Thread 6: Stories 31-45

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>AJ 10
"Guard Pony"
~~~~~

>HIYA!

"GAH! Where the heck did you come from!?"

>You know, that's not a hundred percent clear. Chrysalis's mom kind of left it vague, and I don't know why.

"Oh great, where did you get that? Did you steal it? Hah, like I need to ask."

>Nope! Shining Armor gave it to me so I can win a pull it her.

"You know what? I'll buy it, too much effort otherwise. What do you want, you little pest?"

>An interview! I wanna talk to the guards who serve Equestria!

"...Hrm, well, it would be nice to get some recognition."

>COOL! Where were you when Nightmare Moon attacked?

"In my barracks, sleeping."

>Oh... what about Discord?

"In my barracks, hiding from a living pudding flower who wanted to eat me."

>Chrysalis?

"In my barracks, glued to the floor."

>The vines?

"In my barracks, wondering what I'm supposed to do."

>...Do you ever actually fight anyone?

"I punched an old lady for trying to steal this nice stallions purse. Good thing too, that face mask was really tacky, I hope he could afford a new one."

>...I'm uh, I'm gonna go now.

"Okay. Try not to steal anything else."

>Yeah... I'll do that. Or at least, I'll make sure to do it around you if I do.

"Sounds good."

>Yeah, it really does.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
~~~~~
>Alrigh'! Callin' this meetin' o' tha princesses ta order! Any openin' statements?

The other princesses are bound, gagged, and have their magic temporarily sealed and struggle to free themselves while swearing for Applejack's death.

>No one? Perfect! Now then, Our first order o' business...

And the meeting continued with no interruptions that day.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>You are an enigma, I just want you to know that.

"Is that made up words for 'sexy'? I feel like that's a word you made up to call me sexy."

>No, be straight with me here, how did you pull this off? The head of the Hoofington estate is not just stingy, I'm sure he knows every serial number of every bit he owns by heart.

"Bit of a tightwad, yeah."

>But yet, here I am, looking at a bank statement with a much, much lower number than I was thought possible. So, I want you to be honest with me, and I won't judge no matter what you say, alright?

"Alright?"

>I'm serious. The next five minutes, no matter what you say, it's repercussion free. Got it?

"I guess..."

>Good. Did you mind control him?

"No."

>Threaten him?

"Not a bit!"

>Blackmail him?

"Got nothing on him, actually."

>...Offer some other, unsavory service?

"Oh ho ho, Shiny!...NO."

>...That was a little angry sounding, I didn't mean to imply-

"No no, it's fine. It's just... I worked extra hard to essentially rob this guy for a reason. You know the first joke he made to me when I walked in? 'Oh Cadenza, so nice to see you. Don't worry, I've stocked up on plenty of bug spray, so those little monsters won't be bothering me!'"

>Ah.

"He just... he made it sound like we're stupid bugs who just get in everyponies way and need to be exterminated. So I used every trick I knew and invented at least two others, and I took him to the cleaners."

>Understatement, actually. Well, I have to say, I'm impressed. I knew you had it in you.

"To rob a guy?"

>Nope. To prove him wrong. Good job. Want to mess up my papers? You've earned it.

"...Nah, I'll get you later, I'm kind of tired."

>Your call.

"But Shiny?"

>Yeah?

*She moves right up to his face*

"There's only one pony I offer my 'unsavory services' to. Kay?"

>Got it.

"Good."

*She skips off, way too happy looking.*

>...I'm kind of scared how easily this could backfire.

*He picks up one of the papers*

>But DAMN is she good at this.

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>Luna
"SA"
~~~~~
>Whee bidsh you good ehvenin', shhhinin' armor-

"Oh, fuck, not another one!"

>Whee are nothh drunk! Whee haff returned from tha dentith offith!

"Oh... Is that why you're drooling on tha floor?"

>Nofacane ifth a hell ohf a drug.

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>AJ56
"Sombra"

>...

"..."

>I pity you.

"Grah?"

>Yes, you. Aimlessly floating about between life and death without a body...or more importantly a plot.

"Grehhh?"

>Y'know, plot, butt, booty, Diamond Tiara has no plot, these crystal ponies have HEAD HURTING STONY LIES, but you? Your plot is a ghost, it's smoke, you have negative plot!

"Grr..."

>I know, it's a tragedy, really. I hope there's not more like you out there, it'd be too much for me to take.

56 looks like he might faint, Sombra rolls his eyes and goes to float away.

>Hey wait up-!

56 goes to chase after Sombra but trips and goes tumbling into the smokey part.

"RAWRGH!?"

Sombra quickly floats away, leaving a bewildered 56 sitting there.

>Whoa...

"Rargh?"

>It's so COOL IN THERE! I was totally wrong, ghost guy, your plot is awesome! It's like...outer space in there! YOU HAVE A SPACE PLOT!

"Reh...errr...regrrregh!"

Sombra zooms off with 56 chasing after.

>COME BACK SPACE PLOT, I MUST SOLVE YOUR MYSTERIES!


Alternative ending...
~~~~~

56 goes to chase after Sombra but trips and goes tumbling into the smokey part.

"RAWRGH!?"

Sombra quickly floats away, leaving a bewildered 56 sitting there.

>OH, MY, GOD! IT'S FULL OF STARS!

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>"..." Applejack
"..." Luna
'...' Celestia
'"..."' Applejack 56

----

All in the castle, no peep was heard, all was silent... well, except for the scurries of changelings as they darted about the ballroom, or the sound of Luna screaming at the top of her lungs as she blasted away fictional aliens on her MareBox, or Twilight performing experiments in the 'dungeon', or... you get the idea.

One happy school-going changeling known as AppleJack 56 happened to be walking, more accurately, stalking, outside Luna's bedchambers. He'd already morphed into a beanbag and felt that divine plot, (As well as some other lady parts), on his face for a second time. And that didn't work for him now, Luna checked the beanbag was a beanbag each time she sat down.

The Princess of the Moon really did have the greatest moon. Her posterior was curved, smooth, and jutted forth from her body perfectly with enticing hips that made your head spin. The texture was beyond soft. Silken, yet knead-able. Doughy, yet muscled. Her arse, (Among other parts), was simply divine in all senses of the word, and he needed to bury his face in it, for great justice. And love.

He had to find a new way into this room without being ejected immediately. Several hours simply sitting there as guards walked by giving him knowing looks and sympathetic smiles, he finally concocted a most brilliant idea!

He knw just how to get into Luna's room without her throwing him out!

He shifted his body until his coat was white, and he was wearing the full golden armour of the guard. He made sure to look just like one of the guard ponies. Seriously why did they all look alike? He smiled to himself, this would work perfectly! He rapped his polished white hoof against the double chamber doors and waited for a response.

Moments later, the sounds of shouting paused, and Luna came to the doors.

"Our guard? What doth thou require of Thee?" Luna asked,half tired with sleep. "We are occupied with the imperative task of liberating ponies."

Oh shit, he hadn't planned this far ahead!

'"Er, well, your highness... I was um..."' 56 stammered. What should he say!? Plan ahead next time!! '"I um... can I er? I mean to say if it's not a problem..."'

Luna took note of this troubled guard.

"We believe we have not seen thou before. We know all our guards by first and last name, yet We do not recall thou's face." Luna scanned this one. He was indeed different. His fur was a slightly darker shade, almost silver, unlike other guards who were either full grey or full white, his hair was black, not blue. And why did he seem very... feminine. The guard was so damn androgynous.

'"Oh, um... I..."' Dammit! This was not going according to plan! '"What do... er, you mean; liberating ponies?"'

"Tis' a most fun game We play on our MareBox, (™ with MareSoft), why doth thou ask?"

'"I uh... no reason... why did you say that?"'

"Say what?"

'"That thing. '™ with Maresoft'."'

"Because We are paid 1000 bits each time We say it in conjuncture to mentioning the MareBox. (™ with MareSoft.)" Luna grinned. "Another 1000 bits for Us!"

'"O...Okay..."' 56 managed to reply. '"I'm just... gonna go now."'

"But... thou hath earned Us an extra 2000 bits to spend on fine confectioneries." Luna mused. "Perchance thou would like to play a game with Us on Our MareBox? (™ with MareSoft) Yes! 3000!"

'"Oh, erm... Sure! I guess..."' Oh shit, what was he doing? Wait, no! He was getting in! Haha! Brilliant work 56! You did it! He was so clever! '"Sure! I'd love to your highness!"'

He trotted in after Luna, eyes not moving from the bouncing arse of beauty. Only when she shoved an object with small buttons on it, in his face, did he snap out of his thoughts.

"Thou may use the good controller." Luna decreed. "Our one here is slightly damaged from whence We threw it in anger, but tis' still fine for play, and We like the handicap of not being able to reload until Our magazines are emptied."

'"Oh, er... thanks?" 56 guessed.

"Tell Us, guard." Luna asked as she sat down onto her huge behind on her larger beanbag. "What is thou's name?"

'"My name? It's...uh..."' Shit, again, pre-planning is needed! Erm... okay, names... er..."' What was the name of that one guard that always volunteered on the weekends to help him put out fires on him when Diamond Tiara came knocking?

Name! Something! That guard! What was he called!? Silver Spoon? No, that was that filly with the nice plot... Quick Wisp? No... Oh wait! Quicksilver! That was it!

'"I er... my name is Quicksilver, your highness."' 56 managed to utter out. Damn performance issues. Just like that time Luna put him on the spot to inspect her behind region.

"Quicksilver? We believe We know of another called thus! How intriguing!" Luna smiled. "Well, come hither, then! We play!"

---

The next morning, an orange princess looks around for somepony.

>"Do y'all know where Luna has got herself to?"

'Last I saw she was in her bed chambers playing on her little console, or whatever she calls it.'

>"Ah checked there, but she weren't there when ah checked."

'Ah, it seems we cannot help you, then.'

>"...Thanks fer that."

'Welcome!'

AppleJack continues to explore, coming back to Luna's bedchambers, but hearing sound from within this time as she nears the doors. She walks in.

>"Luna? Ah there ya are! Where ya been? Ah've been needin' help with..."

"..."

'"..."'

>"Who's that?"

"This? He would be Quicksilver. We hath been vanquishing aliens from the cosmos!"

>"Ah figured that was what y'all were upto... ah guess."

"Indeed."

>"Hey, don'tcha mean 'she'?"

"Excuse Us?"

>"That pony there's a she, right? Not he?"

"No, thou heard Us correct. He."

'"I'm right here..."'

>"Ah beg yer pardon there... Quickdust, was it? Ya look very much like a mare."

Like a mare?

'"But my disgui-- Er, I mean, but I'm super stallion like!"'

>"And ah'm not the element of honesty."

'"But, you are the element on honesty..."

>"Exactly, sugar."

He fucked up his disguise, didn't he? Of course he did, and it was inly now he was noticing properly. He must of been thinking about a mare with a nice plot while shifting.

'"Oh, well... I uh..."' 56 stammered. '"I gotta go!"'

With that, he sped off.

"Now really, AppleJack. Questioning one's looks?"

>"...Ah feel bad. Seriously."

"Maybe thou will think twice before commenting on Our rear."

>"...Nope. That one is yer fault and endless entertainment."

"Darn."


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ56
“Luna”
_______

>Heeeeey, Moonbutt, guess who?

“And the reaper comes to collect his due soul.”

>What a silly thing to say! I don’t collect souls, just butts!

“Why are thee even here? In our quarters? Do guards count for nothing these days?”

>Not when you bribe them with tasteful photos of royal backside they don’t.

“…”

>Not yours. Sunrump’s.

“It may surprise thee to know that does nothing to make us feel better. What reason have ye for being here?”

>I wanted to ask a question!

Luna twitched before scowling.

“Then allow us to answer every question we’re sure thou wishes to ask. No, our diet is not working; quite the opposite, tis failing. Yes, we feel bad about our lack of self-control. No, we do not wish to have a royal plot server. Yes, we are quite sure. No, we do not wish to wear the garments the rainbow colored one wears. No, we will not give our rear up for marriage. Doth that quell thou’s damnable curiosity?”

A moment of silence followed Luna’s biting words, during which AJ56 glanced down between his own hooves and then up.

>Well… can’t say all that doesn’t suck, but that’s not what I wanted to ask, Moons.

“We are so sure. Then why does thou darken our doorway this time? Go on, surprise us.”

>Miss Flowerpot gave us an assignment. We have to get an interview of sorts from someone we really care about, ask them about their daily life and whatnot-

“And let us guess, thou would like us to read over the gathered material, make sure it’s of proper standing for thine’s assignment?”

Slowly shaking his head, AJ56 produced a notepad and pencil, placing the tip to paper as he stared up at the lunar princess.

>I was actually hoping that you could be my assignment, Moons.

“Ha, we knew thou were not sincere with- wait... what?”

>I want to find out more about you.


“W-why not Applejack? Or our sister? Surely they would make better candidates than ourself….”

>You’re more important to me than they are. And not just because of your massive plot, but because I genuinely find you interesting! Besides… I get most of the love that keeps me alive from you anyway!

A deep blush settled into both of Luna’s cheeks despite her surprise.

“Well… w-we suppose that would be alright….”

>Cool! Okay, uh, I guess just start from the beginning!

The nightly hours sped by the fastest Luna ever remembered them going as she regaled the curiously eager Changeling with parts of her life and some of her daily activities. Her room rang with laughter both hers and his as he offered up tales of his own, most of which she didn’t understand for beans but appreciated all the same.

“Oh goodness, time does make fools of us all… tis nearly time for us to lower the moon! Um, was that enough for thine’s assignment?”

A snort met her ears and she turned to see AJ56 slumped over in his chair, head dangling limply. His notepad had long since hit the floor and she curiously glanced at it, reading one of the last things he’d written,

‘...may seem uptight and sometimes her speech confuses me-’

"D-do we really…?"

'-but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Moons is the best ever princess to me and I’m going to keep coming back to her room to ask more questions and listen to her laugh some more. Not many ponies are up at night to keep her company and I bet she gets lonely, so I’ll be there to make her smile! Moons for president!’

Luna’s shoulders began to quiver as she put a hoof to her lips.

"W-we won’t cry… we won’t cry, we won’t… d-damn it...."

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>AJ12
“Octavia”
________

“No.”

>Wow. Right out the gate, eh? I haven’t even-

“No.”

>Look, lady mare-

“Octavia to you, Changeling.

>Okay, Octavia. I just dragged myself through a proverbial hell to get alllll the way over here to this side of Canterlot. Do you know how many stones I had to dodge?

“One too many if you’re here, obviously.”

>Cold much? You could at least give me a chance. I could be a good uhhhh… cello cleaner and uhhh… bag carrier.

“The job listing was for ponies only.”

>It didn’t say that.

“It was implied.”

>How do you just imply racism?

“You can go now.”

>Tch, fine, but just so you know? I listened to your fourth concerto a few days back in preparation for this interview. You didn’t look so pleased with yourself when you finished, even more disgusted when you received a standing ovation. And I know why as I was probably the only one who didn’t clap.

“What drivel are you spou-”

>You missed a few key notes during the main transition and that threw off the rising flow you were going for. It was supposed to be a piece about overcoming, right? Instead, it came off as something more poppy. I’d’ve been disgusted, too.

“…”

>Well, thanks for seeing me. And for the racism.

With a bow, AJ12 saw himself out, unaware of how the musical gray mare stared after him, silent but with newfound interest sparking in her eyes.

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>"..." AppleJack
'...' Spike

---

>"Spike? Can ya jus... ahhh, ther' ya go."

'There?'

>"Riiiii-hight there... whoo, that was cramped fer days."

'No problem, AJ.'

>"Spike? Why did'n Twilight ever tell ya how much she appreciated what'cha did fer her?"

'I'unno, have to ask her that. She was always busy fending off the next monster to hit Ponyville to fully concentrate on me, y'know?'

>"Eh, maybe. Even so, a hug or a nice jewel every now an' then wouldn't o' hurt none, huh?"

'True that.'

>"Which is why... ~She heaves a big sack of colourful gems and other shiny assorted jewels from out of thin air~ ...Ah got'cha this lil' partner."

'...Wow. Really?'

>"Really, sugar."

'Wow. Thanks AJ! Where did you get the spare bits for all this?'

>"Tia's cake fund has been needin' cut again fer awhile. Ah used the extra cash t' broker some trades between the Griffon Empire, they threw in these with every few things we got imported as an incentive t' import s'more stuff. Nice idea considering they're sittin' on the most gems."

'Really AJ... Wow. Thanks.'

>"T'aint nothin', Spike. Ah immediately figured you could use 'em."

'Can... Can I give you a hug?'

>"'Course ya can."

~Spike embraces AJ with a smile on his lips, nuzzling into her coat with thanks. AJ mouth curves and she puts a hoof around the little dragon in return~

'Love ya, AJ.'

>"Love ya too, sugar. Yer mah number one assistant, an ya make each day worth gettin' up fer."

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>Applejack 42
"Applejack"
'???'
~~~~~~~

>HEEELP!

"Ah' dangit."

>There is so much fire, SO MUCH FIRE!

"What did ya'll set fire ta now.... nooooo"

>Yes! C'mon, we've got to put it out before-

"NO!"

>What?

"Now this has gotten' out o' hand! Ah've been patient, kind, and faaar more forgivin' that Ah' should of! This is a step too far, ya' friggen bug monster! TOO FAR THE BAKERY WAS OFF LIMITS! AH' WILL HANG YA'LL UP FROM-"

>Um, well, actually...

"WHAT!?"

>'We' didn't have anything to do with this.

"...What?"

'FOUL TEMPTATIONS! THINE HAUNTING PRESENCE WILL CORRUPT US NO MORE! MINE BACKSIDE WILL SHRINK, IF I HAVE TO BURN EVERY CAKE IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA!'

"...Ah."

>Yeah.

"Ah' have made a terrible mistake."

>...Bug monster?

"We have our regrets, 42."

'I REGRET THIS! THE CAKES! I'M SO SORRY! SOMEONE HELP ME SAVE THE CAKES!'

"See?"

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>Applejack 12
"Vinyl Scratch"
~~~~~

"Thanks for coming all the way down!"

>WHAT!?

"Did you find the place okay?"

>IT WASN'T HARD, I JUST HAD TO FOLLOW THE VIBRATIONS!

"Yeah, makes finding my house SUPER easy, my guests never get lost!"

>WHAT!?

"So, have you had any experience being a bouncer before?"

>I PUNCHED A HALF DOZEN PONIES IN THE FACE THIS MORNING!

"Hah! Weekends, am I right?"

>I CAN'T TELL IF THAT WAS A JOVIAL TONE!

"Nah, don't take it too seriously. We have fun here, we're fun. But I'm sad to say, I don't know if this is going to work out."

>WHY!?

"Well, and correct me if I'm wrong here, not a big Changeling aficionado or anything, but your skin looks like it's cracking."

>I THINK YOUR SPEAKERS ARE SHATTERING MY CHITIN!

"Is that an issue? Do you need that?"

>IT'S MY SKIN!

"So... yes?

>YES!

"Shoot. Well, thanks for coming anyway. Real nice meeting you, you're a standup guy I gotta say, most don't last through the first two minutes."

>WHY DO YOU PLAY THIS SO LOUD!?

"Believe it or not, it's the only way I can get to sleep anymore. Everyone's got a weird little tick, I guess. Right?"

>SOMETHING IS DRIBBLING DOWN THE SIDE OF MY FACE, AND I AM AFRAID!

"You said it buddy."

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"Applejack"
>Luna
'Twilight'
~~~~~
>HUZZAH! WE HAVE ANOTHER PROPOSAL!

"Alrighty, let's hear it!"

>Our newest plan is flawless! Because we know it has worked before! Not only may we help all Equestria by we shall also get the exercise we so sorely need to reduce yon backside!

"Well, don' keep me in suspense, ya'll sound really excited!"

>We intend to go forth each night to take enthusiastic walks through the wildernesses of Equestria!

"Well, 'suppose that would help wit' your weight..."

>We also intend to slaughter any terrible monster we see which might threaten the citizenry!

"... Will ya need any specialized Equipment fer it? A team?"

>Nay, we have done this many times before with but our Night Guard, an often we told them to keep back while their princess-

EXPLOSION!

'Princess Luna! I hear you might be in the market for some... Deadly Equipment?'

>Nay, Twilight Sparkle, but we intend to work to clear Equestria of it's monstrous plights.

'Then I'll come with! I need new outlets to test out my creations since Spike's just one dragon and Diamond Tiara hasn't been back since the Poultrizer backfired and she ended up laying a few eggs.'

"Pardon?!"

>Very well, Twilight, we accept your proposal, and as well as the Jack of Apples on forming a team!

Some time later, Luna stood before her assembled team. Spike spun his revolvers in elaborate tricks before holstering them, Applejack 42 polished her slipshod helmet before setting it on her head, 77 sharpened his knife and grinned maniacally, Twilight snapped her goggles over her eyes and adjusted her backpack of countless, mechanical limbs, and finally, 56 waved the standard proudly above the assembled group.

"Tonight, we venture fourth! To reduce plot mass ("Boo!" 56 shouted) and to strike the fear of the night into all creatures who would do harm to the citizens! And enjoy ourselves! Too the badlands, everyone!"

The gathered mob cheered and moved closer to Luna before vanishing in a flash of light as Luna teleported them away.

"Think we should be worried? Ah feel like we've forgotten somethin' important." Applejack asked Celestia who laughed it off.

"Oh, they'll be fine." the princess assured.

In another flash of light, the party had returned, 77 was huddled mess, Spike had been shot by his own guns, 42 was unconscious and on fire, Luna was battered and bruised with 56 rammed up her rear, and Twilight was bleeding out of goggle lens surrounded by the broken remains of her machines.

"What in tarnation happened to ya'll? MEDIC!" Applejack shouted and rushed to apply her own knowledge of first aid.

From a pool of blood, Spike groaned and explained: "Luna stepped on a bug and we pissed off Fluttershy."

"So discord did this?" Celestia asked.

"No..." Twilight whimpered as her mentor attempted to dislodge the changeling from Luna's rear.

NON CANON

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Cadence"
'18'
~~~~~~

"What do you mean, no!?"

'There is no lip gloss imaginable that is worth this much bits. It doesn't exist. Denied.'

"You clearly have never been to Fillydelphia-"

*DOOR SLAM!*

>Alright, SPILL! I want the truth!

"You're backside may be bigger than mine, but I'll always have the better face, hair and body. Just the way it is."

'Pffthahaha!'

>I MEANT, you little priss, is why the heck do you let 42 hit your husband all the time. This is so confusing to me!

"She doesn't hit him, she trains him. Lots of very strenuous exercise."

'Which is just hitting him, you mean.'

"Hitting is involved."

>Almost entirely.

"He hits her back too, though."

>Spill!

'Yeah, I kind of want to hear your reasoning too.'

"Oh... I have my reasons."

>What could possibly be a good-

In that moment, Shining Armor walked by the still open door, and down the hallway. None too subtly, Cadence watched him walk away. And watched. And watched. The other two joined her, and suddenly the answer was clear.

>...Wow.

'Yeah, answer given.'

"Told you. All the exercise? AMAZING for his... muscles."

>All of them.

'I want him to come back, but I don't want him to turn around.'

"Yeaaaah."

With a classy flair, she walked out of the room, but not before looking back and giving a little smirk.

"It feels as good as it looks, in case you were wondering."

She leaves the two wide eyed others behind.

>....Crap now I'm thinking about it.

'I'LL BE IN MY BUNK! NO CALLS!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ 12
"Zepplin pony"
'Passenger'
~~~~~~~~

>This is stupid.

"Now now, that's not the right attitude!"

>I'm not a-... where did you even get this idea?

"Nature documentary."

>And they said Changeling can do this?

"Yes! Well, okay, no, they only mentioned that most insects can do this. But you're mostly insect, so it all works out, right?"

>That's not... I'm not mostly insect.

"No?"

>I can BREED WITH PONIES, just because my appearance looks like this doesn't mean I'm actually a bug!

"Oh... this is a problem, then."

>Yeah, you think?

"Can you wing it?"

>Can I 'wing' detection of air altitude and location? No, I can not do that. That is not a 'wingy' thing.

"...Wish you had told me that before we took off."

>Yeah, you know what? The probably should have come up before we reached the fucking mountains.

"Whelp... have fun with that!"

>Have fun? What are you-NO! WAIT! COME BACK!...FRIGGEN PEGASI!

'Are we gonna die?'

>This is going to sound sad, but that probably isn't the worst possible way this is going to end.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~~~~

>Hey, Tia?

"Hey, Applejack? Hey, Applejack? Hey, Applejack? See, I can do it too. It's annoying, right?"

>Is Appleoosa in our jurisdiction?

"Yes, it is. Why?"

>Well, it's just, ya' didn't send anyone ta' help out when the feud was goin' on way back when.

"Feud?"

>Tween the buffaloo an' the Appleoosans?

"When did this happen?"

>A while ago. Ah' only bring it up cause, well, Ah' had ta' deal with it back then too, and Ah' only knew about it because o' my cousin sendin' me a letter.

"Hey, you know who DIDN'T get a letter? Me! Because apparently a potential war breaking out is the kind of information you send to your cousin, not the government official you pay your taxes to."

>...They kinda blame-

"I know. I just... I know."

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