SGDQ 2019

SGDQ 2019 Pastebin.


So just as a huge heads up, this paste will be pretty long, and pretty deep, and might surprise a few of you. I pride myself in being really transparent with my community in a lot of things that I do. There’s a certain level of privacy that I try to keep with my life, but I also like to talk about a lot of things that I’m going through/dealing with. SGDQ caught me at pretty big cross roads in my life in a lot of areas. I came into SGDQ with a lot of questions about myself, and I left leaving incredibly at peace with a lot of big decisions I had to make that would 100% affect my future. But let’s get to it.

So SGDQ2019 was probably my favorite GDQ of all time. I’ve now been to over 10 of these bad boys, and each one is super unique and fun. I can’t think of a GDQ outside of SGDQ 2014 (I spent the entire week stressing about the Mega Man X2 race, where I flopped HARD, and just hated myself the entire time. Along with other silly moments, prob still this day my least favorite) where I just didn’t have fun. I love both GDQ’s, but SGDQ has always held a special place in my heart, as SGDQ2013 was my first GDQ, and the last few GDQ’s have been in MN, which is super close to my home and I have close family in Minneapolis. I still try to hit up AGDQ for a few days to keep in touch with people, and then go for the full ride for SGDQ.

This year, there was a moment where I thought about bailing early to get home for Mario Maker 2, since the game is going to be a huge focus for my stream for the summer, and a great opportunity for me to grow. I ended up deciding to stay for the entire week and I have 0 regrets about it. It sucks that I missed the launch, but I knew the game would be there for me when I got home. Opportunities to spend time with friends and memories that I could make with them don’t come along often and a lot of them I only see at GDQ’s. And I made a ton of really great memories at this GDQ. I think this GDQ was prob the GDQ with the most interactions with people from my own stream community. I got a chance to spend a ton of time in the first half of the week with a lot of people that watch my stream and support me. We went swimming, played mafia, got food, drank disgusting infinity mountain dew, (LMAO) had adventures in Target, killed it at Canterbury, (Frick off Mystic Lake) and just mega chilled and talked. To everyone from my community that I met, it was awesome, and thank you for taking time out of your day to hang out. From the sounds of it, a lot of my community is going to AGDQ, and I’m super pumped to do something with you all and meet new people!

Along with hanging out with my community, I really got a great chance to reconnect with some old and new friends. A few years ago, I challenged myself to get out of my comfort zone when it came to hanging out with people that weren’t in my main circle. It’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made, and each GDQ I meet new cool people that are legit and that I love spending time with. This year was no different, and had a blast meeting a ton of new people. I really appreciate the Ozy, Sitrep, and Bass crew, and I felt like I got a chance to bond with these guys a ton. I also just felt like I was able to find a good balance of doing things with all the groups I wanted to hang out with, which made the week stay super fresh!

So this is the part of the paste where it’s going to get pretty deep and REAL, so if you’re not into that stuff, just bail now. As I’ve said in the past, SGDQ has always been a week for me to take a nice long break from streaming. I love my job, it’s a huge blessing that so many people find my content enjoyable! But with any job, sometimes you can get a little burnt out. I’ll be 100% honest, April/May/June tend to be the worst months for me when it comes to wanting to stream. I put a ton of effort and energy to make MOMAMs to make them awesome, and by the time they are done I’m exhausted. I also kind of lose track of what I want to do with my stream. There’s a bit of a letdown when you go from a huge event, to have to find content consistently that feels just as good.

On top of this feeling of not wanting to really play games (this is why Mafia owns so much, it’s been a big part of my stream lately, just because it’s easy for me to chill and hang out, while still putting out good content), I was also dealing with a lot of IRL crap. The process of buying a house was super stressful. Along with the stress of taking care of everything, just the idea that I would be taking on a huge debt with the purchase, while working a job that constantly changes and could evaporate tomorrow if I don’t stay consistent was super super stressful. Not only was the house a huge stressor, but I was dealing with a lot of IRL decisions that I had to make. I cut ties with a group that I’ve known for over 20 years, and it was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. These are awesome people that I still consider my friends, but it was time for me to move in a different direction in my life. It ate away at me for a really long time, but the more time passed, the more I felt I made the right call.

This all leads to another decision that at the time I thought was a big deal, but soon learned that I was over thinking it. For those of you that don’t know, I had never had a sip of alcohol my entire life. I’m 28 years old, I’ve been around alcohol for the majority of my adult life. (College parties, bartending/serving, family get togethers, friends, GDQ’s) I’ve never really had a desire to drink, and my parents always encouraged me to stay away from it. A lot of that stems from the fact that many many many family members have been negatively affected by alcohol. (A ton of uncles/aunts/cousins are alcoholics, and I’ve seen a lot of the negative sides of it) I’ve stayed pretty consistent that I didn’t want to drink, and that it didn’t really appeal to me, and that I didn’t really want to have anything to do with it.

At AGDQ2019, it really started to sink in that I wanted to at least TRY it just to see what the fuss was all about, and maybe get a better understanding of it. It was something I was super transparent about with my parents, and although they weren’t huge fans, I made the decision to have my first drink with my brother at SGDQ, and then later on have a drink or two with friends. I was still on the fence about it until the night before we left for GDQ. Ivan, Killa, and I went to a local barcade and had a great time. I never really have had a great experience in a bar before, but that night Ivan and I got a really good chance to talk, and while I was sober, it was super refreshing and awesome to see my friend open up and share that experience with me.

So I ended up getting a drink with my brother, and had a very few small drinks with friends Saturday Night. I got a small buzz, stayed responsible and got to share in the moment with some really awesome friends. I’ve had a lot of time to think about the decision since getting home. And the conclusion I came to was that drinking just really isn’t a thing that I’m interested in. I think I'd be cool with having a drink at special events every now and then, but It really did nothing for me, and I have no desire to get drunk. I think I have a greater respect for alcohol, and now realize it’s just not a huge deal. I don’t see the appeal of getting trashed on it, but I do respect those that enjoy it. It was a big step for me to at least try it, and I have no regrets. I’m glad the elephant in the room is done and I can just have a drink every few months with friends and not really think anything of it. I just want to be super clear, I think people need to be super responsible, and the last thing I want people to do is read this and say “Wow Pie had a drink, so I might try it too.” Alcohol has messed up a ton of people. Be smart about it, come to your own conclusions, but in all honesty my opinion is it just really isn’t worth it and you’re not missing out on much.  (My Opinion, if you like it, more power to you!)


So all these things are going on the past few months, and SGDQ was like the promised land. I just wanted to get my house stuff done, and go to SGDQ. The moment I got into the hotel, and started hanging out with buds, I just started to feel like myself again. These past few months with the stress of the house and other IRL stuff, I had just worn myself out a ton and really started to lose a lot of confidence in both my stream, as well as myself as a person. Spending time with buds away from work made me refind my confidence. I don’t know when it clicked, but I started looking at pictures with friends from SGDQ and I just looked like a completely different person. There’s a picture that I took with my brother and his family and the escape room photo where I just was like “Who is that guy.” I just looked so confident in myself and who I was as a person and It was just amazing. I’ve dealt with a lot of self confidence issues over the years. I’ve also questioned if pursuing Twitch was the right call. It’s an incredible job, that has allowed me to live comfortably with so many benefits, but sometimes it has its drawbacks when it came to meeting people that don’t quite understand Twitch. Once GDQ was done, there was just a super big peace in my mind that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing. I don’t need to settle when it comes to friendships/relationships/family that don’t fully respect what I do. I don’t need to change to fit the mold of what others want. I can be me, and there are a huge group of people that respect and want that.

It was that moment where I realized “Hey, I’m a pretty cool guy who has a lot going for them.” I just felt super confident in myself, and although not everything went exactly how I wanted it to, and there are still people that I need to come to peace with, I still feel incredibly at peace with where I am at. I can’t control what others do, but I can focus on me and be happy. And there are a lot of people that I do make happy and that owns.

I just feel super motivated to continue to make the rest of 2019 an amazing year for me in both streaming and IRL. I’m still figuring a few things out in life, but for the most part I know who I am as a person and I’m looking to improve each day and learn from it. I’m super stoked for streams and I think you’ll see the difference on stream! If you’re reading this and you’re still figuring life out, don’t sweat it. EVERYONE is still figuring it out, and there’s no reason to stress about it. Just take your time and know that there are so many people that don’t have it all figured out just yet.

I will absolutely be at AGDQ2020 in some capacity. There are too many new people that are going that I want to see and hang out with, and these events own. If you’re on the fence, go to one. GDQ’s for me have been life changing. I can’t promise you they will be the same, but meeting new people and the friendships that come along with it own.

In conclusion. SGDQ2019 owns, I’ve made a lot of personal growth over the last month. I’m excited for AGDQ2020, and streams are going to be awesome in July.