Cleaning Out the Closet

Okay, ready to clean out the closet?

No, no. Come on, We've been putting it off for weeks.

Trust me, you don't want me to do it myself. Remember when you asked me to pack for our vacation? You were so mad when you found out that you didn't have any underwear.

You don't want that to happen again. Do you?

That's right, I'm threatening to throw out all your underwear. I certainly don't mind if you don't have any.

(gets hit with pillow)

Ow! See, you need less projectiles! Let's start by getting rid of this pillow!

Oh no? This is you favorite pillow? Well, then you better come rescue it!

Oh, you're coming armed?

(short improvised pillow fight ensues)

Ah

I'll get you for that

Oof

(laughing)

(Sigh) Tired yet?

Me too *kiss*

No, come on. We still need to clean the closet! Babe, if we put this off, we're just going to feel guilty about it later. Besides, no clean closet means no new stuff.

Ha, I had a feeling that one would work on you.

I know. I don't want to do it either, but how about cuddles when we're done? Victory cuddles?

Ok, the sooner we get started, the sooner we can relax.

Now, do you need this shirt? Actually wait, why do you even have a shirt that says 'Happy Bar Mitzvah Joshua!' on the front? Do we know a Joshua? Have we ever known anybody turning 13?

Oh, this is from that night we got caught in that storm. I was so sure that the bus stop was just around the corner. Then, I was so sure that the bus stop was just around the next corner. And then the next corner. Jeez, how you put up with me that night I will never know. Especially after it started to rain, we got completely soaked before I finally craved and ducked into a store to call a car. The store clerk started gapping at you and that's when we realized that people could see through your wet t-shirt. I don't think I've ever seen you move so fast! You grabbed the closest shirt you could find and hopped into a dressing room before I could even offer you my jacket. I expected you to be mad when you came out, but you were laughing. I'm pretty sure you laughed the whole drive home.

I guess we were lucky that I picked a thrift store. Actually, do you want to keep this shirt? I kind of like it now.

Oh come, it takes up hardly any space at all.

No, we don't NEED it, but we also don't need half the things in here. We'll just get rid of something else. Here, we can start with my stuff.

No, I like that hat!

Yes, I have three other baseball caps, but each one is different.

(playful) Oh, don't roll your eyes at me. You have five different pairs of black heels.

Well, the hats have different logos. That's much more noticeable than subtle differences in shoe design.

(reassuring) I'm not saying you have to get rid of your heels. Just don't make me get rid of my hats.

I know, I know. We have to get rid of something. Okay, keeping shoes. Keeping hats. Hmmm....We probably don't need these sleeping bags anymore. I doubt you want to go camping again.

You do? But we got eaten alive last time! And we discovered that fishing is possibly the most boring thing imaginable. And it took us forever to start a fire. We went through an entire box of matches and six logs. What was fun about that?

Wait, you thinking about that night?

No, not that part! Well, yes I mean also that part. But I meant how we spent all night catching fireflies and then released them inside our tent. Your face was glowing as much as the fireflies were. You couldn't take your eyes off them and I couldn't take my eyes off you. We watched them dance for hours before we finally let them go. Oh, that was such a good night.

Actually, maybe we should go camping again. We're more experienced at starting fires now, right? Maybe it will only take us a half box of matches and three logs next time.

I guess we should probably keep the sleeping bags too.

Let's see, what else? Hmmmm.....Do we really need these antique napkins that your grandmother gave us?

(nervous) Uh. Right, stupid question. Keeping the napkins. Um, maybe you pick next?

No, I want that Blockbuster gift card!

What? It's important!

Yeah, I know that I can't use it anymore. I'm planning on regifting it to my brother for his birthday.

Because he regifted it to me for my birthday.

(indignant) Look, it's a wonderful and hilarious tradition that makes total and complete sense. Don't try to ruin it with your 'logic'.

No, don't give up yet! I promise that we can find something to throw away. This is not who have we become. We're not two old homebuddy packrats. That's not us.

See, look. Here is a whole shoe box with nothing it but an old pizza delivery menu and a shitty plastic rose.

Wait, is this the rose from our first valentine's day?

You didn't want to do anything over the top, so we just settled on having pizza back at your place. But I insisted on getting you flowers. After all, you deserved them. I brought you a bouquet of roses with a note that said 'I'll love you until that last rose dies'. You teased me for it because you knew that roses only last about a week. It took you a solid month to realize that I had snuck in a plastic rose.

*kiss* I still think it was one of my better moves.

You really kept it for all this time?

Yes, of course that promise is still true. I will love you until this shitty plastic rose degrades into the earth and even after. I will love you even if you ever want to throw out this shitty rose and I will definitely still love you if never do.

*kiss*

I will still love you if we never clean out this closet and our bedroom becomes a collector's museum of useless junk. Because, fuck, I do not want to clean out this closet right now. I just want to lie down with you and ignore any problems we have with materialism for a while.

*sighs*

Sparks joy? That's the standard now right? You keep things that spark joy. You know what? It all sparks joy. Every bit of it because all of it's memories with you. *kiss* So, let's just keep all of it. We can build a new closet later.

 *kiss*

For tonight, let's make a few new memories