1-04 Pause

	Sometimes, I think I'm awake.

	Sometimes, I find myself still lying there on that field, Emi laughing and pulling me to my feet. She jabs me in the arm and tells me to look where I'm going if I'm going to run that fast, that I didn't see the girl I bumped into and fell. We laugh about it the whole way back to the changing rooms, then I wave goodbye and think about how silly I was.

	Usually, it's around that time that things go black and I hear some people mumbling about dosages and limited responses. That's when, I think, I'm really awake; if you can at all call that awake. It's hard to tell, because as soon as I start to figure out what's going on I'm back on the grass with Emi telling me another reason why I fell over. There was a hurdle I didn't notice left on the track, my shoelaces were untied, I was tired and I stumbled. I wish I could believe them. Always a different reason, but I can always hear that frantic, deafening pounding in my ears.

	The room was dark the first time I opened my eyes. The only way I could tell I'd managed to open them was by the light leaking through the gap in the door from the corridor beyond, and the small blinking numbers of the monitor beside me when I turned my head. Everything was spinning wildly, and it felt like my head was made of stone when I tried to lift it. Not one to be discouraged by a little obvious dehabilitation, I laid my palms flat on the bed and tried to force myself to sit up, but the effort made me cry out and fall back with fearfully little progress. The door swung open and the room was engulfed in light, but as soon as it was the world went black again, the silhouette of the nurse running to my bed disappearing as fast as it appeared.

	I'd figured it out by then, of course. I was in the hospital, and I must have done myself some serious damage on the field. Hindsight is 20/20, they say, so I don't see the point chastising myself now for it. Even now, with most of my senses having returned to me, I have no idea what had come over me to drive me to the point I'd come to. Normally, I'm cautious and very aware of my limitations. That day... yesterday? A week ago? A month? I don't know, but I do know I wasn't myself then.

	With a creak that seems as loud as a firework going off, the door swings open. Struggling, I open my eyelids to see my usual nurse with a clipboard and a tray, tightening a strap around my arm to do the usual checks. I managed to read her nametag last time she was here, Lin is her name. Time for introductions, Lin.

	Slowly, very slowly, my mouth opens and I force out a sound, 'H-hello... Li... Lin.' The clipboard crashes to the ground with a yelp from her I shock her so much. She looks at me for a while, eyes wide, and runs off out of the room. I barely have time to think about how rude it was she didn't say hello back before an important looking man in a white coat throws the door back open, with a trail of nurses behind him (Lin included). Standing at the end of the bed, he looks me up and down, and asks me how I am.

	'To be honest, d-doctor, I've... I've felt better.' I reply with a weak smile, but he doesn't look very amused. The rest of what I assume is the afternoon is spent with a plethora of questions about how I am, how I was, the details of the incident, the status of just about every organ I have, and he even manages to squeeze in a brief scolding before other arrangements take him elsewhere, leaving behind a mushy looking dinner brought in by a nurse. No solids, alas, I could really go for a nice custard tart after all this business. Still, the miso and the jelly afterwards taste as good as gourmet dining I'm so famished. It doesn't take me long to slip back asleep afterwards, a pang of fear going through me when I wonder how long it'll be before I wake up again.

	Thankfully, it's not long before the grass, the frantic beating and Emi disappear into blackness again, with a familiar voice in my ears.

	'Rika, are you awake?' Lilly asks, running her hand through my hair. I try to answer, but I don't have the energy just yet.

	'Maybe it was a bad idea to visit this early. The doctors said she just woke up yesterday.' Another familiar voice chimes in. The last voice I'd hoped to hear in my current condition, I just don't have the energy to worry.

	'Nonsense, Hisao. I imagine she'll be more than happy to see us, you'd like your friends to visit you if you were cooped up in a hospital all week.' Lilly replies, tsking. Hisao makes a very unhappy sound to that, but doesn't say anything. My eyes finally find the strength to open again.

	'Lilly, Nakai,' the trouble being now I can speak, I have no idea what to say, 'how'd you hear what happened?'

	'Half the school have heard what happened, Rika. You collapsed right in front of the school, Hanako said she saw the ambulance taking you away from her window. How are you feeling?' Lilly explains, much to my horror. I feel a chill going up my spine at the thought of the whole student body watching my unconscious self being loaded into an ambulance.

	'Weary. I was drilled with a million and one questions yesterday, I haven't really had the chance to think about how I feel. Soup here is good, at least, but the tea is just woeful. Tastes like boiled ash.' I reply, rambling a little to shake off the thought of all those eyes on me.

	'I'll treat you to the Shanghai tomorrow then, if you're sure you feel up to it.'

	'Tomorrow?' I'm confused, I've only just started to recover.

	'The doctors say that all you need is rest, as long as the nurse can check up on you. Early discharge is a perk of attending Yamaku in that regard.' Lilly laughs, or better described as a titters, at what I believe she meant as a joke. I laugh too, but Hisao is still silent. He hasn't said a word since I opened my mouth, in fact. I'm too busy fretting about returning so soon to take too much notice.

	'My sister Akira will be joining us, as will Hisao if he so wishes. You've met my sister already, haven't you?' Lilly elaborates, clasping her hands together and smiling in Nakai's direction, awaiting an answer. Nakai snaps out of whatever thought he was engaged in and stammers.

	'I, uh, yeah, I have. I'd love to.' Nakai rushes the answers out of mouth. There is something up with him, for certain. Just then, there's a ringing from a beige bag resting on the bed-table. Lilly quickly rummages through what I believe is her bag, and answers the phone inside.

	'Yes? Oh, of course,' Lilly speaks into the phone, before putting a hand over it and facing us again, 'I do apologize, but I have to take this call. I'll be back in a moment.' With that, Lilly heads out into the hall, cane tapping on the floor as she goes. Nakai and I are left alone together, and the silence is palpable. Pushing down the usual boiling and bubbling anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I decide to break it.

	'So, Nakai, I suppose you saw what happened as well?' I ask, surprisingly eloquently. Nakai was busy staring out the window, but he turns back at my question.

	'I was in the same room as Hanako, but no, I didn't. The whole class went the windows, though, so I heard enough about it.' He squirms in his chair like it's the most uncomfortable thing he ever sat on.

	'Why didn't you?'

	'Just didn't want to see that... sort of thing.' Nakai bows his head down at that. The pieces of Nakai's behaviour are starting to come together.

	'You mean... our condition?' The word "our" feels very, very strange on my tongue. Nakai's face suggests it sounds strange to him as well.

	'I guess so,' he pauses, but looks back up at me and continues, 'I was in a place like this not very long ago. A hospital, I mean. I collapsed, too. I don't have as good an excuse for it as you do.'

	The news surprises me, but it makes sense. It's probably how he ended up in the school, Nakai doesn't seem the type to attend a school like ours voluntarily. 'Oh? How'd your ticker give up on you?' I ask.

	'It's... I'll tell you another day.' Nakai trails off, but he's reminded of something by his wrist. He shows it to me. Looks like a...

	'You got one as well?' I asked, more shocked than I should be.

	'After what happened to you, the nurse insisted. He said if something happens when I'm out and they try to administer adrenaline or something, they can make it worse.' Nakai explains, unattaching the bracelet and inspecting it. I knew that myself, and I'm surprised nobody told Nakai before. It's what finally pushed me to get mine, as well. We sit there for a while, both looking at the spinning bracelet between us.

	"Cardiac Disease, Arrhythmia, Type 1 Long QT" is inscribed along it. It's almost the same as mine.

	Almost.

	Just then, the door opens again and Lilly reappears, the tapping announcing her arrival before she does. 'I'm sorry Rika and Hisao, it was my sister. She told me that she can't make it to tea tomorrow like we planned, something came up,' Lilly says, sounding a little somber, 'I'm afraid you'll have to meet her another time, Rika.'

	Nakai seems to notice her shift in mood as well. 'Are you alright, Lilly?'

	She looks up, seeming more upset we noticed her mood than by anything else, 'Yes, perfectly fine. I am afraid we'll have to go, class will be starting soon.'

	'It's that early?' I ask, genuinely shocked. I have lost my sense of time entirely.

	'I'm afraid so. I'll be back tomorrow to escort you home, Rika. Get well soon!' She calls out, as her and Nakai make their leave. Nakai especially seems happy at the excuse to get out of the place, and hurriedly says a a goodbye before trailing out behind Lilly.

	I'm left alone again, but at least I won't be here for much longer. I mean, I think I'm happy about it. The chill that set into my bones when Lilly told me everyone saw my fall still remains. There's nothing that can be done about that. I lean back in my bed, turning my head to look across the room. Instead, I see a glittering silver chain with a red cross on the table.

	Hisao has forgot his bracelet.