March of the Fluffies - Sea Fluffy

Vanner, April 25, 2013; 10:38 / FB 10453
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March of the Fluffies, Part 2

>Sit down with your bowl of popcorn, because March of the Fluffies is new tonight.
>Somehow, Fluff TV got Morgan Freeman to narrate a series about fluffy ponies, and it's the greatest thing on TV.
>The intro music starts playing followed by that smooth voice you've grown to love.
>"Spaghetti Warehouse presents… March of the Fluffies."
>Cue montage of fluffies drowning, walking off cliffs, pummeling each other with ineffective, marshmallow like hooves.
>The scene fades to calm beachscape, where the waves calmly wash ashore.
>The sun is barely up, and the first rays of dawn are lighting the world.
>For a moment, it's relaxing, when the silence is broken by the shriek of a fluffy pony.
>"Dummeh wa-wa wet go fwuffy ow…"
>A dozen seal like bodies come into view as wave gathers along the shore, and a pile of sea fluffies crashes ashore with the wave.
>"If all of God's creatures could be called majestic," says Morgan Freeman, "then the creatures of man sure are surely not."
>The sea fluffies roll off of one another, blowing raspberries and calling each other "poopie faces"
>One could confuse them for seals at first, until you heard the babbling, and saw the multicolored fluff covering their bodies.
>Their two front flipper like legs have the same soft, leathery padding that a fluffy hoof has covering the underside, and their back legs are fused into a single seal like tail.
>"Originally created by Hasbio industries as aquarium pets, the sea fluffy soon escaped the confines of its tanks, and spread to the ocean."
>"Dis fwuffy wand now!" yells a sea fluffy to no one in particular.
>"An ecological disaster in the making? You might think that, but the ocean is not nearly as forgiving as the land."
>As if on cue, a massive killer whale rides in on another wave, snatching a mouth full of sea fluffies in it's cruel teeth.
>"EEE! Fishy munsta!" shriek the remaining sea fluffies. "Wun way! Wun way!"
>The fluffies flop and struggle about fifty feet down the shore as the killer whale washes back into the ocean. The fluffies continue waddling along the beach as if nothing happened.
>"Most people would think that other fluffies would view the sea fluffies as monsters…"
>The camera changes to a herd of fluffies cresting over a nearby dune. The fluffies start toward the sea fluffies, but find no grip in the soft sand and soon tumble face first down the dune.
>One of the fluffies starts running around in blind panic, crying "Eyebawws huwties! Hu hu hu!"
>Fluffy pony runs directly into the ocean and immediately disappears beneath a wave. None of the other fluffies seem to notice or care as they pick themselves up out of the sand.
>"Hi nu fweind!" says the smarty sea fluffy. "Wan pway? Haf nummies?"
>"…but anything with fluff is a friend to the fluffy pony."
>"Fwuffy fwiend haf nummies?" asks a fluffy pony. "Wheh nummies?"
>"Nummies in wa-was!" says the sea fluffy. "Come haf nummie wif fwuffies?"
>The earth fluffy looks to the waves, then back at the sea fluffy. You can practicaly hear the wheels turning in his head.
>"Buh… wa-wa bad fow fwuffies?" he says at last.
>The sea fluffies all giggle and hug their land based friends.
>"Wa-wa no bad fow fwuffies!" says the sea fluffy. "Fwuffies wive in wa-was! Pway, haf nummies, an bebahs aww in wa-was!"
>It seems to click for the earth fluffy.
>"If fwiend say wa-wa gud, den dis wa-was is gud!" he announces to the herd.
>The herd of land fluffies cheer as they follow the sea fluffies into the water.
>Predictably, fluffy ponies drown the moment a wave washes over them.
>"While sea fluffies mean well, they don't even check on their new friends as they head back out to sea. And it's a good thing too, because the ocean is full of dangers for a sea fluffy."
>The scene shifts to underwater shots of the sea fluffies playing in the oceans.
>"We see here that Sea fluffies frolic and play, just as their land counterparts do," continues Morgan Freeman.
>"They even attempt to make friends with fishermen on boats. But in the ocean, as on land, the consequences for being a fluffy is always the same."
>A new batch of fluffies swims alongside a fishing boat, babbling "Nummies? Pway? Huggies?"
>An aspiring smarty sea fluffy flops onboard the boat.
>He pushes himself up on his flippers, puffs out his cheeks and loudly proclaims "Dis fwuffy's boat now!"
>The fisherman looks at the sea fluffy for a moment, before grabbing it by the neck, and stubbing out his cigar on the its cheeks.
>The sea fluffy's face immediately catches fire, and soon his entire head is engulfed, turning the sea fluffy into a wailing pyre of pain.
>He tosses it back into the sea where other sea fluffies swarm around him
>"Fiew bad for fwuffy!" they cry. "Huggies hewp!"
>Soon the entire herd is alight, flailing in the seas, begging for "Nu buwnie huwties!"
>"Unlike regular fluff, the sea fluffy's coat contains a strong oxidizer that will continue to burn even after being completely submerged."
>The shot shifts to a floating mat of charred sea fluffy corpses.
>"Because they cannot drown, they burn. Such is the give and take of the sea fluffy."
>After a quick commercial for Flufficide, Babies!, and some new show featuring Brent Spiner, Morgan Freeman's dulcet voice returns to narrate a herd of sea fluffies happily eating at a kelp bed.
>"Like the manatee and many other sea mammals, the fluffy pony prefers to feed on kelp, or as they call it "Sea skettis."
>The sea fluffies happily munch on kelp fronds without a care in the world.
>"Of course, fluffies will try to eat anything they can get their flippers on…"
>A sea fluffy in the background chokes to death on a plastic bag.
>"…but most other food fights back…"
>One of the fluffies looks over his shoulder before returning to his dinner of kelp.
>"To say nothing of the predators that lurk beneath the waves."
>Out of nowhere, a flash of grey belly fills the scene before replacing it with a cloud of red.
>A sea fluffy looks where its friend was a moment ago before spotting the bloodied jaws of the shark bearing down on her.
>Her screams come out only as bubbles as the scene goes dark.
>"But even as dangerous as the ocean is for sea fluffies, the land holds just as few promises."
>The scene shifts to sea fluffies sitting on the shore with her pups playing beneath her watchful eyes.
>Well perhaps watchful is a bit of an overstatement.
>The mare is too busy playing with a rock to notice the sea fluffy pups straying too far onto shore.
>It's only moment later that a flock of seagulls descends on the pups, snatching them into the sky above.
>"Nuuu!" the pup shrieks. "Nu wan fwy!"
>The mother finally notices, too late to do anythign but raise her flippers to the sky.
>""Fwy bad fow bebehs!"she cries, before flopping face first into the sand.
>"But as is typical for fluffies, even the smallest thing can cause them great troubles."
>The fluffy jolts upright from the sand, screeching and wailing a moment later.
>"Eeee! Huwties! Nu wike! Nu way pway!"
>She flips on her back, desperately flopping her flppers at her face to try to dislodge the crab that has clamped it's mighty claw around her eyeball.
>A dozen other crabs join in, pinching and tearing the fluff from her body as they burrow into her soft flesh.
>"And here we leave the sea fluffy behind, alone to die along the shores and oceans. A failure of man to recreate the majesty of the natural world."
>The camera settles on Morgan Freeman, sitting with a long fishing pole along the dock just a few yards away from the screaming sea fluffy.
>He reels in the line to reveal a sea fluffy pup sobbing on the end of his hook.
>"Join us next week as we watch the enchanting antics of the Garden fluffy."
>"Here… only on March of the Fluffies."