[GW2] - Rittsah's Journal: Tanka's Gift

>Magic Journal, Day 0
Energy: 10/10, Clarity:10/10, Mood: (Heightened) 10/10, Ability: 11/10

     After speaking with Tanka and receiving the 'Gift', I returned to Divinity's Reach via Raptor and Griffon instead of through the Asura Gates. Traversing seemed to take little time and I managed to have ample opportunity to practice with my newfound strength. The amount of suffering just within central Tyria is boggling, Bandits and Basilisks, Ettins and Centaurs, it's enough to keep someone busy for days picking up all of the fallen.

I successfully 'revived' my first patient. It was a Seraph Guard, he had been gored by a Centaur and was, for all intents and purposes, freshly dead.  I fought off the Wolves surrounding him and I channeled as much of my energy as I could into healing him. It wasn't immediate, his heart started before his body was healed which was agonizing, but momentarily he was healed in full and back on his feet. He thanked me for saving him from The Mists and all I could do was apologize for the pain I put him through. We parted ways.

Beyond that, this Gift also enhances my combat capabilities, allowing me to be able to hit harder and channel more Divine Flame into my attacks with a higher rate of critical successes. Blue and Red flame are both increased dramatically, by estimation 83% increase in efficiency and power.

When I got back to Divinity's Reach, the sun was beginning to crest and I had only 4 hours before I had to turn in an Essay I'd yet to write. Pushing my nose to the grindstone, I managed to complete it within two hours. Whether that's normal for me or enhanced by Tanka's Gift remains to be unseen. I'll keep note of it over the passing days.

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>Magic Journal, Day 1 - Morning
Energy: 10/10, Clarity: 10/10, Mood: (Regulated) 10/10, Ability: 10/10

     Noting this entry as 'Morning' is somewhat inaccurate as this covers the 2 hours of sleep I got before I had to rise and attend Job Retraining. As usual, I had my routine nightmares as even the Norn-sized Stein of Bloodtide Coast Spiced Rum I had before going to bed metabolized quicker than it could get me drunk. I suspect this is due to my own heightened metabolism getting a boon from the Gift, but it ensured that I was unmedicated going to sleep and thusly experienced the full force of my nightly terrors. I won't go into details, but I woke up with sleep paralysis as usual for sober sopor. Aside from this, I was well-rested and felt refreshed on only 2 hours of (uneasy) sleep.

After my morning routine, I attended the first of several lectures and found myself distracted by the noise of the other members of my Corps. I could hear very scratch of pen against paper and every huff of breath from the 30-something people around me. It took almost half the lecture to be able to focus solely on the instructor, but I managed. Meditation is key.


>Magic Journal, Day 1 - Evening
Energy: 10/10, Clarity: 9/10, Mood: 9/10, Ability: 11/10

     After exams and lectures, we were tasked with locally assisting various factions of Friendly-Allied peoples for Medic Training Credits with mandatory volunteer service for 3-6 hours. I opted to go to the Gendarran Fields and assist some of the Strongholds there. Escorting Traders, fighting Bandits, reviving fallen Seraph, it wall all par for the course.

I don't think it's related to the Gift but I keep finding myself in a heavy state of disassociation, a disconnect of form and function. When I'm fighting and I suddenly feel as though my hands are floating away or my face is numb, I find myself drawn back to Maguuma and the writhing thorns of tendrils tearing through camps. It doesn't last long, just long enough to disorient me. This may also be due to the inability to get Drunk at the moment, so I've been functioning cognitively unpacified. I'm going to attempt to get drunk tonight while my suit measures my vitals. I may also tell Doctor Quartzhart, vaguely, what's happening to me. Mute men tell no tales, I think he'd hold my secret well unless it became a threat to either myself or those around me. I will not implicate a third party or explain the specifics, not that I understand them fully as it is.


>Magic Journal, Day 1 - Night
Energy: 10/10, Clarity: 10/10, Mood: 9/10, Ability: 11/10

     Nothing of note happened after I returned to Divinity's Reach. I headed to my quarters to start chewing through more of the recommended reading materials for our Retraining. Despite my busy day, I don't feel tired at all. I'm going to skip getting drunk tonight and instead jut focus on getting ahead with these essays. Next Essay: The Do's and Don'ts of Treating Infected Burns.


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>Magic Journal, Day 2 - Morning
Energy: 9/10, Clarity: 8/10, Mood: 9/10, Ability: 11/10

     I wasn't able to sleep, despite Meditation. I told Quartz about my experiment, leaving out details. While he initially wanted to press for further information, he understood the nature of my confession and he's agreed to keep a medically inclined eye on me for the duration of the Gift. I told him that via some means I was imbued with a surplus of Magical Energy, nothing more, no names, no further descriptions. Doctor's promise.

Not sleeping comes with its own problems, some of those being focus and willpower. I was unable to focus during First Lecture, I was preoccupied with twisting the healing flames across my arms and figuring out how to change their direction, intensity, and eventually even their color- much to my satisfaction. Keeping in with my aesthetic, I managed to turn the blue flames violet for a moment! Not as intensely purple as I would have liked, but there's still time to experiment, I think.


>Magic Journal, Day 2 - Evening
Energy: 8/10, Clarity: 8/10, Mood: 8/10, Ability: 11/10

   The 'Energy' statistic is misleading because I still feel as invigorated as I did when I got the Gift to begin with, it's more of a mental fatigue I think as evident by the decline in all of the other stats. Lecture was impossible to sit through and I excused myself half-way through Etiquette In Bandaging. I have to make it up later, which is fine, I excelled at this lecture when I first heard it some years ago.

I used this extra time to get more field work done. The purple flames heal with a higher proficiency than the blue guardian flames did. I'm calling it 'Allguard' flame because I was never super creative in anything but metalworking. It's able to close wounds and heal bones in a few seconds, whereas my previous ability took a few minutes. I've been told the Allguard Flame is somewhat rejuvenating, too, though that might just be the rush of surviving mortal injury.

I'm finding myself getting stuck in Mental Loops again, though. Patterns of thought. I keep seeing my friends who perished in Maguuma, my Corps platoons who fell to the shifting sands of Elona, and I keep thinking that if I had had this power then that I might've been able to do something to help them. I think I keep disassociating again, I may need to try to buckle down on my meditation and my grounding techniques. I feel like this magic can be a double-edged sword if I let it be.

I need to work harder.

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>Magic Journal, Day 3 - Morning
Energy: 8/10, Clarity: 8/10, Mood: 8/10, Ability: 9/10

     The Gift is beginning to wane off now. I'm unable to make the flames violet anymore, though the residual amplifications to my abilities are still semi-present. We had to skip Lecture this morning as there was an emergency in Elona that we were all dragged to. More of the Scarab Plague is affecting the Humans there, so all Non-Humans were deployed to assist in one of the small farming villages that was overrun. My orange flame proved useful in killing off the eggs beneath the skin and the blue flame was successful in healing the wounds faster than they could blister or take. I'm thankful the Gift was still present while this emergency was pressing, I really didn't feel like manually removing scarab infestation...

As soon as we're finished up here treating the sick and wounded, we're returning to Divinity's Reach via Airship to Lion's Arch, a check-in with our Employment HQ for debriefing, and then taking the Asura Gates back to the Reach. I'm not looking forward to the Airship ride. I asked if I could take an Asura Gate from Elona to LA but I was denied. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle the ship ride, even thinking about being on that floating death trap makes my chest start to ache and my brain start boiling. I'll see if Quartz can knock me out or, at the very least, keep me pacified for the flight.


>Magic Journal, Day 3 - Final Entry
Energy: 6/10, Clarity: 5/10, Mood: 6/10, Ability: 5.5/10

     The Gift is gone. I was in the middle of experimenting with my newfound power, channeling it through a weapon I've never touched before and making the Blue flame work as both a weapon and a healing enchantment when it vanished and all I was left with were the orangey reds of my violence and the cooling blues of my healing. I feel... exhausted. As soon as it left me it was like being unplugged, like the source of the energy I was using was suddenly gone and I was left running on auxiliary.

I directly attribute my lowered mental state with the inability to self-medicate due to an increase in my metabolism, both genetically and through the Gift. I do not think, subjectively or objectively, that the drop in my mental processes is due to the magic or lack there of and is instead an underlying issue I've been dealing with since the Pact Ship was destroyed en route to Maguuma however many years back that is now.

In summary:
     The Gift gave me an enhanced ability to control and conjure Magic properties, both Healing and Weaponized. I was able to manipulate my flame into a Violet flame of Healing and Lethality for a short duration of time, and have used the knowledge I gained during my time with the Gift to develop more efficient means of Healing and Combat, things which I believe can function on some level even without the Gift.

I didn't have any unusual thoughts, but the negatives were an inability to sleep (moreso than usual), an increase to my already increased metabolism requiring more food and drink, the inability to get drunk or to utilize mind-altering substances to self-medicate. While these problems will likely lead to stacking problems if an alternative is not found, they don't pose an immediate threat. I would like to talk at length about alternative methods of medication, as the more Traditional Healthkeeper methods within Rata Sum are intended to completely nullify undesirable individuals and remove the majority of their agency while creating a severe co-dependence on the medication in question to keep the pacified pacified. Aside from that, the spikes in things like minimal anxieties and fluctuations of Magic are manageable with Meditation, something I was already proficient in prior to these experiments.

     --[Rittsah, Signing Off.]