Thread 10: Stories 1-15

Thread 10 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/16662074
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>Shining
“Celestia”
_______

>No real need to say I’m surprised but, uh, what was so important that you needed to call me over here in per-

“How much?”

>Pardon?

“How. Much? Name your price.”

>Okay, vague? What is it you seem to think I’m selling…?

“Two.”

>Twoooo what? Two guards? Two crystals? Two pairs of my boxers?

“I… hmmm, save that last one for later. But right now, I want to know how much it’ll take to buy Two.”

>I’m still not following. Buy two of what?

“Not two things. Two, the Changeling. I neeeeed her happiness.”

Shining blinked.

>Ooooh, you mean ‘Two’ Two.

“Yes.”

>The Changeling.

“Yes.”

>My surrogate daughter who I officially adopted not too long ago.

“Yes…?”

>One of the rare bright spots in my life.

“…yes.”

>Who, without her persistently optimistic presence, I might have lost my mind and gone on a homicidal rampage a long time ago.

“I-”

>The Changeling I’d gladly sacrifice over a thousand ponies for and not even lose a wink of sleep so long as she stayed by my side.

“…”

>Auntie, my father gave me a shotgun a few weeks back. Did you know that? Funny story, really, let me tell you why. He gave it to me as a means to protect my ‘daughter’. Now, I’m not saying I’d shoot you if you gave me reason to believe you’d fillynap Two but what I *am* saying is that whoever did touch her with nefarious intentions would catch a few slugs in their ass.

“…”

>…

“Sooooo does that cut out rentals as well?”

>I’d say so, yes.

"SELFISH!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"And one final adjustment and... There!" Twilight wipes the sweat from her brow and gestures with one hoof towards the machine she's built. "the Crystal Empire is now the proud owner of its very own, and the not-quite-very-first Twelve pony capacity Sub-Space Alternate Reality Simulator!"

The amassed Crystal Guard and royal house of the Empire 'ooh'd' and 'ahh'd' in admiration.

"So, this really allows a pony to experience any type of simulation. Even the most outlandish scenarios? Like... More robots?" Shining Armor asked and was met with a laugh.

"Oh, Shiny! More robots aren't so outlandish, the designs the Flim Flam brothers based theirs off of was mine, which were made from cheap and easily fabricated materials for easy mass production! They then went and further simplified the material costs to the point where the Cutie Mark Crusaders could build their own robot army to crush us all!"

Several nervous laughs responded in kind ot Twilight's cheer.

"But, yes, you fight any enemy, run any scenario, or even adjust the operating laws of physics and magic within the sim. Though you'd need to give the systems a lot of time to either recalculate and adjust for the reality or have it handily ready yourself. It's all contained in the nine thousand page operating manual I gave you."

Shining Armor beams. "Lovely! Light reading from paperwork!"

Chrysalis then stepped up. "So... Wait, any enemy, huh?"

"Yep! Any enemy!"

"What about... Ally?"

"Uhh... Yeah."

"With... any programmable functions?"

"Yeeeesss.. But that might require some experience, you may want to stick with these premade scenari-"

Twilight is bowled over as Chrysalis makes a made dash for the machine.

"I'LL BE IN THE DANGER ROOM! NO CALLS!"

"It's a Sub-Space Alternate Reality Simulator!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Robot
"Various"
'???'

>VISUAL SENSORS REACTIVATED

Deep within a cavern inside of Canterlot's mountain two pairs of lights come alive, shining two shafts into the darkness.

>ENGAGING MEMORY PLAYBACK

The robot remembered marching deep inside the upper levels of the mountain in formation with its fellows, prepared to strike at the heart of the mudpony's regime. It remembered falling into a hole. It remembered-

"Zgrik nursh kalak!"

-the briefing on what was in the deeper parts of the mountain.

>ENGAGING WEAPONS COUNTER MEA-

"KRALUK!"

A pale hoof slammed into the side of its head, sending it flying, bouncing off a wall. A rather quick visual diagnostic made it realize resistance was futile as its body was lying quite a few yards away. A set of pale legs with visible blue veins walked towards it, another set stood next to a crude spear planted in the ground.

"Huruuk, kalak tir yugaz."

"Yugaz?"

There was a crunch and a brief feeling of pressure near the back of its cranium before it was lifted off the ground.

"Rrgh...grrergh...ptooey!"

It was sent on another bouncing ride, upended and angles towards the cavern's roof, it could make out the faces of its captors, their milky white eyes, their sharp fangs, their sloughing flesh. One was trying to scrape it's tongue across its teeth looking disgusted, the other was laughing.

"Dekri noh yugaz metak! Ahaha-oof!"

The laughing one was struck across the face by his peer, the two hissed and snapped at each other before looking back down at the robot.

"Tetriz nagulk?"

"Negh, tetriz eresci...Zhetri Tuulh."

There was a nod between them as the one that laughed gathered his spear and the biter picked up the robot by its 'ear'. They trotted off, the robot privvy to very little besides tunnel walls and the occasional skeleton.

However, soon they came into a much larger more expansive cavern. The robot could make out other of the vile creatures in the distance, clustered around crude tents, barking at one another in their primitive aping of Equestrian, the robot could see the population growing denser and more clustered as it was carried deeper into the camp.

Finally it was tossed down before...something, cruel fate had positioned its visual receptors towards the bottom.

"Zhetri Tuulh, zegrit aluk-"

There was the telltale sound of a bolt of magic being shot out.

"Aagh!"

'I've told you savages before in my presence you will speak in proper Equestrian.'

"Nrgh...my...apologies, chieftain."

'You would think my killing your previous chieftain would have taught you to take my commands as law. Now, what have you brought to me?'

"A head...made of rock!"

'No...no, not rock, metal. Some form of automaton, interesting...tell your hunters that there will be double rations tonight, I believe this is a sign of something...momentous.'

"Yes, Zhetri Tuulh."

There was another zap.

"Gargh!"

A pair of chitinous legs clamped around the robot's head, turning it around to meet multicelled eyes.

'The Queen as my witness, you Morlock scum will get my name right someday.'

Thirty-Two smiled down at the robot.

'Until then I think I'll have some more intelligent conversation.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
-18-
[Chrysalis]
{42}
~Celestia~
~~~~~~~

>....Holy shit, really?

"She offered to come here."

'Wow.'

-Yes yes, magical super-princess is nice and all but WHY AREN'T WE IN THE NICE ROOM!?-

>Because after literally everyone, LITERALLY EVERYONE, tried to sex me last time, I decided it's off limits, permanently.

[And it is still bullshit, want you to know.]

'I said I just got up in the moment.'

{I too was merely following my Queen's instructions.}

~HAH! Really, Shiny? Oh, you rascal, you! How many'd you get with?~

>None. Married.

~Oh, come on, you guys didn't make an exception for the magic room?~

>...you all just heard that scream, right?

~She does that. But enough about this! Let's roll us some bones, right? Do you guys still use that term, been a while.~

>...Is that your figure?

~Yeah, what's wrong with it?~

>It's so... retro. Like, first edition retro.

~...how... how many editions are there?~

"PFFTHAHAHAHAH!"

[Are you SERIOUS!?]

~...Are YOU serious with that character? Look at her stats!~

[What!? She's tanked out! She is pure, sexy tank!]

>She couldn't last ONE HIT from my staff of the LightSong.

[...Y-your...]

-How the hell did you get one of those!?-

~Had it for YEARS!~

{Those were banned back in 2.5 edition.}

~...Oh! Uh. Shit. Spike, could you look through my characters real quick?~

"...None of these are playable. You have, like, fifty maxed out characters from before SHINY was born."

~...~

>Here, use one of my characters, I made a girl elf for Cadence but she decided listening to graphic depictions of me getting rutted was enough.

~Awww, always looking out for me.~

"Alright, you find youselves on the edge of-"

[Succubus seduction powers, GO!]

>OH COME ON!

~Oh, if you insist.~

[..W-what!?]

~I jumped in the way. The blast hit me instead. See?~

[You can't just...]

~Oh, don't be like that! Come here, let momma Celestia take care of you.~

[H-hey, put those down.]

~So shy! And from a succubus of all things? Tsk Tsk. We're going to have to... loosen you up, aren't we? Oh! And looky here, I have a staff carved from the oak of the all-knowing tree of arnook, it's just perfect!~

[Wow, you uh, you can use that pretty well.]

~Yes, I know. Does your sheet say you like it like this? I know it does, I don't even have to look.~

-...This is weirdly uncomfortable.-

'For YOU maybe.'

"I need an adult."

[Uh, I think we've had enough, thank you. My character is... sated. Let's put it that way.]

~Finished already? That's a shame. Maybe next time I'll bring Shiny in so we can last a little longer.~

>...
"..."
-...-
[...]
{...}

'...WHELP!'

He jumped off his chair, holding his books and character sheets most auspiciously.

'Be in my bunk, and don't worry, nobody ever calls me.'

"...I have regrets."

>...I don't know whether to be happy or disappointed it wasn't me this time. Very conflicted.

Celestia just winked at him.

~Disappointed, my Knight.~
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>Messing up Chrissy's paaapers!

"NO! I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO!"

>Ahhhh, come on bugbutt! Let's go have some fun! Let's go get sloshed, go nuts and get KINKY!

"Damn it, if I don't get these finished before today, I'm not going to get all of my soldier's restocked with their rockets! Who knows what might happen?"

>Pffft, I'll just magic up a shield and wipe out anything that tries, I'm awesome! Come on, bend over the desk already!

"Will you just go read your stupid books!"

>THEY ARE NOT STUPID! They are brilliant masterpieces of literature with deep, rich worlds!

"Oh yeah, "mysterious stallion lands on an unknown planet filled with bimbos who want his dick and just so HAPPEN to be compatible, find out he is the chosen savior of awesome" number eight hundred is SO UNIQUE!"

>It was! That one was my favorite in the series.

"OH COME ON! Get your wang out of my face!"

>You know you want it!

"Will you just go already!"

>Fine, but I'm going to eat alllll your candy and ice creme!

"Oh, come on! I just imported those!"

>Too late! WHeeee!

"...Damn it, that stallion is going to drive me up a waaaaAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

~~~~~~

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!"

>Chrysalis! What's wrong!?

"O-oh, Shiny! I just had the most horrible, horrible dream!"

>What happened?

"I WAS WEARING GLAAAAASESSS! I look terrible in glasses! WHY WOULDN'T I SPRING FOR CONTAAAAHAHAAAAACTS! ABUUUUUHH!"

>Stop crying.

*Sniffle* "C-can you make me some waffles?"

>...Fine.

"Thaaanks, best Shiny....friggen glasses, just, what the hell?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“AJ56”
_______

“No.”

>Yes.

“NO.”

>Yes, sugarcube.

“NO!”

>Y’all can raise yer’ voice ‘til yer’ bayin’ at the moon, but it’s gonna happen one way or the other.

“You can’t make me! This is a direct violation of Equestrian law! I know my rights!”

>Land sakes y’all can be cute when ya wanna be, especially when ya don’t know what yer’ yammerin’ about.

“Call my bluff all you want, there’s no way in hell it’s happening. We can stand here all day and night. Try me. We Changelings have endurance to spare!”

>Well fine, guess that’s that. And yer’ sure there’s nothin’ Ah can do to changer yer’ mind?

“Nothing! I have the iron will!”

>Suit yerself, then. Ah’ll enjoy this by my lonesome.

And without another word, Applejack proceeded to slowly climb into the tub full of steaming water. She flinched rather convincingly as her hooves broke the surface and for added measure, carefully dipped her rump in and out until water matted the thin layer of fur back there.

“…”

>Mmmmmn, it’s soooo warm, works the muscles jus’ right but… Ah don’t think Ah can reach my rear. It’s grown so much over the past few months, there’s no way Ah’ll be able to reach every inch of this massive rump….

“…”

>Ah hate to ask this but… 56? Do y’all think ya could-

*SPLASH*

>Hahaha, that was a perfect swan dive… and calm down, sugarcube, yer’ in here now.

“HISSSSSSSS~!”

>Ah’m sorry? Are y’all hissin’ back there? Kinda hard to make it out with all the nuzzlin’.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Celestia
"Luna"
~~~~~

>How'd it go?

"She broke into tears about the glasses, and forgot about the dream minutes later."

>Damn.

"Sister, I worry that she is not quite getting the message you are trying to give her."

>It'll click eventually!

"That is not looking very likely, I'm afraid."

>Well, we'll just have to try again tomorrow!

"Sister, please, have mercy. If I have to dream walk into her mind and see Shining Armor hilted in her ONE MORE TIME I am likely going to need therapy. I already felt like I needed it the third time I saw her in between Shining and Cadence."

>...Ah. I was under the impression that you cold prevent yourself from seeing that.

"We cannot. We have seen far, FAR more of her than we ever had even the slightest desire to."

>...Sorry?

"You are lucky you accepted my apology after I tried to kill you and take over the kingdom. Otherwise? That just wouldn't cut it."
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
[Celestia]
~~~~

>BAZOOMBA..... WHAT THE FUCK!?

"Chrysalis. You have interrupted us."

[Unwise.]

"How is someone supposed to enjoy a moment like this if we get interrupted? Rude is what it is."

[And we do not like rude, isn't that right?]

"We do not."

>...

[What's the matter, jealous?]

"She should be, this is glorious."

[Glory on a level she will never understand.]

"I'd pity her, but I have no pity for the fools of of this world."

[But still, it would be a shame not to at least give her a taste, right?]

"I suppose we can be at least that merciful. Here, try it, just a bit!"

>...No thanks.

"She does not wish to share?"

[I told you, she just cannot comprehend the amazing.]

"Indeed."

>...I'm going to go now.

[You do that.]

"And as for us, a little interruption is hardly enough to slow us down, isn't it?"

[Cannot hope to stop.... THE MUSTACHE TWINS!]

"MANLY POWER!"

[BUSHY FACES!]

"YEEEEEAH!"

[YEEEEAH!]

["YEEEEEEEEEAH!"]
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>Rarity
"Applejack"
-Spike-
~~~~~

>...

"..."

>...This just feels unlikely, you know?

"Ah' know. What are the odds we'd both order the same lingerie?"

>It's just not realistic.

"We both have conflictin' styles, why would they look EXACTLY the same? Yer's is way too down ta' earth."

>And yours is far too sophisticated.

"It don't really fit either of us, really."

>Too much of a blend in the other direction.

"...It looks good on ya', though."

>I have to admit, yours does highlight you flank magnificently.

"Really brings out the pop in yer' eyes."

>...
"..."

>Change out of this?

"And burn it so that whatever witchcraft caused this can go ta' hell?"

>"Deal."

-Hey girls, I got tickets to HOLY SHIT! DAT... DAT EVERYTHING!-

>Sorry, darling, we've got to go burn these.

"It's fer' the good of the universe."

-Y-you sure? We couldn't I don't know? Store it away for a later time? A happy... happy time?-

"Fraid not."

>Sorry.

-...No! Wait! Come back! Don't leave yet, at least let me feel it, it looks so silky! COME BACK! COME BAAAACK!.... DAMN YOU, CELESTIA! I BLAME YOU! I BLAME YOOOOOOOOU!-
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ18
“Chrysalis”
_________

“Messin’ up Shiny’s papers~ Messin’ up his papers with my big ol’ booty~ Messin’ up his papers because no one can stop m-OW! Booty cut! Booty cut, damn it!”

>…remind me why I serve you again?

“Lemme just put this bandage on real quick annnnnd… there we go! Something for Shiny to kiss later, heehee.

>You think he’ll really kiss your ass?

“He kisses Two’s booboo’s all the time! It’d be just favoritism if he didn’t smooch on mine!”

>Well, see, a major difference in that? Two doesn’t rub her crack all over his documents, or try to seduce him around every corner, or try to take over an empire.

“Good reasons behind all of that!

>Right, right, just like there was due cause to hit me in the face? That really, really hurt, you know. In case you thought chitin was resistant to hooves or that I suddenly had 56’s endurance? I don’t. That hurt. For days.

“Eh, c’mon now! You should feel honored about that, honestly. I deemed as worthy enough to be a dent in my dents so I had to take you personally! A queen usually sends her coverts to do stuff like that!”

>Cohorts, Chrysalis. The word is cohorts.

“No, that’s consort. Don’t try and confuse me, I’ve been honing up on my vocabulary!”

>Boning, Chrysalis.

“I wish Shiny would….”

>…annnnyway, I just came by because I wanted you to look at this form right here.

“Which one? The one I cut my ass on?”

>Yeah, that one. Tell me, what’s it say?

“Uhmmm, it says-”

Exactly what it said Chrysalis never got the chance to say when 18 rammed her face onto the table with such force the queen rebounded off and thudded to the floor, more than likely unconscious if her twitches were any indicator.

>Says payback’s a bitch. And hey, look on the bright side, now you have two booboo’s for Shiny to kiss.

NON CANON
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>Celestia
"Applejack"
[???]
-???-
~~~~~~

"Tia? Got a question."

>And I have an annoying bug monster Queen who occasionally comes around and steals my stuff, and that one is all your fault. Your move, Applebutt.

"We have welfare, right?"

>...Actually, this one is a good question. Yes, we do, and places of lodging for those who need it, which is why we don't have any homeless ponies... that you see, at least.

"Oh, so that's why Scootaloo has a nice room"

>Who the hell is Scootaloo?

"Ah only ask cause... why don't the Changelings get it?"

>...Don't they? I make sure the check is sent every other month. It's going somewhere.

"But where..."

~~~~~~

[Is the cake to your liking, milady?]

-Verily! Tis' the most beautiful thing in all of Equestria! Here is your payment, with a healthy tip besides!-

[How do you keep your sister from knowing you are off your diet with such expenses?]

-Oh, we have our ways... mwahaha... mwahahaha..... AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! -

[...]

-...IGNORE THAT!-
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Cadence'
-18-
[2]
{42}
~Sombra~
~~~~~

>I said no and that's final.

"Oh, come on! This is so unfair!"

'How is "We're not pouring the entire bag of chocolate chips into the waffles" unfair? That sounds totally fair. That is a fair thing to do.'

"But why?!"

-You know why.-

[I was on tha' ceiling fer' an hour.]

{And by hour, she means day. Solid 25.3 hours.}

"So don't give any to her!"

>You also ran around the city, mugged a cab driver, attempted to flee but somehow missed that the driver was needed to PULL THE CART, and then just sat their making rolling noises until we dragged you home.

"...That was more the schnapps than the chocolate chips, Shiny."

>No.

~Shining Armor, correct me if I'm wrong, but are waffles not supposed to be square and segmented?~

'I'M SORRY!'

>...That these waffles are so special, she means. It's just so, so very special. So special the waffle iron just wasn't enough, which is why Caddy burned it to a crisp.

'...Right!'

[Oh, good, I was confused fer' a second there.]

~Ah.~

{You don't eat, why are you here?}

~I enjoy the entertainment.~

"Hey Shiiiny? You like that?"

-That's my leg, Chrysalis.-

"...I'm not stopping, I'm in the ZONE here."

-Then at least move it over.-

'EEP!'

-Much better.-

{...}

~Wouldn't trade it for the world.~
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>SA
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
-18-
[Chrysalis]
~Celestia~
~~~~~~~
"Alright, welcome back, everyone! Let's get this game going, you stand before-... Okay, no interruptions? Well, you stand before the dread City of Dis-"

[-ROLL TO SEDUCE SHINY!-]

>Celestia, dammit!

~Oh, don't worry! I use my advanced initiative to grab Poindexter and we take the blast for you!~

'...You are my new favorite Princess..'

[-FUUUUUUUU-!!!!-]

Suddenly, a meteor smashes the window and crashes onto the desk!

-An assassin?-

[Holy crap!]

>Every one, behind me!

'What's going on?!'

"Calm down, it's... It's a D20... A perfect twenty... With a note. It's for Celestia."

~Me dammit...~

Spike opens the note and reads it

"'I roll to cast disenchantment on my daughter and cast place a geass of chasity on Chrysalis and 18'. Huh, she forgot to make the second roll for that."

Another D20 flies through the window and lands a perfect twenty

"Huh, there it is."

[-'~FUUUUUUUUU-!!!!~'-]

>Spike, can you send a letter to Celestia's mom?

"I could try, what'cha wanna say?"

>'You are my new, favorite Princess.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>They arrived.

"The aide from the Empire? Good. Our buildings should be repaired in half the time."

>Shiny sent back the damage report ya' sent him too, said he made the final adjustments. Any particular reason he'd want it sealed till it got to ya?

"...I can think of a few."

She snatched the envelope away, and it was open faster than Applejack could follow. The taller princess's eyes darted around the paper for a brief second, before suddenly freezing.

A smile stretched across her lips, and she set the paper down.

>Guessin' it's what ya' wanted ta' see?

She just smiled a bit wider.

"More like, what I needed to see."

Applejack knew better than to question her when she was being all vague, so instead decided that now was a nice time to go check on the progress of the repairs.

Alone, Celestia just let out a pleased sigh, and glanced at the paper once more. Specifically, the big area circled over and over with a bright red marker, and the little words next to it.

-This is what's important. Thank you for being there to protect them.-

Within the circle, a single number made her heart lighter than it had been in weeks.

(Number of lives lost during the attack on Canterlot - 0)

"Damn it, he always knows how to make me cry."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~~

>...

"Go ahead, ask about it, I DARE you."

>...Kay. Why do you have a giant pile of ash in a vague pony shape in your room? Finally have enough and just burned someone alive? Been there, gotta say.

"It WAS a machine double built to resists temperatures of ANY degree."

>Ooooh... I see. What happened?

"Funny thing, TINY little malfunction happened, and all of the failsafes to keep it from burning itself from the inside just HAPPENED to all stop working at the same time."

>...So why were you yelling at your mom?

"..."

>..Noooo.

"Yes."

>HAH! Man, you rolled a one in the mom department! When Shiny was giving me the business, I'm pretty sure I heard my mom cheering me on from the other side.

"You did not-"

A dove suddenly fluttered into the room, accompanied by a glowing light from the heavens. Angelic in appearance and reeking of purity, the dove bowed before the royals.

And then exploded.

But instead of gore or other such disgusting things, instead a wave of sparkles rose up, and the pair would forever swear they formed words.

~No, she absolutely did. Very, very loudly.~

And just like that, the sparkles were gone.

>...

"..."

>HAH!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________