A Shelusive Target (a SheZow fic)

	It was already late in the afternoon. Kelly groaned as she watched the antics of her brother and his best friend. None of them had school that day; while Kelly was busying herself assisting Sheila with trying to figure out what Megamonkey's hidden agenda was, Maz and SheZow were busying themselves with a side project. "You guys, that's REALLY disrespectful to SheZow's legacy. STOP IT."
	"No way," SheZow replied, laying down on his side on the hood of the Shehicle while Maz took pictures. "What's wrong with making a little money on the side?"
	"You'd be surprised how many people at school are interested in this sort of thing," Maz added.
	"I don't think they're even aware that it's THAT sort of thing," Kelly sighed. "You're just relying on SheZow's popularity."
	"Sounds like someone's JEALOUS, as usual." SheZow narrowed his eyes and grinned at Kelly as he rolled onto his stomach.
	"Oh, that's a good expression! Hold it!" Maz took some more pictures.
	"You seem to be enjoying this a little too much, Maz..." Kelly commented, elbowing him and chuckling.
	"Why not? Think of all the Fizz Burp we can buy with the profit!" Maz exclaimed.
	"And another banana creme pie, or ten," SheZow suggested.
	Kelly continued to look at Maz. "That's not the face of a profiteer, that's the face of--"
	"Shemergency. Shemergency." Sheila's sudden warning derailed the conversation. Kelly ran over to her usual spot.
	"What's going on, Sheila?" Kelly asked, her expression turning serious as she sat down. SheZow and Maz put their photo shoot on hold and gathered around her.
	"You'll never guess who's causing a scene in Megadale again," Sheila pointed out.
	SheZow groaned. "SheBang?"
	"No, close. SheZap," Sheila showed some footage of SheZap laughing maniacally and throwing vehicles into other vehicles. A few police officers attempted to gun him down, but were foiled when SheZap blocked the bullets with his cape and swatted the cops with a She-Slap. The lot of them were sent flying across the street.
	"Is it just me, or is SheZap losing more screws every day?" Maz asked.
	"She's still your type, though, I bet." SheZow turned away from Maz. "Even though she's EVIL."
	"Oh, c'mon, you know I'm a sucker for goth girls!" Maz pointed out.
	"Get going, already!" Kelly told.
	"You're not the boss of me!" SheZow protested.
	"SheZow, stop being difficult and go do it," Sheila insisted.
	"....Yes, ma'am," SheZow sighed. He turned to Maz. "You, too! Get your gear!" Maz nodded and ran off, rummaging through the stuff he brought over. It didn't take him long to prepare. He wore a red t-shirt, grey pants, black runners, his black eye mask that he frequently used, as well as a baseball cap with a headset over top. He wore dog tags around his neck and fingerless gloves on his hands. On his back was a dark grey backpack, and he held a metal bat in his right hand. SheZow tilted his head. "Really now? Scout Man?"
	"I'm not Scout Man, I'm Bat Man!" Maz corrected, swinging his bat randomly.
	"Oh, because that's so much less lawsuit-worthy," SheZow muttered. He hopped into the Shehicle and was joined by Maz. He started it up and stepped on the accelerator, driving out of the She-Lair.
	"Oh, what's this?" Sheila asked, showing Kelly a particular piece of recent footage.
	"....Uh-oh," Kelly commented.
	"I'm sure it'll work out fine," Sheila assured.

	At the scene of the destruction, SheZap stared down his opponent. It wasn't SheZow, however. It was Tara. "...And who are you, exactly?" SheZap asked with a laugh.
	Tara's eye twitched as she growled. "How dare you?!" She produced a blaster on her right arm. "I'm finishing you TODAY, SheZow, and getting back my rightful place at the top of this city!" Tara fired, but SheZap dodged by using his super speed.
	"SheZow, huh..." SheZap muttered to himself, smiling.
	"All this destruction you caused, is no doubt a villain's work! Everyone will love me again once I wipe the floor with you!" Tara produced her second blaster as SheZap readied his Laser Hair Curler. SheZap used a mix of blocks and dodges to avoid Tara's blaster fire. SheZap laughed as he turned around and ran. "HEY! Don't you ignore me!" Tara followed, but had a hard time keeping up. SheZap ran behind a gas station. By the time Tara got back there as well, SheZap was gone. Tara did a full circle of the area, looking back and forth. "SheZow...!!"
	Coming to a sudden halt by the gas station, SheZow and Maz jumped out of the Shehicle. SheZow looked at Tara, then at Maz. "Hey...it was SheZap that was on the footage, right? What's Tara doing here?" SheZow asked.
	"I dunno." Maz shrugged.
	Tara noticed SheZow. "THERE you are! Thought you could get away, did you?" Tara retracted her blasters and produced her Laser Mascara. SheZow produced his Laser Lipstick, and blocked Tara's slash. Tara pushed her blade against SheZow's. "Turning to evil was the biggest mistake you ever made, witch!"
	"...Huh?" SheZow was dumbfounded. Losing his focus, Tara knocked him down. As Tara was about to drive her Laser Mascara through SheZow's torso, Maz rushed Tara from the side and swung his bat into her ribs, causing her to recoil. SheZow used the chance to jump back to his feet.
	"SheZow's not evil, YOU are!" Maz protested.
	"HA! You can't fool me. She was destroying things and knocking out the police!" Tara argued.
	"...Oh, HER." SheZow sighed. "That wasn't me, that was my evil clone."
	"...Evil clone?" Tara raised an eyebrow. She then burst out laughing. "You must be going senile! That's the biggest cliche in the book! You don't seriously expect--"
	"YOU'RE the one who's senile, GRANDMA!" SheZow mocked. Tara fired a snot ball at SheZow, sticking him to the ground. SheZow struggled to free himself.
	"Don't worry, SheZow, I've got your back!" Maz assured. He produced a baseball from his backpack, tossed it up into the air, and swung with his bat. However, his swing missed and the ball hit the ground. SheZow and Tara both had disapproving looks on their faces.
	"Really? THAT'S your new sidekick, SheZow?" Tara asked.
	SheZow looked away. "...He's just some tourist from Boston, I don't know him."
	"Hey! C'mon, I'll get it this time!" Maz picked up the ball and tossed it up into the air again. Again, his swing missed. SheZow and Tara tried to hold their laughter. Maz's face turned red as his frustration began to show.
	"Your comBAT skills need work!" SheZow laughed. Tara laughed along with him.
	"Shut up!" Maz growled. "I'm gonna do it this time!" He picked up the ball a second time and tossed in into the air before swinging his bat angrily. His swing connected. Maz's eyes twinkled with excitement as he watched the ball fly. However, it went completely over Tara, flying down the street at an angle until it crashed through an apartment's window.
	"YOU DAMN KIDS!" the tenant yelled from inside the apartment.
	Tara was on the ground, rolling from side to side and laughing. SheZow, still covered in snot, was laughing it up as well. Tara stopped and caught her breath before getting up. "Now, where...ha ha...where were we...?" She put away her Laser Mascara and produced her blaster again, pointing it at SheZow.
	"Hey, Bat Man, you have more than that in your repertoire, right?" SheZow asked, struggling once again.
	"I'll have you know, that while I may not be a good batter..." Maz dug out another baseball from his backpack. "I'm a GREAT pitcher!" Maz threw the ball at Tara; it was too fast for her to react, and it hit her right in the forehead. She cried out in pain, clutching her forehead.
	"So you're a pitcher, huh...?" SheZow smiled as Maz gave a wink. Fortunately, none of the snot had gotten in SheZow's hair, as he was finally able to break free of it. He turned his attention to Tara. "Look, you don't have to believe me about the evil clone, but..." Tara groaned, rubbing her head in pain. She still looked a little dazed. "I think a Heavy-Handed Super She-Slap will clear up any problems!" Tara's eyes widened as SheZow's right hand grew to a ridiculous size before he hit her with it, sending her flying through the air toward the ocean. Tara landed in the water quite a distance away.
	Maz whistled. "If you ever get a greatest hits album, that has to be on it."
	"...Do you think people would buy a SheZow CD?" SheZow asked, tilting his head and giving Maz a perplexed look.
	"Your voice still needs a lot of work if you want THAT to happen," Maz laughed. SheZow pushed him onto the ground.
	"C'mon, dingBAT. Let's go home," SheZow headed over to the Shehicle and hopped in. After getting up and dusting himself off, Maz followed.
	"You know..." Maz wondered out loud.
	"Hmm?"
	"I think that we're forgetting something."
	"I'm sure it's not important."
	"Yeah, you're right," Maz agreed. SheZow stepped on the accelerator and headed back to the She-Lair.

	The sun had gone down; Megadale's beach was relatively empty as a result. The tides were weak that day. However, there was one boy who intended on having a little fun. Morgan set a bucket down in the sand and took two bottles out of his backpack. He was distracted for a moment when Tara finally got ashore, coughing and panting. She stared at the sand as Morgan turned back to his supplies. He poured one bottle, containing bleach, into the bucket first, before opening up the second bottle. "Hee hee hee...now here's something dangerous," Morgan giggled as he poured the second bottle, containing ammonia, into the bucket. It produced a vapor that caused Morgan to start coughing, right before he was transformed into SheBang. "YES! It worked!" SheBang jumped for joy as Tara looked up at him. She had not seen him as Morgan. Tara groaned as she pulled herself up to her feet and walked toward SheBang. SheBang turned to her, raising an eyebrow. He remembered seeing Tara at the Glamageddon fight.
	"You..." Tara rubbed her eyes. "You look familiar..." SheBang tilted his head and eyed Tara curiously. Tara crossed her arms and shut her eyes. "Hmmm...."
	"Did you swallow too much salt water...?" SheBang asked.
	"....I remember you! You're dead!" Tara exclaimed, pointing at SheBang.
	"Not if I KILL YOU FIRST!" SheBang yelled, producing his Laser Hair Dryer and firing at Tara. Tara ducked to avoid the shot and produced her Laser Mascara. She blocked more of SheBang's shots before readying her blaster on her left arm. Tara returned fire. SheBang conjured his Heart Shield using his left hand to block the shots. Tara pondered some more while continuing to exchange energy shots with SheBang. SheBang teleported a fair distance away, appearing behind Tara. Tara spun around.
	"I could've sworn..." Tara muttered. "But maybe not. She didn't have a hair-trigger temper like this girl does. I must be getting old...NO! I'm NOT old!"
	"What're you babbling about over there?!" SheBang shouted. She charged up her Laser Hair Dryer and fired a large blast, forcing Tara to dive out of the way. Realizing that the sand was going to limit her mobility while SheBang's was almost completely unaffected, Tara fired at SheBang again while backing away from her, getting off of the beach and onto the sidewalk. SheBang teleported again, appearing in the air above Tara. He threw a Shuribbon at her; Tara leaned to the side, thinking that was enough to avoid it completely, but the Shuribbon nicked her cheek as it flew past and embedded itself in a lamp post. A small amount of blood started seeping from the wound. SheBang teleported again and appeared on the sidewalk across the street. The two stared each other down.
	"How...how DARE you ruin my beautiful face!" Tara growled.
	"Beautiful? How many decades ago was that?" SheBang asked, giggling. Tara launched a snot ball at SheBang, only for SheBang to teleport again. The snot ball hit the building that was directly behind him. When SheBang reappeared, he stared at it and cringed. "...That's a GROSS power! That's totally gross! How can a girl do something like that?!" SheBang shook his head back and forth, only for Tara to take the chance to close the distance between them, grab SheBang by the arm, and spin him around, throwing him into a parked motorcycle. Both SheBang and the motorcycle hit the ground hard. Tara aimed at SheBang, only to be distracted by nearby laughing.
	"...Who's there?" Tara asked, turning around and aiming her blaster. She kept her Laser Mascara ready as well.
	Phasing up through the ground, SheZap appeared in front of Tara. "HAHAHAHA! That was great! I saw you get thrashed by SheZow! And you really thought I was her!" SheZap slapped his knee as Tara's eyes widened.
	Tara pointed her blaster at him. "Wait, SheZow doesn't have that power! You're--"
	"Finally figured it out, did you? I'm SheZap!" SheZap told. "And you've been an awfully enjoyable plaything! Now, why don't we--" SheZap paused as he saw SheBang pull himself to his feet. His playful expression turned angry. "....YOU!!" SheBang, noticing SheZap, stepped back. SheZap shoved Tara aside. "Out of my way, I'll play with YOU after I kill this dirty little traitor!"
	"I'm no one's seconds!" Tara shouted, punching SheZap in the back of the head and knocking him down. SheBang teleported, appearing on the other side of Tara a fair distance back. Tara put some distance between both of her opponents as SheZap got back up. The three of them formed a triangle, each eying the other two constantly.

	In the She-Lair, SheZow and the others were watching the footage, courtesy of Sheila. "C'mon, SheZow! Get your butt over there and stop it!" Kelly insisted.
	"Absolutely out of the question," Sheila told. "Do you really think SheZow could take on all three of them at once as he is now?"
	"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" SheZow asked.
	"I'm saying that you've still got a ways to go in this hero business. Look at it rationally. SheZap alone is more than a match for you at this point. Throw both Tara and SheBang into the mix, and it just gets worse. All three of them have a grudge against you," Sheila explained.
	"But why are they fighting each other?" Maz asked. "...As much as I enjoy a good catfight." Kelly slapped Maz in response. "OW!"
	"Use your head, Maz," Kelly told. "We already know that SheBang ruined SheZap's plans once before."
	"Twice," Sheila corrected.
	"Huh? When was the second time?" Kelly asked.
	"....Oh, my mistake. You were right. Continue," Sheila replied.
	"Right. So SheZap and SheBang don't see eye to eye. As for Tara, you two didn't see this, but Sheila and I saw her fighting with SheZap," Kelly informed.
	"Really?" SheZow asked. "...THAT'S why Tara thought I was doing evil! We must've gotten there with really awkward timing..." SheZow slapped his own forehead and groaned.
	"It is what it is. What I don't get is what problem SheBang and Tara have with each other," Kelly leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. "Darn it, this is getting complicated."
	"It doesn't HAVE to be complicated!" SheZow exclaimed. "Let's kick back and enjoy the show. I'll charge it at the last minute and take care of the victor!" SheZow noticed that there were no free chairs, as Kelly was sitting in one, and Maz was sitting in the other. SheZow cleared his throat.
	"You snooze, you lose, buddy!" Maz laughed.
	"Fine then, how about THIS?" SheZow spun Maz's chair to a forty-five degree angle and sat down on his lap, looking at the screen and paying no attention to Maz's reaction. "Sharing is caring!"
	"HEY!" Maz protested. "....Huh? This is strangely comfortable."
	Kelly's eye twitched. "You two are making it REALLY difficult for me to think right now."
	"Sounds like SOMEONE'S jealous!" SheZow mocked.
	"Why do you always think that...?" Kelly asked, narrowing her eyes.
	"Because it's funny?" Maz suggested.
	"Because it's true?" SheZow added.
	"...SheZow, your hair is in the way! I can't see the screen!" Maz protested, pushing SheZow slightly.
	"Sucks to be you, th--HEY! H-hey! Stop that!" SheZow burst out giggling as Maz started tickling his armpits. SheZow fell off of Maz's lap and onto the floor. Maz got out of his chair while continuing to tickle him. Kelly smirked as she put her feet up on the unoccupied chair. Maz paused, looking at Kelly. SheZow looked as well.
	"Now who's jealous?" Kelly laughed. She stretched and yawned before turning her attention back to the on-screen battle.
	"Don't fall asleep, now," Sheila told before grinning.
	"....You win THIS round, sis." SheZow sat down on the floor beside Maz.

	Tara made the next move. Putting away her Laser Mascara, she readied both of her blasters, firing at both of her opponents at once. SheBang used his Heart Shield to block the shots, while SheZap used the Laser Hair Curler to do the same. "You two will be good practice for taking down SheZow!" Tara exclaimed. SheBang teleported. He appeared beside Tara and slapped a Compact Sticky Bomb on her back. Tara didn't know about those weapons of SheBang's and assumed it to simply be a weak hit on SheBang's part. Tara pointed her left blaster at SheBang and fired, hitting him several times. SheZap picked up the motorcycle that SheBang had knocked down earlier and threw it at Tara; Tara shot it in mid-air, blowing some of the parts off, but the motorcycle's main body still connected with her torso and sent her tumbling along the street. Traffic was non-existent; the police had closed the road off but were otherwise keeping their distance, looking to minimize any loss of human life.
	SheZap glared at SheBang. "Now, where were WE?!" He produced his Laser Hair Curler in his left hand and lunged, only to be blocked by the Heart Shield. SheBang had a terrified look on his face; he was torn between the idea of running away, or staying to try to finish off one or both of his opponents. SheBang fired off his Heat Vision Wink, but was foiled by SheZap phasing into the ground. Tara launched a snot ball, hitting SheBang and pinning him to a wall.
	"EEEWWW!" SheBang cried. "Gross gross gross--!!" He struggled to free himself.
	SheZap phased up out of the ground behind Tara. "Oh, you trapped her for me! Let me thank you!" Tara spun around as SheZap's right hand grew tremendously larger. Instead of using it to slap, though, he raised it up high, and brought it straight down onto Tara, smashing her onto the ground. Tara cringed from the pain and looked up at SheZap, who produced two handfuls of goo. "I have a power like yours, too!" Splattering the goo on and around Tara's torso, SheZap pinned her to the ground. "But, I DID say I was going to kill you last, so..." He raised his Laser Hair Curler and turned his attention to SheBang, who was using the Heat Vision Wink to burn away the snot. "Oh no, you don't!" It was too late, though; SheBang had freed himself before SheZap could attack. SheBang rolled to the side to dodge SheZap's slash, then teleported up into the air and then away from the scene of the battle, all the while SheZap watching the direction SheBang was looking when he did so. "Oh, you think you've gotten away...? I know how to FIND YOU NOW!"
	Tara, her arms not trapped in the slightest, fired at SheZap with both blasters. "I'm not done with you yet!" She had difficulty aiming from the position the was stuck in, so she focused on making the shots as random as possible to confuse SheZap. SheZap awkwardly blocked the shots, having trouble making a move.
	"I'll be back for YOU," SheZap growled, slowly inching toward a garbage can while blocking the blaster fire. He picked the garbage can up and threw it at Tara. Tara stopped firing and blocked the garbage can with her hands, but by the time it hit the ground and she knocked it aside, SheZap was gone as well.
	"Ugh....why did this fight have to be so...?" Tara looked at the goo on her and the spilled garbage beside her. "...Unglamorous." Using one of her blasters to remove most of the goo, Tara sat up. She looked around at the police blockade on both sides of the street. She stood up and started walking toward one side. The officers pointed their guns at her, but she ignored them.
	"FREEZE!"
	Tara turned to face the officer that had spoken. "I'm NOT in the mood right now." She had a deathly glare in her eyes.
	"...Just let her go. Tara wasn't attacking the city. She's just got a problem with SheZow."
	"Oh, so she just wanted a grudge match?"
	"Imbeciles," Tara muttered, turning away and walking off, her eye twitching in disgust over the day's events. Suddenly, Tara heard a beep, and the Compact Sticky Bomb on her back burst. The blast of energy sent her flying into a lamp post. Slamming her fist onto the ground as she pulled herself up, Tara muttered a lot of foul language. "Oh, to hell with this. I'm going home, having a bath..."

	In another part of town, SheBang appeared in an alleyway. "No way she'll find me now. Just gotta wait until...." SheBang waited for a few minutes. He wasn't turning back into Morgan. "...Uh...."

	SheZow and the others had just witnessed the end of the three-way battle. "Well, that was fun!" SheZow exclaimed. "I'm sort of glad Tara chased off the other two. Tara's less...destructive."
	"She's around their level in terms of mental issues, though," Maz added.
	"Uh, hello? Villain? Of course she has mental issues," Kelly pointed out.
	"She-yeah!" SheZow transformed back into Guy. Guy stood up. "I think I'm gonna crash for the night."
	"You've been going to bed so early lately, Guy," Kelly commented.
	Guy yawned. "Maybe it's all the SheZowing tiring me out."
	Maz had changed back into his regular clothes. "Guess I'll head home, then! See you all tomorrow."
	"You ought to start paying rent. You practically LIVE here," Kelly suggested.
	"No way! Squatters don't PAY RENT!" Maz replied.
	"Hmmm..." Kelly yawned as well. "Guy, you're contagious. I think I need to go to sleep too..."
	"You humans go and enjoy your sleep," Sheila told. "I'll keep an eye on things."

	SheBang still wasn't transforming, although minutes had passed since he made his escape. "...Oh no. Don't tell me...is SheZap still after me? I didn't see Tara use any super speed or anything like that, so she shouldn't be ANYWHERE nearby, but SheZap...!!" SheBang whimpered and curled up in a corner of the alley. "Why do I have to do this...?" SheBang then paused for a second and pondered. "OH! I know!" Standing up, SheBang teleported straight up and off into the distance again, heading for a particular destination.