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- The following excerpts from the Elder Scrolls are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a casuel would take anything written here as fact.
- ---
- Original post by Anonymous:
- >be me
- >be last month, in imperial city, at a bar
- >pound back three bottles of cyrodiilic brandy
- >snort a fat line of moon sugar
- >feelsgoodman.png
- >see an imperial grill at other end of the bar
- >8/10 qt3.14, nice rack, tight ass
- >usually a bit of a secunda, but wasted enough to masser the fuck up
- >head over and tip my colovian fur helm
- >"gosh, anon, i like your hat"
- >fuckyes.jpg
- >"m'lady, if you entertain the sight of this hat, i might only think you would lust after my /other/ hat"
- >she sheds a single tear at my astounding poise and wit
- >take her upstairs to my room
- >we banged ok
- >get woken up the next morning
- >six imperial legionnaires in my room, one looks like a general or something
- >grill nowhere to be seen
- >"you're coming with us," says the general
- >super fucking confused, and have a raging hangover
- >"why, what'd i do?"
- >"you raped my daughter"
- >ofck
- >fucking feminist bitch probably regretted it the morning after
- >no idea what to say, so i just kind of stare at him
- might post more if you s'witlords are interested
- ---
- Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
- seems like this might be good, OP, continue
- ---
- Posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
- >tip my colovian fur helm
- holy shit op is a fargoth
- >you raped my daughter
- top fucking kek, might watch this thread
- ---
- Quoting previous post, posted by DibellaSparkles!nkxIlgfza:
- >thinking rape is funny
- >3E426+1
- i mean i guess it's par for the course for a fucking daedra
- and you sound like scum, op
- ---
- Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
- MOAR OP PLZ!!11!1eleven!!!
- ---
- The next several posts are a back-and-forth exchange of low-quality snark and bait between namefargoths M0lagBallin and DibellaSparkles.
- His pathetic attempts at alpha-ness and her desperate attention-whoring are both painfully obvious.
- ---
- Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
- for fuck's sake you two should get a room and let op finish
- also dibella tits or gtfo, you know the rules
- ---
- Posted by Anonymous:
- [[The attached picture is a crudely-shopped reaction image of Orvas Dren laughing, with a glass of liquor in hand]]
- k, i'll post the rest
- >imperial general clubs me over the head
- >wake up in a prison carriage next to a fucking catboy
- >also some dunmer thug with one eye
- >still hungover and feeling the need for some moon sugar
- >don't even have my colovian fur helm
- >feelsbadman.jpg
- >look at the thug and ask him where the fuck we are
- >"in a carriage, heading for morrowind."
- >"why in oblivion are we going to morrowind"
- >"fuck if i know, mer, i just beat up some kid for his sweetroll"
- >awkward silence the rest of the way until we board a ship
- >i'm exhausted so i pass the fuck out
- >have some weird ass hallucination dream with a fucking cliff racer in it
- >some bitch is saying i'm chosen
- >wake up since sweetroll-thug is shaking me
- >"wake up, you were dreaming. what's your name?"
- >tell him my fucking name, since why try at this point
- >this s'witlord starts laughing
- >"what kind of name is 'Nerrvurrin'?"
- >a little pissed, ask him what his name is
- >"Ice Jiub."
- >mfw
- ---
- Posted by SwagDaddySheo!97dsbnagna:
- >ice-jiub
- fucking 10/10
- ---
- Quoting previous post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
- sure is summer in this thread
- ---
- Also quoting SwagDaddySheo's post, posted by NocturnalGoddess!sbabzzgjsf:
- seriously, you're the cancer that is killing these scrolls
- ---
- Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
- MOAR OP PLZ MY EYES ARE LITERALLY BLEEDING HERE
- ---
- Posted by Anonymous:
- [[The attached picture is an image of a Senche-Tiger with its snout covered in white powder, captioned "KHAJIIT FUCKING LOVES THE SUGAR"]]
- >anyway, end up in this backwater town called Seyda Neen
- >have to explain to like six different retards that i'm actually a dunmer and do in fact have a penis
- >some seventy year old pedophile even wants to know my birthsign
- >tell him it's the serpent just to make him shut up
- >these s'witlords release me for some fucking reason and tell me to deliver a package
- >actually meet some fargoth named Fargoth, who acts exactly like a stereotypical fargoth
- >i can't even make this shit up
- >hop on the silt strider to get to civilization as quickly as possible
- >end up in a city called Balmora, where the package recipient lives
- >show up at his place
- >mfw it's a shirtless, balding skooma-addict
- >mfw there's moon sugar
- >i knock this guy out then snort three fat lines
- >wait for him to wake up, dump the package on him
- >he's pretty pissed but gives me a bunch of gold and says i'm a blade
- >"what the fuck is a blade"
- >he explains that i'm now the emperor's secret agent
- >don't bother to tell him i was thrown in jail for rape
- i was honestly too high for the next couple of weeks to remember much beyond talking to a bunch of boring people and stabbing a few fetchers in a dwemer ruin
- ---
- Posted by Anonymous:
- [[The attached picture is an image of a very stoned-looking dunmer male]]
- >wake up in a monastery
- >7/10 qt priest grill is telling me i'm some kind of chosen one
- >lol whatever, k
- >ask her if she wants to see my chosen one
- >she's totally into it
- >we banged ok
- >didn't even need a colovian fur helm this time
- >think to myself that all morrowind grills must be sloots
- >i skip town before she wakes up and head to vivec city to find more moon sugar and bitches
- >get really really trashed
- >end up staggering into some palace with this catboy thief
- >some twink is floating around inside
- >looks surprised that we got past the lock
- >catboy passes out
- >i take his skooma and offer some to the floating ladyboytwinkthing
- >it declines me
- >think to myself that this is too fucking surreal
- >might be a dream
- >don't wake up
- >oshit, lucid dreaming tho
- >i imagine some more moon sugar into existence and snort it
- >ask the twinkgirlboi if it wants to have sex because, hey, why not?
- >it declines me again
- >it tells me to gtfo before it throws me out
- >masser the fuck up because this is my dream you s'witlord
- >imagine the twink to death
- >it's dead
- >decide to loot the place, only find some gauntlet and a bunch of weird papers
- >papers talk about some 'dagoth ur' fargoth
- >papers talk about how vivec plans to kill him
- >mfw i just imagined some god-twink to death
- >remember it's just a fucked up dream
- ---
- Posted by xXxM0thPr13s+69xXx!ozOtJW9BFA:
- OP PLS I NEED MOAR NOW PL-
- sfa;kgq3ghasgajSGADGHASGGAGAG
- ---
- Quoting the above post, posted by M0lagBallin!Kzlbefigua:
- rofl he's blind
- STAY #REKT MOTHFARGOTH
- also,
- >the floating ladyboytwinkthing
- i fucked his ass once, it was 3/10
- ---
- Quoting the above post, posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
- pics plz
- ---
- The next several posts form an image dump of frames from a Molag Bal/Vivec sex tape.
- ---
- Posted by Anonymous:
- i fapped, but anyway
- >read the documents and stuff, imagine that the twink was just jealous of this dagoth ur thing
- >probably a hot trap
- >head to red mountain and walk downstairs into this dwemer complex
- >some dude in a gold mask is hanging out with some creepy old ash guys
- >there's a weird heart-thing in a giant fake person
- >one of these ash dudes has a shortsword, the other has a hammer
- >they all give me the rapeface
- >nope.jpg
- >imagine them all to death too
- >snort some fat lines of the moon sugar
- >pretty fucking high at this point
- >decide that it's a good idea to use the heart as a bongo and the sword and hammer as drumsticks
- >bang around on it for a while
- >suddenly it explodes
- >whatthefuck.png
- >giant fake person falls into the lava below
- >realize that my hands are charred to the bone for some reason
- >whatever, imagine that they're fine
- >they're fine
- >wandered around morrowind for a while until i found a scroll
- >took me a while to figure out the jargon
- >saw you s'witlords shitposting
- >decided to post as well
- so yeah, that's it.
- ---
- Posted by Sanguine!sfZiofiZadb:
- 8/10 story OP. you seem like a pretty cool dude.
- should come hang out with me in Akavir and bang qt3.14 snake grills.
- ---
- Quoting the above post, posted by Anonymous:
- cool, I'll imagine i'm there, just give me a sec.
- ---
- Subsequent image posts in the thread are of Sanguine, in the form of a Dremora, and a Dunmer male. They all involve obscene amounts of drugs and sexay-fein Tsaesci women. One is captioned, "u mirin n'wah?"
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