On a warm summer's evenin
On a train bound for Dreamhack
I met up with a streamer
Playing Smash against some Sheik
So we took turns a-playin
Singles matches on CRT
The Melee overtook us, he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've won two EVOs
Thanks to readin' people's inputs
Knowin' what their moves were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind me sayin'
I can see you tryin to moonwalk
For a taste of your Bud Light
I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the game got deathly silent
And his face lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play Melee, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You've got to know when to wavedash
Know when to down smash
Know when to jump away
Know when to tech
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the setup
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tourney's done

Every Smasher knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' when to go real deep
And knowin' when to camp
'Cause every set’s a winner
And every^ set’s a loser
And the best that you can hope for
Is to never go 0-2"

And when he finished speakin'
He turned back towards his PC
Crushed out his cigarette
And started up a stream
And sometime in the livestream
The smasher, he got bodied
And in his final words
I found a move that I could spam

You've got to know when to wavedash
Know when to down smash
Know when to jump away
Know when to tech
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the setup
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the tourney's done