A Supposedly Fun Thing in Unbelievable Techno-Nightmare CCP Hell I'll Never Do Again

>be me, bonky
>i'm with my horse pal, pickle horse-man
>we're hopping around dracula
>we're chanting "you miiiight as well face it you're addicted to blood, you miiiiight as well face it you're addicted to bloood,"
>etc.
>ad nauseum
>dracula is sitting in his favorite chair
>not reacting
>vampires are very good at not reacting
>so pickle and I
>we're doing it more for our own fulfillment
>we like to chant and hop
>keeps the blood running
>keeps morale up
>it's like a little serotonin hack
>then dracula stands up
>and we stop
>and look at him
>and he says,
>"you know i'm not really addicted to blood
>no more than you're addicted to living."
>'oh, don't start that,' i say.
>"i'm just saying that an addiction can only be classified by its disruptive patterns,
>otherwise there's no need to make an assessment."
>"have you been watching dr. phil" pickle horse-man demands
>i chortle, not finding it funny, but this is about antagonizing dracula, not engaging in quality discussion, so we're dealing fast and loose with the rules, "yeah, yeah," i say, "this guy's been watching jordan peterson."
>dracula pulls his dracula mask off
>actually, he says, i am jordan peterson
>we're shocked
>we're stunned
>dracula was dr. jordan peterson all along
>i didn't even know vampires could be canadian
>his beady little eyes stare into my soul like dark embers
>i start ruminating about pronouns
>no one can tell me what to do!
>i turn on pickle horse-man
>i say you can't make me call you pickle anymore!
>from now on you're just horse-man!
>horse-man gasps