Sapphire Bullets of Pure Football

You know what goes great with corndogs? The Denver Broncos.

Denver Broncos are the best footballing team ever. There is no one on earth who can do footballs as good as the Denver Broncos. Many others have tried and failed to be as football. You think you can football like these guys? Heh, get in line, cuck. You'd need to get up about 12 hours earlier and spend all morning and all afternoon being football to football like the kings of football, the Denver Broncos.

Seriously, faggot. If footballing was the olympics these guys would be like the John Elway of football olympics. The Denver Broncos are the alpha and the omega of all footballs, the footballs that came first and last and shall be evermore the football. They own footballs now and forever. Footballs.

t. Denver Broncos.







I think that Denver Broncos are going to be footballs for all time.  You know how many quarterbacks the Denver Broncos are going to have?  Well I'll tell you:  ALL OF THEM.  They are going to have so many footballs they are going to have to open new football rooms in space just to hold all the footballs and also they will have free parking for the quarterbacks.

If I were the Denver Broncos I would do nothing except rub chili sauce all over my butthole and think about how much football I am.  God bless American.







Peyton Manning had all the footballs once, but eventually he gave them away. They floated off into space and eventually collided and became the big bang, and that created John Elway who was the birth-giver of all footballs and also the Denver Broncos.

But first he had to pass the test to become football. Test was very simple: John elway must stand before God and American and testify to Congress that footballs were all his, and he did and then he also fought the manticore and that was pretty rad too. Then he got all the footballs which were his to begin with and put them in space for them to become the big bang and make all the footballs again for all time. God bless Peyton Manning and God bless American. Footballs.












The New England Patriots were Patriots of football before there was football, in the time long ago when footballs were not yet in space.  But then Tom Brady was made emperor of all the footballs and gave the footballs to John Elway who sent them into space to become football for all time.  And so it was that there was now football.

But not always were there footballs, for some there were no footballs.  Those without footballs did not have footballs and thus were not American.  But then American came forth and Abe Lincoln freed the slaves which was probably a mistake but he made up for it by becoming a football and punting himself to John Elway who caught him and sent him to space to relieve Tom Brady of all his footballs so Tom Brady could go home to his kids.

Then there were the Denver Broncos, and football was for all time.









The Denver Broncos cannot be joined, the Denver Broncos join you.  They take all the footballs and splice them together with genetics to make John Elway, and John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning.

When Payton Manning licks your earlobe you know it's time to receive football.  The football that you receive is not the eternal football, it is just regular football, but it is symbolic.

Take football and run.  Run, forest, run. To forest.  Run Forrest.  With Football.  Then give football to John Elway and say "Touchdown!" and you will become football.  Then, Denver Broncos.

Sincerely,
Football.









John Elway is the king of all that is and was the Denver Broncos. John Elway is the alpha and the omega, also known as scootie puff senior the Doom Bringer. He has so many footballs you won't know where to put them all.

Do you want to know how to spell John Elway's name in ancient Hebrew? No, you don't, because it would convert you instantly into football and you would explode into all football. Football for everyone? Yes, but not for you.

Football.











That is a nice cowe. Reminds me of the story of the flood from Genesis.

In the days of yore there was no football, and no Denver, and no Broncos. There was however John Elway, for John Elway is eternal. And God said unto John Elway, thou shalt build me an ark, only it won't be an ark so much as it will be football.

And John Elway did build football 40 cubits wide and 40 cubits deep with a circumference of 40 million cubits and a football. The football was pleasing to the God and the American, and he said unto Moses: You should be more like John Elway you raging faggot.

And Moses said unto the Lord: Fuck you I'm a Patriots fan.

And God did smite Moses for his faggotry and there was much rejoice and football was had for all. And John Elway did make more football and put football on the moon and put all the footballs in space which made the world for the third time that day.

Amen.












You know what I desire? John Elway.

John Elway is the king of all football and creator of the Denver Broncos. He was cast in bronze and forged from iron 12,000 years ago by the almighty god Dan Reeves, who came inside Rainbow Dash one fateful December night and created Hurricane Katrina which blew all around the world and killed all the black people but unfortunately they came back to life and asked for money.

However John Elway was also born that night, and he grew into a mighty demigod who then set forth on the road to become a full god as soon as he had lunch, and then he became football through the divine will of Jesus Christ and much to the awe of the American he went on to create football in his image.

Godspeed, John Elway, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Football.





Hi, I'm John Elway and it's really nice to meet a fan. Back when I was 11 years old I killed a bear with my fist and stole its power, and made that power into football.

The Lord Jesus Christ blessed me with a solid gold cock which gave me the power to rule Equestria, and I brought football to the land and all the ponies rejoiced, for they now had all the footballs just like me, John Elway. And so it shall be, forever.

Amen. Praise Football.





I agree, my people are fucking weird. You know what else is weird? The fact that there are still people on this earth who don't bow down and worship the almighty majesty of Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway.

John Elway was born in December over 1000 years ago, in a time before there was time, because football is time and this was a time without football. It was a dark time, obviously, since football is light and light is friendship and friendship is magic.

Then, Dan Reeves did befriend and seduce the Lady Dash, and came inside her, and she burst forth a football, who was the football for all time, John Elway. And John Elway did proclaim himself to be football and exploded into football and then there was football for all time.

Praise Jesus Christ and Praise Football (praise football). Praise American.






You're damn right this is a nice board. And do you want to know why? Two words: John Elway.

John Elway was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas day when the (((New York Times))) said God is dead, and the war's begun; Dan Reeves has a son today.

And he shall be John Elway, and he shall be a good man.





The main thing you should really know about John Elway is that John Elway is football. John Elway is all football, John Elway is the Denver Broncos and the Denver Broncos are the football for all eternity. If you were John Elway you know what you would do? Nothing, because you could never be John Elway you double nigger.

Long, long ago, in the days when the Universe was empty and there was no John Elway, the people were without direction and hope, for there was no football and no Denver Broncos. But then, lo, the angel Gabriel appeared, and said to them: be not afraid, for I bring unto you tidings of great football, which shall be for all people. For today in the city of Denver is born unto you a savior, he is John Elway. Praise Jesus and Praise American.

Amen,
Football.





You bet your ass football. Why, when John Elway was only four years old he married Princess Celestia and brought football to all the ponies of the realm and sent Princess Luna back to the moon with the Oakland Raiders.

You might think you know football, but until you've met John Elway you can never truly comprehend football. That's what's so tragic about it, you can never truly know John Elway for to stand in his presence is to be blinded by the presence of his magnetic hypnocock.

Praise American. Praise football.




Let me tell you why that's bullshit:

JOHN ELWAY.

You see, John Elway wasn't always football. There was a time when John Elway was only 29, maybe 33% football. However when the Lord Jesus Christ called him on the phone and said John Elway you need to be 100% football, do you know what he did? Do you think he just laid down and sucked his thumb and cried the way you probably would you pussy? No, fuck no. John Elway took the fucking call and answered.

John Elway was always the man to become football. John Elway was sired by Dan Reeves, born of Rainbow Dash, conceived in fire, Master of Football, Lord of the Denver Broncos now and Forever.

In the Name of Jesus Christ and God Bless American.






You want to know who my friends are? I have four of them. Their names are: John Elway, John Elway, John Elway and, last but not least, John Elway.

When the Four Elways converge and form like Voltron, they become the Denver Broncos. it is at this point that none of you puny faggots are safe. John Elway forms the Head of the Denver Broncos, and John Elway is the strong, muscular chest. John Elway and John Elway make up the arms, arms like tree trunks I tell you, and John Elway and John Elway are the legs, twelve stories tall if they were a foot. Last but not least is John Elway, and he is the mightiest of all: The giant cock of the Denver Broncos is he, and he stretches five miles around the entirety of the equator and back again like five or six times, give or take a few hundred thousand feet.

All the ponies knew that one day The Denver Broncos would come to liberate them. For years they had labored in bondage under the torment of the Oakland Raiders. For years they suffered the indignity of not being football. But then one day all that changed, when John Elway and the rest of the Denver Broncos, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, John Elway, and John Elway, came to Ponyville and became the Denver Broncos. Then, there was football.

Football, now and forever.

t. John Elway.





Hi, I'm John Elway and I have to say that is one terrific looking horse. I haven't seen a horse like that since I was the entirety of football. And you know when that was? Right now, yesterday, tomorrow, and every other day of the week. Because I am football. Now and forever.

A thousand years ago, back when I was only a small Elway, I was not entirely football. The Denver Broncos did not yet exist, and the universe was cloaked in perpetual twilight. My people wandered in the desert without football. But then the Lord came to me in a football and said John Elway, you really need to become football. And I became football and then traveled into the future and invented time travel so I could travel back in time and become Dan Reeves, then I made sweet beautiful love to Rainbow Dash and sired myself, for that is what the Lord commanded me to do for without John Elway there could be no football.

And that is the story of football, now and forever.

Amen.




Let me give you five motherfucking very good reasons why John Elway can bring the pain:

JOHN ELWAY, JOHN "FUCK YOU" ELWAY, JOHN "EAT FUCKING SHIT" ELWAY, JOHN "I AM THE STATE" ELWAY, and JOHN "I WILL RAM THIS MEME DOWN YOUR THROAT UNTIL YOU LOVE IT" ELWAY.

You see, John Elway wasn't always football. There was a time when John Elway was only 29, maybe 33% football. However when the Lord Jesus Christ called him on the phone and said John Elway you need to be 100% football, do you know what he did? Do you think he just laid down and sucked his thumb and cried the way you probably would you pussy? No, fuck no. John Elway took the fucking call and answered.

John Elway was always the man to become football. John Elway was sired by Dan Reeves, born of Rainbow Dash, conceived in fire, Master of Football, Lord of the Denver Broncos now and Forever.

In the Name of Jesus Christ and God Bless American.



You know what always keeps my threads up and running? The Denver Broncos.

The Denver Broncos were football before there was even football. They never even had the word football, or even the derivative words foot and ball, they just had a bunch of squeaks and grunts that sounded like black people trying to reason with police officers.

But then John Elway came, and it was magical. Magical friendship, you might say, you might even say that friendship was magic, because friendship was between man and football, and football was John Elway. And John Elway started the Denver Broncos because he knew that the world needed his footballs, and as such he decided to begin the footballs so that everyone could football alongside him.

And you can football too, my friend, if you believe. Believe in John Elway. Believe in friendship. Believe in football. Football is magic. Praise American.




I agree, commies are awful. But you know what isn't awful? The Denver Broncos.

The Denver Broncos are football now and forever. The Denver Broncos rose out of the darkness that was Oakland and cast the Raiders into the pit of eternal darkness, and sent their leader Princess Luna to the Dark Side of the Moon to listen to Pink Floyd until the end of all eternity.

For it was that Dan Reeves did cum inside the Lady Dash one fateful December night, and thus was born unto all of us in the city of Denver a Savior, tis John Elway the Lord, Praise Football (praise football).

And then John Elway burst into football and the world became football, and the glory of football was seen by all the ponies who fell to their knees and did render praise unto John Elway and Praise Football (praise football). And so it was that John Elway did marry Princess Celestia and sired a child, and that child was football, and the child burst into football and football was all the land and the land was at peace and was football (praise football).






I've always been a fan of the third photo from my 4chan folder. And do you know why? Because that is a photo of me, John Elway.

You see, back when my name wasn't John Elway, the earth was void and without form. And then God said to Abraham, "you are a huge faggot" and he punched him in the face and rainbows squirted out and that gave God the idea to create me, football. And so he came to me and said, John Elway, your name is now John Elway, and I want you to be football, now and forever.

And so, I said to God, it is so, and then I became football and exploded into football and that's the story of how football came to be.

In the name of football,
Amen. Praise American.
t. Basketball.