Chapter: My Life until now
I'll spare you a full biography. God how dull must your life be if you could only read about the lives of other people. Going into a book shop and seeing all the smug faces of celebrities makes me want to inhale smog from a Chinese factory.

"Look how successful I am."
"Read about me, I'm so interesting, unlike you."
"Don't you want to know my hilarious childhood anecdotes?"

It's rather boring. I thought I'd mention key points so you could get some context. What's the point in sharing my views, if you can't gather any context, then it's merely just information.

Before I could remember
Seeing as you can only remember from an age (what age, don't ask me) I can only describe second hand memories, which is the best that I can do. Not only that, but I have to remember what they've actually mentioned, seeing as I don't find it particularly interesting.It wouldn't fly in a courtroom as evidence, although it's mildly useful to gather a better understanding of my early life. Even in these memories, the conversation around me was actually more about themselves. My mum and dad to be precise. So you know it's just going to be quirky moments and nothing that would be useful, not that I can think of anything would that be useful anyway. Let's list off what they've told me.
    \item I was born during the whole debacle with the fuel crisis, and man... How crazy it must be to be born when something bad was happen. It's not like if I was born a hundred or even twenty years ago that would have been more likely. Maybe you should have taken more precaution to be there when I was born Dad. I can't sure if he was there or not, which sadly makes me think less of my dad.
    \item I stuffed a baby wipe into my sister's mouth when I was, can't remember how young. I probably stuffed it in there so she would shut up, which I could get away with now, I would.
    \item Putting my shit into a stuffed tiger's (Tigger from Winnie the Pooh) mouth. Glad that hasn't turned me into a scat fetishist.
    \item Killing my brother by pushing him down a flight of stairs. Should have mentioned that I used to have a brother before. They should have kept a better eye on me, and I wish I had another brother now, so I wish I hadn't done that. Funny to think that something so cruel can happen at such an early age.
Okay, okay, I made that last one up. Who knows, I could have done something like that and not remember, what you remember isn't always the truth. I don't even have a brother.