Thread 21: Stories 46-60

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SO FUCKING NON-CANON.

>Chitania
" Chitania's Mom "
~~~~

>...Wow! She can raise the whole sun all by herself!? But... but it's so big!

"What do you think you are doing!?"

>N-NOTHING!

"What is that behind your back?"

>Uh... brass knuckles with a hook on the end?

"That's moronic! What good would they be with the hook!"

>How else am I going to lift a ribcage out? Otherwise you have to break it bone by bone, and you can't make armor with it.

"...Fine, but do a better job hiding it from me next time. Did you do your lifting?"

>I threw the whole tower this morning! The whole thing! Are you...

"NO! I am not impressed, that is pathetic! Just for that, you have to smash every stone on the left half of the mountain, if I see ONE bit bigger than an eyeball, I'm eating you!"

>Yes mama...

"WHAT WAS THAT!?"

>Y...yes my Queen.

"BETTER! Now go get started, NOT ONE STONE YOU HEAR ME!"

>Yes, Majesty...

Scoffing, the massive Queen stomps off.

>...I don't know why she makes me do this. This pony can move the sun and the moon! That's bigger than any mountain... how could anyone like me fight that?

Only once the coast was clear did she open the book again.

>I wonder if she's this scary in person...
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>Tickles
"Rekulk"
~~~~

>Now I've got them! No way can they escape my net of terror, no way!

"Huzzah! I feared the gods of the yellow stone had been angry with me when they tore my bag, but this is much better than my bag of skin from the red worm! And smells much fresher too, much much fresher! The gods smile upon me!"

>SHOOT!
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>Bat-mom
"Twilight"
~~~~~

>Are... are you sure?

"I'm sorry, but I'm currently in the process of destroying my research. It's caused too much pain to too many to be considered safe anymore, and I have to be rid of it. Of ALL of it."

>It's just... I really liked you as a doctor.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But... it's just not safe anymore for me. No more Twience... at least for now."

>Well... I suppose I understand. But at least you've confirmed I'm not going to be facing any weird complications, right?

"Ye-...uh..."

>...Uh?

"W-well, I mean, okay. There is... one concern I had."

>...

"It's just, well, Changelings are kind of... pointy. There was a concern in my models that the pointyness is going to be... an issue, during birth."

>...meeep...

"N-nothing to freak out about! It's entirely possible that they're soft and nubby as babies!... It is also possible they are not, I admit that. It's... it is also possible that their fluid secretion could mean a lot of... stickyness..."

>...M-m-meep...

"But nothing confirmed! I have absolutely nothing confirmed on the matter one way or the other... should not have said that second part."

>Meep! Meep! MEEP!

"Look, the odds of it sapping the love right out of you are- and I need to stop talking you are starting to hyperventilate."

>MEEPMEEPMEEPMEEPMEEEPMEEP!

"...You know what? Um... I think this is one section of Twience I'll keep open, for old times sakes. I'll uh... I'll keep working on contingencies for complications, alright?"

>....eeeeem....

"Glad to hear it. How's an appointment for next week?"

>...Mhmnmmm....

"Good... good..."

>...

"...I can't feel my neck, please let go."

>N-nuuuuuhhhhh...

"I'll just... I'll just wait..."
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>Chrysalis
"77"
'Applejack'
[Cheerilee]
{SA}
~~~~~

>I spy a-

"Applejack."

>Damn!

'Could ya'll pick somethin' besides me?'

>You're just so tempting to the eyes! I get what smokey sees in you.

'Ya'll jus' don't wanna tilt yer' head, ya' lazy sod.'

>Details, details.

{Hey, anyone in here- whoa. Oh-kay...}

>Shiny! Just the guy I wanted to see! I need you to go take these to that one Changeling in the ballroom surrounded by papers and screaming of canons coming out of his head.

{And you were waiting for me to do this...}

>Nah, I could've got anyone to do it, you're just the guy I wanted to see.

{I do not know how to take that.}

>In the SEXY way!

{Ah... 'omit Titania from future installments'? Why do you care about that?}

>He doesn't know Titania was real.

{Ah.}

'...ya' don't seem surprised.'

{No comment.}

>He got her powers mixed up too. He gave her Chitania's super-size powers.

{Ehhh, isn't she kind of...}

'...Yeah?'

{No further comment.}

"...A-hem, um, Princess Applejack, that look is not really warranted."

'...No comment.'

[Oh my...]

>...Pffft, he's just trying to say they were similar, idiot. And he only stopped himself because that's fucking stupid, and he didn't want to make himself sound dumber. No, they're not similar. Titania's ability was to use magic to essentially make herself a giant suit of armor made out of... um... parts, let's say parts. She didn't grow, she just used magic to make a golem around herself. She was a strong fucking bitch, but she couldn't super-fuck-size herself.

{And, naturally, being that this technique is in some way useful, Chrysalis has NO idea how it works.}

>Of course not, that would be too easy... would be fucking awesome... just going around in a giant corpse-golem, punching-

"C-corpse?"

>Ahhh... yeah. Those parts were... organic, let's just say. Eco-friendly, that one. Chitania was less so. Those two used to get into it all the damn time. Giant corpse golem vs giant changeling... those were fun times... but she was a fucking BITCH and she does not need this... pussification! Bitch deserved to die.

{Well, I'll go drop these off. Just wanted to give you guys some takeout.}

[FOOD! Yay!]

"Very kind of you, Shining Armor, it is appreciated."

'Yeah, thanks.'

>Awww, ya' brought my ice cream? Jeez, totally trying to butter me up so I'll agree to anal, eh? Well, I suppose you've worn me down, so let's go into that still in tact stall real quick and-OW!

'NO! BAD BUG MONSTER! BAD!'

>...Jerk. I'm not sharing my ice cream.

'...Sorry.'

>...Fine, I'll share a little bit.

[...So-]

"I have no idea, and if you try to question it your head will hurt. Just roll with it."

[...Good idea.]
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>Mrs Cake
“Batmom”
‘Dadling’
________

>Hello and welcome to- oh my, my, my, if isn’t the hottest couple in Canterlot right now!

“H-hottest…?”

‘Couple…?

>Oh yes, yes, you two are quite the subject of gossip around here. And why wouldn’t you be? Love between bitter enemies seems like something out of a romance novel, doesn’t it?

“He tricked me. That’s all I have to say.”

‘And she spread her legs. That’s all I have to s- OOF!’

>Oh my, my, careful there, little Changeling. That looked like a strong right hook.

‘F-felt like it, t-too….’

“Hmph. Anyway, passing aside this dumbass-”

‘But I’m YOUR dumbass, though.’

Glimmer quickly pressed a kiss to his cheek, still looking haughty.

“Mine and no one else’s.”

‘Yay.’

>Awwww… You two bring back fond memories of the mister and me. I tell you I had him wrapped around my hoof good’n tight. All I had to do was bat an eyelash and he’d fall head over heels.

“A twitch of my tail and he usually starts drooling.”

>Good girl.

‘Hey!’

>So what may I help you two darlings with today?

“Oh, yes, well, we came by to get a cake for the princess.”

>Which one again? I swear there’s a new one every time I look.

“The Princess of Paperwork.”

>…

‘The one who made it possible to find the love of my life.’

“…th-that wasn’t even you trying, was it?”

‘Nope, straight off the hoof.’

Glimmer kissed him again.

>AAAWWWWW! So. Cute! But I take it you mean Applejack, yes?

“Yes, ma’am. She’s been feeling a tad under the weather ever since… things happened.”

>Ah, then I have just the cake for her. It’s usually special-ordered by that adorable dragon Spike so I know it’ll just light up her day. Just be sure not to eat any, dear.

“Hm? Why not?”

>Oh my, my, you ARE pregnant, aren’t you?

A tender hoof full of holes gently stroked Glimmer’s side.

‘She sure is.’

“…ngh.”

>Then you must watch what you eat, and this cake here will most undoubtedly ensure a worse time than you’re already set to have. I speak from experience.

“Wait, back up a sec. A “worse time”…? What’s that mean?”

>Just that the third trimester is more than likely going to knock you off your cute little hooves and into a whirlwind of demented pain, dear.

Mrs Cake smiled quite warmly as she began frosting the called for confection.

>Yes, the pain, the nausea, the intense mood swings- if your hubby thinks you’ve been a headache before, oh my, my, he’s in for a big surprise. Put it this way, if he hasn’t choked you out by the third day, he’s a keeper, dear.

“…”
‘…’

>And then there’s the contractions, ever the agonizing ride with a just a pinch of unbearable, and Celestia help you if whatever you’ve got growing in your belly happens to want to set up shop and not come out on the due date. Some foals do that, you know, stay in longer. Does nothing but prolong the nightmares. Stubborn cuties they are.

“…”
‘…’

>A pony giving birth to a Changeling had up until now been unheard of so you can probably expect very little in the way of anesthetics and painkillers. Either they won’t be strong enough or they’ll be dangerously strong, and we wouldn’t want to harm the little one, would we? Yes, best to just grin and bear it when the little darling claws its way out of you.

“…”
‘…’

>Oh, but I’ve gotten sidetracked. What did you want your special cake to say, hm?

“…”
‘…’

>Nothing? Okay then, dearies, let me just ring you up!
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>Tickles
"Spike"
~~~~

>I've got you now, pony!... or dragon... it's one of those...

"What the, why is there a thread in the middle of the path here?"

>Yessssss!

"Oh, I see. It was blocking us off from that quicksand pit. Huh. Guess someone must be looking out for us!... And look, the string is tied to a rock we can use to cover the quicksand! Man, today is awesome."

>NOOOOO!
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>Spike
“???”
_________

The others had gone on ahead while Spike stayed behind to mark their progress, and to ensure a viable route back.

Turned out to be a bad idea.

This thing was seriously trying to kill him, he figured, finding concrete evidence of the fact in the way it lashed out at him with those long, maggot-flesh colored arms, nails like razor blades.

But Spike was good at evading, damn good thanks to 42, and he did so to protect his life, trying but failing to figure out what this creature was, this creature that lacked a proper face but had in its place a circular mouth riddled with crooked, yellow fangs.

>This isn’t about me, is it? You’re pissed off that you’re so ugly!

A stray nail grazed the scales of his neck when Spike suddenly dove in, extending his fingers into that weird monsters’ chest. In the breath of time where things froze he could distinctly hear a bubbly voice giggle out, ‘Don’t think, just feel, Spike!’

He clenched his claws into a fist that met the creatures flesh and sent it barreling back into the hard cavern walls.

Before it could even bounce forward, Spike was shoving the barrel of his gun into it’s twisted mouth.

>My one-inch punch is getting better. What do you think?

"SCEEEE-”

BANG.

>Me too.

Just as he was using that things hide to wipe the viscous fluids from his gun, a hat fluttered down from the cathedral-high ceiling to land on his head.

>What in the…? A hat? …huh, it’s pretty soft, and warm. Is this Rarity’s? Wow, she really outdid herself on this one!

And he raced off to find his teammates, unaware of the eight-legged spider-thing lying damn near comatose in a bed of her own web, and foaming at the mouth. Before Spike’s fight, this adorable creature had been on the verge of unleashing it’s dreaded ‘hat-bomb’, but the ensuing violence had set off its anxiety and it wound up fainting, accidentally dropping the bomb, which was now just the most comfiest head-warmer.
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NON-Canon
>Poindexter
"Spike"
~~~~

>You guys are back already!? Why?

"We got overloaded on clothing drops and had to come back to hock it before we reached the final boss. We've come across at least six sets of mittens, nine sweaters, fourteen hats and a bunch of other stuff. Figured we sell it at the general store and get some more advanced weaponry so the boss monster is a little easier to deal with."

>Man... fucking dungeon crawls.

"At least there's some variety in the grinding."
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Also non-canon
>Poindexter
"Spike"
~~~
>Hey, mind if I take a look at some of that stuff? I might be willing to buyy it off you or at least identify it for a higher sale.

"Sure thing."

>Hmmm... I don't mean to alarm you, but this is all in spider silk, and that can mean only one thing...

"the final boss is..."

>A drowny High Priestess.

"Guess that means Rarity will need to focus on buffing spells."

>Yeah, and keep only physical bullets, that spell resistance is bullshit.
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>Chitania
"Drones"
~~~~

>C-...ceeeee... damn it, how do you pronounce this name?

"Is she still hiding in that tree?"

"She thinks we can't see her."

"She's been up there all day, isn't she sore?"

"Who, Chitania? She eats rocks for breakfast.... that's not an exaggeration, she literally eats rocks. I saw her put a rock in her mouth and bite down. Says it makes her fangs sharper."

"Does it?"

"Our Queen says yes, but our Queen is also a prime bitch."

"That she is... wonder what she's doing up there?"

"Plotting to stab our Queen in the back and take her place, what else?"

"What else."

>...CeeeeleeeestEIA... that doesn't sound right... Cell-Ess-TEI-A, maybe? Meh. Close enough... Celessteia would raise the sun every m-...mooor...morning? Gotta be morning. She would raise it every morning, and lower it at night... huh...

Gradually, her eyes go up to the sky, and the sun beating down on her.

>...No wonder mom doesn't want to fight her... but... I wonder what I would get if I beat her?

Slowly, she raises her hoof before her, allowing the sun to shine through one of the holes in the middle of her leg.

>Would I... get to hold the sun if I won? Could I use it for...

She heard them skittering down below, all of the drones going about their business and doing their things. She didn't care about them, really. They served her mother, and they would only follow her out of necessity. But when she had her hive...

>Could... could we have it?

She had tried moving the bright ball that morning, just to see what it would be like. For all of her strength, and she had plenty to spare, she could not move it at all. It was so big, so mighty. Against it, she felt... powerless.

Looking at that big, tall, white figure in the picture... she was afraid. She could never admit it, not to a single soul, but the idea that a pony could have so much power scared her. The idea her strength meant nothing scared her. All of that work, and it wouldn't matter at all...

...That wouldn't do.

Snarling in anger, she leapt from her perch, landing hard in front of the drones.

>WHERE IS THE QUEEN?

Shakily, they pointed and wisely jumped out of her way. It was unlikely she would win this fight against her, she hadn't even come close to winning yet, but she had to try. She had to get stronger. She had to win.

She was going to be the strongest Queen of them all.

And she was going to beat that pony.
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>77
"Cheelie"
'Asmodeus, Archfiend of the Nineth Circle and Fashion Consultant'
~~~
>Dear, I do so appreciate you keeping watch with me.

"Of course, Spike and Rarity are my friends too. Plus, I always enjoy time spent with you."

>As do I, but who is teaching your classes?

"I have that covered."

Meanwhile...

'Alright, class, according to the Ponythagorean Theorem: the sum of the areas of the two squares on the legs (a and b) equals the area of the square on the hypotenuse (c). So going by this, if a roof has two even 'legs' of ten feet, can anyone solve for the hypotenuse?'
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rarity'
~Rekulk~

The trek has come to a stop once again for the great cave expedition to rest. The four unusual traveling companions sit around another luminescent crystal, trying to ignore the fresh horrors they had seen in their latest 'day' of journeying into the dark abyss below Canterlot.

>-so we blew up the warehouse and all that did was piss her off even more!

'I wouldn't say that, dear, I think by that point her rage had hit quite a plateau.'

Rekulk sits before them, rapt as the three had told him of the strange happenings of the land above, miraculous and disastrous, humorous and combative. Rekulk was honestly trying to get his head around how someone could die three times (even if once was fake). On and on the stories go...

~May a question be asked?~

>Sure.

~Where was Zhetri Tuuhl in the battle?~

"That asshole? He only went and tried to-"

>Help as much as he could. He tried to poison Chitania with that mushroom of yours.

~The Rezhulk.~

>Yeah, that.

~Where is Zhetri Tuuhl now? He did not...perish, did he?~

"Heh, nope, he's where he belongs, if you ask me."

Rekulk gives Blueblood a sour look.

~Zhetri Tuuhl is not in the caves, Blood of Blue, I would know if he was.~

"No, I mean-"

>He's off trying to help some of the other cities that were hit. He jumped at the chance to help his species' image after Chitania pretty much tried to destroy it.

Rekulk nods.

~Zhetri Tuuhl is a help to all he can, this is known to be true.~

>Yeah...

Rarity clears her throat.

'Rekulk, darling, perhaps you'd like to share a bit about yourself?'

"He would, but I wouldn't like to hear it."

'Quiet you.'

"What? Just because I agreed to come down here doesn't mean I want to hear more horrible facts about this lunatics life!"

~My life is not...interesting, not very.~

>Come on, man, it might make us trust you more.

~If it is insisted, then. I was born fourth of a litter of six, my youngers were devoured by the eldest when our mother was not aware-~

>Uh...maybe skip ahead from there.

Rekulk nods.

~I grew within our great cavern, skulking at edges, learning from watching, sneaking food from the hunters' kills when the adults did not watch. It was harsh...but it was all there was. Then, as I grew near adulthood, stories began to spread, stories of evil creatures stalking in the tunnels.~

"...how is that new information?"

~They were different, jet black with demon's eyes, and strange powers.~

>77's group.

Rekulk nods.

~A few had been killed but more remained. The chieftain was powerful and evil but...I think he feared them. He ordered the warriors, but did not fight with them until the end, when he was sure the monsters were on the run. I...think it is known what happened next.~

>77 made it out, 32 killed the chief and became your leader.

"Well, after liberally applying ritual murder to a ton of them."

Rekulk glares at Blueblood.

~The deaths were just, he was challenged, he won. It happened many times...I had only just grown to adulthood, I could not challenge until others had done so. He mocked us in those days, screamed in his tongue and ours, demanding he be killed, but then killing his challengers.~

'That's horrible...'

~It kept until I was one of the few left that would fight. I challenged Zhetri Tuuhl, and met his eyes...he was...different. Sad. We fought, I lost, his hoof on my neck, I waited to join the others in death, another dishonor to our tribe.~

>But he let you live.

~Go. He pulled his hoof off my neck and told me go. I was the first he allowed to live, I will never forget.~

Rekulk looks down.

~I hope he will return one day, head of metal is wise but...Zhetri Tuuhl is different, he is our...nngh...what is word?~

>Leader?

'King?'

"Egomaniacal Prick?"

~No...I will think of word on watch, you must rest. I will keep the creatures away.~

"Great, it'll do little to allay my nightmares, but great."

The two unicorns curl up to sleep, quickly falling to slumber, Spike moves to join Rarity.

~Spike of Scales.~

>Yeah?

~Zhetri Tuuhl is...safe, yes? When we left him in the city of white, I felt...anger from him, anger I had never felt. I have fear that...he did something unlike what he is.~

>...yeah, Rekulk, he's safe.

Rekulk smiles.

~That is good, I remember the word. Zhetri Tuuhl is father. To all of us. We would like him back one day.~

>I'm sure it can be arranged some day...

~That is good. Now sleep, Spike of Scales, I will guard against the beasts in the dark.~

Spike does as told, yawning and curling up with Rarity.

Rekulk keeps his solemn vigil, a smile on his face.

If only he knew.
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Non-canon

>Rekulk
"Spike"
'Rarity'
~Blueblood~

They were running now, frantically sprinting in a literal maze of darkness as abominations of the foulest degree gave chase, joining together in overwhelming hordes before making their attack. When fighting back proved fruitless- for every three they downed, another six instantly took its spot- they knew their only resort was to run.

Spike was spouting curses. Even if Rekulk could barely make out the offensive words, he knew well enough to read the dragons distressed expression.

Blood of the Blue, he had discarded his rifle half a mile back, and not discarded so much as had it forcibly ripped from his hooves and chucked like little more than a twig.

The purple-haired female pony was shooting beams of concentrated magic behind her but the jets just bounced off some of the larger monsters, flickering into nothing.

Just like their chances of survival.

What... What would Zhetri Tuuhl do now?

The answer came to Rekulk before he could fully form the question, and it was his sudden stop that caused the others to skid to a halt.

"What in the hell are you doing?!"

~They're coming!~

'Rekulk, dear, we have to go!'

>...No.

He fixed the three of them with a soft look. They were his... what was the word? Comrades? Traders? Friends? ...yeah, that last one sounded right, and then Rekulk slowly turned around.

>You go. I stay.

"WHAT?"

'This isn't the time for games, Re-'

Blueblood was suddenly in motion, galloping up to Rekulks side and quickly glaring deep into those dark ocular pits. All it took was a single shared glance.

>We see each other, Blood of Blue.... You take them and leave. I will hold them back.

~...~

Spike and Rarity exploded with protests-

~DAMN IT!~

-protests that morphed into gasps of surprise when Blueblood tore back towards them, igniting his horn with a spark of magic that over layered both Spike and Rarity and lifted them as though they weighed no more than a bit.

"Blueblood, put us down, we can't let him do this! We're not losing him!"

'Let us go you blonde oaf!'

And a rather weak, fatigued burst of magic struck Blueblood over the head but he just grit his teeth, staring up at them at with red-rimmed eyes, eyes that begged to weep but refused to at the moment.

~I'm s-sorry....~

Ignoring their combined yelling, growing all the more shrill, Blueblood glanced back at Rekulk. He just stood there, watching serenely, even as the ground quaked, heralding an impending death.

~Th... fuck! Thank you, Rekulk.~

>When you see Zhetri Tuuhl... Tell him. Tell him I did good thing today.

"YOU BASTARD DONT DO THIS!"

>Now go!

Like it was the most painful thing ever, like every step was laced with glistening glass, Blueblood broke out into a haggard run towards the darkness, dragging the other two behind him, their anguished cries and screams persisting even when Rekulk could no longer make them out.

>Yes... I stay. You go. Speak with Zhetri Tuuhl. Remember Rekulk, yes....

He faced the oncoming horde with strong legs, mind free, body light, not a single ounce of regret lingering to weigh him down.

>Today I will take a great sleep, but many of you will join me at rest. I am Rekulk. Morlock, trader, and... friend.
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>Tickles
"Rarity"
~~~~

>HA! Now for my ultimate trap! The moment my magic-wrecker gets slipped on her horn, that one will be doomed! DOOMED! My ancient arcane symbols will sap her dry! AHAHAH!

"Oh how cute, a little horn-cozy! It even has a little smiley face on it!... And it's just so snug and warm!"

>SHOOT!
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>Tickles
"Blueblood"
~~~~

>Now they're done for! My weapon of destruction shall kill them all!

"Oh, hey, there's a net or something here."

>Yeeeeessssss....

"...Not to worry, it's not rigged to anything, and it's too high up to catch us. My, it is a beautiful sight, isn't it?"

>What!? But it should be rigged to that spiked stone! See, this stone right he-... DAMN!
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