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- Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.89,0:00:50.46,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}The accelerating gravitational force
- Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.53,0:01:00.68,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}and the echoing dynamics are restraining my heart.
- What?
- Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.30,0:01:06.88,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}As the cosmic dust bridge comes to an end,
- Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.88,0:01:12.01,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}you'll only gain mystical powers,
- Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.06,0:01:13.78,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}after you stare into it.
- This can't be right.
- Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.78,0:01:17.33,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}You then went and changed your appearance
- Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.33,0:01:20.95,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}Time began to move once again.
- Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.07,0:01:25.58,English,,0,0,0,,{\fad(200,200)}I just want to meet myself again.
- TLC TLC TLC
- Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.71,0:02:46.30,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,In the past, I took advantage \Nof being your boyfriend
- Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.30,0:02:47.93,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,and helped you out when needed.
- Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.41,0:02:51.94,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,However, now I feel like I don't \Nunderstand anything about you.
- Adding another line adds more issues to what you had in the first place.
- Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.04,0:02:55.31,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,Looking at us now,
- Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.31,0:02:58.57,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,I don't want us to revert to how we were.
- What in the what?
- Script-writing skills are minimal -- look at that us/us repetition. Pointless.
- And the line? It's nonsense. You wanted to say "I don't want our relationship to go back to how it was." but your focus on transliterated garbage sinks you again.
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.30,0:03:07.45,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,I'm aware that your loss of \Nmemory isn't your fault, but...
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.15,0:03:10.44,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,I know, but...
- You would say "I know it isn't, but..."
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.96,0:03:14.04,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,It's impossible...
- "It's hard to accept." or something like that. Not fucking hard to write.
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.77,0:03:51.47,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}I wonder why he won't tell me anything...{\i0}
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.47,0:03:53.92,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}Is there a reason why he won't tell me?{\i0}
- Again, you repeat words unnecessarily. tell me/tell me. Your script has no flavor -- no life. Variety is important.
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.28,0:03:40.03,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}It's killing Shin...{\i0}
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.30,0:03:43.13,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,{\i1}I just want you to know it's my fault.{\i0}
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.42,0:03:47.10,Default,SHIN,0,0,0,,{\i1}I'm sorry. Forgive me.
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.77,0:03:51.47,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}I wonder why he won't tell me anything...{\i0}
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.47,0:03:53.92,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,{\i1}Is there a reason why he won't tell me?{\i0}
- From a nitpicky standpoint, starting five lines in a row with the same letter is bad.
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.71,0:03:59.09,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,You've taken your bandages off already?
- Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.09,0:04:01.17,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,Your neck must be enjoying the cool air.
- And starting them off with the same word (You) is worse.
- Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.59,0:04:46.10,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,Would he be {\i1}too{\i0} busy studying for exams?
- If you took enough time to italicize that, you should have taken enough time to read the whole line and figure it needs a rephrase.
- Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.54,0:05:08.12,Default,GIRL,0,0,0,,It'd be nice if you'd come...
- It would be nice if you would come? Really?
- Try changing the second to a "could".
- Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.04,0:05:39.23,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,I see. Well, there's nothing we can do about that.{go kick his ass}
- Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.23,0:05:43.19,Default,WAKA,0,0,0,,Well, let's end this conversation for now.
- Well/well. Again, you repeat yourself. It's fairly common throughout this release, and it's piss-poor writing.
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.37,0:06:03.08,Default,SAWA,0,0,0,,Let's start with the rockets!
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.08,0:06:04.63,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,Hey, Sawa-senpai,
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.99,0:06:08.02,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,why should we start with the rockets?
- Why is your script so fucking dull?
- "why should we light the rockets first?"
- Don't just repeat shit whenever you can. Lazy, lazy, lazy.
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.02,0:06:11.65,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,Aren't they supposed to be used at the end?
- Try "lit".
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.39,0:06:19.14,Default,SAWA,0,0,0,,Maybe we can set up some\Nsparklers around the rockets...
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.14,0:06:21.06,Default,MINE,0,0,0,,That's dangerous.
- More like "That would be dangerous."
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.50,0:06:27.08,Default,TOMA,0,0,0,,I thought my coworkers invited \Nme to a fireworks show...
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.08,0:06:29.82,Default,TOMA,0,0,0,,I feel like I'm only here to babysit.
- Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.82,0:06:31.41,Default,TOMA,0,0,0,,I wonder why...
- I/I/I < wwwwww
- Change the second line to "But I feel like all I'm doing is babysitting."
- You can tell why that's better, right?
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