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- lyler prose: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/245069/11/the-lyler-archive/baked-goods-and-pure-madness
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- >Day this stupid story doesn't need a sequel In Equestria
- >"Anon, today's the day."
- >Getting out of your holding cell, you ponder whether the action that brought you here was justified.
- >Pinkie Pie showed the most grotesque display of affection for you that you had ever seen.
- >She also destroyed your one joy in life at the very same moment.
- >As you walk out of the Ponyville Detention Center, you think that every single punch to the face was worth it.
- >Plus for some reason Pinkie didn't get any major injuries from your onslaught.
- >She just made a funny face every time you hit her.
- >Maybe you can try to find a place in your heart to forgive her after all this time.
- >It was already just two hours ago.
- >Two hours for assault and battery.
- >The justice system makes no sense in pony world.
- >The sun graces your skin as you wonder what you should do with the rest of your day.
- >Especially since you are now unemployed.
- >Maybe it's just time for a good nap. It has been a rough day.
- >As you walk home, you wonder what you should do for employment now.
- >You could try to see if Applejack needs any help.
- >There is also the library. Twilight might need extra help.
- >Rarity's Boutique could also be a last resort if necessary.
- >"Or you could be Pinkie's sex slave."
- >Yeah. There is always-
- "Pinkie go away."
- >The pink energetic mare hops alongside you.
- >"Why Nonny? Is it because of that restraining order?"
- "Yes. Precisely."
- >"Silly Nonny. That's to prevent you coming to ME! Not me coming to YOU!"
- >This fucking mare will drive you insane.
- >You just keep walking home, hoping that the pink pony will either run out of things to talk about, get bored and walk away, or die by some miracle.
- >None of those happen as you approach your home.
- >Turning to her with tired eyes and a sense of desperation, you interrupt her rant about how she should move in with you.
- "Pinkie..."
- >"Yeah Nonny?" She says excitedly.
- "What can I do to have you leave me alone."
- >She brightens up and begins hopping up and down.
- >"Simple! Eat this!"
- >She hands you a plate of pink cookies with pink frosting.
- "Why?"
- >Her tone becomes a little more caring.
- >"I made you these to say I'm sorry for ruining your cake. I know it meant a lot to you..."
- >You look down at the cookies.
- >They did look delicious.
- >You also haven't eaten all day.
- >Grabbing a cookie, the scent wafts up to you.
- >They smell like they just came out of the oven.
- >How does this mare do it?
- >Taking a bite, your mouth erupts with the amazing taste of strawberries and pure happiness.
- >You begin to shove them into your mouth at an alarming rate.
- >These were the greatest thing you have ever eaten.
- "That... was... amazing."
- >"I'm glad you liked them Nonny. I'll bring more tomorrow morning. Bye Bye!"
- >You watch the mare bounce off into the distance.
- >So began the new routine.
- >Instead of sexual harassment, Pinkie would bring you cookies every day.
- >Every day you would ask what was in the cookies, and why they were so good.
- >Her simple answer was always "It's a secret Nonny!" and she would bounce off.
- >Your life became obsessed about the cookies.
- >You must know how they were made.
- >Soon, baking different cookie recipes and experimenting on cookies were your only occupation.
- >After several months, and countless failed attempts, you have decided that you will do the only thing you can do to figure out the recipe.
- >Stalk the omnipresent mare.
- >The sun slowly sets over the horizon as you look into the windows of the Sugarcube Corner bakery.
- >If you bide your time long enough, you may be able to watch her make the cookies.
- >Hours pass and just as you are about to fall asleep, the lights of the kitchen turn on.
- >Straightening back up, you peek back into the kitchen to see Pinkie gathering ingredients.
- >Flower, milk, eggs, sugar.
- >Yes... this is the moment you have been waiting for.
- >She begins to mix all the ingredients together, while humming a happy tune.
- >Once the mixture is completed, she preheats the oven and... puts the bowl on the floor.
- >What is this crazy mare doing.
- >It doesn't matter. You must learn her secret.
- >Getting out a tray to cook the sweets on, she pulls a chair up to the bowl.
- >She sits on the chair, facing the window and looks directly outside.
- >Ducking down, you try to make sure she can't see you.
- >Slowly peeking back in, you see Pinkie fondling herself with closed eyes and gritted teeth.
- >No. There is no way.
- >She increases her pace, and you hear stifled moans floating out the window.
- >Does she know that you are right here?
- >Her body straightens and she lets out a loud moan as she begins to release pink cum directly into the bowl.
- >Your gut clenches and you feel sick to your stomach.
- >She smiles as she begins to release a trail of yellow mixture into the batter.
- >You fall to the ground as you begin to lose your stomach.
- >Those cookies.
- >Two months.
- >Oh god.
- >As you stumble away from the house, her voice calls out to you.
- >"If you want to wait a little longer you can get them fresh!"
- >Looks like its time to go cry in your bed.
- >Fucking Pinkie Pie.
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