Found in a file named "Kurt Vonnegut Fights Dwarves"????

TYRANNY OF DRAGONS MAGIC ITEMS

WEAPON

Vanquisher’s Lament: A short spear, made by Emily’s family. The handle grows warm when within 120 feet of a dragon. It’s empowered with an enchantment to help the bearer deal with temperatures from -20 F* to 120 F*, as well as granting Advantage on saving throws versus breath weapons, and has a +1 to attack and damage. The +1 to attack and damage can be traded for a +1 to AC at the start of each turn. Against dragon subtype enemies, this weapon becomes a +2 to attack and damage, which can be traded for AC as per usual. Once per short rest, it can teleport back to the attuned user’s hand. The weapon is possessed by the fragmented spirit of Carnby, who very much wants to be free to die. ATTUNED to Sunrose Family.
	GAINS POWER FROM DRAGONS
The first chromatic dragon slain in the presence of this weapon gives you 1 power point. Each dragon after that must be stronger than the dragon before it to grant more points.
UPGRADES
1.	Frenzy, three times per long rest the spear can emit a screaming wail that empowers the user to strike faster. The wielder gains Haste for the next 2 minutes.
2.	Point of Light, can cast any spell that costs a full action as a Bonus Action, twice per long rest.
3.	Healing Aura, once per long rest, as an action, up to 3 allies within 15ft of the bearer regain 5 HP per turn for 5 turns.

After 3 upgrades, Carnby awakens.

Courtoisie: A bizarre longbow with scrambled writing on the side. It appears as though someone tried to spell Courtesy in Sylvan, but had some trouble along the way. *Courtoisie*. When stating loudly and clearly your intent, with politeness, the weapon gains magical power, giving it a +1 to hit and damage. Against especially rude enemies, the weapon also grants an additional 1d8 damage. This does not work on deaf targets, or those who cannot hear. Surprisingly also, if you let it, it can throw its voice into a willing targets mouth, speaking for them for 1 minute. The voice generally helps the user avoid conflict as best as it can, and if all fails, attempts to force them into a social faux pas, so as to grant weapon bonuses. ATTUNED to Dex 16+.

Skysplitter: A quarterstaff that is empowered by magic, gaining a +1 to hit and damage. Charge can be regained by peaceful contemplation within sight of the sky for 1 hour. The item has a maximum of 1 charge. As long as it has a charge, it rumbles slightly, as if there’s something trapped inside it. At the cost of one charge, the staff can make a melee attack against a foe and add an additional 4d8 thunder damage to the attack. Alternatively, the staff can call down some extra effects. ATTUNED to speakers of druidic.
•	Weather Control: The staff can spend a charge to slowly alter the weather. Within 15 minutes, you can make it rain, thunderstorm, sunny, windy, or foggy.
•	Day: As an action, the staff calls down a bright searing light in a 20x20ft square that deals 2d6 radiant damage to all starting a turn within the square, or entering for the first in their turn. It lasts for 1 minute. In addition, as a bonus action, the ray can target a specific foe, losing the area effect, but changing damage to 4d10 radiant,  WIS save for half. This works underground or inside buildings.
•	Night: As an action, the staff summons a grasping fog in a 30ft radius of a point within 90ft. The fog counts as difficult terrain, and does 2d8 necrotic damage to targets inside. The damage can be negated by a DC 14 STR saving throw. The fog lasts for your WIS mod in minutes, and can be moved as a bonus action, to any point within 90ft of you, at the cost of 1 minute from the duration.

Onslaught Conduits: Powerful gauntlets that grant supernatural strength. While equipped, they’re highly cumbersome, preventing the wielding of any other weapon. They enhance Strength by 2 while equipped and attuned, and do 2d4 + STR damage.  The gauntlets regain charge by killing targets of sufficient threat, and can hold a maximum of 1.  Attuned to STR 16+
•	At the cost of 1 charge, as an action, the wearer can slam the fists together to issue forth a thundering wave 5ft in all directions, dealing 2d10 thunder damage and pushing them back 5ft, CON Save for half damage, DC 14.
•	At the cost of 1 charge, as an action the gauntlets can channel a thunderbolt in a 30ft line, 5ft width. Targets take 3d10 thunder damage and are knocked prone, DC 14 STR Save for half damage and no being knocked prone.
Upgrade : Upon defeating a hated rival, the sledgehammer fists unlock the secret piston system on the back of the gauntlets, allowing for more force. Their damage dice switch to 2d6, and the Conduit’s enhance Strength by 4 instead of 2.

Victory Call: A set of drums with the symbols of a long dead empire on it. The drums have several functions. Charges are refreshed with a long rest, and cap at 5. ATTUNED to any with Drum Proficiency.
Hustle: As an action, the drums can be played to enhance the speed of up to 8 allies by 10 ft for 3 turns. This costs 1 charge.
Wake Up: As a reaction, any unconscious ally can be brought back up to 5 HP. Does not work on dead allies.  This costs 3 charges.
Try Again: As an action, your target gains the ability to reroll a failed attack roll made within the next minute. A target cannot benefit from more than one use of this at a time. This costs 2 charges.
Drum Roll: As an action, you can target one enemy within 30ft. playing a drum roll, the enemy is stricken with 1d8+CHA psychic damage, DC 14 CHA saving throw for no damage, costing 1 charge. If they didn’t make the saving throw, you can chain the attack to another creature within 30ft of that one, doing the same attack at the cost of 1 charge. This can be used until you’re out of charges.
Upgrade: Upon learning an important lesson about being good, and not being vain, Bahumut will assist you, enhancing your Drum Roll ability. The ability can be used without spending charges in an alternate form. It becomes a spell attack roll versus AC, using the bearer’s stats, however can only chain one time.

Shepherd’s Crook: An estoc that changes shape to fit its foes. It is functionally a rapier. The blade however appears to be a little sheepish, and doesn’t like to spend a lot of time drawn. It can only be used for 10 rounds per day. When drawn, the weapon lets loose a war cry, and stabilizes all allied creatures who are unconscious, and gains a +2 to damage versus Evil foes. In addition, the weapon can shape-shift into a reach weapon, still one handed. If the weapon is wielded by an Evil creature, the weapon dissipates into the ether to return later.  Attuned to CHA 16+

Caged Valour: A heinous fiend is locked inside this amulet that has to be appeased to provide benefits. The amulet holds a maximum of 5 charges. The Valour awakens with 3 charges after a long rest, and can only regain energy through doing Evil actions, which gain 2 charges, but will slowly corrupt your alignment towards Evil. When the bearer reaches Chaotic Evil, the amulet consumes them.
Restoration: Heal 1d4+3 HP of damage instantly. Costs 1 charge.
Fiery Ward: Enemies gain advantage to attack you, but for every successful hit landed on you, they take 1d4+STR fire damage. Lasts for 2 rounds, costs 1 charge.
Deep Laughter: All foes within 30ft must make a DC 14 WIS save or have to make a choice. They can either focus on the wearer of the amulet for the next 3 rounds, ignoring all other combatants, or cause the Frightened condition for 3 rounds. Costs 2 charges.

Ring of the Champion: A ring that is guarded by an ancient spirit. The spirit is very subtle and quiet, and communicates via magical surges. At first it just seems like a golden ring with glowing banding on it, but during battle it causes a number of effects.
•	When facing weak enemies, the ring will randomly test you during the fight, giving you disadvantage on attack rolls.
•	When facing enemies roughly on par with you, it gives you nothing. This is expected from you.
•	When facing tougher enemies, you gain 10 temporary HP at the start of the fight, and can spend Hit Dice to heal as a bonus action. In addition, twice per short rest, you may ignore disadvantage on attack rolls.
•	When facing certain death from overwhelming force, you become immune to all conditions, resistance to all damage, advantage on all saves, and a secret reserve of 50 HP.

Samson: A donkey’s jawbone, sputtering with golden light. While useless to a human, when wild shaping into a beast, the animal form mutates slightly. You can choose which mutation to apply. You can apply more than one.
However, every time you turn into animal form and willingly accept a mutation, roll a DC 15 Con save. On a failure, your normal body takes 1d8+5 psychic damage from the pain of the mutation, falling unconscious in your standard form forces you out of wild shape. ATTUNED to druids.
•	Gnarled Hide: Gain additional Max HP equal to twice your druid level, and gain 3 AC.
•	Glowing Eyes: As a bonus action, your beast form exudes an intense fear effect at a number of enemies. You can affect 3 creatures with the Frightened condition, for 3 turns, DC 15 Wis Saving throw. Can only be used once per use of wild shape. In addition, you gain a +2 to hit with all attacks.
•	Rage: Your beast form does an additional 2 damage with all attacks, gain Resistance to slashing/piercing/bludgeoning damage.

The Azure Arbitrator: An old worn heavy crossbow, with the symbol of 27’s unit on it. The bow itself mostly just looks like a standard heavy crossbow, with the exception being a bizarre sling shot system on the side, which allows for firing of alchemical weapons such as holy water or alchemist’s fire, all of which do 2 times damage. One time per short rest, if a prayer is said for the fallen, the bow can automatically hit for normal damage as an action. In addition, it has a +1 to attacks and damage. ATTUNED to 27.
‘Useless’: A bizarre old suit of armor, made apparently of glass and steel. It is utterly useless until attuned, then it functions as platemail. It is a +2 set of plate mail that grants a +4 to Constitution. Every day it starts with 5 charges. ATTUNED only to clerics.
•	For 1 charge, can be used to turn into a suit of clothing and back again at a later point in the same day.
•	For 2 charges, it can borrow HP from up to 8 allies. Each ally can choose to give up to 5 HP to a pool of temporary hit points for the wearer. These last until the armor’s charges are all expended.
•	For 1 charge per turn, you can become immune to one elemental damage type. The cost is paid at the start of each turn.
•	For all remaining charges, you can shatter the armor outward in an explosion, dealing 3d10 sonic damage per charge left to any creature within 10ft, DC 15 Con saving throw for half damage. The armor is then useless till the next dawn after a long rest, at which point it is repaired by the sun’s rays.

Rangerpact: A special armor that can only be worn by the devoted companion to a ranger. It’s a green harness that grants different effects to different beast types. For all beasts, it grants the ability to operate independently, without using actions to command them. ATTUNED only to rangers. When their master is “bloodied”, they also begin to RAGE, as per the rules in the Barbarian class.
•	On birds of prey, when calculating hitpoints, treat your ranger level as one higher, a +2 to AC, as well as giving all foes disadvantage on opportunity attacks against it.
•	On other beasts, all gain an additional attack per attack action.
Cloak of the Sworddancer: A cloak that enhances the natural fighter abilities of a trained warrior. The cloak can help the wearer avoid being hit, and teleport the user around. The cloak has a maximum of 4 charges. It can be recharged by a long rest, or by taking risky actions. ATTUNED only to fighters.
•	After an enemy hits with an attack, at the cost of 1 charge, you can throw the cloak up granting you a +1d12 to your AC. If this causes the attack to miss, you may move 5ft away.
•	As an action, at the cost of 2 charges, you can target 3 opponents within 25ft of you, and flip the cloak up, sending poisoned daggers flying at them as a ranged attack roll with proficiency. The daggers do 1d6+DEX poison damage, and the targets must make a DC 13 Con save or be Poisoned for 1 minute.
•	As an action, at the cost of 1 charge, the wearer can teleport to any square within 40ft that he has direct line of sight to.

Face of the Dragon
A full face helmet with a bizarre breathing system. The wearer is counted as a dragon subtype whenever they desire to be counted as one, can breathe in whatever atmosphere they need, and are immune to air based acid/gas weapons. Once per long rest, the wearer can transform into a creature closely resembling a half-dragon (the helmet morphs into the dragon form), in a chromatic or metallic dragon color, each one with Resistance to their appropriate damage type, and granting an additional 15 max HP, followed by healing them for 20. This lasts for 2 minutes. The helmet holds up to 6 charges, and refreshes them with a long rest.
•	GAZE OF WEAKNESS: The helmet can spend 2 charges to glare at a single enemy, giving it weakness to a chosen non-physical damage type. This can remove Resistance, but does not affect Immunity.
•	GAZE OF FEAR: The helmet can spend 2 charges to emit a fear aura. Creatures capable of fear within 60ft must make a DC 13 Wis save or become Frightened. This lasts for 6 more turns, with a save of DC 15 Wis on each one after the first to resist it. If used on the same creature more than once, they are immune.
•	BREATH WEAPON: Providing the user is in half-dragon state, the wearer can spend 1 charge to utilize a breath weapon based on their chosen dragon color type. If not in half-dragon mode, you can spend 2 charges to fire one anyway, based on your Dragon bloodline.
o	Lightning and Acid use 30 foot lines, 5ft wide. Damage is 4d10, DC 14 Dex save for half.
o	Poison, fire, and cold use a 30ft cone, Damage is 4d8, DC 14 Con save for half.

Tiamat’s Wishes
A pair of shortswords empowered by Tiamat to find gold and treasure. They can switch between two forms as a bonus action. Additionally, they only count as one item for Attunement.
•	Avarice: By sliding the swords down each other, they glow with a golden light, and can lead the bearer to treasure. In this form, they do +1 attack and damage, they can also blind enemies with glinting light. As a bonus action, select one target within 45 ft. They must make a DC 15 Wis check or be Blinded for 2 turns. Any valuable treasure within 100ft makes the swords begin twinkling, and if asked, the swords will point in the direction of treasure.
•	Destruction: By sliding the swords up, they glow with a crimson light and grow sharper, gaining a +2 to attack and damage. Upon dropping an enemy with a sneak attack, you regain 1d6+2 hp.

Mantle of the Night
The cloak is an old nameless thing which isn’t known in stories or tales. No one has heard of it. Considering it’s been used by thieves and murderers, that makes sense. It carries 3 charges, and refreshes them when short resting.
•	Darkness: At the cost of 1 charge, the wearer can fill the area within a 60ft radius with magical darkness as per the darkness spell. The bearer is immune to the effects, and can see normally.
•	Jinx: At the cost of 1 charge, one target creature begins to have a bad time for 1 minute. They take an additional 1d4 damage from your attacks for the duration, and you pick one attribute that they gain disadvantage with when using.
•	Invisibility: At the cost of 2 charges, the wearer can go invisible for 1 minute. This wears off when taking an attack action.

Courtoisie: When stating loudly and clearly your intent, with politeness, the weapon gains magical power, giving it a +1 to hit and damage. Against especially rude enemies, the weapon also grants an additional 1d8 damage. This does not work on deaf targets, or those who cannot hear. Surprisingly also, if you let it, it can throw its voice into a willing targets mouth, speaking for them for 1 minute. The voice generally helps the user avoid conflict as best as it can, and if all fails, attempts to force them into a social faux pas, so as to grant weapon bonuses. ATTUNED to Dex 16+.

Vanquisher’s Lament: The handle grows warm when within 120 feet of a dragon. It’s empowered with an enchantment to help the bearer deal with temperatures from -20 F* to 120 F*, as well as granting Advantage on saving throws versus breath weapons, and has a +1 to attack and damage. The +1 to attack and damage can be traded for a +1 to AC at the start of each turn. Against dragon subtype enemies, this weapon becomes a +2 to attack and damage, which can be traded for AC as per usual. Once per short rest, it can teleport back to the attuned user’s hand. ATTUNED to Sunrose Family. Healing Aura, once per long rest, as an action, up to 3 allies within 15ft of the bearer regain 5 HP per turn for 5 turns.