The Oswald Show

A playlist of all the Disney Oswald cartoons readily available:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FinN3WG0lJ4&list=PLc0516tm_liR8BqMxUQK84cfGFN25odfQ

What if they tried to make the new series for an older audience?

https://desuarchive.org/co/thread/100588398/
https://desuarchive.org/co/thread/105950909/
https://desuarchive.org/co/thread/106134543/
https://desuarchive.org/co/thread/108074980/

-Plots and Prompts
-Pilot
-Touring the Park
-Jobs
-About Minnie
-Friends
-Institute for the Tragically Un-Hip
-Number One Fan
-Day Off
-Babysitter
-Driving Miss Daisy
-A night of fright is no delight
-Standards and Practices
-Actual Oswald cartoon ideas
--Oswald's Station
--Droning On
--Get Your Kicks
--Hot Doggin'
-Kingdom Hearts

----
-Plots and Prompts

>Show starts in Kansas.
>Shows Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks working on a design for a character.
>It is Oswald.
>Oswald is then shown moving around the blank canvas as he now sees his creators talking about how he is going to be a big animated star.
>Cut to years later when we see him waking up next to his wife Ortensia because of an alarm clock.
>It shows him showering, eating breakfast with his family, and then sending his 420 kids to school.
>He then goes to kiss Ortensia and then head off to work.
>His job being.... working as an "actor" along with his younger brother.
>Though he mostly helps Mickey out by helping him work on papers to make sure the company doesn't go under.
>Mickey, who really does want to help his brother but can't think of anyway how to, hired Oswald out of guilt after a bad deal happened between Walt and Charles.
>Some jokes within the papers Oswald would work on include the epilepsy lawsuits from Incredibles 2, the firing of John Lassiter, and multiple lawsuits and cease and desist orders from people drawing Mickey.
>Oswald would of course ask when he is going to star in his own cartoon, with Mickey giving the same answer that he will try to work in a cameo.
>The series would continue to delve into the world, the relationship between Oswald and the other characters from Disney, and about how Walt lost Oswald.
>All leading up to Oswald finally getting his own short/show.

>That pilot episode where we see Mickey and Oswald's relationship begins.
>That episode where it deals with Oswald and Ortensia's sex addiction.
>That episode where Oswald has to drive the Disney Princesses to a convention and calls them out on their bullshit, especially Ariel.
>That episode where Oswald gets his one free day of the week and tries to make sure he spends it with all his 420 children.
>The one episode that deals with his and Walt's relationship.
>That episode where Oswald BTFO of Felix the Cat only to realize it wasn't really his fault that it happened.
>That episode where Oswald confronts Mickey and demands his own show, both of them calling each other out.
>That episode where they both finally cave in and try to forgive each other.
>That episode where Oswald and Mickey both finally prepare the short.
>That episode where we finally see the Oswald short.

----
-Pilot

>Mickey and friends decide to reopen the House of Mouse
>While going through the archives they find some old film reels, really old, some of Walt's early work
>On a lark, they decide to play an old reel one night, it's one of Oswald's cartoons
>It's a hit, the house is in an uproar with laughs
>Oswald pops out of the screen, confused as to why everyone's laughing and cheering
>Realizes he's on stage again for the first time in ages, he's got the house in stitches, even Mickey's laughing
>It's all smiles until Mickey comes on stage since it's time for the next show
>Mickey has no idea who Oswald is, but Oswald knows who Mickey is
>He's mad that his own brother doesn't even know him
>Lays into Mickey with the sordid history of Walt's (dad's) early career and how Mickey basically has the life that was meant for him
>Says all of this on stage before storming out of the club and into the surrounding park
>Mickey goes after him

>Oswald is incredibly pissed off at Mickey basically for replacing him
>He gets angrier and angrier while Mickey tries to cheer him up
>Oswald screams "THAT SHOULD BE MY PARK! THOSE SILLY THINGS SHOULD HAVE MY FACE AND NAME ON THEM, YOU TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME! EVEN.... EVEN... DAD!"
>Mickey is shocked, he doesn't know how to answer to this
>Hours later
>We see Oswald walking on the park, until he finds the statue of Walt, he sees his face, he is smiling
>The episode ends with Oswald apologizing to mickey and saying "If he was happy... then I'm happy too"

----

-Touring the Park

>So Tomorrowland only has one future ride and California adventure has only a street from California?
>Well at least you still have those little motor boats!

>Wait, so you're telling me at first you guys didn't even own the Disneyland Hotel!?

>I was looking through the archives lately, and found out about this ride in California Adventure called “Super Star Limo”, care to tell me what that was abo-
Mickey goes silent.
>We do not speak of that ride Oswald.
>Mickey, you’re freaking me out.
>If you care for your safety, I would suggest never speaking of that ride again. Got that, bunny boy?
>A-Alright Mickey.
>Good! Up next is Critter Country!
>Oh! What movie is this land based on?
Mickey goes silent again.

>So Mick, tell me about Extra-Terrestrial Terror
>Gone, replaced it with a Sitch ride before getting rid of that too.
>Well, how about that 2000 Leagues Under the Sea ride that sounds like fun.
>Nada
>Well, at least I can go to MGM and check out the all the coo-
>Oswald, you’re sort of bumming me out.

>So you're telling me that we have someone in a Clarice costume that's specifically designed with underwear for up-skirt shots from tourists?
>We have to cater to what the market demands, you see...

>Hey Mick?
>Yeah Oswald?
>While I was gone, did you remember to keep dad’s light on?
>Yeah, why?
>Just wanted to make sure.
>You miss him? Don’t you.
>...yeah
>We all do... We all do...

>Oh, hey check this out!
>Wow, looks exactly like Dad. Say wait a sec, I’m seeing something missing here.
>What do ya mean Oswald?
>I mean a certain somebody is missing! You totally left me out of this.
>Aw, come on don’t be like that, I didn’t know you’d even come back from Universal.
>Fine, but I’m getting my own Oswald statue. It better be made of solid gold!
>Oh brother.

>Hey Mick?
>Yeah Oswald?
>What was his (referring to Foxy) deal?
>Oh. THAT guy. He was created by some animator who used to work for dad after he left to work at Warner Bros
>He’s totally aping your style!
>Not just my style, he also did a toon that was basically the same as “Trolly Troubles”.
>Man, what a joke. Wonder where he is now...
MEANWHILE, AT THE WARNER BROS ARCHIVE...
>Hello? Can anyone hear me? I was in an episode of Tiny Toons! Anyone...

----
-Jobs

>"I know I can act bitter sometimes, but the truth is, they treated me pretty well at Universal. I did lots of cartoons with them, even if they did change my look and voice a bit too often. If I'm going to be angry at anyone, it's that jerk Woody Woodpecker. But he didn't last either, so who cares? Life goes on. Even you had to make room for Donald and Goofy, right? And all of us had to make room for roll after roll of Hanna-Barbera's televised toilet paper. That's just how time works. Just because we recover from injuries and don't age, that doesn't make us immortal."


>Mick, can you give me a real job?
>What’dya mean a real job? Those cameos are paid to you and you’ve been appearing a whole lot, isn’t that something?
>I mean, I guess, I’m more of an actor though than just a familiar face to pop up on graffiti, a billboard, sometimes if I’m lucky a crowd. Give me another chance.
>I dunno, last time we gave you a major role it bombed pretty hard.
>Aw come on, I didn’t even get top billing in that, you can’t say that, create a cartoon called “OSWALD THE LUCKY RABBIT” and the kids will come flocking to watch it! Heck you can join in too. It can be:
OSWALD THE LUCKY RABBIT
(also starring mickey mouse too.)
>Come on that’s what the people really want a comeback cartoon starring yours truly!
>It'd be CGI.
>Aw, Mick, you know it’s harder to work in those conditions.
>Cartoons have changed since you’ve been gone.
>Yeah, guess they have.


>Mick, I’m having trouble doing my rubber hose techniques in this space? Is there something wrong?
>Nope, it’s just easier and cheaper to keep you in one piece than having you separate every few scenes.
>But, that’s my main draw! It’s all I know!
>Well bunny boy, you better start learning some new tricks, the CEO is coming in a week and you have to get your test reel done by then before he green lights this little project.
>I thought you were the CEO.
>I’m a cartoon mouse. Do I look like I can run a multi-million dollar company?
>Uh-
>That was rhetorical. Anyways, get back to work!


>Oswald confronts Mickey about having his own show and starts really laying into him
>Mickey breaks down and starts crying about how he doesn't really have his own show, save for some shorts and a preschool show
>Warns Oswald about the stagnation rampant success brings, telling him that he's more of an icon than an actual person now
>Reveals that the Disney company is watching him 24/7
>He is only allowed one bathroom break in the day, during which he is under extreme watch by mouseketeers to make sure no one sees him
>The most intimate thing he can do with Minnie is kiss and only when Disney allows it
>Mickey then begins to expose several Disney secrets ranging from the true location of Walt's body to the dark reason Gigantic got shelved
>He finally ends this rant saying that because he's been allowed to talk for so long, Disney probably planned for this discussion to take place too
>Oswald slowly backs away
>Yeah... I think I’ll stick to working at the station. Thanks for the talk Mic.
>NO WAIT. DON'T LEAVE ME OSWALD. YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDER-
>Yeah, no way fag.


"Whatever Happened to Felix?"
>The episodes starts off normally with Oswald, Ortensia, and the kids doing a family film night.
>They watch some of the old Universal cartoons starring Oswald.
>They put in the next animated film reel.
>They then see an old familiar face.
>It's Felix the Cat.
>All of Oswald's kids are curious about him.
>Oswald then explains who he is.
>When they ask where he is now, even Oswald doesn't know.
>The next day, Oswald heads to work filing papers for Mickey.
>He then asks Mickey whatever happened to Felix.
>Mickey says the last heard about Felix was he tried starring in a movie and then went to Japan to try and cash in on the baby trend.
>They then both decide to look up what happened.
>They then found out he is now Jobless and in the Public Domain because his copyright expired.
>Oswald feels a bit sorry for him, but knows it's partly his fault for Walt leaving him in the dust.
>Mickey then remembers he has to renew his copyright.
>He then asks Minnie where the papers are at only to find out they are in the Disney vault.
>B plot is Mickey and Minnie accidentally getting locked in the Disney Vault.
>Meanwhile Oswald starts looking for Felix.


>Oswald finds out he's popular in Japan so decides to see what Toon are like in the land of the rising sun
>Oswald Jr #341 is a huge fan of them and asks his dad if he wants to go see Broly
>Oswald says sure
>Cut to him looking confused as guys are shooting death beams at each other and loosing more clothes as the fight goes on
>"Is this supposed to be sexy? I don't see the big deal, I never had to deal with a shirt."
>"We are Gogeta"
>"Well finally someone introduces themselves, nice ta meet yo-"
>Oswald jr #341 jabs him in the side
>"Shh, dad they can't hear you."


>Oswald works as a talent agent for Disney, interviewing up and coming toon actors to see if they have what it takes
>Secretly, he's hoping to ride someone's coattails back to the top despite constant reassurance by his wife and friends that he doesn't need to be a celebrity in order to be loved.
>The humor would be focused on poking fun on various aspects of modern animation as viewed by Oswald, who despite initial optimism is usually confused by the actors he interviews.
>Oswald interviews an anime pretty boy
>"Ya know, I'm not too smart when it comes to Japanese cartoons, but I like the cut off your ji-"
>"Anime"
>"...I'm sorry?"
>"The term is anime. And I assure you it's much more subtle adult than any silly cartoon you've seen"
>Oswald let's loose a beleaguered sigh.

----
-About Minnie

>Hey Mick, exactly how long have you and Minnie been an item?
>Uh, 90 years dating exactly I think.
>Oh, that’s- I’m sorry, what! 90 whole years and she isn’t even your fiancé let alone your wife! Mick, you gotta be kidding me.
>I-uh-got cold feet any time I tried to even broach the subject.
>90 years and you couldn’t work up the courage to ask her! Are you a man or a mouse?
>Is this a trick question?
>Don’t you play semantics with me Mick, you know exactly what I mean. Don’t you think I was scared when I asked Ortensia to become Mrs. Ortensia Rabbit? Look at me know happy as can be with her and proud dad to four hundred and twenty kids.
>Wait, I thought Ortensia was a cat.
>Nah, my name is Oswald The Lucky Rabbit after all. Actually hold up a sec, the reason I didn’t bother to ask was she’s Minnie Mouse, I thought you married her before I came back.
>Well, Mouse is a common last name amongst mice.
>It doesn’t matter I guess Mick, what I’m saying I you outta pop the question to a special girl like her.


>I had a wonderful night Mickey!
>Ah shucks Minnie, you’re making me blush.
>Are you free tomorrow?
>Yah bet!
>Alright, goodnight Mickey!
>Goodnight Minnie!
(Minnie walks down to the basement to see the current tally...)
>Let’s see... that makes 32,850 days since we met, and Mickey still hasn’t asked me to marry him... I need to get a hobby.


>Minnie? Why are you calling me at 3am?
>Ortensia, I have a quick question...
>Make it quick.
>How did you convince Oswald to marry you? I've been with Mickey for years now, and he hasn’t even suggested to me we might one day be married. It’s starting to worry me. Am I a bad girlfriend?
>Listen, this sort of thing takes time. It’s not your fault. Just give Mickey some more time, who knows, maybe you’ll be walking down the aisle one day.
>Thanks Ortensia, I needed that. Hey, if that day ever comes, will you be my bridesmaid?
>Sure. Under one condition though.
>And that’s would be?
>Don’t ever fucking call me at this hour, Ever. Again. Got that’s mouse girl?
>Its a promise!
>Night Minnie.
>Night Ortensia.


>As a B plot Minnie goes to Ortensia for help to try and spice up her relationship with Mickey.
>Ortensia really gets passionate about the subject almost to the point where it makes Minnie uncomfortable.
>They get to the kissing portion.
>Minnie suggests practicing with a pillow.
>Ortensia points out that she needs lips to practice and she literally wrote a whole segment about that for "Enchanted".
>Minnie was going to go get something that represents lips until Ortensia kisses Minnie.
>After she finishes she tells her to always be prepared for the surprise kiss from your loved one.
>Minnie finally breaks from this saying this was a bad idea and tells Ortensia that kissing her like that was wrong.
>Ortensia then points out it's no longer 1930s, it's 2019 (or whatever year it is they decide to do it).
>Minnie then points out that it isn't about the sex talk but rather that she kissed her.
>Ortensia then points out the year again.


>Oswald is about to kiss Ortensia and Mickey slips on a hotdog wrapper, so she gets shoved out of the way.
>Oswald kisses Mickey
>After the hilarity that would ensue, Mickey would be forced to admit to himself that Oswald is an amazing kisser.


----
-Friends

>Hey Mick?
>Yeah?
>Why don’t you ever introduce me to your friends?
>Well, Goofy is always a bit screw-up, he’d make big mess of things and I’d hate to see you get all frustrated with him and you’d take forever to change your first impression of him. >I’m not really in the mood to do that honestly. Trying to convince you to like him is more effort then just not letting you meet him.
>Well, that’s Goofy I guess but by my count you still have another good friend. What about Donald Duck?
>Donald’s just an asshole and you couldn’t understand him anyway.
>Like he’s a complex guy? I can do complex relationships.
>No, Bunny Boy like you can’t understand him. He has a speech impediment or some shit.


>Oswald is hanging out with Mickey and friends having a good day for once
>Donald shows Oswald a photo of his three nephews
>"Only three? Don't they get lonely?"
>Cut short because something came up with the kids and Ortensia's too far to help
>Mickey: "I thought you said Ortensia has them?"
>Oswald: "She's got about two hundred and five out shopping, the oldest ones can't handle the other two hundred. Gotta go!"
>Mickey and friends are horrified at that number
>Note that Oswald almost never spends time with them and now they get why
>So mickey rallies all of his pals.
>ALL OF THEM to offer to babysit for Oswald and Ortensia and let them have a couples day.
>Oswald and Ortensia are confused but appreciate the gesture and decide to accept for a date day.
>Naturally, Mickey and pals, despite their numbers are overwhelmed. The kids are crazier than goofy can manage, others more temperamental than Donald, trick Minnie with kiddie eyes, and so on, and Mickey's gang refuses to accept help of Oswald's five oldest kids.
>After a long day, Oswald and Ortensia return home and find the kids running rampant, and Mickey and Pals floored trying to keep up
>Ortensia just whistles and all the kids fall back in line
>Oswald orders the kids to be responsible and clean up the mess they made and they do, quickly singling one out that was planning more mischief
>Mickey and pals cannot believe what they just saw and gain respect for Oswald and Ortensia's chaos management.


>At the bar, Oswald and Mickey are on their second pint.
>Mickey admits he's jealous of Donald.
>"He hit the screen like a ton of bricks. If that weren't enough, his comic books sell like hotcakes in Europe. He had God knows how many TV shows."
>He slams his drink to stop himself from going on a rant.
>Oswald finishes his, to give him time to mull a response.
>"Gosh, Mick. I had no idea."
>"Even you were more excited to see him."
>"I was stuttering a bit, wasn't I. It's just that I've seen you lots of times-"
>"I know."
>The bartender delivers two more mugs. Oswald picks his up, and before taking a sip, perks up a bit.
>"So who makes you starstruck? Come on, all this time, all those studio acquisitions, there must be some celebrity you were dying to meet. Who is it?"
>Mickey stirs a bit as he takes his mind off his own ego. He thinks, takes a sip of his new pint. Oswald keeps staring him down.
>"It's not that I want to meet Mario..."
>He downs the second pint.
>"I just want to be in Super Smash Bros so that I can..."
>He clenches his fists and mimes a few moves, but quickly tames himself.
>"So I can see what he's made of."
>Oswald nods reassuringly, They have one more pint together in silence, and head home to their gals.

----
-Institute for the Tragically Un-Hip

>Oswald helps Minnie re-open her Institute for the Tragically Un-Hip
>"So was there a lot of demand in the 1980s for lessons in being "hip" from 1930s stars?"
>"We were current! Look at this grid of 16 TVs!"
>"We have a lot of work to do. I hear asbestos is illegal now."

>Minnie tries to re-open the institute, does a soft opening with a few test clients
>first client walks in
>300 pounds, neckbeard, wearing one of those shirts full of anime orgasm faces, and a utili-kilt, and socks with sandals.
>"Don't cuck me with your feminist lies, roastie! What about toxic FEMININITY?"
>this one's going to be tough
>they use a bigger, 5x5 grid of TVs, he's not impressed
>clearly he won't listen to women
>they need a specialist
>they need a man so he'll listen
>they need someone who started a family, so he'll be respectful
>they need someone who hasn't always gotten the girl, and has been in trouble before...
>they need someone who isn't actually busy with anything else
>Oswald

>second lady walks in
>"all my friends are guys but none of them want to be my boyfriend"
>purse full of vampire novel paperbacks
>no make-up
>short hair
>long skirt like she's at a renaissance fair or something
>shoes from Payless
>"I have an idea," says Minnie. "Shorter skirt. Longer underwear."
>"Longer? That's great, I was hoping I wouldn't have to shave my legs!"
>gotta teach her how to walk in high heels too
>the tough part will be when she starts getting attention
>how to turn down guys safely
>that incel that walked off with Oswald would probably kill her
>better get Daisy to help with this one

>third client walks in, another guy
>Not bad looking, dressed plainly
>no addictions, no unchecked sexism, no political chip on his shoulder
>just really depressed
>job's going nowhere
>women like him as a friend
>neither men nor women really want to hang out with him
>Minnie says "this might be a long-term project. Can you come in once a week for the next few months?"
>shrugs. costs about as much as dates would, so why not
>she sends him to Clarabelle's room.
>"You look tense. Strip and get on the massage table."
>he strips, not sure where this is going
>she strips, to make it clear where she's going
>"is that an udder?"
>"Yes, and I've injected it with a fifth of vodka. We'll start with the happy ending."
>receives an old-fashioned while nursing a white russian
>she cleans him up with a hot towel and puts a robe on
>now that he's relaxed she works on his shoulders and legs and asks him what's been wrong
>he talks it out for 40 minutes
>not cured but feels a lot better
>has something to live for once a week
>things slowly improve over time

>incel sees "Oh what a Knight", calls Oswald a literal white knight
>"So you don't like modern political correctness, but you don't like classic chivalry either? What's left, you want to give her father ten cows as a dowry or something?"
>"We sure didn't have political correctness when I was making cartoons. We didn't even have the Hays Code until 1932. and we didn't take it seriously until 1938. Mickey did one in blackface, you know. You think that's shocking? Well, you know that lost cartoon Banker's Daughter? That one had full insertion, all close-up like. Walt storyboarded that one personally. Took an extra week to animate because whenever we messed up the exposure, we couldn't try again the next day because everyone took the cels home with them. But you should have seen it; probably the third-best interracial cartoon money shot of the 1920s. What? Of course it was interracial; she was Jewish. Hey wait, where you going?"
>incel stomps off screaming about purity and fluoridation and shit
>Oswald runs after him, wondering whether Minnie, Daisy, and Clarabelle are having any better luck with their clients.

----
-Number One Fan

>MICKEY!!!
>Huh? Oswald? What’s gotten into yo-
>YOU GOTTA HIDE ME, THERE THIS LUNATIC CHASING ME THROUGH THE ALL DAY. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I CANT SHAKE HIM OFF MY TAIL.
>Oohhh Oswald~ Come out, come out wherever you are~
>HERE HE COMES.
(Oswald jumps into a nearby trash can.)
>Hey Mickey, you haven’t happen to see Oswald running around these parts?
>Actually Roger, he just went by Main Street, he might actually be in line for the train. >Better get there before the train takes off!
>Oh I will! And when I do, I’ll tell him about all the things I love about him! Thanks Mickey!
>You’re welcome Roger. He’s gone now.
>Who the hell was that guy?
>That's Roger Rabbit. He was the result of a joint collaboration film between Disney, Warner Bros, and some other studios.
>Well, that sort of explains why he’s a nut, but that doesn’t explain why he’s hunting me down.
>He’s always wanted to meet you. He would always talk about how you’re his biggest inspiration, He would always ask the same old thing, “Where’s Oswald,” “Where’s Oswald,” “He’s a national treasure,” “How come Woody gets to be here and not Oswald?”
>Wow... I have a number one fan...
>He’s still waiting by the train station. You can still catch up with him.
>Will do... umm, can you help me Mickey? I’m kind of stuck in here.
>No problem bunny boy.
>Thanks.

>First time meeting Jessica
>"Well, here I thought me and Ortensia were pushing the envelope"

----
-Day Off

>That episode where Oswald gets his one free day of the week and tries to make sure he spends it with all his 420 children.
>Many of them ask to see Uncle Mickey.
>Oswald knows Mickey is busy so he tries to disguise himself as Mickey just to make his kids happy.
>Midway through the episode, Mickey comes to visit (reason being he got a phone call from Ortensia to help Poor Papa).
>Ortensia notices how Oswald is looking stressed as he tries to entertain his kids as Mickey.
>She then immediately tries to contact her brother in law.
>Mickey is busy looking at the script for his next short as he is busy working on paperwork.
>phone rings
>M: "Please don't let it be Bonkers or the Mighty Ducks asking for their reboot." Mickey then answers "Hello."
>O: "Mickey this is Ortensia."
>M: "Ortensia?"
>O: "Yes and I am demanding you to come over here right now."
>M: "Huh?" He then starts to panic. "What's wrong is Oswald hurt? Or injured?!"
>O: "Worse. He's busy trying to impersonate you to entertain our kids."
>M: "Impersonating me? I didn't know Oswald was good with impersonations."
>O: "He really isn't. One time we tried role-playing an- Wait what am I saying?! Come down here and help him out before Poor Papa tires himself to death."
>M: "Yes ma'am." He says as he leaves the phone. He then comes back to the phone. "See you in a bit. Bye." He then hangs up the phone and starts leaving.

>Mickey is about to enter the house ready to introduce himself to the kids.
>Oswald, disguised as Mickey, notices and and quickly runs for the door.
>O: "Umm... hang on a second kids. Minnie is wanting me for a sec.", he says in his fake Mickey voice.
>Oswald then rushes out the door pouncing on Mickey.
>O: "What are you doing here? I thought you were busy.", Oswald says as he on top of Mickey and then gets off.
>M: Mickey dusts himself off. "Ortensia said you needed help. So I came to help you entertain the kids. And give you this."
>Mickey then hands a book to Oswald.
>O: "How to do Impersonations for Goofs? Hey! I'm doing a good job over there!"
>M: "Well you got the ears down I suppose but the voice really needs some work."
>O: "Look Mick, I'm happy you came to help but I really don't need it. I'm doing fine."
>M: "Oswald you are barely handling all 420 of your kids. You need help."
>O: "What so you can steal their love and affection from me in real life? They already like you on the TV Mick. More than me. They barely even acknowledge me anymore. When they talk to kids at school they don't talk about how cool their dad is. No they talk about how Mickey is their awesome uncle even though you barely visit."
>M: "Well you barely invite me to do so."
>O: "That's not the p-.... that's not the point Mick. I just want a bit of the love they have to you given to me."
>They both stand there silent for a bit.
>Mickey then gets an idea.
>Mickey then stretches his ears.
>M: "Hey Oswald! How close are my ears imitating yours?"
>O: He stares at him for a while. "What are you doing?"
>M: "Well Ortensia did say you were pretending to go to get snacks. And I'm pretty sure they are expecting Poor Papa to be home anytime soon now."
>Oswald then feels a bit touched.
>O: in his poor Mickey voice "Thanks Oswald."
>M: In a very good Oswald impression "You’re Welcome Mickey."
>Oswald stares at him impressed.
>M: "I told you, the book really helps."

>Instead of doing the rational thing and have Oswald take off the disguise and let Mickey do his thing, Mickey and Oswald make the plan too complicated and have Mickey pretend to be Oswald.
>Both doing it for selfish and selfless reasons.
>Hilarity and chaos ensues.
>In the end of the day both character take off the disguises and go back to their respectful duties.

----
-Babysitter

>Heya, Mick, do you know where I could find a babysitter for the night, I wanted to plan something special. An evening with me and Ortensia, see a movie, grab some dinner, a real date night between me and the missus, but we get so tired after watching after all the kids and putting them to bed that we just end up passed out together on the couch. Now, that’s fine and dandy but I wanna make her feel special today. Something a step above the normal, but no babysitter is willing to watch 20 kids let alone 420!
>Gee Oswald, I guess I could watch them if it means that much to you.
>Ya really mean it? Yer a life saver, complete and utter savior. Come on kids, come out and say hi to your Uncle Mickey!
[A tidal wave of children rises from one of the halls as the eager bunnies come to see their uncle rapidly approaching with disturbing velocity]
>Oh and no sugar after 7PM, Mick. Makes ‘me crazier then usual. Daddy loves you guys very much.
>help
>me

>Come on Mickey. You were able to survive the orphans benefit, you can survive this.
>So... what is it that you bunnies like to d-
[The bunnies proceeded to swarm Mickey]
>AHHHHH! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
[The bunny kids have bounded Mickey to Oswald’s chair]
>Kids, I don’t think your dad will like to find his brother tied to his chair, so if you would kindly untie me-
[The bunny kids use an apple to shut Mickey up]
>Oswald is going to kill me...

[At a fancy restaurant]
>It’s weird Ortensia, why is the food so small here, I bet I could have bought coke for the same price we got this “meal” and got more coke then we got food!
>Oh Oswald, stop it, it’s fine dining, you aren’t supposed to understand it. Like I think I got pasta since it’s French it’s even better!
>I think that they don’t like me anyway, that coat guy gave me the stink eye.
>When he wanted a tip, you told him to ditch the beard and the man bun so he could get ladies. I think he had every right to glare at you.
>Come on, that was pretty scary, he should have been paying me for that advice.
>Yeah, he looked pretty bad but you didn’t have to tell him the truth.
[Ortensia looks troubled for a moment]
>Do you think Mickey is alright with all the kids?
>Listen do you hear that?
>What I do hear what?
>Exactly, no kids, no noise. Just you and me alone time, and for that I’d pay any price for. Mick can burn in our hell for a bit.

[Meanwhile, back at the house Mickey is being spit roasted over an open flame tied to a chair on the pole]
>Can’t we just talk about this? Your dad is going be so disappointed.
>SACRIFICES, SACRIFICE, SACRIFICE!

[Oswald and Ortensia arrive back at their house]
>You know, despite the fact you got into a fist fight with the guy with the man bun because he was flirting with me and us banned from that place-
>Jackass had it coming...
>I still had a great time.
>Awww, you’re too kind
>Anyways, let’s see how Mickey doing. He must have done gre-
[Mickey is standing in the middle of the wreckage, in tatters, covered in soot, and what appears to be Ortensia’s lipstick]
>I-I can explain...
>You hAD ONE FU-
>No Ozzie, you already had your fair share of fights for tonight.
[Ortensia gently places her hat down and removes her gloves.]
>It’s about time I have a some.
[Ortensia brandishes her claws]
>Oh dear Walt...
>GET OVER HERE YOU OVERSIZED RAT. WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, YOU’RE GONNA WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN.
>IM SORRY. ILL PAY FOR ANY DAMAGES.
>OH DON'T WORRY, STRINGING YOU UP WILL BE PAYMENT ENOUGH.
>OSWALD, HELP.
[Ortensia continues to give chase]
>Ahhh. What a gal.

----
-Driving Miss Daisy

>That episode where Ortensia has to drive Daisy Duck somewhere, she bitches at her, and then she calls her out on her bullshit.
>There's being catty and then there's just being a fowl person.

>Mickey calls Oswald for a favor.
>He asks if he can drive Daisy to the hospital to see Donald.
>Oswald asks how the hell Donald even got injured since they are toons.
>Even makes a joke how he can pull off and put on his body parts.
>Says he can't since he's busy working on some of Mickey's Paperwork.
>Oswald calls Ortensia to do it.
>Hell ensues.
>B plot is Oswald going to the hospital.

>Daisy makes Ortensia stop at a clothes shop first, claiming she needs better clothes to wear for Donald.
>When they are checking out, Ortensia notices that Daisy is using Donald's Money.
>Because they stopped for clothes they are now stuck in traffic.
>Daisy blames Ortensia for this for being so slow when she was carrying stuff at the shop.

>After about an hour or three of working Mickey checks up on Oswald.
>Mickey thanks Oswald for finding a solution to get Daisy to the hospital.
>Oswald again asks why they have a hospital if they are toons.
>He then tries to show Mickey that Toon Logic/Force would prevent literally any injury from happening.
>To prove this he literally takes off one of his ears.
>Mickey of course freaks the fuck out.
>Oswald tried to calm him down and tries putting his ear back on.
>It doesn't work.
>Mickey then explains that's all technically done by the Special Effects Crew and the People that draw them.
>Oswald then looks at his brother and weakly says, "Mickey.... call the doctor."

>The Mad Doctor is Donald and Oswald's doctor.
>He's actually a nice guy.
>The Mad Doctor does his evil shit on the weekends but is a regular doctor during the rest of the week.
>He still lives in a dilapidated castle because inheritance or some shit

>Oswald in the cafeteria with a body cast Donald on a moving bed
>"Are they crazy!?"
>"12.50 for a tuna sandwich in a vending machine!?"
>Sees a greasy fast food joint from the window
>"Come on Donald let's get some good food!"
>Donald pressing the nurse button on his bed as Oswald pushes him across oncoming traffic

>Since they are in traffic, Ortensia tries confronting Daisy using Donald's Money.
>Trying to hide the fact she's a gold digger, Daisy claims that she and Oswald are technically doing the same thing to Mickey.
>Even pointing out that Ortensia "kids" are making it much harder on Mickey.
>Daisy starts asking if Oswald's Kids are even her kids.
>We then get a quick flashback (serving as an explanation) of Ortensia telling Oswald she's pregnant along with some other cute flashbacks of them taking care of the kids.
>Ortensia ends the flashback saying she was glad to give up acting for her kids.
>Daisy then goes on to tell Ortensia that she was an idiot for leaving her acting career to take care of a bunch of brats.
>Daisy even goes on to talk about how they should just get rid of a few.
>This is where Ortensia tolerance ends.

>Donald sees the car and tries to warn Oswald by frantically pressing the nurse button in morse code

>She slams the breaks in front of a greasy restaurant unknowingly hitting Oswald and Donald with the car.
>This is where Ortensia basically says the TV-PG version of FUCK YOU to Daisy and calls her out for her bullshit for 5 straight minutes.
>She then kicks Daisy out of telling her to piss off, leaving for home.

>Donald's body cast breaks from his anger
>Oswald points out "See? He's fine." as Donald does some feat of destruction.

>Ortensia waits in bed for Oswald.
>When Oswald returns home he has a bunch of casts on.
>He then goes on to talk about how some crazy driver hit him with their car but he'll recover in a few days because he was half right about cartoon logic.
>The episode ends with Ortensia suggesting how she did always want to try the nurse costume.

----
-A night of fright is no delight

Oswald and Ortensia try to have a night to themselves and go to a carnival only to have the kids sneak along and tie up all the actual workers and wear disguises to replace them


>3 of the rabbits get into a trenchcoat for fun and people walking by mistake them for an adult
>One of the other 417 rabbits does the math - "3 rabbits = adult, therefore more rabbits = more adult"
>420 kids in a trench-coat

>First it's 3 really really big adults in trench coats following Oswald and Ortensia
>Oswald: "Gee wiz mister, you sure are tall."
>Then they realize they can't fit into any of the buildings, bandstands etc
>Cue 140 adults trying really hard not to be conspicuous and acting 'adult' (doing taxes, reading newspapers on the sofa), but also getting distracted by things appealing to kids like sweets

>Oswald and Ortensia walking past some adults in trench coats
>"See Ortensia I told you it would catch on!"
>"Yeah hunny bunny, but that doesn't mean they all have over 100 in their attic."
>Box in the attic from Oswald's short lived detective agency
>"I needed to be prepared!"

>140 adults in trench coats following Oswald and Ortensia
>they increasingly get paranoid over this thinking it’s just another pack of Mickey’s Disney agents following them for mundane shit

>All the kids realize that while in trench coat mode, they are tall enough to go on the rides
>They are too tall for some of the rides like rollercoasters that go through tunnels or loop-de-loops, vertical coasters
>Get broken to pieces
>The non-broken rabbits try to put the broken ones back together but end up with siblings with two left feet, legs where their feet should be etc
>"Hey look, I'm Picasso!"
>Eventually one of the non-broken rabbits takes it too far and all the broken ones end up as a shambling, wobbling mess of body bits that teeters through the park, as the onlookers panic and take photographs
>The other rabbits look on in dismay
>"We're never going to find a trenchcoat big enough to cover *that*."

>Oswald and Ortensia are at a restaurant where 3 kids pretend to be a businessman doing a deal over the phone, 3 other kids are sitting behind a newspaper with cutout eye holes, and the last 3 kids are clumsily playing a violin with four hands and writing food orders with the other two.
"Yeah, but what if their arms and legs fall off or something?"
"They can put their arms and legs back on, Oswald. Like a certain bad influence I know? Now please try to relax! It's a beautiful night, the stars are out. What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

>And that shambling horror show is what gives Oswald and Ortensia a fright when they see it.

----
-Standards and Practices

>Mickey tells Oswald that his level of intimacy with Ortensia is inappropriate.
>Oswald then asks when the last time he was ever intimate with his girl.
>Mickey then has a flashback.
>It is implied him and Minnie make a sex tape it would never be viewed by anyone else.
>The video then ends.
>It then shows the other side of the screen.
>It's Walt's Birthday.
>Walt Disney then just laughs about the whole situation as it now a famous urban myth.
>We then cut back to Mickey.
>He then lies to Oswald about it or just tries to change the subject.


>"Oswald Says the Q Word" is actually a Mickey centered episode.
>Mickey and Oswald were having just another day at work until Donald and Daisy arrive.
>Oswald then says, "What's up my Quackas!"
>Mickey is freaking the fuck out.
>Donald doesn't really seem offended by it.
>Daisy is really the only one offended here.
>After Daisy Duck gets offended by Oswald saying it, she threatens Mickey to fire him immediately.
>Mickey, not wanting to fire Oswald, decides to put him through Work Safe Educate Training.
>Though it really does look recently added.
>He even hired Minnie to be the counselor there.
>The classes are just trying to make Oswald another Mickey.
>Safe, wide eyed, and innocent.
>And they are not really working.
>After a few days of training we cut to Mickey and Minnie's house.
>We see Mickey and Minnie sleeping in separate beds.
>As they both start talking about why this is really important.
>Minnie thinking it was all just a misunderstanding/accident while Mickey just wants what he believes is best for his brother.
>We then cut to the next day where we see Donald walking up to Mickey.
>Donald telling Mickey he knows what he's doing.... and should stop.
>Mickey then tries to justify himself again by saying that Walt would want the safe family friendly image he wants them to be, just like he was.
>Donald sighs.
>He then puts a DVD in.
>Mickey asks what he put in.
>Donald says it's his WWII shorts along with a few other things.
>We then see every racist caricature Disney ever did.
>Donald continues saying to Mickey nobody is perfect and he should stop trying to force Oswald and himself to be.
>The episode ends with Mickey ending the classes.


>December 2023
>Oswald is dragging Mickey backward through cartoon history
>They get to Song of the South and Mickey's Mellerdrammer
>At each one, Mickey is full of excuses, Oswald cuts through them
>Mickey asks, “Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect. What can you do?”
>Oswald doesn't chicken out.
>"You can't shrug it off and pretend it never happened. You take your lumps, so you can do better in the future."
>Mickey is terrified, because rewriting history to appear cute and inoffensive has been Disney's entire modus operandi.
>He then remembers what else he's afraid of seeing in 1928: the non-consensual smooching he gave Minnie in Plane Crazy.


>Oswald and Ortensia are with a 2019 producer
>"You guys spend too much time making out on screen. Could you just share a milkshake in the pilot, like a couple of wholesome kids on a date?"
>challenge_accepted.jpg
>they shoot the pilot
>the producer gets the family together to watch
>the two are served a milkshake.
>they lock eyes.
>Ortensia guides the straw to her mouth by extending her tongue, swirling around it, and bring it to her lips as they slowly latch
>Oswald ignores the straw, licks from the rim of the glass to the cherry on top, leaving a slight hint of a groove
>bats the cherry with his tongue gently left, then right, then picks it up and brings it in.
>Ortensia moans gently and gulps, the milkshake level lowers 50%
>Oswald takes the cherry into his mouth and appears to be chewing it
>they still haven't broken eye contact
> sticks out his tongue, the cherry stem is tied in a knot
>Ortensia is surprised, coughs a little, sending air through the straw
>a dollop of whipped cream lands on her face
>...
>the series was picked up and ran for 10 years

----
-Actual Oswald cartoon ideas

He's put in scenarios with old business practices then tries to modernize them to keep up with shifting demand.

>Oswald works in an office building and has to update the computers only to get sent through the wires, the internet, and fight a virus his stupid boss infected the company with
>Oswald as a dock hand at a cargo depot, it's all management and charts until he has to fight off a modern day pirate version of Pete
>Oswald as a detective using the latest cutting edge techniques of ENHANCE, MAGNIFY, rotate the image, flip it, adjust the brightness, etc.

--Oswald's Station
>Oswald runs Oswald's station where he does maintenance, tune ups, and fill ups for old cars
>Sees the new electric super cars of the future and decides to expand his business to accommodate them
>Gets a book or an e-book and spends all night reading it
>Is woken up the next morning by a huge box being delivered
>Oswald assembles a giant mechanical monstrosity made from solar panels and wind turbines
>He has a big new robot to do automatic servicing for electric cars
>Everything is going smoothly at first, he has a remote to control it
>Then a bird makes a nest on the robot's head and everything goes tits up
>The remote is useless, the robot assumes control over the whole station and everything turns on Oswald rise of the machines style
>Oswald climbs the mechanical man being assaulted by electrical chargers, hot car wax, car wash rollers and whatever else is built into this thing
>Gets to the top of the robot and fights off the bird in a fist fight
>Clears out the nest, remembers the book he spent all night reading to know how to uncross the wires
>Fixes the robot, gets flung by its thrashing, falling to his doom, looks like it's curtains for Oswald
>Gets caught by his robot who is back to normal
>Things resume, Oswald's business has expanded
>Only now the robot is wearing a helmet
>End


--Droning On
>Oswald gets one of those toy drones to amuse the kids
>It's one of the ones with a ball cage around it so it can crash into things and stay airborne
>It has a built in camera that sends the video feed to the laptop/smartphone/wrist watch/pizza tracking shoes/whatever so you can pilot it in mostly real time
>At first the kids are amused and pilot it to follow their dad everywhere
>At first Oswald loves the idea of being on camera all the time
>But after so many hours it starts to wear him down since he can't help but put on a show while the drone is watching him
>Tries to call it quits, but the drone follows him into the house, into the bathroom even
>Decides to pull out his more dangerous material to try to get the drone to crash while it follows him through some sort of insane gauntlet
>Finally ends with Ortensia taking the exhausted Oswald inside and just letting him rest
>Kids are bored with this and go find some other target
>Ends with the drone popping up and scaring the bejesus out of Mickey while he's in the tub
>Oswald laughs at the video feed alongside his kids


--Get Your Kicks
>Although it is no longer possible to drive US 66 uninterrupted all the way from Chicago to Los Angeles, much of the original route and alternate alignments are still drivable with careful planning.
>Let's say Oswald's shop is on one of these "lost" sections of the road that he's been doing upkeep on himself
>Only recently have people found it again and want to perform beautification renovations on it to reconnect it with the freeway.

>Zoom into shop sign, named Oswald's Motor Runner, "ld" makes a little rabbit.
>Pan down to Oswald sweeping up a bit, sees a new weed has popped up in the crack where the road meets his shop's foundation.
>Pulls the weed, and sees a pebble moving slightly, puts his ear to the ground and hears the distant sound of Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay.
>Looks to the horizon, and we zoom over to find a full marching band, along with the banner "Mother Road Reunification Committee" and an Oldsmobile driving along with it.
>The parade pulls up to his shop announcing that he's been connected back to the rest of the highway, and he's surprised. He never knew he'd been disconnected.
>The parade continues down, and Oswald goes back to sweeping, when he hears an engine in the distance.
>He imagines that some new souped up cadillac is gonna pull up and give him a huge tip, but is shocked when a red ferrari spider screams in.
>The guy behind the wheel, a ferrari owner to his core he has a hat and everything, asks if he has any road maps.
>Oswald gives him one, but comments on how the guy's car is screeching up a storm, and that there might be something wrong with it.
>The guy laughs it off, saying he never lets anyone but his personal mechanic even open the hood, let alone tool around for a problem he can't see.
>He tears away, and Oswald doesn't have a moment to stop before a Humvee pulls up and asks him to top it off.
>Oswald agrees, and has the issue of this thing's tank being so big it drains his reserves.
>The guy gets upset, but then Oswald tells him the price for what he had left - at prewar rates.
>The driver is happy to get that much for so little, and Oswald goes to make a call for a refueling truck to come out.
>Oswald learns the current rates. Cut back to wide shot, the lizard scurries off.
>After Oswald calms down, another car comes puttering along.
>Oswald starts to tell the guy he's out of fuel, but he tells him he doesn't need fuel, just an outlet.
>Oswald lets him plug the car in, and the lights to his sign dim until they turn off.
>The guy thanks him, and drives on, leaving Oswald in the dark for the rest of the night.
>The next morning he decides to see where the road leads now in his tow truck, and drives past the three cars.
>Further on, he finds the Ferrari guy, the Humvee family, and Mr. Electric Car walking to reach the next town.
>They try to flag him down, but he keeps driving.
>He calls back "Sorry, I've only got enough fuel for myself!"
>He turns back around contented, and we iris out on his fuel gauge, reading Full.

>Oswald would end up in someplace crazy like Las Vegas and get into trouble at the casinos, lose his truck, win at the slots, blow all the money, then win something in a poker game like the deed to a new place like his old place and then end up selling that to fix up his old place.
>He has to get bombarded with a slew of adversity while picking himself up or running away in a comedic fashion.


--Hot Doggin'
>Ortensia packing kids lunches Lucy and the chocolates style, but being successful
>Oswald: "Honey have you seen my-"
>Ortensia: "Third drawer on the right next to your shorts!"
>Oswald: "Thank You!"
>Kids are lined up at the door getting a kiss goodbye as they cram into the school bus.
>Oswald is last in line wearing Hot dog costume.
>"Oh it's Tuesday."
>They smack lips and Ortensia fixes the suit up a bit for him
"I Relish our time together Hunny bunny."

Later
>Police knock on the door opening it to see Oswald and an Officer
>"Ma'am is this yours?"
"Yes yes, what happened!?"
>"He was seen in the park in this costume asking everyone if they would and I quote "Like to see his dancing wieners."


>Oswald and Mickey work the same hotdog stand.
>Mickey spoils the wieners while Oswald spanks them when they misbehave.

>Oswald sells the entire police district hotdogs when their cafeteria is shut down by fake health inspector Mickey.

>Knock on the door again with Ortensia opening it to see Oswald and the same cop
>"Again Ozzy?"
>"No no, these things are really good. Ma'am, I must say your husband has makes a good Wiener!"
>"He certainly does!"
Wink at the 4th wall as the horde of kids pour back into the house.

----
-Kingdom Hearts

>Mickey and Oswald are playing backgammon or some normal human shit
>Sora or Xehanort or whoever shows up
>"Mickey! You have united with your keyblade brother! With your combined tsundere, you can hikkomori the dokidoki!"
>Oswald flips the table
>"NOPE NOPE NOPE. I'm not getting into Smash by being in a Square-Enix game. Get out of here and don't come back until you have a cute side-scroller I can rubber-hose my way through."
>The entire kingdom hearts kingdom loses all its unagi and Max Headroom gets deleted or whatever the fuck those guys are trying to prevent.
>Nothing of value was lost


>Kairi, under the instruction of Yen Sid, is told to set off and Visit Worlds as Sora did when he started out as a Keyblade Wielder
>As she steps outside of His tower The master of Masters appears outside from a dark corridor informing her of Yen Sid's study containing a hidden "Project"
>Sneaking back into the tower she finds a Model of a world
>Before she can examine closer a heartless infused Phantom blot grabs her by the arm and pulls her in to the wasteland

>Companions are Oswald with his remote and Gus the Gremlin

>Oswald is Mickey's Nobody. Kind of fitting given the "theme" of being a Nobody and also a minor nod at Epic Mickey as Oswald was looking for a heart in that
>Oswald comes from a different Worldline or whatever. Alternatively could also be some sciency shit gone wild from the Mad Doctor that gets him thrown into everything
>Oswald's Kingdom or world was lost to the RoD and he rashly rushed in there to save it and got stuck there. Makes some sense as the Realm of Darkness is weird and time doesn't work normally there
>Maleficent gets him involved and manipulates him for her own ends
>Ortensia becomes one of the new Maidens of Light that New Org mentions and thus becomes an inevitable target

>Ortensia gets kidnapped because she is a Light Maiden
>Oswald wants to go after her himself
>Donald pulls his whole "Order" schpiel and Sora insists that they'll save her
>Unlike Aladdin when Jasmine got napped, Oswald goes FUCK THAT and goes out of his way to have the Mad Doc or someone make him his own Gummi Ship as he boldly yet recklessly heads forth to save his girl from the forces of darkness