The Venetian Chronicles: Anima Cat Omnibus

The Venetian Chronicles: Anima Cat Omnibus
Yuuko: (fumbling with the camera before mounting it on a tripod. Before adjusting the focus on the camera and Clearing her throat) this is Council envoy Yuuko Shirakawa, agent of the dragon, and historian for the archives in Dublin Ireland. As part of the Chronicles initiative, I am interviewing active agents from the 21st century so that future generations may better understand the context in which events are taking place. This session is being recorded on 11/18/2019 in Greenfield Ireland, at the Green residence.
Yuuko: Could you please state your full name, date of birth, affiliation and rank?
Ziggy: *The silver tabby ignores the question and continues to lick himself on the interviewing sofa.*
Yuuko: *Clears throat to get the cat’s attention.* Umm, Ziggy?
Yuuko: Ziggy?
Yuuko: ZIGGY!!
Ziggy: *Ziggy quickly raised his head and perked his ears* Huh? What? What?
Yuuko: Could you please state your full name, date of birth, affiliation and rank?
Ziggy: Umm… I am Ziggy. At least that is what my mom calls me anyway. My date of birth is between March and June, somewhere around there. That is when it’s mating season for most species, so it’s best to just have an estimated date of birth, rather than an actal. When cats go into heat, they have no sense of time or date like the humans do. You know, cats are ready to go anytime, anyplace, mostly in public, and still not get into any trouble. And Anytime. My affiliation is Felis Catus, that’s Latin for cat, according to Natasha. She’s very smart in human languages. We are affiliated with the Templars, and have been for a long time. But you know, during the time of troubles amongst the animal kingdom, we were let go to operate out of our own forever homes. Don’t get me wrong, we often visit there to hang out with the rest of the Templars, to keep up with our skills. I’m one of the Commanders of the Royal Order of Felines Militant, Tactical Division, which I’m like how you humans say it, the #3 in command next to Prince Bigglesworth and Prince Albert.
Yukko: Can you tell us about your family?
Ziggy: As far as I know, My family have a human servant named Mom. I have a bro named Bunky, and a sister named Oksana who is the white marshmallow. Bunky and I are both tabbies, except I’m silver and he’s ginger. We’re from the same litter apparently, though from the markings we have, I often question that. I have an adopted sister named Trixie who is a Maine Coon, and a foster brother named Dr. Lox who is a lilac point Birman. Or Lox, but if we’re on the field, we call him Dr. Lox.
Yuuko: Where did you grow up?
Ziggy: That may be a little difficult to explain, because we moved around a lot when we were kittens. There were a lot of places that we lived in, before Trixie and Lox came into our family. First we lived in a potato chip box. Then we upgraded to a laundry basket, then onto a big closet with lots and lots of things that had so many different textures and lengths that we could explore. Soft, fluffy, silky drapes of cloth just hanging about in these metal hook thingies. And all we did was learn to climb up, and snuggle around in them, and play games with my brother and sister. Don’t forget naps. Lots and lots of naps. And then after a short amount of time, we were ruling our very own castle, with a human to serve us in every way., mostly all the necessities. Like feed us, and keep our litter boxes clean. Life is great for a cat.
Yuuko: How would you describe your childhood?
Ziggy: Umm. What do I look like? A human?.
Yuuko: How were you first introduced to the secret world?
Ziggy: We were playing in the park across from our home and stupid Bunky he got too close to a hive and all these bees started flying after us. Little did we know that they were Gaian bees. Usually when bees attack, they sting us and then die. That’s their natural way of defending their territory. Not these ones. Nope. They didn’t even sting us once, which was weird. Instead they went in our tummies so fast we didn’t realize we each ate one. When we got home, weird things started happening. Blue flames were shooting out of the paws, things catching fire, glass started shattering by themselves off the table. We started to see things and feel things a lot differently before we stepped within the bees territory. We singlepawedly destroyed everything our mom owned for days. You should have seen the look on Mom’s face when she came home. Holy cats it was priceless!
Yuuko: Did you have any contact (either directly or indirectly) with your society before your powers awakened?
Ziggy: We knew George and Malcolm before we became anima cats. But we knew not what they were capable of, that was after we got bees in our tummies. Every time we meet another cat, we meow or wave with our tails, or we hiss to tell them to back off before they get a paw full of claws. Talking to humans on the other paw, meow that is a different experience altogether. If they are normal humans, we meow. We only talk to anima humans. My mom is an anima human, so she understands us. A lot of our anima humans talk to us. We like to bug the anima humans, who are let’s meow, “fresh off the hive”. Every time a new anima human passes by, we like to terrorize them saying things like, “Hey how’s it going, stupid?” One human knocked himself silly by walking into the streetlight post, we just laughed our tails off. Some say that they should ease up on the monster juice they drink, or the catnip that they sniff. Some are asking themselves if they are just plain crazy.
Yuuko: Can you tell us what a typical day looks like for you?
Ziggy: Noms. Nap. Fight bad things. Repeat. All in that order.
Yuuko: Has your work for your society ever brought you into contact with anyone who would be considered historically significant (world leaders, celebrities, scientists and engineers.)
Ziggy: We met Waffles. The first feline Templar to ever to be commissioned. Some say he’s the king of the Templars and the one who sired Prince Bigglesworth, Prince Albert and Princess Cookie. We also met Jessica Claus. Yup that’s right, the mate of Santa. She’s very nice, and very resourceful for an old lady. When we rescued her, she didn’t know that she was a Templar. She rewarded us very well with snuggles and kitty treats.
Yuuko: Have you ever seen an event reported in the media and known that it was a lie and if so can you tell us what really happened?
Ziggy: Not at me directly, but it happened to Min-ji. My friend. She infiltrated the Orochi Headquarters and found out a lot of interesting things about her breed and how the Orochi really messed up with her ancestors’ DNA. When she avenged them all, it was all over the media that it was her who bombed the Orochi building, and that everyone should stop at nothing to find her and kill her. Ha! Ha! Glorious day ever! Her picture was all over the goof tube! Now you humans think, oh we cats ruled the internet for far too long, but wait! Who would have thought to ever see the day that an anima cat would rule the entire media industry.
Yuuko: What was the last event you can remember that shook both the secret world and the mundane equally?
Ziggy: Chernobyl. Yup. Even though that it happened a long time ago, there are dogs who were left behind, and survived the cleansing, still call the exclusion zone their home. They will defend their territory to the last dog.
Yuuko: Have you ever participated in an event considered historically important to the mundane world and if so was it on behalf of your society
Ziggy: Yes. Meow a lot of humans know that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. But to cats it’s like Krampusnacht without Krampus. That’s when all the trees become possessed, and turn red, green and blue and purple, and sparkle with tinsel, and carry these little glass balls on their branches like they’re dead weights. We had a tree in our house just like it, and it was taken hostage by a possessed object disguised as an angel. So we battled rats, sugar plum fairies, gingerbread zombies who had really bad sugar withdrawal symptoms, little girl cutouts, who were the Gaki tried to kill us with their stares. We went through an army of nutcrackers and toy soldiers just to get to our enemy. That thing sure had a lot of minions. So by the time that we took down the enemy, the tree fell right down onto the floor on Christmas Day. It was a glorious event!
Yuuko: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us agent Ziggy.
Ziggy: *totally ignores the interviewer and nuzzles on the sofa for a nap.*

Yuuko: Could you please state your full name, date of birth, affiliation and rank.
Bunky: Yo, wassup meow, it’s your boy, Bunky2Bombs here, coming at ya with a Meow Mix dish of all my nine lives. Suckas! We’re gonna ruin the place
Ziggy: *rolls his eyes* Bunky2Bombs?
Bunky: Yeah bro, it’s for the ladies. Gotta nail it meow down on the first impression ya know? Anyway, I'm the Commander of Demolitions of the Royal Order of Felines Militant. Being a natural born destroyer, it’s like a gift from the feline gods, man. I was born about ohhh seven minutes after Ziggy.
Yukko: Can you tell us about your family?
Bunky: Well as all of you know, we have a human named Mom who serves us day and night. Ziggy’s my bro. Oksana is my little sis. Lox is my foster bro. And Trixie’s my adopted sis. One big happy family, yo!
Yuuko: Where did you grow up?
Bunky: Pretty much like my bro Ziggy meowed. We moved around a lot, and worked real hard to move up in the world with a domain of our own.
Yuuko: How would you describe your childhood?
Bunky: Childhood? Nahh, that’s for the humans. How would you describe your kittenhood? Meow that’s a question I can relate. Kittenhood for us was all about exploring the world and figuring out your own version of how the world works. Each and every one of us cats, have a separate idea. Usually ends up being the same crap in the litter box, but different piles. Most of us clearly remember our firsts. First meow, first steps, first climb, first pounce, first kill. At twenty one weeks old, I destroyed my first object off the kittening box.
Ziggy: What was it?
Bunky: Think it was one of those fake animals. It didn’t meow to me, man. Just stood there. Being all stupid. If you’re not gonna meow, get outta box! So I showed it the way.
Yuuko: How were you first introduced to the secret world?
Bunky: I was playing with my bro and sis in the park, and little did we know, the tree was an anima well. And all these Gaian bees came flying and swarming after us. I thought we would all be done for, man! And then after we came home, all these blue flames started shooting from our paws and every object caught the blue fire, and my first thought was, “Damn dude, this is awesome!” And then when we learned that we could actually understand each other, I meowed my first human word. Pizza. I had no idea why or what pizza was at the time. It just came right out of my meow.
Ziggy: And then some got right in your meow. Then you complain why you’re so fat.
Bunky: Shut up, Zigg! My mom fainted right on the spot. It was priceless, man!
Yuuko: Did you have any contact (either directly or indirectly) with your society before your powers awakened?
Bunky: Some of the cats we met while growing up, we didn’t even know that they were anima cats, you know what I’m meowing, until after we got the bees. Like George, Malcolm, Trixie and Phil, we knew each other before. They were already anima cats, before we were. I’m like ugh, dude, bro… what the nine hells is going on here? They all took the three of us under their paws and showed us the bare bones of the Secret World. We wouldn’t have made it where we are now if it weren’t for them.
Yuuko: Can you tell us what a typical day looks like for you?
Bunky: Eat. Sleep. Destroy stuff. Repeat.
Ziggy: More like eat everything in sight and then repeat, then sleep…
Bunky: Shut up! Shut the hell up, bro you had your interview!
Yuuko: Has your work for your society ever brought you into contact with anyone who would be considered historically significant (world leaders, celebrities, scientists and engineers.)
Bunky: Jac is my best dawg buddy in the whole wide world. He is my pal. He is a celebrity in his own right. Everybody loves him. We don’t get together much, because he’s got a human of his own to keep out of trouble. And when we do, it’s usually heisting his human’s sammiches, or the steak that he just cooked up especially for my boy Jac. He’s such a generous dog’s BFF.
Yuuko: Have you ever seen an event reported in the media and known that it was a lie and if so can you tell us what really happened?
Bunky: Aw yeah yeah, that hot dog stand that got bombed in New York a few years back? Yeah that was us! You don’t cook dogs, dudes! Not cool! Cooking up dogs is not cool! Get it?
Yuuko: What was the last event you can remember that shook both the secret world and the mundane equally?
Bunky: Chernobyl dude! Aw man, what a crapshow that was! I don’t know how those dogs do it but man, I gots much respect for dogs meow after meeting some of them. The one dog that stands out in my mind, is a little dude who goes by the name of Vlad. I dubbed him Little Vlad the Impaler, I’m serious. That dog gots some mad skills for a little dude like him. I saw him take down a golem, with one stomp of his power armour. He took down a bunch of enemies when his power armour when into self destruct mode. When that thing went boom, I was like holy cats, I thought he was done for. But when the smoke and dust finally cleared, here was little Vlad, still walking, and all covered head to tail in filth and ashes, man. No dog has ever made me more proud than him.
Yuuko: Have you ever participated in an event considered historically important to the mundane world and if so was it on behalf of your society
Bunky: Damn, man! Everything we do is for us, and for the good of the animal kingdom, not for society. Society is a human thing. We don’t care about the problems of humans. We got our own problems. Dogs got problems. Rats got problems. Squirrels got problems. A lot of all the animals’ problems are caused by the ones who are on top of the food chain. The humans. Like it or not dudes. If it weren’t for all the Filth and the Morninglight, and the Orochi, and all those other bad influences amongst us, a lot of us animals would still have homes and forever families today.
Yuuko: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us agent Bunky.
Bunky: *raises his paw* Peace, chaos and brotherhood to all my cat and dog homies! Live Love and Meow, all! *settles down on the couch as falls fast asleep*
Yuuko: Could you please state your full name, date of birth, affiliation and rank?
Trixie: *The Maine coon with traditional markings stretches out on the interviewing sofa. The length of this fully grown cat took up over half the sofa’s length. Thank the gods her fur was brushed before the interview.* ATTENTION!! Miaw lissen up! The name be Trixie. Sergeant-at-Paws, y’all! Lotta all them call me The Sarge! Y’all all know what that means? I’m the Keeper of Traditions. The Keeper of the Score. The Enforcer of the Laws of Nature. Anybody caught breakin’ the law, they gon’ be dealin’ with me. They gon’ be served up with a can of whoppins an’ then they gon’ be hauled off over yonder to the kennels. That means jail, the slammer, or the big house to you, darlin’. I got this here Hammer of Justice, that signifies my position. It is a sacred symbol of Tradition, Law, Truth and whenever it’s necessary, dispensin’ sum indiscriminatin’ Justice. *actually it looks like a golden baby rattle that squeaks*
Yukko: Can you tell us about your family?
Trixie: I was adopted and given a roof over ma’ head, and sum real good ole fashioned home cookin’ by ma’ Momma Janis. Miaw being from the South I woulda preferred beef, but I ain’t got no problem with chicken or fish. Being adopted gave me more than just a home, y’see? It gave me sum brothers and a sister too. Ziggy and Bunky are my brothers from another momma. And the white marshmella be my sis Oksana. Then after, Momma Janis took in a foster and his name is Lox. Another marshmella that looks like a bouncin’ snowball, y’all! With five of all of us in the same house, it does git a bit hairy. Either Ziggy and Bunky are playing, or Oksana and Lox are running up the halls, or Bunky and Oksana are fightin’, or Ziggy and Lox are buggin’ Bunky and Oksana. I’m the biggest cat in the family, so I always gotta be the ref, and the police in ma’ own dang house! A sarge’s work is never done, y’all. By day when I’m at home, Momma Janis got me an oversized tree perch yonder by the front door window to sun meself. The ringer dinger goes off at the door, I can open it and frisk fer ID on all the gentlemen that come a courtin’ fer ma’ Momma Janis. By the time I was fully grown, I couldn’t fit in any of the cat beds, so I get the special reserve spot, right at the foot of Momma Janis’ bed. I guard ma’ Momma Janis every night that way.
Yuuko: Where did you grow up?
Trixie: When I was a youngin, I lived in a barnyard somewhere in Georgia, along with seven siblings. We all looked alike, and we were inseparable. We were the light of every hoedown at the barnyard then. Every dern time the birds’re singin’, we all be noddin’ off our heads in synchronicity. The cows be moovin’ right along, the horses stompin’ with their hooves, the pigs went an oinkin’, the hen house was a cluckin’ away from dusk til dawn. Until at least one of them gets their head chopped off, and then they end up doin’ a new dance move called the bacon. I loved the farm. I loved the barnyard with all the different animals to party with when the farmer goes away for the day.
Yuuko: How would you describe your childhood?
Trixie: Ya mean kittenhood? Even though I had a lot of friends and siblings at the farm, my kittenhood was real tough pickle for survival. At the barn, mysterious incidents of senseless murders were happenin’. My siblings suddenly started disappearin’ one by one, by the day, until I was the only one left behind. The hens started losin’ their heads. The pigs were hangin’ on the rafters, skinned alive with their sides butchered out. The cows were slain. Dunno what happened to the horses, but they all disappeared right after poor Bessie was slaughtered beyond reckonin’ in the corral. All’s left were me an’ a stupid mutt fer a watchdog named Rex. With all the animals goin’ down to the wild blue yonder, the farmer stopped feedin’ whoever was left in the barnyard. There was suddenly no dang hay to keep all of us warm from the cold. So I took it upon meself to investigate, despite being so dang young. Investigatin’ a crime scene at this magnitude is really difficult when you’re so hungry. Every time I went near the dang house for a lil’ morsel of food I could find, the farmer would beat me with a stick until I was out of his line of sight. So I survived on catching mice in the barn, and stealin’ food when the farmer wasn’t lookin’. Eatin’ up just enough to keep ma’ brain clear and ma’ tummy from givin’ away my position. I investigated and pieced together the events that lead to the suspect.
Yuuko: How were you first introduced to the secret world?
Trixie: When I was investigatin’ the barnyard murders, I went up to the homestead to find any clues. There were nice flowers blooming over yonder on the front porch, the farmer always had them every year. When I sniffed around the yella flowers for clues, I met up with a bee. Not a bumble bee, nosiree, and it ain’t one of them worker type bees that just go on and drink up all the juices from the flower petals. This bee was different, I could sense it, my instincts were going off like a human stickin’ his fingers in a light socket. Buzz-buzz-buzz! That bee I met was golden, y’all, oh boy like the honey they make. Next thing I woke up in the barn, feelin’ totally different. Ma’ fur wasn’t as coarse as befer. I wasn’t hungry, even though I hadn’t eaten much. I wasn’t tired, even though I had a few short naps. But oh boy howdy did ma’ paws ever burn. And so did the barn… and the corral… and the machinery house. I headed fer the hills with all my might, and the bees who I met were lead in’ me to this column of golden light. And befer I knew where I was, I ended up in Agartha. I be like, “Why that lil’ buzzy varmint, what did he just git me into?” And suddenly I opened my eyes and I saw humans, and animals. I opened up ma’ ears to the sky, and I heard humans and animals talkin’ to each other like… they actually understood each other.
Yuuko: Did you have any contact (either directly or indirectly) with your society before your powers awakened?
Trixie: I didn’t meet Malcolm, Phil and George until I first sauntered right into London like I owned the dang place. Did you eva see the hoidy toidy swanky digs they got in that place? Yeehaw! That’s sum livin’ they do down there!
Yuuko: Can you tell us what a typical day looks like for you?
Trixie: Eat. Sleep. Guard the Royal Clowder. Bust criminals and book em, and throw them in the kennels. Maintain Law and Order in the Hall, and at home, I enforce Law and Order on my family. Nobody messes with the Sarge.
Yuuko: Has your work for your society ever brought you into contact with anyone who would be considered historically significant (world leaders, celebrities, scientists and engineers.)
Trixie: Miaw I ain’t one to be rubbin’ whiskers with the high and mighty, cuz some of them snobs’re often troublemakers for the small animal folk. Though it is part of ma jerb to keep Her Majesty and their Highnies, Prince Biggie and Al from gettin’ their nine lives from being gonners too soon. I did see Waffles, the first feline Templar. I fought alongside with a bunch a animals thousand times bigger than me. Shang-Lao and Zhou were one of those mighty catfolk with strange ways of fighting. Though I did meet Nefertari theYoungin, but I didn’t meet her predecessor the one and only Bast, so I guess Nefertari was the closest cat I’m gonna git.
Yuuko: Have you ever seen an event reported in the media and known that it was a lie and if so can you tell us what really happened?
Trixie: Oh boy howdy, imma gon’ tell ya what they DON’T report, honey! Them dang mediafolk are run by doggone monkeys, y’hear? All nuthin’ but see no evil, hear no evil, and doggone speak no dang evil! All the deforestation goin’ on in Romania, them poor animals losing everythin’ they doggone worked for, their homes destroyed, their food supply fer the winters destroyed, their families young and old have been left as roadkill on the dirt paths, they dun don’t report that!
Ziggy: Uh-oh! She’s on a roll!
Trixie: Every dang year and after year, we git calls to Madame Roget’s house in Kingsmouth, cuz the cats’re goin’ right honkin’ cuckoo nuts, over some sicko human with a punkin on his head! And them poor defenseless lil’ youngins Dolly, Ponch and Friday, gettin’ murdered by some psychopath, did they report that? Nosiree! Make me wanna find that no goodin’ sumbitch, and serve up a can of whoppins he never gon’ forget! Bind his highny in a potato sack and throw him in the goddern ocean. See how he gon’ like that can of whoppins! And the Franklin cats, we always git calls fer help there! Stupid Merrimac dunno when to stop gittin’ lost and endin’ up yonder where the dang filth mongers from the bog hang out! We find him, after beating up a bunch a bogfolk and lead the lost cat home to his brothers and Halsey! Next day, Merrimac goes off to the same spot again! I’m like, goshdernit, summin’ put a dang harness on that youngin befer I end up whoppin’ him all the way home!
Bunky: Damn dude she’s really on a roll!
Trixie: In New York, there were dogs being murdered and grounded up into sumthin’ unrecognizable called hot dogs. And then served as noms on a bun with ketchup, mustard, relish an’ onions! Sell it to otha humans to destroy the evidence once and fer all, and make sum doggone profit at the same time. Doggone sick, crafty bastards! They’re worse than the doggone humans in the Shadowy Forest who grind up ghouls to serve their folk. Sure they are a pain in the tail, but dangummits what in the Uncle Sam size Hell did they do to those humans? I dunno! So did the media monkeys report that? Nawsiree!
Lox: Yup she’s gonna blow!
Trixie: Yessiree y’all, Imma gon’ drop the hammer on all y’all no good dirty tailed, sunovamonkeyass filth who think they can take animals homes and turn them into their own cesspool of black mush! The Draug poisoned all the fish, we can’t eat none! The zombies ate all their human servants! They can’t feed us none! The Aten cultists tried to raise Spotankhamun from the underworld to wage war with Anubis! Sum kid with a biglynormous head in Kaiden won’t let us pee in the public litterbox! And I ain’t even gon’ go there what’s goin’ in South Africa right miaw! And doggonit, all y’all males need to stop harrassin’ up the females in public!
Bunky: Too late, bro. I think she already has.
Trixie: MARK MA MIAWS Y’ALL! When sumthin’ in the world ain’t right, it’s my constitutional right to protest or open up a can whoppins on them no gooders who break the law. Every animal’s got a dang rights to a home, some good noms and a right to live and breathe, y’all! LEAVE ALL THEM HOMES ALONE, Y’ALL! An’ all y’all males that always attempt to violate our space, stop tryna cross breed with all us femalefolk! Trust me y’all, y’all think imma just gon’ just lay there while ya gon’ have your way with me in the shrubs of Ealdwic Park? Nawsiree! Y’all gon’ git what’s comin’ to ya! I drop the hammer on yer sorry head!
Lox: Nana!
*Janis runs to the sofa with a bag of catnip, and starts to sprinkle some on Trixie’s head and the sofa. Trixie hissed and paws the catnip dust away. She still continues to raise hell.*
Trixie: FEMALEFOLK ARE EQUAL! We female folk are just as capable of doing the same jerb as the males! Git that nip outta ma face Momma Janis! *sneezes* I ain’t gon sit ‘ere and watch all the animals fade away yonder into dust y’all! *sneezes* IT’S TIME FER ALL THE ANIMALS TO TAKE A STAND! Errr… an’... dangummins y’all… let out… them dawgs… of war… y’all… *Trixie finally mellows out for a little nap. Catnip everywhere.*

A few hours later… after Trixie wakes up.

Yuuko: What was the last event you can remember that shook both the secret world and the mundane equally?
Trixie: Chernobyl’s a real hootenanny, if ya got the stomach fer it. Ugh! You should have seen all them vicious criminals that I had to take to the slammer! Man, them criminals don’t joke around y’all! I mean those knuckleheads ain’t nuthin’ but trouble fer the dogs. Ain’t kiddin’! They’s got no head, and they all flew around like jellafish doin’ the bacon on a hot barbecue! Imma tell y’all that if I had to git ma’ tail an’ dun do it all over again, I’d head fer the hills, and come back fer more, y’all!
Yuuko: Have you ever participated in an event considered historically important to the mundane world and if so was it on behalf of your society
Trixie: Well shoot fire, everythin’ we do is good for the society. All the lil’ youngins we see in the shelters, we find them good lovin’ homes. Sum humans really help with that, at least sumbody on top of the food chain’s got sum sense in their doggone heads. Everywhere we go, we always keep our eyes peeled and ears pointing up to the wild blue yonder. That’s where we always git all the good missions from. Y’all never know what’s gonna come from above and land straight at yer paws!
Yuuko: Thank you for taking the time to speak with us agent Trixie.
Trixie: Much oblige, an’ ‘memba all y’all youngins watchin’ at home, just say naw! Everybody knows that crime don’t pay y’all!
-End of file-