1/1 (2018)

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INDOXXI
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Subtitles by explosiveskull

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When I remember it...

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00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:00,519
I remember thinking...

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00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:05,890
...the entire population
of Greensburg, Pennsylvania,

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is 14,892.

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00:03:11,098 --> 00:03:14,132
If you divide that by
the number of days in the year,

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there should be 41 people with
the same birthday every day.

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00:03:20,773 --> 00:03:26,478
In my lifetime, the population
has decreased by 12.6%.

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00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:31,550
Soon, another 12.6%
will be gone.

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00:03:31,552 --> 00:03:33,919
And another.

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And another.

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Then another.

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Until all that's
left here is me.

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Me without you.

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00:04:06,018 --> 00:04:08,688
Me and the one thing
I was waiting to find out about.

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They were also waiting.

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00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:22,869
In the middle of nowhere.

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In this doctor's office.

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At 7:30 in the morning.

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00:04:35,782 --> 00:04:38,983
Twenty days ago,
I turned 20.

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00:04:45,525 --> 00:04:47,158
Now we were all waiting to see

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how many more birthdays
we'd have.

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If there'd be one or 100.

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00:04:55,602 --> 00:04:58,168
If there'd be anyone new
to share them with.

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00:05:05,746 --> 00:05:08,716
I've spent every birthday
in Greensburg.

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00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:12,817
Every day.

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00:05:12,819 --> 00:05:14,554
Every minute.

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00:05:15,855 --> 00:05:17,055
Every second.

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00:05:48,088 --> 00:05:53,023
When I remember it,
I remember believing

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00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,997
everything begins
with one exact moment.

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00:07:40,766 --> 00:07:42,403
Daniel.

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00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:45,805
Daniel.

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00:07:47,973 --> 00:07:49,743
Daniel.

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00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:18,806
Did you hear
what I just said?

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00:08:22,843 --> 00:08:24,341
You don't care.

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00:08:24,343 --> 00:08:27,045
You don't know anything.
Everything's fucked up.

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00:08:27,047 --> 00:08:29,180
What's the point
of even talking to you?

38
00:08:29,182 --> 00:08:31,882
How can you say that?

39
00:08:31,884 --> 00:08:35,419
After, after last year, after how
my mom's been acting, after my dad?

40
00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:37,187
- I don't...
- Don't. Just don't.

41
00:08:37,189 --> 00:08:39,392
Don't say I don't want
to end up like him?

42
00:08:41,328 --> 00:08:44,262
Neither do you.

43
00:08:44,264 --> 00:08:48,332
Here's the truest thing
I've ever said: fuck you.

44
00:08:48,334 --> 00:08:50,100
Whatever.

45
00:08:50,102 --> 00:08:52,202
And what about your mom,
have you talked to her?

46
00:08:52,204 --> 00:08:53,807
Not since graduation.

47
00:08:56,275 --> 00:08:59,076
Look, I didn't mean you don't
care, I didn't mean it that way.

48
00:08:59,078 --> 00:09:02,312
- It's pretty clear how you meant it.
- Was it?

49
00:09:02,314 --> 00:09:04,081
I'm hungry.

50
00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:05,850
What? What are you
talking about?

51
00:09:05,852 --> 00:09:08,186
That's an example
of being clear, "I'm hungry,"

52
00:09:08,188 --> 00:09:10,388
which is what I am, hungry.

53
00:09:10,390 --> 00:09:12,289
Come on, that doesn't
make any sense.

54
00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:14,793
And bored.
Hungry and bored.

55
00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:17,098
What do you wanna do, then?

56
00:09:19,532 --> 00:09:21,231
I don't know.

57
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Go to the porn store.
I'm legal now.

58
00:09:24,538 --> 00:09:27,071
That one where the girls
wear nothing but a smile?

59
00:09:27,073 --> 00:09:29,143
No, that's a strip club.

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00:09:30,174 --> 00:09:32,847
I was talking more about the ones
that flank the Barnes & Noble.

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00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:38,148
All that I was trying
to say is that...

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it's got nothing to do
with your family.

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I just meant that
you'll be out of here soon.

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00:09:43,122 --> 00:09:44,855
You're going to college.

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00:09:44,857 --> 00:09:47,124
- It's only a state school.
- So what?

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00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:49,360
Not far away.

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00:09:49,362 --> 00:09:52,197
Still better than
being stuck here.

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00:09:52,199 --> 00:09:55,299
Did you know Mount Pleasant
used to be called Hell Town?

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00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:57,402
That's not true.

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00:09:57,404 --> 00:10:00,138
- It is.
- Why?

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00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,841
Something to do with,
this was in the '20s or something.

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00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:04,509
Coal miners lived
in Mount Pleasant,

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whereas the rich bosses
lived in Scottdale, on the hill.

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00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:11,148
They should just go back

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and rename the whole
goddamn area Hell Town.

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00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:36,073
Sorry about earlier.
I was being a sharktopus.

77
00:10:36,075 --> 00:10:39,076
- I was gonna say a sea hag.
- I don't get it.

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00:10:39,078 --> 00:10:40,445
A sharktopus
would make a good pet.

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Sea hag is Jennifer Aniston.

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00:10:42,348 --> 00:10:44,115
I like Jennifer Aniston.
We go way back.

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We're tight like spandex.

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- Also, bumps, not lines.
- What?

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00:10:48,554 --> 00:10:50,254
I definitely wasn't
a sea monster.

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00:10:50,256 --> 00:10:52,423
- It's not coke.
- A sea hag, and yes you were.

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00:10:52,425 --> 00:10:54,158
It's cheap trucker's meth.

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00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,061
It's just that, for real,
I can't stand this place.

87
00:10:57,063 --> 00:10:59,630
At least now I don't have to worry about
finding a job with dental insurance.

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00:10:59,632 --> 00:11:01,666
I can't end up like
these disgusting people.

89
00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:04,235
I don't wanna drive my
12-year-old car to a stupid job.

90
00:11:04,237 --> 00:11:07,337
- I don't want to think about cheating on my fat wife.
- See those lights?

91
00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:10,942
I don't wanna work at my shit job for shit
pay so I can afford another used shit car.

92
00:11:10,944 --> 00:11:13,211
Lissa, do you see them?

93
00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:17,347
- Shit!
- What should we do?

94
00:11:17,349 --> 00:11:19,116
Daniel, take care
of the phone.

95
00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:23,153
I can't believe
this is happening.

96
00:11:23,155 --> 00:11:25,188
Everyone, dust off your hands.

97
00:11:25,190 --> 00:11:26,626
I'm going to M-I-fucking-T.

98
00:11:29,328 --> 00:11:30,897
I have an idea.

99
00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,138
Can I help you, officer?

100
00:11:40,140 --> 00:11:41,909
What have you got
going on here?

101
00:11:56,189 --> 00:11:58,958
Not sure yet... sir.

102
00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,328
Take it elsewhere.

103
00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:25,251
- Fuck it all, fuck.
- Fuck you, copper.

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00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:30,189
Lissa Maruska?

105
00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:50,041
How are you today?
Ready to order?

106
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:52,043
I've been waitressing
for about two years.

107
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:54,278
A little under two years.

108
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,181
- I'm a human resources manager.
- I'm a chef and owner.

109
00:12:57,183 --> 00:13:00,518
I teach family consumer science, which
used to be known as home economics.

110
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,452
I am a custodian.

111
00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:05,690
I work for the county,
which is a good job,

112
00:13:05,692 --> 00:13:07,191
although it's a crappy shift.

113
00:13:07,193 --> 00:13:09,126
I am actually
a stay-at-home mom.

114
00:13:09,128 --> 00:13:12,663
Some days you feel like you
don't talk to any other adults.

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00:13:12,665 --> 00:13:15,499
I spent 25 years
as a Pennsylvania state trooper.

116
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,769
I'm a union rep
for public employees in schools,

117
00:13:17,771 --> 00:13:20,471
meaning teachers
and their support staffs,

118
00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:23,541
such as bus drivers,
cafeteria workers, custodians.

119
00:13:23,543 --> 00:13:25,279
Worst part is the repetition.

120
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:30,184
Maybe it's having to balance
multiple things like a circus clown.

121
00:13:35,054 --> 00:13:36,256
No.

122
00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:39,460
It's the repetition.

123
00:13:41,294 --> 00:13:43,360
So, how are you doing?

124
00:13:43,362 --> 00:13:45,096
Wanna hear the specials?

125
00:13:45,098 --> 00:13:47,164
What can I get for you?

126
00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:48,535
Want something to drink?

127
00:13:49,803 --> 00:13:51,735
How would you
like that prepared?

128
00:13:51,737 --> 00:13:53,674
Can I get you something else?

129
00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:57,575
And on...

130
00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,443
and on...

131
00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:00,812
and on.

132
00:14:19,131 --> 00:14:20,333
Ready?

133
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:52,165
When I remember it,
I remember hearing...

134
00:14:59,372 --> 00:15:01,672
14% of the population

135
00:15:01,674 --> 00:15:04,111
lives below the poverty line
in Greensburg.

136
00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:11,384
The average annual income
per person is $24,599.

137
00:15:16,289 --> 00:15:18,559
One out of six
have a college degree.

138
00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:27,434
Nine out of ten
have at least one child.

139
00:15:31,771 --> 00:15:35,409
About 90 people die
of drug overdoses every year.

140
00:15:39,179 --> 00:15:40,380
When I remember it...

141
00:15:43,815 --> 00:15:45,718
I remember knowing...

142
00:15:51,623 --> 00:15:54,560
I will never do any better.

143
00:16:04,337 --> 00:16:07,337
Dr. Woods will see you in a minute.
First, I just need your...

144
00:16:07,339 --> 00:16:08,940
I thought...

145
00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:11,274
Never mind, sorry.

146
00:16:11,276 --> 00:16:13,411
Do you wanna use
your mom's insurance?

147
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:16,246
If that's okay.

148
00:16:16,248 --> 00:16:18,448
Do you have
her policy number?

149
00:16:18,450 --> 00:16:20,453
Her policy number?

150
00:16:23,488 --> 00:16:25,691
Do you know
who her provider is?

151
00:16:26,825 --> 00:16:28,893
I guess...

152
00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:31,562
no, not really.

153
00:16:31,564 --> 00:16:34,501
Do you have any information
about her insurance at all?

154
00:16:37,002 --> 00:16:39,003
Uh...

155
00:16:39,005 --> 00:16:41,808
My mom and I don't
really talk anymore.

156
00:16:43,809 --> 00:16:47,613
Lissa,
I'm sorry about your dad.

157
00:16:49,982 --> 00:16:51,885
Not your fault.

158
00:16:53,852 --> 00:16:55,923
I'm sure I can find
your mom's insurance here.

159
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:20,478
Looks like you've put on
a little bit of weight

160
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,249
since last time you were in.

161
00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:58,615
Your heart rate's
a little fast.

162
00:17:58,617 --> 00:18:00,817
Have you been doing
anything you shouldn't?

163
00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:04,555
No. I don't do anything.

164
00:18:43,128 --> 00:18:45,730
Your blood pressure's
136 over 94.

165
00:18:45,732 --> 00:18:47,664
Is that normal?

166
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,703
Normal's 120 over 80.

167
00:19:47,926 --> 00:19:49,929
Get up! Do something!

168
00:19:57,537 --> 00:19:58,905
Don't...

169
00:20:15,087 --> 00:20:16,886
I can't believe
it's been a year.

170
00:20:16,888 --> 00:20:19,557
I just finished this philosophy class.
Fucking awesome.

171
00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:21,724
It was about Wittgenstein.
He said this great thing,

172
00:20:21,726 --> 00:20:24,761
he said, "Death is not an event of
life, death is not lived through."

173
00:20:24,763 --> 00:20:26,632
What do you think about that?

174
00:20:28,667 --> 00:20:32,973
I don't. Don't other people
live through it?

175
00:20:34,674 --> 00:20:36,710
Do you wanna sit down?

176
00:20:42,714 --> 00:20:45,816
I, um...
I have a surprise for you.

177
00:20:45,818 --> 00:20:50,056
- Yeah?
- I'm gonna take you to a bad place for good drugs.

178
00:20:51,957 --> 00:20:53,592
Happy birthday.

179
00:21:09,642 --> 00:21:12,479
My professor
said I wrote the perfect essay.

180
00:21:14,579 --> 00:21:16,614
Those were his words.

181
00:21:16,616 --> 00:21:18,452
"Perfect."

182
00:21:20,619 --> 00:21:23,223
I focused on Wittgenstein's
propositions.

183
00:21:24,656 --> 00:21:26,193
We should read them.

184
00:21:30,896 --> 00:21:32,563
I focused on...

185
00:21:40,806 --> 00:21:43,574
"If by eternity is understood

186
00:21:43,576 --> 00:21:45,879
"not endless temporal duration
but timelessness...

187
00:22:11,736 --> 00:22:15,107
...then he lives eternally
who lives in the present."

188
00:22:18,911 --> 00:22:20,547
And that's true...

189
00:22:22,114 --> 00:22:25,149
It's about being present now.

190
00:22:25,151 --> 00:22:26,686
Right now.

191
00:22:49,742 --> 00:22:53,713
There's so much
to see... to do...

192
00:22:55,915 --> 00:22:57,317
to become...

193
00:23:01,220 --> 00:23:03,589
I can't be trapped by home...

194
00:23:14,165 --> 00:23:15,835
in Greensburg.

195
00:23:18,703 --> 00:23:20,005
Family.

196
00:23:23,274 --> 00:23:24,743
Belief.

197
00:23:28,947 --> 00:23:31,048
I ended with what he wrote.

198
00:23:31,050 --> 00:23:35,888
"Our life is endless in the way our
visual field is without limit."

199
00:24:02,348 --> 00:24:03,881
I'm tired.

200
00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:06,019
I feel like I've been
talking all night.

201
00:24:07,286 --> 00:24:08,688
It's okay.

202
00:24:36,448 --> 00:24:38,817
Thank you for seeing me.

203
00:24:53,232 --> 00:24:55,402
So, why did you come in?

204
00:24:57,837 --> 00:25:01,441
Relax. Take it easy.
Tell me what's wrong.

205
00:25:05,174 --> 00:25:05,377
I'm sorry, I...

206
00:25:08,379 --> 00:25:11,914
Okay, how about this? Can you at
least tell me your chief symptom?

207
00:25:11,916 --> 00:25:15,384
- It's not...
- Lissa, whatever you say to me is confidential.

208
00:25:15,386 --> 00:25:17,253
- I understand.
- No, I'm not your mother.

209
00:25:17,255 --> 00:25:18,457
No, no.

210
00:25:24,129 --> 00:25:25,895
Do you have any kids,
Dr. Woods?

211
00:25:25,897 --> 00:25:27,096
Do I?

212
00:25:27,098 --> 00:25:29,799
Yes, my wife and I have
a daughter.

213
00:25:29,801 --> 00:25:31,468
- What's her name?
- Kim.

214
00:25:31,470 --> 00:25:36,440
- How old is she?
- She just turned two.

215
00:25:36,442 --> 00:25:38,842
And what do you want for her?

216
00:25:38,844 --> 00:25:40,443
What do you mean?

217
00:25:40,445 --> 00:25:42,945
Like when she grows up,
what do you want her to be?

218
00:25:42,947 --> 00:25:44,381
I hold her sometimes.

219
00:25:44,383 --> 00:25:48,117
When I look at her legs,
I wonder where she'll go,

220
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,723
where her legs will take her.

221
00:25:52,090 --> 00:25:55,025
Away from here?

222
00:25:55,027 --> 00:25:57,097
Whatever's best for her.

223
00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:03,400
I came to see you because
20 days ago was my birthday.

224
00:26:03,402 --> 00:26:06,170
- And you just turned 20, right?
- Yep.

225
00:26:06,172 --> 00:26:08,505
Only my 20th birthday.

226
00:26:35,466 --> 00:26:37,870
I can't believe I'm 20.

227
00:26:44,143 --> 00:26:47,012
This is the only
birthday present I wanted.

228
00:27:01,559 --> 00:27:06,031
When I remember it,
I remember feeling...

229
00:27:08,533 --> 00:27:10,435
everything at once...

230
00:27:11,569 --> 00:27:15,105
everything all together...

231
00:27:15,107 --> 00:27:18,442
everything in place...

232
00:27:18,444 --> 00:27:20,445
everything right now.

233
00:28:20,172 --> 00:28:22,673
And how many partners
have you had?

234
00:28:22,675 --> 00:28:26,609
- Two. Just two.
- Men, women, or both?

235
00:28:26,611 --> 00:28:28,278
Only men.

236
00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,248
At what age did you have
your first sexual encounter?

237
00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:35,419
I was 13. Is that...

238
00:28:35,421 --> 00:28:38,422
- Was it vaginal intercourse?
- Regular, vaginal.

239
00:28:38,424 --> 00:28:41,290
- When was the last time you had intercourse?
- Twenty days ago.

240
00:28:41,292 --> 00:28:44,294
- And have you been using any birth control?
- No.

241
00:28:44,296 --> 00:28:45,729
Did you use protection?

242
00:28:45,731 --> 00:28:49,165
Uh... we...

243
00:28:49,167 --> 00:28:51,401
No. No, we didn't.

244
00:28:51,403 --> 00:28:53,636
Are you experiencing
any burning when you urinate?

245
00:28:53,638 --> 00:28:55,471
- No.
- Any urethral discharge?

246
00:28:55,473 --> 00:28:59,442
- No.
- When was your last menstrual period?

247
00:28:59,444 --> 00:29:02,314
That's kind of
the reason I'm here.

248
00:31:19,184 --> 00:31:21,852
You are now listening
to the sound of Daniel's voice.

249
00:31:21,854 --> 00:31:25,188
When you hear a beep, you will
leave the sound of your own voice.

250
00:35:08,379 --> 00:35:11,113
At this point, a blood test
is the only way to be certain.

251
00:35:11,115 --> 00:35:14,584
I don't like blood, and I'm afraid
of needles. Is there any...

252
00:35:14,586 --> 00:35:17,386
- This isn't typical.
- It isn't?

253
00:35:17,388 --> 00:35:19,022
No, not really, no.

254
00:35:19,024 --> 00:35:22,459
I don't know, I didn't know
what to do or where to go.

255
00:35:22,461 --> 00:35:25,694
- Just go see the nurse.
- Do I need to come back another day?

256
00:35:25,696 --> 00:35:29,432
She'll take care of it. She's
excellent at drawing blood.

257
00:35:29,434 --> 00:35:31,703
It'll be fine. Promise.

258
00:35:39,477 --> 00:35:43,046
When I remember it,
I remember fearing...

259
00:35:45,082 --> 00:35:47,653
...inside my body
is a body...

260
00:35:52,990 --> 00:35:54,957
Morning sickness,

261
00:35:54,959 --> 00:35:56,526
backaches, stretch marks,

262
00:35:56,528 --> 00:35:59,928
hemorrhoids,
varicose veins, fatigue,

263
00:35:59,930 --> 00:36:02,399
indigestion, heartburn,

264
00:36:02,401 --> 00:36:05,667
breast tenderness, nausea,
nine months until a birthday.

265
00:36:05,669 --> 00:36:08,171
Shortness of breath, rashes,
mood swings, dry skin,

266
00:36:08,173 --> 00:36:11,674
constipation, engorged genitals,
vaginal discharge, faintness,

267
00:36:11,676 --> 00:36:13,546
bloating disease, leg cramps.

268
00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:19,015
The most difficult part
of giving birth was...

269
00:36:19,017 --> 00:36:21,417
The clock on the wall
was the worst enemy.

270
00:36:21,419 --> 00:36:24,888
You remember everything about
that day to the second.

271
00:36:24,890 --> 00:36:26,656
Every minute was like
an hour.

272
00:36:26,658 --> 00:36:29,993
The moment that the
contractions first start...

273
00:36:29,995 --> 00:36:34,730
- It was painful.
- Pain is so horrific that it doesn't seem natural.

274
00:36:34,732 --> 00:36:36,765
I just wanted to rip
my hair out.

275
00:36:36,767 --> 00:36:38,535
I just
remember screaming.

276
00:36:38,537 --> 00:36:42,439
That needle was so long.

277
00:36:42,441 --> 00:36:44,540
And the contractions
just kept getting stronger.

278
00:36:44,542 --> 00:36:46,642
All the blood vessels
in my face broke.

279
00:36:46,644 --> 00:36:49,611
Felt like my face
was turning inside out.

280
00:36:49,613 --> 00:36:52,048
All of the sudden, they're telling
you they have to cut you open.

281
00:36:52,050 --> 00:36:54,616
And there was just
blood everywhere.

282
00:36:54,618 --> 00:36:59,189
And you realize like you're
going to have this baby

283
00:36:59,191 --> 00:37:01,591
and be responsible.

284
00:38:04,155 --> 00:38:07,122
Listen, I have
really bad veins.

285
00:38:07,124 --> 00:38:09,591
I got them from my dad.

286
00:38:09,593 --> 00:38:12,261
Could you please come here?

287
00:38:12,263 --> 00:38:15,098
There's an issue that requires
your immediate attention.

288
00:38:22,606 --> 00:38:23,775
When I remember it...

289
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,149
I remember wanting...

290
00:38:32,651 --> 00:38:34,153
more time with him.

291
00:38:47,198 --> 00:38:48,701
More hours.

292
00:38:52,336 --> 00:38:53,638
More minutes.

293
00:38:55,073 --> 00:38:57,339
More words.

294
00:38:57,341 --> 00:38:59,677
Even more silence.

295
00:39:29,841 --> 00:39:31,710
Dad, can you pass the bread?

296
00:39:45,189 --> 00:39:46,691
Robert?

297
00:39:48,892 --> 00:39:50,095
Please.

298
00:40:00,905 --> 00:40:03,341
- Here you go, honey.
- Thanks, Mom.

299
00:40:28,098 --> 00:40:29,635
Robert?

300
00:40:39,810 --> 00:40:42,314
Robert, did you take
the car in?

301
00:40:43,981 --> 00:40:45,747
Robert?

302
00:40:45,749 --> 00:40:47,318
What are you doing?

303
00:40:50,021 --> 00:40:51,289
Robert?

304
00:40:52,723 --> 00:40:53,926
Look at me.

305
00:40:55,727 --> 00:40:56,959
Robert.

306
00:40:56,961 --> 00:41:00,196
Did you take the car...?

307
00:41:24,254 --> 00:41:25,990
Sorry.

308
00:41:30,028 --> 00:41:32,127
- Shouldn't have done that.
- But I...

309
00:41:32,129 --> 00:41:34,232
Listen, I've been doing this
for a long time.

310
00:42:13,872 --> 00:42:16,805
Now, make a fist.

311
00:42:26,251 --> 00:42:27,450
Faster.

312
00:42:27,452 --> 00:42:29,988
Faster.

313
00:42:32,524 --> 00:42:36,161
Come on. Almost there.

314
00:42:38,562 --> 00:42:40,198
Don't stop now, Lissa.

315
00:43:56,106 --> 00:43:58,506
Couldn't find the vein.

316
00:43:58,508 --> 00:44:01,012
Gotta try again.

317
00:44:11,289 --> 00:44:14,827
He started working in
the mine on his 18th birthday.

318
00:44:17,095 --> 00:44:19,361
He was a beltman.

319
00:44:19,363 --> 00:44:22,600
He said it paid well,
that it wasn't too dangerous.

320
00:44:24,301 --> 00:44:26,104
He did it for 26 years.

321
00:44:28,071 --> 00:44:30,041
He took pride in his work.

322
00:44:36,580 --> 00:44:39,852
Can't see the vein,
but I can feel it.

323
00:44:47,292 --> 00:44:50,629
His grandfather was
a coal miner before his father.

324
00:44:52,930 --> 00:44:55,631
His father before his brother.

325
00:44:55,633 --> 00:44:57,401
His brother before him.

326
00:44:58,937 --> 00:45:00,468
His brother with him.

327
00:45:09,546 --> 00:45:12,247
The Steelers are on
at 1:00 Sunday.

328
00:45:12,249 --> 00:45:13,551
Kids coming over?

329
00:45:16,321 --> 00:45:18,490
It's been a while
since you've been over.

330
00:45:24,361 --> 00:45:25,597
Robert.

331
00:45:31,702 --> 00:45:33,137
Robert.

332
00:45:36,140 --> 00:45:38,441
Hey, Gus, could you
give us a second, please?

333
00:45:38,443 --> 00:45:39,977
Thank you.

334
00:45:42,981 --> 00:45:45,413
Look, no shit.

335
00:45:45,415 --> 00:45:47,649
These last couple weeks,
you're fucked up.

336
00:45:47,651 --> 00:45:50,618
Yeah. No, I'm good.

337
00:45:50,620 --> 00:45:53,055
Look, you're my kid brother.

338
00:45:53,057 --> 00:45:56,459
If you need anything, if there's
anything I can do for you...

339
00:45:56,461 --> 00:45:58,426
You know, whatever.

340
00:45:58,428 --> 00:45:59,627
I'm here for you.

341
00:45:59,629 --> 00:46:01,098
I know.

342
00:46:11,242 --> 00:46:12,577
Got it.

343
00:46:23,287 --> 00:46:26,388
That's it.

344
00:46:26,390 --> 00:46:29,327
- That's it?
- Now you just have to wait for your results.

345
00:47:42,300 --> 00:47:44,669
It isn't much
of a dinner, but...

346
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,243
You're what?

347
00:47:54,711 --> 00:47:57,178
What grade are you in?

348
00:47:57,180 --> 00:47:59,417
Eleventh. Duh.

349
00:48:01,185 --> 00:48:02,387
Ha.

350
00:48:05,622 --> 00:48:08,624
Your mom expects you
to go to college.

351
00:48:08,626 --> 00:48:10,292
So do I.

352
00:48:10,294 --> 00:48:11,496
I know.

353
00:48:13,564 --> 00:48:15,767
Nobody pushed me
into doing anything.

354
00:48:17,368 --> 00:48:19,404
Except work in the mines.

355
00:48:21,171 --> 00:48:23,607
- Was that with Uncle Keith?
- Yeah, but he's...

356
00:48:27,345 --> 00:48:28,680
You okay?

357
00:48:34,519 --> 00:48:36,354
I'm so proud of you.

358
00:48:38,421 --> 00:48:40,858
You sure you're okay?

359
00:48:43,260 --> 00:48:45,529
You're the best part of me.

360
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:53,872
I want you to have
everything that I didn't have.

361
00:48:57,307 --> 00:49:01,213
You know, your mother can be...

362
00:49:02,613 --> 00:49:04,281
But she loves you.

363
00:49:06,751 --> 00:49:08,883
She's so...

364
00:49:08,885 --> 00:49:12,123
Just remember that.

365
00:49:14,725 --> 00:49:17,225
Seriously, is everything okay?

366
00:49:17,227 --> 00:49:18,829
Everything's fine.

367
00:49:20,464 --> 00:49:22,234
Sure?

368
00:49:28,305 --> 00:49:30,474
Everything's
gonna be fine.

369
00:49:33,343 --> 00:49:35,310
Everything...

370
00:49:35,312 --> 00:49:37,479
is gonna be fine.

371
00:50:17,455 --> 00:50:20,955
On that day, he woke up at 7 a.m.

372
00:50:23,995 --> 00:50:26,761
Or he woke up at 7:30 a.m.

373
00:50:26,763 --> 00:50:28,966
No one knows for certain.

374
00:50:30,368 --> 00:50:32,834
He had slept for three hours.

375
00:50:32,836 --> 00:50:35,404
Or for three and a half hours.

376
00:50:35,406 --> 00:50:38,710
His morning was the same
as it had been for 26 years.

377
00:51:00,798 --> 00:51:03,966
He always drank
two cups of coffee,

378
00:51:03,968 --> 00:51:08,837
but the autopsy report said that
there was alcohol in his system.

379
00:51:08,839 --> 00:51:10,942
I prefer to think
there wasn't.

380
00:51:31,461 --> 00:51:34,765
At about 8:15 a.m.,
he bought a pack of cigarettes.

381
00:51:36,700 --> 00:51:40,669
- The last words he ever heard were...
- Have a good one.

382
00:51:40,671 --> 00:51:43,604
- Or he heard...
- See you tomorrow.

383
00:51:43,606 --> 00:51:46,975
- Or he heard...
- Need any matches?

384
00:51:46,977 --> 00:51:49,912
Or he heard nothing.

385
00:51:52,015 --> 00:51:53,751
He drove south
on Church Street...

386
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,690
turned right on route 31...

387
00:52:00,124 --> 00:52:03,828
took the ramp to route 70
heading east...

388
00:52:05,729 --> 00:52:07,998
continued on 119 north...

389
00:52:11,502 --> 00:52:14,535
took a right...

390
00:52:14,537 --> 00:52:16,440
then another right.

391
00:52:20,577 --> 00:52:23,380
As he drove,
he smoked five cigarettes.

392
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,397
He arrived at his destination
some time late in the morning.

393
00:52:44,468 --> 00:52:47,703
Was he crying?

394
00:52:47,705 --> 00:52:51,776
Did he think of his wife,
his daughter?

395
00:52:53,711 --> 00:52:55,979
Did he ask for forgiveness?

396
00:52:58,048 --> 00:53:00,051
Was his last feeling relief?

397
00:53:41,725 --> 00:53:44,125
Took over six hours
for his body to be found.

398
00:54:20,497 --> 00:54:22,533
When I remember it...

399
00:54:24,834 --> 00:54:26,771
I remember wishing...

400
00:54:28,705 --> 00:54:29,973
I could start over.

401
00:54:32,542 --> 00:54:34,546
I could go back
to the first day of school.

402
00:54:36,546 --> 00:54:38,515
I could try harder.

403
00:54:40,283 --> 00:54:42,019
I could get better grades.

404
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,457
I could take back
that first kiss.

405
00:54:48,258 --> 00:54:50,994
I could erase
the mistakes I've made.

406
00:54:53,597 --> 00:54:55,767
I could say goodbye to him.

407
00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:01,203
I could tell him
not to make that drive.

408
00:55:01,205 --> 00:55:04,209
I could explain
what he left us with.

409
00:55:06,142 --> 00:55:08,545
I could listen to my mom more.

410
00:55:10,281 --> 00:55:12,016
I could be more patient.

411
00:55:13,617 --> 00:55:14,819
More understanding.

412
00:55:16,287 --> 00:55:17,521
More empathetic.

413
00:55:21,591 --> 00:55:24,028
I could do all of those things.

414
00:55:26,129 --> 00:55:27,664
I could start over.

415
00:55:57,093 --> 00:55:58,727
I'm Joan Maruska.

416
00:55:58,729 --> 00:56:00,761
Thank you so much
for coming out.

417
00:56:00,763 --> 00:56:03,832
I'm going to talk to you about the
importance of unions in our lives,

418
00:56:03,834 --> 00:56:05,633
in our country's life.

419
00:56:05,635 --> 00:56:09,136
Unions are important because
they are the only organized

420
00:56:09,138 --> 00:56:12,577
collective voice
for workers in America.

421
00:57:07,664 --> 00:57:08,897
Mom?

422
00:57:08,899 --> 00:57:13,738
I know it's been a long time,
but something's happened.

423
00:57:18,242 --> 00:57:20,678
Why don't you come in
and we'll talk about it?

424
00:57:39,363 --> 00:57:41,665
It's Daniel's, isn't it?

425
00:57:43,232 --> 00:57:45,167
I'm not sure it's anything yet.

426
00:57:45,169 --> 00:57:47,903
But yeah.

427
00:57:47,905 --> 00:57:52,274
You know, you're gonna have to
start taking care of yourself.

428
00:57:52,276 --> 00:57:55,877
You're gonna have
to eat better and you're...

429
00:57:55,879 --> 00:58:00,816
- Stop, I get it.
- You are going to have to be responsible

430
00:58:00,818 --> 00:58:02,350
for someone else.

431
00:58:02,352 --> 00:58:05,252
- I need...
- You need to grow up.

432
00:58:05,254 --> 00:58:08,756
- I can't fucking...
- Stop that language and don't you raise...

433
00:58:08,758 --> 00:58:10,825
- You're judging me.
- Don't you raise your...

434
00:58:10,827 --> 00:58:12,026
I came here for help,

435
00:58:12,028 --> 00:58:15,132
and all you can do is stare
at your fucking wine glass.

436
00:58:28,845 --> 00:58:30,979
All you can think
about is yourself.

437
00:58:30,981 --> 00:58:32,814
What does that even mean?

438
00:58:32,816 --> 00:58:34,515
Look, I feel bad.

439
00:58:34,517 --> 00:58:38,053
The situation is bad,
it's really bad.

440
00:58:38,055 --> 00:58:39,821
I'm glad to hear
that you feel bad,

441
00:58:39,823 --> 00:58:41,325
because if you didn't
feel bad...

442
00:58:43,127 --> 00:58:46,130
I would be worried that you
wouldn't feel anything at all.

443
00:58:48,031 --> 00:58:49,967
Wonder where I get that from.

444
00:58:51,334 --> 00:58:54,269
I can't live up to
your bullshit expectations.

445
00:58:54,271 --> 00:58:58,973
I try, I try every day.
That's all I do.

446
00:58:58,975 --> 00:59:01,343
You're a constant
disappointment to me.

447
00:59:01,345 --> 00:59:05,980
Every day I think of you,
and you know what I think?

448
00:59:05,982 --> 00:59:09,517
You think I'm okay with this,
to be stuck here?

449
00:59:09,519 --> 00:59:11,553
What makes you think
I'm okay with my life?

450
00:59:11,555 --> 00:59:13,825
I think, what a waste.

451
00:59:15,359 --> 00:59:18,225
I don't expect you
to go to Harvard,

452
00:59:18,227 --> 00:59:20,395
to win a Rhodes Scholarship.

453
00:59:20,397 --> 00:59:23,064
- I don't expect much out of you.
- I hate it.

454
00:59:23,066 --> 00:59:26,066
I hate Dad for what he did,
I hate you for how you are.

455
00:59:26,068 --> 00:59:28,569
I expect you to do something.

456
00:59:28,571 --> 00:59:30,404
You've squandered
every opportunity,

457
00:59:30,406 --> 00:59:32,207
everything your father
wanted for you.

458
00:59:32,209 --> 00:59:35,343
- I hate everything.
- Look at you, just look at you.

459
00:59:35,345 --> 00:59:39,180
- I hate my stupid life.
- That's your answer for everything.

460
00:59:39,182 --> 00:59:42,216
Oh, I hate this.
Oh, everything sucks.

461
00:59:42,218 --> 00:59:43,584
Yeah, Mom, keep mocking.

462
00:59:43,586 --> 00:59:46,053
"I'm just a poor little
victim baby with nothing,

463
00:59:46,055 --> 00:59:48,256
and everybody sucks but me."
- Keep it coming.

464
00:59:48,258 --> 00:59:50,058
- What else? What else?
- You know what?

465
00:59:50,060 --> 00:59:52,993
I'm sick of trying with you.
I am sick.

466
00:59:52,995 --> 00:59:54,361
Yeah, you're right.

467
00:59:54,363 --> 00:59:56,330
That's the first right thing
you've ever said, you're sick.

468
00:59:56,332 --> 00:59:58,366
And you sicken me.

469
00:59:58,368 --> 01:00:01,937
At least I do something
with myself.

470
01:00:03,874 --> 01:00:06,341
- Talk talk, that's all it is.
- You are 20 years old.

471
01:00:06,343 --> 01:00:09,276
- And what do you do?
- When I really need you, you're not present!

472
01:00:09,278 --> 01:00:11,979
- I came to you, I need your help.
- I don't even know you!

473
01:00:11,981 --> 01:00:15,552
- I need you.
- And the shit you do! The shit you do!

474
01:00:17,453 --> 01:00:21,522
I didn't kill him.
It's not my fault.

475
01:00:21,524 --> 01:00:24,526
You say you try.
I don't see you trying.

476
01:00:24,528 --> 01:00:27,863
You say you try?
I try.

477
01:00:27,865 --> 01:00:30,001
And I tried.

478
01:00:31,368 --> 01:00:33,203
And I still try.

479
01:00:36,073 --> 01:00:37,375
You just wallow in it.

480
01:00:41,310 --> 01:00:43,580
I loved him and...

481
01:00:46,649 --> 01:00:48,385
As if I didn't.

482
01:00:49,519 --> 01:00:51,823
That is not what I meant.

483
01:01:00,564 --> 01:01:04,633
And you know what?
You did kill him.

484
01:01:04,635 --> 01:01:08,669
The same way, when I was, what, 8, you
told me my lower lip was too big.

485
01:01:08,671 --> 01:01:10,205
My eyes were too close together.

486
01:01:10,207 --> 01:01:11,973
I didn't do that.

487
01:01:11,975 --> 01:01:15,509
You did. You did the same thing
to him, slowly, over time.

488
01:01:15,511 --> 01:01:17,912
Like when you belittled me
when I was learning to count.

489
01:01:17,914 --> 01:01:20,483
I'd always mess up
four and five.

490
01:01:22,252 --> 01:01:24,519
I'm sorry that happened.

491
01:01:24,521 --> 01:01:29,357
It didn't just happen.
It wasn't an accident.

492
01:01:29,359 --> 01:01:32,160
You did it.

493
01:01:32,162 --> 01:01:34,298
Again and again.

494
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,176
I'm sorry.

495
01:01:47,611 --> 01:01:50,013
I'm sorry
I did that to you.

496
01:01:53,182 --> 01:01:55,352
You fucking should be.

497
01:02:11,667 --> 01:02:13,970
Happy birthday, by the way.

498
01:02:18,307 --> 01:02:20,343
I thought you forgot.

499
01:02:36,993 --> 01:02:40,064
Okay. Okay, Lissa.

500
01:02:41,131 --> 01:02:43,334
What do you want to talk about?

501
01:05:18,254 --> 01:05:20,290
Did you know...

502
01:05:22,658 --> 01:05:24,625
Did you think...

503
01:05:24,627 --> 01:05:27,597
Did you know he would
ever do anything like that?

504
01:05:30,767 --> 01:05:32,834
No, no.

505
01:05:32,836 --> 01:05:36,171
I was working so much,
you know.

506
01:05:36,173 --> 01:05:38,272
Seventy hours a week,
I wasn't around.

507
01:05:38,274 --> 01:05:43,611
I mean, I think if I had been,
maybe I, maybe I could have...

508
01:05:43,613 --> 01:05:46,580
Yeah, I think the same things.

509
01:05:46,582 --> 01:05:49,383
I want you to know
something about your father.

510
01:05:49,385 --> 01:05:52,553
He was never happy.

511
01:05:52,555 --> 01:05:55,723
Even when we were young
and I first met him

512
01:05:55,725 --> 01:05:57,491
at the union rally,
he wasn't happy.

513
01:05:57,493 --> 01:05:59,861
He never thought
anything he did was good.

514
01:05:59,863 --> 01:06:03,497
He never thought anything he did was
worthwhile, except for one thing.

515
01:06:03,499 --> 01:06:06,433
He loved you.

516
01:06:06,435 --> 01:06:09,303
More than anything in the world.

517
01:06:09,305 --> 01:06:12,208
And he was proud of you.

518
01:06:14,377 --> 01:06:17,312
I remember the day
you were born.

519
01:06:17,314 --> 01:06:20,982
You were...
you were so little.

520
01:06:20,984 --> 01:06:25,689
You fit into his,
his arm, just...

521
01:06:27,457 --> 01:06:29,890
your whole length of your
body, and he held you

522
01:06:29,892 --> 01:06:33,597
and he pulled you to his heart,
and I want you to know...

523
01:06:35,231 --> 01:06:37,734
it was your father
that wanted to have you.

524
01:06:39,336 --> 01:06:42,669
I wasn't sure that I
would be a good mother.

525
01:06:42,671 --> 01:06:45,973
And I know I'm not
a lot of the time.

526
01:06:45,975 --> 01:06:49,310
- I know I mess up.
- Yeah, so do I.

527
01:06:49,312 --> 01:06:52,779
But to answer
your question,

528
01:06:52,781 --> 01:06:56,551
yes, I knew he was
getting worse.

529
01:06:56,553 --> 01:06:58,752
He was drinking all the time.

530
01:06:58,754 --> 01:07:00,687
Just like his father,
you must have noticed that.

531
01:07:00,689 --> 01:07:02,991
I don't know, I think so.

532
01:07:02,993 --> 01:07:05,729
I knew that something
was very wrong with him.

533
01:07:08,365 --> 01:07:10,932
And I wanted him
to get help.

534
01:07:10,934 --> 01:07:13,303
Did you like force him?

535
01:07:15,872 --> 01:07:18,605
It was more complicated
than that.

536
01:07:18,607 --> 01:07:21,843
Nobody forced anybody.

537
01:07:21,845 --> 01:07:24,915
Okay, well, explain it to me.

538
01:07:44,901 --> 01:07:46,870
Why do you always do that?

539
01:07:50,939 --> 01:07:53,510
Why can't you just tell me?

540
01:08:04,354 --> 01:08:06,453
This is...

541
01:08:06,455 --> 01:08:09,089
uh, very...

542
01:08:09,091 --> 01:08:12,060
hard for me to talk about.

543
01:08:12,062 --> 01:08:13,694
That's not fair.

544
01:08:13,696 --> 01:08:15,763
I don't care
if it's fair or not.

545
01:08:15,765 --> 01:08:17,432
- He was my dad.
- Hmm.

546
01:08:17,434 --> 01:08:20,902
Yeah, great.
That's a stunning observation.

547
01:08:20,904 --> 01:08:24,839
Fuck you.
I fucking hate you.

548
01:08:24,841 --> 01:08:27,375
That's better,
but still not original.

549
01:08:27,377 --> 01:08:29,676
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- I think it's better

550
01:08:29,678 --> 01:08:31,712
for you just to stay
in your fantasy world.

551
01:08:31,714 --> 01:08:36,686
You're the worst fucking thing
that has ever happened to me.

552
01:08:38,855 --> 01:08:43,858
I can't believe
you won't tell...

553
01:08:43,860 --> 01:08:45,727
I can't believe...

554
01:08:45,729 --> 01:08:48,798
I can't believe
you won't tell me.

555
01:08:50,632 --> 01:08:52,066
I can't bel...

556
01:08:52,068 --> 01:08:54,501
I can't believe...

557
01:08:54,503 --> 01:08:57,004
I can't believe
you won't tell me.

558
01:08:57,006 --> 01:09:00,377
I can't fucking believe
you won't tell me!

559
01:09:18,561 --> 01:09:20,597
Just tell me!

560
01:09:22,998 --> 01:09:24,702
Okay.

561
01:09:51,461 --> 01:09:53,627
It was Wednesday.

562
01:09:53,629 --> 01:09:55,196
The day before.

563
01:09:55,198 --> 01:09:58,032
- The day before he died?
- Yeah.

564
01:09:58,034 --> 01:09:59,970
The day with the door.

565
01:10:02,038 --> 01:10:03,571
The door.

566
01:10:03,573 --> 01:10:04,874
Yeah.

567
01:10:11,448 --> 01:10:14,785
But what I didn't tell you
is that I was there.

568
01:10:20,489 --> 01:10:23,691
- You'd always said...
- I know.

569
01:10:23,693 --> 01:10:27,562
But I didn't want you
to think of him that way.

570
01:10:27,564 --> 01:10:30,133
It's hard to even
imagine him like that.

571
01:10:31,767 --> 01:10:34,635
I wish I could
have hid that from you.

572
01:10:34,637 --> 01:10:37,138
It was there
when I got home.

573
01:10:37,140 --> 01:10:40,107
Everything I did was
to protect you from him.

574
01:10:40,109 --> 01:10:42,609
And from that,
and from knowing that.

575
01:11:03,999 --> 01:11:06,000
I was just...

576
01:11:06,002 --> 01:11:08,669
- Reacting?
- Something like that.

577
01:11:28,223 --> 01:11:32,762
I don't even know what I...
what I... what I did.

578
01:11:44,073 --> 01:11:45,305
Stop.

579
01:11:45,307 --> 01:11:46,642
He came towards me...

580
01:11:47,644 --> 01:11:49,480
- Mom.
- Please.

581
01:11:53,315 --> 01:11:54,916
Don't.

582
01:11:54,918 --> 01:11:57,718
Stop!

583
01:11:57,720 --> 01:11:59,554
Robert! Stop! Stop!

584
01:11:59,556 --> 01:12:02,826
You don't have to do whatever
you're thinking of doing!

585
01:12:14,102 --> 01:12:16,970
And he said, "First you..."

586
01:12:16,972 --> 01:12:20,041
- No.
- "...then Lissa, then me."

587
01:12:20,043 --> 01:12:23,146
No. He would never say that.

588
01:12:33,221 --> 01:12:34,957
There are things
I'm not gonna tell you.

589
01:12:36,693 --> 01:12:38,628
There are parts of this
you're never gonna know.

590
01:12:41,998 --> 01:12:43,229
Robert.

591
01:12:57,980 --> 01:12:59,849
I told him I was leaving him.

592
01:13:01,016 --> 01:13:03,149
And that I was
taking you with me.

593
01:13:03,151 --> 01:13:06,120
And that we couldn't
live like this.

594
01:13:06,122 --> 01:13:07,324
And he...

595
01:13:39,254 --> 01:13:42,055
Don't...

596
01:13:42,057 --> 01:13:43,760
Don't tell her.

597
01:13:52,935 --> 01:13:56,937
And I went looking for you,
and I looked all over.

598
01:13:56,939 --> 01:13:59,240
I went to school,
and you weren't there.

599
01:13:59,242 --> 01:14:01,908
I went over to Daniel's parents'
house, you weren't there.

600
01:14:01,910 --> 01:14:03,911
I went to Aimee's house,
I looked all over,

601
01:14:03,913 --> 01:14:06,913
and then I came home
and you were there.

602
01:14:06,915 --> 01:14:08,749
With him.

603
01:14:08,751 --> 01:14:10,721
He was so calm.

604
01:14:12,754 --> 01:14:14,824
He made me a sandwich.

605
01:14:16,825 --> 01:14:20,096
And he said,
"Everything's gonna be fine."

606
01:14:22,832 --> 01:14:24,331
I know.

607
01:14:24,333 --> 01:14:27,100
What I really thought
is that everything was okay

608
01:14:27,102 --> 01:14:28,803
and that it was over.

609
01:14:28,805 --> 01:14:30,307
And then he left.

610
01:14:32,307 --> 01:14:34,908
And that's the last time...

611
01:14:34,910 --> 01:14:37,411
He did come back.
He came back later that night

612
01:14:37,413 --> 01:14:41,182
and he got into bed with me and
I was too tired to say anything

613
01:14:41,184 --> 01:14:42,849
or to do anything.

614
01:14:42,851 --> 01:14:45,421
And then the next morning,
he was gone.

615
01:14:47,222 --> 01:14:49,889
There's nothing you could
have done, you know that, right?

616
01:14:49,891 --> 01:14:53,029
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Listen to me.

617
01:14:54,963 --> 01:14:58,465
There is nothing
you could have done.

618
01:14:58,467 --> 01:15:00,870
I miss him a lot.

619
01:15:04,841 --> 01:15:08,845
Despite everything that happened,
I miss him all the time.

620
01:15:12,914 --> 01:15:15,316
I never thought
you can love a human being

621
01:15:15,318 --> 01:15:17,785
as much as you love your kids.

622
01:15:17,787 --> 01:15:20,757
And you'll do anything
for them, anything.

623
01:15:28,230 --> 01:15:30,865
The best part of the day is
whenever my kids smile at me

624
01:15:30,867 --> 01:15:32,899
or they give me a hug
and say, "I love you, Mommy."

625
01:15:32,901 --> 01:15:35,169
My kids are my best friends.
They are.

626
01:15:35,171 --> 01:15:38,938
They are my world.
They're funny.

627
01:15:38,940 --> 01:15:41,876
You know,
I just love 'em, I love 'em.

628
01:15:41,878 --> 01:15:44,844
No matter what they do,

629
01:15:44,846 --> 01:15:50,184
that you will, as a mother,
love them unconditionally.

630
01:15:50,186 --> 01:15:54,921
They're the reason that I've
chosen to go on with life,

631
01:15:54,923 --> 01:15:57,258
when I didn't want to.

632
01:15:57,260 --> 01:16:01,127
As long as they can grow up
happy and healthy

633
01:16:01,129 --> 01:16:03,798
and be good people,

634
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:07,268
that you'll do anything
that you need to do

635
01:16:07,270 --> 01:16:09,205
to make that happen.

636
01:16:16,244 --> 01:16:18,114
I love her.

637
01:16:21,551 --> 01:16:23,053
Everything...

638
01:16:24,153 --> 01:16:26,487
would be okay...

639
01:16:26,489 --> 01:16:28,988
if he just hadn't...

640
01:16:28,990 --> 01:16:31,394
It can still be okay.

641
01:16:33,596 --> 01:16:36,095
Well, we have to find out
whether, um...

642
01:16:36,097 --> 01:16:37,767
Either way.

643
01:16:39,401 --> 01:16:42,172
Everything in the past
has just gone so wrong.

644
01:16:44,406 --> 01:16:47,575
I wish... I wonder...

645
01:16:47,577 --> 01:16:49,943
Listen to me.

646
01:16:49,945 --> 01:16:55,184
You can question
everything in the past.

647
01:16:56,385 --> 01:16:59,586
All the whos,
the whats, the wheres,

648
01:16:59,588 --> 01:17:03,126
but what matters is here now.

649
01:17:06,061 --> 01:17:07,863
I'm here for you.

650
01:17:11,167 --> 01:17:12,936
You're not alone.

651
01:17:24,913 --> 01:17:29,218
When I remember it,
I remember understanding.

652
01:18:06,288 --> 01:18:08,123
When the test results came in...

653
01:18:16,399 --> 01:18:18,368
I knew it wasn't my time.

654
01:18:22,003 --> 01:18:23,606
But one day it will be.

655
01:18:41,257 --> 01:18:43,093
Then I'll be ready.

656
01:20:24,526 --> 01:20:27,493
Gonna make a wish?

657
01:20:27,495 --> 01:20:29,132
Absolutely.

658
01:20:30,632 --> 01:20:32,832
- What is it?
- I can't tell you.

659
01:20:32,834 --> 01:20:36,202
It won't come true.

660
01:20:36,204 --> 01:20:39,242
Want to know what mine is?

661
01:20:41,077 --> 01:20:42,345
On the count of three.

662
01:20:43,712 --> 01:20:46,345
One...

663
01:20:46,347 --> 01:20:48,648
two...

664
01:20:48,650 --> 01:20:50,384
three.

665
01:21:00,264 --> 01:21:05,264
Subtitles by explosiveskull