Feast or Famine script

Chapter 1 - Cui Bono
Part 1 - Check It Out

Barricade
You two may be wondering why I called you here.

Bonecrusher
Something needs to be maimed or smashed?

Mixmaster
I was just pleased to be part of a combined team.

Barricade
Copy that. Resources are low, I require strong Decepticons to help me investigate where to gather more supplies.

Bonecrusher
By... smashing things?

Barricade
I suppose, it is possible, that smashing will be required.

Bonecrusher
This pleases me.



Mixmaster
Where did we used to get Energon from? I just always found some when I needed it.

Barricade
Decepticon Energon production slowed and Autobots were maintaining fuel and resources. That has ceased as they bicker, according to my interrogations.

Bonecrusher
You're interrogating? How?

Barricade
I hit them until they start screaming things that make sense to me.

Mixmaster
Elegant in its simplicity. So, why not just tell Megatron the problem?

Barricade
One does not present a problem to Megatron without a solution. Also I don't want to be put in charge of digging for food.



Barricade
There are some Autobots over the hill, we'll just tell them to get back to work.

Bumblebee (G1)
IT'S MAGNUS! I KNOW IT! HE'LL LEAD US BACK TO PRIME!

Bumblebee (Movie)
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T SLAY YOUR PRIME?

Bumblebee (G1)
MAGNUS WOULDN'T DO THAT!

Bumblebee (Movie)
BUT THAT'S NOT MAGNUS!

Bonecrusher
Which one of them do we smash for more info?

Bumblebee (G1)
You got DECEPTICON backup now? Finally someone I don't mind hitting!

Barricade
...We'll start with that one.

-

Part 2 - Hold It Now

Bumblebee (Movie)
What was that about?! What are you even doing here?

Mixmaster
Your petty squabbles have caused a downturn in productivity that has resulted in a bottleneck of resources. We require your emergency rations to stay functioning.

Barricade
Mixmaster, you're surprisingly intelligent. Bonecrusher, do you also hide secret genius?

Bonecrusher
N'ah. Just him.

Barricade
The bluntness of your self awareness is at least reassuring.

Bonecrusher
...Kay. Just so you know, the yellow guy ran away while you were talking.

Barricade
WHAT?! STOP! OUT OF FEAR OF MY LAWS!



Blaster
I'd have thought that the sound of Autobots fighting would have you swinging, swaying, and dancing in the street.

Bonecrusher
It did for a bit, but the it started affecting our meal times and we got irritable real fast.

Mixmaster
You all MUST combine, you MUST work together. You have a duty to each other and to this world. You are better TOGETHER!

Blaster
Is he okay?

Barricade
All of this is stirring up a lot of separation anxiety for Mixmaster. Because YOU all won't just do your JOBS.

Blaster
Well, one of my jobs is kicking Decepticon tailpipe! I'm happy to start doing that.



Mixmaster
They don't understand how good they've got it! A whole team supporting you... I miss being part of something bigger.

Barricade
We eill cease speaking of our pathetic EMOTIONS. That is an exposed weakness.

Boncrusher
We barely speak at all! Just SMASH SMASH SMASH and maybe one thing shouted!

Barricade
This is not group therapy, we are not here to develop deeper emotional bonds! We are here to force Autobots into working so we can steal from them!

Bumblebee (Movie)
How would you all survive if not for us Autobots? You're all so needy.

Mixmaster
MY FEELINGS ARE VALID! RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE MELTING YOU DOWN!

-

Chapter 2 - Carpe Industria
Part 1 - Got To Give

Barricade
Alright so Autobutts are a bust. But there must be someone keeping some supplies on hand.

Bonecrusher
I keep seein' the high-flyers buzzing overhead. Let's see what's keeping their jets going.

Mixmaster
If you two are truly starving, the sludge which is produced in my mixing drum could have SOME nutritional value.

Barricade
I will NEVER be hungry enough to test that theory.

Mixmaster
I'm just trying to help...

Barricade
Well, you're bad at it.



Barricade
This area is a landing field for some of the more flight-centric Decepticons. No spikes in Energon though.

Mixmaster
Do they need a landing strip? I thought they can just STOP being planes.

Barricade
I think it's more a comfort and camouflage thing, that's why I sleep next to a jail. Where do you spend your free time?

Mixmaster
In a hole. A real BIG hole. Might be a construction site. But it's pretty... hole... shaped.

Barricade
There conversations are starting to depress me.

Ramjet
What the scrap are you all doing here?

Barricade
RIGHT! We came here for a reason. Someone grab him!



Ramjet
You all are toast once my friends show up. TOAST I TELL YA'!

Bonecrusher
I am so hungry I'd try eating some toast. Can we even digest human food?

Mixmaster
Bots can have a little bit of people food, as a treat. It just doesn't power anything.

Thundercracker
YOU PATHETIC WHEEL ROLLERS WILL CLEAR MY AIRFIELD!

Barricade
You're crabbier than usual Thundercracker. You also short on supplies?

Thundercracker
Supplies, followers, and patience. Starscream has lured every Sharkticon away. They used to work for ME! My own personal army!

Barricade
If you don't have any fuel we'll be on our way then.

Thundercracker
Not so fast, you crawling worms! I still rule the skies and I, THUNDERCRACKER, shall be your new commander!

-

Part 2 - Make Some Noise

Barricade
Have you calmed down? What's this about the Sharkticons and Starscream?

Thundercracker
The two of us have been battling for control over the Sharks, but he did something I'd never seen before...

Barricade
What's that?

Thundercracker
He was actually a LEADER! Competent and everything! He had a strategy and plans, I do not understand it!

Bonecrusher
We ain't here for shark tales. You know where we can get supplies? every foundry and depot is empty.

Thundercracker
Soundwave has a cache of emergency rations. Makes sense considering the crew of tiny tapes he runs with.

Barricade
I think I've scouted out that location before. The warehouse can be handy for disposing of suspects after they outlive their use.



Barricade
I am scanning unnatural deposits of Energon around here.

Soundwave
You are not authorized to be in the resource storage vaults.

Bonecrusher
But we are hungry. So... give it!

Bludgeon
You three are not priorities. This is being kept for when proper and useful Decepticons need to be reinforced.

Barricade
Creepy skull-face here gets help but we get nothing?

Bludgeon
Do not despair, if you cease functions I shall ensure your empty husks serve a greater purpose.



Barricade
So if this isn't for us who IS it for?

Soundwave
For all Energon gathered, 30% is put aside for Megatron's emergency use. Do you not also store fuel for the benefit of Megatron?

Barricade
Not even a little.

Mixmaster
That seems like a rule you made up... then decided was real.

Bonecrusher
So... how much of it do you figure we could eat before Megatron noticed?

Soundwave
I assume you have already begun feasting. How much did you devour?

Bonecrusher
More than some of it, less than all of it. I'm not much for measuring.

Soundwave
...You shall all leave here immediately.

-

Chapter 3 - Vincit Qui Se Vincit
Part 1 - Get It Together

Mixmaster
Well, that was a bust. Didn't Thundercracker say something about the Sharkticons? Maybe they can help.

Bonecrusher
Yeah... I could probably eat a shark. Lots of sharp parts but I'll make it work.

Mixmaster
Not what I meant, but also not NOT what I meant now that I think about it.

Barricade
Then we're agreed, find where Starscream is gathering the Sharkticon forces, then either ask for help or go full cannibal

Bonecrusher
Sounds like a BUNCH of good plans, let's get a move on.



Tantrum
YAH! YAH! Get a move on! Come on now!

Barricade
Tantrum, what do you think you're doing?

Tantrum
Well howdy there Sheriff. Starscream put me in charge of corralling some of his wayward Demolition Sharkticons.

Mixmaster
Ah, you plan to charge them all into a defenseless Autobot Base?

Tantrum
Nope, controlled explosions along this ridge to let the Tech Sharkticons check for mineral deposits and resources.

Bonecrusher
That sounds like... work. Why follow someone's command and do grunt work?

Tantrum
He brought me a home where the Sharkticons roam. Now let me settle this range or y'all can just get to stepping.



S-1000
Why do you interfere with the Sharkticons in the line of their duties?

Barricade
You want to talk Section 53a-167a of the criminal code with ME? There's not a law I won't break if it brings me my next meal.

Mixmaster
We're all getting hungry and impatient. At this point, I'd steal any scrap if it'd make me less miserable

S-1000
Master Starscream has found a purpose for us. We serve him now. Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me?

Bonecrusher
This big gold shark is making me see red. Let's just smash him down and move along.

-

Part 2 - Sabotage

Barricade
I've never seen the Sharkticons organized before. Things get weirder and weirder around here.

Shockwave
Indeed... Starscream has begun to revitalize the ecosystem here. Most curious.

Mixmaster
So that's good right? Make the planet healthy for Decepticons to thrive?

Shockwave
If his goal was betterment for anyone but himself, then it would be good.

Barricade
You saying that little twerp has gone rogue?

Shockwave
I am saying that nothing here is as it seems. When Starscream gets the idea to reform a planet in his image we should all be concerned.



Barricade
Now that you're here as backup we can team up and get at the supplies 'Scream has been mining.

Starscream
That won't be needed, I am more than willing to share my resources.

Mixmaster
Hey! That's friendly of you!

Starscream
...Of course, I already have so many mouths to feed. So many of you here now. Perhaps try-outs for my team are in order.

Bonecrusher
What like... you need to see a resume or something?

Starscream
Something like that... I see shockwave is already powering up for an interview.

Shockwave
Nothing personal you three. Resources are short and less functioning bots DOES make sense for conservation.



Mixmaster
This how you run your troops, Starscream? Bunch of brainless fighting?

Starscream
Brainless? Hardly! They each have clearly designated skill sets. Techs, scouts, and more. They greatly assist in terraforming.

Barricade
You want them to be of use? When I find a Sharkticon I use them as SCRAP to forge parts for myself.

Starscream
This is why Decepticons fail! You see nothing but blunt instruments. I see a workshop of finely crafted tools.

Bonecrusher
Well I'm looking to craft a dinner out of your smug smirk!

Starscream
You're as smart as you are handsome, Bonecrusher.

Mixmaster
I think that was an insult.

Bonecrusher
I KNOW IT WAS AN INSULT! I'VE SEEN MY FACE! LET'S GET HIM!