SHELOB DINDU NUFFIN

"Original": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PSFN2r6bXY
This needs to be sung a capella, preferably with background humming. The stuff in brackets is a guide to how to pronounce certain words to get them to work, but call me a faggot if they don't pan out and I'll see if I can fix it.

J.R.R Tolkien - Song Of Durin's Awakening/Shelob dindu nuffin

The board was young, devoid of bait,
When word came from Tolkien's estate, (<---Tol-qi-n's)
'Twas Battle for Middle Earth Two,
With Glorfindel and Nazgûl true.
We waged the War up in the North;
And in two campaigns we went forth;
One target was Lothlórien,
A Gold-cast Realm unseen to Men,
Galadriel in starlight-decked,
But DEUS VULT gets me erect.

So now thus spent; the next goldmine,
A new Lord Of The Rings Online.
A romp through all Eregion,
Or thereabouts, as a peon.
With music grand to see your way:
Who cares about the books they say.

And through the years the titles grow
Of Conquest no-one wants to know
They should have stuck with Battlefront,
Although EA's made up of cunts.
And on the Wii Aragorn's Quest,
A stripped-out tale for kids at best,
Marketed as family friendly (<--- Market-ed)
Who cares about reality?

Then Lego to the IP broke,
Then games were made, and told were jokes;
There forged was brick and bound was plot;
Collectibles, and cast jackpot.
There Merry, Pip, and Bombadil
Can tromp through mines and over hill,
They aren't the best, but to forestall, (<---aren't has two syllables)
The games are >comfy all in all.

Fatigue-d then were many folk;
Same old battles, different strokes:
We've been up to the North before,
And though it's good I ache for more.

The board is aged, the retcons bold,
Shadow of Mordor's getting old;
Change wrought to poor Celebrimbor:
And Shelob's turned into a whore;
A pretty face did they give her
But she's a fucking spider.
And if she were maia in truth
I'd bash out every single tooth;
Their logic is flawed and fanfic weak,
I could write better in my sleep.

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>Following criticism of this decision, creative director Michael de Plater explained his interpretation that Gollum and Shelob were "the unsung heroes of The Lord of the Rings, with Shelob sensing Frodo's weakness and making a pact with Gollum to hasten him to Mount Doom and the confrontation that destroys the ring. De Plater envisioned Shelob as a dark counterpart to Galadriel, noting how both manipulate lesser beings, but that Shelob is more honest.

How much of a retard can one man be?