idea how long

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it took me to forge
those signatures?

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(THUD)
Oh!

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Would you stop throwing
stuff at my face?

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And don't bother calling.

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I'm changing my number.

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And one more thing,

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I've always hated your cooking.

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♪ They don't know like
I know, like I know ♪

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♪ Though life could throw
you lemons, stay up ♪

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♪ Remember, remember that
you're livin', stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Stay up, stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Stay up, stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Stay up ♪

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(KNOCKING)

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♪ Aight ♪

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♪ They don't know, they don't
know how it feels, yeah ♪

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Dear Barnaby, your
father and I have decided

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it's time for you to do
something with your life.

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(SPEAKING FAINTLY)

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Is this some kind of a joke?

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Come on, Dad, I
know you're home.

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I can see you
through the window.

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(GENTLE MUSIC)

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(WHISTLING)

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(DOOR CLOSES)

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(GROANING)

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(ENGINE STARTS)

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("OUT OF MY MIND"
BY TRIN MONSTA)

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♪ Outta my mind ♪

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♪ I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
I'm, I'm outta my mind ♪

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♪ Yes sir, I'm outta my mind ♪

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♪ I agree, I'm outta my mind ♪

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♪ I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
I'm, I'm outta my mind ♪

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♪ I agree, I'm outta my mind ♪

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♪ I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm out ♪

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(DOOR CLOSES)

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(OCEAN WAVES)

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(GENTLE UKULELE MUSIC)

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♪ I am livin' out of my car ♪

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♪ And my life won't go too far ♪

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♪ My girlfriend broke
up with me, so ♪

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♪ I am sittin' here all alone ♪

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(BAG RUSTLING)

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(SIGHS)

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(BAG RUSTLING)

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(EXHALES)

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♪ They don't know like
I know, like I know ♪

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♪ Though life could throw
you lemons, stay up ♪

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♪ Remember that you're livin' ♪

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♪ Stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Stay up, stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Stay up ♪

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♪ Aight ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Stay up, stay up ♪

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♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

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♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

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Oh, no, oh!

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♪ Aight ♪

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♪ They don't know, they
don't how it feels, yeah ♪

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♪ They don't know like
I know, like I know ♪

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(EXHALING)

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(KIDS YELLING)

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[WILL] Hey, old man,
wanna play a game of pig?

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Are you talkin' to me?

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I don't see any other senior
citizens playing basketball.

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Do you?

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Are you sure you
can play basketball?

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I don't what you dyin' on
me from a heart attack.

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And I don't want you to fall
over and dislocate your hip.

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Ooh, good one.

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Haven't heard that
a million times.

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Well, I don't want
ya to take a break

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midway through the game
and go get a cheeseburger.

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And I don't want you to
cheat while we're playing

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and fart dust in my eyes.

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This is gettin' old,
are we gonna play or not?

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Fine, but I get ball first.

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Before I sink this, 20
bucks says I beat you.

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Fine, you wanna
bet on the game?

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Let's make it 40 then.

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Fine with me.

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You got 40 bucks on ya?

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[WILL] Sure do, do you?

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Of course I do.

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What do I look like, a kid?

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All right then, game on.

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(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

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Aw, that's too bad.

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♪ Someone's got a P ♪

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Check it out kid,
my eyes closed.

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[BARNABY] Easy shot.

190
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Look who else has a P.

191
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Looks like we're all tied up.

192
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So?

193
00:10:20,431 --> 00:10:22,700
We both know you're gonna
miss this next shot.

194
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What was that about me
missin' the next shot?

195
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Don't tell me you're nervous.

196
00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:45,725
That's 40 bucks, pay up.

197
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20...

198
00:10:52,566 --> 00:10:53,399
40.

199
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:59,070
Nice doin' business
with ya, old timer.

200
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:02,474
Whatever, just don't
spend it all on one meal.

201
00:11:02,476 --> 00:11:04,709
Buy some vegetables.

202
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♪ They don't know like
I know, like I know ♪

203
00:11:07,448 --> 00:11:12,418
♪ Though like could throw
you lemons, stay up ♪

204
00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:17,090
♪ Remember, remember that
you're livin', stay up ♪

205
00:11:17,092 --> 00:11:18,525
♪ Don't you stay down ♪

206
00:11:18,527 --> 00:11:19,827
♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

207
00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:21,062
♪ Stay up, stay up ♪

208
00:11:21,064 --> 00:11:22,362
♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

209
00:11:22,364 --> 00:11:24,765
♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

210
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,668
♪ Stay up ♪

211
00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:27,501
♪ Aight ♪

212
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:28,735
♪ Don't you stay down ♪

213
00:11:28,737 --> 00:11:29,771
♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

214
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,006
♪ Stay up, stay up ♪

215
00:11:31,008 --> 00:11:32,308
♪ Don't you stay
down, don't do it ♪

216
00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:34,610
♪ Don't you stay down,
don't you stay down ♪

217
00:11:34,612 --> 00:11:36,578
♪ Stay up ♪

218
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:39,682
♪ Aight ♪

219
00:11:39,684 --> 00:11:43,319
♪ They don't know, they
don't know how it feels ♪

220
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Things just keep
gettin' better and better.

221
00:11:45,957 --> 00:11:47,357
("GOOD TIME" BY MYNOR
G FT. ADRIAN CRUSH)

222
00:11:47,359 --> 00:11:49,758
♪ Woo ♪

223
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,029
♪ Mynor G ♪

224
00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:53,698
(LAUGHS)

225
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,633
♪ A-G ♪

226
00:11:55,635 --> 00:11:57,033
♪ Let's have a good time now ♪

227
00:11:57,035 --> 00:11:58,502
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

228
00:11:58,504 --> 00:11:59,604
♪ Uh uh ♪

229
00:11:59,606 --> 00:12:00,771
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

230
00:12:00,773 --> 00:12:02,006
♪ Yeah ♪

231
00:12:02,008 --> 00:12:03,541
♪ I've been havin' a
bad day all week, man ♪

232
00:12:03,543 --> 00:12:04,644
One.

233
00:12:05,244 --> 00:12:07,244
Two, three.

234
00:12:07,246 --> 00:12:08,212
♪ 6:00 a.m. in the morning ♪

235
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13, 14.

236
00:12:09,949 --> 00:12:12,116
♪ Alarm goes on, turn it
off 'cause it's annoyin' ♪

237
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$15.

238
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,186
♪ Where I left off in my dream ♪

239
00:12:15,188 --> 00:12:16,388
♪ Donald Trump was my slave ♪

240
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:17,856
♪ And I was treated
like a king ♪

241
00:12:17,858 --> 00:12:18,957
♪ Uh uh ♪

242
00:12:18,959 --> 00:12:20,492
♪ But I just can't go back ♪

243
00:12:20,494 --> 00:12:23,096
♪ I toss and I turn but
I just can't go back ♪

244
00:12:23,098 --> 00:12:24,330
♪ So, I stood up on my feet ♪

245
00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:25,631
♪ And I grabbed a bite to eat ♪

246
00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:27,033
♪ Put on clothes,
grab a sweater ♪

247
00:12:27,035 --> 00:12:28,167
♪ Mama, later, I'm out ♪

248
00:12:28,169 --> 00:12:29,602
♪ So peace out, Ma ♪

249
00:12:29,604 --> 00:12:31,304
♪ So, I got this good feelin' ♪

250
00:12:31,306 --> 00:12:32,539
♪ Good weather, good times ♪

251
00:12:32,541 --> 00:12:33,807
♪ Time to be chillin' ♪

252
00:12:33,809 --> 00:12:35,074
♪ I just need some
time killing ♪

253
00:12:35,076 --> 00:12:36,477
♪ And a girl to be willing ♪

254
00:12:36,479 --> 00:12:37,778
♪ To have fun for one night ♪

255
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:39,712
♪ Before them legs
begin splittin' ♪

256
00:12:39,714 --> 00:12:40,680
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

257
00:12:40,682 --> 00:12:42,449
♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

258
00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:45,053
♪ Roll it up, drink it
up until the sun rise ♪

259
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:47,689
♪ Feelin' good, got a
bad chick on my side ♪

260
00:12:47,691 --> 00:12:48,922
♪ Party up, oh, oh ♪

261
00:12:48,924 --> 00:12:50,558
♪ Let's have a good time ♪

262
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:51,559
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

263
00:12:51,561 --> 00:12:53,127
♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

264
00:12:53,129 --> 00:12:54,129
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

265
00:12:54,131 --> 00:12:55,764
♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

266
00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:56,831
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

267
00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:58,434
♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

268
00:12:58,436 --> 00:13:01,003
♪ Roll it up, drink it up,
let's have a good time ♪

269
00:13:01,005 --> 00:13:02,037
♪ Oh oh, oh oh ♪

270
00:13:02,039 --> 00:13:03,638
♪ Gonna have a good time ♪

271
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,308
♪ Roll it up, drink it
up until the sun rise ♪

272
00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:08,979
♪ Feeling good, got a
bad chick on my side ♪

273
00:13:08,981 --> 00:13:12,581
♪ Roll it up, drink it up,
let's have a good time ♪

274
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,417
(GROANS)

275
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,221
I'm so hungry.

276
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,402
I'll bet they'll
have food there.

277
00:13:31,372 --> 00:13:32,673
(ENGINE STARTS)

278
00:13:33,407 --> 00:13:35,843
(UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC)

279
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:43,017
[NOAH] Barnaby?

280
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:45,551
Barnaby, is that you?

281
00:13:45,553 --> 00:13:47,052
(SIGHS)

282
00:13:47,054 --> 00:13:48,988
Actually, it's Arnie.

283
00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:50,223
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait,

284
00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:51,357
are you livin' out of your car?

285
00:13:51,359 --> 00:13:52,791
Why would you think that?

286
00:13:52,793 --> 00:13:54,994
Dude, aw dude,
no, check this out.

287
00:13:54,996 --> 00:13:56,796
He's livin' out of his car.

288
00:13:56,798 --> 00:14:00,468
It's Arnie, and I never said
I was living out of my car.

289
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:02,335
[CHRIS] Damn
bro, what happened?

290
00:14:02,337 --> 00:14:03,803
It's none of your business.

291
00:14:03,805 --> 00:14:06,674
Well look, Noah and I are
insurance brokers downtown now.

292
00:14:06,676 --> 00:14:09,744
Yeah, nothin' too fancy
though, corner office.

293
00:14:09,746 --> 00:14:10,979
[CHRIS] Six-figure salary.

294
00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:13,615
We get to go home
to an actual home.

295
00:14:13,617 --> 00:14:16,283
But hey, you know what,
Barnaby, you're livin' the life.

296
00:14:16,285 --> 00:14:19,154
Yeah, no commitments,
nothin' to tie ya down.

297
00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,622
And at least you
get to travel, right?

298
00:14:20,624 --> 00:14:22,524
(LAUGHING)

299
00:14:22,526 --> 00:14:23,860
Really, six figures?

300
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:25,962
Yeah man, six figures.

301
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:28,530
Just so you know, when
people make six figures,

302
00:14:28,532 --> 00:14:31,568
they don't count the
numbers after the decimal,

303
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,838
and insurance brokers,
wow, I'm impressed.

304
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,174
(SLOW CLAPPING)

305
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:38,942
So what, they had
like an internship

306
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,410
for special ed graduates

307
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,381
or did they wanna diversify
the sexual orientation,

308
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,650
so they hired your two homos?

309
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:46,651
Hey, hey, hey.

310
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:47,852
Relax man, he's not worth it.

311
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,720
We're not gay.

312
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,256
When you're ready
to tie the knot,

313
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,191
I know the perfect
wedding planner.

314
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,493
[CHRIS] No, screw you.

315
00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:57,028
I appreciate the
offer, but no thanks.

316
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,098
You know what, enjoy
sleepin' in your car tonight,

317
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,068
Barnaby.

318
00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:07,640
Hey Gisele, does Tom Brady

319
00:15:07,642 --> 00:15:10,744
know you're cheatin' on
him with Forest Whitaker?

320
00:15:10,746 --> 00:15:13,915
(UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC)

321
00:15:24,661 --> 00:15:26,762
Arnie, is that you?

322
00:15:28,864 --> 00:15:29,897
Madison?

323
00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:31,232
(GIGGLES)

324
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,135
How have you been?

325
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:34,803
Did you just get here?

326
00:15:34,805 --> 00:15:36,804
Actually, I was just leaving.

327
00:15:36,806 --> 00:15:37,872
Oh, me too.

328
00:15:37,874 --> 00:15:40,342
Really, didn't it just start.

329
00:15:40,344 --> 00:15:43,713
Yeah, but I wasn't
really feeling the DJ, so.

330
00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,685
Yeah, me too, he was terrible.

331
00:15:48,086 --> 00:15:50,152
It was actually a woman DJ.

332
00:15:50,154 --> 00:15:52,555
Wait, did you not go inside?

333
00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:54,892
No, well, I was going to,

334
00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:57,260
but then I ran into
Noah and Chris,

335
00:15:57,262 --> 00:15:59,128
and I forgot that they
have crushes on me,

336
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:01,098
so I didn't want to
awkwardly deal with them

337
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,999
making passes at me all night.

338
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:05,271
Yeah, that makes sense.

339
00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:10,774
Oh, I'm in the process
of moving right now.

340
00:16:10,776 --> 00:16:12,210
Okay, yeah.

341
00:16:12,212 --> 00:16:15,746
Yeah, my last two
roommates were real dicks.

342
00:16:15,748 --> 00:16:18,150
Plus, you know, they're old

343
00:16:18,152 --> 00:16:20,752
and they were always
tellin' me what to do.

344
00:16:20,754 --> 00:16:22,188
You know, besides, I
thought my girlfriend

345
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,959
would take me more seriously
if I lived on my own.

346
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,528
Y-you have a girlfriend?

347
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,668
Well, I had one,
but I feel that

348
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,936
we'll get back together
once I get my own place.

349
00:16:36,938 --> 00:16:38,406
Oh, I see.

350
00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:42,810
Well, I-I hope it works
out between the two of you.

351
00:16:42,812 --> 00:16:44,811
Yeah, I hope so too.

352
00:16:44,813 --> 00:16:46,613
Well, uh, I have to get going,

353
00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:50,151
but maybe we can chat some
more over coffee sometime?

354
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:51,853
Yeah, that-that'd be great.

355
00:16:51,855 --> 00:16:52,956
[MADISON] Okay.

356
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,860
Oh, I'm on Facebook.

357
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:01,529
Oh, I actually
don't have Facebook.

358
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:03,032
What, why?

359
00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:05,601
Uh, I was always getting
friend requests from weirdos

360
00:17:05,603 --> 00:17:07,303
and like people poking me

361
00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:11,006
and that porn that was
popping up on my timeline.

362
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:12,508
I know, right?

363
00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:15,645
It's like, what, this hot
chick wants to be my friend,

364
00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:17,081
and then you click
on her profile

365
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,316
and you see her account
was made yesterday,

366
00:17:19,318 --> 00:17:22,085
and the porn, it's
like, whoa bro,

367
00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:23,955
I got enough porn
on other sites,

368
00:17:23,957 --> 00:17:26,056
I don't need it on Facebook.

369
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:28,492
Then you're at work or
a kid's birthday party

370
00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:31,729
scrollin' through your
Facebook feed bored as hell,

371
00:17:31,731 --> 00:17:36,101
and then bam, big ol' P in a
V. It's like, bing, bing, bing,

372
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:39,004
and then all of a sudden, your
boss or a little kid sees it.

373
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:40,939
Before you know it, you're
sittin' front row center

374
00:17:40,941 --> 00:17:42,709
at your own intervention.

375
00:17:42,711 --> 00:17:45,210
People are cryin' because
your sex addiction's

376
00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:47,682
hurtin' everyone, and yeah.

377
00:17:48,482 --> 00:17:49,317
Yeah.

378
00:17:51,552 --> 00:17:53,653
So, how we gonna
stay in touch?

379
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,589
Uh, the old-fashioned way.

380
00:17:56,591 --> 00:17:58,491
What, writin' letters?

381
00:17:58,493 --> 00:17:59,593
(CHUCKLES)

382
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,761
No, give me your hand.

383
00:18:01,763 --> 00:18:03,531
(RUMMAGES)

384
00:18:04,399 --> 00:18:05,234
Oh-oh.

385
00:18:06,069 --> 00:18:08,405
On the phone, smart.

386
00:18:09,271 --> 00:18:12,039
Letters are way too slow.

387
00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:13,375
I know.

388
00:18:13,377 --> 00:18:16,877
Well, uh, actually
have to get going,

389
00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:20,083
but see you soon, yeah?

390
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:21,051
Yeah.

391
00:18:38,003 --> 00:18:40,339
(GRUMBLING)

392
00:18:40,839 --> 00:18:41,674
Ah.

393
00:18:43,409 --> 00:18:44,244
Yeah.

394
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,281
Yeah, all you can eat.

395
00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:51,916
All you can eat, yeah.

396
00:18:51,918 --> 00:18:53,819
(GRUMBLING)

397
00:18:53,821 --> 00:18:55,119
(UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC)

398
00:18:55,121 --> 00:18:56,657
(CANS CLANGING)

399
00:19:46,877 --> 00:19:47,945
(CANS CLANGING)

400
00:19:59,558 --> 00:20:01,327
Hey, get back here!

401
00:20:22,049 --> 00:20:24,884
Dear Barnaby, your
dad and I figured

402
00:20:24,886 --> 00:20:28,721
you'd spend all the money
we gave you by now on junk,

403
00:20:28,723 --> 00:20:31,891
so here's a little
more to get you by.

404
00:20:31,893 --> 00:20:35,328
P.S. this is the last
money we're giving you.

405
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:39,901
P.P.S. the P.S. was your
dad again, love mom and dad.

406
00:20:44,239 --> 00:20:46,508
(KNOCKING)

407
00:20:54,118 --> 00:20:56,187
Go away, nobody's home.

408
00:20:57,621 --> 00:20:59,021
[MOM] Come on, Henry, can't
we just see if he's okay.

409
00:20:59,023 --> 00:21:00,088
[DAD] You're
always babying him.

410
00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:02,190
This is why he is the way he is.

411
00:21:02,192 --> 00:21:03,425
[MOM] What if he's hurt?

412
00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:06,464
[DAD] Oh, he's
fine, now come on.

413
00:21:07,665 --> 00:21:08,933
Love you too.

414
00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:15,073
(BIRDS CHIRPING)

415
00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:22,748
Ugh!

416
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:34,961
Uh!

417
00:21:43,104 --> 00:21:45,273
(HUMMING)

418
00:21:48,009 --> 00:21:50,578
(UPBEAT MUSIC)

419
00:22:47,239 --> 00:22:48,073
Hm.

420
00:22:49,909 --> 00:22:52,843
This is quite the impressive
resume you have here, Barnaby.

421
00:22:52,845 --> 00:22:54,679
Please, call me Arnie.

422
00:22:54,681 --> 00:22:56,348
All right, Arnie.

423
00:22:56,350 --> 00:22:58,617
This is quite the
impressive resume.

424
00:22:58,619 --> 00:23:00,252
Thank you, sir.

425
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:01,753
On thing though, it says here

426
00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:05,792
you were a game developer
for Atari from 1980 to '84.

427
00:23:05,794 --> 00:23:08,162
Exactly how old are you?

428
00:23:08,896 --> 00:23:10,129
It says 1980 on there?

429
00:23:10,131 --> 00:23:12,532
[OFFICE MANAGER]
That's correct.

430
00:23:12,534 --> 00:23:15,937
Uh, just a second, 30, 34,

431
00:23:16,537 --> 00:23:20,442
42, 43, I'm 44.

432
00:23:21,743 --> 00:23:25,413
Wow, really, you don't
look a day over 29.

433
00:23:26,548 --> 00:23:28,047
Well, unfortunately, you're-

434
00:23:28,049 --> 00:23:30,517
you're a bit
overqualified for the job,

435
00:23:30,519 --> 00:23:32,354
but thank you for coming in.

436
00:23:32,356 --> 00:23:36,393
Let me just cross off
a few of these here.

437
00:23:36,859 --> 00:23:38,327
Uh, huh.

438
00:23:38,929 --> 00:23:40,762
(MUMBLES)

439
00:23:40,764 --> 00:23:43,200
And there we go.

440
00:23:43,934 --> 00:23:45,101
I think you'll find

441
00:23:45,103 --> 00:23:48,406
I'm just the right
amount of qualified now.

442
00:23:49,139 --> 00:23:50,839
I like your style,

443
00:23:50,841 --> 00:23:53,276
but I'm afraid someone with
your amount of experience

444
00:23:53,278 --> 00:23:55,412
would just get bored.

445
00:23:55,414 --> 00:23:57,213
But I'll keep your
resume on file,

446
00:23:57,215 --> 00:24:01,183
and if something should come
up, I'll give you a call.

447
00:24:01,185 --> 00:24:03,755
(UPBEAT MUSIC)

448
00:24:09,529 --> 00:24:10,861
It says that
you were on a team

449
00:24:10,863 --> 00:24:13,431
that developed a
vaccine for SARS?

450
00:24:13,433 --> 00:24:14,499
Is that what it says?

451
00:24:14,501 --> 00:24:16,702
Uh, yup, right there.

452
00:24:16,704 --> 00:24:17,871
Yeah.

453
00:24:19,072 --> 00:24:22,075
Well then, yes, I
was on that team.

454
00:24:23,010 --> 00:24:25,444
Mm-hmm, it was a
lotta long days,

455
00:24:25,446 --> 00:24:27,146
about five of them to be exact.

456
00:24:27,148 --> 00:24:30,550
Wait, you cured
SARS in five days?

457
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:32,452
That's what I just said.

458
00:24:32,454 --> 00:24:37,459
You know, I remember
the day I cured SARS.

459
00:24:38,659 --> 00:24:42,364
I was like, guys,
I think I got it.

460
00:24:43,099 --> 00:24:45,201
I think I got the cure.

461
00:24:46,602 --> 00:24:50,638
And they were like, no way,
and I was like, yes way,

462
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,376
and then I showed them the
cure, and they were like, nice,

463
00:24:54,378 --> 00:24:56,578
except for Jessica, she
was a little jealous,

464
00:24:56,580 --> 00:24:59,480
so she was like, psh, whatever.

465
00:24:59,482 --> 00:25:02,316
Anyway, we went out in public,

466
00:25:02,318 --> 00:25:05,587
then started stickin'
needles in people

467
00:25:05,589 --> 00:25:09,025
and just like that,
SARS is cured.

468
00:25:09,027 --> 00:25:10,793
Just like that.

469
00:25:10,795 --> 00:25:12,195
Yeah, just like that.

470
00:25:12,197 --> 00:25:13,429
So, you just went out

471
00:25:13,431 --> 00:25:16,097
and started sticking
needles in people?

472
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:20,336
Um, yeah, I mean, how do
you think people get vaccines?

473
00:25:20,338 --> 00:25:21,771
(LAUGHS)

474
00:25:21,773 --> 00:25:24,941
Um, I don't know,
doctors' appointments.

475
00:25:24,943 --> 00:25:28,045
Oh yeah, well,
you could do that,

476
00:25:28,047 --> 00:25:30,014
but SARS was spreading fast,

477
00:25:30,016 --> 00:25:32,650
and we were under
emergency protocol.

478
00:25:32,652 --> 00:25:33,487
Right.

479
00:25:34,921 --> 00:25:37,689
Um, I'm actually gonna have
to get back to you on the job,

480
00:25:37,691 --> 00:25:40,258
um, but you don't mind if I
hang onto your resume, do you?

481
00:25:40,260 --> 00:25:42,060
So, I can show everyone.

482
00:25:42,062 --> 00:25:44,028
I mean, it's not every
day the guy who cured SARS

483
00:25:44,030 --> 00:25:47,132
comes into your work, right?

484
00:25:47,134 --> 00:25:48,067
Yeah.

485
00:25:48,069 --> 00:25:49,201
It's cool, I have copies.

486
00:25:49,203 --> 00:25:51,871
(BEEPING)

487
00:25:51,873 --> 00:25:54,708
♪ Wish I had a life of my own ♪

488
00:25:54,710 --> 00:25:56,876
("WISH I HAD A LIFE"
BY WHISKEY GLASS EYE)

489
00:25:56,878 --> 00:26:01,447
♪ Livin' through the
people I see on TV ♪

490
00:26:01,449 --> 00:26:06,456
♪ There's always somethin'
better where they are ♪

491
00:26:07,924 --> 00:26:09,089
♪ And I can't see reverse
but still I seen so far ♪

492
00:26:09,091 --> 00:26:10,759
(KNOCKING)

493
00:26:11,494 --> 00:26:12,960
Yeah, I don't care!

494
00:26:12,962 --> 00:26:16,831
I'm gonna leave the toilet
seat up if I want to, Sharon!

495
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:17,735
Yes?

496
00:26:18,601 --> 00:26:19,935
I'm here about the job.

497
00:26:19,937 --> 00:26:22,204
I saw in the paper
you're hiring.

498
00:26:22,206 --> 00:26:23,974
(SIGHS)

499
00:26:26,142 --> 00:26:27,408
(SIGHS)

500
00:26:27,410 --> 00:26:29,311
Do you know how to
rake and bag leaves?

501
00:26:29,313 --> 00:26:31,448
Huh, doesn't everyone?

502
00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:35,417
Can you start today?

503
00:26:35,419 --> 00:26:36,953
Today?

504
00:26:36,955 --> 00:26:40,125
I mean, tomorrow's
actually better.

505
00:26:42,661 --> 00:26:44,562
Today's good, I can do today.

506
00:26:44,564 --> 00:26:46,265
All right, here.

507
00:26:46,998 --> 00:26:48,631
This is the address.

508
00:26:48,633 --> 00:26:50,035
(SCRIBBLING)

509
00:26:51,170 --> 00:26:55,142
Be there in one hour
and change your clothes.

510
00:26:56,977 --> 00:27:00,477
Sharon, for the last time, I
don't know whose urine that is!

511
00:27:00,479 --> 00:27:03,515
All right, what I need you to do

512
00:27:03,517 --> 00:27:07,085
is to rake and bag this whole
entire section of the park.

513
00:27:07,087 --> 00:27:08,789
Can you do that?

514
00:27:09,656 --> 00:27:11,791
That's gonna take forever.

515
00:27:11,793 --> 00:27:16,228
Well, it looks like you
better get started then, huh?

516
00:27:16,230 --> 00:27:19,665
Why don't I do just
a small area today,

517
00:27:19,667 --> 00:27:22,170
like that parkin' lot?

518
00:27:22,904 --> 00:27:23,937
That's a parkin' lot!

519
00:27:23,939 --> 00:27:25,806
It has no grass on it!

520
00:27:25,808 --> 00:27:28,809
Well, there's a little
grass right there,

521
00:27:28,811 --> 00:27:30,310
and then I'll do
the rest tomorrow.

522
00:27:30,312 --> 00:27:33,514
No, what I need you
to do is to rake and bag

523
00:27:33,516 --> 00:27:34,816
this section of the park.

524
00:27:34,818 --> 00:27:37,420
Take this, I gotta take a piss.

525
00:27:44,261 --> 00:27:45,629
(MUMBLING)

526
00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:56,942
Well, this is just stupid.

527
00:27:59,610 --> 00:28:04,015
Well, he never said nothin'
about not takin' a break.

528
00:28:10,122 --> 00:28:13,125
(SNICKERING)

529
00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:15,628
Hey, hey, wake up.

530
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:17,763
Wake up, time to go.

531
00:28:17,765 --> 00:28:18,599
Really?

532
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:20,465
Yeah, really.

533
00:28:20,467 --> 00:28:24,468
Oh, before you go, don't
leave without your pay.

534
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:26,737
This is a dollar,
I was here all day.

535
00:28:26,739 --> 00:28:31,179
Uh huh, you earned every cent
of it, sleepin' on the job!

536
00:28:32,346 --> 00:28:34,479
What time do we
start tomorrow?

537
00:28:34,481 --> 00:28:36,482
You don't start tomorrow.

538
00:28:36,484 --> 00:28:37,550
We got tomorrow off?

539
00:28:37,552 --> 00:28:39,552
No, we don't got tomorrow off.

540
00:28:39,554 --> 00:28:42,488
You don't work for me anymore!

541
00:28:42,490 --> 00:28:43,558
You're fired!

542
00:28:44,727 --> 00:28:47,129
You can't fire
me, dude, I quit.

543
00:28:49,965 --> 00:28:50,800
Cool.

544
00:28:55,005 --> 00:28:58,108
(PATRONS CHATTERING)

545
00:29:00,376 --> 00:29:01,208
[MADISON] Hey.

546
00:29:01,210 --> 00:29:02,910
[BARNABY] Hey.

547
00:29:02,912 --> 00:29:04,144
[MADISON] So,
what are you up to?

548
00:29:04,146 --> 00:29:06,649
[BARNABY] You know,
just lookin' for a job.

549
00:29:06,651 --> 00:29:07,917
Is that your resume?

550
00:29:07,919 --> 00:29:08,851
Yeah.

551
00:29:08,853 --> 00:29:09,854
[MADISON] Can I see it?

552
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:10,887
Sure.

553
00:29:11,888 --> 00:29:14,958
(PATRONS CHATTERING)

554
00:29:16,595 --> 00:29:19,028
You've seriously been
applying to jobs with this?

555
00:29:19,030 --> 00:29:20,296
Yeah.

556
00:29:20,298 --> 00:29:21,698
(LAUGHS)

557
00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:23,700
Everything on here's made up.

558
00:29:23,702 --> 00:29:25,201
Well, so?

559
00:29:25,203 --> 00:29:26,970
Every-Everyone makes up
somethin' on their resume.

560
00:29:26,972 --> 00:29:28,238
Yeah, but when they do,

561
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,941
they make sure it
sounds plausible.

562
00:29:29,943 --> 00:29:33,044
It says here you're a crash
test dummy for three years,

563
00:29:33,046 --> 00:29:34,912
an Olympic torch holder,

564
00:29:34,914 --> 00:29:37,781
a henchman, which even
if that were a real job,

565
00:29:37,783 --> 00:29:40,250
I don't know why you would
put that on an application.

566
00:29:40,252 --> 00:29:41,787
Why not?

567
00:29:41,789 --> 00:29:45,423
A professor at Oxnard, a
Knight of the Round Table,

568
00:29:45,425 --> 00:29:48,660
and a professional Rock
'Em Sock 'Em Robot fighter,

569
00:29:48,662 --> 00:29:49,895
whatever that is.

570
00:29:49,897 --> 00:29:51,129
Oh, it's that game
where you try and

571
00:29:51,131 --> 00:29:53,934
knock the other
robot's head off.

572
00:29:56,638 --> 00:29:59,438
Whatever, were you like
three when you wrote this?

573
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,009
If by three you mean
yesterday, then yes.

574
00:30:03,011 --> 00:30:05,512
The only job on here that
sounds even remotely real

575
00:30:05,514 --> 00:30:07,814
is the chef job at the
mom and pop restaurant.

576
00:30:07,816 --> 00:30:10,350
Well, that's because
I actually did that,

577
00:30:10,352 --> 00:30:12,352
for a few years actually.

578
00:30:12,354 --> 00:30:14,387
And what happened?

579
00:30:14,389 --> 00:30:15,925
They fired me

580
00:30:16,927 --> 00:30:20,462
for putting strawberries
on pancakes.

581
00:30:20,464 --> 00:30:22,164
They're like, Arnie,

582
00:30:22,166 --> 00:30:25,433
we're not runnin' a
five-star restaurant here.

583
00:30:25,435 --> 00:30:27,135
They fired you just for that?

584
00:30:27,137 --> 00:30:29,572
Well, that and when
they told me not to,

585
00:30:29,574 --> 00:30:32,574
I started to put
strawberries on everything,

586
00:30:32,576 --> 00:30:36,879
cheeseburgers, chicken
strips, homeless people,

587
00:30:36,881 --> 00:30:40,617
small children, you name it,
I put strawberries on it,

588
00:30:40,619 --> 00:30:42,018
so technically, that's probably

589
00:30:42,020 --> 00:30:43,920
the real reason they fired me.

590
00:30:43,922 --> 00:30:45,455
Got it.

591
00:30:45,457 --> 00:30:48,391
So, why haven't you tried to
look for another cooking job.

592
00:30:48,393 --> 00:30:49,826
I mean, being a chef somewhere

593
00:30:49,828 --> 00:30:51,928
sounds like kind of a big deal.

594
00:30:51,930 --> 00:30:56,335
I don't know, it's just
not what I thought it'd be.

595
00:30:57,503 --> 00:30:59,070
Do you have any
idea what it's like

596
00:30:59,072 --> 00:31:01,972
to have a culinary degree and
then end up working at a place

597
00:31:01,974 --> 00:31:03,842
where the fanciest
thing on the menu

598
00:31:03,844 --> 00:31:06,245
is a grilled cheese and ham?

599
00:31:06,247 --> 00:31:08,279
It's terrible.

600
00:31:08,281 --> 00:31:10,783
Yeah, sounds like
a total nightmare.

601
00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:13,084
I'm being serious.

602
00:31:13,086 --> 00:31:16,389
I went to school with dreams
of doing amazing things,

603
00:31:16,391 --> 00:31:18,557
making food that
looked like art,

604
00:31:18,559 --> 00:31:21,228
being on the cover of one of
those stupid chef magazines,

605
00:31:21,230 --> 00:31:23,363
and now I don't even
have a place to stay.

606
00:31:23,365 --> 00:31:26,401
You're living out of your car?

607
00:31:26,868 --> 00:31:27,635
Yeah.

608
00:31:28,605 --> 00:31:31,105
Kind of already knew.

609
00:31:31,107 --> 00:31:32,673
Really?

610
00:31:32,675 --> 00:31:33,708
(SIGHS)

611
00:31:33,710 --> 00:31:35,643
Well, when Chris and Noah

612
00:31:35,645 --> 00:31:37,444
entered the gymnasium
for our reunion,

613
00:31:37,446 --> 00:31:40,581
they yelled out, Barnaby's
living out of his car!

614
00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:44,120
So, most of our
graduating class knows.

615
00:31:45,622 --> 00:31:47,755
Well, this has been the
most emotional week ever.

616
00:31:47,757 --> 00:31:51,693
First, my girlfriend dumps
me, my parents kick me out,

617
00:31:51,695 --> 00:31:53,428
they don't even
tell me to my face,

618
00:31:53,430 --> 00:31:55,365
they just put all
my stuff in a box

619
00:31:55,367 --> 00:31:57,569
and wrote me this letter.

620
00:32:06,212 --> 00:32:07,477
Barnaby's bucket list.

621
00:32:07,479 --> 00:32:08,646
[BARNABY] That's
the wrong letter.

622
00:32:08,648 --> 00:32:11,782
One, get past
level one on Pac-Man.

623
00:32:11,784 --> 00:32:13,250
(CHUCKLES)

624
00:32:13,252 --> 00:32:16,221
Two, hold my breath under
water for 30 seconds.

625
00:32:16,223 --> 00:32:21,228
Three, stay in a hotel room
with no parents and jump on bed.

626
00:32:22,094 --> 00:32:24,329
Wow, these are quite ambitious.

627
00:32:24,331 --> 00:32:25,463
For your information,

628
00:32:25,465 --> 00:32:27,698
I have completed
everything on that list.

629
00:32:27,700 --> 00:32:30,069
Well, except for jumpin'
on the hotel bed,

630
00:32:30,071 --> 00:32:33,572
but I mean, who's gonna rent
a hotel room to a kid, right?

631
00:32:33,574 --> 00:32:35,841
And yes, I'd say
for a 17-year-old,

632
00:32:35,843 --> 00:32:38,377
that is extremely ambitious.

633
00:32:38,379 --> 00:32:40,580
You were 17 when
you wrote this?

634
00:32:40,582 --> 00:32:44,286
No, you dork,
I was like eight.

635
00:32:45,321 --> 00:32:47,586
Here's the real letter.

636
00:32:47,588 --> 00:32:48,423
Hold on.

637
00:32:51,492 --> 00:32:56,065
Yeah, this is, this
is the right one.

638
00:32:57,467 --> 00:32:59,734
Dear Barnaby, your
father and I have decided

639
00:32:59,736 --> 00:33:02,036
it's time for you to do
something with your life,

640
00:33:02,038 --> 00:33:04,672
and so, we're kicking you out.

641
00:33:04,674 --> 00:33:06,909
I wanted to tell you in
person, but your father said

642
00:33:06,911 --> 00:33:09,111
I would never go
through with it if I did

643
00:33:09,113 --> 00:33:11,246
and end up letting you stay.

644
00:33:11,248 --> 00:33:13,181
Sorry for putting all
your stuff outside,

645
00:33:13,183 --> 00:33:14,682
but it had to be done.

646
00:33:14,684 --> 00:33:18,755
P.S. no, we won't cosign
for you to get an apartment.

647
00:33:18,757 --> 00:33:22,558
P.P.S. that was your dad
that wrote the first P.S.

648
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:23,960
Of course, we'll cosign for you,

649
00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:26,261
but you have to get a job first.

650
00:33:26,263 --> 00:33:27,665
Love mom and dad.

651
00:33:29,469 --> 00:33:32,103
Your mom sounds
like a sweetheart.

652
00:33:32,105 --> 00:33:34,838
Your dad sounds like
kind of an asshole.

653
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:35,675
Yeah.

654
00:33:37,109 --> 00:33:41,113
Well, now I gotta get a job,
so I can get an apartment,

655
00:33:41,115 --> 00:33:43,749
prove to everyone
that I'm not a loser,

656
00:33:43,751 --> 00:33:45,617
and get my girlfriend back.

657
00:33:45,619 --> 00:33:48,653
Well, you can start
by fixing your resume.

658
00:33:48,655 --> 00:33:50,388
Get rid of all of this nonsense

659
00:33:50,390 --> 00:33:52,759
and build on the one
job you actually had.

660
00:33:52,761 --> 00:33:54,963
Okay, fine, I'll, yeah.

661
00:33:56,331 --> 00:33:58,697
But I'm gonna need some
spending money in the meantime.

662
00:33:58,699 --> 00:34:01,768
Hm, you can't
ask your parents?

663
00:34:01,770 --> 00:34:03,903
They wrote another
note about that too.

664
00:34:03,905 --> 00:34:05,505
[MADISON] Seriously?

665
00:34:05,507 --> 00:34:06,909
Yeah.

666
00:34:08,077 --> 00:34:09,443
Well, what are you
doing tomorrow night?

667
00:34:09,445 --> 00:34:12,946
I was gonna, you know,

668
00:34:12,948 --> 00:34:14,483
n- nothin'.

669
00:34:15,851 --> 00:34:17,085
I have a friend who does
these get-togethers once a month

670
00:34:17,087 --> 00:34:19,953
and she told me her
caterer just canceled.

671
00:34:19,955 --> 00:34:21,889
So, maybe you could do it?

672
00:34:21,891 --> 00:34:23,158
I don't know.

673
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,493
Oh, come on, do you
need the cash or not?

674
00:34:25,495 --> 00:34:26,995
Fine.

675
00:34:26,997 --> 00:34:28,530
Okay, great.

676
00:34:28,532 --> 00:34:32,269
I'm gonna text you the
details, all right?

677
00:34:36,441 --> 00:34:37,273
(WOMEN WHISTLING)

678
00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:39,043
Whoa oh oh oh!

679
00:34:39,644 --> 00:34:40,977
Woohoo!

680
00:34:40,979 --> 00:34:42,611
Woo!

681
00:34:42,613 --> 00:34:44,448
Woo baby!

682
00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:45,949
Oh, shake it baby!

683
00:34:45,951 --> 00:34:47,384
Nice butt. Ooh!

684
00:34:47,386 --> 00:34:48,919
Whoa oh!

685
00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:50,087
Whoa, all right!

686
00:34:50,089 --> 00:34:51,321
("FATHERTIME" BY TRIN MONSTA)

687
00:34:51,323 --> 00:34:53,324
♪ I been runnin' all my life ♪

688
00:34:53,326 --> 00:34:55,726
♪ But I always seem
to feel behind ♪

689
00:34:55,728 --> 00:34:58,229
♪ No matter how much I hide ♪

690
00:34:58,231 --> 00:35:00,298
♪ I'm hidin' with my own mind ♪

691
00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:02,300
All of the pots, pans,
and cooking utensils

692
00:35:02,302 --> 00:35:04,236
are in the drawers
and cupboards.

693
00:35:04,238 --> 00:35:06,370
Let me know if you need
help finding anything.

694
00:35:06,372 --> 00:35:08,339
The guests will be
here in an hour.

695
00:35:08,341 --> 00:35:09,575
Any questions?

696
00:35:09,577 --> 00:35:11,442
Do you have a microwave?

697
00:35:11,444 --> 00:35:12,678
A microwave?

698
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,346
Yeah, you know,
microwave oven.

699
00:35:14,348 --> 00:35:18,050
It's a, people use
it to cook stuff.

700
00:35:18,052 --> 00:35:19,385
I know what a microwave is.

701
00:35:19,387 --> 00:35:20,887
What do you need it for?

702
00:35:20,889 --> 00:35:23,155
Oh, well 'cause I have a
bunch of frozen TV dinners,

703
00:35:23,157 --> 00:35:25,557
and how else am I gonna cook it?

704
00:35:25,559 --> 00:35:29,796
I'm not usin' the oven, that's-
that's way too much work.

705
00:35:29,798 --> 00:35:32,098
You're actually going
to serve my guest garbage

706
00:35:32,100 --> 00:35:34,234
you got from the
frozen food section?

707
00:35:34,236 --> 00:35:36,102
Relax, I'm just kidding.

708
00:35:36,104 --> 00:35:38,071
I'll have the food
ready in an hour.

709
00:35:38,073 --> 00:35:41,242
Um, little hint, the next
time you wanna tell a joke,

710
00:35:41,244 --> 00:35:43,513
make sure it's funny first.

711
00:35:44,380 --> 00:35:46,083
O-kay.

712
00:35:48,685 --> 00:35:52,122
("HABANERA" FROM CARMEN)

713
00:36:10,975 --> 00:36:13,576
Wow, it smells
amazing in here.

714
00:36:13,578 --> 00:36:15,779
And it looks like someone's
havin' fun, look at that.

715
00:36:15,781 --> 00:36:16,713
You hungry?

716
00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:17,749
Duh.

717
00:36:17,751 --> 00:36:19,651
Okay, all right.

718
00:36:19,653 --> 00:36:21,318
(GUESTS CHATTERING)
("EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK")

719
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,391
Tell me what you
think about this.

720
00:36:25,258 --> 00:36:26,259
Be honest.

721
00:36:30,497 --> 00:36:31,398
It tastes

722
00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:34,299
incredible.

723
00:36:34,301 --> 00:36:36,669
I mean, I figured you can cook,

724
00:36:36,671 --> 00:36:39,205
but I thought it'd just be
like whatever, not like this.

725
00:36:39,207 --> 00:36:41,541
This is delicious.

726
00:36:41,543 --> 00:36:43,275
You have a gift.

727
00:36:43,277 --> 00:36:44,410
So, when you say delicious,

728
00:36:44,412 --> 00:36:46,112
do you mean delicious
when compared

729
00:36:46,114 --> 00:36:48,414
to the Chef Boyardee
standard you had for me

730
00:36:48,416 --> 00:36:50,115
or delicious when compared

731
00:36:50,117 --> 00:36:53,321
to actual restaurants
you've eaten at?

732
00:36:53,323 --> 00:36:54,922
Actual restaurants.

733
00:36:54,924 --> 00:36:58,628
Nice restaurants or
like fast food joints.

734
00:36:59,928 --> 00:37:01,828
Nice restaurants.

735
00:37:01,830 --> 00:37:03,730
Now, will you just shut up
and take the compliment?

736
00:37:03,732 --> 00:37:05,266
Yeah, all right, thank you.

737
00:37:05,268 --> 00:37:06,501
You're welcome.

738
00:37:06,503 --> 00:37:08,070
Now, what else do
you have to eat?

739
00:37:08,072 --> 00:37:09,306
Uh, try this.

740
00:37:12,875 --> 00:37:15,409
(LAUGHS)

741
00:37:15,411 --> 00:37:17,481
Take the whole bite there.

742
00:37:18,182 --> 00:37:19,283
Oh my god.

743
00:37:21,118 --> 00:37:22,517
That is so good.

744
00:37:22,519 --> 00:37:24,453
The guests are arriving,
is the food ready?

745
00:37:24,455 --> 00:37:25,988
Yes, it is.

746
00:37:25,990 --> 00:37:27,323
Well, come on then, bring
it out into the living room.

747
00:37:27,325 --> 00:37:29,192
Right away, Mussolini.

748
00:37:29,194 --> 00:37:30,693
[CHLOE] Huh?

749
00:37:30,695 --> 00:37:33,699
Benito Mussolini, you
know, the French dictator.

750
00:37:35,301 --> 00:37:36,532
You look French,
so I just wanted

751
00:37:36,534 --> 00:37:38,668
to pick somethin' close to home.

752
00:37:38,670 --> 00:37:39,838
I know who he is.

753
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,205
Do I look uneducated to you?

754
00:37:41,207 --> 00:37:42,707
Which apparently, you are

755
00:37:42,709 --> 00:37:45,510
because Benito Mussolini
was an Italian dictator.

756
00:37:45,512 --> 00:37:49,247
Either way, I'm not French
or Italian, I'm English.

757
00:37:49,249 --> 00:37:50,814
I was gonna say Italian.

758
00:37:50,816 --> 00:37:51,884
[CHLOE] I'm sure you were.

759
00:37:51,886 --> 00:37:53,755
I was, Queen Mary.

760
00:37:54,888 --> 00:37:56,087
Is there some point
where you realize

761
00:37:56,089 --> 00:37:57,322
that you're being obnoxious

762
00:37:57,324 --> 00:37:59,891
and you stop telling
your humorless jokes?

763
00:37:59,893 --> 00:38:04,196
No, he's just like
this all the time.

764
00:38:04,198 --> 00:38:07,700
Luckily, I don't care
what either of you think

765
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:10,736
because my mom
thinks I'm hilarious.

766
00:38:10,738 --> 00:38:13,740
Just hurry up and
bring out the food.

767
00:38:13,742 --> 00:38:16,944
(GUESTS CHATTERING)

768
00:38:16,946 --> 00:38:18,078
Okay, so are you gonna help me

769
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:19,446
before your friend murders me

770
00:38:19,448 --> 00:38:21,482
or just keep stuffin' your face?

771
00:38:21,484 --> 00:38:24,618
Oh god, Chloe
wouldn't hurt a fly.

772
00:38:24,620 --> 00:38:27,956
Please, I know the face of
a murderer when I see one.

773
00:38:27,958 --> 00:38:29,624
Whew!

774
00:38:29,626 --> 00:38:31,659
Besides, she said
she was English.

775
00:38:31,661 --> 00:38:33,162
You know who else is English?

776
00:38:33,164 --> 00:38:33,996
Who?

777
00:38:33,998 --> 00:38:35,463
Jack the Ripper?

778
00:38:35,465 --> 00:38:36,831
I was gonna say
Charles Manson,

779
00:38:36,833 --> 00:38:39,534
but yeah, I think
he's English too.

780
00:38:39,536 --> 00:38:40,469
Oh, really?

781
00:38:40,471 --> 00:38:41,805
Yes, now help me out with this

782
00:38:41,807 --> 00:38:43,772
before I end up
on a milk carton.

783
00:38:43,774 --> 00:38:45,509
Fine, you big baby.

784
00:38:48,379 --> 00:38:50,879
(MIMICS HI-HAT MUSIC)

785
00:38:50,881 --> 00:38:53,385
(EERIE MUSIC)

786
00:39:04,064 --> 00:39:05,330
Boo!
(GASPS)

787
00:39:05,332 --> 00:39:06,997
[BARNABY] Please
don't kill me, Chloe,

788
00:39:06,999 --> 00:39:08,633
I'm too young to die.

789
00:39:08,635 --> 00:39:10,035
What?

790
00:39:10,037 --> 00:39:11,472
Really, wow.

791
00:39:12,573 --> 00:39:14,171
You really are
afraid of my friend.

792
00:39:14,173 --> 00:39:15,007
No!

793
00:39:16,643 --> 00:39:19,045
I was just messing with ya.

794
00:39:19,047 --> 00:39:21,980
I saw ya hidin' over there.

795
00:39:21,982 --> 00:39:23,782
Yeah, sure you did.

796
00:39:23,784 --> 00:39:27,186
Anyway, what are
you still doin' here?

797
00:39:27,188 --> 00:39:29,656
Oh, I-I just forgot something
inside of Chloe's house,

798
00:39:29,658 --> 00:39:31,225
so I came back to get it.

799
00:39:31,227 --> 00:39:35,729
Oh yeah, well if it's
leftovers, I suggest you hurry.

800
00:39:35,731 --> 00:39:38,231
I mean, there was a lotta
food still when I left,

801
00:39:38,233 --> 00:39:42,838
but that was like two
or three minutes ago,

802
00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:45,974
and she's all up
there by herself, so.

803
00:39:45,976 --> 00:39:47,442
(LAUGHS)

804
00:39:47,444 --> 00:39:51,214
It's-It's not the leftovers,
but thanks for the heads up.

805
00:39:52,450 --> 00:39:57,119
Hey, um, what are
you doin' after this?

806
00:39:57,121 --> 00:39:59,088
Well, I did just make $300,

807
00:39:59,090 --> 00:40:02,490
so I think the
obvious answer is uh,

808
00:40:02,492 --> 00:40:04,493
hittin' up the strip club.

809
00:40:04,495 --> 00:40:06,163
Seriously?

810
00:40:06,165 --> 00:40:08,031
Yeah, you're probably right.

811
00:40:08,033 --> 00:40:10,766
I'm gonna need more money if
I'm gonna go to the strip club.

812
00:40:10,768 --> 00:40:11,835
(LAUGHS)

813
00:40:11,837 --> 00:40:13,270
Why, what are you doin'?

814
00:40:13,272 --> 00:40:15,540
Uh, I'm-I'm not sure.

815
00:40:17,644 --> 00:40:21,247
Hey, do you wanna
grab a drink with me?

816
00:40:22,115 --> 00:40:25,215
Promise not to roofie it?

817
00:40:25,217 --> 00:40:26,918
I can't promise that.

818
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,520
In that case, I'm game.

819
00:40:29,522 --> 00:40:32,625
Okay, cool, um,
I'll be right back.

820
00:40:34,895 --> 00:40:39,901
(UPBEAT CLUB MUSIC)
(LAUGHING)

821
00:40:41,101 --> 00:40:44,470
Oh, so, did you
have fun tonight?

822
00:40:44,472 --> 00:40:45,871
Fun doin' what?

823
00:40:45,873 --> 00:40:47,139
(LAUGHS)

824
00:40:47,141 --> 00:40:49,309
Cooking, what
else were you doing?

825
00:40:49,311 --> 00:40:51,313
Oh, you know what?

826
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,348
I did have fun tonight.

827
00:40:54,350 --> 00:40:55,783
Yeah?

828
00:40:55,785 --> 00:40:57,620
- Yeah.
- I could tell.

829
00:40:58,488 --> 00:41:00,087
More fun than cooking those

830
00:41:00,089 --> 00:41:01,388
grilled cheese and
ham sandwiches?

831
00:41:01,390 --> 00:41:02,622
(LAUGHS)

832
00:41:02,624 --> 00:41:04,826
I-I don't know
if I'd go that far.

833
00:41:04,828 --> 00:41:06,927
You know, from time to
time, I did get pretty fancy

834
00:41:06,929 --> 00:41:09,664
with those grilled cheese
and ham sandwiches.

835
00:41:09,666 --> 00:41:10,498
Is that right?

836
00:41:10,500 --> 00:41:11,834
Yes, ma'am.

837
00:41:13,136 --> 00:41:14,335
So, what do you think?

838
00:41:14,337 --> 00:41:16,205
Are you gonna give
cooking another shot?

839
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:18,006
I don't know, maybe.

840
00:41:18,008 --> 00:41:20,042
Just maybe?

841
00:41:20,044 --> 00:41:21,012
But.

842
00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:23,046
Barnaby,

843
00:41:23,981 --> 00:41:24,815
hello?

844
00:41:25,416 --> 00:41:26,314
She's here.

845
00:41:26,316 --> 00:41:27,951
Who's here?

846
00:41:27,953 --> 00:41:29,420
My ex, Elaina.

847
00:41:30,855 --> 00:41:33,924
You mean that girl that's
standing next to that hot guy.

848
00:41:33,926 --> 00:41:36,962
Joking, joking, he's
not-he's not that cute.

849
00:41:38,364 --> 00:41:41,801
Okay, okay, I'm not gonna
lie, he's-he's a little cute.

850
00:41:43,302 --> 00:41:46,772
She sees me, she's
comin' over here.

851
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,640
Hey, Barnaby!

852
00:41:49,642 --> 00:41:50,941
Elaina.

853
00:41:50,943 --> 00:41:52,677
Wait, wait, your
name is Barney,

854
00:41:52,679 --> 00:41:54,013
like the children's dinosaur?

855
00:41:54,015 --> 00:41:57,549
No, it's Arnie, and
it's short for Barnaby.

856
00:41:57,551 --> 00:42:00,018
Bro, you gotta introduce
me to your friends.

857
00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:01,920
Are you talkin' about her?

858
00:42:01,922 --> 00:42:05,224
No, your friends, you
know, Barney and Friends.

859
00:42:05,226 --> 00:42:07,227
Who are you exactly?

860
00:42:07,229 --> 00:42:09,428
This is my
boyfriend, Geppetto.

861
00:42:09,430 --> 00:42:12,331
(SPUTTERS)

862
00:42:12,333 --> 00:42:16,805
Geppetto, like,
Pinocchio Geppetto?

863
00:42:17,540 --> 00:42:18,906
Yeah, that's his name.

864
00:42:18,908 --> 00:42:20,107
(LAUGHS)

865
00:42:20,109 --> 00:42:21,741
Is that his real name
or like a nickname?

866
00:42:21,743 --> 00:42:24,111
It's my real name.

867
00:42:24,113 --> 00:42:28,619
No, so on your birth
certificate, it says Geppetto?

868
00:42:30,054 --> 00:42:33,354
So, your parents actually
made the conscious decision

869
00:42:33,356 --> 00:42:36,793
to name you after a
fairytale character.

870
00:42:37,728 --> 00:42:39,562
How's your brother Jiminy doin'?

871
00:42:39,564 --> 00:42:40,830
Would you grow up?

872
00:42:40,832 --> 00:42:41,864
It's okay babe, if
I was named after a

873
00:42:41,866 --> 00:42:43,299
giant purple dinosaur

874
00:42:43,301 --> 00:42:45,868
who sang and danced with
children, I'd be immature too.

875
00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:48,006
Babe, that's cute.

876
00:42:49,374 --> 00:42:50,906
How long you been
dating, a couple of days?

877
00:42:50,908 --> 00:42:53,077
No, actually, me and this
beautiful slice of roast beef

878
00:42:53,079 --> 00:42:55,813
have been together for
what, six months now?

879
00:42:55,815 --> 00:42:58,782
Six months, but
we were still--

880
00:42:58,784 --> 00:43:00,150
Who's this, your friend?

881
00:43:00,152 --> 00:43:03,487
His girlfriend
actually, Madison.

882
00:43:03,490 --> 00:43:05,256
And we were just leaving.

883
00:43:05,258 --> 00:43:07,993
Geppetto, so nice to meet you.

884
00:43:07,995 --> 00:43:10,629
Please tell the Blue
Fairy I said hello,

885
00:43:10,631 --> 00:43:13,464
and Elaina, Arnie told
me you were skinny,

886
00:43:13,466 --> 00:43:17,605
but wow, it's called food
have you heard of it?

887
00:43:21,174 --> 00:43:23,208
You don't think I'm
too skinny, do you babe?

888
00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:24,442
No, babe, you're perfect.

889
00:43:24,444 --> 00:43:26,244
She doesn't know what
she's talking about.

890
00:43:26,246 --> 00:43:28,147
If anything, you could
lose some weight.

891
00:43:28,149 --> 00:43:29,483
So now I'm fat?

892
00:43:29,485 --> 00:43:31,218
No, I'm just saying
you're not that skinny.

893
00:43:31,220 --> 00:43:32,551
- Thanks.
- Babe, wait.

894
00:43:32,553 --> 00:43:34,789
(UPBEAT CLUB MUSIC)
(PATRONS CHATTERING)

895
00:43:44,033 --> 00:43:46,568
(MUFFLED UPBEAT CLUB MUSIC)
(CITY SOUNDS)

896
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:50,607
(SIGHS)

897
00:43:51,541 --> 00:43:53,675
Hey, are you all right?

898
00:43:53,677 --> 00:43:56,678
I'm fine, I just
need a minute.

899
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,814
Look, I don't really
know you're ex-girlfriend,

900
00:43:58,816 --> 00:44:02,751
but from what I saw tonight,
she's a real piece of crap,

901
00:44:02,753 --> 00:44:05,254
and if she chose that
Geppetto guy over you,

902
00:44:05,256 --> 00:44:07,589
then she's definitely
not very bright either.

903
00:44:07,591 --> 00:44:10,859
(PATRONS CHATTERING)

904
00:44:10,861 --> 00:44:12,096
I'm gonna go.

905
00:44:13,165 --> 00:44:14,332
Arnie, wait.

906
00:44:15,635 --> 00:44:17,867
Don't you wanna talk about it?

907
00:44:17,869 --> 00:44:19,836
It-it might help.

908
00:44:19,838 --> 00:44:21,641
Talk about what?

909
00:44:23,108 --> 00:44:25,409
The fact that my ex-girlfriend
was cheating on me for months

910
00:44:25,411 --> 00:44:27,913
with a guy who calls
her roast beef slice

911
00:44:27,915 --> 00:44:31,415
and happens to be the main
character of a children's book?

912
00:44:31,417 --> 00:44:35,687
Or how 'bout the fact
that I don't have a job?

913
00:44:35,689 --> 00:44:38,223
Or that I live in my car?

914
00:44:38,225 --> 00:44:40,659
Is that what you
wanna talk about?

915
00:44:40,661 --> 00:44:43,862
'Cause I don't see how talking
is gonna change any of that.

916
00:44:43,864 --> 00:44:47,833
Oh, okay, maybe not, but
it-it might help you move on

917
00:44:47,835 --> 00:44:50,104
or ease the pain a little.

918
00:44:51,506 --> 00:44:55,343
Face it, Madison, I'm a loser.

919
00:44:57,245 --> 00:45:00,682
No amount of talking
is gonna change that.

920
00:45:02,283 --> 00:45:04,918
You might as well just
stay away from me.

921
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,588
You're not a loser.

922
00:45:07,590 --> 00:45:09,326
Goodbye Madison.

923
00:45:32,750 --> 00:45:35,120
How could you be so stupid?

924
00:45:36,587 --> 00:45:39,858
She was cheating on
you for six months,

925
00:45:40,894 --> 00:45:43,329
and there were so many signs.

926
00:45:44,197 --> 00:45:45,832
The new haircuts,

927
00:45:46,733 --> 00:45:48,200
the new clothes,

928
00:45:48,934 --> 00:45:50,169
the constant nagging,

929
00:45:51,337 --> 00:45:53,106
having to sleep
out on the couch,

930
00:45:54,574 --> 00:45:56,275
and the most obvious,

931
00:45:56,277 --> 00:45:59,847
when she butt dialed
you while having sex,

932
00:46:01,582 --> 00:46:04,450
and to think you
actually believed her

933
00:46:04,452 --> 00:46:07,619
when she told you
that she fell asleep

934
00:46:07,621 --> 00:46:10,624
while watching 15
Shades of Gray.

935
00:46:13,728 --> 00:46:17,864
No woman would fall
asleep while watching

936
00:46:17,866 --> 00:46:20,169
15 Shades of Gray.

937
00:46:25,274 --> 00:46:27,042
You know what Elaina?

938
00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:31,579
Forget you I don't
even care anymore.

939
00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:36,586
(CRYING)
Elaina, I miss you so much.

940
00:46:39,222 --> 00:46:41,225
(BEEPS)

941
00:46:42,126 --> 00:46:44,028
Hello, hi.

942
00:46:44,895 --> 00:46:47,798
Um, what's your biggest pizza?

943
00:46:48,966 --> 00:46:51,469
Oh okay, can I get
three of those?

944
00:46:53,005 --> 00:46:55,007
Actually make that four.

945
00:46:56,375 --> 00:46:58,911
Do I sound like a ninja turtle?

946
00:47:00,012 --> 00:47:03,781
Yeah, I want anchovies,
I want anchovies.

947
00:47:03,783 --> 00:47:07,618
Sunny Ranch Apartments,
unit H seven, Elaina.

948
00:47:07,620 --> 00:47:09,622
(BEEPS)

949
00:47:10,823 --> 00:47:13,624
Hi, do you guys deliver?

950
00:47:13,626 --> 00:47:18,198
Perfect, can I get 30
bowls of white rice?

951
00:47:19,065 --> 00:47:21,333
Yeah, to Sunny Ranch Apartments.

952
00:47:21,335 --> 00:47:25,873
Hi, can I get one of the
six-foot subs, party subs?

953
00:47:27,242 --> 00:47:29,244
Ah, wait hold on.

954
00:47:30,111 --> 00:47:33,749
What, you wanna get two of 'em?

955
00:47:34,515 --> 00:47:35,851
Are you sure?

956
00:47:36,751 --> 00:47:37,885
Okay.

957
00:47:38,753 --> 00:47:41,188
Can we get, make, make that two.

958
00:47:41,190 --> 00:47:43,693
Um, we're pretty
hungry over here.

959
00:47:45,295 --> 00:47:50,300
Um, what's um, what'd you
got for your hot wings?

960
00:47:51,167 --> 00:47:52,336
What's the biggest order?

961
00:47:53,202 --> 00:47:56,472
Sixty, no that's not enough,

962
00:47:57,441 --> 00:47:59,874
Lemme get three of those.

963
00:47:59,876 --> 00:48:01,242
(SNORING LIGHTLY)

964
00:48:01,244 --> 00:48:03,981
(CELL PHONE BUZZES)

965
00:48:12,823 --> 00:48:15,527
(GROANING)

966
00:48:29,642 --> 00:48:30,476
Hm

967
00:48:31,645 --> 00:48:32,576
(BEEPS)
[Voicemail] You have four

968
00:48:32,578 --> 00:48:35,613
new messages, first message.

969
00:48:35,615 --> 00:48:38,283
[ELAINA] Seriously Barnaby,
you think you're funny?

970
00:48:38,285 --> 00:48:41,320
I know it was you that
ordered the pizza.

971
00:48:41,322 --> 00:48:44,623
[VOICEMAIL] End of
message, new message.

972
00:48:44,625 --> 00:48:47,592
[ELAINA] Really, 30
orders of white rice?

973
00:48:47,594 --> 00:48:50,128
When I see you next,
you are so dead,

974
00:48:50,130 --> 00:48:52,799
you hear me, you are dead!

975
00:48:52,801 --> 00:48:55,968
[VOICEMAIL] End of
message, new message.

976
00:48:55,970 --> 00:48:58,872
[ELAINA] Party subs,
I take that back.

977
00:48:58,874 --> 00:49:01,975
I'm not going to kill
you when I see you,

978
00:49:01,977 --> 00:49:04,978
no, that's not good
enough for you.

979
00:49:04,980 --> 00:49:07,248
I'm going to hurt you so bad,

980
00:49:07,250 --> 00:49:08,815
you're going to
wish you were dead.

981
00:49:08,817 --> 00:49:10,083
(DOORBELL RINGS)

982
00:49:10,085 --> 00:49:11,918
Are you freaking kidding?

983
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,387
(DOOR OPENS)

984
00:49:13,389 --> 00:49:16,091
[DELIVERY MAN] I have a
delivery of wings for Elaina?

985
00:49:16,093 --> 00:49:17,359
(DOOR CLOSES)

986
00:49:17,361 --> 00:49:20,963
Argh, you better hope I
dint find you, Barnaby!

987
00:49:20,965 --> 00:49:24,298
[VOICEMAIL] End of
message, new message.

988
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:26,267
[ELAINA] I'm looking at all
this food you had delivered

989
00:49:26,269 --> 00:49:29,005
and I've decided I'm
gonna save it for you.

990
00:49:29,007 --> 00:49:30,406
I'm going to find you,

991
00:49:30,408 --> 00:49:32,275
I'm going to take
you back to my place,

992
00:49:32,277 --> 00:49:33,777
and I'm going to tie you up

993
00:49:33,779 --> 00:49:36,712
and make you eat all of it
until your gut explodes.

994
00:49:36,714 --> 00:49:38,447
And after that happens,

995
00:49:38,449 --> 00:49:42,019
I'm going to make you
keep eating until you die!

996
00:49:42,021 --> 00:49:43,753
Remember that movie Seven?

997
00:49:43,755 --> 00:49:45,689
Yeah, that's gonna be you,

998
00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:48,158
dead in my living
room you asshole!

999
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:52,330
[VOICEMAIL] End of message,
you have no new messages.

1000
00:49:52,332 --> 00:49:53,834
Whoa!

1001
00:49:55,935 --> 00:49:59,372
(LAUGHING)

1002
00:50:10,117 --> 00:50:12,453
(WHISTLING)

1003
00:50:20,562 --> 00:50:24,899
Excuse me sir, it's illegal
to be naked in public.

1004
00:50:27,603 --> 00:50:29,839
Come on, don't run.

1005
00:50:34,143 --> 00:50:36,145
(SIGHS)

1006
00:50:42,285 --> 00:50:44,486
Hey Madison, it's me Arnie.

1007
00:50:44,488 --> 00:50:46,154
I just wanted to
call and apologize

1008
00:50:46,156 --> 00:50:49,124
for the way I acted last night.

1009
00:50:49,126 --> 00:50:51,360
And uh, if you're free later,

1010
00:50:51,362 --> 00:50:54,663
I'll be at the basketball
court by the beach.

1011
00:50:54,665 --> 00:50:57,368
So uh, hope to see you there.

1012
00:50:58,536 --> 00:51:01,739
All right, talk
to you later, bye.

1013
00:51:02,373 --> 00:51:03,207
(BEEPS)

1014
00:51:03,209 --> 00:51:05,544
(BAG RUSTLING)

1015
00:51:11,416 --> 00:51:14,586
Ah, I remember you,

1016
00:51:16,422 --> 00:51:19,759
got you on our first
Valentine's together.

1017
00:51:21,395 --> 00:51:23,730
What are you so happy about?

1018
00:51:28,602 --> 00:51:33,338
And this, from when you said
we'd always be together.

1019
00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:36,143
Well, we both know
how that turned out.

1020
00:51:36,610 --> 00:51:37,578
(THUD)

1021
00:51:57,066 --> 00:51:58,900
Goodbye, Elaina.

1022
00:51:58,902 --> 00:52:02,072
(KIDS CHATTERING)

1023
00:52:08,913 --> 00:52:10,815
Nice shot, Gramps.

1024
00:52:11,549 --> 00:52:14,382
Ah god, not you again.

1025
00:52:14,384 --> 00:52:16,552
I bet I know what
you do for a living,

1026
00:52:16,554 --> 00:52:17,987
you're a brick layer.

1027
00:52:17,989 --> 00:52:19,822
Get it, a brick layer?

1028
00:52:19,824 --> 00:52:21,191
Yeah, I get it.

1029
00:52:21,193 --> 00:52:23,594
Don't you have
school or something?

1030
00:52:23,596 --> 00:52:24,762
It's Saturday.

1031
00:52:26,164 --> 00:52:28,499
Don't you have like a job
to go to or something?

1032
00:52:28,501 --> 00:52:29,700
It's Saturday.

1033
00:52:29,702 --> 00:52:32,102
So, my dad works
on a Saturday.

1034
00:52:32,104 --> 00:52:34,339
Yeah, I'm sure your
dad works every day

1035
00:52:34,341 --> 00:52:36,107
if he has to make
enough to feed you.

1036
00:52:36,109 --> 00:52:37,942
And I bet you have
to work two jobs

1037
00:52:37,944 --> 00:52:40,445
just to afford the candles
on your birthday cake.

1038
00:52:40,447 --> 00:52:42,181
I gotta be honest
with you kid,

1039
00:52:42,183 --> 00:52:43,715
I'm a little jealous of the fact

1040
00:52:43,717 --> 00:52:46,384
that when you go places you
get the group discount rate.

1041
00:52:46,386 --> 00:52:47,885
And I'm kinda jealous

1042
00:52:47,887 --> 00:52:51,691
that you get the senior
discount when you go places.

1043
00:52:51,693 --> 00:52:55,394
That's basically what I
just said but good for you.

1044
00:52:55,396 --> 00:52:58,098
Hey, isn't it almost 4:00?

1045
00:52:58,100 --> 00:52:59,598
Shouldn't you be at Costco

1046
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,401
before they stop givin'
out all the free samples?

1047
00:53:01,403 --> 00:53:04,237
Shouldn't you be at home
watching silent movies?

1048
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:05,538
As much as I'd
love to stand here

1049
00:53:05,540 --> 00:53:07,241
and do this with you all day,

1050
00:53:07,243 --> 00:53:10,580
I have better things
to do, so get lost.

1051
00:53:28,565 --> 00:53:30,466
[MADISON] Hey Arnie.

1052
00:53:30,468 --> 00:53:33,469
Hey, I want sure if
you got my message.

1053
00:53:33,471 --> 00:53:35,804
Wait, you know this guy?

1054
00:53:35,806 --> 00:53:37,339
Are you Arnie's friend?

1055
00:53:37,341 --> 00:53:40,977
Who him, you think
I'm his friend?

1056
00:53:40,979 --> 00:53:42,345
He wishes.

1057
00:53:42,347 --> 00:53:43,881
Yeah, whatever.

1058
00:53:43,883 --> 00:53:47,584
I'm Will, but you can
call me whatever you want.

1059
00:53:47,586 --> 00:53:49,653
Nice to meet you
Will, I'm Madison.

1060
00:53:49,655 --> 00:53:52,290
Hey, whoa, whoa, get your
grubby little hands off of her.

1061
00:53:52,292 --> 00:53:54,859
Whoa, don't be jelly, bro.

1062
00:53:54,861 --> 00:53:56,928
Yeah Arnie, don't be jelly.

1063
00:53:56,930 --> 00:54:00,699
I'm not jel-I'm
not jealous all right?

1064
00:54:00,701 --> 00:54:04,537
Wait, is this old
timer your boyfriend?

1065
00:54:04,539 --> 00:54:06,204
Would you get lost?

1066
00:54:06,206 --> 00:54:09,041
Fine I'll go,
but if you need me,

1067
00:54:09,043 --> 00:54:11,811
I'll be on the bleachers
in the winners' section.

1068
00:54:11,813 --> 00:54:13,881
Cool, now leave.

1069
00:54:15,584 --> 00:54:18,551
You have no idea how
annoying that kid is.

1070
00:54:18,553 --> 00:54:21,488
Yeah well, he seems
like he likes you.

1071
00:54:21,490 --> 00:54:23,857
Oh, I think he likes
you a little bit more.

1072
00:54:23,859 --> 00:54:25,961
(LAUGHS)

1073
00:54:32,402 --> 00:54:34,835
Do you know how
to play basketball?

1074
00:54:34,837 --> 00:54:36,637
Maybe you should
stick to cooking.

1075
00:54:36,639 --> 00:54:40,241
Aha, someone
thinks they're funny.

1076
00:54:40,243 --> 00:54:42,579
Let's see you do better.

1077
00:54:48,718 --> 00:54:49,753
Lucky shot.

1078
00:54:50,553 --> 00:54:51,656
Oh yeah?

1079
00:54:55,460 --> 00:54:57,025
Still think it was lucky?

1080
00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:58,594
How 'bout a little one-on-one?

1081
00:54:58,596 --> 00:55:01,697
Oh, are you sure you
wanna lose to a girl?

1082
00:55:01,699 --> 00:55:03,300
You know I don't
wanna embarrass you.

1083
00:55:03,302 --> 00:55:04,501
Oh I don't think I'm the one

1084
00:55:04,503 --> 00:55:06,537
that's gonna be
gettin' embarrassed.

1085
00:55:06,539 --> 00:55:08,939
Okay, you wanna
make this interesting?

1086
00:55:08,941 --> 00:55:09,874
How so?

1087
00:55:09,876 --> 00:55:11,776
If I win, you're gonna let me

1088
00:55:11,778 --> 00:55:16,214
fix that ridiculous resume
you've been handing out.

1089
00:55:16,216 --> 00:55:18,683
Fine, but if I win,

1090
00:55:18,685 --> 00:55:21,453
you have to help me
Saran wrap Elaina's car.

1091
00:55:21,455 --> 00:55:25,391
Okay, done deal, but
I get the ball first.

1092
00:55:27,461 --> 00:55:28,994
Hey wait I wasn't ready.

1093
00:55:28,996 --> 00:55:33,567
Doesn't matter, one zero,
first one to get to 11 wins.

1094
00:55:35,436 --> 00:55:37,871
I got 20 bucks on the girl.

1095
00:55:41,444 --> 00:55:42,408
[BARNABY] Woo!

1096
00:55:42,410 --> 00:55:45,578
Tss, we'll take that action.

1097
00:55:45,580 --> 00:55:47,848
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)

1098
00:55:47,850 --> 00:55:50,216
Can you even throw
the ball that far?

1099
00:55:50,218 --> 00:55:53,122
I don't know, let's find out.

1100
00:56:04,535 --> 00:56:07,370
Oh, what, two points!

1101
00:56:26,959 --> 00:56:28,293
Next point wins.

1102
00:56:29,062 --> 00:56:30,328
Ha, gay!

1103
00:56:30,330 --> 00:56:32,398
(GROANS)

1104
00:56:40,340 --> 00:56:42,907
Whew, and that's game.

1105
00:56:42,909 --> 00:56:47,348
Hey grandpa, thanks,
you just won me 20 bucks!

1106
00:56:57,591 --> 00:56:59,628
(GROANS)

1107
00:57:00,861 --> 00:57:04,833
Hey, I wanna say
sorry for last night.

1108
00:57:06,002 --> 00:57:08,101
Aw, you don't
have to apologize.

1109
00:57:08,103 --> 00:57:09,904
I probably would have
acted the same way

1110
00:57:09,906 --> 00:57:12,540
if I found out my ex
that I just broke up with

1111
00:57:12,542 --> 00:57:15,610
was cheating on me while
I was still with them.

1112
00:57:15,612 --> 00:57:19,814
Still I mean, I shouldn't
have taken it out on you.

1113
00:57:19,816 --> 00:57:22,483
Yeah you're kind of a dick.

1114
00:57:22,485 --> 00:57:24,653
You're just lucky I'm so cool.

1115
00:57:24,655 --> 00:57:26,922
You know, most girls would
have blown you off by now.

1116
00:57:26,924 --> 00:57:29,257
Well you're just
lucky that I'm so cool.

1117
00:57:29,259 --> 00:57:30,525
Most guys wouldn't let a girl

1118
00:57:30,527 --> 00:57:32,627
beat them in a
game of basketball,

1119
00:57:32,629 --> 00:57:34,964
especially not with their
reputation on the line.

1120
00:57:34,966 --> 00:57:36,598
Would you give it up?

1121
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,101
We both know you
didn't let me win.

1122
00:57:39,103 --> 00:57:41,037
That's what'll help
you sleep at night.

1123
00:57:41,039 --> 00:57:43,005
Okay, lets play
again right now.

1124
00:57:43,007 --> 00:57:45,474
- Right now?
- Yes, right now.

1125
00:57:45,476 --> 00:57:48,345
I don't know, I'm still a
little tired from the last game.

1126
00:57:48,347 --> 00:57:49,845
How about we do it nother day?

1127
00:57:49,847 --> 00:57:52,649
Okay, either you admit that
I beat you fair and square,

1128
00:57:52,651 --> 00:57:54,752
or we're gonna play
again right now.

1129
00:57:54,754 --> 00:57:57,123
Fine, lets go again,

1130
00:57:58,290 --> 00:57:59,857
but don't expect me
to go easy on you.

1131
00:57:59,859 --> 00:58:04,332
Fine, just don't expect
me to go easy on you either.

1132
00:58:05,498 --> 00:58:08,199
Wait, you were
goin' easy on me?

1133
00:58:08,201 --> 00:58:10,804
(UPBEAT MUSIC)

1134
00:58:22,984 --> 00:58:25,618
You do realize you'd have
to be like 1,500 years old

1135
00:58:25,620 --> 00:58:27,288
to have some of the
jobs you listed?

1136
00:58:27,290 --> 00:58:31,559
I know, I look pretty
good for my age, right?

1137
00:58:31,561 --> 00:58:34,396
I'm like, Brendan Fraser...

1138
00:58:34,998 --> 00:58:36,764
Tom Cruise.

1139
00:58:36,766 --> 00:58:39,133
(PATRONS CHATTERING)

1140
00:58:39,135 --> 00:58:40,603
(TYPING)

1141
00:58:46,242 --> 00:58:50,077
So if you had to get rid of
one holiday, what would it be?

1142
00:58:50,079 --> 00:58:51,214
[MADISON] Only one?

1143
00:58:51,216 --> 00:58:52,915
[BARNABY] Mm-hmm.

1144
00:58:52,917 --> 00:58:54,616
Easy, Valentine's Day.

1145
00:58:54,618 --> 00:58:58,589
Ah, a romantic, why's that?

1146
00:58:59,790 --> 00:59:02,792
Well, for starters, I
already know I'm single,

1147
00:59:02,794 --> 00:59:05,461
I don't need a national
holiday reminding me.

1148
00:59:05,463 --> 00:59:06,930
And even if I wasn't,

1149
00:59:06,932 --> 00:59:09,365
I'm only a month and a
half away from New Year's,

1150
00:59:09,367 --> 00:59:11,568
I haven't broken my
resolution to lose weight yet

1151
00:59:11,570 --> 00:59:14,137
and then here we are with
a holiday where I get

1152
00:59:14,139 --> 00:59:17,909
showered with chocolate
gifts, ya know?

1153
00:59:17,911 --> 00:59:19,277
What about you?

1154
00:59:19,279 --> 00:59:22,846
I'd have to say
Valentine's Day too for me,

1155
00:59:22,848 --> 00:59:24,415
but for different reasons.

1156
00:59:24,417 --> 00:59:27,186
You see I am terrible
at giving gifts.

1157
00:59:27,188 --> 00:59:29,588
One year, because I
know how important

1158
00:59:29,590 --> 00:59:31,423
personal hygiene is to women,

1159
00:59:31,425 --> 00:59:35,061
I got Elaina
deodorant, mouthwash,

1160
00:59:35,063 --> 00:59:39,334
hair removal gel, and a
feminine freshness kit.

1161
00:59:41,035 --> 00:59:43,236
You know, for her um.

1162
00:59:43,238 --> 00:59:45,406
Yeah, no, I got it.

1163
00:59:46,607 --> 00:59:49,208
Well, she was pissed,
and then the next year,

1164
00:59:49,210 --> 00:59:51,079
I got her the morning after pill

1165
00:59:51,081 --> 00:59:53,046
with a little note that said

1166
00:59:53,048 --> 00:59:54,817
this is for tomorrow.

1167
00:59:55,585 --> 00:59:57,617
She, she hated that too.

1168
00:59:57,619 --> 00:59:59,153
(SIGHS)

1169
00:59:59,155 --> 01:00:00,954
Yeah I wonder why?

1170
01:00:00,956 --> 01:00:03,158
Yeah, and then most recently,

1171
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,794
I took her to a special
screening of Unfaithful.

1172
01:00:06,796 --> 01:00:08,196
Really?

1173
01:00:08,198 --> 01:00:11,600
That's kind of ironic
of you think about it.

1174
01:00:11,602 --> 01:00:14,268
Yeah, no wonder she
kept lookin' at me weird

1175
01:00:14,270 --> 01:00:17,239
the whole time, ah.

1176
01:00:17,241 --> 01:00:19,175
She probably thought
you were on to her.

1177
01:00:19,177 --> 01:00:21,911
Luckily she doesn't know
how dumb you really are.

1178
01:00:21,913 --> 01:00:25,148
Funny, heh, ha, ha.

1179
01:00:25,150 --> 01:00:26,549
Now would you focus please?

1180
01:00:26,551 --> 01:00:28,519
This resume isn't
gonna fix itself.

1181
01:00:28,521 --> 01:00:31,421
I know, that's why I got you.

1182
01:00:31,423 --> 01:00:32,923
Well, you wanted to do it.

1183
01:00:32,925 --> 01:00:35,493
Right, I realize that
but had I known at the time

1184
01:00:35,495 --> 01:00:37,194
that I'd be doing all the work

1185
01:00:37,196 --> 01:00:38,663
I would have asked
for something else.

1186
01:00:38,665 --> 01:00:39,931
Hm.

1187
01:00:39,933 --> 01:00:41,933
Is the degree
in culinary real,

1188
01:00:41,935 --> 01:00:43,902
or did you make those up to?

1189
01:00:43,904 --> 01:00:47,773
Yes it's real, I'm not
a complete loser, jeez.

1190
01:00:47,775 --> 01:00:51,144
Well, I'm sorry but it's hard
to take any degree seriously

1191
01:00:51,146 --> 01:00:53,579
when it's listed after
your degrees in law,

1192
01:00:53,581 --> 01:00:57,950
nuclear engineering,
politics, economics,

1193
01:00:57,952 --> 01:00:59,417
and adventure.

1194
01:00:59,419 --> 01:01:01,220
You know, I actually
can't believe

1195
01:01:01,222 --> 01:01:04,958
you put you earned a
degree in adventure,

1196
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,761
wait you do know that's
not a real degree, right?

1197
01:01:07,763 --> 01:01:10,596
(CHUCKLES)

1198
01:01:10,598 --> 01:01:12,866
Looks like the
jokes on you Madison,

1199
01:01:12,868 --> 01:01:16,204
turns out that adventure
is a real degree.

1200
01:01:16,206 --> 01:01:17,472
Really?

1201
01:01:17,474 --> 01:01:19,640
Yeah, I looked it
up on the internet.

1202
01:01:19,642 --> 01:01:23,644
Huh, and how does one
earn a degree in adventure?

1203
01:01:23,646 --> 01:01:25,213
Well isn't it obvious?

1204
01:01:25,215 --> 01:01:27,382
By going on adventures.

1205
01:01:27,384 --> 01:01:30,386
Ya know, I'm sorry
I asked, delete.

1206
01:01:30,388 --> 01:01:31,219
Aw.

1207
01:01:31,221 --> 01:01:33,156
(TYPING)

1208
01:01:33,758 --> 01:01:35,757
(GROANS)

1209
01:01:35,759 --> 01:01:38,896
So, favorite quarterback?

1210
01:01:39,764 --> 01:01:40,930
All-time or currently playing?

1211
01:01:40,932 --> 01:01:42,132
Currently playing.

1212
01:01:42,134 --> 01:01:43,400
Easy, Tom Brady.

1213
01:01:43,402 --> 01:01:45,137
Tom Brady?

1214
01:01:46,271 --> 01:01:49,405
Over Drew Brees,
Aaron Rodger, Manning?

1215
01:01:49,407 --> 01:01:51,142
And no, not Eli.

1216
01:01:51,144 --> 01:01:52,410
Seriously?

1217
01:01:52,412 --> 01:01:54,444
Seriously, what?

1218
01:01:54,446 --> 01:01:57,247
Tom Brady's made six
Super Bowl appearances,

1219
01:01:57,249 --> 01:01:59,283
he's tied with Joe Montana
for Super Bowl wins

1220
01:01:59,285 --> 01:02:01,585
and not to mention, he's
been to the Pro Bowl

1221
01:02:01,587 --> 01:02:05,458
11 times and NFL MVP twice.

1222
01:02:05,925 --> 01:02:07,425
Yeah.

1223
01:02:07,427 --> 01:02:09,427
So, I expanded your duties
at the mom and pop restaurant,

1224
01:02:09,429 --> 01:02:12,231
and I highlighted your
culinary training and degree,

1225
01:02:12,233 --> 01:02:15,567
and I've added myself and
a friend as a reference.

1226
01:02:15,569 --> 01:02:16,403
Hm.

1227
01:02:17,705 --> 01:02:20,707
Chloe, the serial killer?

1228
01:02:20,709 --> 01:02:21,674
Yes, her.

1229
01:02:21,676 --> 01:02:23,178
She hates me.

1230
01:02:24,312 --> 01:02:26,312
I'm not gonna get a job
if they call her up.

1231
01:02:26,314 --> 01:02:28,882
Relax, she's not
gonna say anything bad.

1232
01:02:28,884 --> 01:02:30,817
When I went back to
get my stuff I forgot,

1233
01:02:30,819 --> 01:02:32,085
she wouldn't stop talking about

1234
01:02:32,087 --> 01:02:33,587
how much she loved your food.

1235
01:02:33,589 --> 01:02:35,755
Okay, well, if
I turn up missing,

1236
01:02:35,757 --> 01:02:39,227
you know who to have the
police question first, right?

1237
01:02:39,229 --> 01:02:41,095
- Yeah, yeah.
- [Barnaby} Okay.

1238
01:02:41,097 --> 01:02:43,298
All right, so I'm gonna
print some of these off

1239
01:02:43,300 --> 01:02:45,633
when I get home, and then
I'll give 'em to you later?

1240
01:02:45,635 --> 01:02:46,469
Cool.

1241
01:02:48,271 --> 01:02:49,970
So, you ready
to have some fun?

1242
01:02:49,972 --> 01:02:52,609
What did you have in mind?

1243
01:02:56,580 --> 01:02:58,214
Is that what I think it is?

1244
01:02:58,216 --> 01:02:59,016
Uh huh.

1245
01:03:00,585 --> 01:03:03,421
Remind me never
to make you mad.

1246
01:03:26,981 --> 01:03:28,479
No, you dork.

1247
01:03:28,481 --> 01:03:30,581
Like this, see, roll
it from underneath,

1248
01:03:30,583 --> 01:03:31,650
so it doesn't get stuck.

1249
01:03:31,652 --> 01:03:33,218
- Oh.
- See?

1250
01:03:33,220 --> 01:03:34,452
My bad.

1251
01:03:34,454 --> 01:03:36,488
I didn't realize
you were an expert.

1252
01:03:36,490 --> 01:03:40,362
So uh, you Saran wrap
a lotta cars or what?

1253
01:03:41,696 --> 01:03:43,263
A few.

1254
01:03:43,265 --> 01:03:44,797
Serious?

1255
01:03:44,799 --> 01:03:46,765
Yes, now come on, we
have to go under the car

1256
01:03:46,767 --> 01:03:48,033
and then over the roof.

1257
01:03:48,035 --> 01:03:49,403
Obviously.

1258
01:03:55,378 --> 01:03:56,212
Ah.

1259
01:03:57,713 --> 01:03:59,179
It's my friend's wedding,

1260
01:03:59,181 --> 01:04:03,886
and I thought we'd surprise
her with an early wedding gift.

1261
01:04:12,796 --> 01:04:13,696
Keep goin'.

1262
01:04:19,203 --> 01:04:21,704
All right, let's go hide and
wait for her to come out.

1263
01:04:21,706 --> 01:04:22,774
Okay.

1264
01:04:23,241 --> 01:04:24,009
There.

1265
01:04:26,043 --> 01:04:26,878
Sorry.

1266
01:04:34,553 --> 01:04:35,888
Ding, ding, pow.

1267
01:04:44,498 --> 01:04:46,130
So, you gonna tell me
about those other cars

1268
01:04:46,132 --> 01:04:47,599
you Saran wrapped?

1269
01:04:47,601 --> 01:04:48,435
Nope.

1270
01:04:49,368 --> 01:04:52,039
Come on, was it ex-boyfriends?

1271
01:04:54,008 --> 01:04:55,640
Ex-girlfriends?

1272
01:04:55,642 --> 01:04:57,175
It doesn't matter.

1273
01:04:57,177 --> 01:04:59,512
I knew it, ex-girlfriends.

1274
01:04:59,514 --> 01:05:00,845
Right on.

1275
01:05:00,847 --> 01:05:03,183
It was an ex-boyfriend, okay?

1276
01:05:03,185 --> 01:05:05,719
Found out he had
a wife and a son.

1277
01:05:05,721 --> 01:05:07,389
Just leave it alone.

1278
01:05:08,589 --> 01:05:12,458
All right, so a
what, you Saran wrapped

1279
01:05:12,460 --> 01:05:13,926
both his and his wife's car?

1280
01:05:13,928 --> 01:05:15,863
(LAUGHS)

1281
01:05:15,865 --> 01:05:18,198
You know, you can be a
little stupid sometimes.

1282
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:20,101
Only sometimes.

1283
01:05:20,103 --> 01:05:24,439
Did you just accidentally
give me a compliment?

1284
01:05:24,441 --> 01:05:26,277
Shh, here she comes.

1285
01:05:34,185 --> 01:05:35,518
Barnaby!

1286
01:05:37,254 --> 01:05:39,755
You're dead next time I see you!

1287
01:05:39,757 --> 01:05:41,523
(LAUGHING)

1288
01:05:41,525 --> 01:05:44,226
Barnaby, is that you?

1289
01:05:44,228 --> 01:05:46,061
Get over here so I
can kick your ass.

1290
01:05:46,063 --> 01:05:48,764
(GIGGLING)

1291
01:05:48,766 --> 01:05:51,002
(GROANING)

1292
01:05:52,138 --> 01:05:54,973
(SNORING LIGHTLY)

1293
01:06:07,621 --> 01:06:09,857
(CLACKING)

1294
01:06:17,865 --> 01:06:18,932
What the?

1295
01:06:21,836 --> 01:06:23,004
[THIEF] Ooh!

1296
01:06:25,339 --> 01:06:26,873
(LAUGHING)

1297
01:06:26,875 --> 01:06:28,708
Were you just trying
to break into my car?

1298
01:06:28,710 --> 01:06:30,409
No, this is your car?

1299
01:06:30,411 --> 01:06:31,478
I thought it was mine.

1300
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:33,880
You have the same car?

1301
01:06:33,882 --> 01:06:36,819
What kinda car is this then?

1302
01:06:37,286 --> 01:06:38,588
SUV.

1303
01:06:39,722 --> 01:06:42,055
I meant make
and model, genius.

1304
01:06:42,057 --> 01:06:44,628
Uh, Ford?

1305
01:06:45,095 --> 01:06:45,762
No.

1306
01:06:46,662 --> 01:06:47,861
Chevy?

1307
01:06:47,863 --> 01:06:49,263
Okay, now you're
just guessing.

1308
01:06:49,265 --> 01:06:50,799
Hey, some people don't know

1309
01:06:50,801 --> 01:06:52,636
what kind of car
they drive, right?

1310
01:06:53,237 --> 01:06:54,802
Uh, I guess.

1311
01:06:54,804 --> 01:06:57,741
Wait a second, don't I know you?

1312
01:06:59,342 --> 01:07:00,342
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1313
01:07:00,344 --> 01:07:01,810
No.

1314
01:07:01,812 --> 01:07:04,180
You're the asshole that stole
my bag of cans and ran off.

1315
01:07:04,182 --> 01:07:07,082
Hey, you mistook
me for someone else.

1316
01:07:07,084 --> 01:07:08,552
No, I know it's you.

1317
01:07:08,554 --> 01:07:12,222
You're wearin' that same
silly pants and everything!

1318
01:07:12,224 --> 01:07:14,891
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1319
01:07:14,893 --> 01:07:16,261
What's that?

1320
01:07:22,368 --> 01:07:24,402
I can still see you.

1321
01:07:24,404 --> 01:07:26,505
Uh, no, you can't.

1322
01:07:26,507 --> 01:07:27,474
Yes.

1323
01:07:28,175 --> 01:07:29,441
No?

1324
01:07:29,443 --> 01:07:33,113
Whatever dude, just
stay away from my car!

1325
01:07:47,495 --> 01:07:48,330
(DOOR CLOSES)

1326
01:08:05,848 --> 01:08:07,616
Excuse me, sir.

1327
01:08:07,618 --> 01:08:09,216
This is the second
time I tell you

1328
01:08:09,218 --> 01:08:10,517
it's illegal to be
naked in public.

1329
01:08:10,519 --> 01:08:13,587
We're gonna have to take you in.

1330
01:08:13,589 --> 01:08:15,190
Quit resisting,
you're under arrest!

1331
01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:16,559
(BARNABY GROANS)

1332
01:08:16,561 --> 01:08:17,493
Is he resisting?

1333
01:08:17,495 --> 01:08:18,661
He sure is.

1334
01:08:18,663 --> 01:08:19,461
Looks like we're
gonna have to tase him!

1335
01:08:19,463 --> 01:08:20,662
No, I'm not resisting.

1336
01:08:20,664 --> 01:08:22,398
(ELECTRICAL SNAPPING)
(BARNABY GROANING)

1337
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:25,136
(OFFICER LAUGHS)

1338
01:08:31,876 --> 01:08:32,775
(ELECTRICAL SNAPPING)

1339
01:08:32,777 --> 01:08:34,112
(OFFICER CHUCKLES)

1340
01:08:39,419 --> 01:08:40,987
(CLACKING)

1341
01:08:43,323 --> 01:08:46,326
(UPBEAT BASS MUSIC)

1342
01:09:04,312 --> 01:09:06,345
Thanks for bailin' me out.

1343
01:09:06,347 --> 01:09:08,214
No problem.

1344
01:09:08,216 --> 01:09:09,715
Nice clothes.

1345
01:09:09,717 --> 01:09:12,217
(MADISON WHISTLES)

1346
01:09:12,219 --> 01:09:13,486
It's all they had.

1347
01:09:13,488 --> 01:09:14,954
What happened to your clothes?

1348
01:09:14,956 --> 01:09:16,890
Did they not give 'em back?

1349
01:09:16,892 --> 01:09:19,359
I wasn't wearing any
clothes when they arrested me.

1350
01:09:19,361 --> 01:09:20,293
What?

1351
01:09:20,295 --> 01:09:21,729
You were naked?

1352
01:09:21,731 --> 01:09:23,730
If naked means I wasn't
wearing any clothes,

1353
01:09:23,732 --> 01:09:25,332
then yeah, I was naked.

1354
01:09:25,334 --> 01:09:26,467
What happened?

1355
01:09:26,469 --> 01:09:27,735
Wait, why were you naked

1356
01:09:27,737 --> 01:09:29,538
and what did you'd
do to get arrested?

1357
01:09:29,540 --> 01:09:31,640
Well apparently,
they have a law

1358
01:09:31,642 --> 01:09:34,409
against showering
naked in public.

1359
01:09:34,411 --> 01:09:36,143
Stupid, right?

1360
01:09:36,145 --> 01:09:37,378
Why have a shower
in a public place

1361
01:09:37,380 --> 01:09:39,549
if you can't take a
naked shower under it?

1362
01:09:39,551 --> 01:09:41,384
You mean beach showers?

1363
01:09:41,386 --> 01:09:44,019
Because I'm pretty sure you're
only supposed to use those

1364
01:09:44,021 --> 01:09:46,923
to like get sand
off of your body.

1365
01:09:46,925 --> 01:09:48,458
Really?

1366
01:09:48,460 --> 01:09:50,126
Yeah.

1367
01:09:50,128 --> 01:09:51,394
Oh.

1368
01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:54,630
Well, good news, I
sent off your resume

1369
01:09:54,632 --> 01:09:57,000
to a couple of restaurants
that were looking for a chef.

1370
01:09:57,002 --> 01:09:58,434
One of 'em messaged me back

1371
01:09:58,436 --> 01:10:00,603
and they want you to
come in for an interview.

1372
01:10:00,605 --> 01:10:02,207
Cool.

1373
01:10:02,209 --> 01:10:04,408
Don't sound too excited.

1374
01:10:04,410 --> 01:10:07,112
I just don't think I'm gonna
make it to that interview.

1375
01:10:07,114 --> 01:10:08,212
Why?

1376
01:10:08,214 --> 01:10:09,881
Well, I told you already,

1377
01:10:09,883 --> 01:10:12,183
I don't really wanna
be a chef anymore.

1378
01:10:12,185 --> 01:10:13,851
But you're good at it.

1379
01:10:13,853 --> 01:10:16,555
And this isn't gonna be
like the last job you had.

1380
01:10:16,557 --> 01:10:19,290
Their menu is amazing,
I made sure of it.

1381
01:10:19,292 --> 01:10:20,559
I know you're gonna like it.

1382
01:10:20,561 --> 01:10:21,894
It's not that.

1383
01:10:21,896 --> 01:10:23,128
Then what is it?

1384
01:10:23,130 --> 01:10:27,366
It's, uh, you ever,
you ever just think

1385
01:10:27,368 --> 01:10:29,002
that you'd be further
along in your life

1386
01:10:29,004 --> 01:10:31,103
when you got to this age.

1387
01:10:31,105 --> 01:10:33,339
I mean, look how old we are.

1388
01:10:33,341 --> 01:10:36,142
I thought when I got this
old, I'd have a house, wife,

1389
01:10:36,144 --> 01:10:41,150
kids, an actual career I can
be proud of, but look at me.

1390
01:10:41,917 --> 01:10:43,483
If I take this job,

1391
01:10:43,485 --> 01:10:44,986
they'll most likely start
me off at a low position,

1392
01:10:44,988 --> 01:10:49,723
and I'll waste even more time
tryin' to move my way up,

1393
01:10:49,725 --> 01:10:50,992
and I'll be in the
same place I was in

1394
01:10:50,994 --> 01:10:53,694
when I graduated
from high school.

1395
01:10:53,696 --> 01:10:56,230
And then, what if
that doesn't work out?

1396
01:10:56,232 --> 01:10:58,032
I don't wanna be 40
livin' out of my car

1397
01:10:58,034 --> 01:11:01,336
tryin' to figure out
what to do with my life.

1398
01:11:01,338 --> 01:11:03,239
(SIGHS)

1399
01:11:03,241 --> 01:11:06,309
I don't think anybody
has it figured out, Arnie.

1400
01:11:06,311 --> 01:11:07,776
You think having a good job

1401
01:11:07,778 --> 01:11:09,913
and a house and
family'd change that?

1402
01:11:09,915 --> 01:11:11,681
Because I know a lot of
people who have those things,

1403
01:11:11,683 --> 01:11:13,550
and they're just as
confused as you are.

1404
01:11:13,552 --> 01:11:16,052
I highly doubt that.

1405
01:11:16,054 --> 01:11:18,689
Everything always looks
better from the outside in.

1406
01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:20,790
You know what you should
do with your life?

1407
01:11:20,792 --> 01:11:22,325
Something that you love.

1408
01:11:22,327 --> 01:11:25,029
What is it that you love, Arnie?

1409
01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,764
I guess I do like to cook.

1410
01:11:26,766 --> 01:11:28,001
Then cook.

1411
01:11:29,168 --> 01:11:30,936
You know, most people
spend their life

1412
01:11:30,938 --> 01:11:33,638
searching for something
they love, and you found it.

1413
01:11:33,640 --> 01:11:37,107
So in my book, you're
way ahead of the rest.

1414
01:11:37,109 --> 01:11:38,810
You do have a point.

1415
01:11:38,812 --> 01:11:40,181
Uh, yeah.

1416
01:11:42,115 --> 01:11:43,950
What is it that you like to do?

1417
01:11:43,952 --> 01:11:44,785
Me,

1418
01:11:45,954 --> 01:11:47,185
I like to eat.

1419
01:11:47,187 --> 01:11:48,453
(CHUCKLES)

1420
01:11:48,455 --> 01:11:50,490
So, I guess that makes
us the perfect pair.

1421
01:11:50,492 --> 01:11:52,225
I guess we are.

1422
01:11:52,227 --> 01:11:55,697
Speaking of food, I am starving.

1423
01:11:56,598 --> 01:11:58,865
The prison food was terrible.

1424
01:11:58,867 --> 01:12:00,766
Do you wanna get somethin'?

1425
01:12:00,768 --> 01:12:02,369
Yeah, I'd like that.

1426
01:12:02,371 --> 01:12:05,306
(LAUGHS)

1427
01:12:05,308 --> 01:12:07,609
(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

1428
01:12:07,611 --> 01:12:08,445
(CHOP)

1429
01:12:11,514 --> 01:12:12,682
(CHOPPING)

1430
01:12:33,939 --> 01:12:35,140
(CHOPPING)

1431
01:13:23,158 --> 01:13:24,594
(CHOPPING)

1432
01:13:57,295 --> 01:13:59,396
Thanks for comin' with me.

1433
01:13:59,398 --> 01:14:02,902
Hey, relax, you're
gonna do fine.

1434
01:14:03,869 --> 01:14:05,268
You think so?

1435
01:14:05,270 --> 01:14:06,505
I know so.

1436
01:14:08,375 --> 01:14:09,876
I don't know.

1437
01:14:11,310 --> 01:14:15,048
It's been a long time since
I've cooked at this level.

1438
01:14:15,783 --> 01:14:17,918
Maybe we should just go.

1439
01:14:18,785 --> 01:14:20,654
Look at me, Arnie.

1440
01:14:22,088 --> 01:14:25,791
You're an amazing cook, and
you're gonna go in there,

1441
01:14:25,793 --> 01:14:30,630
and they're gonna see that,
and they're gonna love you.

1442
01:14:30,632 --> 01:14:32,098
Maybe.

1443
01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:34,000
Would you stop dong that?

1444
01:14:34,002 --> 01:14:35,167
Doing what?

1445
01:14:35,169 --> 01:14:37,170
Stop feeling
sorry for yourself.

1446
01:14:37,172 --> 01:14:38,773
I don't feel sorry for myself.

1447
01:14:38,775 --> 01:14:42,309
Yes, you do, all
the time, actually.

1448
01:14:42,311 --> 01:14:46,449
It's not that I feel
sorry for myself, it's just,

1449
01:14:48,116 --> 01:14:50,787
I don't know if I'm good enough.

1450
01:14:52,255 --> 01:14:55,425
And I don't wanna go in there
and make a fool outta myself.

1451
01:14:56,359 --> 01:14:58,362
But Arnie, you
are good enough.

1452
01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:01,165
Oh, maybe.

1453
01:15:04,168 --> 01:15:05,434
(SIGHS)

1454
01:15:05,436 --> 01:15:09,707
Look, you can have all
the talent in the world,

1455
01:15:10,841 --> 01:15:12,208
but if you don't
believe in yourself,

1456
01:15:12,210 --> 01:15:15,345
it really doesn't
matter, does it?

1457
01:15:15,347 --> 01:15:19,015
And maybe you go in there
and totally screw up,

1458
01:15:19,017 --> 01:15:20,917
but who cares?

1459
01:15:20,919 --> 01:15:22,819
At least you went in
there and found out

1460
01:15:22,821 --> 01:15:26,927
instead of spending the rest
of your life wondering what if.

1461
01:15:28,328 --> 01:15:31,730
You know, you can be quite
persuasive when you want to be.

1462
01:15:31,732 --> 01:15:32,930
I know.

1463
01:15:32,932 --> 01:15:36,201
Um, my driver-side
door is broken,

1464
01:15:36,203 --> 01:15:39,204
so I have to.

1465
01:15:39,206 --> 01:15:40,806
Oh, yeah, that's cool.

1466
01:15:40,808 --> 01:15:41,640
Sorry.

1467
01:15:41,642 --> 01:15:42,710
It's all good.

1468
01:15:45,179 --> 01:15:46,645
(DOOR OPENS)
Got it?

1469
01:15:46,647 --> 01:15:47,946
(GROANS)

1470
01:15:47,948 --> 01:15:49,282
There ya go.

1471
01:15:50,952 --> 01:15:52,119
- You good?
- [BARNABY] Yeah.

1472
01:15:52,121 --> 01:15:53,652
[MADISON] Okay.

1473
01:15:53,654 --> 01:15:56,022
Why don't you tell me a
little bit about yourself?

1474
01:15:56,024 --> 01:15:59,925
Well, my name is Barnaby,
but everyone calls me Arnie,

1475
01:15:59,927 --> 01:16:02,897
and I recently broke
up with my girlfriend

1476
01:16:02,899 --> 01:16:04,599
who I later found out
had been cheatin' on me

1477
01:16:04,601 --> 01:16:06,669
for the last six months.

1478
01:16:09,071 --> 01:16:11,007
What I meant to say is,

1479
01:16:12,876 --> 01:16:16,377
I love to cook, and after
graduating culinary school,

1480
01:16:16,379 --> 01:16:20,849
I got a terrible job at
a terrible restaurant,

1481
01:16:20,851 --> 01:16:23,851
nothing like this place,
this place is great,

1482
01:16:23,853 --> 01:16:26,789
and I forgot how
much I love to cook,

1483
01:16:26,791 --> 01:16:29,825
but then recently, a really
amazing friend of mine

1484
01:16:29,827 --> 01:16:32,529
reminded me of how
much I love it.

1485
01:16:32,531 --> 01:16:36,168
Heat, the smell, the art,

1486
01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:40,137
watching people's faces light
up when they taste your food,

1487
01:16:40,139 --> 01:16:42,839
and so here I am.

1488
01:16:42,841 --> 01:16:45,609
What do you know
about our restaurant?

1489
01:16:45,611 --> 01:16:48,846
Well, I know you're open from
11:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m.

1490
01:16:48,848 --> 01:16:50,182
Sunday through Monday,

1491
01:16:50,184 --> 01:16:53,117
open until midnight
Friday and Saturday,

1492
01:16:53,119 --> 01:16:56,454
have been voted best local
restaurant three years running,

1493
01:16:56,456 --> 01:16:59,890
have a menu consisting
of 60% Italian dishes,

1494
01:16:59,892 --> 01:17:01,527
and are located
in a part of town

1495
01:17:01,529 --> 01:17:04,630
that receives a lot of
high-end consumer foot traffic.

1496
01:17:04,632 --> 01:17:06,998
Well done, you've
done your homework.

1497
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,202
You're damn right I did.

1498
01:17:09,204 --> 01:17:13,371
Well now, in front of you
are several ingredients.

1499
01:17:13,373 --> 01:17:15,742
I want you to write
me a menu and cook it.

1500
01:17:15,744 --> 01:17:18,444
You have 30 minutes
starting from now.

1501
01:17:18,446 --> 01:17:20,980
(CHATTERING)

1502
01:17:20,982 --> 01:17:21,883
Yes?

1503
01:17:22,750 --> 01:17:24,485
Is menu with one n or two?

1504
01:17:27,090 --> 01:17:29,593
Just kiddin', I know it's two.

1505
01:17:30,527 --> 01:17:33,263
(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

1506
01:18:17,277 --> 01:18:19,713
(CHATTERING)

1507
01:18:22,616 --> 01:18:25,685
Ha, you can put
your hands down now.

1508
01:18:25,687 --> 01:18:26,520
Right.

1509
01:18:32,626 --> 01:18:34,593
So, what do you think?

1510
01:18:34,595 --> 01:18:38,598
For someone who can't spell
menu, that's quite good.

1511
01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:40,200
I know there's only one n.

1512
01:18:40,202 --> 01:18:42,135
And no e on the end.

1513
01:18:42,137 --> 01:18:44,071
(CHUCKLES)

1514
01:18:44,073 --> 01:18:46,005
Well, I've got one
more interview,

1515
01:18:46,007 --> 01:18:48,142
but you should be
hearing from me soon.

1516
01:18:48,144 --> 01:18:49,844
Awesome.

1517
01:18:49,846 --> 01:18:50,681
Thank you.

1518
01:18:58,821 --> 01:19:02,524
So, got a little bored
while I was waiting,

1519
01:19:02,526 --> 01:19:04,092
and I was digging
through your stuff,

1520
01:19:04,094 --> 01:19:06,895
and I found your
autograph football.

1521
01:19:06,897 --> 01:19:08,163
Oh yeah?

1522
01:19:08,165 --> 01:19:09,198
It's cool, right?

1523
01:19:09,200 --> 01:19:10,666
Yeah.

1524
01:19:10,668 --> 01:19:12,734
It took me like two weeks
to forge the signatures.

1525
01:19:12,736 --> 01:19:14,070
I bet.

1526
01:19:14,072 --> 01:19:14,906
So?

1527
01:19:16,742 --> 01:19:18,741
How'd it go in there?

1528
01:19:18,743 --> 01:19:21,345
Uh, she has one other
person to interview,

1529
01:19:21,347 --> 01:19:24,247
uh, but it looks
like I got the job.

1530
01:19:24,249 --> 01:19:25,717
Really?

1531
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:27,884
Yeah, well, I mean, she's
gonna call me tomorrow.

1532
01:19:27,886 --> 01:19:29,086
See?

1533
01:19:29,088 --> 01:19:30,455
And you didn't
wanna go in there.

1534
01:19:30,457 --> 01:19:31,856
Yeah, yeah.

1535
01:19:31,858 --> 01:19:33,191
(MADISON LAUGHS)

1536
01:19:33,193 --> 01:19:34,825
Let's go celebrate.

1537
01:19:34,827 --> 01:19:36,126
Okay.

1538
01:19:36,128 --> 01:19:37,964
Where do you wanna go?

1539
01:19:39,266 --> 01:19:41,200
I have a place in mind.

1540
01:19:41,202 --> 01:19:42,734
Get in, I'll drive.

1541
01:19:42,736 --> 01:19:44,002
("COULD BE LOVE"
BY FRENCHY MADE)

1542
01:19:44,004 --> 01:19:47,005
♪ Saying that you love me ♪

1543
01:19:47,007 --> 01:19:49,943
♪ Saying that you need me ♪

1544
01:19:49,945 --> 01:19:52,444
♪ But do you really want me ♪

1545
01:19:52,446 --> 01:19:55,982
♪ Like you know, know, know ♪

1546
01:19:55,984 --> 01:19:58,984
♪ Saying that you love me ♪

1547
01:19:58,986 --> 01:20:01,955
♪ Saying that you need me ♪

1548
01:20:01,957 --> 01:20:04,525
♪ But do you really want me ♪

1549
01:20:04,527 --> 01:20:06,327
♪ Like you know, know, know ♪

1550
01:20:06,329 --> 01:20:08,962
♪ When you comin' home ♪

1551
01:20:08,964 --> 01:20:11,865
♪ I'm sitting home alone ♪

1552
01:20:11,867 --> 01:20:14,069
♪ Baby, it's 4:00 a.m. ♪

1553
01:20:14,071 --> 01:20:16,237
Oh, I gotta be honest.

1554
01:20:16,239 --> 01:20:17,505
When I woke up this morning,

1555
01:20:17,507 --> 01:20:20,277
I did not see my
day ending here.

1556
01:20:21,879 --> 01:20:23,346
Is that right?

1557
01:20:24,480 --> 01:20:27,683
You, uh, didn't see
your day ending with you

1558
01:20:27,685 --> 01:20:32,057
crossing off the final
thing from your bucket list?

1559
01:20:33,425 --> 01:20:34,991
Oh.

1560
01:20:34,993 --> 01:20:37,125
That's what this is about?

1561
01:20:37,127 --> 01:20:38,429
(CHUCKLES)

1562
01:20:38,431 --> 01:20:39,496
I thought we were gonna--

1563
01:20:39,498 --> 01:20:42,000
Oh, I know what you thought.

1564
01:20:43,668 --> 01:20:47,038
So, you wanna come
up here and join me?

1565
01:20:47,539 --> 01:20:48,404
Yes.

1566
01:20:48,406 --> 01:20:50,108
♪ Maybe it's love ♪

1567
01:20:50,110 --> 01:20:51,109
(LAUGHS)

1568
01:20:51,111 --> 01:20:53,410
♪ To be loved ♪

1569
01:20:53,412 --> 01:20:56,114
(GROANS)

1570
01:20:56,116 --> 01:20:59,016
♪ Saying that you love me ♪

1571
01:20:59,018 --> 01:21:02,221
♪ Saying that you need me ♪

1572
01:21:02,223 --> 01:21:04,490
♪ But do you really want me ♪

1573
01:21:04,492 --> 01:21:07,025
♪ Like you know, know, know ♪

1574
01:21:07,027 --> 01:21:08,726
Oh, when I was a kid,

1575
01:21:08,728 --> 01:21:11,262
I thought this was
gonna be a lot more fun.

1576
01:21:11,264 --> 01:21:14,601
Yeah, uh, I guess it has lost

1577
01:21:14,603 --> 01:21:17,704
some of its fun
over the years, huh?

1578
01:21:17,706 --> 01:21:20,509
So, what do you wanna do?

1579
01:21:21,909 --> 01:21:23,876
Well, I still have some
of the money left over

1580
01:21:23,878 --> 01:21:27,081
from when I cooked
for your friend.

1581
01:21:27,083 --> 01:21:29,649
How 'bout we pig
out on room service?

1582
01:21:29,651 --> 01:21:31,051
Thought you'd never ask.

1583
01:21:31,053 --> 01:21:33,623
(UPBEAT MUSIC)

1584
01:21:41,331 --> 01:21:44,765
[BARNABY] Okay, you
gotta try this one.

1585
01:21:44,767 --> 01:21:46,400
(GENTLE MUSIC)

1586
01:21:46,402 --> 01:21:48,304
(CHUCKLES)

1587
01:21:49,773 --> 01:21:52,809
Oh my god, that is terrible.

1588
01:21:52,811 --> 01:21:54,110
I know, right?

1589
01:21:54,112 --> 01:21:57,779
Hm, why would you
make me taste that?

1590
01:21:57,781 --> 01:21:59,449
You're the one
that ordered it.

1591
01:21:59,451 --> 01:22:00,285
Ugh.

1592
01:22:03,089 --> 01:22:03,922
So,

1593
01:22:06,259 --> 01:22:09,293
I don't think I ever
told you thanks.

1594
01:22:09,295 --> 01:22:10,995
For what?

1595
01:22:10,997 --> 01:22:12,431
For everything.

1596
01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:17,736
I don't know where I'd be
right now if it wasn't for you.

1597
01:22:17,738 --> 01:22:19,737
It's no problem.

1598
01:22:19,739 --> 01:22:23,241
I'm sure you would've
done the same for me.

1599
01:22:23,243 --> 01:22:24,077
Yeah.

1600
01:22:25,946 --> 01:22:27,180
What?

1601
01:22:27,182 --> 01:22:28,349
Nothin'.

1602
01:22:28,950 --> 01:22:29,584
Tell me.

1603
01:22:30,884 --> 01:22:32,020
It's just,

1604
01:22:33,353 --> 01:22:35,988
I've never seen someone

1605
01:22:35,990 --> 01:22:39,193
eat food without chewing.

1606
01:22:39,195 --> 01:22:41,994
(LAUGHS)

1607
01:22:41,996 --> 01:22:45,565
I know you can do it, I've
just never seen it done before.

1608
01:22:45,567 --> 01:22:47,268
Okay, shut up.

1609
01:22:48,003 --> 01:22:49,503
Ah, I was just jokin'.

1610
01:22:49,505 --> 01:22:50,606
Yeah, sure.

1611
01:22:53,143 --> 01:22:57,411
So, whatever happened to that
married guy you were datin'?

1612
01:22:57,413 --> 01:22:59,747
Were you two
together for a while?

1613
01:22:59,749 --> 01:23:03,253
Um, yeah, we were,

1614
01:23:04,387 --> 01:23:06,455
we were together
for quite some time.

1615
01:23:06,457 --> 01:23:08,190
Like a few months?

1616
01:23:08,192 --> 01:23:09,825
Two years.

1617
01:23:09,827 --> 01:23:11,093
He was married the whole time

1618
01:23:11,095 --> 01:23:15,064
and you didn't figure
that out for two years?

1619
01:23:15,066 --> 01:23:18,569
What about women's
intuition and all that?

1620
01:23:20,071 --> 01:23:22,740
I'm sorry, continue.

1621
01:23:23,408 --> 01:23:25,911
Um, (SIGHS)

1622
01:23:27,045 --> 01:23:29,313
well, the whole
time we were dating,

1623
01:23:29,315 --> 01:23:33,951
I was always busy working and
I was taking night classes.

1624
01:23:33,953 --> 01:23:37,955
Um, we didn't see
each other that much.

1625
01:23:37,957 --> 01:23:40,626
I mean, I always figured
he was hiding something,

1626
01:23:40,628 --> 01:23:45,263
but I also thought maybe I
was just imagining things.

1627
01:23:45,265 --> 01:23:47,598
How'd you find out
about his wife and kids?

1628
01:23:47,600 --> 01:23:50,270
That was by accident really.

1629
01:23:50,272 --> 01:23:53,905
Um, I was out with
a friend somewhere

1630
01:23:53,907 --> 01:23:57,511
and um, there he was,

1631
01:23:58,680 --> 01:24:00,245
across the street
at a little cafe

1632
01:24:00,247 --> 01:24:02,816
with his wife and son,

1633
01:24:02,818 --> 01:24:06,288
and they looked like
a regular family.

1634
01:24:07,789 --> 01:24:10,025
I mean, they looked so happy,

1635
01:24:13,297 --> 01:24:16,464
and he looked over
at me at one point,

1636
01:24:16,466 --> 01:24:18,366
and then he went back
to talking to his wife

1637
01:24:18,368 --> 01:24:19,567
and playing with his son,

1638
01:24:19,569 --> 01:24:22,939
like he didn't even
know who I was.

1639
01:24:24,007 --> 01:24:26,941
What a real sack of shit.

1640
01:24:26,943 --> 01:24:29,211
So, what'd you do?

1641
01:24:29,213 --> 01:24:30,982
Did you tell his wife?

1642
01:24:32,215 --> 01:24:33,217
Key his car?

1643
01:24:34,619 --> 01:24:35,650
Egg his house?

1644
01:24:35,652 --> 01:24:37,053
(CHUCKLES)

1645
01:24:37,055 --> 01:24:37,889
No.

1646
01:24:38,590 --> 01:24:39,425
Uh

1647
01:24:40,326 --> 01:24:41,525
(SIGHS)

1648
01:24:41,527 --> 01:24:42,558
I just deleted
him from my phone,

1649
01:24:42,560 --> 01:24:45,264
and I've been single ever since.

1650
01:24:46,764 --> 01:24:50,101
You know, I didn't even tell
my friends what happened.

1651
01:24:50,103 --> 01:24:53,006
I, uh, I was too embarrassed.

1652
01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:59,477
You're actually the first
person I've ever told.

1653
01:24:59,479 --> 01:25:00,678
Well, this night

1654
01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:04,515
has really taken a turn
for Depressionville.

1655
01:25:04,517 --> 01:25:09,121
Oh, well, you're the one
who asked me about my ex.

1656
01:25:09,123 --> 01:25:10,355
Well, I just didn't know

1657
01:25:10,357 --> 01:25:13,560
you were gonna make it
sound so sad, you know?

1658
01:25:13,562 --> 01:25:15,194
Oh, oh, okay.

1659
01:25:15,196 --> 01:25:18,967
Um, was-was I supposed
to make it sound happy?

1660
01:25:20,369 --> 01:25:25,140
Well, you could made
it a little more happier.

1661
01:25:26,742 --> 01:25:27,576
I'm sorry,

1662
01:25:28,978 --> 01:25:32,849
I'm gonna stop talking
now and go take a shower.

1663
01:25:34,783 --> 01:25:37,052
It's been a while
since I've taken shower

1664
01:25:37,054 --> 01:25:38,855
in an actual bathroom.

1665
01:25:42,192 --> 01:25:46,194
Okay, so, yeah,

1666
01:25:46,196 --> 01:25:48,265
I'll be in the shower.

1667
01:25:59,676 --> 01:26:01,112
Did you want one?

1668
01:26:03,149 --> 01:26:06,218
(BUZZING)

1669
01:26:07,186 --> 01:26:10,052
Hey, Madison, you really gotta

1670
01:26:10,054 --> 01:26:12,691
try this shower before we leave.

1671
01:26:15,961 --> 01:26:18,630
It's got one of those
shower heads with the hoses,

1672
01:26:18,632 --> 01:26:22,233
so you can get all
up in your spaces.

1673
01:26:22,235 --> 01:26:24,771
It's really quite amazing.

1674
01:26:26,840 --> 01:26:29,842
Hey, Madison, did
you hear what I said?

1675
01:26:29,844 --> 01:26:32,311
Got one of those shower
heads with the, uh.

1676
01:26:32,313 --> 01:26:34,849
(GENTLE MUSIC)

1677
01:26:51,668 --> 01:26:53,670
(SIGHS)

1678
01:27:22,000 --> 01:27:24,603
(PHONE BUZZING)

1679
01:27:37,117 --> 01:27:37,950
Hello.

1680
01:27:38,918 --> 01:27:40,287
(MADISON SIGHS)

1681
01:27:40,887 --> 01:27:41,721
This is him.

1682
01:27:44,925 --> 01:27:45,758
Really?

1683
01:27:48,127 --> 01:27:49,963
No, that's great news.

1684
01:27:52,467 --> 01:27:53,468
Where at?

1685
01:27:56,271 --> 01:27:59,374
When would you want
me to be there by?

1686
01:28:01,544 --> 01:28:03,711
Yes, I can be there then.

1687
01:28:05,714 --> 01:28:06,948
No, thank you.

1688
01:28:08,983 --> 01:28:09,817
Bye.

1689
01:28:23,166 --> 01:28:24,000
Madison?

1690
01:28:26,203 --> 01:28:27,038
Yeah.

1691
01:28:28,204 --> 01:28:30,474
(CHUCKLES)

1692
01:28:31,508 --> 01:28:32,842
I got the job.

1693
01:28:35,011 --> 01:28:38,081
They wanna hire me as head chef.

1694
01:28:38,083 --> 01:28:39,416
I start Monday.

1695
01:28:39,418 --> 01:28:40,983
What?

1696
01:28:40,985 --> 01:28:42,887
That's great, Arnie.

1697
01:28:44,623 --> 01:28:48,291
What's wrong, why
do you look so sad?

1698
01:28:48,293 --> 01:28:50,196
They want me to move.

1699
01:28:52,031 --> 01:28:52,865
Far.

1700
01:28:55,802 --> 01:28:57,103
How-how far?

1701
01:28:58,137 --> 01:28:59,138
Seattle.

1702
01:29:00,974 --> 01:29:02,473
(SIGHS)

1703
01:29:02,475 --> 01:29:04,109
That is far.

1704
01:29:04,111 --> 01:29:05,713
Tell me about it.

1705
01:29:09,782 --> 01:29:14,520
Well, it sounds like
a great opportunity.

1706
01:29:14,522 --> 01:29:17,091
You should definitely go for it.

1707
01:29:18,525 --> 01:29:20,528
I mean it is, but, uh.

1708
01:29:22,296 --> 01:29:23,197
But what?

1709
01:29:28,037 --> 01:29:31,140
I don't know, it's
just really far.

1710
01:29:33,208 --> 01:29:36,009
Head chefs take
vacations, right?

1711
01:29:36,011 --> 01:29:37,179
Yeah.

1712
01:29:38,280 --> 01:29:42,050
Then you can always
come and visit.

1713
01:29:42,052 --> 01:29:43,286
I guess so.

1714
01:29:46,722 --> 01:29:48,726
(SIGHS)

1715
01:29:50,260 --> 01:29:52,662
So, when do you have to leave?

1716
01:29:52,664 --> 01:29:55,230
I should probably leave by,

1717
01:29:55,232 --> 01:29:57,432
well, I should probably leave
in the next couple of hours

1718
01:29:57,434 --> 01:30:00,271
if I'm gonna be there by Monday.

1719
01:30:01,607 --> 01:30:04,074
Yeah, you should
probably get to it, then.

1720
01:30:04,076 --> 01:30:07,878
(PEACEFUL MUSIC)

1721
01:30:07,880 --> 01:30:09,913
Would you stop looking so sad?

1722
01:30:09,915 --> 01:30:11,750
This is good news.

1723
01:30:13,653 --> 01:30:15,588
I guess you're right.

1724
01:30:27,868 --> 01:30:30,402
So, this is real, you're-
you're really moving?

1725
01:30:30,404 --> 01:30:33,371
Yeah Dad, I'm really movin'.

1726
01:30:33,373 --> 01:30:35,040
I told you we should
never have kicked him out.

1727
01:30:35,042 --> 01:30:36,810
Now, we're never
gonna see him again.

1728
01:30:36,812 --> 01:30:40,046
Relax Mom, I'll
be back to visit.

1729
01:30:40,048 --> 01:30:41,014
Promise?

1730
01:30:41,016 --> 01:30:43,816
Yes, every chance I get.

1731
01:30:43,818 --> 01:30:46,185
All right, well
give your mom a hug.

1732
01:30:46,187 --> 01:30:48,320
[BARNABY] Goodbye, Mom.

1733
01:30:48,322 --> 01:30:50,190
No, this is not goodbye.

1734
01:30:50,192 --> 01:30:53,462
This is, this is see ya later.

1735
01:30:55,197 --> 01:30:57,698
All right, see ya later, Mom.

1736
01:30:57,700 --> 01:30:59,600
All right, I have to go in

1737
01:30:59,602 --> 01:31:01,535
before the neighbors see me cry.

1738
01:31:01,537 --> 01:31:02,904
(MOM SIGHS)

1739
01:31:02,906 --> 01:31:05,607
So, tell me more about
this friend of yours.

1740
01:31:05,609 --> 01:31:07,644
Who, Madison?

1741
01:31:08,811 --> 01:31:10,077
Eh, is that the
name of the girl

1742
01:31:10,079 --> 01:31:13,016
who's uh, dancing to
music in your car?

1743
01:31:17,489 --> 01:31:19,589
Yeah, that's her.

1744
01:31:19,591 --> 01:31:20,758
She's amazing.

1745
01:31:22,260 --> 01:31:23,128
Yeah?

1746
01:31:23,895 --> 01:31:25,528
Yeah.

1747
01:31:25,530 --> 01:31:30,535
Well hey, if it doesn't
work out in Seattle,

1748
01:31:31,704 --> 01:31:33,269
or if you wanna
stick around here

1749
01:31:33,271 --> 01:31:36,908
and give it another
shot for any reason,

1750
01:31:36,910 --> 01:31:39,043
you're welcome to move back in.

1751
01:31:39,045 --> 01:31:40,845
Thanks, Dad.

1752
01:31:40,847 --> 01:31:45,583
Besides, your mom's driving
me crazy without you here.

1753
01:31:45,585 --> 01:31:46,650
Give your old man a hug.

1754
01:31:46,652 --> 01:31:47,785
I need to go check on your mom.

1755
01:31:47,787 --> 01:31:49,189
- Okay
- [DAD] Hm.

1756
01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:55,660
("ON F.I.R.E." BY
TONEZ THE PRINCE)

1757
01:31:55,662 --> 01:31:56,762
♪ On on on ♪

1758
01:31:56,764 --> 01:31:58,763
♪ We on fire ♪

1759
01:31:58,765 --> 01:32:00,666
♪ We on fire ♪

1760
01:32:00,668 --> 01:32:04,204
♪ Girl, we on on
on on on on on ♪

1761
01:32:04,206 --> 01:32:06,106
♪ We on fire ♪

1762
01:32:06,108 --> 01:32:07,741
♪ We on fire ♪

1763
01:32:07,743 --> 01:32:08,744
(MUSIC STOPS)

1764
01:32:14,851 --> 01:32:18,019
(MADISON CLEARS THROAT)

1765
01:32:18,021 --> 01:32:20,690
(MADISON SIGHS)

1766
01:32:26,463 --> 01:32:29,331
(MADISON LAUGHS)

1767
01:32:29,333 --> 01:32:30,166
[BARNABY] Hold on a second.

1768
01:32:31,602 --> 01:32:34,936
[MADISON] This is getting,
nice really, really Arnie?

1769
01:32:34,938 --> 01:32:36,373
(BARNABY SIGHS)
Wow.

1770
01:32:37,209 --> 01:32:38,040
Well, uh,

1771
01:32:38,042 --> 01:32:40,043
(PEACEFUL MUSIC)

1772
01:32:40,045 --> 01:32:42,047
I guess this is goodbye.

1773
01:32:43,180 --> 01:32:44,881
No goodbyes,
only see ya later.

1774
01:32:44,883 --> 01:32:46,415
(SIGHS)

1775
01:32:46,417 --> 01:32:47,652
That's funny.

1776
01:32:48,787 --> 01:32:50,687
That's what my mom just said.

1777
01:32:50,689 --> 01:32:52,723
Your mom sounds
like a smart woman.

1778
01:32:52,725 --> 01:32:53,559
Yeah.

1779
01:32:54,793 --> 01:32:59,030
Well, um, I'll call
you when I get there.

1780
01:32:59,899 --> 01:33:02,069
Let you know how everything is.

1781
01:33:02,802 --> 01:33:04,134
If that's okay with you.

1782
01:33:04,136 --> 01:33:05,972
Yeah, I'd-I'd like that.

1783
01:33:07,007 --> 01:33:08,008
All right.

1784
01:33:08,876 --> 01:33:09,709
Well,

1785
01:33:11,078 --> 01:33:12,947
I guess I should be going.

1786
01:33:18,887 --> 01:33:20,722
See ya later, Arnie.

1787
01:33:24,826 --> 01:33:25,758
Madison.

1788
01:33:25,760 --> 01:33:26,594
Yeah?

1789
01:33:31,767 --> 01:33:33,635
I'll see ya later.

1790
01:33:34,370 --> 01:33:35,204
Later.

1791
01:33:50,688 --> 01:33:53,190
(KEYS JANGLE)

1792
01:34:00,131 --> 01:34:02,067
(ENGINE STARTS)

1793
01:34:11,275 --> 01:34:12,109
(DOOR OPENS)

1794
01:34:26,460 --> 01:34:29,026
I noticed you
forgot a signature,

1795
01:34:29,028 --> 01:34:32,030
and don't worry, I let a
little air out of your ball

1796
01:34:32,032 --> 01:34:34,435
to make it more realistic.

1797
01:34:42,042 --> 01:34:43,043
(PAPERS MOVING)

1798
01:34:48,049 --> 01:34:50,483
Dear Future Employer,
what can I say

1799
01:34:50,485 --> 01:34:54,854
other than I love to cook,
and I mean I really love it.

1800
01:34:54,856 --> 01:34:58,524
Put me in the kitchen and I
light up like a Christmas tree.

1801
01:34:58,526 --> 01:35:01,095
Madison, you're such a dork.

1802
01:35:01,097 --> 01:35:04,765
And the food I put on the
plate, it's phenomenal.

1803
01:35:04,767 --> 01:35:06,801
I promise that if you
give me the opportunity

1804
01:35:06,803 --> 01:35:10,907
to show you what I can
do, I won't let you down.

1805
01:35:17,281 --> 01:35:20,051
(PEACEFUL MUSIC)

1806
01:35:29,661 --> 01:35:32,331
(PHONE JINGLES)

1807
01:35:54,288 --> 01:35:56,255
[MADISON] You did this for me?

1808
01:35:56,257 --> 01:35:57,223
What?

1809
01:35:58,392 --> 01:36:00,926
Oh no, it's for one
of your neighbors.

1810
01:36:00,928 --> 01:36:02,361
They should be comin'
out any moment.

1811
01:36:02,363 --> 01:36:03,962
Smart ass.

1812
01:36:03,964 --> 01:36:05,565
Wait, what about the job?

1813
01:36:05,567 --> 01:36:07,600
About that, I
thought about it,

1814
01:36:07,602 --> 01:36:10,770
and do I really
wanna live in a place

1815
01:36:10,772 --> 01:36:14,575
where the NFL team mascot
isn't even a real bird?

1816
01:36:14,577 --> 01:36:17,011
You passed up a job
because of a mascot.

1817
01:36:17,013 --> 01:36:20,047
Well, that and you.

1818
01:36:20,049 --> 01:36:22,516
("FALLIN HARD" BY FRENCHY MADE)

1819
01:36:22,518 --> 01:36:25,019
So, does that
mean you like me?

1820
01:36:25,021 --> 01:36:28,824
Well, I don't know if
I'd go as far to say like.

1821
01:36:28,826 --> 01:36:32,193
What's between like and loathe?

1822
01:36:32,195 --> 01:36:34,161
Would you shut up
and kiss me already?

1823
01:36:34,163 --> 01:36:37,834
♪ Champagne sippin' in the
parking lot, I'm waitin' ♪

1824
01:36:37,836 --> 01:36:42,037
♪ To leave for a night on
the town with my baby ♪

1825
01:36:42,039 --> 01:36:45,640
♪ Gold, diamonds,
he's drippin' ♪

1826
01:36:45,642 --> 01:36:48,778
♪ Those lips I'm, I'm kissin' ♪

1827
01:36:48,780 --> 01:36:50,046
♪ Slicked back hair ♪

1828
01:36:50,048 --> 01:36:51,280
Before we go any further,

1829
01:36:51,282 --> 01:36:53,649
I should probably put
those candles out.

1830
01:36:53,651 --> 01:36:55,085
Yeah, we should
definitely do that

1831
01:36:55,087 --> 01:36:57,253
before your car catches on fire.

1832
01:36:57,255 --> 01:36:58,755
What were you thinking
setting up candles

1833
01:36:58,757 --> 01:37:00,090
inside of your car anyway?

1834
01:37:00,092 --> 01:37:02,534
Oh, I don't know, I
thought it was romantic.

1835
01:37:02,536 --> 01:37:03,828
Subtitles by explosiveskull

1836
01:37:03,830 --> 01:37:07,464
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1837
01:37:07,466 --> 01:37:11,034
♪ That you love me,
that you love me now ♪

1838
01:37:11,036 --> 01:37:14,639
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1839
01:37:14,641 --> 01:37:19,078
♪ That you'll hold me,
that you'll hold me down ♪

1840
01:37:19,080 --> 01:37:23,348
♪ 'Cause I'm fallin'
hard for you ♪

1841
01:37:23,350 --> 01:37:26,186
♪ Ooooo ♪ ♪

1842
01:37:26,188 --> 01:37:30,656
♪ Yes, I'm fallin hard for you ♪

1843
01:37:30,658 --> 01:37:32,424
♪ Ooooo ♪

1844
01:37:32,426 --> 01:37:36,162
♪ Lovers, will die, but
we live for each other ♪

1845
01:37:36,164 --> 01:37:40,167
♪ Won't tell 'em lies,
when we love one another ♪

1846
01:37:40,169 --> 01:37:43,804
♪ My eyes closed, I'm shakin' ♪

1847
01:37:43,806 --> 01:37:48,276
♪ My walls down, I'm breakin'
'em down to the ground ♪

1848
01:37:48,278 --> 01:37:50,546
♪ Like a hurricane hit me ♪

1849
01:37:50,548 --> 01:37:54,749
♪ Storm raged 'round,
my heart's the city ♪

1850
01:37:54,751 --> 01:37:57,785
♪ I love the way you open
up my world and mind ♪

1851
01:37:57,787 --> 01:38:01,891
♪ Skies are painted
pink it's al redefined ♪

1852
01:38:01,893 --> 01:38:05,594
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1853
01:38:05,596 --> 01:38:09,132
♪ That you love me,
that you love me now ♪

1854
01:38:09,134 --> 01:38:12,835
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1855
01:38:12,837 --> 01:38:17,273
♪ That you'll hold me,
that you'll hold me down ♪

1856
01:38:17,275 --> 01:38:21,411
♪ 'Cause I'm fallin'
hard for you ♪

1857
01:38:21,413 --> 01:38:24,013
♪ Ooooo ♪

1858
01:38:24,015 --> 01:38:28,752
♪ Yes, I'm fallin'
hard for you ♪

1859
01:38:28,754 --> 01:38:31,089
♪ Ooooo ♪

1860
01:38:31,091 --> 01:38:34,759
♪ In a place where
time is ticking ♪

1861
01:38:34,761 --> 01:38:38,396
♪ Where were grow
old, will you settle ♪

1862
01:38:38,398 --> 01:38:42,033
♪ Will you love hard,
would you choose me ♪

1863
01:38:42,035 --> 01:38:45,537
♪ Through the darkness,
through our battles ♪

1864
01:38:45,539 --> 01:38:49,476
♪ And will you say
that, that you love me ♪

1865
01:38:49,478 --> 01:38:52,779
♪ In front of everybody ♪

1866
01:38:52,781 --> 01:38:56,783
♪ Would you tell them
that you're mine ♪

1867
01:38:56,785 --> 01:39:00,020
♪ We'll cross the finish line ♪

1868
01:39:00,022 --> 01:39:03,758
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1869
01:39:03,760 --> 01:39:07,361
♪ That you love me,
that you love now ♪

1870
01:39:07,363 --> 01:39:11,031
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1871
01:39:11,033 --> 01:39:15,437
♪ That you'll hold me,
that you'll hold me down ♪

1872
01:39:15,439 --> 01:39:19,642
♪ 'Cause I'm fallin'
hard for you ♪

1873
01:39:19,644 --> 01:39:22,243
♪ Ooooo ♪

1874
01:39:22,245 --> 01:39:26,949
♪ Yes, I'm fallin'
hard for you ♪

1875
01:39:26,951 --> 01:39:29,184
♪ Ooooo ♪

1876
01:39:29,186 --> 01:39:32,889
♪ Would you tell me, baby ♪

1877
01:39:32,891 --> 01:39:36,078
♪ That you love me,
that you love me now ♪