Aria and Fat Anon

>The dull glow from your monitor bounced off the empty chip bags and hollowed energy drinks cans that littered your desk.
>Likewise the rest of your humble abode gave testimony to the caloric refreshments needed for a man of your stature and girth.
>Twas the nerve center from which you had launched so many of your virtual conquests in the various realms you had plundered over the years.
>To think the common peasants of your meatspace vicinity knew you as merely 'Anon'.
>Truly your distinguished repute in the World of Warhorses gave more than enough justification for any 'excess' your friends may have been concerned about.
>You scratched the hair of your neckbeard as the specially customized Secretlab beneath you groaned from even the slightest shifting of your weight.
>Logging onto your account you were prepared to begin another crusade of unremitting thrashing of the unwashed plebs before your cell began vibrating next to your keyboard.
>It was Aria Blaze.
Hmm.
>You considered letting it go to voicemail but decided against it.
>If she found out you'd been ignoring her you knew from previous experience what her wrath could entail.
"Hello?"
>"Anon! What the hell? I tried calling you three times earlier! Why didn't you answer?
>You shifted in your gaming chair as you reached for another cheesy treat and popped it into your hungry maw.
"Yeah...
>*crunch*
"I was..."
>*crunch*
"Sleeping."
>You could practically hear Aria's brow furrowing over the phone as a small moment of frustrated silence passed over.
>"Sleeping? Really dude? Ugh, whatever. Are you gonna let me in or what?"
"You're..."
>*crunch*
"...Here?"
>Aria let out her famous groan.
>"Yes."
>She made a pretend crunching sound.
>"I."
>And another.
>"Am."
>You gave a sigh.
"Alright, I'll buzz you in."
>With considerable effort you lifted your stout self from your throne of vidya dominance and headed to the door.
>After granting the siren admittance to the apartment's entrance you headed for the kitchen.
>And more importantly the refrigerator.
>Opening it up you gazed upon the various provisions at your disposal as you waited for your friend to make it up to your floor.
>You were about to select a particularly enticing slice of Devil's Food cake when you heard Aria using her keys to open the front door.
>As the twin tailed songstress stepped over the threshold she looked around the dwelling with a look of mild annoyance before settling her glare directly on you from the hallway.
>She was wearing tight black yoga pants with a light purple tank top and gray running shoes.
>Each article of clothing seemed to accentuate her curves expertly.
>She made an exaggerated motion of pinching her nose with her fingers as she made another glance at her surroundings.
>"Ever heard of air fresheners?"
>As she made her way over you decided it might be best to offer a tasty olive branch.
"Hey, you want some cake? I've got extra-"
>"Not right now, but I do call dibs on a slice for later. Just came to return your copy of C oom."
>The purple grump set the cartridge on the kitchen table before taking a seat and leaning back.
>Tilting her head to one side as she gave you a wry smile.
>"Dessert already huh?"
>You gave a shrug as you removed the chocolatey comestible before grabbing a fork and settling across from Aria at the table.
>The chair creaked in protest as Aria rolled her eyes.
>You broke off a piece of the delicious delicacy and held it up to your eyes, examining it's texture as you allowed your appetite to gain momentum.
"So what's up?"
>You bit into the piece of cake and relished the cascade of flavor on your tastebuds.
>Aria folded her arms and looked over at your gaming station with a pensive expression before turning her gaze back at you.
Anon...The girls and I are kind of... Well worried about you I guess."
>You scoffed.
"Worried? About what? That I'm going be the next HoH master? Because that is a valid concern."
>You gave a small chuckle at your less-than-modest comment as you carved off another chunk of dark deliciousness.
"Don't worry, I won't forget about you guys when I make it to the big leagues."
>Aria's glare was enough to make you pause before your next bite.
>Though only for a moment.
>She straightened up and gave you a hard stare as your eyes met before you broke it off and refocused on your snack.
>"When's the last time you went out and got some fresh air?"
"I don't know. Why?"
>"Well, this place looks even worse than the last time I was her and that was barely a week ago. And you-"
>You set down your fork with a clang as you returned the stare again.
"What?"
>"Anon... You know 'what'."
>You gave an irritated huff.
"Yeah, I know I'm fat as fuck. Any other breaking news you got for me?"
>Aria's eyes softened slightly as you shifted yours to a spot of linoleum tile.
>Almost unconsciously your hand reached back for the fork as Aria pulled the plate away.
"Hey!"
>"Shut up and grab your shoes tubby. >We're going for a walk."
>You reeled back in disgust.
"You're kidding right? I'm not going out there! Not with everything that's happening right now."
>Aria slammed her fists onto the table, causing the piece of cake and it's plate to jump slightly.
>"Don't be a pussy Anonymous! You need exercise! You need to lose weight!"
"I am not! I am the Anonihilator!
>You took a second to catch your breath from the outburst before continuing.
"I exercise strategies and excise my enemies! I'm a heavyweight in more ways than one!"
>Sweat had begun to bead on your forehead as your labored breath gave away just how much you had let yourself go.
>Maybe Aria had a point?
>Nevertheless, you raised your triple chin up with deserved pomposity.
"And don't you forget it Ms. Blaze."
>Aria balked.
>"Yeah, you're definitely coming with me."
>You gave an indignant pout.
"B-but the cake?"
>She replied by letting a clear stream of saliva fall from her lips onto the slice.
>She looked back at you with challenge in her eyes.
"Still want it now?"
>You gave a small smirk of defiance.
>Oh, you sweet summer child.
"Yes. Even more so."
>She cocked an eywbrow.
>"Bruh".
>For a mythical creature from another dimension she had little appreciation for the finer things in life.
Several tense seconds passed as you two stared each other down.
>Aggression vs appetite.
>Alas, no cake was worth losing this friendship over.
>So finally you relented.
"Okay, okay, fine. Jesus."
>You lifted yourself up from the chair, it's mocking groan of relief not helping to improve your mood in the slightest.
>Making your way to the front doorstep, >Aria stood up and followed behind as she tossed the remaining cake into the trash bin.
>Rest in peace.
>As you slipped on your penny loafers you gave a cursory glance back at the lithe slave driver behind you.
"So where are you taking me anyway?"
>Aria gave a friendly grin.
>"Just to the park Anon. It's open and I know a secret shortcut."
>She opened the door and waited for you to follow suit.
>You hesitated for a moment, shuffling your feet somwhat nervously.
"And then what?"
>Aria's grin grew more devilish as she let one hand pull on her tank top's shoulder strap.
>Just enough to make the front her shirt bounce a few times.
>"We'll see about some yoga moves I can show you."
>Why didn't she just start with this approach?
>Women.
>You slammed the door behind you as the two of you headed for the elevator.
"I guess HoH can wait a little while longer."
Aria laughed.
>"Uh huh. Come on big guy."