Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

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1
00:00:37,585 --> 00:00:41,771
[wind howling]

2
00:00:41,839 --> 00:00:44,574
[man narrating] For more
than a year, ominous rumors...

3
00:00:44,642 --> 00:00:48,612
had been privately circulating
among high-level western leaders...

4
00:00:48,679 --> 00:00:52,582
That the soviet union had been at
work on what was darkly hinted to be...

5
00:00:52,650 --> 00:00:56,387
The ultimate weapon, a doomsday device.

6
00:00:56,454 --> 00:01:00,391
Intelligence sources traced the site
of the top-secret russian project...

7
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:04,428
To the perpetually fog-shrouded
wasteland below the arctic peaks...

8
00:01:04,496 --> 00:01:06,463
Of the Zhokhov islands.

9
00:01:06,531 --> 00:01:09,466
What they were building, or
why it should be located...

10
00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:14,438
In such a remote and desolate
place, no one could say.

11
00:03:11,989 --> 00:03:15,292
[jet engine roaring]

12
00:03:33,811 --> 00:03:39,483
<i>[machines clicking]
[phone beeping]</i>

13
00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:47,957
General Ripper, sir.
Group captain Mandrake speaking.

14
00:03:48,025 --> 00:03:51,195
This is general Ripper speaking.
Yes, sir.

15
00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:54,731
- Do you recognize my voice?
- I do, sir. Why?

16
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:57,601
- Why do you think?
- I don't know, sir.

17
00:03:57,669 --> 00:04:00,270
We spoke a few moments ago
on the phone, didn't we?

18
00:04:00,338 --> 00:04:05,609
You don't think I'd ask unless it
was pretty damned important, do you?

19
00:04:05,677 --> 00:04:09,379
No, I don't, sir. Let's see
if we can stay on the ball.

20
00:04:09,447 --> 00:04:12,849
Has the wing confirmed holding
at their fail-safe points?

21
00:04:12,917 --> 00:04:15,785
Yes, sir. The confirmations
have just come in.

22
00:04:15,853 --> 00:04:19,623
Very well. Now, listen to me carefully.

23
00:04:19,691 --> 00:04:22,426
The base is being put on condition red.

24
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:24,661
I want this flashed to
all sections immediately.

25
00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:28,064
Condition red. Jolly good.
Keeps the men on their toes.

26
00:04:28,132 --> 00:04:33,337
- Group captain, I'm afraid this is not an exercise.
- Not an exercise, sir?

27
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:37,574
I shouldn't tell you this,
Mandrake, but you're a good officer.

28
00:04:37,642 --> 00:04:41,645
You have a right to know. It
looks like we're in a shooting war.

29
00:04:41,713 --> 00:04:46,350
Oh, hell. Are the
russians involved, sir?

30
00:04:46,417 --> 00:04:49,286
That's all I've been told.
It came in on the red phone.

31
00:04:49,354 --> 00:04:53,490
My orders are for this base to be
sealed tight. That's what I mean to do.

32
00:04:53,558 --> 00:04:57,127
Now, I want you to transmit plan R.

33
00:04:57,194 --> 00:04:59,129
R for robert, to the wing.

34
00:04:59,196 --> 00:05:02,599
Plan r for robert.
Is it that bad, sir?

35
00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:05,168
It's pretty hairy.
Yes, sir.

36
00:05:05,236 --> 00:05:07,271
Plan r for robert, sir.

37
00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:10,641
Now, last and possibly most important,

38
00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:14,311
I want all privately owned radios
to be immediately impounded.

39
00:05:14,379 --> 00:05:18,982
They might be used to issue
instructions to saboteurs.

40
00:05:19,049 --> 00:05:22,152
As I previously arranged, air
police will have lists of all owners.

41
00:05:22,219 --> 00:05:26,256
I want every one collected
without exception. Yes, sir.

42
00:05:26,324 --> 00:05:28,392
After you've done
that, report back to me.

43
00:05:30,828 --> 00:05:34,030
[wind howling]

44
00:05:34,098 --> 00:05:38,568
[alarm blaring]

45
00:05:48,078 --> 00:05:51,047
[alarm continues]

46
00:05:54,452 --> 00:05:58,154
[narrator] in order to guard
against surprise nuclear attack,

47
00:05:58,222 --> 00:06:03,493
America's strategic air command
maintains a large force of b-52 bombers...

48
00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:05,895
Airborne 24 hours a day.

49
00:06:05,963 --> 00:06:10,834
Each b-52 can deliver a nuclear
bomb load of 50 megatons,

50
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:15,905
Equal to 16 times the total explosive
force of all the bombs and shells...

51
00:06:15,973 --> 00:06:20,711
Used by all the armies in World War II.

52
00:06:20,778 --> 00:06:23,747
Based in america, the airborne
alert force is deployed...

53
00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:26,717
From the persian gulf
to the arctic ocean.

54
00:06:26,784 --> 00:06:29,519
But they have one
geographical factor in common.

55
00:06:29,587 --> 00:06:33,590
They are all two hours from
their targets inside russia.

56
00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:23,807
[beeping]

57
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,876
[clicking]

58
00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:56,773
Major kong, I know you'll
think this is crazy,

59
00:07:56,841 --> 00:08:00,844
But I just got a message
from base over the c.R.M. 114.

60
00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:02,946
It decodes as wing attack plan r.

61
00:08:03,013 --> 00:08:06,683
R for romeo.

62
00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:12,722
Goldie, did you say wing attack plan r?

63
00:08:12,790 --> 00:08:15,358
Yes, sir, I have.

64
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:21,531
Goldie, how many times
have I told you guys...

65
00:08:21,599 --> 00:08:24,701
I don't want horsin'
around on the airplane?

66
00:08:24,769 --> 00:08:27,170
I'm not horsing around,
sir. That's how it decodes.

67
00:08:27,237 --> 00:08:30,907
I've been to one world
fair, a picnic and a rodeo,

68
00:08:30,975 --> 00:08:33,777
<i>And that's the stupidest
thing I heard over earphones.</i>

69
00:08:33,845 --> 00:08:35,779
You sure you got today's code?

70
00:08:35,847 --> 00:08:38,348
Yes, sir, it is.

71
00:08:38,415 --> 00:08:40,984
There's just gotta be somethin' wrong.

72
00:08:41,051 --> 00:08:43,453
Wait a second. I'm comin' back.

73
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:21,691
Maybe you'd better get
a confirmation from base.

74
00:09:21,759 --> 00:09:24,060
Yes, sir.

75
00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:46,783
Major kong, is it possible this
is some kind of loyalty test?

76
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:50,554
You know, give the go code and then
recall to see who would actually go?

77
00:09:50,621 --> 00:09:54,925
Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet.

78
00:09:54,992 --> 00:09:57,226
Old Ripper wouldn't
be givin' us plan r...

79
00:09:57,294 --> 00:09:59,796
Unless them ruskies had
already clobbered washington...

80
00:09:59,864 --> 00:10:02,599
And a lot of other towns
with a sneak attack.

81
00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:06,202
- Yes, sir.
- Major kong, message from base confirmed.

82
00:10:11,042 --> 00:10:14,444
Well, boys, I reckon this is it.

83
00:10:14,511 --> 00:10:19,282
Nuclear combat toe-to-toe
with the ruskies.

84
00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:37,533
Now, look, boys, I ain't much
of a hand at makin' speeches.

85
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:42,371
But I got a fair idea that
something doggone important...

86
00:10:42,439 --> 00:10:45,041
Is goin' on back there.

87
00:10:45,109 --> 00:10:48,377
I got a fair idea of the kind
of personal emotions that...

88
00:10:48,445 --> 00:10:52,115
Some of you fellows may be thinkin'.

89
00:10:52,182 --> 00:10:54,718
Heck, I reckon you
wouldn't be human beings...

90
00:10:54,785 --> 00:10:59,355
If you didn't have pretty strong
personal feelin's about nuclear combat.

91
00:10:59,423 --> 00:11:02,492
But I want you to remember one thing.

92
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,261
The folks back home is countin' on ya.

93
00:11:05,329 --> 00:11:09,065
By golly, we ain't
about to let 'em down.

94
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:12,002
Tell ya somethin' else.

95
00:11:12,069 --> 00:11:16,873
If this thing turns out to be half
as important as I figure it might be,

96
00:11:16,941 --> 00:11:21,377
I'd say you're all in line for
some important promotions...

97
00:11:21,445 --> 00:11:24,814
And personal citations
when this thing's over.

98
00:11:24,882 --> 00:11:27,784
That goes for every last one of ya,

99
00:11:27,852 --> 00:11:31,655
Regardless of your race,
color or your creed.

100
00:11:31,722 --> 00:11:35,224
Now let's get this thing on the
hump. We got some flyin' to do.

101
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:45,501
[phone ringing]

102
00:11:46,937 --> 00:11:51,141
[ringing continues]
buck, should I get it?

103
00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:53,777
<i>[man] yeah, you'll have to.</i>

104
00:11:53,844 --> 00:11:55,845
[clicks]

105
00:11:58,883 --> 00:12:02,451
Hello? Yes, general Turgidson is here,

106
00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:05,521
But he can't come to
the phone at the moment.

107
00:12:05,589 --> 00:12:08,892
This is his secretary miss scott.

108
00:12:08,959 --> 00:12:13,529
Freddie, how are you? Fine. And you?

109
00:12:13,597 --> 00:12:18,301
We were just catching up on
some of the general's paperwork.

110
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:21,637
Freddie, he's very
tied up at the moment.

111
00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:25,308
I'm afraid he can't come to
the phone. Just a minute.

112
00:12:25,375 --> 00:12:28,912
General Turgidson,
colonel puntrich calling.

113
00:12:28,979 --> 00:12:34,851
<i>Tell him to call back. The general
says could you call back in a minute?</i>

114
00:12:34,919 --> 00:12:37,486
He says it can't wait!

115
00:12:37,554 --> 00:12:41,057
<i>Aw, for pete's-- find
out what he wants.</i>

116
00:12:41,125 --> 00:12:45,095
Freddie, the general is in
the powder room right now.

117
00:12:45,162 --> 00:12:48,631
Could you tell me what it's about?

118
00:12:48,699 --> 00:12:52,936
Just a second. Apparently they monitored
a transmission eight minutes ago...

119
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:56,106
From burpelson air force base.

120
00:12:56,173 --> 00:13:02,078
Right. It was directed to the
843rd bomb wing on airborne alert.

121
00:13:03,513 --> 00:13:07,683
It decoded as wing attack plan r.

122
00:13:07,752 --> 00:13:13,022
<i>Well, uh, tell him to call
what's-his-name, base commander Ripper.</i>

123
00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:15,058
<i>Do I have to think of everything?</i>

124
00:13:15,126 --> 00:13:19,829
The general suggests you call general
Ripper, the 843rd base commander.

125
00:13:19,897 --> 00:13:23,166
Oh. All communications are dead!

126
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:26,669
<i>Bull! Tell him to do it himself.</i>

127
00:13:26,737 --> 00:13:31,641
Freddie, the general asks if you
could possibly try again yourself.

128
00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:36,379
I see. He says he's tried personally
several times, but everything is dead.

129
00:13:36,446 --> 00:13:40,616
Even the normal phone
lines are shut down.

130
00:13:41,618 --> 00:13:46,355
[sighs, mutters]

131
00:13:46,423 --> 00:13:50,726
Fred? Buck. What's it look like?

132
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:56,032
Yeah. Well, are you sure it's plan r?

133
00:13:57,935 --> 00:14:02,172
Huh? What's cooking on
the threat board? Nothing!

134
00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:05,574
Nothing at all?

135
00:14:05,642 --> 00:14:09,212
I don't like the look of this, fred.

136
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,948
Tell you what you better do, old buddy.

137
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:15,551
Give elmo and charlie a blast and
bump everything up to condition red.

138
00:14:15,619 --> 00:14:17,854
Stand by the blower.
I'll get back to you.

139
00:14:17,922 --> 00:14:21,024
What's up? Nothing.

140
00:14:21,091 --> 00:14:25,028
Where's my shorts? On the
floor. Where are you going?

141
00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:29,966
No place. I thought I might
mosey over to the war room...

142
00:14:30,034 --> 00:14:32,168
For a few minutes to see
what's doing over there.

143
00:14:32,236 --> 00:14:35,338
It's 3:00 in the morning.
The air force never sleeps.

144
00:14:35,405 --> 00:14:40,043
Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either.

145
00:14:41,578 --> 00:14:44,881
I know how it is, baby.

146
00:14:44,949 --> 00:14:47,783
Tell you what you do.

147
00:14:47,852 --> 00:14:53,323
You just start your countdown, and old
bucky will be back here before you can say,

148
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:55,624
"blastoff!"

149
00:14:55,692 --> 00:15:00,964
[Ripper over P.A. System] your commie has
no regard for human life, not even his own.

150
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:04,968
For this reason, men, I
want to impress upon you...

151
00:15:05,035 --> 00:15:09,038
The need for extreme watchfulness.

152
00:15:09,106 --> 00:15:12,575
The enemy may come individually
or he may come in strength.

153
00:15:12,642 --> 00:15:14,911
He may even come in the
uniform of our own troops.

154
00:15:14,979 --> 00:15:18,614
But however he comes, we must stop him.

155
00:15:18,682 --> 00:15:22,318
We must not allow him to
gain entrance to this base.

156
00:15:22,386 --> 00:15:26,890
Now, I am going to give
you three simple rules.

157
00:15:26,957 --> 00:15:29,225
First, trust no one,

158
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:33,763
Whatever his uniform or rank,
unless he is known to you personally.

159
00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:37,400
<i>Second, anyone or
anything that approaches...</i>

160
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:41,737
Within 200 yards of the
perimeter is to be fired upon.

161
00:15:41,805 --> 00:15:46,742
Third, if in doubt, shoot first
and ask questions afterward.

162
00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:51,547
[clicking stops] I would sooner accept
a few casualties through accident,

163
00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:55,551
Than lose the entire base and its
personnel through carelessness.

164
00:15:55,619 --> 00:16:00,356
Any variation on these rules
must come from me personally.

165
00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:03,393
Now, men, in conclusion,

166
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:07,496
I would like to say
that in the two years...

167
00:16:07,564 --> 00:16:11,467
It has been my privilege to
be your commanding officer,

168
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:14,503
I have always expected
the best from you.

169
00:16:14,571 --> 00:16:18,674
You have never given me anything
less than that. ♪ [swing]

170
00:16:18,742 --> 00:16:22,912
Today the nation is counting
on us. ♪ [volume increases]

171
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:25,548
We are not going to let them down.

172
00:16:25,615 --> 00:16:27,650
Good luck to you all.

173
00:16:57,781 --> 00:17:01,317
Here's the attack profile, sir.

174
00:17:28,078 --> 00:17:30,679
This is your attack profile.

175
00:17:30,747 --> 00:17:33,949
"to ensure that the enemy cannot
monitor voice transmission...

176
00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:38,654
"or plant false transmission,
the c.R.M. 114...

177
00:17:38,722 --> 00:17:41,391
"is to be switched into
all receiver circuits.

178
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:47,130
"the emergency base code prefix is
to be set on the dials of the c.R.M.

179
00:17:47,197 --> 00:17:52,035
"this will block any transmission other
than those preceded by a code prefix.

180
00:17:52,102 --> 00:17:55,771
Stand by to set code prefix."

181
00:17:55,839 --> 00:18:00,209
- Roger. Ready to set code prefix.
- "set code prefix."

182
00:18:00,277 --> 00:18:03,112
[clicking]

183
00:18:09,219 --> 00:18:11,220
Code prefix set.

184
00:18:11,288 --> 00:18:12,988
"lock code prefix."

185
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:17,060
Code prefix locked.

186
00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:20,629
"switch all receiver circuits
to c.R.M. Discriminators."

187
00:18:20,697 --> 00:18:25,068
All circuits switched
to c.R.M. Discriminators.

188
00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:27,002
"check auto destruct circuits."

189
00:18:27,071 --> 00:18:29,072
[clicking] [alarm blaring]

190
00:18:29,139 --> 00:18:32,275
Auto destruct circuits checked.

191
00:18:37,614 --> 00:18:42,051
"primary target: The
I.C.B.M. Complex at laputa.

192
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:46,322
"target reference: Yankee, golf, tango,

193
00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,824
"three, six, zero.

194
00:18:48,892 --> 00:18:54,663
"30 megaton nuclear device fused
for air burst at 10,000 feet.

195
00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:59,368
"20 megaton nuclear device will
be used if first malfunctions.

196
00:18:59,436 --> 00:19:01,971
"otherwise, proceed to secondary target:

197
00:19:02,038 --> 00:19:06,742
"missile complex seven
miles east of borchov.

198
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:10,079
"target reference:
November, bravo, x-ray,

199
00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:12,748
"one, zero, eight.

200
00:19:12,816 --> 00:19:17,987
Fused air burst at 10--"
check-- "12,000 feet."

201
00:19:18,054 --> 00:19:21,458
<i>♪ [continues]</i>

202
00:19:21,525 --> 00:19:29,199
♪

203
00:19:29,266 --> 00:19:33,169
Excuse me, sir. Something rather
interesting has just cropped up.

204
00:19:33,237 --> 00:19:36,239
Listen to that. Music.
Civilian broadcasting.

205
00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:38,941
I think those fellows in the pentagon...

206
00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:42,011
Have given us some sort of
exercise to test our readiness.

207
00:19:42,079 --> 00:19:44,180
Personally, I think it's
taking things a bit too far.

208
00:19:44,248 --> 00:19:47,517
Our fellows will be inside russian
radar cover in about 20 minutes.

209
00:19:47,585 --> 00:19:52,155
Listen to that. Full of
stations all churning it out.

210
00:19:52,223 --> 00:19:54,157
Mandrake? Yes, sir.

211
00:19:54,225 --> 00:19:57,527
I issued instructions for
all radios to be impounded.

212
00:19:57,595 --> 00:20:01,897
I was in the process of impounding this
very one when I happened to switch it on.

213
00:20:01,965 --> 00:20:05,868
I thought, our fellows hitting russian radar
in 20 minutes, dropping all their stuff.

214
00:20:05,936 --> 00:20:10,072
I'd better tell you, because
if they do, it'll cause a stink.

215
00:20:10,141 --> 00:20:13,976
Group captain, the
officer exchange program...

216
00:20:14,044 --> 00:20:17,980
Does not give you any special
prerogatives to question my orders.

217
00:20:18,048 --> 00:20:22,252
I realize that, sir, but I thought
you'd be pleased to hear the news.

218
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:25,388
After all, let's face it.

219
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:30,026
We don't want to start a nuclear
war unless we have to, do we?

220
00:20:30,093 --> 00:20:32,695
Please, sit down. And
turn that thing off.

221
00:20:32,763 --> 00:20:34,897
[music off] yes, sir.

222
00:20:34,965 --> 00:20:39,902
What about the planes, sir? Surely we
must issue the recall code immediately.

223
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:42,838
The planes are not going to be recalled.

224
00:20:42,906 --> 00:20:47,710
My attack orders have been
issued, and the orders stand.

225
00:20:47,778 --> 00:20:49,712
If you'll excuse me for saying so, sir,

226
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,148
That would be to my way
of thinking rather...

227
00:20:52,216 --> 00:20:54,584
An odd way of looking at it.

228
00:20:54,652 --> 00:20:56,819
If a russian attack was in progress,

229
00:20:56,887 --> 00:21:00,623
We would certainly not be
hearing civilian broadcasting.

230
00:21:00,691 --> 00:21:03,726
Are you certain? I'm
absolutely positive.

231
00:21:03,794 --> 00:21:08,331
What if it is true? I'm afraid
I'm still not with you, sir.

232
00:21:08,399 --> 00:21:11,033
Because,
I mean--

233
00:21:11,101 --> 00:21:13,369
If a russian attack was not in progress,

234
00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:19,141
Then your use of plan r, in fact,
your orders to the entire wing--

235
00:21:22,079 --> 00:21:26,082
Well, I would say, sir,

236
00:21:26,149 --> 00:21:31,087
That there was something
dreadfully wrong somewhere.

237
00:21:31,154 --> 00:21:34,090
Why don't you take it
easy, group captain?

238
00:21:34,157 --> 00:21:37,227
Please make me a drink of
grain alcohol and rainwater,

239
00:21:37,294 --> 00:21:40,496
And help yourself to
whatever you'd like.

240
00:21:46,270 --> 00:21:48,304
<i>[heels click]</i>

241
00:21:48,372 --> 00:21:52,442
General Ripper, sir, as an
officer in her majesty's air force,

242
00:21:52,509 --> 00:21:55,911
It is my clear duty under
the present circumstances...

243
00:21:55,979 --> 00:22:00,683
To issue the recall code upon my own
authority and bring back the wing.

244
00:22:00,751 --> 00:22:02,985
If you'll excuse me, sir.

245
00:22:09,727 --> 00:22:14,230
I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you
for the key and the recall code.

246
00:22:14,298 --> 00:22:16,232
Have you got them handy, sir?

247
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:18,701
I told you to take it
easy, group captain.

248
00:22:18,769 --> 00:22:21,404
There's nothing anybody
can do about this thing now.

249
00:22:21,472 --> 00:22:23,906
I'm the only person who knows
the three-letter code group.

250
00:22:23,974 --> 00:22:27,644
Then I must insist, sir,
that you give them to me.

251
00:22:34,685 --> 00:22:39,589
Do I take it, sir, that you are
threatening a brother officer with a gun?

252
00:22:40,824 --> 00:22:46,095
Mandrake, I suppose it
never occurred to you...

253
00:22:46,163 --> 00:22:49,699
That while we're chatting
here so enjoyably,

254
00:22:49,767 --> 00:22:53,536
A decision is being
made by the president...

255
00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:56,773
And the joint chiefs in the
war room at the pentagon.

256
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,575
When they realize...

257
00:22:59,643 --> 00:23:03,045
There is no possibility
of recalling the wing,

258
00:23:03,113 --> 00:23:07,883
There will be only one
course of action open.

259
00:23:07,951 --> 00:23:10,653
Total commitment.

260
00:23:12,055 --> 00:23:17,593
Mandrake, do you recall what
clemenceau once said about war?

261
00:23:17,661 --> 00:23:20,830
<i>Uh, no, I don't think I do, sir. No.</i>

262
00:23:22,199 --> 00:23:25,234
He said war was too important
to be left to the generals.

263
00:23:25,302 --> 00:23:29,905
When he said that 50 years ago,

264
00:23:29,973 --> 00:23:32,975
He might have been right.

265
00:23:33,043 --> 00:23:38,848
But, today, war is too important
to be left to politicians.

266
00:23:38,915 --> 00:23:43,419
They have neither the
time, the training...

267
00:23:43,487 --> 00:23:47,457
Nor the inclination
for strategic thought.

268
00:23:50,093 --> 00:23:53,763
I can no longer sit back and allow...

269
00:23:53,831 --> 00:23:58,901
Communist infiltration,
communist indoctrination,

270
00:23:58,969 --> 00:24:01,904
Communist subversion...

271
00:24:01,972 --> 00:24:06,008
And the international
communist conspiracy...

272
00:24:06,076 --> 00:24:11,614
To sap and impurify all of
our precious bodily fluids.

273
00:24:17,721 --> 00:24:19,989
Staines, is everybody here?

274
00:24:20,056 --> 00:24:22,625
Mr. President, the secretary
of state is in vietnam.

275
00:24:22,693 --> 00:24:26,629
The secretary of defense is in laos,
and the vice president is in mexico city.

276
00:24:26,697 --> 00:24:29,965
We can establish contact with
them at anytime, if it's necessary.

277
00:24:30,033 --> 00:24:32,835
The undersecretaries
are all here. Right.

278
00:24:32,903 --> 00:24:34,837
General Turgidson, what's going on?

279
00:24:34,905 --> 00:24:39,008
[clears throat] Mr. President,

280
00:24:39,075 --> 00:24:42,645
About 35 minutes ago,

281
00:24:42,713 --> 00:24:46,849
General Jack Ripper, the
commanding general of, uh,

282
00:24:46,917 --> 00:24:49,351
Burpelson air force base,

283
00:24:49,420 --> 00:24:52,588
Issued an order to the
34 b-52s of his wing,

284
00:24:52,656 --> 00:24:55,024
<i>Which were airborne at the time,</i>

285
00:24:55,091 --> 00:24:58,994
<i>As part of a special exercise we were
holding called operation dropkick.</i>

286
00:24:59,062 --> 00:25:03,833
It appears that the order
called for the planes...

287
00:25:03,901 --> 00:25:07,202
To attack their targets inside russia.

288
00:25:07,270 --> 00:25:11,507
<i>[group murmuring] the planes are
fully armed with nuclear weapons...</i>

289
00:25:11,575 --> 00:25:15,144
<i>With an average load
of 40 megatons each.</i>

290
00:25:15,211 --> 00:25:21,083
The central display of russia will
indicate the position of the planes.

291
00:25:21,151 --> 00:25:24,654
The triangles are their primary targets.

292
00:25:24,721 --> 00:25:28,558
The squares are their secondary targets.

293
00:25:28,625 --> 00:25:31,994
The aircraft will begin
penetrating russian radar cover...

294
00:25:32,062 --> 00:25:34,730
Within, uh, 25 minutes.

295
00:25:34,798 --> 00:25:38,734
General Turgidson, I find this
very difficult to understand.

296
00:25:38,802 --> 00:25:42,204
I was under the impression that
I was the only one in authority...

297
00:25:42,272 --> 00:25:44,540
To order the use of nuclear weapons.

298
00:25:44,608 --> 00:25:47,409
Uh, that's right, sir.

299
00:25:47,478 --> 00:25:49,846
You are the only person
authorized to do so.

300
00:25:49,913 --> 00:25:54,249
Although I hate to judge
before all the facts are in,

301
00:25:54,317 --> 00:25:57,887
It's beginning to look like general
Ripper exceeded his authority.

302
00:25:57,955 --> 00:26:03,092
It certainly does. Far beyond the
point I would have imagined possible.

303
00:26:03,159 --> 00:26:06,496
Perhaps you're forgetting
the provisions of plan r, sir.

304
00:26:06,563 --> 00:26:09,431
Plan r?

305
00:26:09,500 --> 00:26:13,469
Plan r is an emergency war plan,

306
00:26:13,537 --> 00:26:15,972
In which a lower echelon
commander may order...

307
00:26:16,039 --> 00:26:19,308
Nuclear retaliation
after a sneak attack,

308
00:26:19,376 --> 00:26:22,912
If the normal chain of
command has been disrupted.

309
00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:25,748
You approved it, sir. You must remember.

310
00:26:25,816 --> 00:26:29,752
<i>Surely you must recall,
sir, when senator beaufort...</i>

311
00:26:29,820 --> 00:26:34,223
<i>Made that big hassle about our
deterrent lacking credibility.</i>

312
00:26:34,290 --> 00:26:39,161
The idea was for plan r to be
a sort of retaliatory safeguard.

313
00:26:39,229 --> 00:26:41,597
A safeguard?

314
00:26:41,665 --> 00:26:44,400
I admit the human element
seems to have failed us here.

315
00:26:44,467 --> 00:26:47,937
But the idea was to discourage
the ruskies from any hope...

316
00:26:48,005 --> 00:26:50,472
That they could knock out
washington-- and yourself, sir--

317
00:26:50,541 --> 00:26:52,942
As part of a general sneak attack...

318
00:26:53,010 --> 00:26:56,946
And escape retaliation because of
lack of proper command and control.

319
00:26:57,014 --> 00:27:01,651
I assume the planes will return automatically
once they reach their fail-safe points?

320
00:27:01,718 --> 00:27:07,322
I'm afraid not. The planes were
holding at their fail-safe points...

321
00:27:07,390 --> 00:27:09,391
When the go code was issued.

322
00:27:09,459 --> 00:27:13,930
Once they fly beyond fail-safe, they do
not require a second order to proceed.

323
00:27:13,997 --> 00:27:15,965
They will continue until
they reach their targets.

324
00:27:16,033 --> 00:27:19,101
Why haven't you radioed the planes,
countermandering the go code?

325
00:27:19,169 --> 00:27:23,973
Well, I'm afraid we're unable to
communicate with any of the aircraft.

326
00:27:24,041 --> 00:27:28,510
Why? As you may recall,
sir-- [clears throat]

327
00:27:28,579 --> 00:27:32,314
One of the provisions
of plan r provides...

328
00:27:32,382 --> 00:27:36,953
That once the go code is received,

329
00:27:37,020 --> 00:27:40,656
The normal s.S.B.
Radios in the aircraft...

330
00:27:40,724 --> 00:27:43,258
Are switched into a
special coded device,

331
00:27:43,326 --> 00:27:46,328
Which, I believe, is
designated as c.R.M. 114.

332
00:27:46,396 --> 00:27:50,499
In order to prevent the enemy from
issuing fake or confusing orders,

333
00:27:50,567 --> 00:27:54,604
C.R.M. 114 is designed
not to receive at all,

334
00:27:54,671 --> 00:28:00,109
Unless the message is proceeded by the
correct three-letter code group prefix.

335
00:28:00,176 --> 00:28:05,781
Do you mean to tell me, general Turgidson,
you will be unable to recall the aircraft?

336
00:28:05,849 --> 00:28:09,418
That's the size of it. However, we
are plowing through every possible...

337
00:28:09,486 --> 00:28:11,520
Three-letter combination of the code.

338
00:28:11,588 --> 00:28:16,859
But since there are 17,000 permutations,

339
00:28:16,927 --> 00:28:20,462
It's going to take us about
two-and-a-half days to transmit them all.

340
00:28:20,530 --> 00:28:23,265
How soon did you say the planes
would penetrate russian radar cover?

341
00:28:23,333 --> 00:28:25,300
About 18 minutes from now.

342
00:28:25,368 --> 00:28:28,403
- Are you in contact with general Ripper?
- No, sir.

343
00:28:28,471 --> 00:28:31,841
General Ripper sealed off the
base and cut off communications.

344
00:28:31,908 --> 00:28:33,542
Where did you get this information?

345
00:28:33,610 --> 00:28:37,346
General Ripper called strategic
air command headquarters...

346
00:28:37,413 --> 00:28:39,849
Shortly after he issued the go code.

347
00:28:39,916 --> 00:28:42,685
I have a portion of the
transcript of that conversation,

348
00:28:42,753 --> 00:28:46,188
<i>If you'd like me to read it. Read it.</i>

349
00:28:46,256 --> 00:28:49,959
[coughs] the duty officer
asked general Ripper...

350
00:28:50,027 --> 00:28:53,262
To confirm the fact that he had
issued the go code, and he said,

351
00:28:53,329 --> 00:28:58,600
"yes, gentlemen, they are on their
way in and no one can bring them back.

352
00:28:58,669 --> 00:29:01,570
<i>"for the sake of our
country and our way of life,</i>

353
00:29:01,638 --> 00:29:04,206
<i>"I suggest you get the
rest of sac in after them.</i>

354
00:29:04,274 --> 00:29:09,178
"otherwise we will be totally
destroyed by red retaliation.

355
00:29:09,245 --> 00:29:14,684
"my boys will give you the best
kind of start: 1,400 megatons worth.

356
00:29:14,751 --> 00:29:18,187
"and you sure as hell
won't stop them now.

357
00:29:18,254 --> 00:29:21,256
<i>"so let's get going.
There's no other choice.</i>

358
00:29:21,324 --> 00:29:24,493
<i>"god willing, we will prevail...</i>

359
00:29:24,561 --> 00:29:27,063
<i>"in peace and freedom from fear...</i>

360
00:29:27,130 --> 00:29:29,498
"and in true health
through the purity...

361
00:29:29,566 --> 00:29:33,468
"and essence of our natural...

362
00:29:33,536 --> 00:29:35,971
"fluids.

363
00:29:36,039 --> 00:29:38,874
God bless you all."

364
00:29:39,876 --> 00:29:42,544
Then he hung up.

365
00:29:42,612 --> 00:29:46,315
<i>We're still trying to figure out
the meaning of that last phrase, sir.</i>

366
00:29:46,382 --> 00:29:50,619
There's nothing to figure out.
This man is obviously a psychotic.

367
00:29:50,687 --> 00:29:55,791
I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing
like that until all the facts were in.

368
00:29:55,859 --> 00:30:00,529
General Turgidson, when you
instituted the human reliability tests,

369
00:30:00,597 --> 00:30:04,499
You assured me there was no possibility
of such a thing ever occurring.

370
00:30:06,036 --> 00:30:10,606
I don't think it's fair to
condemn a whole program...

371
00:30:10,673 --> 00:30:13,242
Because of a single slipup, sir.

372
00:30:13,309 --> 00:30:15,811
I want to speak to general Ripper
on the telephone personally.

373
00:30:15,879 --> 00:30:17,446
That's impossible.

374
00:30:17,513 --> 00:30:21,416
General Turgidson, I am becoming
less and less interested...

375
00:30:21,484 --> 00:30:25,354
In your estimates of what
is possible and impossible.

376
00:30:25,421 --> 00:30:28,690
[president] general faceman. Yes, sir?

377
00:30:28,759 --> 00:30:31,326
Are there any army units
stationed near burpelson?

378
00:30:31,394 --> 00:30:34,964
I'll just check, sir.

379
00:30:35,031 --> 00:30:38,267
[beeping]

380
00:30:38,334 --> 00:30:41,170
Hello?

381
00:30:41,238 --> 00:30:45,841
I told you never to call me
here. Don't you know where I am?

382
00:30:45,909 --> 00:30:48,244
Now, look, baby, I
can't talk to you now.

383
00:30:48,311 --> 00:30:50,279
My president needs me.

384
00:30:50,346 --> 00:30:52,882
<i>Of course, bucky would
rather be there with you.</i>

385
00:30:52,949 --> 00:30:56,952
What do you think about
civil defense? Hmm.

386
00:30:57,020 --> 00:31:00,289
Of course, it isn't only
physical. [men talking, indistinct]

387
00:31:00,356 --> 00:31:03,092
I deeply respect you as a human being.

388
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,996
Someday I'm going to make
you mrs. Buck Turgidson.

389
00:31:07,063 --> 00:31:10,166
Yeah, all right. Listen,
you go back to sleep, hon.

390
00:31:10,233 --> 00:31:13,235
Bucky will be back
there as soon as he can.

391
00:31:13,303 --> 00:31:18,540
All right. Listen, sug! Don't
forget to say your prayers.

392
00:31:24,614 --> 00:31:28,717
Apparently the 23rd airborne division...

393
00:31:28,785 --> 00:31:31,520
Is stationed seven
miles away at alvarado.

394
00:31:31,587 --> 00:31:35,958
General faceman, I want them to enter
the base, locate general Ripper...

395
00:31:36,026 --> 00:31:38,360
And put him in immediate
telephone contact with me.

396
00:31:38,428 --> 00:31:41,730
<i>Yes, sir. [Turgidson] Mr. President?</i>

397
00:31:41,798 --> 00:31:44,599
If I may advise. Under a condition red,

398
00:31:44,667 --> 00:31:47,970
It is standard procedure
that the base be sealed off...

399
00:31:48,038 --> 00:31:50,706
And the base defended
by base security troops.

400
00:31:50,773 --> 00:31:55,244
Any force trying to enter would
certainly encounter heavy casualties.

401
00:31:55,312 --> 00:31:59,014
General Turgidson, with all due
respect for your defense team,

402
00:31:59,082 --> 00:32:02,051
My boys can brush them aside
without too much trouble.

403
00:32:02,118 --> 00:32:07,723
Mr. President, there are one or two
points I'd like to make, if I may.

404
00:32:07,790 --> 00:32:10,192
Go ahead, general.

405
00:32:10,260 --> 00:32:16,232
One, our hopes for recalling
the 843rd bomb wing...

406
00:32:16,299 --> 00:32:20,769
Are quickly being reduced to a
very low order of probability.

407
00:32:20,837 --> 00:32:23,905
Two, in less than 15 minutes from now,

408
00:32:23,973 --> 00:32:26,942
The ruskies will be making
radar contact with the planes.

409
00:32:27,009 --> 00:32:31,113
Three, when they do, they are
going to go absolutely ape.

410
00:32:31,180 --> 00:32:33,716
They are going to strike
back with everything they got.

411
00:32:33,783 --> 00:32:37,018
Four, if prior to this time...

412
00:32:37,086 --> 00:32:40,289
We have done nothing to suppress
their retaliatory capabilities,

413
00:32:40,357 --> 00:32:43,925
We will suffer virtual annihilation.

414
00:32:43,993 --> 00:32:46,962
Now,

415
00:32:47,029 --> 00:32:49,398
Five,

416
00:32:49,466 --> 00:32:53,168
If, on the other hand,

417
00:32:53,236 --> 00:32:57,139
We were to immediately launch an
all-out and coordinated attack...

418
00:32:57,206 --> 00:32:59,475
On all their airfields
and missile bases,

419
00:32:59,542 --> 00:33:02,478
We'd stand a damn good chance of
catching 'em with their pants down.

420
00:33:02,545 --> 00:33:04,680
Hell, we got a five-to-one
missile superiority as it is.

421
00:33:04,748 --> 00:33:07,416
<i>We could easily assign three
missiles to every target...</i>

422
00:33:07,484 --> 00:33:11,052
And still have a very effective
reserve force for any other contingency.

423
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:16,224
<i>Ah, six! An unofficial study, which
we undertook of this eventuality,</i>

424
00:33:16,293 --> 00:33:21,163
Indicated that we would destroy
90% of their nuclear capabilities.

425
00:33:21,230 --> 00:33:23,999
We would therefore prevail and suffer...

426
00:33:24,066 --> 00:33:27,703
Only modest and acceptable civilian
casualties from their remaining force,

427
00:33:27,771 --> 00:33:31,006
Which would be badly
damaged and uncoordinated.

428
00:33:31,073 --> 00:33:34,443
General, it is the avowed
policy of our country...

429
00:33:34,511 --> 00:33:37,078
Never to strike first
with nuclear weapons.

430
00:33:37,146 --> 00:33:41,883
Mr. President, general Ripper has
already invalidated that policy.

431
00:33:41,951 --> 00:33:46,388
That was not an act of national policy.
There are still alternatives open to us.

432
00:33:46,456 --> 00:33:51,694
Mr.  President, we are rapidly
approaching a moment of truth,

433
00:33:51,761 --> 00:33:55,664
Both for ourselves as human beings
and for the life of our nation.

434
00:33:55,732 --> 00:33:58,400
Now, truth is not
always a pleasant thing.

435
00:33:58,468 --> 00:34:03,639
But it is necessary now to make a choice.
To choose between two admittedly regrettable,

436
00:34:03,707 --> 00:34:07,343
But nevertheless distinguishable,
postwar environments.

437
00:34:07,410 --> 00:34:09,478
One where you got 20
million people killed,

438
00:34:09,546 --> 00:34:12,013
And the other were you got
150 million people killed.

439
00:34:12,081 --> 00:34:15,083
You're talking about mass
murder, general, not war.

440
00:34:15,151 --> 00:34:18,887
Mr.  President, I'm not saying
we wouldn't get our hair mussed.

441
00:34:18,955 --> 00:34:23,492
But I do say no more than 10
to 20 million killed. Tops!

442
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,561
Depending on the breaks.

443
00:34:25,628 --> 00:34:29,598
I will not go down in history as the
greatest mass murderer since adolph hitler!

444
00:34:29,666 --> 00:34:33,335
It might be better if you were more
concerned with the american people...

445
00:34:33,403 --> 00:34:35,671
Than with your image
in the history books.

446
00:34:35,739 --> 00:34:41,309
General Turgidson, I've heard quite
sufficient from you. Thank you very much.

447
00:34:41,378 --> 00:34:43,512
Mr.  President, they have the
ambassador waiting upstairs.

448
00:34:43,580 --> 00:34:45,581
Good. Any difficulty?

449
00:34:45,648 --> 00:34:48,116
He's having a fit about that
squad of m.P.S. Can't be helped.

450
00:34:48,184 --> 00:34:50,118
Have him brought here straightaway.

451
00:34:50,186 --> 00:34:52,588
Yes, sir.
Is that--

452
00:34:52,655 --> 00:34:56,525
- Is that the russian ambassador?
- Yes, it is, general.

453
00:34:56,593 --> 00:35:01,530
A-am I to understand
the russian ambassador...

454
00:35:01,598 --> 00:35:04,032
Is to be admitted
entrance to the war room?

455
00:35:04,100 --> 00:35:07,002
Correct. He is here on my orders.

456
00:35:09,105 --> 00:35:12,107
I-I-I don't know exactly
how to put this, sir.

457
00:35:12,174 --> 00:35:16,044
But are you aware of what a
breach of security that would be?

458
00:35:16,112 --> 00:35:19,848
He'll see everything.
He'll see the big board.

459
00:35:19,916 --> 00:35:25,387
<i>That is precisely the idea,
general. That is precisely the idea.</i>

460
00:35:25,455 --> 00:35:30,859
<i>[president] staines, get
premier kissoff on the hot line.</i>

461
00:35:37,967 --> 00:35:42,070
[kong] "survival kit contents check.

462
00:35:42,138 --> 00:35:46,875
"in them you will find
one .45 caliber automatic,

463
00:35:46,943 --> 00:35:49,578
"two boxes of ammunition,

464
00:35:49,646 --> 00:35:52,781
"four days concentrated
emergency rations,

465
00:35:52,849 --> 00:35:56,217
"one drug issue containing antibiotics,

466
00:35:56,285 --> 00:36:00,556
"morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills,

467
00:36:00,623 --> 00:36:04,460
"sleepin' pills, tranquilizer pills,

468
00:36:04,527 --> 00:36:09,331
"one miniature combination
russian phrase book and bible,

469
00:36:09,398 --> 00:36:12,434
"$100 in rubles,

470
00:36:12,502 --> 00:36:14,670
"$100 in gold,

471
00:36:14,737 --> 00:36:17,473
"nine packs of chewing gum,

472
00:36:17,540 --> 00:36:19,541
"one issue of prophylactics,

473
00:36:19,609 --> 00:36:23,679
Three lipsticks, three
pair of nylon stockings."

474
00:36:23,746 --> 00:36:28,416
Shoot, a fellow could have a pretty good
weekend in vegas with all that stuff.

475
00:36:33,756 --> 00:36:36,825
You don't have any fresh
fish? I'm afraid not, sir.

476
00:36:36,893 --> 00:36:39,160
Your eggs? They are
fresh? Oh, yes, sir.

477
00:36:39,228 --> 00:36:43,231
I will have poached eggs. And bring
me some cigars, please. Havana cigars.

478
00:36:43,299 --> 00:36:45,200
That will be all, sir? Yes.

479
00:36:45,267 --> 00:36:47,235
I'll see to it right away.

480
00:36:47,303 --> 00:36:49,838
Try one of these jamaican
cigars, ambassador. They're good.

481
00:36:49,906 --> 00:36:53,542
Thank you, no. I do not support
the work of imperialist stooges.

482
00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:56,011
Oh, only commie stooges, huh?

483
00:36:56,078 --> 00:36:58,947
Psst. Mr.  President?

484
00:36:59,015 --> 00:37:02,684
You gonna let that lousy commie
punk vomit all over us like this?

485
00:37:02,752 --> 00:37:07,856
Mr.  President, they haven't been able
to reach premier kissoff in the kremlin.

486
00:37:07,924 --> 00:37:11,560
<i>They don't know where he is, and
he won't be back for two hours.</i>

487
00:37:11,628 --> 00:37:14,162
<i>Try b-8-6-5-4-3
moscow. Yes, sir.</i>

488
00:37:14,230 --> 00:37:16,164
You would never have found
him through his office.

489
00:37:16,232 --> 00:37:20,402
Our premier is a man of the people,
but he is also a man, if you follow.

490
00:37:20,469 --> 00:37:22,604
[chuckles] fine.
Degenerate atheistic commie.

491
00:37:22,672 --> 00:37:26,508
What? I said premier kissoff is
a degenerate atheistic commie!

492
00:37:26,576 --> 00:37:29,945
Have this
fool-- [arguing]

493
00:37:30,013 --> 00:37:34,416
<i>Mr.  President! I think
they're trying the number.</i>

494
00:37:37,020 --> 00:37:39,755
[arguing, scuffling]

495
00:37:39,822 --> 00:37:44,359
[muttering in russian]
you bully! [muttering]

496
00:37:44,427 --> 00:37:47,495
Gentlemen, you can't fight in
here! This is the war room!

497
00:37:47,564 --> 00:37:50,331
What is going on? I
demand an explanation.

498
00:37:50,399 --> 00:37:54,570
This clumsy fool tried to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.

499
00:37:54,637 --> 00:37:57,272
You bet your sweets, Mr.  Commie
! Look at this, Mr.  President.

500
00:37:57,339 --> 00:38:00,909
This lousy commie rat was taking
pictures with this of the big board!

501
00:38:00,977 --> 00:38:03,879
Mr.  Ambassador!

502
00:38:03,947 --> 00:38:08,383
This clumsy fool attempted to
plant that ridiculous camera on me.

503
00:38:08,451 --> 00:38:11,119
That's a damn lie! I
saw him with my own eyes!

504
00:38:11,187 --> 00:38:15,457
Gentlemen, this is outrageous. I have never
heard of such behavior in the war room before.

505
00:38:15,524 --> 00:38:18,026
<i>Mr.  President, I think they're
getting him on the line.</i>

506
00:38:22,899 --> 00:38:26,434
[indistinct rumbling]

507
00:38:43,486 --> 00:38:47,889
You sure got to hand
it to those commies.

508
00:38:47,957 --> 00:38:52,761
Yeah. Gee, those trucks sure look
like the real thing, don't they?

509
00:38:52,829 --> 00:38:54,763
I wonder where they got them from.

510
00:38:54,831 --> 00:38:56,865
Probably bought them from
the army as war surplus.

511
00:38:56,933 --> 00:38:59,601
<i>[vehicles continue approaching]</i>

512
00:38:59,669 --> 00:39:04,006
Okay. Open up at 200 yards.

513
00:39:11,347 --> 00:39:14,482
[men shouting]

514
00:39:17,654 --> 00:39:21,056
[shouting continues]

515
00:39:43,079 --> 00:39:46,748
[gunfire continues]

516
00:39:55,158 --> 00:39:58,126
[gunfire continues]

517
00:40:00,529 --> 00:40:05,366
Tell him where you are and that you'll enter
the conversation if I say anything untrue.

518
00:40:05,434 --> 00:40:07,903
But, please, don't tell
him anything more than that.

519
00:40:07,970 --> 00:40:13,208
<i>Alexi? Alexi, please.
I beg you.</i>

520
00:40:13,275 --> 00:40:15,177
But I don't have a phone.

521
00:40:15,244 --> 00:40:19,247
Give him the phone, frank.

522
00:40:21,283 --> 00:40:25,386
[ambassador speaking russian]

523
00:40:25,454 --> 00:40:29,825
[russian continues]

524
00:40:42,504 --> 00:40:44,439
[russian continues]

525
00:40:44,506 --> 00:40:47,475
I've done as you asked.

526
00:40:47,543 --> 00:40:50,411
Be careful, Mr.  President.
I think he is drunk.

527
00:40:52,381 --> 00:40:54,349
Hello?

528
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:58,086
Uh, hello, Dimitri?

529
00:40:58,154 --> 00:41:03,158
Listen, I can't hear too well. Do you suppose
you could turn the music down a little?

530
00:41:03,226 --> 00:41:05,660
That's much better.

531
00:41:05,728 --> 00:41:09,597
Yeah. [chuckles] yeah.

532
00:41:09,665 --> 00:41:12,567
Fine. I can hear you now, Dimitri.

533
00:41:12,635 --> 00:41:15,570
Clear and plain and coming
through fine.

534
00:41:15,638 --> 00:41:18,206
I'm coming through fine too, eh?

535
00:41:18,274 --> 00:41:21,143
Good, then--
well, then,

536
00:41:21,210 --> 00:41:24,179
As you say, we're both
coming through fine.

537
00:41:24,247 --> 00:41:28,950
Good. Well, it's good that
you're fine, and I'm fine.

538
00:41:29,018 --> 00:41:32,988
I agree with you. It's
great to be fine. [chuckles]

539
00:41:33,055 --> 00:41:37,358
Now, then, Dimitri, you know how...

540
00:41:37,426 --> 00:41:41,129
We've always talked
about the possibility...

541
00:41:41,197 --> 00:41:43,765
Of something going wrong with the bomb.

542
00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:46,668
<i>The bomb, Dimitri.</i>

543
00:41:48,337 --> 00:41:50,972
<i>The hydrogen bomb.</i>

544
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:54,009
Well, now, what happened is, uh,

545
00:41:54,076 --> 00:41:58,379
One of our base commanders,
he had a sort of--

546
00:41:58,447 --> 00:42:01,783
Well, he went a little
funny in the head.

547
00:42:01,851 --> 00:42:04,886
You know, just a little funny.

548
00:42:04,954 --> 00:42:09,791
And, uh, he went and did a silly thing.

549
00:42:09,859 --> 00:42:13,929
Well, I'll tell you what he
did. He ordered his planes...

550
00:42:15,497 --> 00:42:18,466
To attack
your country--

551
00:42:18,534 --> 00:42:20,501
Well, let me finish, Dimitri.

552
00:42:20,569 --> 00:42:23,471
<i>Let me finish, Dimitri.</i>

553
00:42:23,539 --> 00:42:26,374
Well, listen, how do you
think I feel about it?

554
00:42:26,442 --> 00:42:29,677
Can you imagine how I
feel about it, Dimitri?

555
00:42:29,745 --> 00:42:33,381
<i>Why do you think I'm calling you?</i>

556
00:42:33,449 --> 00:42:36,384
Just to say hello?

557
00:42:36,452 --> 00:42:38,987
Of course I like to speak to you!

558
00:42:39,055 --> 00:42:41,622
Of course I like to say hello!

559
00:42:41,690 --> 00:42:43,825
Not now, but any time, Dimitri.

560
00:42:43,893 --> 00:42:48,230
I'm just calling up to tell you
something terrible has happened.

561
00:42:48,297 --> 00:42:51,066
It's a friendly call. Of
course, it's a friendly call.

562
00:42:51,133 --> 00:42:55,370
Listen, if it wasn't friendly, you
probably wouldn't have even got it.

563
00:42:57,639 --> 00:43:02,410
<i>They will not reach their
targets for at least another hour.</i>

564
00:43:02,478 --> 00:43:05,546
I am-- I am
positive, Dimitri.

565
00:43:05,614 --> 00:43:08,049
<i>Listen, I've been all over
this with your ambassador.</i>

566
00:43:08,117 --> 00:43:10,919
<i>It is not a trick.</i>

567
00:43:10,987 --> 00:43:14,222
<i>Well, I'll tell you. We'd
like to give your air staff...</i>

568
00:43:14,290 --> 00:43:19,427
A complete rundown on the targets, flight
plans and defensive systems of the planes.

569
00:43:19,495 --> 00:43:24,366
<i>Yes, if we're unable
to recall the planes.</i>

570
00:43:24,433 --> 00:43:28,469
<i>I'd say
that-- well,</i>

571
00:43:28,537 --> 00:43:33,141
We're just gonna have to help
you destroy them, Dimitri.

572
00:43:33,209 --> 00:43:35,944
<i>I know they're our boys.</i>

573
00:43:36,012 --> 00:43:40,315
All right, well, listen.
Now, who should we call?

574
00:43:40,383 --> 00:43:46,087
Who should we call?
Sorry, you faded away there.

575
00:43:46,155 --> 00:43:49,991
The peoples central air
defense headquarters.

576
00:43:50,059 --> 00:43:55,630
Where is that, Dimitri
? In omsk. Right.

577
00:43:55,697 --> 00:43:59,935
Yes. Oh, you'll call
them first, will you?

578
00:44:00,002 --> 00:44:05,240
Uh-huh. Listen, do you happen to
have the phone number on you, Dimitri?

579
00:44:05,308 --> 00:44:08,076
I see. Just ask for omsk information.

580
00:44:08,144 --> 00:44:10,111
[stammering]

581
00:44:10,179 --> 00:44:15,016
I'm sorry too, Dimitri. I'm very sorry.

582
00:44:15,084 --> 00:44:17,752
All right, you're sorrier than I am.

583
00:44:17,820 --> 00:44:20,288
But I am sorry as well.

584
00:44:21,324 --> 00:44:23,658
I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri.

585
00:44:23,725 --> 00:44:25,994
Don't say that you're
more sorry than I am,

586
00:44:26,062 --> 00:44:29,230
Because I'm capable of being
just as sorry as you are.

587
00:44:29,298 --> 00:44:33,534
So, we're both sorry,
all right? All right.

588
00:44:33,602 --> 00:44:38,139
Yes, he's right here. He wants
to talk to you. Just a second.

589
00:44:39,942 --> 00:44:44,479
[speaking in russian]

590
00:44:50,419 --> 00:44:54,222
What? [ambassador speaking in russian]

591
00:44:54,290 --> 00:44:58,726
<i>[russian continues]</i>

592
00:44:59,761 --> 00:45:03,931
[russian continues]

593
00:45:10,672 --> 00:45:13,808
What? What is it? What?

594
00:45:13,876 --> 00:45:18,179
The fools. The mad fools.

595
00:45:18,247 --> 00:45:22,717
What's happened? The doomsday machine.

596
00:45:22,784 --> 00:45:25,420
The doomsday machine? What is that?

597
00:45:25,488 --> 00:45:30,958
A device which will destroy all
human and animal life on earth.

598
00:45:31,027 --> 00:45:34,195
<i>[president] all human and animal life?</i>

599
00:45:34,263 --> 00:45:38,333
<i>[gunfire continues]</i>

600
00:45:48,010 --> 00:45:51,646
Mandrake? Yes, jack?

601
00:45:51,713 --> 00:45:55,383
Have you ever seen a commie
drink a glass of water?

602
00:45:55,451 --> 00:46:01,089
Well, I can't say I have,
jack. [nervous chuckle]

603
00:46:01,157 --> 00:46:06,061
Vodka. That's what they
drink, isn't it? Never water.

604
00:46:06,128 --> 00:46:10,365
Well, I believe that's
what they drink, jack. Yes.

605
00:46:10,433 --> 00:46:14,102
On no account will a
commie ever drink water...

606
00:46:14,170 --> 00:46:17,405
And not without good reason.

607
00:46:17,473 --> 00:46:20,175
Oh, ah, yes.

608
00:46:20,242 --> 00:46:23,545
I, um, can't quite...

609
00:46:23,612 --> 00:46:26,548
See what you're getting at, jack.

610
00:46:26,615 --> 00:46:31,119
Water. That's what
I'm getting at. Water.

611
00:46:31,187 --> 00:46:36,224
Mandrake, water is
the source of all life.

612
00:46:36,292 --> 00:46:39,794
Seven-tenths of this
earth's surface is water.

613
00:46:39,861 --> 00:46:45,233
Why, do you realize that
70% of you is water?

614
00:46:45,301 --> 00:46:47,835
Good lord.

615
00:46:47,903 --> 00:46:52,974
And as human beings, you and
I need fresh, pure water...

616
00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:56,644
To replenish our precious
bodily fluids. Yes.

617
00:46:56,712 --> 00:47:01,649
You beginning to understand? Yes.

618
00:47:01,717 --> 00:47:06,654
[chuckling] Mandrake?

619
00:47:06,722 --> 00:47:12,160
Mandrake, have you never wondered
why I drink only distilled water...

620
00:47:12,228 --> 00:47:16,531
Or rainwater and only
pure grain alcohol?

621
00:47:16,599 --> 00:47:20,968
Well, it did occur to me, jack. Yes.

622
00:47:21,036 --> 00:47:25,940
Have you ever heard of a thing
called fluoridation of water?

623
00:47:26,008 --> 00:47:30,077
Uh, yes, I have heard
of that, jack. Yes.

624
00:47:30,146 --> 00:47:34,915
Do you know what it is? No.
No. I don't know what it is.

625
00:47:34,983 --> 00:47:39,120
[gunfire continues] do you
realize that fluoridation...

626
00:47:39,188 --> 00:47:41,956
Is the most monstrously conceived...

627
00:47:42,024 --> 00:47:44,892
And dangerous communist plot
we have ever had to face?

628
00:47:50,966 --> 00:47:53,268
Two can play at that game, soldier.

629
00:47:58,274 --> 00:48:01,809
That's nice shooting, soldier!

630
00:48:01,877 --> 00:48:05,380
<i>[gunfire continues]</i>

631
00:48:25,467 --> 00:48:27,602
Mandrake, come here!

632
00:48:27,670 --> 00:48:32,773
<i>You calling me, jack? Come over
here and help me with this belt.</i>

633
00:48:32,841 --> 00:48:37,778
I, uh-- I haven't had
very much experience,

634
00:48:37,846 --> 00:48:41,449
You know, with those
sort of machines, jack.

635
00:48:41,517 --> 00:48:44,652
I've only ever pressed a
button in my old spitfire.

636
00:48:44,720 --> 00:48:46,654
Mandrake, in the name of her
majesty and the continental congress,

637
00:48:46,722 --> 00:48:48,690
Come here and feed me this belt, boy.

638
00:48:48,757 --> 00:48:53,695
Jack, I'd love to come, but
what's happened, you see,

639
00:48:53,762 --> 00:48:57,465
The string in my leg is gone.

640
00:48:57,533 --> 00:49:00,468
<i>The what? The string. I never told you.</i>

641
00:49:00,536 --> 00:49:05,240
But you see, I got a gammy
leg-- oh, dear. Gone. Shot off.

642
00:49:05,307 --> 00:49:11,412
[gunfire continues] Mandrake, come
here. The red coats are comin'.

643
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:16,684
When it is detonated, it will
produce enough radioactive fallout...

644
00:49:16,752 --> 00:49:19,887
So that in ten months the
surface of the earth...

645
00:49:19,955 --> 00:49:22,457
Will be as dead as the moon! Ah!

646
00:49:22,524 --> 00:49:24,592
Come on, de sadesky!
That's ridiculous!

647
00:49:24,660 --> 00:49:28,863
Our studies show even the worst fallout
is down to a safe level after two weeks.

648
00:49:28,930 --> 00:49:33,868
You've obviously never heard of
cobalt thorium g. What about it?

649
00:49:33,935 --> 00:49:38,005
Cobalt thorium g has a
radioactive half-life of 93 years.

650
00:49:38,073 --> 00:49:41,242
If you take 50 h bombs in
the 100 megaton range...

651
00:49:41,310 --> 00:49:43,811
And jacket them with cobalt thorium g,

652
00:49:43,879 --> 00:49:48,483
When they are exploded they
will produce a doomsday shroud,

653
00:49:48,550 --> 00:49:52,720
A lethal cloud of radioactivity
which will encircle the earth...

654
00:49:52,788 --> 00:49:55,356
For 93 years!

655
00:49:55,424 --> 00:49:58,859
What a load of commie
bull. I mean, after all.

656
00:49:58,927 --> 00:50:02,597
I'm afraid I don't
understand something, alexi.

657
00:50:02,665 --> 00:50:06,334
Is the premier threatening to explode
this if our planes carry out their attack?

658
00:50:06,402 --> 00:50:09,003
No, sir. It is not a
thing a sane man would do.

659
00:50:09,070 --> 00:50:12,006
The doomsday machine is designed
to trigger itself automatically.

660
00:50:12,073 --> 00:50:14,375
But, surely, you can
disarm it somehow. No.

661
00:50:14,443 --> 00:50:18,546
It is designed to explode if any
attempt is made to un-trigger it.

662
00:50:18,614 --> 00:50:21,115
Automatically? It's a commie trick!

663
00:50:21,183 --> 00:50:23,618
We're wasting valuable
time. Look at the big board!

664
00:50:23,686 --> 00:50:26,454
They're getting ready to clobber us!

665
00:50:26,522 --> 00:50:30,257
This is absolute madness. Why
should you build such a thing?

666
00:50:30,326 --> 00:50:32,327
There were those of us
who fought against it.

667
00:50:32,394 --> 00:50:35,363
But in the end we could not keep up with
the expense involved in the arms race,

668
00:50:35,431 --> 00:50:38,966
The space race and the peace race.

669
00:50:39,034 --> 00:50:44,305
At the same time our people grumbled
for more nylons and washing machines.

670
00:50:44,373 --> 00:50:46,974
Our doomsday scheme cost
us just a small fraction...

671
00:50:47,042 --> 00:50:50,345
Of what we have been spending
on defense in a single year.

672
00:50:50,412 --> 00:50:54,782
But the deciding factor was when we learned
your country was working along similar lines.

673
00:50:54,850 --> 00:50:57,885
We were afraid of a doomsday
gap! This is preposterous!

674
00:50:57,953 --> 00:51:00,254
I've never approved
of anything like that.

675
00:51:00,322 --> 00:51:03,057
<i>Our source was the new york times.</i>

676
00:51:03,124 --> 00:51:07,027
Dr. Strangelove, do we have
anything like that in the works?

677
00:51:07,095 --> 00:51:12,233
A moment, please, Mr.  President.

678
00:51:12,300 --> 00:51:15,737
Under the authority granted me...

679
00:51:15,804 --> 00:51:20,007
As director of weapons
research and development,

680
00:51:20,075 --> 00:51:24,245
I commissioned last year
a study of this project...

681
00:51:24,312 --> 00:51:26,647
By the bland corporation.

682
00:51:26,715 --> 00:51:32,219
Based on the findings of the
report, my conclusion was that...

683
00:51:32,287 --> 00:51:35,289
This idea was not a
practical deterrent...

684
00:51:35,357 --> 00:51:39,260
For reasons which at this
moment must be all too obvious.

685
00:51:39,327 --> 00:51:42,764
Then you mean it is possible for
them to have built such a thing?

686
00:51:46,234 --> 00:51:49,904
Mr.  President, the
technology required...

687
00:51:49,971 --> 00:51:53,875
Is easily within the means
of even the smallest...

688
00:51:53,942 --> 00:51:56,310
Nuclear power.

689
00:51:56,378 --> 00:52:01,181
It requires only the will to do so.

690
00:52:01,249 --> 00:52:05,185
But how is it possible for this
thing to be triggered automatically...

691
00:52:05,253 --> 00:52:07,522
And at the same time
impossible to un-trigger?

692
00:52:07,589 --> 00:52:11,859
Mr.  President, it is not only possible,

693
00:52:11,927 --> 00:52:14,061
It is essential.

694
00:52:14,129 --> 00:52:18,198
That is the whole idea
of this machine, you know.

695
00:52:18,266 --> 00:52:23,404
Deterrence is the art of producing
in the mind of the enemy...

696
00:52:23,472 --> 00:52:26,106
<i>The fear to attack.</i>

697
00:52:26,174 --> 00:52:31,111
<i>And so because of the automated and
irrevocable decision-making process...</i>

698
00:52:31,179 --> 00:52:35,115
<i>Which rules out human meddling,</i>

699
00:52:35,183 --> 00:52:39,219
The doomsday machine is terrifying...

700
00:52:39,287 --> 00:52:41,288
And simple to understand...

701
00:52:41,356 --> 00:52:44,959
<i>And completely credible and convincing.</i>

702
00:52:45,026 --> 00:52:48,429
Gee, I wish we had one
of them doomsday machines.

703
00:52:48,497 --> 00:52:52,132
But this is fantastic, Strangelove.
How can it be triggered automatically?

704
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:56,003
It's remarkably simple to do that.

705
00:52:56,071 --> 00:52:59,607
When you merely wish to bury bombs,

706
00:52:59,675 --> 00:53:02,076
There's no limit to the size.

707
00:53:02,143 --> 00:53:05,346
After that, they are connected...

708
00:53:05,413 --> 00:53:08,415
To a gigantic complex of computers.

709
00:53:08,484 --> 00:53:12,319
Now, then, a specific
and clearly defined...

710
00:53:12,387 --> 00:53:14,388
Set of circumstances...

711
00:53:14,456 --> 00:53:17,725
Under which the bombs
are to be exploded...

712
00:53:17,793 --> 00:53:21,829
Is programmed into a tape memory bank.

713
00:53:21,897 --> 00:53:25,733
<i>Hmm? Strangelove? [Strangelove
continues, indistinct]</i>

714
00:53:25,801 --> 00:53:29,136
What kind of a name is that?
That ain't no kraut name, is it?

715
00:53:29,204 --> 00:53:31,806
He changed it when he became a citizen.

716
00:53:31,874 --> 00:53:34,575
It used to be merkwurdichliebe.

717
00:53:34,643 --> 00:53:39,079
Well, a kraut by any
other name, uh, stainsey?

718
00:53:40,382 --> 00:53:45,319
...Is that the whole point
of the doomsday machine...

719
00:53:45,387 --> 00:53:49,123
Is lost, if you keep it a secret!

720
00:53:49,190 --> 00:53:51,158
Why didn't you tell the world, eh?

721
00:53:51,226 --> 00:53:55,630
It was to be announced at
the party congress on Monday.

722
00:53:55,697 --> 00:53:59,066
As you know, the
premier loves surprises.

723
00:53:59,134 --> 00:54:03,103
<i>[gunfire continues]</i>

724
00:54:06,074 --> 00:54:08,743
[men shouting]

725
00:54:13,649 --> 00:54:16,150
[shouting continues]

726
00:54:47,549 --> 00:54:50,484
Stay with me, Mandrake.

727
00:54:54,723 --> 00:54:58,626
All right, Mandrake. Now,
feed me. Feed me, boy.

728
00:55:25,721 --> 00:55:29,389
[laughs] jack, don't you
think we'd be better off...

729
00:55:29,457 --> 00:55:32,559
In some other part of the room
away from all this flying glass?

730
00:55:32,628 --> 00:55:36,263
We're okay here. [laughs]

731
00:55:36,331 --> 00:55:40,034
Mandrake, do you realize that in
addition to fluoridating water,

732
00:55:40,102 --> 00:55:44,071
There are studies underway
to fluoridate salt, flour,

733
00:55:44,139 --> 00:55:49,343
Fruit, juices, soup,
sugar, milk, ice cream.

734
00:55:49,410 --> 00:55:52,980
- Ice cream, Mandrake. Children's ice cream.
- Good lord.

735
00:55:53,048 --> 00:55:56,717
You know when fluoridation first began?

736
00:55:56,785 --> 00:56:01,088
Uh, no, no. I don't, jack. 1946.

737
00:56:01,156 --> 00:56:04,224
1946, Mandrake. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

738
00:56:04,292 --> 00:56:08,162
How does that coincide with your
postwar commie conspiracy, huh?

739
00:56:08,229 --> 00:56:11,632
It's incredibly obvious, isn't it?

740
00:56:11,700 --> 00:56:17,204
A foreign substance is introduced
into our precious bodily fluids...

741
00:56:17,272 --> 00:56:20,607
Without the knowledge of the individual.

742
00:56:20,676 --> 00:56:24,178
Certainly without any
choice. [gunfire continues]

743
00:56:24,245 --> 00:56:26,914
That's the way a
hard-core commie works.

744
00:56:26,982 --> 00:56:29,183
[gunfire continues] [glass shattering]

745
00:56:29,250 --> 00:56:35,089
Ah, jack, jack. Tell me, jack,
when did you first become--

746
00:56:35,157 --> 00:56:37,858
Well, develop this theory?

747
00:56:37,926 --> 00:56:41,095
Well,
I, uh--

748
00:56:41,163 --> 00:56:44,899
I-I first became aware of it, Mandrake,

749
00:56:44,966 --> 00:56:48,635
During the physical act of love. Huh.

750
00:56:48,704 --> 00:56:53,040
Yes, a, uh, profound sense of fatigue,

751
00:56:53,108 --> 00:56:55,609
Feeling of emptiness followed.

752
00:56:55,677 --> 00:57:00,848
<i>Luckily I was able to interpret
these feelings correctly. Uh-huh.</i>

753
00:57:00,916 --> 00:57:03,984
- Loss of essence.
- Huh.

754
00:57:04,052 --> 00:57:07,922
I can assure you it has
not recurred, Mandrake.

755
00:57:07,989 --> 00:57:12,026
Women sense my power,

756
00:57:12,094 --> 00:57:15,495
And they seek the life essence.

757
00:57:15,563 --> 00:57:18,966
<i>I do not avoid women, Mandrake. No.</i>

758
00:57:19,034 --> 00:57:21,736
But I do deny them my essence.

759
00:57:21,803 --> 00:57:24,739
Yes, jack.

760
00:57:37,318 --> 00:57:40,053
[man shouting] cease fire!

761
00:57:40,121 --> 00:57:43,791
[shouting continues]

762
00:57:53,034 --> 00:57:57,371
<i>[gunfire lessening]</i>

763
00:58:00,709 --> 00:58:02,643
My boys must have surrendered.

764
00:58:02,711 --> 00:58:06,781
<i>Well, there it is. Now, jack, listen.</i>

765
00:58:06,848 --> 00:58:11,251
<i>While there's still time, I beg
you, let's recall the wing and--</i>

766
00:58:12,353 --> 00:58:16,657
Those boys were like
my children, Mandrake.

767
00:58:16,725 --> 00:58:20,193
- Now they let me down.
- No, no, jack! Not a bit of it.

768
00:58:20,261 --> 00:58:23,531
I'm sure they all gave
it their very best.

769
00:58:23,598 --> 00:58:26,066
I'm equally sure they
all died thinking of you,

770
00:58:26,134 --> 00:58:28,769
Every man jack of them, jack.

771
00:58:28,837 --> 00:58:30,838
<i>Supposing a bit of
water has gone off, eh?</i>

772
00:58:30,906 --> 00:58:33,641
<i>Certainly one can never be
too sure about those things.</i>

773
00:58:33,708 --> 00:58:36,844
<i>But look at me now. Do I
look all rancid and clotted?</i>

774
00:58:36,912 --> 00:58:39,947
<i>Look at me, jack. Look. Huh? Huh?</i>

775
00:58:40,014 --> 00:58:44,051
<i>And I drink a lot of water. I'm
what you might call a water man.</i>

776
00:58:44,118 --> 00:58:47,421
<i>And I can swear to you,
my boy-- swear to you,</i>

777
00:58:47,489 --> 00:58:49,990
That there's nothing wrong
with my bodily fluids.

778
00:58:50,058 --> 00:58:52,125
Not a thing, jackie.

779
00:58:52,193 --> 00:58:54,628
Mandrake, were you
ever a prisoner of war?

780
00:58:54,696 --> 00:58:58,432
Well, jack, the
time's running very--

781
00:58:58,500 --> 00:59:01,602
What? Were you ever a prisoner of war?

782
00:59:01,670 --> 00:59:03,871
Yes, I was, as a matter of fact.

783
00:59:03,939 --> 00:59:07,541
Did they torture you
? Uh, yes, they did.

784
00:59:07,609 --> 00:59:10,210
I was tortured by the japanese,
jack, if you must know.

785
00:59:10,278 --> 00:59:12,980
Not a pretty story.
Well, what happened?

786
00:59:13,047 --> 00:59:15,148
Oh, well, I don't know, jack.

787
00:59:15,216 --> 00:59:17,785
It's difficult to think of
under these conditions, but,

788
00:59:17,853 --> 00:59:20,087
Well, what happened was,

789
00:59:20,154 --> 00:59:23,390
They got me on the old, uh,
rangoon-inchinawa railway.

790
00:59:23,458 --> 00:59:27,928
I was laying train lines for
the bloody japanese puff-puffs.

791
00:59:27,996 --> 00:59:31,264
No, I mean, when they
tortured you, did you talk?

792
00:59:31,332 --> 00:59:33,968
Ah, oh,
no, I--

793
00:59:34,035 --> 00:59:36,971
Well, I don't think they
wanted me to talk, really.

794
00:59:37,038 --> 00:59:39,507
I don't think they
wanted me to say anything.

795
00:59:39,574 --> 00:59:42,510
It was just their way of
having a bit of fun, the swines.

796
00:59:42,577 --> 00:59:45,946
The strange thing is, they
make such bloody good cameras.

797
00:59:46,014 --> 00:59:49,950
You know, those clowns
outside are going to give me...

798
00:59:50,018 --> 00:59:53,320
A pretty good going-over in
a few minutes, for the code.

799
00:59:53,388 --> 00:59:56,023
Yes--

800
00:59:56,091 --> 00:59:59,693
Yes, well, you may have a-- you
may have quite a point there, jack.

801
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:03,763
I don't know how well I
could stand up under torture.

802
01:00:03,831 --> 01:00:07,034
<i>Well, of course, the answer to
that is, boy, no one ever does.</i>

803
01:00:07,102 --> 01:00:11,305
<i>And my advice to you, jack,
is to give me the code now.</i>

804
01:00:11,373 --> 01:00:14,274
<i>And if those devils come
back and try any rough stuff,</i>

805
01:00:14,342 --> 01:00:17,644
<i>We'll fight 'em together like we
did just now on the floor, eh?</i>

806
01:00:17,712 --> 01:00:20,914
You with your gun and me with
a belt of ammo, feeding you.

807
01:00:20,982 --> 01:00:24,118
"feed me," you said, and
I was feeding you, jack.

808
01:00:24,185 --> 01:00:26,820
You know, Mandrake,

809
01:00:26,888 --> 01:00:30,190
I happen to believe in
a life after this one...

810
01:00:31,659 --> 01:00:35,129
And I know I'll have to
answer for what I've done.

811
01:00:36,431 --> 01:00:38,399
And I think I can.

812
01:00:38,466 --> 01:00:41,701
<i>Yes, of course you can.
Of course you can. You can.</i>

813
01:00:41,769 --> 01:00:44,204
I'm a religious man myself, you know.

814
01:00:44,272 --> 01:00:48,142
I believe in all that sort of thing
and, uh, I'm hoping, you know, jack--

815
01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:50,544
[clanking] you've
dropped your gun, jack.

816
01:00:50,611 --> 01:00:54,114
You know what I-- no, jack,
let me take that for you.

817
01:00:54,182 --> 01:00:56,183
And you know what I'm hoping, jack?

818
01:00:56,251 --> 01:00:58,952
I'm hoping you're going
to give me the code, boy.

819
01:00:59,020 --> 01:01:02,722
Oh, you're going to have a little
wash and brush up? What a good idea.

820
01:01:02,790 --> 01:01:05,392
Always did wonders for a man
that, a wash and brush up.

821
01:01:05,460 --> 01:01:08,195
Water on the back of the
neck makes you feel marvelous.

822
01:01:08,263 --> 01:01:11,031
That's what we need: Water on
the back of the neck and the code.

823
01:01:11,099 --> 01:01:14,734
Supposing I play a little
guessing game with you, jack boy?

824
01:01:14,802 --> 01:01:17,771
<i>I'll try and guess what
the code is-- [gunshot]</i>

825
01:01:17,838 --> 01:01:19,839
<i>[thudding]</i>

826
01:01:34,289 --> 01:01:38,758
Copilot to navigator. I'm
ready with the fuel figures now.

827
01:01:38,826 --> 01:01:41,795
We have 109,000 total,

828
01:01:41,862 --> 01:01:44,731
79,000 in the mains...

829
01:01:44,799 --> 01:01:47,601
And 30,000 in the auxiliaries.

830
01:01:47,668 --> 01:01:49,603
And that works out to roughly...

831
01:01:49,670 --> 01:01:53,107
Seven hours, 15 minutes
endurance from this time.

832
01:01:53,174 --> 01:01:55,709
D.S.O. To captain.

833
01:01:55,776 --> 01:01:58,912
I have an unidentified radar blip.

834
01:02:00,281 --> 01:02:02,916
Distance: 60 miles.

835
01:02:04,051 --> 01:02:07,187
Approximate speed: Mach three.

836
01:02:07,255 --> 01:02:11,057
Looks like a missile tracking us.

837
01:02:11,126 --> 01:02:14,194
Confirmed: Definite missile track.

838
01:02:14,262 --> 01:02:16,396
Commence evasive action right.

839
01:02:22,570 --> 01:02:26,273
Missile still closing range.

840
01:02:26,341 --> 01:02:30,377
Distance: 50 miles.
Continue evasive action.

841
01:02:30,445 --> 01:02:33,113
Lock e.C.M. To target intercept mode.

842
01:02:33,181 --> 01:02:36,850
E.C.M. Locked to target intercept mode.

843
01:02:36,917 --> 01:02:39,319
Missile still tracking
and closing distance.

844
01:02:39,387 --> 01:02:43,457
Range: 40 miles.
Continue evasive action.

845
01:02:46,327 --> 01:02:50,597
Electronic guidance
scrambler to blue grid.

846
01:02:50,665 --> 01:02:54,134
Missile still tracking
steady and closing distance.

847
01:02:54,202 --> 01:02:56,203
Range: 30 miles.

848
01:02:57,505 --> 01:03:00,641
Missile still closing true and steady.

849
01:03:00,708 --> 01:03:02,709
Continue evasive action.

850
01:03:10,185 --> 01:03:12,186
Range: 20 miles.

851
01:03:12,253 --> 01:03:16,156
Missile still closing
distance and tracking steady.

852
01:03:16,224 --> 01:03:18,659
Attack range gate on maximum scan.

853
01:03:18,726 --> 01:03:21,127
Range gate on maximum scan.

854
01:03:21,196 --> 01:03:24,097
Range: 10 miles.

855
01:03:24,165 --> 01:03:28,134
Missile track deflecting.
Continue evasive action.

856
01:03:28,203 --> 01:03:31,471
Deflection increasing.
Range: Eight miles.

857
01:03:31,539 --> 01:03:35,475
Deflection still
increasing. Range: Six miles.

858
01:03:35,543 --> 01:03:38,278
Missile still deflecting.
Range: Four miles.

859
01:03:44,051 --> 01:03:47,254
Range: Two miles.
Missile still deflecting.

860
01:03:47,322 --> 01:03:49,590
Range: One mile. Missile detonated!

861
01:03:49,657 --> 01:03:51,991
[indistinct shouting]

862
01:03:56,264 --> 01:03:58,365
- Start lever to cut off!
- Cut off!

863
01:03:58,433 --> 01:04:01,668
[electronic shorting-out sounds]

864
01:04:01,736 --> 01:04:04,705
We're losin' power! [indistinct]

865
01:04:11,646 --> 01:04:13,980
Re-select essential power!

866
01:04:14,048 --> 01:04:16,116
Essential power re-selected.

867
01:04:22,657 --> 01:04:24,625
The hatch is stuck!

868
01:04:24,692 --> 01:04:28,128
[electronic shorting-out sounds]

869
01:04:28,195 --> 01:04:31,030
Hit emergency power! Okay.

870
01:04:32,133 --> 01:04:35,001
Extinguishers! Roger!

871
01:04:41,709 --> 01:04:44,978
<i>Transfer switches! Transferred!</i>

872
01:04:45,045 --> 01:04:47,347
<i>Boost pumps off! Cut off!</i>

873
01:04:59,059 --> 01:05:01,094
Fuel valves three, four and six!

874
01:05:13,541 --> 01:05:16,242
<i>Give me full power! Roger.</i>

875
01:05:28,055 --> 01:05:30,490
<i>[Mandrake] peace on earth.</i>

876
01:05:30,558 --> 01:05:32,726
<i>Peace on earth.</i>

877
01:05:32,794 --> 01:05:35,028
<i>Peace on earth.</i>

878
01:05:35,095 --> 01:05:37,798
<i>P.O.E.</i>

879
01:05:37,865 --> 01:05:40,734
<i>Purity of essence.</i>

880
01:05:40,802 --> 01:05:44,337
<i>O.P.O.E.</i>

881
01:05:44,405 --> 01:05:46,640
- O.P.E.--
- [gunshots]

882
01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:57,851
Put your hands over your head.

883
01:05:57,919 --> 01:06:00,554
What the devil do you think
you're doing? Who are you?

884
01:06:00,621 --> 01:06:03,523
I said, put your hands over your head.

885
01:06:03,591 --> 01:06:06,159
What kind of suit do
you call that, fella?

886
01:06:06,226 --> 01:06:08,194
What do you mean, suit?

887
01:06:08,262 --> 01:06:12,799
This happens to be an r.A.F. Uniform, sir,
and I am group captain lionel Mandrake.

888
01:06:12,867 --> 01:06:15,134
I am general Ripper's executive officer.

889
01:06:15,202 --> 01:06:19,606
- Where's general Ripper?
- He's dead, in the bathroom.

890
01:06:19,674 --> 01:06:21,842
Where's the bathroom?

891
01:06:21,909 --> 01:06:23,844
<i>Next to you.</i>

892
01:06:23,911 --> 01:06:26,913
[vehicle engine revving]

893
01:06:30,918 --> 01:06:34,521
[whistles] I don't know what sort of
stupid game this is you're playing,

894
01:06:34,589 --> 01:06:37,390
But I've got a very good
idea what the recall code is,

895
01:06:37,458 --> 01:06:40,393
And I have to get in touch with
sac headquarters immediately!

896
01:06:40,461 --> 01:06:44,163
I said, put your hands over
your head and keep 'em there!

897
01:06:44,231 --> 01:06:47,901
Got any witnesses? What are you
talking about? He shot himself!

898
01:06:47,969 --> 01:06:50,036
While he was shavin', huh?

899
01:06:50,104 --> 01:06:53,272
Now look, colonel bat Guano,

900
01:06:53,340 --> 01:06:55,775
If that really is your name,

901
01:06:55,843 --> 01:06:59,746
May I tell you that I have
a very, very good idea--

902
01:06:59,814 --> 01:07:04,117
I think, I hope, I pray-- what the recall
code is, some theme he kept repeating.

903
01:07:04,184 --> 01:07:07,120
It's a variation on "peace on
earth" or "purity of essence"!

904
01:07:07,187 --> 01:07:09,789
E.O.P., o.P.E., it's one of those!

905
01:07:09,857 --> 01:07:12,893
Put your hands up on top
of your head. Start walkin'.

906
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,662
Don't you know that general Ripper
went as mad as a March hare...

907
01:07:15,730 --> 01:07:17,731
And sent the whole wing
to attack the soviets?

908
01:07:17,798 --> 01:07:20,934
<i>Don't you know that? What
are you talkin' about?</i>

909
01:07:21,002 --> 01:07:23,202
I'll tell you what
I'm talking about.

910
01:07:23,270 --> 01:07:27,340
I'm going to pick up this red
telephone, which is connected to sac,

911
01:07:27,408 --> 01:07:30,343
And I
hope--

912
01:07:30,411 --> 01:07:32,612
Blast. Blast.

913
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:36,716
Shot away, I expect by one of your
men during this ridiculous fighting!

914
01:07:37,952 --> 01:07:40,153
Right.

915
01:07:40,220 --> 01:07:43,590
All right, charlie, I've been
wastin' too much time on you.

916
01:07:43,658 --> 01:07:47,794
I got a lot of wounded
men outside. Start walkin'.

917
01:07:56,737 --> 01:07:59,806
[switches clicking]

918
01:08:09,784 --> 01:08:13,653
All the radio gear is out,
including the c.R.M. 114.

919
01:08:13,721 --> 01:08:16,890
I think the auto-destruct mechanism
got hit and blew itself up.

920
01:08:21,361 --> 01:08:24,598
The fire is out. The
emergency power is on.

921
01:08:24,665 --> 01:08:28,167
Everything seems to check
out all right. Will advise.

922
01:08:28,235 --> 01:08:29,970
Roger. Navigator?

923
01:08:30,037 --> 01:08:34,173
I've worked out our rate of fuel loss
at approximately 1-6-2 per minute.

924
01:08:34,241 --> 01:08:37,043
This gives us a radius of action...

925
01:08:37,111 --> 01:08:41,815
Sufficient to take out primary and
secondary targets, but we will not--

926
01:08:41,882 --> 01:08:46,052
Repeat, not be able to make it
back to any base or neutral country.

927
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:49,555
However, we would have
enough fuel to ditch...

928
01:08:49,624 --> 01:08:52,325
At weather ship tango delta,

929
01:08:52,392 --> 01:08:55,729
Grid coordinates
0-0-3-6-9-1.

930
01:09:00,467 --> 01:09:02,902
Well, boys, we got three
engines out.

931
01:09:02,970 --> 01:09:06,372
We got more holes in us
than a horse trader's mule.

932
01:09:06,440 --> 01:09:08,875
The radio is gone,
and we're leakin' fuel.

933
01:09:08,943 --> 01:09:12,378
And if we was flyin' any lower, why,
we'd need sleigh bells on this thing.

934
01:09:12,446 --> 01:09:15,414
But we got one little
budge on them ruskies.

935
01:09:15,482 --> 01:09:17,450
At this height they
might harpoon us,

936
01:09:17,518 --> 01:09:20,654
But they dang sure ain't gonna
spot us on no radar screen!

937
01:09:31,799 --> 01:09:34,701
The other way.
Where are you taking me?

938
01:09:34,769 --> 01:09:38,204
To the main gate. Colonel!

939
01:09:38,272 --> 01:09:41,708
Colonel, I must know what you
think has been going on here.

940
01:09:41,776 --> 01:09:43,977
You wanna know what I think? Yes.

941
01:09:44,045 --> 01:09:46,512
I think you're some kind
of deviated "prevert."

942
01:09:46,580 --> 01:09:49,315
I think general Ripper found
out about your preversion...

943
01:09:49,383 --> 01:09:52,052
And that you were organizing
some kind of mutiny of preverts.

944
01:09:52,119 --> 01:09:54,253
Now, move! [jet engines roaring]

945
01:09:54,321 --> 01:09:57,557
On top of that, I don't know anything
about any planes attacking russia.

946
01:09:57,624 --> 01:10:01,394
All I was told to do was get Ripper on the
phone with the president of the United States.

947
01:10:01,461 --> 01:10:06,265
Now just one second. You
just said, "the president."

948
01:10:06,333 --> 01:10:08,534
What about the president?

949
01:10:08,602 --> 01:10:11,805
The president wants to speak
to general Ripper, doesn't he?

950
01:10:11,872 --> 01:10:14,440
Now, general Ripper is dead, is he not?

951
01:10:14,508 --> 01:10:16,776
I am general Ripper's executive officer,

952
01:10:16,844 --> 01:10:19,813
So the president will bloody well
want to speak to me, won't he?

953
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:23,583
There's a telephone box over
there and the line may be open.

954
01:10:23,650 --> 01:10:26,519
You wanna talk to the
president of the United States?

955
01:10:26,587 --> 01:10:29,422
<i>I don't want to talk to him,
colonel, I've got to talk to him.</i>

956
01:10:29,489 --> 01:10:33,126
And I can assure you, if you don't put
that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense,

957
01:10:33,194 --> 01:10:37,230
The court of inquiry on this
will give you such a pranging,

958
01:10:37,297 --> 01:10:41,434
You'll be lucky if you end up wearing
the uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

959
01:10:41,501 --> 01:10:44,170
[jet engines roaring]

960
01:10:44,238 --> 01:10:46,172
Okay.

961
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:49,909
Go ahead, try and get the president
of the United States on the phone.

962
01:10:51,645 --> 01:10:54,614
If you try any preversions in
there, I'll blow your head off.

963
01:11:09,230 --> 01:11:12,065
Operator? This is group
captain lionel Mandrake.

964
01:11:12,133 --> 01:11:14,167
I'm speaking from
burpelson air force base.

965
01:11:14,235 --> 01:11:18,171
Something urgent has come up and I want you
to place an emergency person-to-person call...

966
01:11:18,239 --> 01:11:21,374
With president Merkin Muffley
in the pentagon, washington, d.C.

967
01:11:22,709 --> 01:11:25,945
<i>Uh, burpelson
3-9-1-8-0.</i>

968
01:11:27,114 --> 01:11:29,749
No, I'm perfectly serious.
The president, yes.

969
01:11:29,817 --> 01:11:32,152
The president of the United States.

970
01:11:32,219 --> 01:11:35,155
Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't
got enough change.

971
01:11:35,222 --> 01:11:38,658
Could you, uh-- could you make
this a collect call, operator?

972
01:11:43,497 --> 01:11:47,233
[jet engines roaring]

973
01:11:50,604 --> 01:11:54,207
Just one second, operator.
They won't accept the call.

974
01:11:54,275 --> 01:11:56,209
<i>Have you got 55 cents?</i>

975
01:11:56,277 --> 01:11:59,312
You don't think I'd go into combat
with loose change in my pocket, do you?

976
01:12:01,682 --> 01:12:03,649
Operator, look.

977
01:12:03,717 --> 01:12:08,154
Is it possible to make this an
ordinary-- ordinary trunk call?

978
01:12:08,222 --> 01:12:10,990
Well, what do you call
it? You know, um--

979
01:12:11,058 --> 01:12:14,093
Oh, uh,
station-to-station.

980
01:12:18,165 --> 01:12:21,701
Oh, blast! I'm still 20 cents short.

981
01:12:23,537 --> 01:12:26,973
Operator, hold on. I
shan't keep you a second.

982
01:12:27,041 --> 01:12:31,211
Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine. I
want you to shoot the lock off it.

983
01:12:31,278 --> 01:12:33,379
<i>There may be some change in there.</i>

984
01:12:36,217 --> 01:12:38,384
That's private property.

985
01:12:38,452 --> 01:12:41,354
Colonel, can you possibly imagine
what is going to happen to you,

986
01:12:41,421 --> 01:12:44,123
Your frame outlook, way
of life and everything,

987
01:12:44,191 --> 01:12:48,728
When they learn that you have obstructed a phone
call to the president of the United States?

988
01:12:48,795 --> 01:12:52,798
<i>Can you imagine? Shoot it off!</i>

989
01:12:52,867 --> 01:12:56,502
Shoot with the gun! That's what
the bullets are for, you twit!

990
01:12:56,570 --> 01:12:59,438
Okay, I'm gonna get your money for you.

991
01:12:59,506 --> 01:13:02,775
But if you don't get the president on
that phone, you know what's gonna happen?

992
01:13:02,843 --> 01:13:04,244
What?

993
01:13:04,311 --> 01:13:07,947
You're gonna have to answer
to the Coca-Cola company.

994
01:13:09,683 --> 01:13:12,418
[gunshots]

995
01:13:17,024 --> 01:13:20,159
[from P.A. System] this is
sac communications control.

996
01:13:20,227 --> 01:13:23,629
The recall code o.P.E....

997
01:13:23,697 --> 01:13:25,932
Is being acknowledged "roger"...

998
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:30,569
By elements of the
8-4-3 bomb wing.

999
01:13:30,637 --> 01:13:32,671
These are the details.

1000
01:13:32,739 --> 01:13:37,277
Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38...

1001
01:13:37,344 --> 01:13:40,947
Are reported destroyed by enemy action.

1002
01:13:41,015 --> 01:13:44,517
All other missions have
acknowledged recall code.

1003
01:13:44,584 --> 01:13:47,620
This is sac communications
control. Over and out.

1004
01:13:47,687 --> 01:13:51,190
[whistling] gentlemen, gentlemen!

1005
01:13:51,258 --> 01:13:53,759
Ah, gentlemen,

1006
01:13:53,827 --> 01:13:55,795
Mr.  President,

1007
01:13:55,862 --> 01:13:58,431
I'm not a sentimentalist
at all by nature,

1008
01:13:58,498 --> 01:14:01,367
But I think I know what's
in every heart in this room.

1009
01:14:01,435 --> 01:14:04,637
I think we ought to all
just bow our heads...

1010
01:14:04,704 --> 01:14:07,307
And give a short prayer of
thanks for our deliverance.

1011
01:14:07,374 --> 01:14:10,009
Lord,

1012
01:14:10,077 --> 01:14:14,613
Uh, we have heard the wings
of the angel of death...

1013
01:14:14,681 --> 01:14:17,483
Fluttering over our heads
from the valley of fear.

1014
01:14:17,551 --> 01:14:20,353
You have seen fit to deliver
us from the forces of evil--

1015
01:14:20,421 --> 01:14:22,355
Excuse me, sir.

1016
01:14:22,423 --> 01:14:25,258
Premier kissoff's calling
again and he's hopping mad.

1017
01:14:31,966 --> 01:14:35,901
Fuel flow on active engines
and leakage has increased.

1018
01:14:35,970 --> 01:14:40,039
Now works
out at 2-0-5.

1019
01:14:41,075 --> 01:14:43,076
Estimate remaining fuel...

1020
01:14:43,143 --> 01:14:47,080
At
8-7-9-0.

1021
01:14:50,384 --> 01:14:54,220
Uh, roger. Confirm
2-0-5 per minute...

1022
01:14:54,288 --> 01:14:58,424
And remaining
fuel 8-7-9-0.

1023
01:15:04,898 --> 01:15:08,968
No, no, Dimitri, there
must be some mistake.

1024
01:15:09,036 --> 01:15:11,137
No, I'm certain of that.

1025
01:15:11,205 --> 01:15:15,408
I'm perfectly certain of that, Dimitri.

1026
01:15:15,476 --> 01:15:18,378
Just a second. You know what he says?

1027
01:15:18,445 --> 01:15:20,679
He says that one of the
planes hasn't turned back.

1028
01:15:20,747 --> 01:15:23,383
He says according to information
forwarded by our air staffs,

1029
01:15:23,450 --> 01:15:26,352
It's headed for the
missile complex at laputa.

1030
01:15:26,420 --> 01:15:29,288
[mumbling]

1031
01:15:29,356 --> 01:15:32,325
[laughing] that's
impossible, Mr.  President.

1032
01:15:32,393 --> 01:15:34,460
I mean, look at the big board.

1033
01:15:34,528 --> 01:15:37,663
Thirty-four planes, 30 recalls
acknowledged and four splashes,

1034
01:15:37,731 --> 01:15:40,633
And one of them was targeted for laputa.

1035
01:15:43,537 --> 01:15:46,739
Dimitri, look, we've got an
acknowledgement from every plane...

1036
01:15:46,806 --> 01:15:50,043
Except the four you've shot down.

1037
01:15:50,110 --> 01:15:53,179
Oh. Oh.

1038
01:15:54,915 --> 01:15:57,350
[clears
throat] he's--

1039
01:15:57,418 --> 01:15:59,752
Hang on a second, Dimitri.

1040
01:15:59,819 --> 01:16:03,189
He says their air defense now only
claims three aircraft confirmed.

1041
01:16:03,257 --> 01:16:05,791
The fourth may only be damaged.

1042
01:16:07,894 --> 01:16:09,828
Mr.  President,

1043
01:16:09,896 --> 01:16:12,265
I'm beginnin' to smell
a big, fat commie rat.

1044
01:16:12,332 --> 01:16:15,968
I mean, supposin' kissoff is
lyin' about that fourth plane,

1045
01:16:16,036 --> 01:16:18,438
Just lookin' for an
excuse to clobber us?

1046
01:16:18,505 --> 01:16:21,006
If the spaghetti hits the fan,
now we're really in trouble.

1047
01:16:25,079 --> 01:16:27,513
Dimitri, look, if this report is true...

1048
01:16:27,581 --> 01:16:31,384
And the plane manages
to bomb the target,

1049
01:16:31,452 --> 01:16:35,721
Is this-- is this gonna-- is this
gonna set off the doomsday machine?

1050
01:16:38,892 --> 01:16:42,027
Are you sure?

1051
01:16:42,096 --> 01:16:46,632
Well, I-- I guess you're just gonna
have to get that plane, Dimitri.

1052
01:16:46,700 --> 01:16:49,802
Dimitri, I'm sorry they're jamming
your radar and flying so low,

1053
01:16:49,869 --> 01:16:52,271
But they're trained to do it, you know?

1054
01:16:52,339 --> 01:16:55,441
It's initiative.

1055
01:16:55,509 --> 01:16:58,377
Look, Dimitri, you know
exactly where they're going,

1056
01:16:58,445 --> 01:17:01,614
And I'm sure your entire air
defense can stop a single plane.

1057
01:17:04,784 --> 01:17:08,187
It's not gonna help either one of
us if the doomsday machine goes off,

1058
01:17:08,255 --> 01:17:10,889
Now, is it?

1059
01:17:10,957 --> 01:17:16,162
Dimitri, there's no point in you getting
hysterical at a moment like this!

1060
01:17:16,230 --> 01:17:20,500
Dimitri, keep your feet on the
ground when you're talking to me.

1061
01:17:20,567 --> 01:17:22,835
I am not-- I
am not getting--

1062
01:17:22,902 --> 01:17:25,338
No, Dimitri, I'm just worried.

1063
01:17:25,405 --> 01:17:27,340
That's all.

1064
01:17:27,407 --> 01:17:30,443
Now look, if our air staffs say
its primary target is laputa...

1065
01:17:30,511 --> 01:17:32,512
And its secondary target is borchov,

1066
01:17:32,579 --> 01:17:35,981
I mean, it's true, Dimitri,
you gotta believe it!

1067
01:17:36,049 --> 01:17:39,785
Look, can I give-- Dimitri,
can I give you just one word--

1068
01:17:39,853 --> 01:17:43,156
Can I give you just one
word of advice, Dimitri?

1069
01:17:43,223 --> 01:17:45,191
Listen, Dimitri.

1070
01:17:45,259 --> 01:17:48,594
Put everything you've got into those
two sectors, and you can't miss!

1071
01:17:54,918 --> 01:17:58,621
Sir, if we continue to lose
fuel at the present rate,

1072
01:17:58,688 --> 01:18:02,825
I estimate we only have,
uh, 38 minutes flying time,

1073
01:18:02,893 --> 01:18:05,361
Which will not even take
us as far as the primary.

1074
01:18:05,428 --> 01:18:09,365
Doggone it, sweets, you told me that
you could get me to the primary!

1075
01:18:09,432 --> 01:18:11,868
I'm sorry, sir, that
estimate was based on...

1076
01:18:11,935 --> 01:18:15,138
The original loss rate
factor, not at 2-0-5.

1077
01:18:15,205 --> 01:18:17,473
I don't give a hoot
in hell how you do it,

1078
01:18:17,540 --> 01:18:19,708
You just get me to
the primary, you hear?

1079
01:18:19,777 --> 01:18:23,212
I'm sorry, sir, but
those are the figures.

1080
01:18:23,280 --> 01:18:26,548
We'll be lucky to reach
weather ship at tango delta.

1081
01:18:26,616 --> 01:18:28,818
Well, shoot!

1082
01:18:28,886 --> 01:18:32,688
We ain't come this far just to
dump this thing in the drink.

1083
01:18:32,756 --> 01:18:35,324
What's the nearest
target of opportunity?

1084
01:18:44,034 --> 01:18:46,803
Sir, if the rate of
loss does not increase,

1085
01:18:46,870 --> 01:18:50,639
We have a chance to
reach target 3-8-4,

1086
01:18:50,707 --> 01:18:55,544
Grid coordinate
0-0-3-6-9-1...

1087
01:18:55,612 --> 01:18:59,481
And possibly make it from there
to the tango delta weather ship.

1088
01:18:59,549 --> 01:19:01,684
What kind of a target is that, anyhow?

1089
01:19:01,751 --> 01:19:05,688
Sir, that's the I.C.B.M.
Complex at kotloss.

1090
01:19:05,755 --> 01:19:09,458
All right, designating new target:

1091
01:19:09,526 --> 01:19:11,493
3-8-4.

1092
01:19:11,561 --> 01:19:14,596
Give me a rough headin' on that just
as soon as you can get it worked out.

1093
01:19:26,126 --> 01:19:30,046
We'll keep our fingers crossed, Dimitri,
and remember, there's just one thing:

1094
01:19:30,113 --> 01:19:33,049
We are all in this together.
We're right behind you, Dimitri.

1095
01:19:33,116 --> 01:19:35,484
We're with you all the way.

1096
01:19:35,552 --> 01:19:39,255
Yes, well, we'll keep the line open.

1097
01:19:39,323 --> 01:19:41,657
All right, Dimitri.

1098
01:19:42,659 --> 01:19:44,626
General Turgidson,

1099
01:19:44,694 --> 01:19:47,964
Is there really a chance for
that plane to get through?

1100
01:19:49,599 --> 01:19:52,068
Mr.  President, if I may speak freely,

1101
01:19:52,135 --> 01:19:55,071
The ruskie talks big, but frankly
we think he's short of know-how.

1102
01:19:55,138 --> 01:19:57,840
I mean, you just can't expect
a bunch of ignorant peons...

1103
01:19:57,908 --> 01:20:00,343
To understand a machine
like some of our boys.

1104
01:20:00,410 --> 01:20:02,879
And that's not meant as
an insult, Mr.  Ambassador.

1105
01:20:02,946 --> 01:20:05,447
You take your average ruskie, we
all know how much guts he's got.

1106
01:20:05,515 --> 01:20:08,717
Hell, look at all of 'em them nazis
killed off, and they still wouldn't quit!

1107
01:20:08,785 --> 01:20:10,652
Can't you stick to the point, general?

1108
01:20:10,720 --> 01:20:14,490
Well, uh, sir, uh, if
the pilot's good, see--

1109
01:20:14,557 --> 01:20:18,194
I mean, if he's really sharp, he
can barrel that baby in so low.

1110
01:20:18,262 --> 01:20:20,696
You oughta see it
sometime! It's a sight!

1111
01:20:20,764 --> 01:20:23,266
A big plane, like a 52, vroom!

1112
01:20:23,333 --> 01:20:26,402
Its jet exhaust fryin'
chickens in the barnyard!

1113
01:20:26,469 --> 01:20:29,638
-Yeah, but has he got a chance?
-Has he got a chance?

1114
01:20:29,706 --> 01:20:32,808
Hell, yeah--
ye-- ye--

1115
01:20:33,944 --> 01:20:35,912
Yeah.

1116
01:20:56,616 --> 01:20:58,583
Navigator to captain.

1117
01:20:58,651 --> 01:21:02,654
Approaching target
at distance 1-0 miles.

1118
01:21:02,722 --> 01:21:06,058
Switch from green grid to target orange.

1119
01:21:06,126 --> 01:21:07,927
Ready for final bomb run check.

1120
01:21:07,994 --> 01:21:10,729
Take over, ace. Roger.

1121
01:21:16,002 --> 01:21:18,503
- D.S.O. Ready.
- Bombardier ready, sir.

1122
01:21:18,571 --> 01:21:20,772
Bomb fusing, master safety on.

1123
01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:23,943
Electronic barometric time and impact.

1124
01:21:24,010 --> 01:21:26,645
Uh, bomb fusing, master safeties on.

1125
01:21:26,712 --> 01:21:29,448
Electronic barometric time and impact.

1126
01:21:29,515 --> 01:21:33,118
[Kong] fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

1127
01:21:33,186 --> 01:21:35,854
Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

1128
01:21:35,922 --> 01:21:38,690
Bomb fusing circuits
one through four, test.

1129
01:21:38,758 --> 01:21:42,361
Bomb fusing circuits one
through four, test. Lights on.

1130
01:21:42,429 --> 01:21:45,364
<i>Bomb arming test lights
on, one through four.</i>

1131
01:21:45,432 --> 01:21:48,267
Bomb arming test lights
on, one through four.

1132
01:21:48,335 --> 01:21:51,070
[Kong] engage primary
trigger switch override.

1133
01:21:51,137 --> 01:21:54,239
Primary trigger switch override engaged.

1134
01:21:54,307 --> 01:21:56,875
Track indicators to maximum deflection.

1135
01:21:56,943 --> 01:21:59,411
Track indicators to maximum deflection.

1136
01:21:59,479 --> 01:22:02,681
Detonator set to zero altitude.

1137
01:22:02,748 --> 01:22:05,517
Detonator set to zero altitude.

1138
01:22:05,585 --> 01:22:07,286
Release first safety.

1139
01:22:11,524 --> 01:22:13,525
First safety released.

1140
01:22:14,861 --> 01:22:18,297
- First safety.
- Release second safety.

1141
01:22:21,067 --> 01:22:22,934
Second safety released.

1142
01:22:23,003 --> 01:22:25,904
Second safety.

1143
01:22:33,413 --> 01:22:36,115
Check bomb door circuits,
one through four.

1144
01:22:46,659 --> 01:22:50,129
Uh, bomb door circuits,

1145
01:22:50,196 --> 01:22:52,797
Negative function, lights red.

1146
01:22:52,865 --> 01:22:55,467
Switch in backup circuits. Roger.

1147
01:22:55,535 --> 01:22:59,538
Backup circuits switched
in. Still negative function.

1148
01:22:59,605 --> 01:23:03,409
- Engage emergency power.
- Roger.

1149
01:23:03,476 --> 01:23:06,211
Uh, emergency power on.
Still negative function.

1150
01:23:08,248 --> 01:23:10,315
Operate manual override!

1151
01:23:11,817 --> 01:23:13,452
Roger.

1152
01:23:22,962 --> 01:23:25,464
Uh, still negative function.

1153
01:23:25,532 --> 01:23:28,233
The teleflex drive cable
must be sheared away.

1154
01:23:28,301 --> 01:23:32,538
- Fire the explosive bolts!
- Roger.

1155
01:23:45,017 --> 01:23:46,952
Uh--

1156
01:23:47,019 --> 01:23:50,755
Still negative, sir. The
operating circuits are dead, sir.

1157
01:23:56,096 --> 01:24:00,031
Stay on the bomb run, ace. I'm goin'
down below and see what I can do.

1158
01:24:00,100 --> 01:24:02,101
Roger.

1159
01:24:12,178 --> 01:24:14,446
Stay on the bomb run, boys.

1160
01:24:14,514 --> 01:24:18,750
I'm gonna get them doors open if it
harelips everybody on bear creek!

1161
01:24:50,250 --> 01:24:53,818
[electronic shorting-out sounds]

1162
01:25:12,305 --> 01:25:15,174
Target orange grid reference checks.

1163
01:25:15,241 --> 01:25:17,543
Target distance: Eight miles.

1164
01:25:17,610 --> 01:25:19,744
Roger. Eight miles.

1165
01:25:19,812 --> 01:25:22,147
Telemetric guidance
computer into orange grid.

1166
01:25:22,215 --> 01:25:24,650
Telemetric guidance
computer into orange grid.

1167
01:25:33,259 --> 01:25:35,827
Target distance: Seven miles.

1168
01:25:35,895 --> 01:25:39,298
<i>Correct track indicator: Minus seven.</i>

1169
01:25:39,365 --> 01:25:42,934
[ace] roger. Seven miles.
Check g.P.I. Acceleration factor.

1170
01:25:43,002 --> 01:25:45,036
G.P.I. Acceleration factor set.

1171
01:25:48,408 --> 01:25:50,909
<i>Target distance: Six miles.</i>

1172
01:25:50,976 --> 01:25:54,580
Roger. Six miles. Pulse
"ident" transponder active.

1173
01:25:54,647 --> 01:25:57,282
Pulse ident transponder active.

1174
01:26:04,324 --> 01:26:07,392
<i>Target distance: Five miles.</i>

1175
01:26:07,460 --> 01:26:11,430
[ace] five miles. Homing
alignment factor to zero mode.

1176
01:26:11,497 --> 01:26:13,532
Homing alignment factor to zero mode.

1177
01:26:17,103 --> 01:26:19,638
<i>Target distance: Four miles.</i>

1178
01:26:19,706 --> 01:26:21,640
Roger. Four miles.

1179
01:26:21,708 --> 01:26:24,376
Auto c.D.C. Into manual teleflex link.

1180
01:26:24,444 --> 01:26:27,078
Auto c.D.C. Into manual teleflex link.

1181
01:26:37,257 --> 01:26:39,791
Target distance: Three miles.

1182
01:26:39,859 --> 01:26:42,427
Roger. Three miles.

1183
01:26:42,495 --> 01:26:46,164
Target in sight! Where
in hell is major Kong?

1184
01:26:54,807 --> 01:26:57,559
[whooshing sound]

1185
01:26:57,627 --> 01:27:00,279
Ya-hoo!

1186
01:27:02,782 --> 01:27:05,350
Ya-hoo!

1187
01:27:05,418 --> 01:27:07,819
Ya-hoo!

1188
01:27:09,855 --> 01:27:14,626
- Hey, what about
major Kong? - Ya-hoo!

1189
01:27:14,694 --> 01:27:19,531
Ye-haw!

1190
01:27:19,599 --> 01:27:23,435
Whoo-hoo!

1191
01:27:39,319 --> 01:27:43,054
Mr.  President, I would
not rule out the chance...

1192
01:27:43,122 --> 01:27:46,191
To preserve a nucleus
of human specimens.

1193
01:27:46,258 --> 01:27:49,127
<i>It would be quite easy.</i>

1194
01:27:49,195 --> 01:27:51,496
[laughing]

1195
01:27:51,564 --> 01:27:53,765
At the bottom of, uh,

1196
01:27:53,833 --> 01:27:56,668
Some of our deeper mine shafts.

1197
01:27:56,736 --> 01:28:01,573
The radioactivity would never penetrate
a mine some thousands of feet deep.

1198
01:28:01,641 --> 01:28:05,877
And in a matter of weeks, sufficient
improvements in dwelling space...

1199
01:28:05,945 --> 01:28:07,912
<i>Could easily be provided.</i>

1200
01:28:07,980 --> 01:28:10,716
How long would you have
to stay down there?

1201
01:28:10,783 --> 01:28:14,686
Well, that's, you
know, uh-- [inhaling]

1202
01:28:14,754 --> 01:28:17,389
Cobalt thorium g.

1203
01:28:17,457 --> 01:28:19,458
Uh--

1204
01:28:23,863 --> 01:28:25,864
Uh--

1205
01:28:27,667 --> 01:28:31,470
Radioactive
half-life of, uh--

1206
01:28:31,537 --> 01:28:33,505
Hmm.

1207
01:28:33,573 --> 01:28:37,041
I would think that, uh, possibly, uh,

1208
01:28:37,109 --> 01:28:39,544
One hundred years.

1209
01:28:39,612 --> 01:28:41,546
You mean,

1210
01:28:41,614 --> 01:28:44,616
People could actually stay
down there for 100 years?

1211
01:28:44,684 --> 01:28:46,918
<i>It would not be difficult, mein fuhrer.</i>

1212
01:28:46,986 --> 01:28:49,254
Nuclear reactors
could-- [laughing]

1213
01:28:49,321 --> 01:28:51,656
<i>I'm sorry, Mr.  President.</i>

1214
01:28:51,724 --> 01:28:55,560
Nuclear reactors could provide
power almost indefinitely.

1215
01:28:55,628 --> 01:28:58,463
Greenhouses could maintain plant life.

1216
01:28:58,531 --> 01:29:02,100
Animals could be bred and slaughtered.

1217
01:29:02,167 --> 01:29:04,102
A quick survey would have to be made...

1218
01:29:04,169 --> 01:29:06,638
Of all the available
mine sites in the country.

1219
01:29:06,706 --> 01:29:10,509
But I would guess that
a dwelling space...

1220
01:29:10,576 --> 01:29:14,212
For several hundred thousand of
our people could easily be provided.

1221
01:29:14,280 --> 01:29:17,416
Well, I-- I would hate
to have to decide...

1222
01:29:17,483 --> 01:29:20,419
Who stays up and who goes down.

1223
01:29:20,486 --> 01:29:24,389
Well, that would not be
necessary, Mr.  President.

1224
01:29:24,457 --> 01:29:27,292
It could easily be
accomplished with a computer.

1225
01:29:27,359 --> 01:29:29,694
And the computer could
be set and programmed...

1226
01:29:29,762 --> 01:29:32,831
To accept factors from youth, health,

1227
01:29:32,899 --> 01:29:36,067
Sexual fertility, intelligence...

1228
01:29:36,135 --> 01:29:38,637
And a cross-section
of necessary skills.

1229
01:29:38,704 --> 01:29:40,972
Of course, it would
be absolutely vital...

1230
01:29:41,040 --> 01:29:44,976
That our top government and
military men be included,

1231
01:29:45,044 --> 01:29:47,579
<i>To foster and impart the
required principles...</i>

1232
01:29:47,647 --> 01:29:49,881
Of leadership and tradition.

1233
01:29:49,949 --> 01:29:51,950
Aaah!

1234
01:29:55,955 --> 01:29:58,890
Naturally, they would
breed prodigiously, eh?

1235
01:29:58,958 --> 01:30:01,726
There would be much
time and little to do.

1236
01:30:01,794 --> 01:30:03,762
<i>[giggling]</i>

1237
01:30:03,830 --> 01:30:08,299
<i>But with the proper breeding
techniques and a ratio of, say,</i>

1238
01:30:08,367 --> 01:30:11,135
<i>Ten females to each male,</i>

1239
01:30:11,203 --> 01:30:13,605
<i>I would guess that they could
then work their way back...</i>

1240
01:30:13,673 --> 01:30:17,676
<i>To the present gross national
product within, say, 20 years.</i>

1241
01:30:17,743 --> 01:30:19,678
But look here, doctor.

1242
01:30:19,745 --> 01:30:23,482
Wouldn't this nucleus
of survivors be so...

1243
01:30:23,549 --> 01:30:26,785
Grief-stricken and
anguished that they--

1244
01:30:26,853 --> 01:30:30,321
Well, envy the dead and
not want to go on living?

1245
01:30:30,389 --> 01:30:33,291
No, sir. Excuse me.

1246
01:30:42,568 --> 01:30:46,471
When they go down into the mine,
everyone would still be alive.

1247
01:30:46,539 --> 01:30:48,607
There would be no shocking memories...

1248
01:30:48,674 --> 01:30:53,378
And the prevailing emotion will be
one of nostalgia for those left behind,

1249
01:30:53,445 --> 01:30:56,314
Combined with a spirt of...

1250
01:30:56,382 --> 01:30:58,783
Bold curiosity for the adventure ahead!

1251
01:30:58,851 --> 01:31:00,852
Aaah!

1252
01:31:06,859 --> 01:31:08,927
Aaah!

1253
01:31:16,335 --> 01:31:18,302
Doctor,

1254
01:31:20,472 --> 01:31:23,842
You mentioned the, uh, ratio of, uh,

1255
01:31:23,910 --> 01:31:26,077
Ten women to each man.

1256
01:31:26,145 --> 01:31:29,080
Now, wouldn't that
necessitate the abandonment...

1257
01:31:29,148 --> 01:31:32,817
Of the so-called monogamous
sexual relationship?

1258
01:31:32,885 --> 01:31:36,688
I mean, as far as men were concerned?

1259
01:31:36,756 --> 01:31:38,690
Regrettably, yes.

1260
01:31:38,758 --> 01:31:43,562
But it is, you know, a sacrifice
required for the future of the human race.

1261
01:31:43,629 --> 01:31:48,667
I hasten to add that since each man
will be required to do prodigious...

1262
01:31:50,369 --> 01:31:52,336
Service along these lines,

1263
01:31:52,404 --> 01:31:56,174
The women will have to be selected
for their sexual characteristics,

1264
01:31:56,241 --> 01:32:00,045
Which will have to be of a
highly stimulating nature.

1265
01:32:00,112 --> 01:32:03,949
I must confess, you have an
astonishingly good idea there, doctor.

1266
01:32:04,016 --> 01:32:06,585
Thank you, sir.

1267
01:32:06,652 --> 01:32:09,588
I think we ought to look at this
from the military point of view.

1268
01:32:09,655 --> 01:32:13,558
I mean, uh, supposing the ruskies...

1269
01:32:13,626 --> 01:32:16,561
Stashed away some big
bombs, see, and we didn't?

1270
01:32:16,629 --> 01:32:19,564
When they come out in 100
years, they could take over!

1271
01:32:19,632 --> 01:32:21,633
[faceman] I agree, Mr. President.

1272
01:32:21,701 --> 01:32:25,103
They might even try an immediate sneak attack
so they could take over our mine shaft space.

1273
01:32:25,170 --> 01:32:27,706
[Turgidson] it'd be extremely
naive of us, Mr. President,

1274
01:32:27,773 --> 01:32:29,774
To imagine that these
new developments...

1275
01:32:29,842 --> 01:32:32,744
Are gonna cause any change in
soviet expansionist policy!

1276
01:32:32,812 --> 01:32:35,680
I mean, we must be
increasingly on the alert...

1277
01:32:35,748 --> 01:32:38,249
To prevent them from taking
over other mine shaft space...

1278
01:32:38,317 --> 01:32:40,451
In order to breed more
prodigiously than we do,

1279
01:32:40,519 --> 01:32:43,488
Thus knocking us out through
superior numbers when we emerge!

1280
01:32:43,555 --> 01:32:47,659
Mr. President, we must not
allow a mine-shaft gap!

1281
01:32:47,727 --> 01:32:49,828
Sir!

1282
01:32:49,895 --> 01:32:52,196
I have a plan--

1283
01:32:53,666 --> 01:32:56,001
<i>Mein fuhrer,</i>

1284
01:32:56,068 --> 01:32:58,737
I can walk!

1285
01:33:04,076 --> 01:33:07,846
♪ We'll meet again

1286
01:33:07,913 --> 01:33:10,448
♪ Don't know where

1287
01:33:10,516 --> 01:33:14,119
♪ Don't know when

1288
01:33:14,186 --> 01:33:17,956
♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪

1289
01:33:18,024 --> 01:33:21,926
♪ Some sunny day

1290
01:33:24,764 --> 01:33:28,566
♪ Keep smiling through

1291
01:33:28,634 --> 01:33:33,938
♪ Just like you always do

1292
01:33:34,006 --> 01:33:36,507
♪ 'til the blue skies

1293
01:33:36,575 --> 01:33:42,113
♪ Drive the dark clouds far away ♪

1294
01:33:43,282 --> 01:33:47,318
♪ So will you please say hello ♪

1295
01:33:47,386 --> 01:33:49,921
♪ To the folks that I know

1296
01:33:49,989 --> 01:33:53,992
♪ Tell them I won't be long ♪

1297
01:33:55,061 --> 01:33:57,829
♪ They'll be happy to know

1298
01:33:57,897 --> 01:34:00,799
♪ That as you saw me go

1299
01:34:00,866 --> 01:34:05,236
♪ I was singing this song

1300
01:34:06,438 --> 01:34:10,175
♪ We'll meet again

1301
01:34:10,242 --> 01:34:12,777
♪ Don't know where

1302
01:34:12,845 --> 01:34:15,980
♪ Don't know when

1303
01:34:16,048 --> 01:34:20,685
♪ But I know we'll meet again

1304
01:34:20,753 --> 01:34:29,560
♪ Some sunny day