RUSTO/LATIAS LLUSION 12/28/2019

11:33 PM]Rusto:I really want to talk with you about something personal
[11:34 PM]Rusto:But at the same time I don't because I don't want to make you unhappy
[11:34 PM]Latias Llusion:You could start by telling me what is it about, and I'll tell you if it's fine or not.
[11:35 PM]Rusto:Thoughts and feelings
[11:35 PM]Rusto:The thought of being lonely and just
[11:35 PM]Latias Llusion:Oh.
[11:35 PM]Latias Llusion:What do you want to ask? Or talk about?
[11:36 PM]Rusto:Being able to cope with that and my own current confusion lost in thoughts
[11:36 PM]Latias Llusion:Well.
Ask me whatever you want, hun.
I'll try to help.
[11:37 PM]Rusto:I know it's impossible but talking with you recently has gotten me to start having feelings of sadness
[11:37 PM]Latias Llusion:It's perfectly possible.
[11:38 PM]Rusto:Mostly because it's impossible that I will have a lover I really click with
[11:38 PM]Rusto:I haven't really been bothered by the thought until recently
[11:39 PM]Rusto:Because I wo badly want to say I would like to have a girlfriend that is like you but this is reality
[11:39 PM]Rusto:There is not anyone like you
[11:40 PM]Rusto:And it hurts to know that I would make you upset by saying any of this
[11:40 PM]Latias Llusion:You don't make me upset.
[11:40 PM]Latias Llusion:Why do you think that?
[11:42 PM]Rusto:The reason I want a girlfriend like you is because we want alot of the same things and like alot of the same things
[11:42 PM]Rusto:But that's just what we have in common as friends
[11:42 PM]Rusto:But we are more than friends we are close friends probably even family
[11:43 PM]Rusto:In that Accord we are 2 people that need love the most but which only one of us have that to share with someone...
[11:47 PM]Latias Llusion:I see...
I'm sorry you feel like that, hun. I don't mean to make you feel less when I talk about my girlfriend.
[11:47 PM]Rusto:I'm not jealous or anything
[11:47 PM]Rusto:I just want to cry
[11:48 PM]Latias Llusion:It's normal to want to cry, sweetie...
[11:48 PM]Latias Llusion:Cry, if you need to.
[11:48 PM]Latias Llusion:It doesn't make you any less of anything.
You have to let it out.
Don't hold it in, or else it will hurt you more.
[11:50 PM]Rusto:If you say so
[11:50 PM]Rusto:I'm not going to cry
[11:50 PM]Rusto:But I probably won't need to either
[11:50 PM]Latias Llusion:Open yourself, if you want to.
Tell me whatever you want.
No judgements, no barriers, no nothing.
Feel free to be as honest as you need to.
[11:51 PM]Rusto:Anyways you mentioned you hug your pillow at night and that brought back a memory that hit me hard...
[11:51 PM]Latias Llusion:What did you remember?
[11:52 PM]Rusto:It's something I know my soulmate would do to me
[11:52 PM]Rusto:Cling to me
[11:53 PM]Rusto:And that in turn reminded me of getting judged by my family and others for being different and being yelled at for being unable to ever be normal
[11:54 PM]Latias Llusion:I guess that's something else we have in common.
[11:54 PM]Rusto:Yeah...
[11:54 PM]Rusto:You should not have to go through it latias
[11:54 PM]Rusto:Your a beautiful vibrant woman
[11:54 PM]Latias Llusion:I'll tell you something.
But don't tell anyone, promise?
[11:55 PM]Rusto:I'm just someone that's not fortunate enough to have a good PC
[11:55 PM]Rusto:I promise latias
[11:56 PM]Latias Llusion:My girlfriend...
Well, she's not really my girlfriend, per se. I just call her that, because we only dated for one week, before we broke up because she doesn't like long distance relationships.
We're still friends, and we're still planning to become a couple later on when she moves back to my city. But, well, for now I'm actually single.
[11:57 PM]Rusto:So what does that mean?
[11:57 PM]Rusto:Like why are you telling me this?
[11:58 PM]Latias Llusion:Because, it's the truth.
I'm not really in a romantic relationship.
And she's told me multiple times that our plans may, in fact, not work.
[11:59 PM]Rusto:If they don't work what will you do then?
[11:59 PM]Rusto:I couldn't bear to see you unhappy...
[12:01 AM]Latias Llusion:I really don't know.
But, well. You're not really the only one who feels that way.
I actually rarely talk to her, like once or twice every week.
[12:01 AM]Rusto:I see
[12:01 AM]Rusto:But now I feel even more confusingly
[12:01 AM]Rusto:But mostly about myself
[12:02 AM]Latias Llusion:I don't want to make this about myself.
But, I just wanted to share this so you don't feel bad. Because, in truth, neither of us currently has someone to love and receive love back from.
In a romantic way at least.
[12:02 AM]Rusto:Of my feelings doubts and worries
[12:02 AM]Rusto:I
[12:03 AM]Rusto:Lati
[12:03 AM]Rusto:I
[12:04 AM]Rusto:I'm sorry if I'm like going overboard with expressing so many thoughts and feelings
[12:04 AM]Latias Llusion:Don't be.
There are no barriers or limits right now.
Express yourself.
[12:05 AM]Rusto:Honestly if that is truely the case we are 2 souls that so badly want to give love and deserve to receive love the most
[12:05 AM]Rusto:We are both bisexual and want the exact same future and have the same sexual prefences
[12:06 AM]Rusto:I live in a place with a friendly community and workplace and housing that is swell and the workplace pays handsomely
[12:07 AM]Rusto:You could earn enough money not just to buy a switch but also a home if you save up
[12:09 AM]Rusto:I want to help you achieve your dreams of being a master artist and you take better care of me than I can take care of myself sometimes because you remind me of when I should do said variable for example
[12:10 AM]Rusto:And you help me learn more about what I want to achieve myself in life and vice versa your happiness is always what matters first to me which even now I'm scared if I made you unhappy by really saying any of this.
[12:11 AM]Rusto:Your feelings matter most
[12:11 AM]Latias Llusion:Don't be scared.
You know I would tell you if I was uncomfortable.
[12:11 AM]Latias Llusion:Just lay it on the table.
Say everything you have to say.
[12:12 AM]Latias Llusion:Right now it is YOU what matters most.
:13 AM]Rusto:Well I guess what I'm saying is that I love you latias and I just want you to be happy.
[12:13 AM]Rusto:I want to make you feel loved and be loved for once
[12:14 AM]Rusto:Not told you are loved or just simply kiss and have sex or anything of the sort
[12:14 AM]Rusto:But to have real love and passion and to be hugged every day
[12:15 AM]Rusto:To be complimented each day and to know in your heart that you can do anything
[12:15 AM]Rusto:To truely be loved by having someone who will always be there for you when you need them so you will never be alone or sad
[12:16 AM]Rusto:Nor even lonely
[12:17 AM]Rusto:Because everything that you do for me and for others is far beyond anything than anyone else could ever say or even dream of
[12:17 AM]Rusto:You mean more to.me than diamonds or gold ever could
[12:18 AM]Rusto:You mentioned that if things didn't work out with your gf it devestated me honestly when you said you might get with some guy
[12:19 AM]Rusto:But tbh I was worried if it was with some guy could you have been certain he would be as willing as I would to risk it all for you
[12:19 AM]Rusto:Because you deserve to be placed above all else and all odds in any situation of the fact that
[12:20 AM]Latias Llusion:I never said I'd try with some random guy, though...
I said I'd try it with a close friend I love and trust enough.
[12:20 AM]Rusto:Now I wouldn't again want to make you unhappy by saying that though but I would want you to have someone that will for certain give you that happiness I want you to have
[12:21 AM]Rusto:I know I'm not that friend...
[12:22 AM]Rusto:However your happiness is all that really matters to me
[12:23 AM]Rusto:So certainly you will marry your gf
[12:23 AM]Latias Llusion:I haven't even said any names, hun.
But then again, I don't want to make the same mistake again.
I don't want to give you false hopes, like I supposedly did before with someone else. I'm not saying that it's not you, but, well, I'm not really sure.
[12:23 AM]Latias Llusion:I guess I'm just confused about what I really want.
But I don't want my confusion to hurt you.
[12:24 AM]Rusto:That's just it
[12:24 AM]Rusto:Your feeling confused too
[12:25 AM]Rusto:I don't want my confusion to hurt you either
[12:25 AM]Rusto:Which is why I avoid talking about my confusions
[12:25 AM]Rusto:As to not overstep
[12:25 AM]Latias Llusion:Because I know what you feel.
I know I've set some boundaries, but the thing is we have such a nice friendship, you could tell me you want to fuck my brains out and I wouldn't mind.
But I still don't want our choices and uncertainties to hurt our rebuilt friendship.
[12:26 AM]Rusto:No not at all
[12:26 AM]Rusto:That will never happen latias
[12:26 AM]Rusto:My confusion is far beyond something like that
[12:26 AM]Rusto:Something I'm too afraid to say
[12:26 AM]Rusto:Because I don't want to hurt our friendship
[12:26 AM]Latias Llusion:I don't mean to make you feel like I don't consider you, or that you're not important to me because I'm not sure about what and who I want.
[12:26 AM]Rusto:Your too important to me
[12:27 AM]Rusto:I feel the same exact way
[12:27 AM]Latias Llusion:Well.
How about we promise each other that regardless of the outcome, it will not affect our friendship?
[12:27 AM]Rusto:It's why I'm so confused and hurting
[12:27 AM]Rusto:Ok
[12:27 AM]Rusto:I promise
[12:28 AM]Latias Llusion:I won't push you away, and you will not take it the wrong way, should the answer not be what you expect.
[12:28 AM]Rusto:Yeah
[12:28 AM]Latias Llusion:And we'll still be friends regardless
[12:28 AM]Latias Llusion:I promise to be honest.
[12:28 AM]Rusto:Well close friends at least
[12:29 AM]Rusto:My confusion is that I
12:30 AM]Latias Llusion:Don't force yourself if you feel like you can't ask or tell me right now.
[12:32 AM]Rusto:I feel like you are legitimately and honestly my soulmate. But I know it's wrong because of the boundaries you set but also I was really scared to tell you this until you said things would be fine I allready know what your going to say and I just want you to know I understand latias and I promise you that nothing will change between us.
[12:33 AM]Rusto:It feels wierd to think that but getting that confusion off my chest must help me put my confusion at ease
[12:33 AM]Rusto:So I feel no need to cry
[12:35 AM]Latias Llusion:Well.
I genuinely understand why you feel that way.
We're so similar to each other, in what we like, what we enjoy in may different senses...
[12:37 AM]Latias Llusion:But I also hope you do understand, that I don't really feel that same way. At least, not right now.
And it's hard to explain why, other than to say, that I really enjoy being a mom. But of course, that's not the only thing, I just can pinpoint anything else.
You are amazing, and I love you, but it doesn't feel like that to me...
[12:37 AM]Rusto:Yeah exactly
[12:38 AM]Rusto:And I understand that latias
[12:38 AM]Rusto:If we ever
[12:38 AM]Rusto:And I'm not saying we would
[12:38 AM]Rusto:But if we did
[12:38 AM]Rusto:Why would we have to consider it any different to the way we are now
[12:38 AM]Rusto:Just curious?
[12:39 AM]Rusto:Like if we did what would really change honestly when you think about it
[12:39 AM]Rusto:We wouldn't be obilgated or have to act any different
[12:39 AM]Latias Llusion:I dunno... It just feels like a relationship is... Much more serious than that.
I can't really explain how I feel it.
[12:39 AM]Rusto:Yeah but latias
[12:39 AM]Rusto:When you realize what a relationship is really all about
[12:40 AM]Rusto:You start to truely fall in love
[12:40 AM]Rusto:With the person and not the ideal
[12:40 AM]Latias Llusion:May I ask a more personal question, if you don't mind?
[12:40 AM]Rusto:Sure
[12:40 AM]Latias Llusion:Well, not that personal, but you get it.
[12:40 AM]Rusto:Yeah
[12:41 AM]Latias Llusion:You're bisexual...
Have you ever considered that, if not me, you could find your soulmate (or at least someone close to it) in a male?
[12:41 AM]Latias Llusion:Just curious, as well.
[12:41 AM]Rusto:Yeah but I tried and it went really badly twice :sob:
[12:42 AM]Rusto:I was hoping I could form something special
[12:43 AM]Latias Llusion:I know for a fact there are multiple males that are as nice as me.
[12:43 AM]Rusto:I don't really care about us being a thing or not latias because honestly I wasn't expecting anything to change or be hurt from talking about it with you
[12:43 AM]Rusto:But I'm glad we chatted about it
[12:44 AM]Latias Llusion:Sometimes, you just have to let out what you feel and think.
[12:44 AM]Rusto:I doubt what you say very much
[12:44 AM]Latias Llusion:It's for your own health.
[12:44 AM]Rusto:The guys that are as nice as you are judgemental as fuck
[12:44 AM]Rusto:I'm not going to spend my life with someone like that
[12:44 AM]Latias Llusion:Define judgemental?
[12:45 AM]Rusto:I don't like reliving my past in an instant
[12:46 AM]Rusto:Nor do I enjoy looking back on it..
[12:46 AM]Latias Llusion:I see.
Sorry.
[12:46 AM]Rusto:Don't be
[12:47 AM]Rusto:Latias please do not try to convince me to look for a relationship in a man just to get me to "go for someone else please I'm not wanting anything to do with you oh God this is so awkward you think that way" because 1 your making me feel judged like in my past
[12:47 AM]Latias Llusion:Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant at all.
[12:48 AM]Rusto:And 2 uncomfortable because you promised me nothing would change between us
[12:48 AM]Latias Llusion:Sorry, I didn't mean for it to feel that way.
[12:48 AM]Rusto:But now it feels like there is
[12:48 AM]Rusto:And it makes me want to cry
[12:48 AM]Latias Llusion:Sorry, it wasn't my intention.
[12:48 AM]Latias Llusion:It was genuine curiosity.
[12:48 AM]Rusto:Because I really wanted our friendship to last forever...
12:49 AM]Latias Llusion:I'm not trying to change anything, sorry.
I didn't mean it.
[12:51 AM]Latias Llusion:I promise, I didn't mean it...
[12:53 AM]Rusto:Ok
[12:54 AM]Rusto:I love you latias plutonically of course
[12:54 AM]Rusto:Latias I want to promise you something else ok
[12:54 AM]Latias Llusion:Sure, what is it?
[12:57 AM]Rusto:If you ever happen to have deeper feelings or pick me I want you to know that the friendship we have now will never disappear but only improve :relieved:
[12:57 AM]Rusto:I promise you that
[12:57 AM]Rusto:I don't want you to ever get scared in the future if that does come to pass
[12:58 AM]Rusto:That's why I promise you that
[12:58 AM]Latias Llusion:I appreciate it, hun.