Since when we chat on Xfire, I get ignored all the time, I decided to write my thoughts in a .txt, that way you actually read this entire thing. I didn't want to write this but I have no choice... this is my last chance to freaking change things to save our relationship.

I know what happened as Riley was extremely wrong, and I know for a fact that you still "hate" me for it, you haven't let go of anger for me, you hate what I did, you call Riley bad names, without realizing that was actually me. This makes it hard to fix our problems because you bring out that anger every time, but I'm going to try once more.

Everytime I try to fix a problem for us, you reject the fix. Usually it's because your entire life, your sister tried to fix "problems" with you, but instead flaming you after and turning you into a bad person. That's kind of what you do to me after I try to fix, you flame me and turn me into a bad person. Honestly when I try to fix a problem, sometimes I'm wrong, you know? I try to fix a problem that doesn't exhist, or I just cause a fight for no reason, it's a habit of mine and I need to stop it. I'm going to list a lot of things that are truly affecting me and they need to stop to save our relationship. Lately the problems have been affecting me worse and worse.

1. You've lost a lot of communication with me, before you'd tell me everything, now I find out crucial things the last second, and you don't realize how that affects me.

2. You flame me in a fight, and I apologize for it. You realize you did wrong, and instead of admitting it or fixing it, you dump me.

3. When I'm sick or not feeling right, you get mad at me for leaving early and guilt me about it later.

4. If I don't like what you like or if I don't do what you want to do, you flame me, flame the things I like, try to force me harder using reverse psychology, which I notice, don't think I just sit here listening to you saying cool things about a server passively with cute happy smileys and think "Hey that sounds cool :D" because I know you're tricking me into it.

5. You are "naive" in a way, not as an insult, but saying that you see a lot of truly disgusting or immoral and evil things as "cute" or "alright." I in no way hold grudges towards you for anything I list or have listed, but things such as taping Sarah's breasts down, going over to their house with no parent and a strange girl as they do your makeup (which isn't as bad but it makes me feel uncomfortable and you should consider that), being a solo pornstar (which means you're pleasuring thousands of men more than me), RPing at night after I sleep (makes me feel uncomfortable, not paranoid), and so many other things.

6. You dump me without a single care for me, which honestly? It makes me feel like I'm Danielle. You can just get rid of me and hate me after despite doing anything wrong, you get a bit depressed, then move on with life and talk about me to your next lover and your bad memories with me and how I was a dick. If that's so then that really hurts.

7. You dump me instead of facing a problem. This hurts so much, you have no idea. Instead of admitting to something, trying to fix an issue or changing a lifestyle for our well being or future, you dump me like I'm some sort of object.

8. You promise to change all the time but you don't later, making it harder for me to change for you when you want me to. (despite the fact that you rarely ask me to change)

9. The lack of communication seriously affects me the most. I'm typing seriously right now so I seem as neutral and normal as possible, but deep down I feel so much hurt and loss. You promise over and over, but you never truly communicate with me. No matter how hard I try, you always give super short answers to giant questions, such as "alright, idk, nothin, nothing, cool, sure, right, fine." You show less effort into wanting to fix things or chat about problems than me, you might hate my ";o" answer, but that's just because I'm lazy, I don't use it to avoid problems. Right now I have a much better reason to hate your short answers than you do to hate my ";o," which I have stopped using a lot less lately.

10. When I ask questions, usually big ones that WILL in fact end an argument, you don't answer them. You play this weird "game" that expands the argument tenfold, and causes us to fight more. I end up FORCING the answer out after asking you thousands of times. Instead I get questions as an answer, or you reply with a "I'm breaking up." I mean... you would REALLY, honestly break up with me rather than answer a simple question? Do you not realize what that shows? I can go to anybody I know and tell this scenario to and they will think that I should just break up with you right away. But I won't, I fix problems, I'm not you or my grandmother who runs away from them, and I never will be.

Yea I know there's 10 problems, I don't know why it came out even. Since you twist everything around so much and you actually "see" my words as actual insults, just know that they're NOT insults. I'm telling you what you do in detail so you can read what you do, one by one, hopefully you read them through and realize what you actually do to me and us. Instead of seeing "Since you twist everything around so much" as an insult, maybe think that you do twist things around? It's never an insult or attack if it's true.

I really pray to whatever's out there as hard as I can and just hope to myself and beg that you change after this... I honestly can't figure out what to do now, you refuse to change anything for me, you refuse to get your GED or a job, you don't care to meet me soon, you just....I don't know, just know this. If I really wanted to insult you and if I really was like Ashley who pointed out your faults, I'd have dumped you coldly long ago, but I haven't. My love is too strong for you and we have too much going for us to just end this.

I want to change this, I want you to change yourself for me and push yourself so we can meet and so you can have money. I have plenty of things I need to change, which I'm working on. Just know I have sacraficed so much for you. I go to bed late to chat with you and I wake up super early, every freaking morning. I feel like shit when I wake up, it takes an unimaginable amount of force to get up, and I feel so awful, yet I think it's worth it, because I make you happy. But do you really want me to abuse myself to make you happy? If you really loved me, you'd want me to feel good and you'd tell me to sleep early from now on, which I hope you do because staying up late is fun, but waking up and being awake is hell.

Just know that I love you with all my heart, I'd die for you, I want to grow old with you, I want to have all my faith and trust in you and I want to make you happy and pleasure you sexually and take you places. But in order for our dream life to happen, you HAVE to change these 10 things, please. I'm begging you to change, for me, for the sake of our relationship and our future. I've tried for 8 months to change things, hopefully this is the one note/letter/etc that does the trick. Just know that I'm dedicated to changing things, this isn't just some asshat stunt I'm pulling, I cry at night because I don't know what to do, I go to my dad and grandma for help (when I usually keep our lives 100% private, this is usually a last resort) and yea they gave advice on two things but it doesn't help. It's not me who has to change you, it's YOU. And you're not changing things that are good, you're changing things that affect me greatly, and maybe you too, I'm not sure.

This is the end of this note, and I only have one last thing to say. Do you want to have the best damn future available? With a lover who spoils you rotten, pleasures you mentally and physically, will always be there for you no matter what you do to him, and who will grow old with you and help you with your future? Or would you want to date online for another whole 12 months? Play games those 12 months and head further down the road to a worse off future, end up losing me to the lack of physical contact with you, and then you have nobody who will do anything for you. Can you really imagine me out of your life? If I imagine you out of mine I just see an eternal black hole, sucking away at my soul and everything I have. I cannot live without you, not out of desparation, but because I have so much good things planned for you and I. I love you Jennifer, please help me and just change...