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  1.  
  2. FACADE STAGEPLAY
  3. Mon May 30 22 53 34 2011
  4.  
  5. TRIP
  6. Where are the new wine glasses?
  7.  
  8. GRACE
  9. What for?
  10.  
  11. TRIP
  12. That should be obvious!
  13.  
  14. GRACE
  15. Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!
  16.  
  17. TRIP
  18. Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!
  19.  
  20. GRACE
  21. What -- Trip, don't give me that look!
  22.  
  23. GRACE
  24. You're going to drive me crazy!
  25.  
  26. (John knocks on the front door.)
  27.  
  28. (John knocks on the front door.)
  29.  
  30. TRIP
  31. Oh, he's here!
  32.  
  33. GRACE
  34. What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
  35.  
  36. TRIP
  37. No, he's right on time!
  38.  
  39. GRACE
  40. Trip...!
  41.  
  42. (Trip opens the front door.)
  43.  
  44. JOHN
  45. Am I interruping something?
  46.  
  47. TRIP
  48. John!!
  49.  
  50. TRIP
  51. Hi! It's so great to see you! -- (interrupted)
  52.  
  53. TRIP
  54. Uh...
  55.  
  56. TRIP
  57. Well come on in...
  58.  
  59. TRIP
  60. Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...
  61.  
  62. TRIP
  63. (unintelligable arguing)
  64.  
  65. (JOHN knocks on the front door.)
  66.  
  67. (JOHN closes the front door.)
  68.  
  69. TRIP
  70. (unintelligable -- (interrupted)
  71.  
  72. GRACE
  73. No, no, here we are!
  74.  
  75. GRACE
  76. John,
  77.  
  78. GRACE
  79. Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!
  80.  
  81. TRIP
  82. Yeah, it has been a long time.
  83.  
  84. JOHN
  85. Too long.
  86.  
  87. GRACE
  88. (clears throat) Well, John, ha ha, that's kind of a bold way to say hello... uh... -- (interrupted)
  89.  
  90. JOHN
  91. Really?
  92.  
  93. GRACE
  94. Well, come in, -- (interrupted)
  95.  
  96. GRACE
  97. Aw, ha ha ha!
  98.  
  99. GRACE
  100. And, I've got to say, you look really good!
  101.  
  102. TRIP
  103. Heh heh, -- (interrupted)
  104.  
  105. JOHN
  106. No
  107.  
  108. TRIP
  109. N -- no, no, uh, heh, we've, uh -- we've missed you.
  110.  
  111. TRIP
  112. Hey, I just realized something.
  113.  
  114. GRACE
  115. What...
  116.  
  117. TRIP
  118. We have to celebrate! Tonight's a special night!
  119.  
  120. GRACE
  121. What do you mean?
  122.  
  123. TRIP
  124. John, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.
  125.  
  126. TRIP
  127. Senior year of college!
  128.  
  129. GRACE
  130. Oh... geez...
  131.  
  132. TRIP
  133. Remember that?
  134.  
  135. JOHN
  136. I see it's worked out.
  137.  
  138. TRIP
  139. Oh yeah, let me tell you about work. I just brought in a new account - print ads for a line of bridal fashion.
  140.  
  141. TRIP
  142. Very big.
  143.  
  144. GRACE
  145. I think you forgot to mention that I'm the lead designer on this project.
  146.  
  147. JOHN
  148. I didn't mention your job.
  149.  
  150. TRIP
  151. Oh it's a great, -- (interrupted)
  152.  
  153. TRIP
  154. Oh, w -- well, speaking of our work project, um, I -- I'll have to tell you about my trip to Barcelona that landed the contract.
  155.  
  156. GRACE
  157. Yes, Trip has a very persuasive way about him. He's a real charmer.
  158.  
  159. JOHN
  160. No. Shut up.
  161.  
  162. GRACE
  163. Yeah.
  164.  
  165. TRIP
  166. Um, well, without you, we wouldn't even have this celebration.
  167.  
  168. (Trip shakes the advice ball.)
  169.  
  170. JOHN
  171. And in the game!
  172.  
  173. TRIP
  174. Oh, well...
  175.  
  176. TRIP
  177. I'm gonna fix us some drinks.
  178.  
  179. PHONE
  180. ** RING **
  181.  
  182. TRIP
  183. Oh, I'll get it --
  184.  
  185. GRACE
  186. No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.
  187.  
  188. PHONE
  189. ** RING **
  190.  
  191. JOHN
  192. Get it.
  193.  
  194. GRACE
  195. What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...
  196.  
  197. PHONE
  198. ** RING **
  199.  
  200. JOHN
  201. Pick it up.
  202.  
  203. TRIP
  204. Oh, well, h -- hold on... (clears throat)
  205.  
  206. PHONE
  207. ** RING **
  208.  
  209. TRIP
  210. Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy -- (interrupted)
  211.  
  212. JOHN
  213. It could be important.
  214.  
  215. ANSWERING MACHINE
  216. ** click **
  217.  
  218. ANSWERING MACHINE
  219. You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!
  220.  
  221. GRACE
  222. Oh, ha ha ha, God, let's not talk about my parents... we've heard enough from them tonight.
  223.  
  224. ANSWERING MACHINE
  225. ** beep **
  226.  
  227. ANSWERING MACHINE
  228. Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely daughter is doing.
  229.  
  230. GRACE
  231. (big sigh)
  232.  
  233. ANSWERING MACHINE
  234. I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should be there.
  235.  
  236. GRACE
  237. Oh God, John, I hope you didn't come here tonight to be entertained...
  238.  
  239. TRIP
  240. What?
  241.  
  242. GRACE
  243. Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.
  244.  
  245. ANSWERING MACHINE
  246. Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve gala.
  247.  
  248. TRIP
  249. Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...
  250.  
  251. GRACE
  252. Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --
  253.  
  254. ANSWERING MACHINE
  255. (clear throat) So, that's all. Uh, goodbye.
  256.  
  257. TRIP
  258. Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. We're, we're not.
  259.  
  260. TRIP
  261. (frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)
  262.  
  263. JOHN
  264. yes you are.
  265.  
  266. TRIP
  267. What...?
  268.  
  269. TRIP
  270. Oh, John, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.
  271.  
  272. GRACE
  273. Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like it!
  274.  
  275. TRIP
  276. Grace, I know you don't like it, but our friend might.
  277.  
  278. GRACE
  279. By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
  280.  
  281. TRIP
  282. Um... uhh, Now, -- (interrupted)
  283.  
  284. GRACE
  285. John, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really worth it to fly us all the way to Italy so you could take that inane picture?
  286.  
  287. GRACE
  288. (little sigh) I'll take the picture down later tonight before I go to bed.
  289.  
  290. TRIP
  291. Grace...!
  292.  
  293. TRIP
  294. (short petulant sigh)
  295.  
  296. TRIP
  297. John, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.
  298.  
  299. GRACE
  300. Oh, was that what it was? Huh, I'm always the last to know.
  301.  
  302. (JOHN picks up the white wine bottle.)
  303.  
  304. TRIP
  305. Grace, I wanted us to spend some time together...!
  306.  
  307. (JOHN sits on the couch.)
  308.  
  309. GRACE
  310. Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, thaw me out a little bit?
  311.  
  312. TRIP
  313. uhh...
  314.  
  315. (Trip shakes the advice ball.)
  316.  
  317. TRIP
  318. No doubt about it, huh.
  319.  
  320. (JOHN puts down the white wine bottle.)
  321.  
  322. TRIP
  323. Pssh.
  324.  
  325. GRACE
  326. Oh God, Trip, if I have to hear that thing one more time, I'm going to go insane, please!
  327.  
  328. (JOHN picks up the white wine bottle.)
  329.  
  330. (JOHN puts down the white wine bottle.)
  331.  
  332. (JOHN picks up the white wine bottle.)
  333.  
  334. (JOHN gets up from the couch.)
  335.  
  336. TRIP
  337. Sorry! I like it, okay?! It's just a toy. (frustrated sigh)
  338.  
  339. (JOHN puts down the white wine bottle.)
  340.  
  341. TRIP
  342. Oh my God, -- (interrupted)
  343.  
  344. JOHN
  345. You're just a toy.
  346.  
  347. GRACE
  348. Oh, that plastic ball is Trip's little security blanket he keeps by the bar.
  349.  
  350. TRIP
  351. N -- no it's just one of those little joke advice toys, you know.
  352.  
  353. GRACE
  354. He's always playing with it, drives me crazy.
  355.  
  356. TRIP
  357. It's a toy, I'm allowed to have a toy.
  358.  
  359. JOHN
  360. You ARE crazy.
  361.  
  362. GRACE
  363. My dad bought Trip a silver plated cocktail shaker for Christmas a few years back -- the rest is history.
  364.  
  365. TRIP
  366. Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,
  367.  
  368. TRIP
  369. I call it Grace's Inner Soul.
  370.  
  371. TRIP
  372. It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice. -- (interrupted)
  373.  
  374. JOHN
  375. BEER
  376.  
  377. TRIP
  378. You -- you don't want my invention?
  379.  
  380. GRACE
  381. It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.
  382.  
  383. JOHN
  384. NO
  385.  
  386. TRIP
  387. What?! So, uhh,
  388.  
  389. TRIP
  390. John, how -- how does that sound?
  391.  
  392. JOHN
  393. I WANT A BEER, FAGGOT
  394.  
  395. GRACE
  396. John, -- (interrupted)
  397.  
  398. TRIP
  399. uh...
  400.  
  401. GRACE
  402. uh...!
  403.  
  404. TRIP
  405. geez, I'm not, uh...
  406.  
  407. GRACE
  408. wha...!
  409.  
  410. TRIP
  411. well...
  412.  
  413. GRACE
  414. ha ha ha ha ha, heh...
  415.  
  416. TRIP
  417. heh, ha ha...
  418.  
  419. TRIP
  420. heh, ha ha ha!
  421.  
  422. GRACE
  423. ha ha ha ha ha!!
  424.  
  425. TRIP
  426. Ha ha ha, John,
  427.  
  428. JOHN
  429. I'm saying you're a homosexual.
  430.  
  431. TRIP
  432. heh heh, you had me going there for a sec...
  433.  
  434. GRACE
  435. heh heh heh...
  436.  
  437. TRIP
  438. heh, ha ha...
  439.  
  440. JOHN
  441. Now gimme a beer.
  442.  
  443. TRIP
  444. You're not afraid to say anything, are you?
  445.  
  446. TRIP
  447. put us on the spot...
  448.  
  449. TRIP
  450. heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?
  451.  
  452. TRIP
  453. heh, ha ha...
  454.  
  455. JOHN
  456. So uh... about that beer?
  457.  
  458. TRIP
  459. (big sigh)
  460.  
  461. TRIP
  462. Uhh, any -- anyway, uh... what were we talking about?
  463.  
  464. GRACE
  465. You know, ever since we got married, -- (interrupted)
  466.  
  467. JOHN
  468. MY BEER
  469.  
  470. TRIP
  471. Yeah, hang on, ooh, I'm going to make you one of my fabulous drinks in just a minute, heh!
  472.  
  473. GRACE
  474. Uhh, John, please don't encourage him.
  475.  
  476. JOHN
  477. I DON'T WANT FABULOUS
  478.  
  479. TRIP
  480. Yeah, yeah...
  481.  
  482. GRACE
  483. So I normally like redecorating...
  484.  
  485. GRACE
  486. John, now be honest with me, agree that this room just does not work!
  487.  
  488. TRIP
  489. Grace, come on, what are you talking about?
  490.  
  491. JOHN
  492. It's not the room, it's you.
  493.  
  494. GRACE
  495. Yeah I just had to have this style...
  496.  
  497. GRACE
  498. but... I'm wrong, it is just not coming together at all!
  499.  
  500. TRIP
  501. Oh come on! Jesus why can't you just be happy with -- (interrupted)
  502.  
  503. JOHN
  504. You're always wrong aren't you?
  505.  
  506. GRACE
  507. Really?
  508.  
  509. TRIP
  510. Well, well, I was right Grace, you're the only one unhappy with your decorating --
  511.  
  512. GRACE
  513. Trip, I don't care what you say, this room isn't working... Decorating is just not what I should --
  514.  
  515. JOHN
  516. It's not the decorating.
  517.  
  518. TRIP
  519. Grace, you're good at it, you're so good at it!
  520.  
  521. TRIP
  522. It's just like your job, you design great magazine ads! -- (interrupted)
  523.  
  524. JOHN
  525. No she isn't.
  526.  
  527. JOHN
  528. She's awful at everything.
  529.  
  530. TRIP
  531. I keep telling her that, -- (interrupted)
  532.  
  533. GRACE
  534. What?!
  535.  
  536. TRIP
  537. Grace, it's fine, you know how our friend can sometimes like to tease, that's all.
  538.  
  539. GRACE
  540. (clears throat) I'm so ready for a drink.
  541.  
  542. JOHN
  543. You are depressed.
  544.  
  545. TRIP
  546. Ahh, this is bullshit!
  547.  
  548. GRACE
  549. Ahh, no, you're full of shit!
  550.  
  551. GRACE
  552. Thaw me out...
  553.  
  554. GRACE
  555. Trip, you think you're so romantic... -- (interrupted)
  556.  
  557. JOHN
  558. You're bullshit, Trip.
  559.  
  560. GRACE
  561. What?!? That's really rude, where did that come from? You're acting crazy!
  562.  
  563. JOHN
  564. Trip is bullshit.
  565.  
  566. TRIP
  567. You know what, John, that's it, you need to leave.
  568.  
  569. JOHN
  570. It came from Trip.
  571.  
  572. (Trip opens the front door.)
  573.  
  574. JOHN
  575. YOU SAID IT ASSHOLE
  576.  
  577. TRIP
  578. We'll be fine -- just go.
  579.  
  580. (Trip closes the front door.)
  581.  
  582. JOHN
  583. FUCK YOU TOO
  584.  
  585. (JOHN knocks on the front door.)
  586.  
  587. (JOHN knocks on the front door.)
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