I'm Thankful

I'm a day early for PasteBin Monday, but I don't care.  I want to write this now.

A lot of people have seen me complain about how crappy my two current laptops are.  Half of them probably think I'm never happy with anything - and that simply isn't true.

Have you heard me complain about anything *other* than these laptops lately?  You haven't?  That's because that's about the only complaint I've actually *got* at the moment; it's the last thing I need to push for to get the full stream quality I know everybody wants me to have.  That's seriously what it is.

The fact of the matter is that I'm actually rather happy with everything *else* in my life at the moment.  And I woke up today after getting a particularly good night of sleep, feeling very thankful for that.

So let me take a moment to voice a few things I think we all need to be reminded of; we're going to put things in perspective.

* I have a dance pad thanks to you guys.  I love it, and my father helped me build a stage and bar for it.
* I own a very nice mic.  It works beautifully.  You guys helped me get it as part of one of my special, and I appreciate it.
* The headphones I have, which Youkai got off my wish list for me, are amazing.
* The new webcam (the Logitech) which I purchased on my own is very good; I like it a lot.
* I'm not looking to replace my capture card, either.  I have a Dazzle HD, and I don't see a reason to go higher for the moment.
* The mechanical keyboard is still working beautifully.  And it's had coffee spilled on it lately, did I tell you that?  Cleaned it, let it dry out, and it's still functioning correctly.
* The TV is still working beautifully.  And it fits perfectly on top of my dresser.  It's a 32" 1080p LCD, by far the nicest screen I own.  It's capable of everything it needs to do, with composite & component and HDMI all being options.  I'm not looking for a bigger one, and part of the reasoning, aside from being happy with this one, is that if I went bigger, it would no longer stand on my dresser and would have to be mounted on my wall - and I like being able to take my TV wherever when needed.  (My father's the one who keeps looking for a bigger TV for the living room.  I think he's up to 64" 4k right now?)

I'm also happy with my life situation.  I don't think many people can say that.  Sure, I live with family; I live with my dad and stepmom, as well as my sister.  But you know something?  I'm not hurting for rent money, I pay them a flat, unchanging rate every month to hold my place here.  I don't have to work for my father if I don't want to, that was part of my rent agreement.  I appreciate that because I don't like to paint; it's boring.  And as long as I keep what few actual appointments I make (dental, doctor, whatever), they don't care when I sleep; they understand my lifestyle.  I've lived before in households where you have to be awake and/or asleep by a certain hour because the house works like clockwork to some degree, and I'm thankful that isn't the case here.  I'm also finally fixing my dental problems so I can have a nicer smile, which I also appreciate.

And then there's Twitch.  My viewers.  I love and appreciate you guys.  A stream is nothing without those who watch it.  You guys make me what I am.  You guys are what drive me to keep streaming, whether it's speedgaming or casual play.  Sometimes you donate money or gift me Steam games, and those things are cool and very much appreciated, but not necessary.  You guys don't *have* to watch, and you don't *have* to do anything for me.  I realize you could just as easily go elsewhere, and spend money on others, or yourself.  So every time you choose me, I'm grateful.

You cannot fathom the thankfulness I actually possess many days, although especially today.

Sure, I want that new laptop, but let's face it, outside of that, everything else could be so much worse than it is.  I've gotten far in the last two years equipment-wise; most of my other equipment has seen upgrades, my follower count is growing, and what I have still works insofar as it's capable - none of the equipment I'm currently using is legit malfunctioning or broken.  I've *had* a laptop suddenly just stop working on me before, so I know what that's like.  I've lived in a house where I've been treated like trash, so I know what that's like, had to work jobs I hate, so I know what that's like.  (That was also a house where I lived on the third floor, in a tiny, sweltering room, with no air conditioning.  It was unbearably hot in that room every single day.)

As I sit here this morning, I realize I sit here relatively pretty.  When I lived in Lawn, we didn't have internet, I had just the one primary laptop, no other equipment, and my life situation was absolutely a disaster.  We couldn't keep up with the bills, and my entire monthly earnings were going to the rent; I had literally NO spare money, ever.  We lived in the middle of nowhere, many miles from anything or anyone I knew or cared about.  It was my father who saw this and decided I deserved better.

When my father made that offer to me to move in with him, things began changing for the better.  I'll remind you that HE'S the one who bought my capture card.  HE'S the one who helped me get started again on dental work - helped me find a dentist and get myself off the ground with that again.  HE'S the one who helped me build the stage for my dance pad.  I don't work for him, but I appreciate him every day of the week.  I would both literally and metaphorically not be where I am today if it wasn't for him.

And then I started streaming.  I started with, and still have, hopes and dreams.  You guys have been very supportive.  A lot of those likely to read this paste are on Twitter, but not on my Discord; you only see the announcement-type stuff and opinions I decide to tweet, so you don't see the day-to-day conversations I have with those who hang out with me on Discord.  I get a lot of advice, thoughts, and opinions from my Discordians, and it helps me determine what directions I think I ought to go in.  If I get frustrated, they give me encouragement and help bring me back around.  Seriously, if you *only* follow me on Twitter, you're getting maybe 15% at best of the goings-on at large, and don't have anywhere close to the entire story; Discord is where most of the magic happens.

I've been in far worse situations, as mentioned above, and that's what has helped teach me to be as appreciative as I am of where I am today.  I'm only human; sometimes I'll get frustrated, lose my focus, forget important things, as anyone else occasionally does.

But this day, nothing has been forgotten.

I am thankful for the people and things that I have, and that I am at any speed advancing toward better.