Out There Somewhere Draft Notes

SIMON
This place is a ghost town, I doubt there’s a motel. Even if there was, I don’t have the money to shell out for too many rooms.
CARNELIAN
What do you mean, you don’t have the money? You bought four pairs of night vision goggles for this trip.
SIMON
(Sheepishly) ...Exactly.

==

does the relationship between the characters feel believable? why/why not?
is the exposition through dialogue natural or heavy-handed?
are the tonal shifts too jarring? is that jarring nature effective or does it detract?
is there enough happening?

- drew isabelle in, evokes beginning of she kills monsters
- kept her interested
- simon is a "super spooky person"
- "i think the characters of simon and carnelian are so distinct and theyre so interesting"
- "SO CUTE" "I WAS LITERALLY LOSING MY MIND"
- opens with spectacle, leading into this story that "appears to really be about friendship with a moment of spectacle!"
- "well utilized with the bait and switch"
- relationship was "very funny." interested in amber.
- "LESBIANS!"
- wants to know specifics of relationship with amber
- "what is the relationship?" "how does amber effect this friend dynamic?"
- relationship between simon and carnelian, but with amber in there. isabelle wonders whether simon and carnelian were together at some point, the "i love you" felt like more?
- carnelian mentioning it was nostalgic to give the hormone injection
- wondered -- is it nostalgic because she used to give simon injections, or is it nostalgic because SHE is on hormones?
- travis agrees
- dynamic between simon and carnelian is "great," the spectacle of the beginning "really drew me in." likes how "the lights come up on simon, and theyre kind of a mess, but theyre really excited." "kind of a kid, but not, because theyre in their mid-20s, but they dont really know what theyre doing."
- energy that isabelle and gabrielle brought to the piece was really good
- "are the tonal shifts too jarring?"
- spectacle at the beginning, gabrielle really enjoyed it. it was "a really fun contrast."
- "this is who simon is, but they have this charismatic performance quality."
- "i love that carnelian called pretty seemingly immediately and simon knew what she was calling to say. theres this immediate understanding."
- "the stage directions would take me out of listening to the dialogue. theyd take me out and then i had to get back in it again."
- felt like a novel, see about making stage directions more concise?
- philip: "remember that we will not hear those stage directions."
- philip: "stage directions are like tuna salad, theres no right or wrong way, a bunch of different ways to do it. but i should remember that i dont have to stage the play."
- unless it is vitally and dramaturgically necessary for something to be a certain way, i dont have to figure it out.
- michele thought my dialogue said everything i needed to know, pointed out carnelians "woah."
- philip: "theres enough happening, but theres almost too much."
- we could use "even less dialogue."
- i "have to put them in the same room." everything can stay the same but they have to be in the same room.
- "I really loved your play, thank you for letting me read Simon, I LOVE them" - Isabelle
- revise these script and pick TEN PAGES, due on beginning of Wednesday's class.

GENERAL REVISION NOTES:
- what are they lacking in their lives? why is it difficult for them to get the thing they want most (outside of mothman)? how can get they get that thing from each other?
- pick the 10 pages you like the least

EXTRA PHILIP FEEDBACK:
-I think you can cut right from the opening image straight to "Are you out of your mind?!"  What do we learn in all that section before the entrance of C that we don't learn elsewhere? To my ears, it seems like we only learn about their fish, which is information that, if necessary, can be folded in somewhere else. Get us to that point of attack. Get us to the conflict. First conflict is C thinking their trip is a terrible idea.

-How is this trip inconveniencing them? I'm missing a sense that there are other things they would both normally be doing if they weren't taking this trip? How is it disrupting their lives? How is it a sacrifice to do this INSTEAD of whatever else they should probably be doing? Give them a life outside this story.

-I really appreciated the totally different energies of your two characters. Very distinct voices.

NOTES FROM ACTORS:
- The first opening broadcast and the conversations with Cheese were charming, on Simon's side, "I wanted them to succeed," both humor and they felt real and relatable
- Simon was passionate
- Relationship with Cheese
- "Sweet, dorky underdog," "really committed to what they're into"
- Characters are "so exciting," curious about how "it seems like it's going too well," what will the conflict be later?
- This was "foreign to me," but "I was along for the ride"
- "I didn't get a very good sense of the connection between the two characters when they came together." too much "I want to do this" and not enough of what was being shown through the actions without being directly stated
- Everyone is a little more coherent

PLOTTING STUFF:
- When not knowing how to move forward, ask "How do I fuck this up?"
- Conflict can be "an act of God"
- "Coincidences can get your characters into trouble, but it can never get them out of trouble"
- "A lot of wild stuff is going on, so a more mundane conflict might balance it out a little"
- Look at Drop-Out webcomic, TJ and Amal
- Reverse-engineer scenes about their insecurities
- Smoke weed?
- High Carnelian thinks you need to be protected
- Carnelian abuse survivor idea congeals with what we know of her, leads to her second-guessing herself
- Weed-induced paranoia nightmare
- Carnelian does not want to be in a God Damn Car
- Abandoned aquarium with dried up frogs and rodents and stuff
- Break into the aquarium and sleep there?
- Carnelian is sick of sleeping in the car
- Carnelian is willing to shell out for a hotel, but Simon insists she does not
- "Hey we need to get out of this car" is a good enough reason
- Abandoned aquarium is a good landmark for their loyal fans
- Evident from the outside
- "Why is there an aquarium in fuckass nowhere where no one lives?" "That's why it's abandoned"
- Autumn leaves on the floor, grimy, some tanks are empty, some are half-full
- Simon is really upset about the abandoned animals, wants to save them all, Carnelian is like You Cannot
- Clean the tanks? Cleaning supplies are probably Around
- An abandoned aquarium frog and Mothman and a trans person have things going on with them symbolically and thematically
- Simon is a recluse and they've been left alone in an environment where they aren't thriving
- Simon wants to take care of Mothman
- Everybody needs to be taken care of
- Boil the mothman-trans-frog stuff to an essence
- "These tanks are not as bad as my apartment,"
- Smaller issues (my room is dirty) --> Bigger issues (I am alone and sad) -- this will naturally bring up Mothman
- Be explicit about it being abuse
- Maybe an "as you know" statement is okay in this case?

WEED
- It's Carnelian's weed
- She smokes semi-regularly
- They've done it before, but it's been a while
- Simon doesn't know where to get weed, "isn't cool enough"
- They smoked more often when they were in undergrad with Carnelian because she Does know where to get weed
- Weed-induced paranoia nightmare: Dig into some insecurities, more visually interesting

QUESTIONS FOR 11/16:
Is there enough happening? Are you interested in what's happening? Does the dynamic between Simon/Carnelian feel authentic?

NOTES FOR 11/16:
- Sounds more wooden than before? Maybe it's just me
- Drew you in: Simon "J-slur" -- interested in who/what that is, Isabelle was really interested in Carnelian/J-slur/Amber, felt like a lot was happening in that scene
- Elizabeth: Really liked discussion they have in the car, "even though they were jsut talking, every sentence revealed something about their character," interested in the mockery. "Each person's actions, especially towards someone who has caused them great harm, is very revealing to who they are as a person."
- Philip -- dialogue DOES flow. He thinks it's "conversational," "I feel such history and rapport with these characters. I feel such a sense of these characters having been close for a long time, in their sayings and their slangs with each other, with the shortcuts they take with each other. It's enjoyable to eavesdrop on them from the way that they talk."
- Isabelle: Tell a lot about their friendship based on how they speak to each other. With the frog scene, when Carnelian is immediately like "No" and Simon has the huge ideas, that was appealing.
- Christa: Their relationship is very authentic. That conversation that they had about J-slur is literally a conversation I've had with Cal/Christa.
- Elizabeth: Literally wrote a line down on a sticky note because it stood out. "All art's the same to someone who doesn't pay attention." "It's so true!" Insights about how people who don't respect art view it. Wondered what kind of art Carnelian does.
- Isabelle: Curious about the teeth thing, wants to learn more about Carnelian's relationships with Amber and J-slur
- Gabrielle: So drawn in when they were talking about this other person. Wants to know what happened. "You could tell that Simon was having a lot more fun with that conversation than Carnelian was, and it took time for them to get that." What's happening with Amber? Wondered why Carnelian doesn't want to answer the phone.
- Christa: Interested in the question of Amber/Carnelian relationship. Seems like Simon also thought it was a really good relationship. Wanted to hear the phone call, that drew Christa out.
- Isabelle: Wants a scene in between with the aftermath of the phone call.
- Philip: Every new scene should be the aftermath of the scene that came before. Interested in ending the scene without the phone call with Amber, but thinks that the next scene needs to address the result of Simon being in the car and hearing the conversation, even when the audience doesn't hear it.
- Elizabeth: "Y'all really comin' after me with these pages." Conversation around the word "abuser" was "very good and delicate, because oftentimes when things like that happen, you don't want to give it that label, even when that's what it is." A "very good show of character, for Simon and Carnelian," but also "very good and realistic dialogue." "When people bring things like that up, it's hard to hear that label when that's not something you ever thought it would be." "When people call it for what it is," there can be an impulse to deflect.
- Isabelle: "The way Simon had to backtrack after they said it" was interesting. "I like that Simon notices that, and they're like 'oh shit,'" Simon kept "going and going and going and it kind of snowballed," and then Simon had to reevaluate. "That felt like something that would actually happen in a conversation like that because you don't know what's going to tip someone off."
- Elizabeth: Had this conversation two weeks ago, with a friend who tried to tell her that the situation is abuse.
- Philip: With any road trip or physical journey, you want the journey to "advent the emotional journey." This is the first scene where both of them go through a journey. Coming to terms with the abuse, and Si's revelation that they don't leave the house and don't have connections. "These things are coming out as a result of the physical journey." Philip thinks the characters are dynamic and it is interesting.
- Christa: There's enough happening and it was engaging.
- Things that took them out/Questions
- Philip: Change spacing format
- Try program "Celtix" for formatting
- Gabrielle: "Oh no, I know what that means" from Carnelian after the frogs could have just been expressed with an "Oh no." Moment when Carnelian was chastising Simon for not thinking things through, when Simon was dejected and quiet, was resolved quickly. This made Gabrielle wonder if they ever clash, especially because this seems like an opportunity for that to happen.
- Philip: Agrees with Gabrielle. Thinks I have the tendency to run away from the conflict. "If you have the tendency to end a scene because it's getting emotionally difficult, push through." See what happens if characters don't apologize. "Keep the things that pacify to the end." "We will forgive these people for not being their best selves" because this is a road trip. Everyone is cranky on a road trip.
- Elizabeth: Design standpoint - seems very difficult to design the aquarium environment. Working with water is difficult.
- Isabelle: "Write your fantasy world," write whatever you've got first, and then you can look back at it and think about it from the perspective of a director or a tech designer.
- Philip: If he was directing it, he might include some radio drama elements spinning off of how it starts. Night Vale type of thing. Radio "noises," sound of water and frogs without seeing them. There are lots of options for how to do something like this.
- Philip: Suspension of disbelief - the aquarium would smell so bad. "It would smell like somebody abandoned Seaworld."
- Christa: How were the frogs alive? Did they crawl into the abandoned tanks, or were they being displayed there, suspension of disbelief around the frogs
- Philip: Didn't make the connection about estrogen and blood clots despite knowing all the relevant information, I could've been clearer about it in Carnelian's line
- Philip: Talking about people who aren't there is natural, but it becomes a lot of talking about things that happened in the past. Make sure to keep the play present tense. If characters are talking about something that happened in the past a tactic to get a thing that you want in the present? Keep your action focused on the present. Example: Simon gestures to a frog and is like "Do you see what I see in its eyes?"
- Elizabeth: Likes phrase "fuckass nowhere"

NOTES FOR GOING FORWARD:
- "Slime mold" as a nickname for J-slur

NOTES FOR GOING FORWARD REDUX:
phone call is mundane
the significant thing isnt the phone call itself, its carnelians anxiety in having the phone call
relationship just took a major step forward in terms of commitment because they live together now
relay to audience that relationship is positive?
simon pushes too hard to get her to open up, carnelian is too closed off, carnelian tells them to shove off
an underlying aspect of it is that simon is hurt that carnelian didnt confide in them because theyre bffs and simon is isolated
simon pulls the car over and is like wtf
carnelian doesnt like this
RADIO. add radio to previous scene so simon can turn it off.
scene ends with one of them leaving to be by themselves
either a splitstage thing or one of them fades out to focus on the other.
“awkward, painful, and long.”
carnelian getting out of the car “speaks to the foundation of their friendship” because she knows simon wont drive away.
maybe simon talks into a voice recorder for part of it.
boundary phrase — “lynx”
simon comes back because its getting dark
simon is like “sorry even if youre not ready we should get in the car i dont want you to get murdered” and carnelian is like “oh NOW youre worried about me getting murdered 🤔"
theyre in the car. its quiet. simon turns on the radio this time.
PROBABLY the route i will go is, they talk about something disarming. its a little forced now
“wet ass pussy” did he not have a phone?
OR theyre out in the middle of nowhere and all they can get is christian rock and they talk about that
and then it ultimately leads into simon apologizing, genuine conversation
strike a balance, have this be A resolution, but dont fully resolve carnelians arc. there should still be places for it to go from here. figure that out tomorrow.
why would you pray to god or jesus when you could pray to mary instead. shes a mom, she gets it, shes changed a diaper
carnelian is like "i dont know why you dropped out of school"
carnelian does NOT talk about ANY of the stuff with amber
"no transition is a good transition"
"shorter, less painful" silence. and simon is just like "i did it again" and carnelian is like "yeah."
keeping the apology short speaks to their friendship
simon -- kind of milquetoast who cant handle confrontation
reference a previous argument that they never resolved?

FIGHT:
- simon turns radio off
- (softly) what the fuck si
- simon pulls over car
- (loudly) what the fuck si
- "whats going on" simon is genuinely sincere and worried, but doesnt realize they are setting this up like a confrontation
- simon is surprised when carnelian reacts more explosively, because it seems disproportionate
- "im your best friend why didnt you tell me"
- "you didnt tell me why you didnt drop out of college"
-