If global warming isn’t real why did club penguin shut down,

Girl you thicker than a bowl of oatmeal,

When you’ve got time, yeah I’ve got time,

Stop making fun of my name,

Confirm your twitter account you ignorant slut, I got really offended until I realized that is actually my account name,

I’m dead, so today I was lookin at a girl because she had a piece of lettuce in her hair and she looks at me and said I have a boyfriend okay lettuce head,

The house tonight, exists, party rockers,

The only b word I’ll ever call my bitch is boar vessel 600 to 500 BC etruscan ceramic,

When someone I admire gives me a genuine compliment,

Watches own story 500 times, me, ha-ha-ha-ha, yes, good stuff,

You’re a fucking genius, this is the internet you can curse, spells fuck, censors ing, incredible,

My printer, me afraid with tears in my eyes, don’t say that,

Sneak 100,

When EU forbids meemes but you use paint instead,

I hate how your family stops giving you money on your birthday as you get older, like I need it more now than I did when I was 7 susan I’m starving,

Rest in peace, I never told you how much you inspired me when you were here thank you for existing, EU meemes,

People, are you okay, me, yea, no worries,

Teacher, does anyone here know about medieval siege weapons, me,

Life hack, cutting your tennis balls in half allows you to store 2 more balls in each can saving space,

If I’m walking my dog and you don’t smile at her as we walk past I’m going to assume you’re a terrible person,

When you look inside your guitar to find your pick,

Roses are red, I’m going to bed,

Teacher, age doesn’t matter follow your passion, toby, toby age 3,

First pancakes and now burgers, If you can’t tell we’re trying to corner the market on circle foods, hashtag circle empire, okay iHob,

I accidentally voted on a insta poll that a girl’s dog was ugly and she’s blocked me ha-ha-ha-ha,

When everyone is getting off the bus and no one thanks the bus driver, there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere,

Just lost my virginity to crazy frog, clarification, I lost my virginity while the song was playing not to the crazy frog,

An audiobook that is 8 hours of breathing and page turning with a surprised oh out loud right at the end,

Getting married at 23 is like leaving the club at 9 PM, not everyone likes the club,

The pacific ocean has 3.9 stars out of 5 on google maps, who the fuck is downvoting the ocean,

Sandy cheeks, I wish I was back in texas, the ocean is no place for a squirrel, I wish I was back in texas the prettiest place in the world, I guess deep in my heart I’ll always be a texas girl, I wanna go hoooome,

Spotify, I’ve painstakingly curated these six new playlists for you I do this everyday to please you I love you, apple music, have you heard the new drake song lol,

Roses are red I put jam on my crackers, if you nut in space it pushes you backwards,

Mom’s spaghetti, knees weak, arms are heavy,

I like going to walmart for fun, it’s the small things mark, what’s your favorite thing to do in our stores, at walmart, steal,

When you tell gram gram you’re not really hungry but you’ll have one meatball,

Highlight of the weekend is nearly getting stabbed by a girl called niamh for saying her name sounds like a car passing you really fast,

Showers are just domesticated rain,

How I lost my virginity to a thin mint cookie with pictures,

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral, A man leans in to her and asks do you mind if I say a word, no go right ahead the woman replies, the man stands clears his throat says plethora and sits back down, thanks the woman says that means a lot,

When your grandpa dies but he got buried wearing an expensive rolex, tomb raider,

I’m ending the debate once and for all, fahrenheit is better than celsius because you can truthfully see that it’s 69 degrees outside and go nice rather than immediately collapsing from heat exhaustion, also you can cook and reasonably often set your oven to 420 degrees,

I swear 2018 went Januaryyyyyyy February-march-april-may-june,

The existence of complex polyhedra, dogbert is unperturb, a slight leaf touches the front door so gently like a kiss, dogbert is distress,

Real gold, fool’s gold, comedy gold, saying merry christmas whenever you hand someone something,

Does wendy’s still do the for for for, my dude would you like to buy a vowel, lol,

Food 200 dollars, data 150 dollars, rent 800 dollars, candles 3,600 dollars, utility 150 dollars, someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this, my family is dying, spend less on candles, no,

House party in a movie starter pack, quiet kid becomes most popular at party, darn kids keep the noise down, always red cups, sweetie our flight was just cancelled we will be home in 20 minutes,

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses slash contacts, like they can literally see with no aid, like they wake up and just be out here seeing, what a wild concept,

When sweden plays against denmark the scoreboard will display swe-den, the unused letters remaining are den-mark,

I was just in an uber pool with a couple going to their wedding and they had the audacity to be mad at me for joining the pool even though they chose uber pool on their wedding day,

When you visit a new country and don’t want to try your luck with a random local restaurant,

Fuck it one shot of tequila won’t hurt, 3 hours later, man kicked out of McDonalds for putting his dick in a burger and yelling this is real meat you fuckers,

Me, bus drivers, thanking the bus driver,

The girl I babysit has made me watch Wall-e at least 10 times so I assumed it was her favorite movie but today her mom told me that she watches it because she thinks its my favorite movie,

Had 20 minutes to spare so I decided to go see the fam,

I just took my shorty to get her nails done, well take her back,

Welcome to windows 95, did you know, touch your monitor, it is warm like flesh, but it is not flesh, not yet, microsoft has an agenda it seems,

During labor the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he gets barely touched,

Teacher, you failed your exam, student, you failed to teach me,

Does masturbation make you colorblind, no, no but in yellow,

It’s so funny watching people you went to school with try to be political on facebook lmfaoo like dude I remember when you got a 14 on the ACT spare me your economic reform policies,

When you stop petting your dog for 1.3 seconds,

Jokes that make no sense, actual human, gunshots, E,

Told my coworker I was ambidextrous this nigga said that’s wassup bro love who you love lmfaoo,

Me, alright here’s a list of things I need to do today, let’s get to work, my body, nap,

When you show your man a meeme about cheating and he starts laughing a little too hard,

Person, the original song is always better than the cover, me, fairy godmother I need a hero, theme of the original film shrek 2,

Me, the whole tiddy,

So glad I grew up doing this not this,

Me, my sincere thanks, the bus driver,

Normal people, people who thank the bus driver, people who thank the bus, people who thank the dinosaurs for being used as energy for the bus,

Writer, writes novel with no underlying meaning whatsoever, literature teachers, hmm,

Don’t say it, don’t you say it, ant-man got a solo movie before you did,

The perfect girl doesn’t exi- hope, 19, the p is silent at night,

Why jordan get so much credit for playing 1 game with the flu, magic johnson played seasons with aids,

Would y’all answer the phone during sex, if it’s my girlfriend yes that’s my baby,

The reason it took them more than 10 years to release incredibles 2,

Don’t let the bourgeois swine try and hide the fact that vladimir lenin was building inspector in bob the builder,

Damnit all my chess pieces fell over,

When you only want the top quality and nothing else will do, 51,

No mom I didn’t wake up at noon, I woke up at 11 and scrolled through all apps in my social media folder for an hour then I decided to get out of bed,

ME to me, stop, spending, money, like, you’re, not, broke, stupid, irresponsible, ass, bitch,

I’m 18 now and girls can’t say I’m too young anymore, I will fuck everyone in this planet, this is aggressive brian, austin I will literally fuck you,

Summer is college is wild, you have people working 40 plus hours a week others crying because they’re not getting enough hours at work you got people traveling the world with no budget and reminding us about it on instagram and others chillin at home with no job,

when you show your mum a picture on instagram and she double taps to zoom, why the fuck did you do that,

Me, invites friend to party chat, my friend who joins but doesn’t talk,

When that nap was so good you have to save it for later,

Real leaked screenshots of jurassic world 3 2021,

So what do you like to do for fun, me,

He locked himself in while his mother unloaded groceries, toddler laughs as five firefighter try to free him from locked car,

I’ve reached 300 meters under the sea, the pressure here is immense, all the cool kids do drugs, all the cool kids you say,

Sometimes you just gotta be there for yourself,

Call me a hypebeast if you want but the 900 dollars I dropped on lunch was so worth it,

Me making a lay up after somebody slightly taps my shoulder, and one,

I’ve finally found it, after 15 years, the scroll of truth, your art skills aren’t good enough to make an alternate ending for this comic, it’s alright,

Huawei launches laptop but camera that stay covered until it’s opened, the FBI,

Hard to swallow pills, this meeme is the same as the scroll of truth but shorter,

College, me thinking I’m done with the worst after finishing high school,

I told my dad I went home early from work because of lady issues, aww shit, which lady bothered you enough to go home, you want me to speak to that bitch,

Imagine you get home and you’re drunk as fuck and you gotta go up these stairs, my goofy ass wouldn’t be able to walk up these sober,

Hi around 5 or so years ago I discovered that the arms from a lego flashlight keychain could fit perfectly into a normal lego torso and it was the most cursed knowledge I ever obtained,

MAma has mastered the ultimate netflix watching experience,

Someone finna die tonight, you’re pissing me off now I’ve asked you for it 2 months ago and you still ignoring me, potassium, this is a whole new type of petty potassium’s symbol is K loool,

Fucking class having a shower at your girlfriends, using stuff like a charcoal facial scrub and a pomegranate and mango shower milk, I’ve came out the shower smelling like a fresh fruit market on a hot summers day feeling like a brand new woman, 13 out of 10 would recommend,

What the fuck did moths do before lights, moths were actually the dominant predator before thomas edison created the lightbulb as a defense against moths, moths need complete darkness to grow to their human eating size, the history books won’t tell you this because the government wants us to believe we’re untouchable,

Miss incredible is the thickest animated character ever, puh-lease, may I present to you aunt fanny,

Chance X bieber X quavo, I can already hear this song being played on the radio every twenty minutes,

Shout out to my mom, I’m sorry I rolled my eyes when you were confused by pop culture, I get it now, I have no idea who the fuck bebe rexha or lil tay is, I never really found out about the laurel versus yanny thing, I’m confused and strangely angry and I wanna have a sit,

Me at 2 AM, I will talk with anyone about anything,

When your crush calls you buddy,

Teacher, I need a strong boy to come carry something for me, second grade niggas,

Sugar babies, sugar mama caramels,

Do y’all consider this a date, the longer I stare at this the wilder it gets,

Therapist, let’s go back to that day, me, no I can’t, therapist, I want to hear you say out loud what you found out that day, me, sniffles, when people go on house hunters they’ve already bought the house they want, the producers just show them two random houses they pretend to consider,

Imagine if they had parent teacher conferences at college, mom, how’s my son doing, professor, I have never seen this man in my life,

If I had a dollar for every time I was late to work,

Lieutenant durk, sir you might want to come look at this, general thug, my god, the diabolical savage, you have 24 hours to complete my request or I will make 808s cease to exist with a snap of a finger,

Imagine having sex with someone and they moan your twitter name instead of your real name, ha-ha yeah,

When some asks why I beat my meat every night at 3 AM, it defines who I am,

When you tell your parents you want to go with them but you have to shower first and then you hear the front door close,

TV adverts, do not try this at home, how am I supposed to have a roller coaster at home, do I freakin look like phineas and ferb,

Pull up to pick up your movie date and she comes out like this, what you do, making jack-jack,

When she introduces herself as your girlfriend but you’ve only been casually dating for 86 months,

World’s strongest man contest, I accept the fact that I will no longer have access to meemes, so strong,

A study found that when sober rats prefer silence but on cocaine they prefer jazz,

Me trying to maintain my christian morals, my lusty girlfriend,

Bear smashes car window, eats two dozen cupcakes inside, I have a new spirit animal,

What the hell disney, shelf, LSD, don’t be a bitch,

When your friend is about to do some stupid shit but you kind of want to see what happens,

Attention drug dealers, report your competition,

When you’re tired of people standing too close to you,

Feeling bad about XXXtentacion’s death, making fun of XXXtentacion’s death, oh no, it’s so sad what happened to XXXtentacion, click here for a chance to win a free big mac and large drink,

Fact, this was the best cosplay I saw at phoenix comicon, identity theft is not a fucking joke,

Sixth grade niggas clicking the ads about susan that’s only 10 miles away and trynna fuck,

I’d like to think that if I send 3 dollars to your venmo with my name I get some sort of incredible name pun, send me more than 3 and you’ll get whatever you want, do you deliver, yes, okay cool can I get 65 wints 15 honey mustard 15 chipotle barbeque 15 mild and 20 buffalo, also a 2 liter diet coke and celery with ranch and extra dipping sauce, also nudes,

And this week’s winner of the not my fucking job award goes,

Bob ross, draws a branch, me, nice, bob ross, draws second branch, cause everyone needs a friend, me, holding back tears, nice,

Showed my grandpa meemes and he loved them so much he printed them off for his friends,

When you’re talking about pixar movies with someone and they call remy ratatouille, boy,

Real gold, fool’s gold, comedy gold, saying I guess it’s free when something doesn’t scan at checkout,

When you hear someone open a bag of chips,

Just so y’all know it’s the guy y’all aren’t talking about that will shock you 9 months from now, are you guys expecting a baby, congrats,

An EU soldier discovered the location of the last illegal meemer 2018,

When you nut and it gets everywhere,

Breaking news, NASA reveals saturn is actually big nigga with hula hoop, the world is shocked, what else is the government hiding from us,

european citizens sharing meemes circa 2020,

4 miles per hour, 60 miles per hour, 1,040 miles per hour,

My little sister’s friend from high school is taking out a 10,000 dollar loan for her wedding with 250 guests, let me be clear, I don’t like any of you enough to go 10,000 dollars into debt so you can watch me say some vows and eat some cake,

Teacher, this isn’t an assignment you can push off and do at last minute, me, oh dea, am I being underestimated,

They want me to say it’s-a-me but they never ask how-a-you,

Plans date for tomorrow, me, so is 8 cool, her, 8 is great just send me the location tomorrow and I’m there, day of date, me at 6 PM, here’s the location see you there, her at 6 PM, you didn’t text me all day so I thought we weren’t going anymore, me,

First we need to see the money,

Start your day off right, finland breakfast, hot coffee with vodka plus 1 cigarette,

Me when I watch ratatouille versus when I see a rat in real life,

How you talk on the internet, how you talk in person,

Me, I need to start saving money, me when I get paid,

When you have to read the same page over and over cause you keep zoning out,

When you’re leaving the house after an argument and you hear them mumble something under their breath,

When you thought everything would be easy peasy lemon squeezy but it’s actually difficult difficult lemon difficult,

Teeter totter, yeeter yotter,

Teacher, any questions, me, ya what the fuck,

Riddle me this mister thug, why do I got a 12 car garage but I only got 6 cars, muahahaha,

When you first turn on the AC in the car and it blows hot air,

Cop, do you know how fast you were going, me, my snapchat selfie says 45, cop, lmao add me,

When you just gave someone directions and you just stand there and watch them taking a wrong turn,

I want to know what bears think sometimes,

In 1985 a black bear was found dead from cocaine overdose in a forest in georgia, the bear had eaten 76 pounds of cocaine with 15 million dollars from a duffle bag that dropped from a drug smuggler’s plane, there was probably about a five minute window before he died where he was officially the most dangerous apex predator on any continent,

When the dish water is nasty but you gotta put your hand in to let the water out,

911, hello 911 what’s the emergency, me, I don’t know why he’s not breathing I was just telling him how much I appreciate having him as a best friend,

Just took some plan b bout to nut all up in my girl tonight,

Dad what is an alcoholic, son do you see those 4 cars, an alcoholic would see 8, but dad there are only 2,

Please don’t be sewing supplies, please don’t be sewing supplies,

Dad, keep that dog away from me, 2 weeks later, dad,

When I say thank you to the bus driver and he says have a nice day,

This wonderful man is withdrawing money so he can buy food for these starving young girls in thailand,

1986, 2018,

When you meet someone as weird as you,

Trump just picked the leader of the space force, I was hoping he’d pick the green ranger but buzz lightyear is a good pick too,

Accidentally liking an instagram post from 238 weeks ago,