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Oracle

A Gamer and his Fluffies

Jun 14th, 2012
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  1. >After weeks of organizing, scheduling, re-scheduling, and cajoling, you've finally done it.
  2. >You managed to find a night this month when you and all your old gaming buddies were free at the same time.
  3. >Being an adult with responsibilities and relationships and obligations makes it really hard to get together with your old friends for a few hours, and just chuck dice.
  4. >So everything is set up. Food was ordered and picked up, beer and soft drinks were stocked, coasters were strategically deployed on every flat surface of the house, and all distractions were eliminated.
  5. >Tonight it's just you and your four best bros from back in the day.
  6. >Then the first phone call comes.
  7. >"Sorry man, I've got the kids this weekend."
  8. "But it's Thursday!"
  9. >"Yeah, but I have to, y'know, buy actual food and stuff."
  10. >Okay, you and three best buds.
  11. >The second call comes almost as soon as you hung up on the first.
  12. >"Yeah, sorry bout this, but Angelica wants me to go with her to talk to some people about the wedding."
  13. "No, dude, I understand. Maybe we can reschedule some other time."
  14. >"Thanks. I really wanted to be there."
  15. "It's cool."
  16. >An hour of cold food later, and a half-hour after you were supposed to have started playing, the third guy calls to bail.
  17. >He honestly tells you that his clan has a raid tonight, and they need his DPS.
  18. >He then bores you for almost twenty minutes about how awesome his WoW toon is.
  19. >You set the phone down and walk off to microwave some pizza.
  20. >When you come back, he's still talking.
  21. >Eventually you realize he's playing WoW as he's talking, and has totally forgotten he has you on the phone.
  22. >You politely tell him that you'll try to reschedule later, and that your cell phone battery is dying, before just hanging up.
  23. >You were on a land line, but cell phone battery... will to live... same difference really.
  24. >As the clock ticks past the hour mark, you plug your TV in, and realize your fourth friend isn't coming either.
  25. >Everything you did was a total waste. You have more food here than you will eat all month...
  26. >Who are you kidding, your fat ass will choke it down by next week.
  27. >What gets you most is the depression of having something you've been looking forward to all this time not happen at all.
  28. >Guess it's time to watch netflix.
  29. >You pour a beer, then head outside to pitch the empty bottle into the recycling.
  30. >Looks like the wind was a bit fiercer than you thought last night. Your recycle bin is halfway down the street, and you have to hike off to get it.
  31. >Carting it back, you see that your front door has also drifted open.
  32. >Still, the street is quiet, nobody skulks through your neighborhood at odd hours looking for easy marks.
  33. >is that how criminals talk these days? You dismiss the idle notion.
  34. >anyway, you were only gone for a minute.
  35. >"Wha dis pwace?" "Wawm!" "Nu howm?"
  36. >Which is apparently long enough for a herd of stray fluffy ponies to make their way up your front stoop and into your open foyer.
  37. >You push your door open a little further, sliding one of the filthy stray micro-horse... things across the linoleum in the process."
  38. >"Wahh! Why gib fwuffy owchies? Fwuffy gud fwuffy!"
  39. >Ignore them, just get them out.
  40. >"Alright, you talking rats, my house."
  41. >"Dis yuu pwace?" "Owwies... poopie-pwace stiw huwt."
  42. >You take stock of the trio of candy-colored miscreants. One blue pegasi with tan mane, one hazard-cone orange unicorn with a taffy blue mane, and a bubblegum-pink and blonde one that you hope is a girl, for the sake of it's own color scheme.
  43. >With a gleam of hope in it's eye, the Pink one rears up on it's hind legs, and strikes a "pleading" pose.
  44. >"Nu fwiend? Wan' pway?"
  45. >You're about to just grab a fist full of filthy fluff and eject them from the premises, when a realization strikes you.
  46. >You *do* want to play.
  47. >And all your old, close friends appear to have decided that their present was more important than their past...
  48. >"... well, that depends, can I pick the game?"
  49. >The three little creatures look overjoyed "Fwuffy wuv gameh! Pway Bwock? Pway stwing? Pway hid'?"
  50. >"I was thinking, play Heroes."
  51. >The three fuzzballs look at you with love and anticipation. "Hewos? How pway hewos?"
  52. >"You'll see. But first... let's clean you up."
  53. >The happily chirping ponies obediently follow you, until the edge of the linoleum, where you have a sudden realization.
  54. >They are tracking... unmentionable everywhere behind them.
  55. >Ohshit.
  56. >Turn really quick and yell.
  57. "EVERYBODY FREEZE WHERE THEY STAND!"
  58. >The fluffies stop, and cower in terror.
  59. >"Wha'?" "Owwies!" "Nuu!"
  60. >The Blue Pegasi craps himself. Lucky you, he's still on the linoleum.
  61. >You don't really understand the whole "fluffy shit smell is the most abhorrent thing in the universe" thing.
  62. >After all, you've been to Gencon.
  63. >And, once, a furry con.
  64. >You were young and naive!
  65. >"First part of the game! the stay-there game! Stand where you are! Don't move from your spot, or you aren't a hero!"
  66. >"Nuuuuu!" "Wan' be Hewo!" "Wah'?"
  67. >They stay stock still, shaking slightly in place.
  68. >You pick up the (hopefully) emptied blue pegasi.
  69. "Good! you all stood still! Now stay where you are, and you'll each be rewarded. I say... this one gets his reward first!"
  70. >*Gasp* "Wewad'! Yayy! Fwuffy wuv wewad! Wah' wewad?"
  71. "You get to be cleansed by the sacred waters of the Tap!"
  72. >He starts to struggle. "Nuu! Wawa bad fo' fwuffy!"
  73. "No, noble pegasis, these waters will cleanse away all bad things, leaving you pure!"
  74. >"Wah'... Fwuffy name Pehgus? Yuu gif fwuffy name?"
  75. "Er, Yeah, I guess I did."
  76. >"Yayy! Fwuffy name Pehgus! Pehgus wuv daddeh!"
  77. >You appear to have adopted them now.
  78. >Well, no time to dwell on it.
  79. >You put the fluffy pony into the sink, and grab a wash cloth off the stack.
  80. "We have to do this right, so Pegasis, hold still..."
  81. >You wash away the accumulated grease and grime from his coat, putting a little shine back into his fluff as you do so. You've had Fluffy ponies before, and know how easily the expire around deep water.
  82. "I anoint thee, Pegasis. Now, do you have to make poopies?"
  83. >"Yeh."
  84. "Okay, hold on..."
  85. >You dig an old shallow plastic tub out from under the sink.
  86. "Until i get more litter, make your poopies in this box."
  87. >You set him down. His face scrunches, and a generously sized turd is deposited... along with some pee which kinda just spreads around the edges of the container.
  88. >Yeah, The Furry-con smelled wayyy worse.
  89. >After setting Pegasis down in the bathtub and retrieving the other fluffies, you perform similar rituals with them.
  90. >The Unicorn gets called, creatively, "Unicorn". Her cleaned and poop-free butt is placed in the bathtub alongside Pegasis. And as you are about to name the pink generic fluffy, you discover to your own dismay that it's a boy.
  91. >And by fluffy standards... he's probably quite a boy.
  92. >Brain is not going there.
  93. "So, what to name you? Hrm..."
  94. >"Gif fwuffy name? Fwuffy wan' name!"
  95. "Hold on, this has to be special..."
  96. >"Spesha'."
  97. "And... meaningful."
  98. >"Meni-fuh?"
  99. "and awesome."
  100. >"Aw-sho?"
  101. "Like... Warhorse"
  102. >"Wah-howse?"
  103. "Yeah... Warhorse."
  104. >It's over-sized eyes go cross, and it takes a deep, fluffy breath. "Spesha, meni-fuh, aw-sho wah-howse?" breath "Iz fwuffy's name spesha meni-fuh aw-sho wah..." cough, gag, INHALE! "Howse?"
  105. Er, no, your name is just "warhorse"
  106. "Jush Wah-howse. Jush Wha-howse wuv yu daddeh!"
  107. Close enough.
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