Thread 89: Stories 61-75

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NC
>Changeling
"Guard"
~~~~

>LIIIIVE FROM CANTERLOT! It's Fuzzy and the Buzz in the morning! He's fuzzy-

"And this asshole's got the buzz! Today in recent news, shock goes round the world as it turns out the newest princess, Appleack, was seen on a date with her assistant!... The DRAGON!"

GAAASP!

OH MY GOD BECKY-

>OHHHHH! Sounds like she's not the only one who loves her some apples!

APPLAUSE!

"On that note, Princess Celestia once more seen on wild adventures with none other than her old guard, my old boss, Shining Armor!"

>Well, at least he'll be well versed in protection!

"OHHHHHH!"

WOOOGA WOOOGA

OH MYYYYY~!

>Though folks, we've got to stress it's all a rumor right now.

"We were hoping to confirm it when they left her bedroom, but then we realized she was always white."

>HEYOOOOOO!

OH NO SHE DEH-ENT!

"Alright, thanks for listening and we're comin' at ya' with the hottest new track 'jewel of my eye' from Princess Cadence herself!"

>Sings like an angel she does!

"With how much her husband spends with Celestia, she probably doesn't scream all that much thought!

>AND ONE FOR THE MONEY!

SHOT THROUGH THE HEEEART!

"This is Fuzzy and the Buzzz, GOODNIGHT!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC Movie Satire

>SA
“PD”
-Chitania-
[Chrysalis]
{Blueblood}
______

“Before this is over, all will know… that even a God-Changeling can bleed.” – Shining Armor, days prior.

~~~~~

For the first time in a long while… there was going to be no escape. And that was fine. All adventures came to their glorious conclusion eventually.

And theirs would spark a flame within the hearts of all who heard their tale.

Countless archers were perched atop the cliffs, all of their bows drawn and arrows aimed down at the small cluster that remained of the Spartan army.

Within that dome of notched shields were the unlucky few. They were not unlucky because of the dire situation at hoof… but because they had not fallen in glorious combat like all their brethren before them.

In front of them, unshielded and unguarded, stood their King.

Their King, Shining Armor.

Before him, stood a traitor. Beyond the traitor stood a sizable amount of ground forces, and even further beyond them was where the God-Changeling stood on her perch of golden steps. Her pose was taut, flowing with her ill-gotten regality as she surveyed Shining Armor with a pair of deliciously gleaming eyes.

She was so close to getting what she wanted… because more than killing the steadfast king, she wanted to see him humbled to a grueling degree. She wanted him on his knees pleading his loyalty to her.

Her spokesmare, Chrysalis, stepped out from between her massive throng of warriors. Her gait was as easy and aloof as her smile, and her voice? It dripped with victory.

[Oh my, oh my, oh me oh my. You’ve certainly caused us some spots of trouble during your long… and fruitless… and comical campaign, King Shining Armor.]

The bows of arrows were strained as Chrysalis sought to circle the silent king, her eyes traveling him up and down.

[That form, your posture, that booty… mmmmyes, it’s no wonder your men have followed you so faithfully, even toward their inevitable deaths. For you certainly know how to turn calamity into victory. Why, you’ve even managed to gain the smallest of headnods from our Queen for your valor. Congratulations.]

The mocking chuckle that reverberated in her throat was heard by all, though so little was Shining Armor paying attention that his gaze drifted a ways to the right and then down, toward the hunched over stallion now emerging behind her.

{Shining Armor, please! Use your reason! It doesn’t have to end like this, I beg you! It… it doesn’t, just submit and live! Please!}

As though the hunched pony were a pet, Chrysalis laid a gentle hoof over his head.

[Listen to your fellow Equestrian, Shining Armor. You see him now, adorned in robes of the highest silk and lavished with gifts, a far sight better than when he left your side, no? He, more than any, can attest to our God-Changelings… generosity. A generosity that she’s prepared to extend even despite your downright cruel insults and blasphemy….]

The petting ceased.

Chrysalis looked up, a malicious glint twinkling in her eyes.

[If you’ll but lay down your spear and kneel, like the good little pony you are.]

The wind seemed to finally come out of its stupor with an amazing howl, and Shining Armor appreciated how its cool breezes caressed the sweat on his neck. The last words of the God-Changelings messenger floated about lazily in his head as he then shifted attention to the very skies, idly watching as the gulls flew by overhead. The air was tinged with the rich scent of blood and metal, an Equestrian soldiers favorite cologne.

The ‘300’ at his back moved naught a muscle but he could feel their gazes upon him. Silent, steadfast, ready. Ready and willing to die for their king at a moment’s notice.

Everyone of them, ready for glory.

All too soon, his helmet was stifling.

So it was slowly gripped with his magic and pulled off, thudding to the ground next to him.

A certain bristle ran through the God-Changeling’s chitin as the tantalizing sound of his helmet hitting dirt kissed her ears.

Not more than a few seconds later, a great ache began to overwhelm Shining Armor’s left shoulder, the one upon which sat his shield.

So he shrugged it off, the resulting clatter causing a few arrows to tense.

The smile on Chrysalis’s face had grown into something only seen in nightmares.

[And your spear, you sweaty hunk of stallion, you.]

There was no resentment in Shining Armor’s tone. No ounce of hate, or rage, or spite… there was only truth, and sincerity, when he pointed his spear at what was once their comrade turned traitor.

>You there… Blueblood.

He paused, only briefly.

>May you live forever.

The look of pain that screwed up Blueblood’s face suggested that Shining had actually run him through with his weapon, yet it was the words themselves that cut so deep. But still Shining stared kindly at him, his expression devoid of hostility. It only served to crush Blueblood’s soul as he shuffled back off to the sidelines, forever scarred, forever tainted.

Chrysalis couldn’t help but giggle as she pointed with a hoof toward the weapon still held firmly in Shining Armor’s magic.

[Nothing I love more than a stallion who knows how to use a spear, but you need to lower that too, you sexy beast.]

Her demand was about as effective as trying to swat an elephant with a paper. Shining Armor ignored her completely, choosing instead to meet eyes with the God-Changeling. With Chitania. The power in her pupils was raw, uncontrolled and somewhat petulant.

She truly believed herself a God.

…And that was sad.

So, wordlessly, the hue of magic surrounding his spear vanished and it fell with a noise that the whole world over no doubt heard.

He began to slowly tilt in reverse until he was sitting on his haunches.

[Yeeeeesss, thaaaat’s it, good boy, keep going….]

And then he collapsed onto his front, hooves down.

Head bowed.

The wind blew precariously as Chrysalis slowly nodded, turning to stare over her shoulder back at her God-Queen.

With a flare honed through years of trampling over thousands of others, Chitania stood at full height, seemingly imbued with Shining Armor’s submission. Her jewelry glinted and gleamed, her wings fully extended themselves.

And all Shining Armor could see, as he closed his eyes, was his wife, Cadance, the only Queen he would ever answer to.

Her soothing touch came back to him as if she were right there at his side….

No. He wasn’t through yet.

>POINDEXTER!

A massive movement of shields echoed to life behind him.

A path was made.

And by the time Chrysalis figured it out, the called stallion had already come stampeding through, roaring as he used his own King as a springboard to reach her.

“GRAAAAAAAAH!”

[Hmph… touche.~]

The spear slid in easily, like her hard exoskeleton were made of butter, and then the life was draining out of her nearly as fast as the river of green blood gushing down her front.

Another bristle, this one of mute surprise, struck the God-Queen when her messenger collapsed, motionless, while the one to take her life took a bracing step back, snarling with his spear at the ready.

She acted without thought, giving a grand wave of her foreleg.

-FUCKING SLAUGHTER THEM!-


Before the order fully left the lips, the air sang with the sounds of arrows flying free and the stampeding hooves of the 300 as they began their final assault.

But Shining Armor would never know how some of his men looked in their great last moments, for he had already reclaimed his spear, concentrated the magic around it into a needle-like point.

With his helmet gone came greater vision, for he needed to see clear.

With his shield dismissed came increased marksmanship, for his target was far away.

And then his spear was flying, flung with as much force as Shining Armor could muster. It sailed masterfully over the battlefield, through the hails of arrows, straight for the God-Queen herself.

It took Chitania a little over two seconds to register the pain when his spear clipped the very corner of her mouth as it flew past, embedding itself into the golden chair behind her.

She reared back in agony, a green-splattered hoof to her muzzle.

Even if she had cried out, none would have heard it over the sound of arrows piercing metal and flesh, of bodies thudding heavily to the ground.

The 300 were falling. Yet even as Shining Armor collapsed to one knee, dual arrows jutting from his sides, he saw that she bled.

>And they will know….

A shield flew by Shining Armor like a tossed frisbee, catching an archer in the throat, and the captain of his 300, Pommel, rushed by, charging with venom.

His rampage was just catching steam when an opposing spear pushed into his exposed stomach and out the other end. Only to be followed by two more of the God-Queen’s soldiers rushing up to sink their blades into either side.

The captain could only pause, stuck on his hindlegs, blood bubbling over his bottom lip….

Before he lifted his sword and cut down the soldier at his left. Then the one at his right. Both of them dropping like sacks of potatoes.

He reached out, clutching the spear he was impaled on. And then he snatched it forward, gutting himself farther to drag in the confused soldier still clinging to it.

The confused soldier that knew true terror when Pommel stared down at him, his bloody maw opening in a deranged battlecry.

Just after digging his blade through the soldiers neck, Pommel felt more than three blades entering his back.

The darkness wasn’t playing favorites, though. All around the battlefield, the brave 300 were dwindling, reduced to struggling across the grounds as nothing more than mobile pincushions for arrows.

Down on both knees now, Shining Armor reached for the weapon at his side. Magic would have pulled it free but life was waning, and with it went control. But that didn’t matter. It felt damn good gripping that worn handle and unsheathing it himself.

He was bellowing with a fury unlike any Equestrian had ever seen blaring from his normally docile features. And absolute silence fell when it ended, when Shining Armor himself stumbled over.

Poindexter lay next to him, struck thrice and refusing to enter death’s embrace through sheer force of will.

“M-my King….”

He tried to speak further but the pain seized him and he faltered.

Shining Armor’s bloodshot eyes met those of his longtime friend and he took his hoof in a steady grip.

A rattling inhale.


“It’s… i-it’s an honor to… t-to die at your side.”

The response was immediate.

>It’s an honor… to have lived at yours.

“W-we’ll finish that game o-on the other side, y-yeah?”

>Go on and s-set up the table, I won’t be long behind you, soldier….

The silence that followed Shining Armor’s words pierced deeper than any arrow could, and he struggled to climb upright.

Arrows all around were being loaded for a final sun-blotting assault.

>My Queen!

Throat blistering, he faltered, nearly falling.

>M-my wife….

The seagulls from before had left. The ocean was silent. The sky was clear.

He would stand until the life left his body.

For her.

>…my love….

A wave of cold darkness came crashing over the cliffs in the form of a plethora of inescapable arrows.

Slowly, Shining Armor closed his eyes.

Sweet. Glory.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Rainbow Dash"
~~~~
>Welcome to Really Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we stay up until the sun rises! Now for our main guest...RAINBOW DASH!!!
Applause

"What's up?"

>Did you know tha-
A light goes out.
>CUT! Sorry. Technical difficulties. Our stage help will get that...by that I mean me. I'll be back with a new light. Also don't go anywhere. It's been weird lately.

"Isn't it always weird with you?"

>...True, but this is a different kind of weird. Just sit tight.
Pinkie wanders off.

"Hm hm hmm~"
Another light goes out. She stands up.
"Huh...HEY PINKIE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED MORE THAN ONE!"
She blinks and cardboard Pinkie appears.
"Whoa that was quick...wait. You're not the real Pinkie. Hey Pinkie! Why don't you ever get one of the-"
A light pops and cardboard Pinkie disappears in the dark.
"Sheesh, she got some really cheap lights."
http://www.myinstants.com/instant/insidious-ghost-appearence/
She turns around and sees a smiling cardboard version of herself.
"Aww yeah. Looking good."
The power goes out and leaving her in complete darkness.
"Hey, who turned out the lights? Don't tell me she forgot to pay the electric bill too."
*CRACK* *THUD*
After a few minutes the light come back on and Pinkie enters.
>See? It's weird things like- Aw she still left.

RD wakes up.
"Aargh. I don't think I slept right. My neck really hurts."

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>Guard
"Changeling"
~~~~

>And boom goes the dynamite!... Literally! Did that bring down the terrifying titan of terror?

"Annnnd that would be a no my friend, she just seems even more ticked off than she was!"

>Is that possible?

"If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't believe it."

>Can't anyone put a dent in this damned destroyer of days?

"Well, maybe she'll be allergic to bad alliteration and you'll poison her."

>Ohhh, I deserved that one! But... wait, do you hear that?

CLICK!

"Could it be?"

WHIRRRRRR!

>Has a hero arrived?

SHINK!

"COULD THIS BE THE-"

SHATTER!

>...that's a no.

"That's a bigger no than what Fuzzy here gets on a datenight!"

>OHHH!... But seriously, sword to the back of the head?

'IT WORKS! I SWEAR!'

>...

'I SWEAR IT! THERE'S A WEAK SPOT RIGHT THERE! RIGHT FUCKING THERE! IT'S... THIS IS SUPPOSED TO WORK!'

>...Do potatoes affect your brain?

"I hope not, from how pent up she is, she looks like she needs a good spud."

>Think she likes her potatoes mashed?

"Only if you lather on the gravy."

>"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

'SHUT THE FUCK UP!'

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 >Applejack
"Poindexter"
'Peasant'
~~

>...what in tarnation are ya' doin'?

"I'm getting supplies."

>This is a house. Yer' in someone's house... why do ya' think this is okay?

"Because he's not stopping me."

>Ya' got, like, a bazillion points in sneakin', Ah' don't think he notices yer' here.

'Ghosts!'

>See?

"Well, we need stuff."

>This is someone's livelyhood!

"And now it's our stuff."

>This here don't feel morally right.

"And yet, my karma meter isn't changing."

>...the fuck does that work?

"It's an RPG, you're supposed to steal stuff. That's, like, the basic ethos of the whole thing."

>...Really?

"Yes, it's literally just 'kill monsters, get stuff, occasionally romance a party member'...."

>Don't even think about it.

"Even when I don't want it I get turned down..."

>...Is he gonna notice his stuff is gone?

"Ask him a question."

'Hi! Have you noticed something strange going around the village?'

>...That's a no?

"That's a no."

>Ah'm noticin' he don't care Ah' broke inta' his house...

"..."

>...get the pot, Ah' like that pot.

"The heck are you going to do with a pot?"

>Don't ask, just get it.

"..."

>...Hey, buddy?

'Hi! Have you noticed something strange going around the village?'

>Just checkin'.

"Rob him blind?"

>Pretty sure he already is.

"...See, now I feel bad..."


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
[18]
{42}
~Cadence~
+Twilight+
~~~~~~~

>Erm... it's not as bad as it seems?

+Thank you, BBBFF.+

'Darkest just before the dawn, my old student?'

+As always, a fountain of wisdom.+

[Learn from it and do better next time?]

+I will take that into consideration.+

{If you're not dead, you haven't failed?}

+Not technically accurate, but I'll take it.+

"It was a good try?"

+Okay, Chrysalis? That hurt me. I want you to know that, because I know that genuinely with that line you were trying to help me, but you have to know that right now that hurt me something deep. I do not know what could have hurt me more, to be honest.+

~Do you want me to handle it next time? I could probably do it.~

+...And there it is. There is the pain that will never leave my heart.+

>Look, Twili, a lot of ponies have... 'performance issues' with their weapons, it's not just you.

+...I'm going to sit in the corner now...+

"...So who's on 'Don't let Twilight get into battles' duty?"

'...'

"Just asking."

+Fuck you, Luna... just... FUCK YOOUUUU!+

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Twilight"
'???'
~~~~~~

With a screech of pain and a gurgling of blood, a strange demon of ice and twisted flesh fell to the ground, bubbling into goo before the stallion and mare's eyes. Exhausted, both slumped over in tiredness, one far more than the others.

"Sorry..."

>S'okay, I like carrying the weight for once. Heh... usually have to rely on you for that one.

"I'm not a fan of this, to be honest. I liked it better when I solved everything."

>Meh, gotta learn to delegate eventually, princess duty and all that. Almost worked myself into a coma when I tried to do it all alone.

"I suppose..."

>OH HEY! Loot!

Sure enough, in the middle of a pile of the good was none other than a golden, shining ring. One which the stallion was quick to snap up.

"Shiny! We don't know what that does!"

>I can purify it if it's bad.

"Shiny, we can't just take risks like that. Give me the ring, I'm getting rid of it."

>I don't know, I kinda like it...

"Shiny."

>It looks really cool.

"Shiiiiinyyyyy."

>....Precious.

"SHINY!"

>Just a joke!... Buuut, I do suppose it would look good on you.

"Yeah?'

>Yeah, you with a golden ring just kinda... fits.

"Awww... that's very-"

The moment she touched it, it was as if a scream had gone out.

>GAH!

"THIS IS BA-... wha?"

Above them, hovering in the air, were words.

~Think of a friend.~

>....What the hell does that mea-

~DONE!~

>...

"...Shiny, take the ring ba-OW!"

>Ah! What's wrong!?

She winced, rubbing her hoof that was now stinging in pain.

"I... I don't know! It's like I hit something!"

>...Twili? Who did you think of?

"..."

~~~~~~~

Miles and miles and miles away, Rainbow Dash waved her aching hoof, blowing on it ever so slightly to dull the pain. The fellow on the ground would have liked to do the same, but he had a case of the unconscious.

She had no idea why she just hit that guy, but what she did know was that everyone in the tavern was now very, very unhappy.

She, on the other hoof...

'....Bring it on.'

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 >Luna
"Pennydrop"
~~~

>Oh! Oh! Figure out a way for them to be attacked by bees!... We like that!

"Being attacked by bees?"

>Watching others get attacked by bees!

"Oh... huh... I think I do too..."

>Thou art a computer, thou does not like anything.

"...Affirmative?"

>Ha ha! And they say we sound funny!

"Uh huh..."

>Why did we not just use this thing in the first place? Tis all going so much better now!

"Yep. Except for the fact that dragon got ran over by a stampede of bunnies."

>As we said, so much better!

"HA!"

>Ha indeed!

"Oh oh! We need to freeze Celestia to the ground."

>Yes! Oh! And DOUBLE freeze the bug harlot!

"TRIPLE IT!"

>YES YES YES! Oh! And tempt the nerdy one with promises of mating, and then pull the rug out from under him!

"...The earth pony with no powers, special skills or political standing?"

>Tis the one!

"...We suuuure we wouldn't rather do that to the other white princess?"

>...Meehhhh...

"..."

>...Sure! She needs to be knocked down several pegs, we agree!

"Hunky stallions on the way!"

>Ugh, mating practices nowadays are so basic and thoughtless. Tis not even mating season!

"...Putting a pin in that."

>What?

"Your displeasure, I'm putting a pin in it so I know to do it extra hard next time."

>Ha! The wonders of science! This is SO MUCH FUN!

"It kinda is..."

>What was that?

"I said beep boop boop."

>Ha ha! Computer noises! We love them!

"...You're not very well versed in current technology, are you?"

>...

"...Adjusting parameters to compensate."

>Ha! We love this world!

"...Yeah... I feel you..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Well," Ignus began as the group taciturn diplomats made their way past the gate of Gryphos, "When I'd heard the Cloudwings had set up tents outside the city..."

There stretched a great multitude of garishly colored tents far along the grand road leading the Gryphon capitol. The clamoring of peasant and discretely guarded noble alike buzzed before them from the crowd as performers of every stripe juggled, tumbled, or otherwise showed off their skills to the delight of the feathered throngs.

"I didn't think they'd erected what amounts to a cultural siege camp," The portly gryphon shrugged, "Someone is very much after the public opinion."

"I am smelling the delicious smells of the cooked meats," Vekir practically drooled, "And the sweet things."

The petite morlock made it all of five steps before Siegfried rushed in front of her.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" He waved his arms, trying to corral the wayward ambassador, "By no means at ALL are we to split up, okay? In fact, big dude, grab her and Anton."

"I don't take orders from-" Watchdog began before several swords, halberds, and axes were leveled at him, "-anyone below a duke, so hey, yeah, piggyback ride time, kids!"

"Vekir is not a child!" The small morlock protested as she was scooped up by her bodyguard along with Anton, both secured on metallic shoulders, struggling petulantly until catching a look from the gryphon that had ordered her casual detainment. It was the look of an elder sibling that was fully intent on practicing the parental institution of laying down the law.
"Okay, listen up," Siegfried began, "We are walking-no, tap dancing into the lion's den here. It's all pretty colors and guys barfing flames now, but let me assure you? All the scarlet is so nobody notices the bloodstains. We are going to keep as close as possible to each other, we are not going to cause a scene, and none of us, noooone of us, are going to sign anything someone puts in front of us am I clear?"

"...Zephy, you got shorter," Anton cocked his head.

"Oh ha ha ha, short stack," Siegfried rolled his eyes, looking at Ignus, "Back me up here."

"Sig is right," Ignus nodded, "The Cloudwings, as we know them, are the only noble family remaining in Griffonstone and the only game in town as far as...well 'entertainments' are concerned. You can gurantee that whatever we run into during this little meeting, it's probably going to be weird. Also yeah, do NOT sign anything. I fell for that once, ended up in bear-baiting ring dressed as a terrier. Not my finest hour."

"...you're weird, Uncle Ig," Anton said bluntly.

"Don't I know it," Ignus looked over his shoulder, "So, who's ready to go down the tacky brick road?"

The older gryphon was only a bit annoyed at the chorus of 'Ayes' that resounded from all but his elder nephew.

"Onward, then," He concluded, turning back towards the ludicrous throng and all the presumed danger it hid within...


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Daw"
~~~~~

>So, to recap, plans "Glue her to the floor" and "Freeze her with a trap" were about as effective as plan "Hit her".

"So, you got another plan?"

>I am rapidly running out of plans, I'm going to be honest with you.

"But you DO have one."

>Yes, but they are becoming dangerous... and probably going to end with us in a lot of pain.

"...but you DO have one."

>Yes.

"Well, then what the fuck are we waiting for?"

>...

"What?"

>Nothing... nothing at all... hand me the silly string, this is going to get nuts.

"Ha! Sounds like my birthday."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fluttershy
"AJ"
'???'
~~

>Uh huuuhhh...

'GRRROOOONNNN!'

>Riiiiight.

'GROAAAHHH!'

>I see...

'GRANNNAAAAAAAAAA!'

>No waayyyy!

'HUNNANNNNNNN!'

>Yep, pretty much how it is.

"What's he saying?"

>Hm?

"That big... honkin'... ork thing. That hork there."

'GRAGGHAHAHAHAHAGGAGGGGGGG!'

>He wishes it to be known that hork is an offensive, though technically accurate, term.

"Ah'm makin' a not of it."

'GRANNNNNGGHHHHH!'

>Noooooooo... well, if you insist.

SMACK!

"OW!... What the fuck did he just chuck at mah' face!?"

>In his culture, giving a scroll as a gift is a very big insult.

"THATS IT! Ah'm gettin' mah axe and- oh fuck right."

'...'

"...Ah' accept yer insult?"

'GRAGGHHHHHHHHHHH!'

"What's he say with that one?"

>He says he's going to rip out our entrails, boil our eyeballs and feast on our blood.

"..."

>...What? Just because we had a conversation doesn't mean he's not a dick.

"Point."

'GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

"OH FUCK!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 NC (back in the Chitty days)

>Applejack
“???”
‘Chrysalis’
________

>…

As if her room door being unlocked wasn’t strange by itself, the shivering pile hidden under her covers was more than enough to give Applejack pause. She surveyed it closely, adding a prod here and there with her hoof, which only caused the lump to squeak and shift about but otherwise remain silent.

>Alright, whoever y’all are, come on out and explain yerselves.

“…n-no.”

Her ears twitched. She somehow recognized that tone but it was distorted, tones higher and smoother. Unfortunately, no face came to mind so she grabbed her covers-

“NO! J-just let me stay here!”

And thus began a tug-of-war as the bundle curled up tighter.

>Listen here, ya git, Ah’ve been on mah hooves all damn day and Ah’d like to at least catch a thirty second nap ‘fore Ah'….

Finally managing to snatch all the covers to the floor, Applejack’s voice died off into nothing as an alabaster mare was revealed. But it wasn’t Celestia, no, as one glance at the cutie mark confirmed that. But it also confirmed the mare’s identity and it was there that Applejack’s mind temporarily short-circuited.

>It can’t be…

She edged closer to the bed, eyes darting once more to that cutie mark depicting a shield inset with a star.

>Shinin’…?

The mare only twitched as though lashed out at, hiding her muzzle between her hooves.

“Y-yeah….”

>Whooooa Nelly, hold on… hold on, hold on, hold on… Ah gotta grab TWO chairs for this'n, damn. …Okay, now… what in tarnation happened? Why do y’all got mare bits down there?

“A better question is why are you looking?”

>‘Cause yer’ lyin’ like a stallion so yer’ goods’re all on display. Not hard to miss. What happened?

Shining sighed and sat up, his slightly lengthier hair falling in front of his more shapely eyes and he brushed it aside.

“I… you know, I knew it was a bad idea. Something just said ‘Shiny, leave her shit alone, what’re you doing, Shiny, stop, stop now’ but Shiny caught a case of the dumbass and did not stop.”

>Ah’ can see that.

“I was just trying to be a better big brother… After what happened with Chitania, she was so down, and I wanted to cheer her up by finding some kind of toy of hers to play together with. Boy, did I ever find one. Shot myself right in the chest, I’m just thankful all it did was switch my gender instead of put a hole in me….”

>…

“Why’re you rubbing your temples like that, AJ?”

>No reason, Shiny, certainly not ‘cause y’all done turned yerself into a mare, definitely not ‘cause of that.

“Oh good, then what’s wrong?”

>Aaaagh… okay, first question: how long is… this right here? When’s it end?

“Ah, yes. That is an excellent question.”

>…

“…”

>…

“…you seem to be waiting on an answer.”

>Ah’ am.

“Good thing we’ve both oodles of time, eh?”

>Aaaaagh…

“Sorry…”

>No… Shinin’, no. Much as Ah’ wanna… Ah’ can’t blame ya fer’ this, not when yer heart was in the right pl-

“HOLY HYPERSPACE BALLS WHERE DID MY DICK GO?”

>Yer’ missin’ that? Couldn’t tell.

Anonymous Mon 03 Aug 2015 22:55:02 No.24147180 Report
Quoted By: >>24147396 >>24148636
>>24147156

Shining forgot his panic in the blink of an eye to fix Applejack with a glare that came off less hostile and more pouty what with his feminine jawline and pronounced lashes.

“Oh hardy har har….”

>Settled yer’ ass down, gotta gimme that.

“I’ll give you something alright.”

>Shinin’, please, Ah’m a stallion kinda mare.

“…I just keep opening the door.”

>Eeeeyup, an’ Ah’m gonna keep walkin’ thr-

The door suddenly opened with all the horror of a creaking casket.

And in the entryway stood Chrysalis, quite motionless as she took in this new intriguing form of Shining Armor, this form that satisfied at least three of her kinks all at once.

And then the most sinister of grins split her chitinous lips.

“Ch-Chrysalis, wait, I can explain-”

‘No need.’

A river of blood was escaping the changeling queen’s nose, her cheeks flushed red.

‘Bite the pillow, Shiny, ‘cause I’m about to wreck your pretty little ass.’

“TWILY HEEEEEEEELLLP!”

>…Ah’m out.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"77"
'88'

>"'...'"

"So are you going to explain why we're on a train to Ponyville?"

>Reasons.

"Oh do not even begin to pull that with me. One time with you being a cryptic lunatic was enough."

>I assure you I an one hundred percent sane, horribly horribly sane.

'And thus sanity takes us to bumfuck nowhere?'

"Actually Ponyville has been the location of many important happenings-"

>One of which is you being among one of the first changelings to have consensual knowing intercourse with a pony. Not first place, obviously, as the Bat wheeling around a baby carriage can attest. You need fertility medicine.

"He said, very loudly, in public."

>She's one of the reasons we're going to Ponyville.

"Oh really? What does she have to do with-?"

>I don't blame you, you know.

"...no please, continue."

>It's far nicer to die in your own bed, looking at the people you care about than lying in a ditch bleeding out from the requisite stabbing slash gunshot slash magic wound.

"..."

'Wait, what the hell are you talking about?'

"How do you know about this?"

77's tone is calm, but there is an edge.

>When the time is right I'll tell you, along with the other parties I trust with this information. For now, we're going to confront the issue that's been festering in your head for far far too long...and hopefully that will stop you shooting blanks and lead to me becoming 'Uncle' 32.

'32, what in the LITERAL fuck are you on?'

>My mind running over the rim with information, information that I was better of not knowing. 77 has everything he could ask for, but it's not everything he needs, because he can't bring himself to admit he needs it. That, in addition to proving I'm not just full of hot air, is the reason we're riding this little choo choo to bumfuck nowhere.

"...why?"

>I just said-

"Why would you bring this up? Why would you do this?"

32 looked at his brother with all the sympathy he could muster.

>Because you'll never be really happy, really in love until she knows what you're wrestling with deep in your gut. Because if you keep this bottled up, it's just going to come out at the worst possible time. And most importantly...

32 smirked as he leaned back in his seat.

>I'm not allowed to win, but I can facilitate the wins of others.

"'...'"

>...

"'...'"

>Also because I can literally not help you at all with the whole 'Fear of alien abduction thing', that's just stulid.

"Hey!"

'Pfhahaha! What!?'

"THEY'RE OUT THERE! SCREW ALL OF YOU!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sombra
"Two"

>Right, so! Checklist: Age appropriate miniatures?

"Check!"

>Lunch delivered by grandmother.

"Check!"

>Secret marshmalley stashed with in the my swirling unknowable form?

"Gasp!"

Fwump!

>Check?

"Check!"

>Then let us begin this tale of high adventure! Our story begins a long time ago, in a galaxy far aw-

"Somby?"

>Yes?

"How can it be a long time ago if they got all the weird future stuff?"

>Ahhhh, well, you see the thing about that iiiiis...it's so far in the past it's actually the past's future!

"Gasp!"

>Gasp indeed! Now in the great Space Kingdom of Star...topia, yes, Startopia, there lived a great hero! A hero who traveled the twelve planets of Startopia and beyond, righting wrongs, saving innocents, and stopping the plots of the eeeeevil Galaximus Empire!

"Booooo!"

>Boo indeed! But meet our hero!

Sombra's horn lights up as he places a white stallion in resplendent azure armor, his horn alight with a heroic magic glow.

>Captain...Gleam...stone.

"Captain Gleamstone?"

>Yes.

"What's a Gleamstone?"

>It's a old timey way of saying Crystal.

"Ohhhh."

>Joined by his faithful crew: Thorn the Doom Dragon-

Thunk, a reptilian wielding a laser cannon joined the stallion on the table.

>Gleamstone's sister, the brilliant Magi-Scientist Daybreak-

Thunk, a unicorn mare in a labcoat, horn also alight.

>The wise Space-Specter, master of the arcane-

Thunk, a mysterious figure, smoke billowing from its robe joined the 'cast', shortly followed by a trio of-

"Heyyyyy those are just Sludgenoids."

>Yes, occasionally the Captain was helped by the trifling, spiteful, obnoxious, stupid manecut having-

"Somby."

>Er, Space Pirate Queen Cocoonia and her infinitely more personable first and second mates.

"Still angry not-mom trapped ya under an empty ice cream bucket?"

>Three days! It was three days before she undid whatever horrible seal she put on that thing! Did no one think to clean that up!?

"It's okay, let it out."

>...

"..."

>Mooooving on. Yes, a formidable crew indeed! And they had to be to rescue the beautiful Princess Harmonia and her and the Captain's adopted daughter... Uhm...

"Dos?"

>Yeah, Dos.

Thunk thunk.

"...Y'know these things are starting to look familiar."

>Yeah, weird, right? But the Princess and...adopted Princess were in peril! Trapped in the clutches of the evil Emperor Galaximus Maximus-

Thunk, enter an imposing Nightmare Prince figure.

"Boooo!"

>And his fearsome general, the gigantic...h-hold on-nyyyyyerrrrgh!

THUNK!

>ROBO-GOLEM!

"Holy smokes it's as big as me!"

>Hff...hff...yeah, that's Forgerealm for you. But look on it and cower! The brawn of a golem! The calculating mind of a robot! Truly a despicable foe! Backed up by-er, take about three steps back, Two.

Thunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunkthunk!

>An army of Dooooom Troopers!

"How did Shiny afford all of these!?"

>Truly a mystery for the ages.

"...so now what?"

>Now?

Sombra grinned.

>Now I tell the story.

CRACK!

>"..."

>Or the table buckles under the weight of the big dumb Tomb Giant-er, Robo Golem.

"Ya tried."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >PD
"Luna"
'Applejack'
[Pinkie]
{Dash}
(Poindexter)
~Rarity~
-Fluttershy-
+Spike+
~~~~~~

>Princess Luna, would you do the honors?

"Oh yes, Computer! We do believe we will!... a-hem... Long have you traveled, young heroes. Long have your battles been fought, but the real horror has yet to begin!"

'Oh fer fucks sake!'

[Uh, Lulu? Think you're going a bit overboard here?]

{BRING IT!}

(Please do not listen to her, she just fought an entire tavern because she randomly punched a guy.)

{I insist that it was not me.}

-Then why did you insist on fighting everyone?-

{Because Dash goes all in or she don't go in at all!}

~Darling, I'm going to be blunt with you right now. If you start talking like Trixie, I will set fire to you. I'm not exaggerating, I will set you on FIRE.~

{...Noted.}

+Lets just hurry up before the darkness overtakes me and I become a monster... again.+

~That's only happened twice!~~

+...+

~I'm trying.~

"ENOUGH TALK! For now you shall face your greatest challenge yet! A task that will either prove you ready for this final battle, or burn away your weakness!"

[In three weeks or less?]

"Wha?"

[Burn your weakness fat today with Auntie Luna's booty buster workout!]

{Guaranteed to bust your booty fat or your money back!}

~Slim figures!~

'BIG MUSCLES!'

[All with just ten minutes a day!]

+Call now and receive this free water bottle!+

[Mustbeeighteenoroldertoordersomerestrictionsapplyyoumustpayforshippingandgiveusyourfirstbornchild.]

"...Har har."

[Admit it, that was pretty good!]

"..."

>It kinda was-

"TO ADVENTURE, YOU FOOLS!"

>...

"...Fine, it was kind of good."

>Want me to hurt them extra bad for that?

"Would you?"

>For you, princess?... Of course.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________