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- this is my story /b/...
- >be me, 19 yo college freshman
- >this was 10 years ago
- >i had this bro from highschool, pete
- >we were friends, but not exactly bros. he was a cool guy, and i think i was cool to him
- >turns out we applied to the same college and enrolled
- >going to the same classes
- >practically spending all of our time together
- >away from you family, with your high school life behind you, things can get hectic
- >yeah, you are horny teenagers with no real problems to deal with
- >but you still need a friend you can depend on
- >and we were that friend to each other
- fast forward a couple of months
- >second semester, we start taking this new class
- >and there is this girl in the class
- >not just us, but every fucking human being with a working dick in the entire campus is losing their shit over her
- >ordinary straight girls are ready to become lesbians just for her
- >i mean... man... wow... what an.. angel? a beam of light? deux ex machina descending from heaven? i have no fucking idea
- >a value over 10 is a measurement that applies to us, mere mortals
- >her beauty cannot be calculated or properly abstracted with numbers
- >and looking at her is like something you know you shouldnt do
- >not because its creepy or socially awkward or some other shit
- >its because you feel youre not worthy
- >not for her youre not. no. NOT HER.
- >but we were looking
- >turns out we first saw her practically at the same time
- >and we wanted to point her to one another
- >but we couldnt take our eyes off of her
- >so we sat in some lousy economy class or whatever and drooled over her for half an hour
- >before i whispered... "dude... fuck me..."
- >and it took pete a solid 5 minutes before he could simply say "yeah..."
- >there she was, this 5'9" lady with long wavy auburn hair and emerald green eyes to die for
- >and pretty sure, to kill for
- >sitting just a couple feet away from us
- >yeah... so.. "fuck me..." was the correct response in that situation
- pic is unrelated random chick.
- >after the class
- >to this day i cant for the life of me remember what the fuck it was about
- >we were already orbiting her like some lousy asteroids stuck to a massive black hole
- >creepily getting closer and closer to her as she sucked us in
- >bumping to each other and walking like we were drunk and out of our minds
- >i dont know what it was
- >maybe she realized that we were following her like pervs
- >or maybe it was something else
- >halfway to the cafeteria, she just stopped and turned towards us
- >we comedically bumped into each other and stopped as well
- >but her beauty was so miraculous we forgot to look somewhere else
- >i remember her gaze.. it was like the back of our heads blew open and brains splattered all over the hallway
- >those green eyes man...
- >and she smiled. SHE FUCKING SMILED
- >if we werent healthy, fit males in their prime we would have died of heart attack at that moment
- >we couldnt breathe she was so beautiful
- >so there we were, still staring at her, our eyes and mouths wide open
- >we were in our low, waaay low 2 digit IQs at that moment
- >and there she was, in all of her glory
- >like i said, 5'9", long wavy auburn hair, emerald green eyes
- >long curvy and athletic legs, you know, slimmer at the knees
- >well defined muscles on her calves and soft but rigid thighs
- >her ankles were so elegant
- >but her tendons were sprained... as if she were a wild gazelle ready to bolt out at a moments notice
- >her butt... i cant call it an ass. not hers.
- >ass is what girls have.
- >this lady had something else. she had buttocks that required a new definition of the word
- >they were so firm and so well shaped, you could perfectly calculate for pi if you took measurements
- >her breasts... i dont even have the words
- >to this day im still searching for the right words
- >and i will try and describe them later in the story... but i will fail terribly
- >i can still remember what she was wearing that day
- >i know what she was wearing probably better than her on the day she wore them
- >and i know this because pete knew this
- >after she looked at us and smiled
- >just for a few seconds which felt like an eternity
- >she turned around again and kept on walking
- >we just stayed put
- >we couldnt follow her
- >our black hole left us lonely asteroids to the pitch black emptiness of cold space
- >so after the school, we went to our dorm room with no information about her whatsoever
- >no name, no nothing
- >just a mental image of her elegant stance etched deep into our minds
- >i was looking at the pictures of random women with green eyes and auburn hair on yahoo
- >that was the only thing i could do. but none of the images even came close to matching her beauty
- >well.. pete felt like he had to do something
- >and he fucking started searching for her clothes. i shit you not
- >he was searching for her clothes on amazon and ebay and all these fashion and shopping sites neither of us knew nothing about
- >he started with searching for her skirt
- >which was this black wool-cashmere circle skirt with a playful flare at the bottom
- >couple inches above her knees... revealing her thighs just a little bit..
- >when he found it, he shouted "I FOUND IT FUCK YEAH"
- >and i thought he had found "her"
- >but when i saw what he found, which was this i dunno what brand skirt on amazon
- >i was far from being disappointed
- >i was feeling the same way
- >we didnt know her name, but fuck if we didnt know what skirt she was wearing
- >pete kept going with the search and i helped him
- >at the end of the night, we knew what flats she was wearing, what shirt
- >we even knew what brand her red, bow shaped hairclip was
- >i mean... look, we are straight guys
- >i figure im a 7/10, maybe 8, pete is an easy 8/10, pushing 9
- >we are both fit, we dont have ugly pimples on our faces or anything, we are both very decent
- >we are not short or chubby
- >and altho we were not the most popular kids in highschool, we are definitely not social castouts either
- >but that night
- >we were more gay than a male fashion design student wearing pink dungarees and coming out of the closet singing YMCA
- >and we knew what skirt she was wearing... so yeah...
- >and before we went to sleep
- >pete had an idea
- >that motherfucker had the most excellent idea
- >he knew he needed an extra something if he was ever gonna talk to her
- >let alone date her
- >so he decided he should start learning about fashion
- >and use his knowledge as a conversation starter
- >meanwhile, i was feeling like i could go to mars with a new apollo mission
- >or save the world from a new nazi regime all by myself
- >and still wouldnt be able to impress her
- >i was a hopeless faggot
- >next morning, the first thing pete did was to enroll in a class on fashion design
- >pete didnt know if his tactics were gonna work
- >pete didnt know if this magnificent creature would speak fashion with him
- >but he had hopes
- >meanwhile, we were both unable to speak to her
- >we were a bunch of beta fags, scared out of our minds
- >but we learned her name from a friend
- >ella
- >ella was her name...
- >pete didnt want to waste his chances in leaving a perfect first impression with ella
- >well, the first impression both of us have left was us standing in the middle of the hallway
- >staring at her like we were retarded perverts
- >but speaking to her was a different matter altogether
- >i figured, if pete had no chance of talking to her now
- >how could i?
- >besides, pete was so in da zone, i didnt want to compete
- >not that i could, or so i believed...
- >fast forward a couple of weeks
- >pete as a freshman knew more about fashion than seniors knew about economy in our department
- >he was spending his nights browsing fashion blogs
- >every night, he would come to our room, with a list of items she was wearing that day
- >studying her taste in fashion
- >pete told me that this could actually work
- >since while a lot of the girls on campus dressed like trailer trashes
- >ella was always amazing in her choice of clothes
- >our room was filled with editions of vogue and GQ and shit
- >couple of friends have seen our stash of fashion magazines
- >and joked about it
- >so we made a lousy explanation of how they were "quality fapping material"
- >and got away with it
- >one day, pete woke up and turned to me
- >"i'm ready" - he said
- >like neo saying "i know kung-fu"
- >i said "show her"
- >anyways
- >pete decided that whatever she's wearing that day
- >he felt like he could intelligently talk to her about her clothes
- >after the economy class
- >i wished him luck and we parted ways
- >an hour later he found me
- >i asked him
- >"how did it go?"
- >"i dunno man... i really dunno. i mean, i might as well done great or fucked it up completely"
- >"why?"
- >"look, we talked about fashion for an hour"
- >"so, you talked for an hour, thats great man!" - damn we were beta fags
- >"yeah, but what if she thinks that im gay?"
- >i started laughing. pete had a point. straight guys dont usually talk about fashion
- >certainly not about womens fashion
- >suddenly, ella comes out of nowhere
- >i froze
- >pete looked at me and understood that ella was coming our way
- >"hey pete!"
- >and i heard ella's voice for the first time
- >she had a crackly, deep voice
- >kinda reminds me of scarlett johansson now...
- >a lot of people dont think that kinda voice is flattering
- >but if you found me a soprano that sings agnus dei
- >i would have told you "shut that woman up and let ella sing"
- >"hey ella!" - said pete, his heart probably skipping a couple of beats
- >"i remembered now... i got it from anthropologie..."
- >i have absolutely no idea what shes talking about
- >"oh thanks!"
- >"dont mention it... its from last season tho, i dont think you could buy it for your sister. but they might have something similar..."
- >"oh.. well, thank you for telling me ella!"
- >"youre welcome, see you around pete!"
- >"see you ella!"
- >and we watched ella walking away from us gracefuly, until she disappeared in the distance
- >still looking at her general direction, as if we could still see her
- >"dude... your sister is 7..."
- >"yeah i know..."
- >"..."
- >"..."
- >"she is..."
- >"yeah i know... magnificent..."
- >a week later, pete had another idea
- >in order to not look like a gay couple
- >he suggested that we develop this "manly handshake"
- >and establish that we are in fact, bros
- >like a bunch of idiots, we stayed up all night
- >working out this complex yet subtle (or so we thought) secret handshake
- >our stupidity was at an immeasurable new height
- >pete was chatting up ella, little by little everyday
- >but he was afraid of becoming a gay bff and lose all chance of dating her
- >so he requested me to approach them tomorrow at some point mid conversation
- >and "apply" the handshake
- >ok then
- >after our economy class
- >i gave pete some time
- >then joined them in the cafeteria
- >as i approached them, pete saw me coming
- >excused himself like a true boss gentleman
- >and we started acting out this ridiculous handshake in unison
- >i mean it was absolute bullshit
- >hands and fingers everywhere clicking and fist bumping and doing other various stuff
- >it was like the douchebag version of cirque de soleil
- >halfway thru (yeah it was that long it almost needed an interlude) ella starts laughing her ass off
- >she was laughing like a crazy person
- >we freeze
- >the blood drains away from pete's face
- >pale as fuck
- >we realize that we just fucked up
- >we fucked up immensely
- >and we force ourselves to turn and face ella
- >she's trying to silence herself, still laughing
- >pete and i still holding hands like fucktards
- >she tries to apologize for laughing
- >but then she starts laughing even louder
- >we look around and hope that no other person has acknowledged how dumb we look
- >fortunately no one other than ella is laughing
- >but ella is still laughing
- >pete has this "this is how i die" face
- >im all goodbyeworld.jpeg
- >ella's laughter finally dies down
- >and we're looking at her like rabbits caught in headlights
- >"guys... i know you're not gay" - and she starts laughing again
- >pete looks like hes about to shit his pants
- >and i dunno what it was, maybe i started losing my nerve
- >or maybe it was like a chain reaction to ella's laughter
- >i start laughing my ass off as well
- >that "manly handshake" started playing out in my head over and over again
- >and i began to imagine myself doing the handshake
- >and realized how absolutely idiotic it must have looked like
- >pete starts laughing as well
- >all three of us are crying at this point
- >now people are looking at us like wtf
- >and that was how i met ella
- >we finally sit down
- >im still chuckling like an ape
- >i extend my hand towards ella
- >"hi, im anon"
- >she firmly grabs my hand
- >my god her hands are beautiful
- >long, slender fingers embrace my hairy man paws like the branches of a delicate flower
- >she has a very cold touch
- >almost freezing, but at the same time its such an awakening feeling
- >i can feel the hairs on my forearm rising
- >"hi anon, im ella" - she responds with a warm smile
- >and an incredibly sharp, piercing gaze
- >her spellbinding green eyes are filled with both an "i got you now" attitude and an older sisters love
- >i melt
- >"for how long have you guys practiced that stupid handshake?" - she asks
- >we start blushing like 5 yo kids
- >"all night..." - pete answers as silently as possible
- >ella claps her hands and pops a loud chuckle
- >"i knew it!" - waving her finger towards us - "you guys are insecure!"
- >pete grumbles
- >"oooohh.. its so cute!" - she puts on a funny face, pouting her spectacular pink lips
- >im losing my grasp on english language right about now
- >"well guys, i know youre not gay... but youre definetely homophobic!"
- >"well... were not..." - i try to defend myself futilely
- >"oh its ok, anon!" - she smiles - "i can understand that feeling"
- >pete must be losing his mind.. he just sits there, trying to find a way to regain his composure
- >"oh come on pete, i know you would feel uneasy, talking to me about fashion"
- >pete looks shocked
- >he doesnt understand how he could be sidelined so bad
- >"but..." - he tries to make a case (which i assume he has none)
- >"its really ok pete. i can sense that you have been working on "fashion" (makes a fingerquote) for some time"
- >ohfuck.gif
- >our jaws are sweeping the floor
- >"how..." - pete mumbles
- >"seriously, i know about your fashion class, and your room full of fashion magazines"
- >ella winks at pete
- >im about to lose my shit
- >pete looks like hes shot by a cupids 50cal machine gun
- >hes crushing hard, madly in love
- >"how did you know?" - i ask, since pete cannot come to the phone right now
- >"well... first of all, i have a friend in pete's fashion class"
- >"and also, some of your chums were talking about your stash and i overheard them"
- >pete silently mouths "fuck me..."
- >"but most of all, pete, i can see that you are new to the fashion world"
- >"where did i go wrong?" - pete must have been losing his hope at this point
- >"well, a fashionista... how can i put it... must look more fashionable, dont you think?"
- >ella was right. granted, pete didnt walk around wearing shitty flip flops and baggy sweat pants
- >but he wasnt actually a fashion icon either
- >pete looks like hes about to burst into tears
- >"besides, your fashion sense has no context. a person who is deeply involved in any subject always speaks in some form of context"
- >as ella talks about pete's failure, i feel both incredibly sad and incredibly turned on
- >maybe im not from a family or a place where there were a lot of smart women around
- >and maybe i was just a dumb homophobic or maybe even sexist fuck
- >who thinks all women learn about everything in life by furiously banging ken and barbie dolls into each other in their childhood
- >but ill be damned if this magnificent woman isnt smart
- >"hey its ok pete" - ella sees pete cringing like a puckered butt hole
- >"i know why you did it, you have nothing to be ashamed of"
- >pete lightens up like someone stuck a needle full of adrenaline into his chest
- >meanwhile, im lost in ella's eyes... studying her beautiful face as she talks
- >"so, im going to give you your chance! go ahead, ask"
- >"a-a-a-ask what?" - pete shits the bed
- >ella tilts her head and gives him a "really?" face
- >pete comes around again
- >gains his composure like a champ for the first time during the conversation
- >"well.. do you want to grab a cup of coffee with me after school?"
- >ella smiles at him and playfully nods with her eyes closed
- >"i would love that pete" - and she chuckles
- >and i sit there like a faggot thinking of asking "can i come too?"
- >ella is beyond words to me
- >i feel stupid and powerless near her
- >"thank you..." - pete barely makes any sense
- >i cant imagine being in his place right now
- >getting the greenlight from ella after believing that he fucked up so badly
- >ella laughs playfully and changes the subject
- >so we sat there and talked about our lives and how we knew each other for an hour
- >and i was able to get to know ella
- >even if it was for a little bit
- >but it was an amazing experience
- >couple of weeks later
- >pete and ella were a couple
- >ive never seen pete so happy
- >he was over the clouds, all the time
- >the guy was out of his mind
- >counting seconds for their next date everytime he kissed ella goodbye
- >and i was happy for my bro
- >but at the same time
- >i couldnt help but feel uneasy everytime i saw ella
- >ella was still the most amazing woman i have ever seen in my life
- >nothing came remotely close to matching her beauty
- >not to mention her wits
- >and speaking to her was more fun than i could ever have, doing anything
- >and i was trying extremely hard not to fall for her
- >i owed it to my bro and to myself
- >fortunately, ella came to my help
- >she introduced her fried nicole to me
- >nicole was the girl in pete's fashion class, the girl ella was talking about
- >nicole was an incredibly beautiful girl
- >she was this amazing redhead
- >5'6", big soft titties, nice curvy body
- >pale blue eyes, cute little freckles on her face
- >you would think that a beautiful girl like ella wouldnt be bffs with another beauty like nicole
- >9 out of 10 times, you would be right
- >but ella had no competition
- >she was beyond competition
- >ella could have been friends with the biggest bimbo there ever was
- >or she could have been hanging out with a fucking swedish bikini team
- >she could have been sleepwalking in her pjs on a victorias secret catwalk at a new years show for all i care
- >no matter the situation, ella was always the one you looked at first
- >but yeah... nicole was a bombshell too
- >and she was something else entirely...
- >4 of us started hanging out together
- >started going to the parties
- >hanging out after school
- >going to the movies
- >and slowly, nicole and i got very close
- >she had an amazing sense of humor
- >knew a lot about subcultures and shit
- >finally, after a night out together
- >pete and ella decided to go to ella's room by themselves
- >turns out ella's roommate was back at home for a family emergency or something like that
- >and nicole and i kissed
- >soon after, we officialy became a couple
- >after what felt like an eternity, i wasnt interested in ella that much
- >it felt good, not feeling like cheating on my bro
- >nicole was amazing in bed
- >in all things related to sex, she was a dream come true
- >the fantazies she was into were mind boggling
- >the things she wore to turn me on
- >stockings, garterbelts, schoolgirl outfits
- >surprising me with wake up bjs after a long night of sex
- >OHLAWD
- >some nights i would think, how the fuck am i supposed to regain my sexual appetite after this
- >a couple hours later, there she was again
- >wearing something ridiculously sexy
- >doing things you could lose your mind for
- >the places we fucked
- >and the positions we tried were pure pornographic shit
- >it felt like half of my daily diet was being used for producing semen
- >she wouldnt use condoms
- >NOSIR
- >"wheres the fun in that?" - she asked me the first time we were about to have sex
- >she sucked my dick like a vacuum and swallowed everything
- >smiling like a sassy high school girl
- >always wanting more and more
- >good thing i was fit and young
- >you cant do some of the things she asked for when youre 29
- >i would eat her out until i couldnt feel my tongue
- >the girl was a queen of multiple orgasms
- >there was no stopping until she said enough
- >her sexual needs were so immense, i had a hard time satisfying her...
- >i was scared shitless if there would come a time when im simply not enough
- >but...
- >she was loyal and honest as fuck
- >never even flirted with the other guys, let alone cheat on me
- >i was really skeptical at first
- >its a complete opposite of what you would expect
- >i somehow raised the issue with a delicate yet curious manner
- >i was treading lightly
- >didnt want to offend her
- >"youre mine anon, and im yours" - she told me
- >"nothing will change that until such a time comes that we both decide otherwise" - she would furiously declare
- >if there ever was a woman made out of wife material
- >nicole was the ultimate prototype
- >her understanding of a relationship was beyond belief
- >and her connection to me was unbreakable
- >she was so incorruptible
- >she would straight up hit the guys trying to chat her up in their faces
- >"you come near me again and i swear to god i will use my entire boyfriend like a retractable baton and fuck you in the ass with him"
- >thats an actual fucking quote i heard her shout at some poor kid
- >HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.
- >and there i was, standing like a beta fag who has just won the lottery
- >my diamond hard dick pulsating to her commanding voice
- >then she kisses me like there is no tomorrow
- >finds an empty room in a house full of partying people
- >hangs my sock on the door knob
- >and fucks my brains out
- >yeah... that was nicole in a nutshell
- >so i have never imagined there would be trouble at the paradise
- >but come summer time, something else happened
- >my dad asked one of his old friends in LA for an internship position on my behalf
- >his friend accepted me to his firm
- >and while everyone was having a great time
- >i was supposed to work at the accounting department of this design office in LA
- >this meant that i wasnt going to spend my summer satisfying nicole
- >or doing anything fun for that matter
- >before she went to the airport
- >nicole kissed me as if we werent going to see each other again, like ever
- >"you don't forget who you belong to mister..." - she told me with tearful eyes
- >"i wont nicole, i promise"
- >man... the love and care this girl had shown me was something else
- >even tho i told her numerous times that i loved her - and i meant it
- >i had this feeling that my love for her didnt even come close to what she felt towards me
- >"you take care of yourself, you hear?" - and she left, hesitantly walking backwards to her bus to the airport
- >pete had already gone home previous weekend
- >so i was all by myself, walking around in this college ghost town
- >on my way back to the dorm
- >wanting to pack my stuff asap and get ready for my flight to LA
- >there she was, walking towards me
- >ella...
- >"hey! sup anon?" - she greeted me with a warm smile
- >"hey ella... i just sent off nicole"
- >"awww.. you guuuyyss... she cried right?" - with a snappy laugh - "i know she cried!"
- >"haha, well you know her, right?"
- >"she loves you anon, thats why" - ella reached out and stroked my arm, showing the she cared
- >for the first time in quite a while, i suddenly felt a jolt, a rush
- >it was like the time when i first saw her upclose
- >as her cold hands brushed my skin, my pupils dilated
- >like the first sip of a morning coffee
- >a surge of a small dose of adrenaline hit my body
- >i quickly broke out of her spell
- >i had to
- >"so.. where are you off to ella?"
- >"oh.. im leaving tomorrow morning, off to see my parents in LA"
- >WUT
- >"ummm... we might be on the same flight.." - that was the most sexually neutral thing i could think of at that time
- >"you serious? what are you doing in LA?" - ella asked with a delighted curiosity, her big green eyes glimmering with excitement
- >"i have this job my dad arranged for me.. im not exactly going there for a vacation" - i pout
- >"awww.. dont worry anon, ill keep you company, it will be fine i promise" - cheerfully reassuring me
- >my heart skipped a beat
- >before i could say anything
- >"oh! look at the time, i gotta go now, but hey, see you in LA, if not earlier!" - she winked at me
- >she waved and started walking in the other direction
- >after mumbling some non-intelligible verbal expressions like "hey.. ye.. wut.. oh" i waved at her
- >and watched her disappear around the corner
- >and as i was trying to make sense of what just happened, nicole's teary eyed face kept coming into my mind
- >i felt like a complete asshole
- >what the fuck am i so excited about?
- >i mean... ella is my bro's gf
- >shes bffs with my gf
- >what the fuck am i thinking
- >why am i suddenly feeling awkward again?
- >i tried not to think about it and started walking away
- >next morning was even harder for me
- >we were on the same bus to the airport
- >and when it was time to check in to our flight
- >we were side by side
- >naturally, you cant ask to be seated elsewhere when the person youre trying to avoid is right next to you
- >i couldnt believe that i was thinking about being seated elsewhere too
- >ella was not only a friend
- >she was also the one person i had to think of almost as a sister
- >i kept texting nicole to make sure that i was ok
- >reminding myself of "who i belonged to"
- >i was scared, because it wasnt helping at all
- >acting like everything is alright
- >i boarded the plane with ella
- >after chatting for a bit with ella
- >she fell asleep
- >after some time, i did too
- >when i woke up
- >her head was on my shoulder
- >and my head was on hers
- >her fragrant hair was all over my face
- >she smelled of vanilla and berries
- >her gorgeous scent was so enchanting, i started getting the strangest boner of my life
- >i was unsure about what to do
- >do i slowly back off?
- >do i keep leaning against her head and savor the moment?
- >what the fuck am i thinking? why is this an issue?
- now i know there must be a lot of you out there, calling me a beta fag
- but if bros before hoes doesnt apply here, then where else?
- >the only thing i was able to do was to raise my head out of her hair
- >and sit upright as best as i could
- >i couldnt bring myself to pull away from her
- >then as if things couldnt get any worse
- >she mumbled in her sleep and put her hand on my chest
- >embracing me as if she was sleeping next to pete
- >her beautiful hand was lightly hanging on to my shirt
- >her cold fingertips gently grazing my bare chest
- >this is torture
- >pete's voice is ringing in my ears
- >"i love her man, i fucking love her" - the time he told me at a party, watching ella from the other side of the room
- >with an admiration and love i havent seen before on any mans face
- >then i remember nicole again
- >and the discernment and the loyalty she has displayed time and again in the face of temptation
- >i felt like shit
- >concentrated, wc clogging brick of a shit
- >an excruciating hour later she woke up
- >she blinked her eyes rapidly as she tried to sober up
- >and yawned and stretched
- >i was losing my mind to the sight of her delicate body
- >as every muscle on her body vibrated and contracted
- >i was trying to force myself to look away
- >not notice her
- >but i couldnt
- >she looked at me with her sleepy green eyes
- >"oh, sorry anon... i get very untidy in my sleep" - she chuckled
- >"no worries.." - i tried to match her chuckle nerveously
- >shortly after that, we landed
- >her parents came to welcome her
- >she introduced me to them
- >they were nice people, really warm and welcoming
- >her mom, after learning that i was gonna be alone in LA
- >invited me to their place
- >i kindly declined their invitation, telling that my father has already rented an appartement for me
- >"well, next week, you must at least come have dinner with us then!" - ella ordered
- >"ok then, deal" - i accepted her offer with a million questions and ideas racing in my mind
- >shortly after we parted ways, i called nicole and talked to her for an hour
- >trying to remind myself of who i am
- >and texted pete, telling him about how ella and i were on the same flight to LA
- >i hated myself for feeling that an explanation was necessary
- >"hey pete, dont worry buddy, my dick wasnt fully erect the whole time she was sleeping on my shoulder" - sorta thing
- >"it got hard only when she started stretching her muscles... its aaaiight.."
- >FUCK...
- >i settled at home
- >met people at work
- >its boring but its ok
- >im in LA, lots of things to do
- >lots of free time when im not working 9 to 5
- >and its only part time so i only work 3 days a week
- >a week later ella picks me up from work
- >and we go to her house like i promised
- >everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpeg
- >her parents are really cool
- >lots of drinking, talking, joking around
- >she has a younger brother, jake
- >he is 11
- >he is a nerd but he is handsome in the same way ella is beautfiul
- >fucking little man is on his way to become a motherfucking 10/10 alpha
- >i start talking to him
- >we hit it off really well
- >i start playing vidya with him in his room
- >ella joins in
- >im like WUT
- >turns out ella is a hardcore gamer
- >then the feeling returns once more
- >ella is sitting between me and jake
- >and im trying to hide my boner under a n64 controller
- >feeling like im cheating on nicole again
- >i start drooling as she kicks our asses in mario kart
- >"oh well..." - ella rubs jake's head
- >and she turns to me and winks
- >"i dunno what you guys were expecting"
- >i forget how to speak english as i see her smug face next to mine
- >her piercing green eyes
- >her sharp, pointy nose couple inches away from me
- >her cheeks, red like apples after the rush and excitement of the game
- >tiny drops of sweat rolling down on her delicate neck
- >my mouth is wide open
- >she starts laughing when she sees my dumb as fuck face
- >"i only play adventure games anyway, monkey island and such..." - i try to bail out
- >"oh is that right, mr. threepwood?" - ella teases me
- >OMFG im about to drop dead
- >her mom calls us for dessert and coffee
- >i stay for another hour, then her dad drives me back to my place
- >next week, she called me and asked if i wanna hang out
- >i was afraid of how fast i responded "yes!"
- >she showed me the sights
- >we went to her favorite places
- >eating ice cream, hanging out in cafes and shit
- >about a month and a half into my stay in LA, i met a couple of her old friends
- >i could easily see that some of her high school boys were still in love with her
- >losing their minds over how lucky they are to see her once again
- >some of them even eyeballed me before ella told them that i was just a friend
- >"just a friend" - she said
- >and for no reason at all, i felt as if my heart imploded
- >whats wrong with what she said?
- >yeah, ofc i was just a friend
- >it wasnt like i was friendzoned or anything
- >she had a bf, i had a gf
- >so i was just a friend
- >but i was heartbroken nonetheless
- >we decided to go to the beach next week
- >so next week, 5 of ella's friends and i were at the beach
- >9/10 - 10/10 girls with slutty thongs all around us
- >everyone is like who gives a shit
- >i was the only horny fuck checking out every piece of ass around us
- >ella was wearing these loose summer pants and an old XL white shirt
- >we find a nice spot
- >get settled
- >then ella starts taking off her pants and shirt
- >.......i force myself to look elsewhere its so painful
- >i shit you not
- >every fucking person within a 50 feet radius starts looking
- >10/10 girls with tight asses and big tits starts cringing
- >i can see how jealous they feel
- >men are hnnnggg
- >then i say fuck it
- >i will have to see her body eventually
- >no escape
- >and i look at her
- >just a pair of jet black bikinis
- >in them, the most unquestionably beautfiul woman there ever was
- >her wavy auburn hair streams to her broad but willowy shoulders
- >sharp sunlight is glimmering on her bright green eyes
- >her face is already tanned
- >reddish spots are formed over her soft cheeks
- >her petite pink lips
- >and her sharp, small diamond chin
- >both moisturized by tiny droplets of sweat
- >the elongated and tender tendons on her neck line flows
- >to the most beautiful and deep jugular notch
- >surrounded by her sharp clavicles
- >and then i see them...
- >i dont think ive ever seen such breasts before
- >not with my own eyes
- >not in pictures, not in real life
- >slightly bigger than plump greyfruits
- >and smooth and solid as if they were carved out of marble
- >they stand at attention
- >amused by the incompetence of frail gravity
- >her small nipples, mildly protruding out of her bikini top
- >like searchlights, pointing way up into the sky
- >my eyes hover over that sight for a few seconds
- >and admire her chest like they have seen the most beautiful work of art ever created
- >then i look down
- >see her belly
- >she has a set of lightly defined muscles surrounding her tummy
- >her waist is lean
- >and forms a very elegant and gentle hourglass shape
- >as they connect to her curvy yet tight hips
- >another piece of black cloth covers the magnificent V shape
- >the sight of a barely concealed bulge on the cloth stops my heart for a second
- >it is an unbelievable awareness, knowing whats behind that cloth
- >there is a small opening beneath her crotch
- >and i can see the sandy beach in the background from between her legs
- >as the lengthy muscles on her thighs expand and contract
- >and shiver and vibrate to the warm breeze of cali
- >her small knees play around
- >and her lower legs keep to the pace
- >as the tanned muscles around her tibias enjoy the sunlight
- >her feet dig shallow spots in the sand
- >tip of her toes curl and point
- >her heels ascend out of the sand and dance in the air
- >ella. words are empty...
- >my eyes were fixed on ella
- >ella looks at me
- >she leans in with a funny smile on her face
- >her youthful breasts come closer to my face than ever before
- >"you are staring anon!" - she says calmly while giggling
- >my face turns into a mexican tomato plantation
- >she walks by me towards the ocean
- >looks back with a smile warmer than midday sun
- >"you coming?" - and runs into the luke warm water while bouncing her perfect fanny
- >"i... im.. in a minute, yeah..."
- >i wasnt about to display the biggest tent of my life in front of everyone
- >she voices a snappy laugh and starts backstroking away from the beach
- >i sit there and start reciting the multiplication table
- >as if i was with nicole in bed, trying to delay the inevitable
- >moments later i join her
- >"um... sorry about before" - i apologize sheepishly
- >"haha! dont worry about it, you should have seen pete's face when he first saw me in my underwear"
- >mfw ellainsexyunderwear.jpg
- >and we're back to where we started. good thing my tent is now underwater
- >i try to speak but all im doing is keeping my mouth open without saying anything
- >ella is laughing hysterically
- >"are your serious anon?"
- >"s-s-serious how?"
- >"are you seriously thinking of me in my underwear right now?"
- >"it.. it comes and goes" - WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING
- >ella laughs and splashes water to my face
- >"come on underwear boy! swim!"
- >she starts swimming
- >i have nothing else to do but follow her
- >few moments later she stops swimming and turns to me
- >"hey.. did you call nicole? you guys talking, yes?"
- >BUZZ KILL!
- >"yeah.. why?"
- >"good. you keep doing that. than you can imagine me in my underwear all you want"
- >"..."
- >she chuckles like a prankster and starts swimming back
- >my mouth was like a keyboard with coffee spilled all over it
- >i followed her back to the beach
- >i spent the rest of the day thinking about nicole
- >thinking about pete
- >and thinking about ella
- >i really didnt have to think about ella, since she was suntanning her gorgeous body next to me
- >before everybody went home
- >ella asked me if i wanted to hang out with her next weekend
- >i accepted, naturally
- >after i went home, my dad called
- >told me to get ready for a trip
- >wut?
- >yeah... apparently, i was supposed to go to hong kong
- >turns out, my dad is more connected than i previously believed
- >i had just a week left to spend in LA
- >then it was time for hong kong
- >after i spoke to my dad, pete called
- >his voice was all fucked up
- >told me that ella broke up with her a week ago
- >0___________o
- >i switched to bro mode and started calling ella a bitch and whatnot
- >"dude.. stop.." - he said calmly
- >?
- >"she was right. this wasnt going anywhere..."
- >"how.. what?"
- >"look anon, i have nothing that i can offer to her" - pete started explaining
- >he told me how ella was smarter than him and how it wasnt about sex or being an alpha and all that shit
- >basically like everything else about her, ella was not exactly your usual sorority girl
- >she was in her own alpha-omega-fuckyou club
- >and pete had nothing more than 4 months worth of fashion class and a few dirty jokes to show for an admission
- >"anyways... thought you should know man. take care" - and he hung up
- >i was terrified when i realized my first thought was
- >"now what do i do with nicole?"
- >and my next,
- >"what the fuck am i supposed to do in hong kong???"
- >next week, i decided to ask ella about what happened before we went to the museum
- >we meet
- >kiss&hug
- >"sup anon!" - shes cheerful as usual
- >"sup ella... so... pete called me"
- >her head becomes apologetically heavy
- >"sorry for not telling you anon, didnt want you to think less of me before speaking to pete first"
- >"why?"
- >ella looks at me, feeling stuck between her friendship with me and my friendship with pete
- >"wasnt working anon.. things dont always work out. what did pete say about me?"
- >"only good things"
- >"what did you tell him?"
- >"me? i was just.. trying to be a bro i guess"
- >ella pouts
- >"sorry for putting you in that situation"
- >this is the first time ive seen ella unable to drive the conversation
- >she looks way too submissive
- >i feel bad
- >"hey look.. its ok, its not my place to say anything" - i try to comfort her
- >ella looks at me, almost waiting for my approval
- >then i say
- >"lets move on, shall we? besides, we have a date" - WUUUUT
- >ella blushes
- >i realize what ive just said and how it might be so easily misunderstood
- >"ok.." - she doesnt push it and saves me from my own demise
- >we get inside the natural history museum and start wandering around aimlessly
- >without talking
- >couldn't tell her that i was leaving for hong kong 2 days from now
- >both our minds are elsewhere
- >we get to the prehistorics section
- >see the dinosaur skeletons
- and no, they DONT WALK
- >then we get to the early humans or some other stuff i dunno
- >i dont remember why but we stopped in front of this neanderthal skull on display
- >we just look at it
- >kinda reminds me of something
- >"you know.. this looks somewhat familiar.." - i say without looking at ella
- >ella doesnt say anything at first, but then
- >"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
- >she loudly cracks an evil laughter in the middle of the fucking hall
- >she looks at me with a funny evil face
- >with a crackled, badly impersonated manly voice
- >"i am a powerful demonic force! i am the harbinger of your doom! let me hear you scream in terror!"
- >X______X im melting right now
- >i remember
- >she gives me a warm smile and starts laughing
- >i remember why that skull looks so familiar
- >SHES FUCKING DOING MURRAY FROM FUCKING MONKEY ISLAND 3
- >mylifeiscomplete.jpeg
- >everyone is looking at us like wtf is wrong with these people
- >i get so excited my hands start shaking
- >"oh.. i think i did it a bit too loud" - she whispers as she keeps chuckling
- >"you.. you played mi3?" - i ask her stammering
- >"oh i love it anon!" - she grins
- >"..."
- >"i figured you would remember murray, you being the adventure gamer and all"
- >i have nothing to say
- >at that moment, ella stopped being a crush i could hardly admit to
- >and turned into my lifes goal i have no idea what to do with
- >we started talking about monkey island
- >then full throttle
- >indiana jones and the fate of atlantis
- >all lucas arts games
- >old school adventures
- >we were cracking jokes
- >impersonating key characters
- >acting out funny moments
- >it got to the point of singing theme songs
- >thats when we realized we are sitting next to a prehistoric animal
- >in the middle of the museum
- >talking about weird games and such like nerds
- >security is giving us funny looks
- >we laughed about it and decided to leave
- >it was getting late, sun was about to set
- >"hey anon, come home with me. have dinner with us again!" - ella grabbed my arm and asked me cheerfully
- >"id love that!"
- >and we went to her house once more
- >her parents gladly welcomed me to their home
- >jake was in a summer camp or some such
- >during dinner, all we could talk about was games
- >and anime, comics, the whole nerd nine yards
- >her mom and dad were giving each other smirky looks
- >i didnt care
- >i was losing my mind
- >ella... the perfect girl...
- >ella invited me to her room
- >and that was the first time ive seen ella's room
- >anime posters on the walls
- >cute bed sheets with girly flowers and stuff
- >A WHOLE FUCKING BOOKCASE FULL OF VIDYA
- >her neatly folded clothes everywhere
- >a full repertoire of fashion pete studied to understand for a whole semester
- >a cute and girly elegance
- >and a hardcore and tomboyish geekdom
- >the best of both worlds, if there was ever such a thing
- >"...im at a loss for words" - i declare with my mouth wide open
- >ella chuckles and playfully punches my shoulder
- >"shut up.. what were you expecting? wall-to-wall posters of some boyband?"
- >"hahah.. no, i.. i love it.." - i look around with a huge grin on my face
- >"good. now im going to beat your ass in mario kart again. sit down"
- >as she forcibly seats me on the floor and in front of a small tv
- >huge amounts of cute hearts gush out of all of my bodily orifices
- >ella goes over to jake's room and brings the n64
- >and we start playing
- >this is heaven...
- >she kicks my ass in mario kart again
- >we switch to SF
- >she kicks my ass yet again
- >next we try split screen 007
- >and guess what.. she kicks my ass again
- >she fires up the PS and starts showing me MGS
- >ive never played MGS until then, yeah dont judge ok?
- >she starts telling me about the story, going crazy excited
- >shows me the controls and starts watching as i fumble around
- >laughs at my stupidity and ineptness every now and then
- >i play and play, lose myself, immerse myself in the excellence of MGS
- >then i pause the game
- >and realize that she has fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder
- >her sweet vanilla and berry scent filling my lungs once more
- >she looks peaceful and happy
- >i quit the game and put down the controller
- >i gently embrace her exquisite body
- >putting my arms behind her back and under her beautiful legs
- >the thin veneer of her skirt rolls back, revealing her thighs
- >i carefully carry her to bed
- >tuck her in
- >just look at her and appreciate her unbelievable beauty for a moment...
- >its 3 am, her parents must already be asleep
- >i dont have any way of returning home
- >i turn off the tv and the lights
- >grab a pack of neatly folded tshirts and use them as a makeshift pillow
- >and curl up on the floor
- >its hard to fall asleep, the floor is too uncomfy
- >i hear shuffling behind me
- >i figure she must be turning around in her sleep
- >then i feel her hand on my back
- >then over my shoulder
- >and she rests it on my chest, pulling a thin sheet of blanket over both of us
- >her small feet play around and curl up next to mine as she spoons me
- >i grab her cold hand and press it firmly against my chest
- >she mumbles and plants her face to the back of my neck
- >and i fall asleep, madly in love
- >next morning when i woke up, she was still sleeping
- >during the night, we ended up facing each other
- >when i opened my eyes, i found myself looking at her angelic face
- >her hair was all over me
- >her hand was still holding on to my shirt
- >like the time it was back on the plane
- >i could feel her breath on my lips
- >i wanted to stay there
- >more than anything, i wanted to lay next to her forever
- >and i wanted to kiss her so much
- >but all i could think of was nicole's face
- >i carefully reached for my phone in my pocket
- >nicole left me a text
- >"hey you! wanted to surprise you before you go to hong kong, im in LA! call me when you wake up! i love you :)"
- >OHSHIT.gif
- >i go pale
- >my mouth dries up
- >my heart starts beating to a fight or flight moment
- >i gently put ella's hand down
- >and back off without waking her up
- >i grab my things and exit the house without anyone noticing
- >i call nicole
- >she tells me to meet her on venice beach
- >grab a bite to eat on the way
- >coffee to wake up
- >the moment i see her i realize the mistake ive made
- >my hair is all messed up
- >im still wearing yesterdays clothes
- >i didnt even brush my teeth
- >and my entire body smells like ella's perfume
- >nevergofullretard.avi
- >its too late
- >she sees me and starts running towards me
- >and jumps to my arms
- >she digs her lips into my mouth
- >holds me tightly
- >starts kissing me furiously
- >then she slows down
- >and then completely stops
- >her hands and arms lose their grasp on me
- >slowly pulls away
- >she gently pushes me back to take a better look at me
- >she sees the guilt and fear on my face
- >her pupils dilate
- >she starts turning red
- >her eyes fill with fury and anger like nothing ive seen before
- >her right hand pulls back and flies into my face
- >it lands perfectly
- >my ears start ringing
- >my vision is blurred
- >she doesnt talk
- >i dont have anything to say for myself
- >i just stay there, with half of my face completely numb
- >unable to face her, unable to look her in the eyes
- >she slowly turns around and starts walking
- >looks back
- >"...you coming?" - she looks at me with tear filled mad eyes
- >i obey and start following her
- >we sit on a bench overlooking venice beach
- >we sit there for a few minutes before she finally asks
- >"did you sleep with her?" - she doesnt look at me
- >"no..."
- >"did you kiss her?"
- >"no..."
- >she stops for a moment
- >i realize whats coming.. and its too late
- >she turns to me with a face full of tears of anger
- >"you... youre in love with her????"
- >i cant say anything. i just sit there, my head as low as it can go
- >"for how FUCKING long, anon?" - her voice trembles
- >"..."
- >"how long?..." - she asks again, barely audible
- >"i dont know"
- >she hesitates for a moment and then starts talking again
- >"i should have known... for the past month, you were all ella could talk about anon"
- >i couldnt believe what i was hearing
- >i wake up to the shock of this revelation
- >"she talked to you about me?" - i ask her, with a skeptical and messed up face
- >"yeah.." - she opens her eyes wide, sarcastically
- >"..."
- >"can you believe that? you became her number one friend"
- >"her confidant"
- >"her bff" - she violently fingerquotes her snappish remark
- >i dont have anything to say to nicole
- >"...and i cant be angry at her for getting close to you, anon..."
- >she stopped
- >"but you..." - she gets close to my face and puts her index finger sharply to my chest
- >"you should have known better" - tapping my chest with her finger
- >"..."
- >"...answer me anon" - she whispers
- >"..."
- >"ANSWER ME!"
- >"WHAT??" - i turn to her
- >she jumped back with a surprise
- >this was the first time she has seen me scream at anyone, let alone her
- >"what do you want me to say nicole? that i love her? that i care for her? that no matter how i feel about you, i cant control how i also feel about her? that even when you and i were just friends and ella was with pete, i couldnt help but feel a strong desire for her?"
- >nicole didnt talk. she just stood there and watched me talk with a heartbroken face
- >"what do you want me to say nicole?"
- >"..."
- >"what do you want me to say? that the first thing i felt was relief when pete told me that she broke up with him?"
- >"ok..." - she whispered and stared into the distance
- ***
- >we continued to talk
- >getting angry at each other at times
- >but it was more upsetting than vexing
- >after an hour of furious argument
- >we were tired
- >even when pissed off, nicole didnt hold back her love for me
- >she got close to me and put her head on my shoulder
- >and we started watching the sunset
- >"you know what anon..." - she spoke kindly, like a whisper - "there isnt enough sex tricks in the world to keep you away from ella"
- >i froze. i felt like a sharp object has pierced thru my chest
- >"and there isnt enough small jokes, bouquet of flowers or boxes of chocolate that pete can come to her door with"
- >she sighed...
- >"so he can hold on to ella..."
- >i couldnt speak... couldnt breathe
- >"and its alright anon... no matter what we do, you guys were made for each other" - she spoke as she gave in to reality
- >"so you go ahead. i told you that you were mine until we both decided otherwise"
- >"..."
- >"and we both decided otherwise, you know that..."
- >i sat there... with nicole's head on my shoulder
- >staring blankly into the crowd of people on venice beach
- >knowing that theres no amount of rights i can make to fix the wrong i did her
- >the person who loved me so blindly, so vigorously
- >that even in the moment of her defeat, she still wanted what was best for me
- >"just do one last thing for me.." - she whispered
- >i turned my face to her
- >and kissed her with a passion like i never have
- >she held my face in her small hands
- >and broke our bond
- >"go" - she said, trying to hold back her tears
- >"go before i change my mind... go!" - she started to cry
- >holding her hand, i got up. i hesitantly started stepping away
- >our arms stretched and reached their length as our fingertips grazed each other and broke away
- >i started walking backwards...
- >looking at her
- >realizing what i have done
- >feeling like shit
- >nicole wasnt looking at me
- >her head dropped
- >the palms of her hands were trying to hide the tears
- >she was quietly sobbing
- >i gasped for air and forced myself away from her
- >trying not to think about it
- >running away like an asshole
- >i must have walked for 3 hours
- >not knowing what to do
- >it was getting late
- >i finally made my decision
- >i hailed a cab
- >and gave the driver ella's home address
- >i arrive at ella's house
- >i approach her door
- >not knowing what to expect
- >i ring the bell
- >the door opens
- >my heart stops when i see her
- >she lowers the cellphone from her ear
- >looks at me
- >"that was nicole..." - she shakes the phone in her hand
- >her beautiful green eyes are bloodshot
- >tears running down her face
- >she closes the door
- >"ella.." - i breathlessly shriek
- >i turn my back to her door
- >i start walking
- >and then collapse
- >i start crying like a bitch
- >this is just too much
- >first nicole
- >and now ella...
- >the door quietly clicks open again
- >the afternoon sun casts a shadow over me
- >the shadow eagerly waits
- >"what did she say to you..." - i can barely speak
- >"that you loved me more than her, you stupid fuck"
- >a cold hand grabs my collar
- >and pulls me with force
- >i stumble and walk to ella's door, following her stern pace
- >tears and snot on my face, ugly as fuck
- >as i pass thru the doorway
- >she turns around
- >violently slams the door with a flick of her hand
- >and pins me to the shut door with force
- >stuffs my face with her lips
- >my heart is beating like a jackhammer
- >she just stays frozen
- >her lips nailed to mine
- >her chilled hands hanging from my collar
- >her intense kiss gently becomes tender
- >and she stops kissing me
- >clumsily wipes my wet face with her hands
- >sporadically chuckling her heart out while crying tears of joy
- >"you look like shit.." - she laughs nerveously
- >i smile and laugh
- >"come on.. you need a shower"
- >she drags me to her bathroom and gives me fresh towels
- >i take a shower for an hour
- >trying to calm my nerves, trying to make sense to this calamity
- >i take way longer than usual
- >knowing that when i get out i will have to face her
- >and have a talk
- >i finally get out and wrap myself with her towels
- >go to her room
- >ella is in her pjs
- >her hair is wet
- >she must have had a shower too
- >shes sitting on her bed all curled up, holding on to her legs
- >she has a deeply concerned look on her face
- >i sit next to her and stare at the wall
- >expecting a million questions
- >she simply says
- >"go ahead, say it"
- >i dont understand.. i mean say what???
- >"say it" - she tells me again with a calm voice
- >"...i love you"
- >"good"
- >she puts her hands on my face
- >and her lips on mine
- >and gives me the warmest, most gentle kiss i could have imagined
- >we fall back to the bed
- >she embraces me
- >while her freezing hands caress my skin like ice
- >her hot soft lips brush against my face like a velvet cloth
- >i hold her tightly
- >she opens her arms and lays back
- >presents herself to me with an innocent smile on her face
- >i take my time and study her
- >i dont want to rush anything
- >"my parents are gone for the day... we're aaaaall alone" - she sings playfully
- >i have all the time in the world
- >i rub her tummy
- >and kiss the notch under her neck
- >she sighs
- >ella holds on to me tightly and locks me into herself with her legs
- >we stay like that for a long time
- >kissing and touching each other
- >enjoying the warmth of our bodies
- >she pulls her knees up, almost reaching my head
- >using her toes
- >she carefully grips the edge of the towel on my waist
- >starts to slide it down surgically
- >exposing me
- >ella looks down
- >then looks up
- >and flashes me a suggestive smirk
- >her legs are gingerly dancing on my upperbody
- >i can feel the muscles on her legs expanding and contracting as they move around
- >i slide my hand from her back to her bottom
- >i feel the magnificent curvature of her strained hips
- >and catch the waist of her pj bottoms with my fingers
- >i slowly pull them down along with her panties
- >i feel a gush of warmth in my hand
- >i touch her silky smooth bare bottoms
- >she bites her lips and dives in to my lips again
- >shes kissing me strenuously this time
- >hot air licks my face as she exhales from her small pointy nose
- >and then i closed my eyes
- >and pressed my entire body againts hers
- >we slowly curled up into each other
- >getting closer and closer
- >you would think there is a physical limit to how close you can get to someone
- >that limit is not really as apart as it may seem
- >there is a point where you fail to distinguish skin from skin
- >we hugged each other so tightly
- >grabbed onto each other like dear life
- >as if we somehow let go, we would fall to our deaths
- >we became one
- >i dont remember at which point we were actually "having sex"
- >with that amount of love and such a strong intimacy
- >you dont really understand whats going on
- >you dont pay attention to how youre "satisfying" yourself and your partner
- >its not about tips and tricks anymore
- >its not about knowing what limb to touch
- >or where to kiss, lick or do whatever
- >that level of unity transcends virtually every "health" magazine bullshit you can read about sex and intimacy
- >time loses meaning
- >that night, i dont remember for how many hours
- >we were inseperable
- >we didnt say a word the entire time
- >no screaming, no loud noises
- >just heavy breathing
- >lots of heavy breathing
- >the only thing that i cared
- >her hands werent cold anymore
- >her touch was warm to me, for the first time
- >and the only memory i cherished more than anything else
- >was the feeling that as if we have known each other for all our lives
- >that night, ella wasnt a couple months old friend whom i cheated on my girlfriend or betrayed my best buddy for
- >she was the one person dearest to me, above everyone else
- >she was my missing piece
- >after a long long time has past, i remember finally whispering
- >"i love you"
- >and falling into the deepest, most relaxed sleep i have ever had
- >it was almost dawn when i woke up
- >ella woke up with me
- >"i have to tell you something..." - i told her
- >she looked at me, scared and upset
- >"i have to go to hong kong for 2 months... today... i wont be able to spend the rest of summer with you..."
- >whatever she was expecting, hearing this news relieved her
- >she sighed and planted a passionate kiss on my cheek
- >"its ok... we will see each other in school" - she whispered to me softly
- >"after all, i have you now..."
- >i couldnt have been happier
- >hong kong seemed like a punishment after everything that has happened
- >but i knew ella would wait for me
- >ella sent me away
- >convinced me that if we spent even more time
- >or if she would come to LAX to see me off, the distance and time would be even harder to bear
- >i agreed
- >as i was dragging my feet to leave her, i kissed her so much, she had to physically push me away
- >giggling with a sleepy face
- >"go now! go or you will miss your flight!"
- >i went home, hastily packed my bags and left for the airport
- >all i could think of was her
- >the cab driver had to ask me "where to?" like 3 times
- ***
- >after i landed and got settled in hong kong
- >we started talking on skype
- >it was new back then and the connection was shitty
- >but it was better than nothing
- >eveyday we would talk, sometimes for hours
- >there was so much time difference, i was almost an entire day ahead of LA
- >but we made it work
- >our intimacy was not limited to sex
- >and our friendship was more than just ambiguous flirting
- >the things we shared, the moments we lived
- >even tho they were digital and thousands of miles apart
- >i was still in heaven
- >a month later
- >i came home from work one day
- >and there was no response to my calls
- >figured, she must be busy, or out, or something else came up
- >didnt think of much and went on with the rest of my day
- >next day, same thing
- >well, unless you are a seriously paranoid person, you dont think of worst case scenarios
- >until your buddy calls you
- >...
- >didnt remember how i responded to that
- >i still dont, i only know what pete, mom and dad told me
- >turns out, i dropped the phone and was unreachable for an hour
- >dont know what happened in that hour
- >then they say that i called my folks
- >by then, pete told them already
- >and they knew i wasnt goint to be able to make my way back on my own
- >as i was speaking to (or screaming to) mom, dad was already buying plane tickets
- >i didnt realize my mom was crying on the phone
- >knowing her son was in so much pain and she was unable to help me
- >i was screaming so much, my voice was all but gone
- >at some point, my dad picked up the phone
- >trying to calm me down
- >years later, i asked him once, just once, what happened that day
- >never seen a man that white as he told me what happened
- >how terrified he was over how i was feeling
- >i asked him because the only thing i could remember was pete telling me
- >"she's gone... she's gone..."
- ***
- >i talked to pete one more time before dad arrived
- >that i do remember
- >you go numb after so much pain
- >and start behaving like a robot...
- >he knew i wasnt gonna be at the ceremony with him
- >we talked about things no one wants to know
- >but you just have to know
- >like what happens to a car travelling at 60mph
- >when it gets rearended by another car
- >starts spinning
- >and stops when it wraps around a telephone pole
- >there was nothing anyone would want to look at
- >no open casket
- >just a box
- >while her family was burying ella
- >i was on a plane back to states
- >didnt have the power to go back to LA
- >and be there with her family
- >didnt want to go back to college
- >and be all by myself
- >i just wanted to go home
- >a year has passed since ella's death
- >mom and dad were trying to play it cool
- >pete was the only one keeping me sane
- >he too was affected by ella's passing
- >but he was stronger
- >he didnt love ella the way i did
- >nicole was keeping her distance
- >avoiding me as best she could
- >on the anniversary of her death, i decided to visit ella's grave
- >got on a plane to LA
- >i still remember the first time i walked thru those cemetery gates
- >its never easy to visit the dead
- >i found her
- >and stayed there for an hour
- >just crying, not knowing what to say
- >im not a religious person
- >and i dont believe in afterlife
- >i had this feeling inside me that no matter what i said
- >she wasnt there to see
- >or hear
- >after a while, a boy walked up to me
- >her brother
- >young jake too came to visit her sister
- >we hugged
- >"you should come and visit my folks, anon. they will be happy to see you"
- >i accepted his kind invitation
- >when we arrived at their home
- >the air was thick, filled with sorrow
- >her mother smiled when she saw me
- >held me in her arms as if i was her own blood
- >"oh am i happy to see you" - she cried
- >they were relieved they didnt have to be alone that day
- >ella's father was already half drunk
- >but he was joyful when we started talking about ella
- >jake was sitting between his mom and dad
- >they wouldnt let go of his hands the entire time
- >drawing power from knowing that they are not alone
- >and that jake is still here
- >after talking about ella
- >reminiscing what little time i was able to spend with her
- >her mom showed me into ella's room
- >the room was left untouched
- >nothing was changed since ive been there more than a year ago
- >even her neatly folded clothes were still on her chair
- >her vidya archive
- >her anime posters on the walls
- >her mom opened a drawer
- >and took out a cd case and a letter
- >and handed them to me
- >"i believe these are for you, anon"
- >she put them into my violently shaking hands
- >she kissed me on my forehead and left the room
- >i sat on the bed
- >the bed in which we had the chance to spend a single night together
- >a single night...
- >i looked at the cd case
- >and immediately burst into the tears i was holding back before
- >crying my eyes out, i started reading her letter
- >the letter she couldnt send to hong kong
- pic related, letter and the cd case
- >after i read the letter
- >i was in fetus position on her bed
- >crying
- >the love and the loss were too much
- >someone slowly sat next to me
- >and i felt a familiar hand on my face
- >i put my head on her lap
- >while nicole caressed my hair
- >and calmed me down
- >"im here..." - she whispered
- >and hugged me as she too quietly cried
- >next semester
- >nicole and i got closer
- >she stopped avoiding me
- >and we became friends again
- >she understood what i have been thru
- >and altho ive broken her heart
- >she knew i didnt mean to
- >she knew how much i loved ella
- >she knew the love ive felt for ella didnt mean i didnt value her
- >2 years later we started dating again
- >moved to chicago together
- >another 2 years after that, we got married
- >and i slowly forgot about ella
- >while organizing old stuff at our house
- >i came across ella's letter and the mi3 cd case
- >when i started feeling bad
- >she convinced me to write the story down
- >so i could get it off my chest
- >"i dont want to read it" - she said with a sad face
- >"it will be too much for me. but you have to write it down"
- >her love and care were heavenly
- >"you need this anon"
- >i accepted
- ***
- >last night after i finished writing my story
- >nicole convinced me to frame ella's letter
- >i looked at her, i was almost about to cry
- >she gently held my face in her hands
- >"its good to remember anon" - and she planted a tender kiss on my lips
- >"she was a good person. you loved her and she loved you"
- >i dont even know what to say
- >i framed the letter and put it on my nightstand
- >we got under the blankets on a cold winter night
- >we cuddled
- >she embraced me and placed her head on my chest
- >and softly whispered into my ear
- >"youre mine anon, and im yours..."
- >"and as i have said before..." - she was almost asleep
- >with an amorous smile on her face
- >"until such a time comes we both decide otherwise, nothing will change that"
- >and i fell asleep next to the woman i loved
- >embracing the woman that loves me
- and this is the end of my story...
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