Thread 85: Stories 46-60

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 >Dash
"Fluttershy"
~~~~~

>Heeyyyy, Flutters? You're not going to believe it.

"I don't believe it."

>...

"...I was just trying to be supportive..."

>ANYWAY, you'll never guess what I got Twilight!

"Something sciency?"

>...

"...I'm not very helpful today..."

>No, you're not. But you know what IS helpful?... A RARE CEPHALOPOD!

"...A what?"

>I dunno, some kind of scittery thing, but it supposed to be SUPER good for science!

"...Wait..."

>AWESOME, eh?

"Wait a minute, cephalopod's are aquatic, where did you put it?"

>...Well, you remember that gift you were going to give her? The giant water tank?

"...D-daaaassshhhh..."

>...What's that sound?

"Daaaassshhhhhhh..."

>It sounds like-

SCEEEEE!

"..."

>...MY CEPHALOPOD!

"YOU STUCK YOUR SQUID IN A TANK I INFECTED, DASH!"

>...No no, cephalopod.

"IT"S A SQUID!"

>The guy said-

"SQUIDS ARE CEPHALOPODS!"

>....OOHHHHH, so that's why it looks like a deep one, that makes sense!

"EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG!"

>For you, I just got Twilight a deep one... sounds kickass to me.

"..."

>...I'm am optimist.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Minuette"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I'm not on my meds right now! Now for our main guest...MINUETTE!!!

"Hey Pink-"

>Great to see you, Minuette. Always nice to have new blood here. Are you doing well?

"Yeah, it's going-"

>Good, because that's the end of our show!

"That's it?"

>Sort of, I'm not really done yet.
Minuette wakes up with Pinkie spinning her tail hovering over her.
>Because I need to become friends with your friend, Moondancer.

"...While I'm wondering how you know Moondancer...how are you flying?"

>HAHAHAHA- Let's go.

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>AJ
“Haymaker”
~~~~

“You called, ma’am?”

>Indeed Ah’ did. Haymaker, righ’? Stallion that pretty much helped ol’ Blueblood straighten up?

“And not a single crack about my name, that’s why you’re my favorite princess.”

>Ah-what? Ah’ am? Fer’ somethin’ so simple?

“Princess Celestia’s made fun of my name. Princess Luna almost missed raising the moon one night because she was laughing at my name. And not just them, but damn near everyone, so yes, best princess for something so simple. However, to answer your previous question, I’m he. Do you require something?”

What she required, AJ didn’t say for a few seconds. Her left ear flickered with some delight at being called the ‘best’ anything.

The sensation soon passed and she cleared her throat.

>Y-yes, well… y’all know ya don’t hafta follow that clown princess ‘round, righ’? Ah’m only makin’ mention ‘cause Ah’ see ya goin’ back an’ forth through the halls.

“Yeah, about that. Why isn’t that psycho behind bars? Or shackled to a dragon?”

>…Ah.

“Ah…what, ma’am?

>Ah’m gonna assume y’all done read her rather modestly sized file, yeah?

“You mean the four-hundred plus page folder bolted shut? Took about two days worth of solid reading, and half of that tome I’m sure was just made up on the spot.”

>Nope. All of it’s real. All of it happened.

“…I see. Even that bit about the peanut butter and the Gryphon?”

>Yup.

“Damn.”

>Now then, ‘sides the folder, how much d’y’all know ‘bout her personally?

“Nada. Which sounds good for my health. And my sanity.”

>Can’t argue wit’ that, heh. Cannot argue there. All Ah’m sayin’ is… give each apple a chance tuh’ mature ‘fore ya toss it. Trust me, learned that the hard way.

It was funny, and a little bit unnerving, when Haymaker saluted without another word on the subject.

“Yes, ma’am.”

There was no rebuttal.

No attempt to persuade her otherwise.

No roll of the eyes.

No reluctant sigh.

Just… simple, trusting compliance.

>Huh. That’s new.

“Ma’am?”

>Nothin’. Go on’ bout yer’ day, Haymaker. Happy Hearth’s Warmin’.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, princess.”

When he had gone from her, AJ finally let slip the smile she’d been hiding and giggled to herself.

>Y’all hear that…?

Her faint question echoed up and down the barren hallway.

>Ah’m best princess this Hearth’s Warmin’, hawh….


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Non-Canon
>Pinkie Pie
"AJ"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I get proud when it's actually late night! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!

"Howdy ya'll"

>Can you guess what I got you?

"Is it apple related?

>Uh...n-no.

"Oh that's too bad. Ah'd like to go back to my roots and get some apple pro-"

>That's the end of our show! I can't wait to see the present you got me!
AJ wakes up.

"...Ah still need to figure out how to match her gifts. Ah'm not gonna quit just yet."

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>Spike
"Rarity"
~~~~

>...

".."

>...I uh... was trying to look inconspicuous when I did this.

"Really. You were trying to look inconspicuous as you screamed 'nooooo' and tackled me to the ground as if I had a dirty bomb. That's your definition of 'subtle'."

>Be fair, I am one day going to literally be big enough to pick up a building, this is as subtle as I can hope to get.

"You are currently so small I could roll you into a ball and dunk you, you could make a little effort."

>..That was a little hurtful.

"Spike, focus."

>...Oh! Right! NOOOOO! DON'T! DON'T DO... whatever it was you were going to do!

"Oh hoo, Spikey-wikey... I did it thirty minutes ago."

>GODDAMN IT RARITY! What did you do!?

"I have set in motion a brilliant, devious, cunning plan of cunningness that is sure to outwit even the wittiest of wits with it's deviousness! It's brillitastic!"

>RARITY!

"Oh come now, like you wee going to make up the plans. Spikey-wikey? I say this as someone who deeply cares about you and would likely dive into tartarus itself to save you, your plans are terrible."

>I do not know if I should be heartwarmed or hurt by that.

"Go with the former, it makes me look better."

>Rar, I swear if you told anyone-

"Spike! I am ashamed of you! Thinking I would spill that darling's secrets! HRMPH! I would never! She is clearly struggling with her emotions right now in a very unhealthy way, to just go up and hurt her trust would cause catastrophic damage!"

>Well, as long as you didn't-

"BUT! We clearly cannot let her go on like this!"

>Yes we can! We so can! We can let her go on anyway she wants with this!

"Spike? Look me in the eyes right now and tell me she's handling this in a healthy manner, and not only will I dismantle my plan to the roots and admit I was a stupid fool to all of my friends, I will kiss you right on the lips, right here."

>...

"..."

>...Well... I mean, it's not HEALTHY what she's doing, but uh...

"..."

>...She might be able to... just because she doesn't normally handle stuff like...

"..."

>...She's not that bad!

"..."

>...The face-punching is technically considered unhealthy, but she stopped that eventually!

"..."

>She's not that...

"..."

>...This plan, what are the odds it's going to backfire horribly?

"Immensely!"

>...Why are you proud of that!? That's the opposite of what I wanted to hear!

"Oh, you wanted me to say 'It's going to be perfectly fine and nothing will go wrong?'"

>...Point. But you know, this really isn't any of your business, you aren't even really her friend.

"No, but you are, and she's special to you, and that makes her being happy important to me."

>...

"..."

>...You win this round you... you manipulator.

"And I didn't even need mind controlling powers to do it. Show's those funny bug things what for."

>...Well, I guess I kind of do want her to at least stop being so... horrible about it. If nothing else, we can help her deal with it in a more understanding way than 'shove it down and choke on it'.

"That's the spirit! Now, I've got it allllll planned out, and it's going to... hopefully go well but we're planning just in case."

>Smart. So...

"...Getting off me anytime soon?"

>Oh, right.

"Good, now..."

With that, she shot forwards, and planted a kiss right on his cheek for a second.

"Let's get going."

>...But I lost.

"Oh, so you did... but you're still Spikey-Wikey! Come come! So much to do!"

>...That mare can play me like a violin, and it hurts.

"Come!"

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>Actarius
"Suckerpunch"
~~~~~

>Welcome to the changeling Embassy, if you require information currently regarding the changeling species please step to the left and-

"HOLY SHIT!... Last Act!? Is that you!?"

>...Shit.

"Wha-how-who... since when!?"

>Please field all personal questions until a later time.

"Come on, don't be like that! When did you start working here?... HOW did you start working here!?'

>I applied and got hired. That is the end.

"Okay, you're not being very helpful here, why are you acting mad?"

>...

"...What?"

>...

"...Am I missing something? What?"

>...

"Stop that look! Damn, I just wanna punch you when you- OH RIIIIIIGGGHHHHHT! I forgot about that! Oh wow... you're still thinking about that time I punched you for ruining my moment? Dude, I had a moment, you ruined it, you deserved it."

>...

"You know what? Whatever, I was just supposed to drop off this note from the princess, and I will bid you adieu! Hrmph! Nerve of some guys, holding a grudge because you double-punched them one time. Pfft, jerk..."

SLAM!

>.................I'm gonna burn it all down someday.

'I'll get the gas!'

>NOT SERIOUS, BOSS!

'Once more, I am left limp and sad.'

>I'll go get you some candy.

'Oh ho! I'd love to get some sweet stuff from YOU!'

>Don't have any candy, I'd share if I did.

'...I hate this...'

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>2
"Luna"
~~~~

>...

"...Hello... child..."

>...Hiii...

"...We uh... we are not used to being left alone with thee."

>Your hair is pretty.

"We thank thee! It is rather nice."

>...

"..So, thou art a changeling... how is that working out for thee?"

>It bugs me sometimes.

"..."

>...

"...Uh huh..."

>...Ya' want a marchmalley?

"...SISTER! WE ARE NOT GOOD WITH CHILDREN!"

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>Twilight
"Applejack"
~~~~

>Applejack? I'm worried.

"About the giant wanderin' supermonster, the Queen who's sanity ya' ain't never sure about, the zombie student who done fucked up and has now been both a bipedal demon thing and a giant monster, the unstable best friend o' ours who once turned a dang city inta' a funhouse o' horrors, or the fact Celly's bout ready ta' burn it all down?"

>What? No no, I'm late on my hearth's warming shopping, it's the worst!

"..."

>...What?

"Yer' priorities are an inspiration, Ah' want ya' ta' know."

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>13
"Sweet Note"
~~~~~

"... So does this just-"

>YES! Yes, for the last time, YES, the fires just find me! No, I do not know how the exact chemical composition for spontaneous combustion just so happened to be in this this glass of wine, no, I do not know what the odds are someone would put a candle right there and light it at the exact moment of ignition, and NO! I DO NOT KNOW WHY THE SEAGULL CARRIED THE TORCH! IT! JUST! HAPPENS!

"..."

>...

"...You should ask the restaurant for compensation. I mean, you were injured on their property thanks to their wineglass, you're entitled to some kind of reparation for bodily harm sustained by their carelessness of buying a wine that had a one in a million chance of exploding."

>...You think I should?

"Girl, they give you a free lunch if you find a hair, what the fuck you think they're gonna do after setting you on fire!?"

>...Huh... I uh... I never really... thought about that.... huuuhhh...

"..."

>...I like you.

"Thanks!"

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 >29
"MM"
~~~~

>FOUL THING!"

"Oh hush."

>I am thine assistant in matters of the state! I AM NOT A BAG BOY!

"And yet, there you are, carrying all my bags. Hrm... it looks to meeee..."

>CRUEL!

"Oh hush and hold this too."

>I have no limbs left-... Ah hah, ah hah, thine hilariousness knows no bounds.

He couldn't see her laugh, mostly due to the bag blocking his view, dangling from his horn.

"Wow, you changelings are so handy!"

>Hate.

"I mean, the wings, the horn, even the holes I can stuff all my stocking stuffers!"

>Haaate.

"Oh hush, you know you love being useful."

>I AM A LING WORTHY OF ROYALTY!

"And royals appreciate usefulness."

>...

"..."

>...Choke on it.

"Are you offering? Didn't think you wanted thato big of a reward for carrying some bags."

>DO NOT START!

"Oh, fine, I promise I won't be as bad as that guy, but I have to admit I enjoy this side of you!"

>HATE!

"Oh, shoot, I have one bag left..."

>HA! I have no limbs or extrusions remaining! Thine bag shall have to be carried by yourself! HA HA HA!

"..."

>...Why do I feel a tugging on my tail?

"..."

>....HAAAATTTTEEEEEE!

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NC
>Luna
"Celestia"
~~~~

"What on earth is the problem? You deal with kids all the time."

>Yes, but they aren't... you know...

"..."

>...You knooowww...

"...No, I don't, what?"

>You're really going to make me say it?

"Yes, I am, because I am unaware and need clarification."

>Sister don't be like that.

"No no, go on, tell me."

>...

"..."

>...She's...

"..."

>...She's a... you know...

"..."

>...SHE'S A RELATIVE, OKAY!? We wanna be Lunauntie too, just like you're Auntielestia! But we're afraid we will be scary!"

"...oh... OHHHHHHHHHH! Oh oh ohhhhh! No yeah, that makes sense, I see why you would be worried."

>Why, what did thou think we meant?

"...That uh..."

>...

"...that you were worried because she was aaaaa...."

>...

"...aaaaadopted. I remember how that was back in the day."

>Oh, we see. Yes, well, we got over THAT little prejudice a long, long time ago.

"Good to hear it!"

>Just like we got over her being a dirty Chigger some time ago!

"WAIT WHAT!?"

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 >AJ

>...Huh, why do 'ah feel this sudden urge to beat the shit outta some lazy debts collector...?

>....Some pony's not payin' their taxes, that's what!

"PD"
~~~~~

"SHE KNOWS!"



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>AJ
"PD"

SMASH

>PAY DENBTS

"NO! THIS SOUVLAKI IS TOO IMPORTANT! IT'LL REVOLUTIONIZE EQUESTRIA!

>...Wait, what's that meat made of?

"...F-fiiiish?"

>...

"I may have done things I'm not proud of."

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>Zecora
"Trixie"
~~~~~

>...

"...Trixie does not understand."

>I need a favor from my friend, that's you. I need it done quickly, and every word spoken true.

"Yeah, I get that, I just don't get why Trixie personally has to do all your shopping."

>Normally for me it is not an issue, there is little I shop for... spare the tissue. I am happy this year I have so many new whom I wish to give. But, unfortunately, there is a slight issue thanks to the way I live.

"They said they stopped hiding from you."

>And indeed they have! Ponyville has been most kind. But come not, to not see my problem you would have to be blind.

"..."

>...

"...Hard to shop when you can only do it in rhyme?"

>SO MUCH! SO VERY MUCH! So, I need another mare's touch. Otherwise my past mistakes I will just repeat, and somehow someway I end up with a crate of beet. You don't know what it's like not being able to buy certain things, all because in my head no rhyme to it rings! And ordering them in pairs is even worse than that, it's like trying to catch that one pesky fly that just will not splat. No standing still and always trying to follow, but in the end your pride you just have to swallow.

"..."

>...So do my shopping.

"Alriiiiiight, but only because you gave Trixie the good stuff! HRMPH!"

>...

"...WAIT A MINUTE!"

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>DT
"SS"
~~~~
DT plants a mine in the snow.
>Whew

"What are you up to? It's getting dark."

>I ordered too many frag mines and eventually realized that unless I expect somepony to walk on top of them, they're not going to get much use, so I'm trying to make them useful.

"...I'm a little scared to ask what you're using them for."

>Something really cool, that's for sure. I've been setting mines like dominoes, and at the end is a pile of 40 mines with a barrel on top.

"...what's in the barrel?"

>Just what I needed. Now stand back!
She calmly tosses a large rock on the mine.
*BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM*
Two pair of eyes follow along as the mines quickly explode going left and right.
>...yes.
*BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM*
>....yes.
*BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-KABOOOM*
>YEEEEES!!!
The mines reach the end and launching the barrel into the sky. She salutes shedding a slight tear.
>It's beautiful.
They both look up and up.
>Equestria...fuck yeah.
The barrel explodes forming the words Hi Silver Spoor
>Damn, I guess I messed up the n. Sorry.

"You went through all that effort just to say hi?"

DT shrugs and gave a matter of fact
>Yeah.

"We see each other almost everyday."

>So?

"Pffft hahaha you can be so sweet, but you're crazy."

>Well, who's the crazier one? The crazy girl, or the friend who follows her?

"Touche."

>Well?

"...Hi DT"

They both smile.
>"Bump bump sugar lump rump!"

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