"Did I clean all of the rooms? Did I prepare enough food for everyone? Am I dressed nice enough?" So many questions going through my head, and before I have enough time to process one, another one comes to bother me. "Maybe you should change dresses, I heard May and her kids are going to be dressed in blue floral pattern sundresses."
It's just a family reunion, there's no need to panic and try to scare myself. I'll be fine. I just need to breathe, and everything else will come naturally. I take a breath, and start heading downstairs.
I can hear my grandmother and my mother laughing in the kitchen, telling stories of the past. I hear the sound of kids running in and out of the house, screaming playfully and laughing without any worry. I hear my uncle and two unfamiliar voices outside around the side of the house talking about what their plans are going to be for the summer.
Everything is fine. Everyone is having a good time, seeing old friends or catching up with their relatives. Acting completely natural. Why can't I just turn a switch and all of these small worry some thoughts would just go away? If only it were that easy. I reached the bottom of the steps and move to the kitchen. I'm greeted by big smiles and hugs from everyone I pass. "How have you been? You haven't changed much at all!" is one of the very common phrases I've been hearing today. I guess nothing new has really happened since last year.
I just work on my art and take care of my animals, a really calm life. Nothing too complicated about it at all. The most I do outside of my home is spend time with my brothers and watch movies with them and listen about their day. Sometimes they just got back from a work trip and I get to sit for a couple hours and be in their shoes. I remember we used to always hide whenever family parties started and they were able to get away with it so casually, while I was always worried about getting some sort of punishment. In the end, nothing bad ever happened. I wish I had moved in with them, or maybe tried to of gotten in the same line of work as them. I probably wouldn't of had to participate in this reunion.
What's the point in being so nervous? It's not like they're going to attack me if I answer something wrong. I guess this is what I get for constantly overthinking the little things.
As I look around the room, looking at everyone's happy faces, talking about whatever comes to mind without any concern. Why can't I be more like them? Maybe they actually go through trouble themselves, but are just really good at hiding it. The point of a reunion is to enjoy yourself, and to reconnect with your family, is it not? I then wonder whether steeling my nerves and faking what I consider to be proper behavior is worth the stress, or is it better to choose freedom? I take a deep breath and decide that my personal well-being is more important than keeping up with societal pressures. I walk past the people, hoping that my choice to leave wouldn't be noticed.
 I head out the door, drove home, and cuddled up in my room to watch television for awhile. This felt better. I didn't have to stress myself over anything, I greeted a few people and left. I'm sure some people didn't notice at all, since I was always the quiet one. I pick up my phone and call my brothers to tell them about my day. They laughed about the fact that I told them that I wished that I could be more like them.
"You're fine as you are" he said, with a calm tone. "Now, let me tell you about the day I had where I forgot that we had a family reunion." We both laughed, and I was able to sit and listen and be in their shoes for awhile once again.