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  1. this is my story /b/...
  3. >be me, 19 yo college freshman
  4. >this was 10 years ago
  5. >i had this bro from highschool, pete
  6. >we were friends, but not exactly bros. he was a cool guy, and i think i was cool to him
  7. >turns out we applied to the same college and enrolled
  8. >going to the same classes
  9. >practically spending all of our time together
  10. >away from you family, with your high school life behind you, things can get hectic
  11. >yeah, you are horny teenagers with no real problems to deal with
  12. >but you still need a friend you can depend on
  13. >and we were that friend to each other
  15. fast forward a couple of months
  17. >second semester, we start taking this new class
  18. >and there is this girl in the class
  19. >not just us, but every fucking human being with a working dick in the entire campus is losing their shit over her
  20. >ordinary straight girls are ready to become lesbians just for her
  21. >i mean... man... wow... what an.. angel? a beam of light? deux ex machina descending from heaven? i have no fucking idea
  22. >a value over 10 is a measurement that applies to us, mere mortals
  23. >her beauty cannot be calculated or properly abstracted with numbers
  24. >and looking at her is like something you know you shouldnt do
  25. >not because its creepy or socially awkward or some other shit
  26. >its because you feel youre not worthy
  27. >not for her youre not. no. NOT HER.
  28. >but we were looking
  29. >turns out we first saw her practically at the same time
  30. >and we wanted to point her to one another
  31. >but we couldnt take our eyes off of her
  32. >so we sat in some lousy economy class or whatever and drooled over her for half an hour
  33. >before i whispered... "dude... fuck me..."
  34. >and it took pete a solid 5 minutes before he could simply say "yeah..."
  35. >there she was, this 5'9" lady with long wavy auburn hair and emerald green eyes to die for
  36. >and pretty sure, to kill for
  37. >sitting just a couple feet away from us
  38. >yeah... so.. "fuck me..." was the correct response in that situation
  40. pic is unrelated random chick.
  41. >after the class
  42. >to this day i cant for the life of me remember what the fuck it was about
  43. >we were already orbiting her like some lousy asteroids stuck to a massive black hole
  44. >creepily getting closer and closer to her as she sucked us in
  45. >bumping to each other and walking like we were drunk and out of our minds
  46. >i dont know what it was
  47. >maybe she realized that we were following her like pervs
  48. >or maybe it was something else
  49. >halfway to the cafeteria, she just stopped and turned towards us
  50. >we comedically bumped into each other and stopped as well
  51. >but her beauty was so miraculous we forgot to look somewhere else
  52. >i remember her gaze.. it was like the back of our heads blew open and brains splattered all over the hallway
  53. >those green eyes man...
  54. >and she smiled. SHE FUCKING SMILED
  55. >if we werent healthy, fit males in their prime we would have died of heart attack at that moment
  56. >we couldnt breathe she was so beautiful
  57. >so there we were, still staring at her, our eyes and mouths wide open
  58. >we were in our low, waaay low 2 digit IQs at that moment
  59. >and there she was, in all of her glory
  60. >like i said, 5'9", long wavy auburn hair, emerald green eyes
  61. >long curvy and athletic legs, you know, slimmer at the knees
  62. >well defined muscles on her calves and soft but rigid thighs
  63. >her ankles were so elegant
  64. >but her tendons were sprained... as if she were a wild gazelle ready to bolt out at a moments notice
  65. >her butt... i cant call it an ass. not hers.
  66. >ass is what girls have.
  67. >this lady had something else. she had buttocks that required a new definition of the word
  68. >they were so firm and so well shaped, you could perfectly calculate for pi if you took measurements
  69. >her breasts... i dont even have the words
  70. >to this day im still searching for the right words
  71. >and i will try and describe them later in the story... but i will fail terribly
  73. >i can still remember what she was wearing that day
  74. >i know what she was wearing probably better than her on the day she wore them
  75. >and i know this because pete knew this
  76. >after she looked at us and smiled
  77. >just for a few seconds which felt like an eternity
  78. >she turned around again and kept on walking
  79. >we just stayed put
  80. >we couldnt follow her
  81. >our black hole left us lonely asteroids to the pitch black emptiness of cold space
  82. >so after the school, we went to our dorm room with no information about her whatsoever
  83. >no name, no nothing
  84. >just a mental image of her elegant stance etched deep into our minds
  85. >i was looking at the pictures of random women with green eyes and auburn hair on yahoo
  86. >that was the only thing i could do. but none of the images even came close to matching her beauty
  87. >well.. pete felt like he had to do something
  88. >and he fucking started searching for her clothes. i shit you not
  89. >he was searching for her clothes on amazon and ebay and all these fashion and shopping sites neither of us knew nothing about
  90. >he started with searching for her skirt
  91. >which was this black wool-cashmere circle skirt with a playful flare at the bottom
  92. >couple inches above her knees... revealing her thighs just a little bit..
  93. >when he found it, he shouted "I FOUND IT FUCK YEAH"
  95. >and i thought he had found "her"
  96. >but when i saw what he found, which was this i dunno what brand skirt on amazon
  97. >i was far from being disappointed
  98. >i was feeling the same way
  99. >we didnt know her name, but fuck if we didnt know what skirt she was wearing
  100. >pete kept going with the search and i helped him
  101. >at the end of the night, we knew what flats she was wearing, what shirt
  102. >we even knew what brand her red, bow shaped hairclip was
  103. >i mean... look, we are straight guys
  104. >i figure im a 7/10, maybe 8, pete is an easy 8/10, pushing 9
  105. >we are both fit, we dont have ugly pimples on our faces or anything, we are both very decent
  106. >we are not short or chubby
  107. >and altho we were not the most popular kids in highschool, we are definitely not social castouts either
  108. >but that night
  109. >we were more gay than a male fashion design student wearing pink dungarees and coming out of the closet singing YMCA
  110. >and we knew what skirt she was wearing... so yeah...
  111. >and before we went to sleep
  112. >pete had an idea
  113. >that motherfucker had the most excellent idea
  114. >he knew he needed an extra something if he was ever gonna talk to her
  115. >let alone date her
  116. >so he decided he should start learning about fashion
  117. >and use his knowledge as a conversation starter
  118. >meanwhile, i was feeling like i could go to mars with a new apollo mission
  119. >or save the world from a new nazi regime all by myself
  120. >and still wouldnt be able to impress her
  121. >i was a hopeless faggot
  123. >next morning, the first thing pete did was to enroll in a class on fashion design
  124. >pete didnt know if his tactics were gonna work
  125. >pete didnt know if this magnificent creature would speak fashion with him
  126. >but he had hopes
  127. >meanwhile, we were both unable to speak to her
  128. >we were a bunch of beta fags, scared out of our minds
  129. >but we learned her name from a friend
  130. >ella
  131. >ella was her name...
  132. >pete didnt want to waste his chances in leaving a perfect first impression with ella
  133. >well, the first impression both of us have left was us standing in the middle of the hallway
  134. >staring at her like we were retarded perverts
  135. >but speaking to her was a different matter altogether
  136. >i figured, if pete had no chance of talking to her now
  137. >how could i?
  138. >besides, pete was so in da zone, i didnt want to compete
  139. >not that i could, or so i believed...
  140. >fast forward a couple of weeks
  141. >pete as a freshman knew more about fashion than seniors knew about economy in our department
  142. >he was spending his nights browsing fashion blogs
  143. >every night, he would come to our room, with a list of items she was wearing that day
  144. >studying her taste in fashion
  145. >pete told me that this could actually work
  146. >since while a lot of the girls on campus dressed like trailer trashes
  147. >ella was always amazing in her choice of clothes
  148. >our room was filled with editions of vogue and GQ and shit
  149. >couple of friends have seen our stash of fashion magazines
  150. >and joked about it
  151. >so we made a lousy explanation of how they were "quality fapping material"
  152. >and got away with it
  153. >one day, pete woke up and turned to me
  154. >"i'm ready" - he said
  155. >like neo saying "i know kung-fu"
  156. >i said "show her"
  157. >anyways
  158. >pete decided that whatever she's wearing that day
  159. >he felt like he could intelligently talk to her about her clothes
  161. >after the economy class
  162. >i wished him luck and we parted ways
  163. >an hour later he found me
  164. >i asked him
  165. >"how did it go?"
  166. >"i dunno man... i really dunno. i mean, i might as well done great or fucked it up completely"
  167. >"why?"
  168. >"look, we talked about fashion for an hour"
  169. >"so, you talked for an hour, thats great man!" - damn we were beta fags
  170. >"yeah, but what if she thinks that im gay?"
  171. >i started laughing. pete had a point. straight guys dont usually talk about fashion
  172. >certainly not about womens fashion
  173. >suddenly, ella comes out of nowhere
  174. >i froze
  175. >pete looked at me and understood that ella was coming our way
  176. >"hey pete!"
  177. >and i heard ella's voice for the first time
  178. >she had a crackly, deep voice
  179. >kinda reminds me of scarlett johansson now...
  180. >a lot of people dont think that kinda voice is flattering
  181. >but if you found me a soprano that sings agnus dei
  182. >i would have told you "shut that woman up and let ella sing"
  183. >"hey ella!" - said pete, his heart probably skipping a couple of beats
  184. >"i remembered now... i got it from anthropologie..."
  185. >i have absolutely no idea what shes talking about
  186. >"oh thanks!"
  187. >"dont mention it... its from last season tho, i dont think you could buy it for your sister. but they might have something similar..."
  188. >"oh.. well, thank you for telling me ella!"
  189. >"youre welcome, see you around pete!"
  190. >"see you ella!"
  191. >and we watched ella walking away from us gracefuly, until she disappeared in the distance
  192. >still looking at her general direction, as if we could still see her
  193. >"dude... your sister is 7..."
  194. >"yeah i know..."
  195. >"..."
  196. >"..."
  197. >"she is..."
  198. >"yeah i know... magnificent..."
  200. >a week later, pete had another idea
  201. >in order to not look like a gay couple
  202. >he suggested that we develop this "manly handshake"
  203. >and establish that we are in fact, bros
  204. >like a bunch of idiots, we stayed up all night
  205. >working out this complex yet subtle (or so we thought) secret handshake
  206. >our stupidity was at an immeasurable new height
  207. >pete was chatting up ella, little by little everyday
  208. >but he was afraid of becoming a gay bff and lose all chance of dating her
  209. >so he requested me to approach them tomorrow at some point mid conversation
  210. >and "apply" the handshake
  211. >ok then
  212. >after our economy class
  213. >i gave pete some time
  214. >then joined them in the cafeteria
  215. >as i approached them, pete saw me coming
  216. >excused himself like a true boss gentleman
  217. >and we started acting out this ridiculous handshake in unison
  218. >i mean it was absolute bullshit
  219. >hands and fingers everywhere clicking and fist bumping and doing other various stuff
  220. >it was like the douchebag version of cirque de soleil
  221. >halfway thru (yeah it was that long it almost needed an interlude) ella starts laughing her ass off
  222. >she was laughing like a crazy person
  223. >we freeze
  224. >the blood drains away from pete's face
  225. >pale as fuck
  226. >we realize that we just fucked up
  227. >we fucked up immensely
  228. >and we force ourselves to turn and face ella
  229. >she's trying to silence herself, still laughing
  230. >pete and i still holding hands like fucktards
  231. >she tries to apologize for laughing
  232. >but then she starts laughing even louder
  233. >we look around and hope that no other person has acknowledged how dumb we look
  234. >fortunately no one other than ella is laughing
  235. >but ella is still laughing
  237. >pete has this "this is how i die" face
  238. >im all goodbyeworld.jpeg
  239. >ella's laughter finally dies down
  240. >and we're looking at her like rabbits caught in headlights
  241. >"guys... i know you're not gay" - and she starts laughing again
  242. >pete looks like hes about to shit his pants
  243. >and i dunno what it was, maybe i started losing my nerve
  244. >or maybe it was like a chain reaction to ella's laughter
  245. >i start laughing my ass off as well
  246. >that "manly handshake" started playing out in my head over and over again
  247. >and i began to imagine myself doing the handshake
  248. >and realized how absolutely idiotic it must have looked like
  249. >pete starts laughing as well
  250. >all three of us are crying at this point
  251. >now people are looking at us like wtf
  252. >and that was how i met ella
  253. >we finally sit down
  254. >im still chuckling like an ape
  255. >i extend my hand towards ella
  256. >"hi, im anon"
  257. >she firmly grabs my hand
  258. >my god her hands are beautiful
  259. >long, slender fingers embrace my hairy man paws like the branches of a delicate flower
  260. >she has a very cold touch
  261. >almost freezing, but at the same time its such an awakening feeling
  262. >i can feel the hairs on my forearm rising
  263. >"hi anon, im ella" - she responds with a warm smile
  264. >and an incredibly sharp, piercing gaze
  265. >her spellbinding green eyes are filled with both an "i got you now" attitude and an older sisters love
  266. >i melt
  267. >"for how long have you guys practiced that stupid handshake?" - she asks
  268. >we start blushing like 5 yo kids
  270. >"all night..." - pete answers as silently as possible
  271. >ella claps her hands and pops a loud chuckle
  272. >"i knew it!" - waving her finger towards us - "you guys are insecure!"
  273. >pete grumbles
  274. >"oooohh.. its so cute!" - she puts on a funny face, pouting her spectacular pink lips
  275. >im losing my grasp on english language right about now
  276. >"well guys, i know youre not gay... but youre definetely homophobic!"
  277. >"well... were not..." - i try to defend myself futilely
  278. >"oh its ok, anon!" - she smiles - "i can understand that feeling"
  279. >pete must be losing his mind.. he just sits there, trying to find a way to regain his composure
  280. >"oh come on pete, i know you would feel uneasy, talking to me about fashion"
  281. >pete looks shocked
  282. >he doesnt understand how he could be sidelined so bad
  283. >"but..." - he tries to make a case (which i assume he has none)
  284. >"its really ok pete. i can sense that you have been working on "fashion" (makes a fingerquote) for some time"
  285. >ohfuck.gif
  286. >our jaws are sweeping the floor
  287. >"how..." - pete mumbles
  288. >"seriously, i know about your fashion class, and your room full of fashion magazines"
  289. >ella winks at pete
  290. >im about to lose my shit
  291. >pete looks like hes shot by a cupids 50cal machine gun
  292. >hes crushing hard, madly in love
  293. >"how did you know?" - i ask, since pete cannot come to the phone right now
  294. >"well... first of all, i have a friend in pete's fashion class"
  295. >"and also, some of your chums were talking about your stash and i overheard them"
  296. >pete silently mouths "fuck me..."
  297. >"but most of all, pete, i can see that you are new to the fashion world"
  298. >"where did i go wrong?" - pete must have been losing his hope at this point
  299. >"well, a fashionista... how can i put it... must look more fashionable, dont you think?"
  300. >ella was right. granted, pete didnt walk around wearing shitty flip flops and baggy sweat pants
  301. >but he wasnt actually a fashion icon either
  302. >pete looks like hes about to burst into tears
  304. >"besides, your fashion sense has no context. a person who is deeply involved in any subject always speaks in some form of context"
  305. >as ella talks about pete's failure, i feel both incredibly sad and incredibly turned on
  306. >maybe im not from a family or a place where there were a lot of smart women around
  307. >and maybe i was just a dumb homophobic or maybe even sexist fuck
  308. >who thinks all women learn about everything in life by furiously banging ken and barbie dolls into each other in their childhood
  309. >but ill be damned if this magnificent woman isnt smart
  310. >"hey its ok pete" - ella sees pete cringing like a puckered butt hole
  311. >"i know why you did it, you have nothing to be ashamed of"
  312. >pete lightens up like someone stuck a needle full of adrenaline into his chest
  313. >meanwhile, im lost in ella's eyes... studying her beautiful face as she talks
  314. >"so, im going to give you your chance! go ahead, ask"
  315. >"a-a-a-ask what?" - pete shits the bed
  316. >ella tilts her head and gives him a "really?" face
  317. >pete comes around again
  318. >gains his composure like a champ for the first time during the conversation
  319. >"well.. do you want to grab a cup of coffee with me after school?"
  320. >ella smiles at him and playfully nods with her eyes closed
  321. >"i would love that pete" - and she chuckles
  322. >and i sit there like a faggot thinking of asking "can i come too?"
  323. >ella is beyond words to me
  324. >i feel stupid and powerless near her
  325. >"thank you..." - pete barely makes any sense
  326. >i cant imagine being in his place right now
  327. >getting the greenlight from ella after believing that he fucked up so badly
  328. >ella laughs playfully and changes the subject
  329. >so we sat there and talked about our lives and how we knew each other for an hour
  330. >and i was able to get to know ella
  331. >even if it was for a little bit
  332. >but it was an amazing experience
  334. >couple of weeks later
  335. >pete and ella were a couple
  336. >ive never seen pete so happy
  337. >he was over the clouds, all the time
  338. >the guy was out of his mind
  339. >counting seconds for their next date everytime he kissed ella goodbye
  340. >and i was happy for my bro
  341. >but at the same time
  342. >i couldnt help but feel uneasy everytime i saw ella
  343. >ella was still the most amazing woman i have ever seen in my life
  344. >nothing came remotely close to matching her beauty
  345. >not to mention her wits
  346. >and speaking to her was more fun than i could ever have, doing anything
  347. >and i was trying extremely hard not to fall for her
  348. >i owed it to my bro and to myself
  349. >fortunately, ella came to my help
  350. >she introduced her fried nicole to me
  351. >nicole was the girl in pete's fashion class, the girl ella was talking about
  352. >nicole was an incredibly beautiful girl
  353. >she was this amazing redhead
  354. >5'6", big soft titties, nice curvy body
  355. >pale blue eyes, cute little freckles on her face
  356. >you would think that a beautiful girl like ella wouldnt be bffs with another beauty like nicole
  357. >9 out of 10 times, you would be right
  358. >but ella had no competition
  359. >she was beyond competition
  360. >ella could have been friends with the biggest bimbo there ever was
  361. >or she could have been hanging out with a fucking swedish bikini team
  362. >she could have been sleepwalking in her pjs on a victorias secret catwalk at a new years show for all i care
  363. >no matter the situation, ella was always the one you looked at first
  364. >but yeah... nicole was a bombshell too
  365. >and she was something else entirely...
  367. >4 of us started hanging out together
  368. >started going to the parties
  369. >hanging out after school
  370. >going to the movies
  371. >and slowly, nicole and i got very close
  372. >she had an amazing sense of humor
  373. >knew a lot about subcultures and shit
  374. >finally, after a night out together
  375. >pete and ella decided to go to ella's room by themselves
  376. >turns out ella's roommate was back at home for a family emergency or something like that
  377. >and nicole and i kissed
  378. >soon after, we officialy became a couple
  379. >after what felt like an eternity, i wasnt interested in ella that much
  380. >it felt good, not feeling like cheating on my bro
  381. >nicole was amazing in bed
  382. >in all things related to sex, she was a dream come true
  383. >the fantazies she was into were mind boggling
  384. >the things she wore to turn me on
  385. >stockings, garterbelts, schoolgirl outfits
  386. >surprising me with wake up bjs after a long night of sex
  387. >OHLAWD
  388. >some nights i would think, how the fuck am i supposed to regain my sexual appetite after this
  389. >a couple hours later, there she was again
  390. >wearing something ridiculously sexy
  391. >doing things you could lose your mind for
  392. >the places we fucked
  393. >and the positions we tried were pure pornographic shit
  394. >it felt like half of my daily diet was being used for producing semen
  395. >she wouldnt use condoms
  396. >NOSIR
  397. >"wheres the fun in that?" - she asked me the first time we were about to have sex
  398. >she sucked my dick like a vacuum and swallowed everything
  399. >smiling like a sassy high school girl
  400. >always wanting more and more
  402. >good thing i was fit and young
  403. >you cant do some of the things she asked for when youre 29
  404. >i would eat her out until i couldnt feel my tongue
  405. >the girl was a queen of multiple orgasms
  406. >there was no stopping until she said enough
  407. >her sexual needs were so immense, i had a hard time satisfying her...
  408. >i was scared shitless if there would come a time when im simply not enough
  409. >but...
  410. >she was loyal and honest as fuck
  411. >never even flirted with the other guys, let alone cheat on me
  412. >i was really skeptical at first
  413. >its a complete opposite of what you would expect
  414. >i somehow raised the issue with a delicate yet curious manner
  415. >i was treading lightly
  416. >didnt want to offend her
  417. >"youre mine anon, and im yours" - she told me
  418. >"nothing will change that until such a time comes that we both decide otherwise" - she would furiously declare
  419. >if there ever was a woman made out of wife material
  420. >nicole was the ultimate prototype
  421. >her understanding of a relationship was beyond belief
  422. >and her connection to me was unbreakable
  423. >she was so incorruptible
  424. >she would straight up hit the guys trying to chat her up in their faces
  425. >"you come near me again and i swear to god i will use my entire boyfriend like a retractable baton and fuck you in the ass with him"
  426. >thats an actual fucking quote i heard her shout at some poor kid
  428. >and there i was, standing like a beta fag who has just won the lottery
  429. >my diamond hard dick pulsating to her commanding voice
  430. >then she kisses me like there is no tomorrow
  431. >finds an empty room in a house full of partying people
  432. >hangs my sock on the door knob
  433. >and fucks my brains out
  434. >yeah... that was nicole in a nutshell
  436. >so i have never imagined there would be trouble at the paradise
  437. >but come summer time, something else happened
  438. >my dad asked one of his old friends in LA for an internship position on my behalf
  439. >his friend accepted me to his firm
  440. >and while everyone was having a great time
  441. >i was supposed to work at the accounting department of this design office in LA
  442. >this meant that i wasnt going to spend my summer satisfying nicole
  443. >or doing anything fun for that matter
  444. >before she went to the airport
  445. >nicole kissed me as if we werent going to see each other again, like ever
  446. >"you don't forget who you belong to mister..." - she told me with tearful eyes
  447. >"i wont nicole, i promise"
  448. >man... the love and care this girl had shown me was something else
  449. >even tho i told her numerous times that i loved her - and i meant it
  450. >i had this feeling that my love for her didnt even come close to what she felt towards me
  451. >"you take care of yourself, you hear?" - and she left, hesitantly walking backwards to her bus to the airport
  452. >pete had already gone home previous weekend
  453. >so i was all by myself, walking around in this college ghost town
  454. >on my way back to the dorm
  455. >wanting to pack my stuff asap and get ready for my flight to LA
  456. >there she was, walking towards me
  457. >ella...
  458. >"hey! sup anon?" - she greeted me with a warm smile
  459. >"hey ella... i just sent off nicole"
  460. >"awww.. you guuuyyss... she cried right?" - with a snappy laugh - "i know she cried!"
  461. >"haha, well you know her, right?"
  462. >"she loves you anon, thats why" - ella reached out and stroked my arm, showing the she cared
  463. >for the first time in quite a while, i suddenly felt a jolt, a rush
  464. >it was like the time when i first saw her upclose
  465. >as her cold hands brushed my skin, my pupils dilated
  466. >like the first sip of a morning coffee
  467. >a surge of a small dose of adrenaline hit my body
  469. >i quickly broke out of her spell
  470. >i had to
  471. >"so.. where are you off to ella?"
  472. >"oh.. im leaving tomorrow morning, off to see my parents in LA"
  473. >WUT
  474. >"ummm... we might be on the same flight.." - that was the most sexually neutral thing i could think of at that time
  475. >"you serious? what are you doing in LA?" - ella asked with a delighted curiosity, her big green eyes glimmering with excitement
  476. >"i have this job my dad arranged for me.. im not exactly going there for a vacation" - i pout
  477. >"awww.. dont worry anon, ill keep you company, it will be fine i promise" - cheerfully reassuring me
  478. >my heart skipped a beat
  479. >before i could say anything
  480. >"oh! look at the time, i gotta go now, but hey, see you in LA, if not earlier!" - she winked at me
  481. >she waved and started walking in the other direction
  482. >after mumbling some non-intelligible verbal expressions like "hey.. ye.. wut.. oh" i waved at her
  483. >and watched her disappear around the corner
  484. >and as i was trying to make sense of what just happened, nicole's teary eyed face kept coming into my mind
  485. >i felt like a complete asshole
  486. >what the fuck am i so excited about?
  487. >i mean... ella is my bro's gf
  488. >shes bffs with my gf
  489. >what the fuck am i thinking
  490. >why am i suddenly feeling awkward again?
  491. >i tried not to think about it and started walking away
  492. >next morning was even harder for me
  493. >we were on the same bus to the airport
  494. >and when it was time to check in to our flight
  495. >we were side by side
  496. >naturally, you cant ask to be seated elsewhere when the person youre trying to avoid is right next to you
  497. >i couldnt believe that i was thinking about being seated elsewhere too
  498. >ella was not only a friend
  499. >she was also the one person i had to think of almost as a sister
  500. >i kept texting nicole to make sure that i was ok
  501. >reminding myself of "who i belonged to"
  502. >i was scared, because it wasnt helping at all
  503. >acting like everything is alright
  504. >i boarded the plane with ella
  506. >after chatting for a bit with ella
  507. >she fell asleep
  508. >after some time, i did too
  509. >when i woke up
  510. >her head was on my shoulder
  511. >and my head was on hers
  512. >her fragrant hair was all over my face
  513. >she smelled of vanilla and berries
  514. >her gorgeous scent was so enchanting, i started getting the strangest boner of my life
  515. >i was unsure about what to do
  516. >do i slowly back off?
  517. >do i keep leaning against her head and savor the moment?
  518. >what the fuck am i thinking? why is this an issue?
  520. now i know there must be a lot of you out there, calling me a beta fag
  521. but if bros before hoes doesnt apply here, then where else?
  523. >the only thing i was able to do was to raise my head out of her hair
  524. >and sit upright as best as i could
  525. >i couldnt bring myself to pull away from her
  526. >then as if things couldnt get any worse
  527. >she mumbled in her sleep and put her hand on my chest
  528. >embracing me as if she was sleeping next to pete
  529. >her beautiful hand was lightly hanging on to my shirt
  530. >her cold fingertips gently grazing my bare chest
  531. >this is torture
  532. >pete's voice is ringing in my ears
  533. >"i love her man, i fucking love her" - the time he told me at a party, watching ella from the other side of the room
  534. >with an admiration and love i havent seen before on any mans face
  535. >then i remember nicole again
  536. >and the discernment and the loyalty she has displayed time and again in the face of temptation
  537. >i felt like shit
  538. >concentrated, wc clogging brick of a shit
  540. >an excruciating hour later she woke up
  541. >she blinked her eyes rapidly as she tried to sober up
  542. >and yawned and stretched
  543. >i was losing my mind to the sight of her delicate body
  544. >as every muscle on her body vibrated and contracted
  545. >i was trying to force myself to look away
  546. >not notice her
  547. >but i couldnt
  548. >she looked at me with her sleepy green eyes
  549. >"oh, sorry anon... i get very untidy in my sleep" - she chuckled
  550. >"no worries.." - i tried to match her chuckle nerveously
  551. >shortly after that, we landed
  552. >her parents came to welcome her
  553. >she introduced me to them
  554. >they were nice people, really warm and welcoming
  555. >her mom, after learning that i was gonna be alone in LA
  556. >invited me to their place
  557. >i kindly declined their invitation, telling that my father has already rented an appartement for me
  558. >"well, next week, you must at least come have dinner with us then!" - ella ordered
  559. >"ok then, deal" - i accepted her offer with a million questions and ideas racing in my mind
  560. >shortly after we parted ways, i called nicole and talked to her for an hour
  561. >trying to remind myself of who i am
  562. >and texted pete, telling him about how ella and i were on the same flight to LA
  563. >i hated myself for feeling that an explanation was necessary
  564. >"hey pete, dont worry buddy, my dick wasnt fully erect the whole time she was sleeping on my shoulder" - sorta thing
  565. >"it got hard only when she started stretching her muscles... its aaaiight.."
  566. >FUCK...
  568. >i settled at home
  569. >met people at work
  570. >its boring but its ok
  571. >im in LA, lots of things to do
  572. >lots of free time when im not working 9 to 5
  573. >and its only part time so i only work 3 days a week
  574. >a week later ella picks me up from work
  575. >and we go to her house like i promised
  576. >everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpeg
  577. >her parents are really cool
  578. >lots of drinking, talking, joking around
  579. >she has a younger brother, jake
  580. >he is 11
  581. >he is a nerd but he is handsome in the same way ella is beautfiul
  582. >fucking little man is on his way to become a motherfucking 10/10 alpha
  583. >i start talking to him
  584. >we hit it off really well
  585. >i start playing vidya with him in his room
  586. >ella joins in
  587. >im like WUT
  588. >turns out ella is a hardcore gamer
  589. >then the feeling returns once more
  590. >ella is sitting between me and jake
  591. >and im trying to hide my boner under a n64 controller
  592. >feeling like im cheating on nicole again
  593. >i start drooling as she kicks our asses in mario kart
  594. >"oh well..." - ella rubs jake's head
  595. >and she turns to me and winks
  596. >"i dunno what you guys were expecting"
  597. >i forget how to speak english as i see her smug face next to mine
  598. >her piercing green eyes
  599. >her sharp, pointy nose couple inches away from me
  600. >her cheeks, red like apples after the rush and excitement of the game
  601. >tiny drops of sweat rolling down on her delicate neck
  602. >my mouth is wide open
  603. >she starts laughing when she sees my dumb as fuck face
  604. >"i only play adventure games anyway, monkey island and such..." - i try to bail out
  605. >"oh is that right, mr. threepwood?" - ella teases me
  606. >OMFG im about to drop dead
  607. >her mom calls us for dessert and coffee
  608. >i stay for another hour, then her dad drives me back to my place
  610. >next week, she called me and asked if i wanna hang out
  611. >i was afraid of how fast i responded "yes!"
  612. >she showed me the sights
  613. >we went to her favorite places
  614. >eating ice cream, hanging out in cafes and shit
  615. >about a month and a half into my stay in LA, i met a couple of her old friends
  616. >i could easily see that some of her high school boys were still in love with her
  617. >losing their minds over how lucky they are to see her once again
  618. >some of them even eyeballed me before ella told them that i was just a friend
  619. >"just a friend" - she said
  620. >and for no reason at all, i felt as if my heart imploded
  621. >whats wrong with what she said?
  622. >yeah, ofc i was just a friend
  623. >it wasnt like i was friendzoned or anything
  624. >she had a bf, i had a gf
  625. >so i was just a friend
  626. >but i was heartbroken nonetheless
  627. >we decided to go to the beach next week
  628. >so next week, 5 of ella's friends and i were at the beach
  629. >9/10 - 10/10 girls with slutty thongs all around us
  630. >everyone is like who gives a shit
  631. >i was the only horny fuck checking out every piece of ass around us
  632. >ella was wearing these loose summer pants and an old XL white shirt
  633. >we find a nice spot
  634. >get settled
  635. >then ella starts taking off her pants and shirt
  636. >.......i force myself to look elsewhere its so painful
  637. >i shit you not
  638. >every fucking person within a 50 feet radius starts looking
  639. >10/10 girls with tight asses and big tits starts cringing
  640. >i can see how jealous they feel
  641. >men are hnnnggg
  642. >then i say fuck it
  643. >i will have to see her body eventually
  644. >no escape
  645. >and i look at her
  647. >just a pair of jet black bikinis
  648. >in them, the most unquestionably beautfiul woman there ever was
  649. >her wavy auburn hair streams to her broad but willowy shoulders
  650. >sharp sunlight is glimmering on her bright green eyes
  651. >her face is already tanned
  652. >reddish spots are formed over her soft cheeks
  653. >her petite pink lips
  654. >and her sharp, small diamond chin
  655. >both moisturized by tiny droplets of sweat
  656. >the elongated and tender tendons on her neck line flows
  657. >to the most beautiful and deep jugular notch
  658. >surrounded by her sharp clavicles
  659. >and then i see them...
  660. >i dont think ive ever seen such breasts before
  661. >not with my own eyes
  662. >not in pictures, not in real life
  663. >slightly bigger than plump greyfruits
  664. >and smooth and solid as if they were carved out of marble
  665. >they stand at attention
  666. >amused by the incompetence of frail gravity
  667. >her small nipples, mildly protruding out of her bikini top
  668. >like searchlights, pointing way up into the sky
  669. >my eyes hover over that sight for a few seconds
  670. >and admire her chest like they have seen the most beautiful work of art ever created
  671. >then i look down
  672. >see her belly
  673. >she has a set of lightly defined muscles surrounding her tummy
  674. >her waist is lean
  675. >and forms a very elegant and gentle hourglass shape
  676. >as they connect to her curvy yet tight hips
  677. >another piece of black cloth covers the magnificent V shape
  678. >the sight of a barely concealed bulge on the cloth stops my heart for a second
  679. >it is an unbelievable awareness, knowing whats behind that cloth
  680. >there is a small opening beneath her crotch
  681. >and i can see the sandy beach in the background from between her legs
  682. >as the lengthy muscles on her thighs expand and contract
  683. >and shiver and vibrate to the warm breeze of cali
  684. >her small knees play around
  685. >and her lower legs keep to the pace
  686. >as the tanned muscles around her tibias enjoy the sunlight
  687. >her feet dig shallow spots in the sand
  688. >tip of her toes curl and point
  689. >her heels ascend out of the sand and dance in the air
  690. >ella. words are empty...
  692. >my eyes were fixed on ella
  693. >ella looks at me
  694. >she leans in with a funny smile on her face
  695. >her youthful breasts come closer to my face than ever before
  696. >"you are staring anon!" - she says calmly while giggling
  697. >my face turns into a mexican tomato plantation
  698. >she walks by me towards the ocean
  699. >looks back with a smile warmer than midday sun
  700. >"you coming?" - and runs into the luke warm water while bouncing her perfect fanny
  701. >"i... im.. in a minute, yeah..."
  702. >i wasnt about to display the biggest tent of my life in front of everyone
  703. >she voices a snappy laugh and starts backstroking away from the beach
  704. >i sit there and start reciting the multiplication table
  705. >as if i was with nicole in bed, trying to delay the inevitable
  706. >moments later i join her
  707. >"um... sorry about before" - i apologize sheepishly
  708. >"haha! dont worry about it, you should have seen pete's face when he first saw me in my underwear"
  709. >mfw ellainsexyunderwear.jpg
  710. >and we're back to where we started. good thing my tent is now underwater
  711. >i try to speak but all im doing is keeping my mouth open without saying anything
  712. >ella is laughing hysterically
  713. >"are your serious anon?"
  714. >"s-s-serious how?"
  715. >"are you seriously thinking of me in my underwear right now?"
  716. >"it.. it comes and goes" - WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING
  717. >ella laughs and splashes water to my face
  718. >"come on underwear boy! swim!"
  719. >she starts swimming
  720. >i have nothing else to do but follow her
  721. >few moments later she stops swimming and turns to me
  722. >"hey.. did you call nicole? you guys talking, yes?"
  723. >BUZZ KILL!
  724. >"yeah.. why?"
  725. >"good. you keep doing that. than you can imagine me in my underwear all you want"
  726. >"..."
  727. >she chuckles like a prankster and starts swimming back
  728. >my mouth was like a keyboard with coffee spilled all over it
  729. >i followed her back to the beach
  731. >i spent the rest of the day thinking about nicole
  732. >thinking about pete
  733. >and thinking about ella
  734. >i really didnt have to think about ella, since she was suntanning her gorgeous body next to me
  735. >before everybody went home
  736. >ella asked me if i wanted to hang out with her next weekend
  737. >i accepted, naturally
  738. >after i went home, my dad called
  739. >told me to get ready for a trip
  740. >wut?
  741. >yeah... apparently, i was supposed to go to hong kong
  742. >turns out, my dad is more connected than i previously believed
  743. >i had just a week left to spend in LA
  744. >then it was time for hong kong
  745. >after i spoke to my dad, pete called
  746. >his voice was all fucked up
  747. >told me that ella broke up with her a week ago
  748. >0___________o
  749. >i switched to bro mode and started calling ella a bitch and whatnot
  750. >"dude.. stop.." - he said calmly
  751. >?
  752. >"she was right. this wasnt going anywhere..."
  753. >"how.. what?"
  754. >"look anon, i have nothing that i can offer to her" - pete started explaining
  755. >he told me how ella was smarter than him and how it wasnt about sex or being an alpha and all that shit
  756. >basically like everything else about her, ella was not exactly your usual sorority girl
  757. >she was in her own alpha-omega-fuckyou club
  758. >and pete had nothing more than 4 months worth of fashion class and a few dirty jokes to show for an admission
  759. >"anyways... thought you should know man. take care" - and he hung up
  760. >i was terrified when i realized my first thought was
  761. >"now what do i do with nicole?"
  762. >and my next,
  763. >"what the fuck am i supposed to do in hong kong???"
  765. >next week, i decided to ask ella about what happened before we went to the museum
  766. >we meet
  767. >kiss&hug
  768. >"sup anon!" - shes cheerful as usual
  769. >"sup ella... so... pete called me"
  770. >her head becomes apologetically heavy
  771. >"sorry for not telling you anon, didnt want you to think less of me before speaking to pete first"
  772. >"why?"
  773. >ella looks at me, feeling stuck between her friendship with me and my friendship with pete
  774. >"wasnt working anon.. things dont always work out. what did pete say about me?"
  775. >"only good things"
  776. >"what did you tell him?"
  777. >"me? i was just.. trying to be a bro i guess"
  778. >ella pouts
  779. >"sorry for putting you in that situation"
  780. >this is the first time ive seen ella unable to drive the conversation
  781. >she looks way too submissive
  782. >i feel bad
  783. >"hey look.. its ok, its not my place to say anything" - i try to comfort her
  784. >ella looks at me, almost waiting for my approval
  785. >then i say
  786. >"lets move on, shall we? besides, we have a date" - WUUUUT
  787. >ella blushes
  788. >i realize what ive just said and how it might be so easily misunderstood
  789. >"ok.." - she doesnt push it and saves me from my own demise
  790. >we get inside the natural history museum and start wandering around aimlessly
  791. >without talking
  792. >couldn't tell her that i was leaving for hong kong 2 days from now
  793. >both our minds are elsewhere
  794. >we get to the prehistorics section
  795. >see the dinosaur skeletons
  797. and no, they DONT WALK
  799. >then we get to the early humans or some other stuff i dunno
  800. >i dont remember why but we stopped in front of this neanderthal skull on display
  801. >we just look at it
  803. >kinda reminds me of something
  804. >"you know.. this looks somewhat familiar.." - i say without looking at ella
  805. >ella doesnt say anything at first, but then
  807. >she loudly cracks an evil laughter in the middle of the fucking hall
  808. >she looks at me with a funny evil face
  809. >with a crackled, badly impersonated manly voice
  810. >"i am a powerful demonic force! i am the harbinger of your doom! let me hear you scream in terror!"
  811. >X______X im melting right now
  812. >i remember
  813. >she gives me a warm smile and starts laughing
  814. >i remember why that skull looks so familiar
  816. >mylifeiscomplete.jpeg
  817. >everyone is looking at us like wtf is wrong with these people
  818. >i get so excited my hands start shaking
  819. >"oh.. i think i did it a bit too loud" - she whispers as she keeps chuckling
  820. >"you.. you played mi3?" - i ask her stammering
  821. >"oh i love it anon!" - she grins
  822. >"..."
  823. >"i figured you would remember murray, you being the adventure gamer and all"
  824. >i have nothing to say
  825. >at that moment, ella stopped being a crush i could hardly admit to
  826. >and turned into my lifes goal i have no idea what to do with
  827. >we started talking about monkey island
  828. >then full throttle
  829. >indiana jones and the fate of atlantis
  830. >all lucas arts games
  831. >old school adventures
  832. >we were cracking jokes
  833. >impersonating key characters
  834. >acting out funny moments
  835. >it got to the point of singing theme songs
  836. >thats when we realized we are sitting next to a prehistoric animal
  837. >in the middle of the museum
  838. >talking about weird games and such like nerds
  839. >security is giving us funny looks
  840. >we laughed about it and decided to leave
  842. >it was getting late, sun was about to set
  843. >"hey anon, come home with me. have dinner with us again!" - ella grabbed my arm and asked me cheerfully
  844. >"id love that!"
  845. >and we went to her house once more
  846. >her parents gladly welcomed me to their home
  847. >jake was in a summer camp or some such
  848. >during dinner, all we could talk about was games
  849. >and anime, comics, the whole nerd nine yards
  850. >her mom and dad were giving each other smirky looks
  851. >i didnt care
  852. >i was losing my mind
  853. >ella... the perfect girl...
  854. >ella invited me to her room
  855. >and that was the first time ive seen ella's room
  856. >anime posters on the walls
  857. >cute bed sheets with girly flowers and stuff
  859. >her neatly folded clothes everywhere
  860. >a full repertoire of fashion pete studied to understand for a whole semester
  861. >a cute and girly elegance
  862. >and a hardcore and tomboyish geekdom
  863. >the best of both worlds, if there was ever such a thing
  864. >" at a loss for words" - i declare with my mouth wide open
  865. >ella chuckles and playfully punches my shoulder
  866. >"shut up.. what were you expecting? wall-to-wall posters of some boyband?"
  867. >"hahah.. no, i.. i love it.." - i look around with a huge grin on my face
  868. >"good. now im going to beat your ass in mario kart again. sit down"
  869. >as she forcibly seats me on the floor and in front of a small tv
  870. >huge amounts of cute hearts gush out of all of my bodily orifices
  871. >ella goes over to jake's room and brings the n64
  872. >and we start playing
  873. >this is heaven...
  875. >she kicks my ass in mario kart again
  876. >we switch to SF
  877. >she kicks my ass yet again
  878. >next we try split screen 007
  879. >and guess what.. she kicks my ass again
  880. >she fires up the PS and starts showing me MGS
  881. >ive never played MGS until then, yeah dont judge ok?
  882. >she starts telling me about the story, going crazy excited
  883. >shows me the controls and starts watching as i fumble around
  884. >laughs at my stupidity and ineptness every now and then
  885. >i play and play, lose myself, immerse myself in the excellence of MGS
  886. >then i pause the game
  887. >and realize that she has fallen asleep with her head on my shoulder
  888. >her sweet vanilla and berry scent filling my lungs once more
  889. >she looks peaceful and happy
  890. >i quit the game and put down the controller
  891. >i gently embrace her exquisite body
  892. >putting my arms behind her back and under her beautiful legs
  893. >the thin veneer of her skirt rolls back, revealing her thighs
  894. >i carefully carry her to bed
  895. >tuck her in
  896. >just look at her and appreciate her unbelievable beauty for a moment...
  897. >its 3 am, her parents must already be asleep
  898. >i dont have any way of returning home
  899. >i turn off the tv and the lights
  900. >grab a pack of neatly folded tshirts and use them as a makeshift pillow
  901. >and curl up on the floor
  902. >its hard to fall asleep, the floor is too uncomfy
  903. >i hear shuffling behind me
  904. >i figure she must be turning around in her sleep
  905. >then i feel her hand on my back
  906. >then over my shoulder
  907. >and she rests it on my chest, pulling a thin sheet of blanket over both of us
  908. >her small feet play around and curl up next to mine as she spoons me
  909. >i grab her cold hand and press it firmly against my chest
  910. >she mumbles and plants her face to the back of my neck
  911. >and i fall asleep, madly in love
  913. >next morning when i woke up, she was still sleeping
  914. >during the night, we ended up facing each other
  915. >when i opened my eyes, i found myself looking at her angelic face
  916. >her hair was all over me
  917. >her hand was still holding on to my shirt
  918. >like the time it was back on the plane
  919. >i could feel her breath on my lips
  920. >i wanted to stay there
  921. >more than anything, i wanted to lay next to her forever
  922. >and i wanted to kiss her so much
  923. >but all i could think of was nicole's face
  924. >i carefully reached for my phone in my pocket
  925. >nicole left me a text
  926. >"hey you! wanted to surprise you before you go to hong kong, im in LA! call me when you wake up! i love you :)"
  927. >OHSHIT.gif
  928. >i go pale
  929. >my mouth dries up
  930. >my heart starts beating to a fight or flight moment
  931. >i gently put ella's hand down
  932. >and back off without waking her up
  933. >i grab my things and exit the house without anyone noticing
  934. >i call nicole
  935. >she tells me to meet her on venice beach
  936. >grab a bite to eat on the way
  937. >coffee to wake up
  938. >the moment i see her i realize the mistake ive made
  939. >my hair is all messed up
  940. >im still wearing yesterdays clothes
  941. >i didnt even brush my teeth
  942. >and my entire body smells like ella's perfume
  943. >nevergofullretard.avi
  944. >its too late
  945. >she sees me and starts running towards me
  946. >and jumps to my arms
  948. >she digs her lips into my mouth
  949. >holds me tightly
  950. >starts kissing me furiously
  951. >then she slows down
  952. >and then completely stops
  953. >her hands and arms lose their grasp on me
  954. >slowly pulls away
  955. >she gently pushes me back to take a better look at me
  956. >she sees the guilt and fear on my face
  957. >her pupils dilate
  958. >she starts turning red
  959. >her eyes fill with fury and anger like nothing ive seen before
  960. >her right hand pulls back and flies into my face
  961. >it lands perfectly
  962. >my ears start ringing
  963. >my vision is blurred
  964. >she doesnt talk
  965. >i dont have anything to say for myself
  966. >i just stay there, with half of my face completely numb
  967. >unable to face her, unable to look her in the eyes
  968. >she slowly turns around and starts walking
  969. >looks back
  970. >" coming?" - she looks at me with tear filled mad eyes
  971. >i obey and start following her
  972. >we sit on a bench overlooking venice beach
  973. >we sit there for a few minutes before she finally asks
  974. >"did you sleep with her?" - she doesnt look at me
  975. >"no..."
  976. >"did you kiss her?"
  977. >"no..."
  978. >she stops for a moment
  979. >i realize whats coming.. and its too late
  980. >she turns to me with a face full of tears of anger
  981. >"you... youre in love with her????"
  982. >i cant say anything. i just sit there, my head as low as it can go
  983. >"for how FUCKING long, anon?" - her voice trembles
  984. >"..."
  985. >"how long?..." - she asks again, barely audible
  987. >"i dont know"
  988. >she hesitates for a moment and then starts talking again
  989. >"i should have known... for the past month, you were all ella could talk about anon"
  990. >i couldnt believe what i was hearing
  991. >i wake up to the shock of this revelation
  992. >"she talked to you about me?" - i ask her, with a skeptical and messed up face
  993. >"yeah.." - she opens her eyes wide, sarcastically
  994. >"..."
  995. >"can you believe that? you became her number one friend"
  996. >"her confidant"
  997. >"her bff" - she violently fingerquotes her snappish remark
  998. >i dont have anything to say to nicole
  999. >"...and i cant be angry at her for getting close to you, anon..."
  1000. >she stopped
  1001. >"but you..." - she gets close to my face and puts her index finger sharply to my chest
  1002. >"you should have known better" - tapping my chest with her finger
  1003. >"..."
  1004. >"...answer me anon" - she whispers
  1005. >"..."
  1006. >"ANSWER ME!"
  1007. >"WHAT??" - i turn to her
  1008. >she jumped back with a surprise
  1009. >this was the first time she has seen me scream at anyone, let alone her
  1010. >"what do you want me to say nicole? that i love her? that i care for her? that no matter how i feel about you, i cant control how i also feel about her? that even when you and i were just friends and ella was with pete, i couldnt help but feel a strong desire for her?"
  1011. >nicole didnt talk. she just stood there and watched me talk with a heartbroken face
  1012. >"what do you want me to say nicole?"
  1013. >"..."
  1014. >"what do you want me to say? that the first thing i felt was relief when pete told me that she broke up with him?"
  1015. >"ok..." - she whispered and stared into the distance
  1017. ***
  1019. >we continued to talk
  1020. >getting angry at each other at times
  1021. >but it was more upsetting than vexing
  1022. >after an hour of furious argument
  1023. >we were tired
  1024. >even when pissed off, nicole didnt hold back her love for me
  1025. >she got close to me and put her head on my shoulder
  1026. >and we started watching the sunset
  1028. >"you know what anon..." - she spoke kindly, like a whisper - "there isnt enough sex tricks in the world to keep you away from ella"
  1029. >i froze. i felt like a sharp object has pierced thru my chest
  1030. >"and there isnt enough small jokes, bouquet of flowers or boxes of chocolate that pete can come to her door with"
  1031. >she sighed...
  1032. >"so he can hold on to ella..."
  1033. >i couldnt speak... couldnt breathe
  1034. >"and its alright anon... no matter what we do, you guys were made for each other" - she spoke as she gave in to reality
  1035. >"so you go ahead. i told you that you were mine until we both decided otherwise"
  1036. >"..."
  1037. >"and we both decided otherwise, you know that..."
  1038. >i sat there... with nicole's head on my shoulder
  1039. >staring blankly into the crowd of people on venice beach
  1040. >knowing that theres no amount of rights i can make to fix the wrong i did her
  1041. >the person who loved me so blindly, so vigorously
  1042. >that even in the moment of her defeat, she still wanted what was best for me
  1043. >"just do one last thing for me.." - she whispered
  1044. >i turned my face to her
  1045. >and kissed her with a passion like i never have
  1046. >she held my face in her small hands
  1047. >and broke our bond
  1048. >"go" - she said, trying to hold back her tears
  1049. >"go before i change my mind... go!" - she started to cry
  1050. >holding her hand, i got up. i hesitantly started stepping away
  1051. >our arms stretched and reached their length as our fingertips grazed each other and broke away
  1052. >i started walking backwards...
  1053. >looking at her
  1054. >realizing what i have done
  1055. >feeling like shit
  1056. >nicole wasnt looking at me
  1057. >her head dropped
  1058. >the palms of her hands were trying to hide the tears
  1059. >she was quietly sobbing
  1060. >i gasped for air and forced myself away from her
  1061. >trying not to think about it
  1062. >running away like an asshole
  1063. >i must have walked for 3 hours
  1064. >not knowing what to do
  1065. >it was getting late
  1066. >i finally made my decision
  1067. >i hailed a cab
  1068. >and gave the driver ella's home address
  1070. >i arrive at ella's house
  1071. >i approach her door
  1072. >not knowing what to expect
  1073. >i ring the bell
  1074. >the door opens
  1075. >my heart stops when i see her
  1076. >she lowers the cellphone from her ear
  1077. >looks at me
  1078. >"that was nicole..." - she shakes the phone in her hand
  1079. >her beautiful green eyes are bloodshot
  1080. >tears running down her face
  1081. >she closes the door
  1082. >"ella.." - i breathlessly shriek
  1083. >i turn my back to her door
  1084. >i start walking
  1085. >and then collapse
  1086. >i start crying like a bitch
  1087. >this is just too much
  1088. >first nicole
  1089. >and now ella...
  1090. >the door quietly clicks open again
  1091. >the afternoon sun casts a shadow over me
  1092. >the shadow eagerly waits
  1093. >"what did she say to you..." - i can barely speak
  1094. >"that you loved me more than her, you stupid fuck"
  1095. >a cold hand grabs my collar
  1096. >and pulls me with force
  1097. >i stumble and walk to ella's door, following her stern pace
  1098. >tears and snot on my face, ugly as fuck
  1099. >as i pass thru the doorway
  1100. >she turns around
  1101. >violently slams the door with a flick of her hand
  1102. >and pins me to the shut door with force
  1103. >stuffs my face with her lips
  1105. >my heart is beating like a jackhammer
  1106. >she just stays frozen
  1107. >her lips nailed to mine
  1108. >her chilled hands hanging from my collar
  1109. >her intense kiss gently becomes tender
  1110. >and she stops kissing me
  1111. >clumsily wipes my wet face with her hands
  1112. >sporadically chuckling her heart out while crying tears of joy
  1113. >"you look like shit.." - she laughs nerveously
  1114. >i smile and laugh
  1115. >"come on.. you need a shower"
  1116. >she drags me to her bathroom and gives me fresh towels
  1117. >i take a shower for an hour
  1118. >trying to calm my nerves, trying to make sense to this calamity
  1119. >i take way longer than usual
  1120. >knowing that when i get out i will have to face her
  1121. >and have a talk
  1122. >i finally get out and wrap myself with her towels
  1123. >go to her room
  1124. >ella is in her pjs
  1125. >her hair is wet
  1126. >she must have had a shower too
  1127. >shes sitting on her bed all curled up, holding on to her legs
  1128. >she has a deeply concerned look on her face
  1129. >i sit next to her and stare at the wall
  1130. >expecting a million questions
  1131. >she simply says
  1132. >"go ahead, say it"
  1133. >i dont understand.. i mean say what???
  1134. >"say it" - she tells me again with a calm voice
  1135. >"...i love you"
  1136. >"good"
  1137. >she puts her hands on my face
  1138. >and her lips on mine
  1139. >and gives me the warmest, most gentle kiss i could have imagined
  1140. >we fall back to the bed
  1141. >she embraces me
  1143. >while her freezing hands caress my skin like ice
  1144. >her hot soft lips brush against my face like a velvet cloth
  1145. >i hold her tightly
  1146. >she opens her arms and lays back
  1147. >presents herself to me with an innocent smile on her face
  1148. >i take my time and study her
  1149. >i dont want to rush anything
  1150. >"my parents are gone for the day... we're aaaaall alone" - she sings playfully
  1151. >i have all the time in the world
  1152. >i rub her tummy
  1153. >and kiss the notch under her neck
  1154. >she sighs
  1155. >ella holds on to me tightly and locks me into herself with her legs
  1156. >we stay like that for a long time
  1157. >kissing and touching each other
  1158. >enjoying the warmth of our bodies
  1159. >she pulls her knees up, almost reaching my head
  1160. >using her toes
  1161. >she carefully grips the edge of the towel on my waist
  1162. >starts to slide it down surgically
  1163. >exposing me
  1164. >ella looks down
  1165. >then looks up
  1166. >and flashes me a suggestive smirk
  1167. >her legs are gingerly dancing on my upperbody
  1168. >i can feel the muscles on her legs expanding and contracting as they move around
  1169. >i slide my hand from her back to her bottom
  1170. >i feel the magnificent curvature of her strained hips
  1171. >and catch the waist of her pj bottoms with my fingers
  1172. >i slowly pull them down along with her panties
  1173. >i feel a gush of warmth in my hand
  1174. >i touch her silky smooth bare bottoms
  1175. >she bites her lips and dives in to my lips again
  1176. >shes kissing me strenuously this time
  1177. >hot air licks my face as she exhales from her small pointy nose
  1179. >and then i closed my eyes
  1180. >and pressed my entire body againts hers
  1181. >we slowly curled up into each other
  1182. >getting closer and closer
  1183. >you would think there is a physical limit to how close you can get to someone
  1184. >that limit is not really as apart as it may seem
  1185. >there is a point where you fail to distinguish skin from skin
  1186. >we hugged each other so tightly
  1187. >grabbed onto each other like dear life
  1188. >as if we somehow let go, we would fall to our deaths
  1189. >we became one
  1190. >i dont remember at which point we were actually "having sex"
  1191. >with that amount of love and such a strong intimacy
  1192. >you dont really understand whats going on
  1193. >you dont pay attention to how youre "satisfying" yourself and your partner
  1194. >its not about tips and tricks anymore
  1195. >its not about knowing what limb to touch
  1196. >or where to kiss, lick or do whatever
  1197. >that level of unity transcends virtually every "health" magazine bullshit you can read about sex and intimacy
  1198. >time loses meaning
  1199. >that night, i dont remember for how many hours
  1200. >we were inseperable
  1201. >we didnt say a word the entire time
  1202. >no screaming, no loud noises
  1203. >just heavy breathing
  1204. >lots of heavy breathing
  1205. >the only thing that i cared
  1206. >her hands werent cold anymore
  1207. >her touch was warm to me, for the first time
  1208. >and the only memory i cherished more than anything else
  1209. >was the feeling that as if we have known each other for all our lives
  1210. >that night, ella wasnt a couple months old friend whom i cheated on my girlfriend or betrayed my best buddy for
  1211. >she was the one person dearest to me, above everyone else
  1212. >she was my missing piece
  1213. >after a long long time has past, i remember finally whispering
  1214. >"i love you"
  1215. >and falling into the deepest, most relaxed sleep i have ever had
  1217. >it was almost dawn when i woke up
  1218. >ella woke up with me
  1219. >"i have to tell you something..." - i told her
  1220. >she looked at me, scared and upset
  1221. >"i have to go to hong kong for 2 months... today... i wont be able to spend the rest of summer with you..."
  1222. >whatever she was expecting, hearing this news relieved her
  1223. >she sighed and planted a passionate kiss on my cheek
  1224. >"its ok... we will see each other in school" - she whispered to me softly
  1225. >"after all, i have you now..."
  1226. >i couldnt have been happier
  1227. >hong kong seemed like a punishment after everything that has happened
  1228. >but i knew ella would wait for me
  1229. >ella sent me away
  1230. >convinced me that if we spent even more time
  1231. >or if she would come to LAX to see me off, the distance and time would be even harder to bear
  1232. >i agreed
  1233. >as i was dragging my feet to leave her, i kissed her so much, she had to physically push me away
  1234. >giggling with a sleepy face
  1235. >"go now! go or you will miss your flight!"
  1236. >i went home, hastily packed my bags and left for the airport
  1237. >all i could think of was her
  1238. >the cab driver had to ask me "where to?" like 3 times
  1240. ***
  1242. >after i landed and got settled in hong kong
  1243. >we started talking on skype
  1244. >it was new back then and the connection was shitty
  1245. >but it was better than nothing
  1246. >eveyday we would talk, sometimes for hours
  1247. >there was so much time difference, i was almost an entire day ahead of LA
  1248. >but we made it work
  1249. >our intimacy was not limited to sex
  1250. >and our friendship was more than just ambiguous flirting
  1251. >the things we shared, the moments we lived
  1252. >even tho they were digital and thousands of miles apart
  1253. >i was still in heaven
  1255. >a month later
  1256. >i came home from work one day
  1257. >and there was no response to my calls
  1258. >figured, she must be busy, or out, or something else came up
  1259. >didnt think of much and went on with the rest of my day
  1260. >next day, same thing
  1261. >well, unless you are a seriously paranoid person, you dont think of worst case scenarios
  1262. >until your buddy calls you
  1263. >...
  1264. >didnt remember how i responded to that
  1265. >i still dont, i only know what pete, mom and dad told me
  1266. >turns out, i dropped the phone and was unreachable for an hour
  1267. >dont know what happened in that hour
  1268. >then they say that i called my folks
  1269. >by then, pete told them already
  1270. >and they knew i wasnt goint to be able to make my way back on my own
  1271. >as i was speaking to (or screaming to) mom, dad was already buying plane tickets
  1272. >i didnt realize my mom was crying on the phone
  1273. >knowing her son was in so much pain and she was unable to help me
  1274. >i was screaming so much, my voice was all but gone
  1275. >at some point, my dad picked up the phone
  1276. >trying to calm me down
  1277. >years later, i asked him once, just once, what happened that day
  1278. >never seen a man that white as he told me what happened
  1279. >how terrified he was over how i was feeling
  1280. >i asked him because the only thing i could remember was pete telling me
  1281. >"she's gone... she's gone..."
  1283. ***
  1285. >i talked to pete one more time before dad arrived
  1286. >that i do remember
  1287. >you go numb after so much pain
  1288. >and start behaving like a robot...
  1289. >he knew i wasnt gonna be at the ceremony with him
  1290. >we talked about things no one wants to know
  1291. >but you just have to know
  1292. >like what happens to a car travelling at 60mph
  1293. >when it gets rearended by another car
  1294. >starts spinning
  1295. >and stops when it wraps around a telephone pole
  1296. >there was nothing anyone would want to look at
  1297. >no open casket
  1298. >just a box
  1299. >while her family was burying ella
  1300. >i was on a plane back to states
  1301. >didnt have the power to go back to LA
  1302. >and be there with her family
  1303. >didnt want to go back to college
  1304. >and be all by myself
  1305. >i just wanted to go home
  1307. >a year has passed since ella's death
  1308. >mom and dad were trying to play it cool
  1309. >pete was the only one keeping me sane
  1310. >he too was affected by ella's passing
  1311. >but he was stronger
  1312. >he didnt love ella the way i did
  1313. >nicole was keeping her distance
  1314. >avoiding me as best she could
  1315. >on the anniversary of her death, i decided to visit ella's grave
  1316. >got on a plane to LA
  1317. >i still remember the first time i walked thru those cemetery gates
  1318. >its never easy to visit the dead
  1319. >i found her
  1320. >and stayed there for an hour
  1321. >just crying, not knowing what to say
  1322. >im not a religious person
  1323. >and i dont believe in afterlife
  1324. >i had this feeling inside me that no matter what i said
  1325. >she wasnt there to see
  1326. >or hear
  1327. >after a while, a boy walked up to me
  1328. >her brother
  1329. >young jake too came to visit her sister
  1330. >we hugged
  1331. >"you should come and visit my folks, anon. they will be happy to see you"
  1332. >i accepted his kind invitation
  1333. >when we arrived at their home
  1334. >the air was thick, filled with sorrow
  1335. >her mother smiled when she saw me
  1336. >held me in her arms as if i was her own blood
  1337. >"oh am i happy to see you" - she cried
  1338. >they were relieved they didnt have to be alone that day
  1339. >ella's father was already half drunk
  1340. >but he was joyful when we started talking about ella
  1341. >jake was sitting between his mom and dad
  1342. >they wouldnt let go of his hands the entire time
  1343. >drawing power from knowing that they are not alone
  1344. >and that jake is still here
  1345. >after talking about ella
  1346. >reminiscing what little time i was able to spend with her
  1347. >her mom showed me into ella's room
  1349. >the room was left untouched
  1350. >nothing was changed since ive been there more than a year ago
  1351. >even her neatly folded clothes were still on her chair
  1352. >her vidya archive
  1353. >her anime posters on the walls
  1354. >her mom opened a drawer
  1355. >and took out a cd case and a letter
  1356. >and handed them to me
  1357. >"i believe these are for you, anon"
  1358. >she put them into my violently shaking hands
  1359. >she kissed me on my forehead and left the room
  1360. >i sat on the bed
  1361. >the bed in which we had the chance to spend a single night together
  1362. >a single night...
  1363. >i looked at the cd case
  1364. >and immediately burst into the tears i was holding back before
  1365. >crying my eyes out, i started reading her letter
  1366. >the letter she couldnt send to hong kong
  1368. pic related, letter and the cd case
  1370. >after i read the letter
  1371. >i was in fetus position on her bed
  1372. >crying
  1373. >the love and the loss were too much
  1374. >someone slowly sat next to me
  1375. >and i felt a familiar hand on my face
  1376. >i put my head on her lap
  1377. >while nicole caressed my hair
  1378. >and calmed me down
  1379. >"im here..." - she whispered
  1380. >and hugged me as she too quietly cried
  1382. >next semester
  1383. >nicole and i got closer
  1384. >she stopped avoiding me
  1385. >and we became friends again
  1386. >she understood what i have been thru
  1387. >and altho ive broken her heart
  1388. >she knew i didnt mean to
  1389. >she knew how much i loved ella
  1390. >she knew the love ive felt for ella didnt mean i didnt value her
  1391. >2 years later we started dating again
  1392. >moved to chicago together
  1393. >another 2 years after that, we got married
  1394. >and i slowly forgot about ella
  1395. >while organizing old stuff at our house
  1396. >i came across ella's letter and the mi3 cd case
  1397. >when i started feeling bad
  1398. >she convinced me to write the story down
  1399. >so i could get it off my chest
  1400. >"i dont want to read it" - she said with a sad face
  1401. >"it will be too much for me. but you have to write it down"
  1402. >her love and care were heavenly
  1403. >"you need this anon"
  1404. >i accepted
  1406. ***
  1408. >last night after i finished writing my story
  1409. >nicole convinced me to frame ella's letter
  1410. >i looked at her, i was almost about to cry
  1411. >she gently held my face in her hands
  1412. >"its good to remember anon" - and she planted a tender kiss on my lips
  1413. >"she was a good person. you loved her and she loved you"
  1414. >i dont even know what to say
  1415. >i framed the letter and put it on my nightstand
  1416. >we got under the blankets on a cold winter night
  1417. >we cuddled
  1418. >she embraced me and placed her head on my chest
  1419. >and softly whispered into my ear
  1420. >"youre mine anon, and im yours..."
  1421. >"and as i have said before..." - she was almost asleep
  1422. >with an amorous smile on her face
  1423. >"until such a time comes we both decide otherwise, nothing will change that"
  1424. >and i fell asleep next to the woman i loved
  1425. >embracing the woman that loves me
  1427. and this is the end of my story...
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