Thread 25: Stories 61-75

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NC
>Applejack
"SA"
'Celestia'
~~~~

>Hey, Tia? Had a question...

"Hee hee! It's so soft and marshmallowy!"

'Yours is all springy!'

"Look at this, I leave little hoof prints!"

'Yours tenses up some muscles all the way to the back!'

"I feel like I could sleep on this and have the best pillow ever!"

'It wouldn't have the lumbar support yours does!'

>...Nevermind.

*SLAM!*

"...I can't believe that worked."

'Face it, I'm brilliant.'

"You can stop rubbing my ass now."

'Yes, but where's the fun in that? I'm hoping Chrysalis walks by next.'
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>56
"SA"
'Celestia'
~~~~~

>NOBODY RUBS SUNPLOT EXCEPT FOR ME, EVEN IF YOUR OWN IS KIND OF NICE LOOKING! HAVE AT THEE!

*BLOOP!*

>Aah! A shield designed specifically for repelling my species, my one weakness!

"We were just-"

'Shhhh, shush Shiny. Shush and rub my booty some more.'

"But what about-"

'Make him watch.'

>NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

'This is for stealing my good thong!'

>I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS!
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So freaking non-canon.

>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘???’
~~~~~

>Celly, got a minute? There’s somethin’ Ah wanted to ask… buuuuut that can wait 'til ya explain jus’ what in Starswirls’ beard yer’ doin’ there….

“I take it you mean this swirling vortex of mystical energy I've conjured up?”

>No, Ah mean the low calorie lava cake on yer’ table. Y’all know full well that low cal’ tastes like utter horse shit.

“Wiser words have yet to be spoken, dear.”

>But now that that's outta the way, get on with explainin' the vortex.

“Well, ever since bringing forth my special gun that Spike, bless his scaly hide, basically stole, modified, and kept for himself, I've been curious about what other things I might be able to bring from that universe.”

>Then allow me to exercise mah element and say off the bat that this sounds like a terrible idea. Like something the beetle would come up with.

“Low blow, dear.”

>Ya didn’t deny it, though.

“I’d be hard pressed to, considering all I’ve retrieved so far are these weird latex things here. See? Stretchy, but narrow. It’s purpose confuses me.”

>Maybe ya fit it over a pole…?

“Perhaps. And look at this here hat. I’ve yet to see a design like it, even from a pair of creative hooves like Rarity.”

>…Ah’m gettin’ a bad feelin’ about this, Celly. Y'all should close it.

“Come again?”

>Said close it, close the vortex before whatever owns this stuff comes sniffin’ ‘rou-

The vortex flashed a brilliant hue of purple and deep iris, and from its center there began to emerge a creature that neither mares had a name for.

But it was tall, about level with Celestia, and bipedal, standing on its back legs and layered with clothing.

The initial shock rendered both princesses stunned, paralyzed even, left with no other option but to watch as this creature fully stepped forward, using a pair five-pronged hoof-things to pat itself down.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

‘Okay, status check. Skin not seared, eyes still work, can hear just fine, legs function- well hot damn, besides the singed nostril hairs, I think it actually worked!’

The strange creature from beyond the void, apparently male from the timber of its voice, glanced up and at the two shellshocked mares.

He extended a ‘hand’, smiling.

‘Greetings, Princess Celestia, Princess Applejack, I’m Ano-’

“AAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

>AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”

‘…Um, well, if I can just have a word-’

“BURN IT BURN IT BURN IT!”

>AAAAAAAHWITHWHAT?

“FUCK IF I KNOW! BUCK IT THEN!”

>RIGHT!

And quicker than the human could follow, Applejack charged forward, spinning her rear around for a chest-cracking kick at his midsection-

‘UFF!’

-one that sent him reeling back through the vortex.

“FIRE IN THE HOLE!”

A stick of dynamite wrapped in Celestia's magical grasp was tossed in after the human and both mares simultaneously ducked seconds before a castle-rumbling explosion went off, one that was effortlessly contained within the infinitely expanding portal.

“…”

>…

“So. Never again, yes?”

>Ah told ya. Ah told ya from the beginnin’, Celly. This is all yer fault.

“Feels good hearing that after so long, I must say….”

>…Where’d ya get the dynamite from?

“Swiped it from the Gun Clubs quarters. If Spike can commandeer my weapon, I can borrow a few of their supplies as well.

>Ah. Well. Fair’s fair, Ah suppose.

“Indeed.
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NC continuation:

Fluttershy holds up a long red cylinder, a faint blush showing through her yellow fur as she looks between it and the nondescript bipedal creature clutching at his chest. The mare listened to the gentle hiss of the object and couldn't help but imagine the... l-lewd... things that could be done with it, especially in the hands of the creature desperately gasping for air beside her.

>Anon, are high-yield explosives your fe--

BOOM
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>18
"Poindexter"
~~~~~

>... Huh, if I can use my disguise magic to smell like someone, can I taste like someone too?... Can I taste like other things? Have I been sitting on the ability to literally offer Shiny some candy va-

*SLAM!*

"What's a guy like me got to do to get with a girl like you?"

>Me, specifically? Reveal yourself to have been Shiny from the future, but you got sent back in time accidentally and disguised yourself. Finding no way back home and not wanting to take Cadence away from present you, you decided to go after the poor, hardworking Changeling who wanted future you and fulfill that dream she has every night, and in every position depicted therein.

"..."

>But if you just meant 'an intellegent, hardworking, beautiful, sassy, oh so fun and oh so amazing mare'? I'd say hit the gym, get a nice steady job and go get some spine. You slammed in the door asking, so we're off to a good start, but you kind of shriveled up when I started talking, major turn off. Mares like me want a guy who can last, after all.

"...I uh... okay, this is going to sound really, really pathetic..."

>Yes. It does, but in the hopes of raising your confidence juuuust a touch, I promise not to laugh unless I genuinely feel what come out of your mouth next deserves it.

"...I was going to see if... if Mane-Iac wanted to go out on a da-"

>PFFFTHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA-....

"..."

>...Oh sweet greenspit you're serious. Oh no, no no no, Poindexter don't. Don't you do it.

"You really think I don't have a shot?"

>Okay, let's ignore for a second that she has the mind of someone who walked out of a comic book for seven year olds and does not understand sex, Chrysalis would kill you. She would. Death. Via bug laser.

"She that protective?"

>Via. Bug. Laser.

"Shoot... ahhh, it's just, I always had this crush on her when I was a kid, I'd take her book and-"

>And you are going to stop that right now or I will make you stop with the bug lasers I also have.

"...Eh, thanks for being straight with me."

>You'll find someone, Poindexter, there's someone out there for everybody!

"Really? Even you?"

>...Okay, rephrasing what I just said. Go out there and find that somebody for you, now, right this second and you cling tightly when you find them, because there is every chance you will come into their life far, far too late, and the one pony you want to be with so much it hurts will be with someone else and you can't do anything about it and you wouldn't want to if you could because that will hurt them and you can't bare the thought so you keep doing work andohsweetloveWHYYYYYYYY

"...You okay?"

>YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"...I'm... I'm gonna go, thanks for the pep talk."

>YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

*SLAM!*

"...That mare has issues... I can still hear her..."

>yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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>Suckerpunch
"41"

We join our two heroes having just exited a showing of 'Antlers of Fury: The Moose Lee Story'. 41 in particular looks particularly excited, while her pegasus companion is more amused by her enthusiasm.

"Moose fucking Leeeee~!"

>I love that movie.

"Wa-ta~!"

The changeling strikes a rather ridiculous martial arts pose in front of Suckerpunch.

>Snrk...

41 proceeds to flick the guard's nose in rapid succession.

"One inch punch! Two inch punches! Three inch punches!"

>Wait, what?

"What?"

>The One Inch Punch doesn't work like that.

"Huh?"

>It's a punch from the distance of one inch.

"Yeah, an Inch Punch!"

>No no, say all of it, One Inch Punch.

"Yes."

She boops him again.

"Ooooone Inch Punch!"

>No no no. It's-are you messing with me?

"Are YOU messing with ME?"

>I'm not sure.

"Me either."

>...

"..."

They laugh and keep walking down the street.

"I feel like getting boozy, wanna go to a bar?"

>I feel like getting smashed too, but there's only one problem.

"What?"

>After our little adventure last time, we're personas non gratas at that bar and a lot of the other ones around the city.

"Then we'll find one that will serve us!"

>That could take all night.

"Then let's just buy some booze and retire to your quarters!"

>What!?

"Those shitheads in the ballroom are NOT getting any of my alcohol, I am embargoing them until they knock it off with their gambling on me!"

>I thought you put a stop to that.

"Portable. Blackboard."

>The fiends. But the guys in the quarters will give me all kinds of hell if I don't share either.

"Then let's get smashed in the gardens and hope no one finds us!"

>...y'know what? Screw it, I'm in.

"That's the spirit! C'mon!"

>Liquor store's that way.

"I KNEW THAT!"

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"Quicksilver Sash"
'Steam Gauge'
-Photographer-

---

-Alright. Line up, don't smile.-

'These photo's don't seem necessary.'

-They're needed for I.D within the Equestrian Guard.-

'Whatever.'

-Alright, look forward... Hold. Good.-

~Flash~

-Done. Quick and painless. Go grab your friend, the cute one.-

'*Snigger* Ha. Yeah, alright... Yo, Sash! You're up, girl!'

"SHUTUP! And O.K!"

-Right. Sit there please, Ma'am.-

"...I'm a guy."

-Sure. Sit, please.-

"I'm sitting!"

-Alright, so, look forward, and don't smile.-

"Not smiling."

-You look like you're smiling.-

"I am not!"

-Ma'am, please stop arguing.-

"I'm not a girl!"

'You do look like one.'

"Not helping!"

-Alright, hold....-

~Flash~

-Good, done.-

"That was more painful than it needed to be..."

'That aint what you said last night.'

"Dude!"

'Sorry, couldn't resist.'

"...You're such an arse."

'Yup.'

"Does this mean we're official guards now?"

'Probably not. Just that we're in official training.'

"Just as good, I guess."

'Not really. I hear one of the tests is a test of masculinity. So you're not gonna pass that any time soon.'

"Dick! Why am I friends with you."

'Because I'm awesome.'

"Pft, let's go back to the barracks, I need a spotter on the weights bench."

'You never gain any muscle though.'

"Shutup! I do too!"

'Tell that to the bodacious curve of your arse.'

"...S-shutup!! Celestia, I hate you."

'No you don't.'

"...No, but I want to."
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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
~~~~~~~

>...Is something bothering you, one who wields spells with as much fervor as she wields thine own tongue and ego?

"He's asking if you need something in the sexy talk, Trixie."

'The Great and Wise Trixie understands! She understands better than you because she is Brilliant and Clever! But Trixie must inquire, if only for others sake... are you two going to be here all day!?'

"Uh, yes? This is our job, Trixie. I am still mayor of this town, I have to actually DO mayor stuff."

'Then why is he here!?'

>I am her assistant, which often translates to 'does her mayor stuff'.

'But... this is boring!'

"Tell me about it. But still, last time I fell into that trap, I had a road that went off a cliff that ponies almost got launched out of INSIDE THE TOWN. Probably better to just do my job."

>Or make me do her job.

'...'

>Oh for the love of... go hand out with Zecora if you're so bored!

'She's not as fun! We go skydiving and stuff when it's with you!'

>Zecora can be fun.

'...'

"...Awww, you're still bitter she taught Twilight how to beat you, aren't you?"

'I am not.'

>Wait, what is this?

"You're just soooo mad that she tricked you out of that super-evil thing."

'THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE NEEDS NO ALICORN AMULET!'

>Who with the what is this now?

"You maaaaaaaad!"

'THE GREAT AND AMAZING AND POWERFUL AND SPECTACULAR TRIXIE IS NOT MAD! I WILL PROVE IT!"

*SLAM!*

"Thank Celestia! Now lets get back to work and file these stupid things."

>...So are we going to fill me in or-

"Don't worry about it."

>I feel like I should-

*WHUMP!*

"FILE!"
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>42
"Brain"
~~~~~

>BRAIN HELP!

"Oh dear love you're coming to me for help. This is bad."

>Hey! I use you!

"You do not. You use hoof more than you use me."

>You are a vital link in hoof's capabilities, I will have you know!

"Technical speak doesn't work on your own brain."

>Look, I just... okay, let's get back on topic. I need a solution to a problem.

"And that problem isssss?"

>I may have shown slight signs of weakness when Shiny said Applejack got him and all of us tickets to Partyland.

"By that you mean?"

>By that I mean that, at some point, I may or may not have started picturing Shiny in the tunnel of love.

"Oooooo, that's not good."

>...With Cadence...

"Oh! I get it, you just got a case of the sads because Shiny wouldn't go with-"

>I was there too... between them.

"..."

>I KNOW, RIGHT!? Is subconscious trying to tell me to get between them!? I DON'T WANT TO GET BETWEEN THEM! I don't want to break them apart! Shiny loves Cadence, she makes him so happy and lovey! And I don't care what her Majesty says, Cadence deserves someone like Shiny! She's nice, and forgiving, and understanding, and damn it she's the Princess of Love! I don't want to break them up!

"Uhhhh..."

>DON'T YOU UH ME!

"Look, what do you want me to do? Just don't do breakup-shiny-and-caddy stuff and you should be golden, right? Not much more complicated than that."

>...I mean, I guess...

"Hey, you wanted brains help? That's what brain is saying. Don't do 'come between Cadence and Shiny' stuff."

>...Okay, yes, this is a reasonable request that is well within my capabilities to achieve, and I thank you for your assistance in this matter.

"Seriously?"

>IT'S HOW I COPE LOVE-DAMN YOU!
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
'Twilight'
~~~~

>HAH! Damn, I look good! Shake it!

'Chrysalis? I was looking for-GAAAAH!'

"Give Celestia back her lingerie."

>NEV- wait, how did you know these were hers?

'STOP SHAKING YOUR ASS!'

"You kidding? Minute she bought them years ago she called me into her room and was like "HOLY SHIT I FOUND A PAIR THAT FITS!", danced around the room for a solid hour."

>No fucking way does this fit now. Look at this! Look at how it's stretching at the corners!

'NO I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK AT THAT!'

"Yeah, they haven't fit in a while. But she still likes them. You know how hard it is to get a pair with a little sun that matches her cutie mark?"

'NO I DO NOT AND I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!'

>Fine, okay, I understand and sympathize. You know how hard it is to find a pair that matches my chitin's tone?

"Actually, yeah. 18 has described in full the tribulations of such an act."

'SHE WON'T STOP JIGGLING!'

>Still, you must've got quite the show back in the day.

"Oh, I did."

'WHAT!?'

>Seriously?

"Yeah. This was back in the 'see if I can make Shiny flip out' days, so she went all out trying to make me flinch. Told me to smack her ass to test the tensile strength. Of course, being her loyal soldier, I had to follow an order like that. I think she liked it, if the sudden increasing of the temperature in the room was any indication."

'...THE IMAGE IS IN MY BRAAAAAAAAAAAIN!'

>Aww, why don't you ever do stuff like that for me? I feel unloved.

"Well, she doesn't try to get under my 'Shining Armor' when I do it, if you catch my drift."

>I can show restraint!

"You know what? Fine."

*SMACK!*

'ARE YOU SERIOUS!?'

"Feel better?"

>Oooo, yeah... do it again.

"Blew it."

>I'd love to blow something, alright.

'EWEWEWEWEWEW'

"But being serious for a second, go give them back."

>...FIIIINE!

"...Twili? You okay?"

'GHLKGHLKGLHSHLL!'

"...That is a LOT of foam."

'GLRKL!'
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>???
“Blueblood”
‘Guard’
__________

All in all, it could be considered a bump up from his usual prison, the dragon hadn’t been lying about that. At thrice the size, it also included a swimming pool, bath, kitchen- hell, might as well have been a house.

A house that had guards stationed at every conceivable exit.

Yeah, out of the box and into a cage.

He was no more mobile here than he was down in the cells with 32. If it weren’t for the guards checking in on him every twelve hours, and subsequently cooking, he would have perished a long time ago, forgotten and filled with more regret than he could handle.

‘Oi, Blueblood, you in here? A letter from Canterlot c- oh for fucks sake, what the hell is this?’

The will to move hadn’t been strengthened since his plunder down-under. In fact, with the lose of Arana, he’d felt even less inclined to do anything, which would explain why he was currently stretched out on a couch of white suede, mane still straggly, eyes still sunken, and looking as though in serious need of a hay burger.

“I’m resting.”

‘You’ve been ‘resting’ for Celestia knows how long now.’

“I’m tired.”

‘How so? You haven’t done a damn thing.’

“Of living.”

‘…’

“But my problems are mine own. What’s that in your hoof? A letter?”

The guard remained silent in his observation of the prince, then he set the envelope down on the table. It was already opened, of course.

‘It’s kinda sad, seeing what you’ve become. You’ve always been an annoying asshole, make no mistake, but back then… at least you stood for something. Do you even have a reason to be anymore…?’

The door closed behind the guard with that same old ‘click’. It resonated about the room and into Blueblood’s skull yet he still didn’t reach for the letter until four hours later.

The sender was….

“…”

A spasm of energy overcame his hooves and he quickly discarded the envelope and unfolded the piece of parchment within, eyes narrowing against every word:

>Dear Blueblood,

>I hope this letter finds you well. As a guard on temporary leave, I know all of your mail is pre-read so I’ll keep this short, for their sakes and yours.

>At first, I wasn’t sure how to respond when the dragon, Spike, came bursting into my house with tales of this excursion into the catacombs below Canterlot. I thought, what does that have to do with me?

>But then he made mention that a stallion was going on my behalf. That a stallion who I’d previously written off as a ‘waste of space and resources’… that his sole reason for going was to protect me and my child from harm…

>I was stunned. I’d seen you about the castle numerous times. Always demanding, always posturing, flinging bits everywhere, just a loud bag of obnoxious wind. It baffled me that someone like you could be royalty when you’d down absolutely nothing to deserve it and was squandering everything that landed in your hooves.

>You’re an idiot.

>But you have my eternal thanks. You put yourself at risk for some guard you barely knew outside of formal meetings and a child that hasn’t even been born yet. Words can’t express my gratitude.

>I still retain the mindset that you’re a spoiled jackass… but you’ll be the first spoiled jackass I let hold my kid when the time comes. You can even put an ear to my belly and get kicked in the face, too, if you get out in time.

>So get rid of those defeatist thoughts. You’re a weakling so you must’ve had your fair share of them. Well, I won’t have it. Pick yourself up and start again, you idiot.

>I’ve got someone I’d like you to meet soon.

>With regards,

>Glimmer

“…”

The letter shook in his hooves and he blinked after a long period of not doing so, eliciting a stream of tears to cascade over his hollow cheeks.

~~~~~

The next day came quickly, along with “check on the idiot to make sure he doesn’t starve” time. The same guard that gave him the letter trotted through the front door, his nose tickling at the delectable scent of food parading through the air.

‘What in the…?’

He took the hallway that led into the kitchen, only to stop dead in the doorway, those previously skeptical eyes widening in surprise.

Blueblood stood before a chalkboard with a slice of toast hanging from his maw. On the table next to him was a full course breakfast, one that he dipped into as he scribbled across the board.

‘…what… who cooked this for you?’

Blueblood downed the piece of toast without turning around.

“I did. Being a noble such as I means vigorous trials in nearly all manners of life. …it’s nothing hard.”

The humility, however small, caused the guard to blink, and his gaze shifted to the chalkboard.

‘And what’re you doing there?’

“Plotting out a path to recovery.”

‘Really….’

“I don’t have a sturdy beginning, or a middle… but I have an ending worth fighting for.”

‘And that would be…?’

Blueblood paused. Only a for a second.

“To hold a certain newborn with my head held high and a smile on my face.”

The guard asked no more questions after that. He only chuckled and left the motivated prince to his work and his food.

‘There may be hope for him yet. Celestia will be pleased.’

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Ohhh, the cold.

She hated the cold. This cold, snowy land. The one she was in what felt like only yesterday. She hated being here.

Good thing she wasn't, really.

"You are becoming desperate, dream walker!" The monstrous Changeling smirked. "You've taken to simply moving me to new locations now? What next? Shall I show you how I fight atop a hill? Beneath the sea? Take me to the moon, I shall battle you there!"

But no response came. None at all. In fact... it felt like there was no 'pull' within her mind at all. She felt it when the dream-walker 'moved' or guided her dreams, but this one felt strangely... untethered. She had dragged her here with seemingly no intention of going any further.

"Do you wish to see me fight in this land? Is that it? You wish to gauge how well I shall fare in a place like this?..."

A mad cackled escaped her lips.

"Very well then! I shall give unto you a secret, hold it most dear! In a land just like this one not very long ago..."

From the snow, the arose like hellish flowers in bloom. Monsters formed of ice and stone, Ursa Majors with coats as white as snow, wolves the size of manticores, and dozens more besides.

"...I was QUEEN!"

As one, they charged, and without a hint of fear, she met them. The battle across the dreamscape was short, brutal, just as it was in the old days, just as it was when... when she...

She blinked stupidly as they all vanished, cast aside. She had not been paying attention, was this the action of the false goddess?

"Chitania..."

Her lungs, just for a moment, froze. The cold upon them melted away as a fury unmatched ignited within her breast, and with a snarling, furious hate in her eyes she turned on the one who had materialized from her subconscious, the brief revery enough to call her forth.

"Variolus."

The sickeningly wide grin was enough to set her mind ablaze. The rival Queen showed no fear, no worry.

Fuck her.

With a hate unmatched in all of Equestia, the Titan dove forward, hoofs and fang flying in a flurry that would have been impossible to see had this existed within the plain of reality. Anything to beat the smug, preening, fucking atrocious venom filled smirk off her face was a good thing, none could tell her otherwise!

Just as in the days long past, she tore the Queen's head from her shoulders, uncaring at the lack of satisfactory gore to accompany it this go round. It was only now, as she held that head in her hoof, that she realized that every moment she had been beating her, Variolus's mouth had been moving.

"All according to plan."

The head shattered like porcelain. Her rage still bubbling over, Chitania cast her eyes upwards.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU WISHED TO SEE!? Did you wish to know the fate of all who stand before me!? Were my words insufficient!? This power is not what makes me strong! I AM STRONG! You false gods rely upon your magic, your crutch! But when one who had my magic stood before me, I arose victorious! AND FOREVER MORE I SHALL! I AM CHITANIA THE TITAN! AND YOU! ARE! NEXT!"

She felt the presence leave her, just like it always had before. She knew when she awoke, she would be under some bridge somewhere, out of breath and angry. But for now, she savored it. Savored in that sweet taste of victory, just a bit longer...

Just a bit longer she could delude herself into thinking she had won.

~~~~~~

Candles blew out in a room far, far beyond where the Queen had slept, a simple burst of magic enough to snuff their flames. In the center, four hooves shakily wobbled as their owner rose to stand.

"Did you find your answers?"

The other occupant in the room sighed in distaste when the one she spoke to shook her head.

"I just have so many more questions... and no way of getting them."

"...Would you like to try again?"

Slowly, Twilight's eyes rose up to meet Luna's, and her mind began to race.

At the moment... she had no answer.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"Dash"
~~~~

>Come on!

"Nope."

>I just want a few recruits, work with me on this!

"Listen, you think I'm not hurting for talented fliers right now? Most of mine are on drugs."

>My airforce sucks!

"Well, your mobile infantry is pretty good."

>...Trade?

"No."

>DAMN!... Fine, whatever, I'll just have to work up a benefit package.

"...Uh, what kind?"

>Oh, you know. Full ride scholarships, excellent references, maybe worm some better pay out of it. Fleetfoot told me you guy's salary, I can top that.

"Well, I mean, the Wonderbolts have prestige..."

>Riiiiight. You know what else has prestige? The prince and or princess of the Crystal Empire as a personal reference on your resume. I'll make that happen.

"..."

>Worried?

"NO! The Wonderbolts have been around for centuries, no way are they going to... are they going to..."

>...

"...I will sick Applejack on you."

>BRING IT!

"CONSIDER IT BROUGHT!"

>My benefits package will make them spin in joy!

"I'll get Applejack to make one that will make them explode just looking at it!"

>I CAN DO BETTER!

"APPLEJACK CAN DO BETTER!"

>OH YEAH!?

"YEAH!"

>OOOOH YEEEEAH!?

"YEEEAH!"

[YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!]

>...
"...Damn it, Bulk."

[...Sorry.]
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘Arana’
[???]
~~~~~

>Aaaaaagh….

“Hm, that sounded like a ‘please help these stupid ponies’ agh, not a ‘please let the paperwork stop’ agh.”

>Close, bit a’ both really.

“Cause?”

>See this big ol’ stack a’ forms here? This one’s about the Chitania toys-

“Oooh… let me guess. They’re pissed off.”

>It’s the exact opposite. Ah’ve got about six hundred complaints, all of ‘em sayin’ they're upset the stores done sold outta the Ultimate Edition Chitania figurines, the ones that come with malleable rear-end.

“…”

>Which means, of course, they hafta settle fer’ the Special Edition, the ones with the sensual growl.

“Of course.”

Applejack facehoofed while Celestia merely sighed.

“And the other pile?”

>Now THOSE are the upset letters and such, wonderin’ why we’re sellin’ toys of a rampagin’ beast like she was a hero.

“So half is for it, and half is against it….”

>Ah need a drink.

A closely-knit orange hat fell onto Applejack’s head.

Her left eye popped underneath, turning a pretty cerise.

>Ah said a DRINK.

‘Drinking’s bad for your health. Take a hat bomb instead.’

“I… Arana, dear, you seem to have something mixed up there.”

>Leave it alone, Celly, just… let it be.

The door suddenly opened behind Celestia and a Changeling came scurrying in, carrying a bottle of apple cider.

[I-I got the bottle you asked f-for, Princess Apple-WHOA!]

*POP*

“EEEK!”

>WOW THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN.

‘…’

[O-OH GOD I AM S-SOOOOO SORRY REALLY I AM PLEASE DON’T KILL ME!]

It wasn’t really AJ13’s fault, even as she tried to stutter her apologies, hooves flailing about. It was more the carpenter to blame, the one who rebuilt Applejack’s office after the attack and left that bit of tile uprooted.

The bit of tile that AJ13 tripped over in her haste to follow her order.

The one that caused her to trip into Celestia and shove the tip of the wine bottle into an area where the sun very rarely shined, even for her.

‘Um... I am a Spiderling and what am I seeing?’

[SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY]

Celestia twitched her nose, her tail whipping, the bottle still firmly in place.

“You know, I can’t even begin to get mad. This is the first time in Mother knows how long that something has been in there. Annnnnnd it’s spilling into me….”

[SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY]

>Long as y’all don’t find it stimulatin’, we’re good.

“Too late.”

Sighing, Applejack set down her pen and moved to the solar princess’s backside. She blinked.

>Yeeeah… Ah’ll go Shiny, that looks pretty wedged in there.

“Appreciated. And while you do, I’ll just enjoy the moment before the time comes to die of embarrassment.”

[SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY-]
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