thewalkindude

<thewalkindude368> I had one of those days where I just kind of get depressed and angry at the state of my life
9:01 PM <TalieM> :( no fun, thewalkindude368
9:02 PM TalieM → Talie
9:03 PM <thewalkindude368> Trying to analyze where my life went wrong, and comparing myself to others
9:04 PM <Taki> i don't find comparing myself to others very helpful in recovery or life now
9:04 PM <SecurExplination> nope
9:05 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: Almost 5 months sober by Kelc_9995 http://redd.it/as5nea
9:05 PM New Post to stopdrinking: How? When? Why? by woahnellie11 http://redd.it/as5m7h
9:05 PM New Post to stopdrinking: Giving Up For Lent by meabritt http://redd.it/as5m08
9:06 PM <thewalkindude368> I need to "forgive" certain other people for doing better than me, but I have a really hard time with that
9:09 PM <Taki> why?
9:10 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: 3am don’t know how I’ll function tomorrow by ScottC1987 http://redd.it/as5om1
9:10 PM <thewalkindude368> Because I'm not nearly as successful as I'd like to be, and it feels like they got success handed to them, without them deserving it.
9:12 PM I keep waiting for life to punish them for doing better than me and it never does
9:13 PM <gdriver> what sort of factors are you using to compare yourself thewalkindude368?
9:13 PM <thewalkindude368> This is really 4th step work, but I have a hard time with the whole finding a sponsor thing.
9:13 PM → justalittlegrace joined (justalittle@snoonet.org/user/justalittlegrace)
9:13 PM — ShaleRocksBot welcomes justalittlegrace to the room.
9:13 PM <thewalkindude368> Well, I'm 30, working fast food, single, broke and living with my parents
9:13 PM → Sasha joined (Sasha@irc-l9j.npj.8geo6h.IP)
9:13 PM — ShaleRocksBot welcomes Sasha to the room.
9:14 PM <Taki> you don't need a sponsor to do a fourth step
9:14 PM but i needed one to hold me brutally accountable to myself
9:14 PM ⇐ Guest18712 quit (uid331909@irc-ouh982.pdnd.ta06.cicu03.IP) Quit: Connection closed for inactivity
9:15 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: 62 days... by blooming_violets83 http://redd.it/as5pe0
9:15 PM <Taki> because the 4 step is f'ing painful
9:15 PM <gdriver> u studying walkindude?
9:15 PM <Sasha> Taki Have you worked them all, Taki?
9:15 PM <thewalkindude368> Yeah, I'm going for at least an associates in Computer Science
9:15 PM <Taki> i stopped at 8 with my sponsor
9:16 PM <ShaleRocksBot> (ᵔᴥᵔ) BARK
9:16 PM <random-42> ;pew
9:16 PM <•dry_cycle> ;bef
9:16 PM <ShaleRocksBot> dry_cycle: There was no seal!
9:16 PM random-42: You shot a seal. You have shot 2471 animals in #stopdrinking
9:16 PM <•dry_cycle> fix is in
9:16 PM <Taki> 8/9 i can't do at this time
9:16 PM <gdriver> that's just a random Q, it's not important. I guess, I guess the one thought I wanted to share with you is that for reasons I do't need to bore you with I know, or have known, A LOT of people who are very successful indeed by life's usual standards (esp money) -
9:16 PM and they are SO OFTEN really unhappy
9:17 PM <Taki> and high Sasha
9:17 PM <gdriver> besides, there's this really cool thing called "hedonic homeostasis" - have you heard of it?
9:17 PM <Taki> sorry :/ *hi
9:17 PM <Sasha> Taki High back at you! How are you?
9:17 PM <thewalkindude368> And living with my parents is the best thing for me right now, if only because it makes it so, so much harder to drink
9:18 PM <gdriver> it basically means that happiness is "baked in". So if you, say, got what you currntly think of as a proper job, got a partner, moved out of your parents, etc etc, it's highly likely that you'd be happier....for a short time.....then return to the current level of happiness which you have right now.
9:18 PM <Taki> i am doing ok Sasha , one more day
9:18 PM <justalittlegrace> So, you need it 30 years without dying, you have a job, you have a place to live, and you're sober
9:18 PM Made it*
9:18 PM <gdriver> I've done many things to make money, have made lots of it, blah blah blah. Wanna know what my favourite ever job was?
9:18 PM working at McDonalds. I kid you not.
9:19 PM there are a huge number of studies to support my point
9:19 PM <thewalkindude368> justalittlegrace: Well, sober-ish. I've gone 3 days without drinking. I don't know when I transfer from soberish to actually sober
9:20 PM <gdriver> people whose lives change, for better or worse, in all sorts of ways, after a few months or a couple of years, are at the same level of happiness. This doesn't include, say, solving addiction, cos addiction isn't stable, and tends to get worse and worse.
9:20 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: 1 year today! by nachosmmm http://redd.it/as5rb7
9:20 PM <justalittlegrace> thewalkindude368 progress not perfection my friend
9:20 PM <gdriver> I dunno if those thoughts are helpful, but thought I'd put 'em out there. Mebbe chew on 'em for a few days
9:20 PM <justalittlegrace> And I believe in you
9:21 PM <Taki> but last thing on the 4 step, it helped me uncover/see a lot of character defects in myself which i never knew about before. and knowing these things is helping me be a better person to myself and to others.
9:21 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> You're working towards changing your situation (getting sober, working on a degree, etc.) -- I'd focus more on that and less on waiting for people around you to be "punished"
9:21 PM <gdriver> there's lots of incredibly unhappy people who are married, have v stressful exec jobs, huge mortgages they can't afford, etc. I promise :)
9:21 PM <thewalkindude368> Yeah, I know the trap I fell into last time. The ol' "it's been 11 days, I deserve a reward" trap
9:21 PM <gdriver> yeah, seconded. Working towards making positive changes is HUGE
9:22 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> Some people got success handed to them, some people worked hard for success but it doesn't seem like it, and some people seem successful but aren't. Either way, work on you and not them
9:22 PM <justalittlegrace> From the time I started to address my drinking and cut down to the time I actually got sober for real was probably about six months
9:24 PM <gdriver> agreed
9:24 PM <•dry_cycle> some people get dealt a harder hand in life than others - mental or physical health, addiction, talents, circumstances of birth, whatever
9:24 PM getting angry about it is pointless
9:24 PM <thewalkindude368> At least, I think I'm working on turning my life around
9:25 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: I don’t remember by extrathrowaway222 http://redd.it/as4u9s
9:25 PM <•dry_cycle> my wife was top of her medical school and got so sick she couldnt continue
9:25 PM nearly died many times, was in pain almost all of the rest of the time
9:25 PM to the point where she was literally suicidal
9:25 PM <justalittlegrace> Your presence here tells me that you are working on turning your life around
9:25 PM <Sasha>  dry_cycle How is she now?
9:25 PM <•dry_cycle> still sick but better Sasha
9:26 PM her psych asked her - do you want people to admire you or feel sorry for you?
9:26 PM because you can have either
9:26 PM she chose the former and works every day to overcome her physical limitations
9:26 PM a lot of people in here have been through  hell and back
9:26 PM but we have the choice to overcome our circumstances or wallow in them
9:27 PM resenting others for their success does nothing for you
9:27 PM <Talie> try being *happy* for other people's success
9:27 PM <Sasha> dry_cycle Im glad she's better, I certainly admire her.
9:27 PM <•dry_cycle> damn right Talie
9:27 PM <Talie> it's just as logical, and far better for our mental health
9:27 PM <•dry_cycle> kinda like sobriety - if people have something you want, dont glare at them
9:27 PM ask them how they got there
9:27 PM <random-42> Being a inspiration despite everything is like like my biggest motivation.
9:28 PM Challenges are just things to overcome :)
9:28 PM <•dry_cycle> ;addpoint Talie
9:28 PM <ShaleRocksBot> Talie is now worth 5 in dry_cycle's eyes.
9:28 PM <•dry_cycle> ;addpoint random-42
9:28 PM <ShaleRocksBot> random-42 is now worth 7 in dry_cycle's eyes.
9:28 PM <•dry_cycle> damn right
9:28 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> ;addpoint dry_cycle
9:28 PM <ShaleRocksBot> dry_cycle is now worth 1 in SoberAgoraphobe's eyes.
9:28 PM <thewalkindude368> Being happy for other people's success is hard for me, because I derive self-esteem from being better than others
9:28 PM <•dry_cycle> i like to think that the shit we overcome in life can be used to help people down the line
9:28 PM well then i would suggest working on that thewalkindude368, doesnt sound too healthy
9:29 PM <gdriver> that sounds hard walkindude
9:29 PM <•dry_cycle> sounds  like a recipe for unhappiness - there will always be somebody taller/hotter/richer/faster/smarter
9:29 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> ^
9:29 PM <Talie> nope, I'm the hottest
9:29 PM <•dry_cycle> well obvs Talie
9:29 PM <gdriver> agreed. then afterwards, a la dry, you can use that to help others w a similar problem :)
9:29 PM <•dry_cycle> i meant the rest of us mortals
9:29 PM <Talie> oh well yeah
9:30 PM <gdriver> and I'm the tallest
9:30 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: My first post, 6 months by mr_podunk http://redd.it/as5v0b
9:30 PM <gdriver> or the shortest
9:30 PM — •dry_cycle is the fastest
9:30 PM <justalittlegrace> just tryin to be better than yesterday's Grace
9:30 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."
9:30 PM <•dry_cycle> - Albert Einstein
9:30 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> Ernest Hemingway :)
9:30 PM <•dry_cycle> (1982)
9:30 PM <thewalkindude368> It's really hard for me to say "I'm good enough" when there are people who are better than me. It feels like if I accept myself as not the best, I'm saying it's OK to give up on self-improvement
9:30 PM <random-42> - random-42
9:31 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> It's possible to be both good enough and have room for self-improvement
9:31 PM <Talie> ;addpoint SoberAgoraphobe
9:31 PM <ShaleRocksBot> SoberAgoraphobe is now worth 5 in Talie's eyes.
9:31 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> And neither thing has to have basis in how other people are doing
9:31 PM <•dry_cycle> if the goal is self-improvement, why not go with "better than thewalkindude368 from yesterday"
9:31 PM <random-42> The only person I complete with thewalkindude368, is myself.
9:31 PM Yesterday me.
9:31 PM <•dry_cycle> thats all you have control over anyways
9:31 PM <random-42> I kick his ass every day to be better
9:32 PM <Talie> I will go teach a class...
9:32 PM <•dry_cycle> seriously though thewalkindude368, i've  gone from broke as fuck to paper millionaire and no matter how much money you've got, unless you're jeff bezos' ex wife, there's always someone with more
9:32 PM <Talie> gdriver - if I don't see you this evening - see you for coffee and check in tmw morning?
9:33 PM <gdriver> Talie//yip fo sho
9:33 PM <•dry_cycle> at 3 days sober i would just focus on stayin dry
9:33 PM <gdriver> thank you. I feel grateful
9:33 PM <•dry_cycle> the rest will come with time
9:33 PM <thewalkindude368> Even though there's nothing to forgive, I feel like I'll never get over my cousin going to teach English in Japan for 2 years
9:33 PM <pihole> damn... just getting home. I'm beat
9:33 PM <•dry_cycle> hi pihole
9:33 PM <SecurExplination> hey pihole
9:33 PM <Taki> hey pihole
9:33 PM ⇐ Talie quit (Talie@user/Talie) Quit: Leaving
9:33 PM — random-42 hands pihole slippers
9:33 PM <pihole> hey guys
9:33 PM <pail> Hay is for horses!
9:33 PM <random-42> You did good pihole :)
9:33 PM <•dry_cycle> if thats the biggest thing you've got to get over thewalkindude368 i would count myself as lucky
9:33 PM <SecurExplination> lol..
9:33 PM <•dry_cycle> hayyyy
9:34 PM <SecurExplination> pihole needs a pipe with the slippers
9:34 PM and where is the doggo
9:34 PM <pihole> i got him into the hospital, started detox, coordinated with his family, got im into rehab, and got rehab pushed from friday to wednesday. it's been a trip
9:34 PM <Taki> gj pihole
9:34 PM <random-42> No pipe. He can have lollipop
9:34 PM <gdriver> yeah, it's funny, you guys probably won't believe me, and that's ok, I don't mind, but I think I lost ten million dollars last week, maybe fifteen. I was SPEWING the first day. By the third day I was like, meh. That's kinda my point. You get used to a LOT of stuff.
9:34 PM <Taki> ;addpoint pihole
9:34 PM <ShaleRocksBot> pihole is now worth 12 in Taki's eyes.
9:34 PM — random-42 hugs pihole
9:34 PM <SecurExplination> dang
9:34 PM <random-42> You did v good
9:34 PM — SecurExplination smokes the briar pipe instead
9:35 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> thewalkindude368: Why not go teach English in Japan, then?
9:35 PM <random-42> ^
9:35 PM Japan would be fun
9:35 PM <SecurExplination> sure would
9:35 PM <gdriver> very
9:35 PM <•dry_cycle> i believe you gdriver
9:35 PM and ouch
9:36 PM are you a trader or just personal shiz?
9:36 PM <AellaStormwind> A coworker of mine left our office the other day to move to south korea and teach english
9:36 PM — •dry_cycle is morbidly curious
9:36 PM <gdriver> heh. that's not really my point tho - it's more, whatever whatever. As long as one can eat, has self respect....
9:36 PM I guess that's what walkindude is talking about. Self respect.
9:36 PM I don't get mine from financial weath. I think. Which is mainly good.
9:37 PM — •dry_cycle stops prying
9:37 PM — pihole starts prying
9:37 PM <•dry_cycle> honestly it's easier to be angry at yourself once you stop doing  stupid shit drunk all the time
9:37 PM ... not be angry
9:37 PM <gdriver> And seriously walkindude, that sounds like a damn good plan!!!! Teaching in Japan! Why not?
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9:37 PM <•dry_cycle> first year or so, feelings are pretty raw i reckon
9:38 PM everything is fresh, havent built up any "wins" to point at and be like "lookit the NEW ME"
9:38 PM <random-42> Yeah I would agree with that
9:38 PM <justalittlegrace> Good god I would like a year
9:38 PM <gdriver> Just dum real estate stuff peeps. Nothing to see here. Although - I've been fascinated by some of the twists and turns.
9:38 PM <•dry_cycle> its an interesting industry for sure gdriver
9:38 PM <gdriver> Kipling - learn to recognise triumph and disaster as the....
9:39 PM yip.
9:39 PM <random-42> justalittlegrace: You will haz a year :)
9:39 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> baby steps
9:39 PM <pail> https://i.pinimg.com/originals/73/a1/a9/73a1a96f1213106fecbdfc1e6bc8c528.jpg
9:39 PM <•dry_cycle> treat those two impostors just the same
9:39 PM <gdriver> maybe one I won't be in for much longer :) Heh. No, more seriously, I think I have it covered. It was just an awesome easy win that has become a bit harder. Haven't been kicked off the table yet...
9:39 PM yes, that
9:40 PM <ShaleRocksBot> New Post to stopdrinking: Things I noticed as the sober one at the party (for once) by IWNDWYT95 http://redd.it/as5y7u
9:40 PM New Post to stopdrinking: I’m not sure how to start by losingEm http://redd.it/as5y41
9:40 PM <•dry_cycle> i race with a real estate developer from vancouver, interesting character
9:40 PM aww i love that SoberAgoraphobe
9:40 PM havent seen it before
9:40 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> Me too :)
9:40 PM <SecurExplination> ahhh that was a good dinner
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9:41 PM <gdriver> yeah, that's where the coin is. I noticed that through another expensive sport I was involved in once. All these real estate people. Personally I find real estate boring as &%*$, but that's what I like about it.
9:42 PM <•dry_cycle> software, finance, RE
9:42 PM — •dry_cycle shrugs
9:42 PM <gdriver> Buy cheap, sell market, avoid risk, can't go wrong. Applied to $200 vacuum cleaners or many million $$ parcels of land. Weird but true. In my opinion
9:43 PM — SoberAgoraphobe buys millions of vacuum cleaners
9:43 PM <gdriver> (And, sorry, what I mean by liking it's boringness is that it doesn't take much time, and doesn't drag me in - I can then do the things I *want* to do.)
9:43 PM Anyway. Don't mean to hijack the convo
9:43 PM — •dry_cycle vacuums his dog
9:43 PM <•dry_cycle> instructions unclear
9:43 PM <gdriver> it's just sad to see thewalkindude comparing himself with people like, well, a lot of the people I know. Who are rich in money but very poor in the things that matter.
9:43 PM <SecurExplination> can you vac my dog too dry_cycle
9:43 PM <gdriver> not all of them but many
9:43 PM <•dry_cycle> yeah gdriver i see that too
9:44 PM <gdriver> there ya go walkindude
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9:44 PM <•dry_cycle> the whole trophy wife/husband thing is pretty sad to see close up
9:44 PM <gdriver> that's two of us who live in the land which you're looking hungrily at. Hell, I say, go to Japan :)
9:44 PM → random-42 joined  ⇐ justalittlegrace quit
9:45 PM <ShaleRocksBot> http://i.imgur.com/ghxZ5ts.jpg
9:45 PM <gdriver> Cos we live in a tribe of people who aren't always very happy at all!! Oh THAT. Yuck. Yes, that's hideous.
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9:45 PM <Cyralek> Hey random-42
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9:45 PM — ShaleRocksBot welcomes gh to the room.
9:45 PM <gh> hi
9:45 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> dry_cycle: Sounds boring as hell to be a trophy wife
9:45 PM Heya gh
9:45 PM <•dry_cycle> sat with one of them at a racing awards thing and man she was miiiiiserable
9:45 PM but very well groomed
9:46 PM hi gh
9:46 PM <gh> cant be more miserable than slaving away for minimum wage
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9:46 PM <gdriver> yip. that
9:46 PM — ShaleRocksBot welcomes justalittlegrace to the room.
9:46 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> gh: Ehhh I think it could be
9:46 PM <gdriver> wouldn't mind being someone's trohy husband tho
9:46 PM trophy
9:46 PM <gh> doubt it
9:46 PM <gdriver> I mean, I AM the shortest of them all
9:46 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> I've only worked minimum wage, I've never been a trophy wife
9:47 PM So I guess I can't say for sure
9:47 PM <Deviousthread>  o/ sorry for the afk. The ice cream needed some serious attention
9:47 PM <SoberAgoraphobe> But sounds dehumanizing to me
9:47 PM <gh> minimum wage is too though
9:47 PM have to serve people all day
9:47 PM serve as in be subservient
9:47 PM <thewalkindude368> Maybe once I get a second, actually useful degree, and a decent-paying job, I'll feel better about myself
9:47 PM <•dry_cycle>