A Meeting with the Principal

“Thank you for meeting with me under such short notice, Mr. and Mrs. Loud.”
>Rita wasn’t having a good day.
>First, she hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, so right off the bat her morning was shot.
>Then there was breakfast, a normally tumultuous affair in the Loud House to begin with but for some reason exceptionally arduous this go around, what with Lana upending a plate of syrupy pancakes on her twin sisters new dress after one of Lola’s out of line insults; so yeah, that took a hot minute to deal with.
>The rest of the girls were no better, scrambling about and trying to get their stuff in order.
>Rita swore it didn’t use to be so difficult, but then that probably had something to do with Lori and Lincoln handling everything.
>Now that Lori was off to college that left her and Lynn to sort things out; Lincoln had otherwise made himself unavailable by taking the initiative and walking to school with Lynn Jr. every morning.
>Rita wasn’t particularly pleased about that – one because she thought it was dangerous and two because Lincoln was so good at wrangling his little sisters up and stopping fights – but then she couldn’t exactly forbid him without looking like a hypocrite.
>She secretly suspected he was just trying to get out of the house as quickly as possible and duck out of his responsibilities.
>Of course, even after she’d dropped off the kids at their schools that didn’t mean the day was going to stop. No, she had to go to work!
>Spending her day wrist deep in some stranger’s cavity filled maw wasn’t exactly her choice of a good time, but it was usually relaxing enough.
>No, it was usually her asshole boss that put her in a foul mood, and he was being especially dickish this morning, hovering over her while she worked like she hadn’t been a dentist for over a decade now.
>Like, I know what I’m doing, piss off!
>The clientele was also bad, bunch of brats and even whinier adults that didn’t take care of themselves like they should and then want to complain about how much it costs to get a root canal. Like she comes up with the prices!?
>Honestly by the time her shift was over she was about half-dead and wanted nothing more than to drag her sorry butt back home and collapse on the sofa for an hour or two.
>And that’s about when she got the phone call.
“It was no problem ma'am,” Lynn Sr. replied, pulling out one of the two chairs set before the principal’s desk and motioning for his wife to take a seat.
>As she sank down into the stiff metal chair Rita wanted nothing more than to bury her face into her hands and groan.
>This wasn’t the first time she’d been in a principal’s office – hell, it wasn’t the first time she’d been in this very office – and she had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last either.
>Oh yes, she was no stranger to these beige walls.
>From Lori’s lunchtime scuffles with some other girl – Caroline? Carly? – Leni’s notorious bad grades, Luna taking over the intercom to play classic dad rock, Luan’s April Fools shenanigans – those poor, poor children – and that’s not even scrapping the surface of all of Lynn Jr.’s various fights, brawls, quarrels, scraps, and other minor infractions.
>Oh yes, Rita had seen her fair share of school summons, and she bore them the best a mother could regarding the circumstances… but this?
“Hmm, yes,” the woman that sat before her muttered, her eyes never leaving the papers spread out over the desk.
>Principal Ramirez had been the woman in charge since Luna first started Middle School, and Rita liked to think after all the ‘good times’ they’d had she’d built up something of a rapport with her.
>She wasn’t necessarily a disciplinarian, but she took his job seriously and wore the suit and tie with the best of them.
>And right now? She didn’t look happy.
>Which meant neither was Rita.
“Didn’t expect to be back here again so soon,” Lynn joked, but his well-meaning chuckle trailed off when he caught Rita’s glare from the corner of his eyes.
>In his seat the principal lifted an eyebrow but made no comment, eyes quickly flashing back to the files.
>After a few more seconds of stilted silence the woman sat up and brushed some of the other papers aside, leaving the one in the center which she kept open.
>Her son’s name in bright red ink at the top of the papers mocked Rita.
“Right then,” Ramirez muttered, her eyes flicking between the pair of them. “I trust you realize the... severity of the situation here?”
>Rita stiffened at his words and she and Lynn shared a quick look before he turned back to the principal, a sheepish grin on his face as he rubbed the back of his head.
“Err, of course! That is, we understand that it’s never a good thing to be called into the principal’s office! Believe me, we don’t—"
“Principal Ramirez,” Rita interrupted, sitting up in her seat, “what exactly did Lincoln do?”
>Aaaaaaand there it was.
>The crux of the issue.
>Rita had seen teachers and principals alike more times than she cared to admit, at least thrice for each of her daughters aside from little Lily.
>But if there was one thing she took comfort in, one thing she prided herself on, it was that her little boy was the sweetest, most well behaved of the bunch.
>So, you can imagine how she felt when she got that call to come into the office today on her son’s behalf.
>The drive was the worst part, neither her nor Lynn aware of what had happened but worried all the same, a thousand and one horror scenarios flashing through their minds as they made their way to the Middle School.
>That worry soon gave way to irritation when they got there and saw Lincoln and some girl – a pretty little thing with long hair styled into a braid – sitting there outside the waiting room, his legs pulled up to his chest and red-faced as the day he was born.
>Before they even got the chance to grill him, they were called into the office, and to be perfectly frank Rita had long passed the grace period.
>She wanted answers and she wanted them now.
>Following her outburst, Lynn Sr. and the principal glanced at each other for a second before the she coughed into a fist and sat up straight.
“Right then. Well, Mrs. Loud, this is a very... delicate situation your son has been found in.”
“...what kind of delicate situation?” Lynn asked, leaning forward in his chair.
“The kind of delicate situation that ruins reputations and leads to lawsuits,” the woman replied in no uncertain terms.
>Rita literally felt her heart skip a beat.
>She knew it. She knew it, she knew it, she knew it.
>She knew Lincoln had been acting up lately. Staying up late, getting short with his sisters, talking back.
>Lynn had told her it was nothing, just a growing boy trying to find himself, but she knew something was wrong.
>What had happened to her sweet baby boy? That little bundle of joy that helped her plant flowers in the front yard, the well-mannered young man that was always happy to help out around the house. Was it really just hormones and puberty that turned Lincoln into this... this troublemaker!?
>Or was it something else?
“Please, ma'am,” Rita suddenly snapped, leaning forward and placing her hands on the desk, “I need to know. What’s happening here? Is he in trouble? Is it his grades, did he get in a fight? Is it... is it drugs? Gangs!? Just what has my baby boy gotten himself into!”
>The next few seconds after her impassioned plea were rife with silence as the principal mulled over her words, obviously trying to come up with the words to break this down for her as candidly and professionally as she was able.
“The Janitor caught your boy and that girl out there having sex in the utility closet.”
>Rita sat there, ramrod straight and mouth hanging open, trying and failing to comprehend what she’d just heard.
“Yep,” the principal continued, an tense grin on her face as she picked up the manilla folder on the desk and rifled through the pages. “They were really going at it; your boy doesn’t pussyfoot around. Janitor actually went and petitioned for new cleaning supplies, said as a sanitation worker he’d never be able to forgive himself for the mess they left in that room. Some stains just don’t come out apparently!
>In the other chair Lynn let out a breath of relief and splayed out in his seat.
“Oh, thank God,” he laughed, “I was worried it was something serious!”
>Quick as a flash Rita rounded on him, eyes ablaze and teeth bared.
“THIS IS SERIOUS, LYNN!”
>While Lynn cowered, a cough caught their attention and the two parents turned to face the principal, once again favoring them with a stern, authoritative glare.
“Oh yes, this is serious. Very serious as a matter of fact. I’m sure you’ll both agree that something like this could get quite messy if not handled appropriately, and this is only the beginning!”
“Mrs. Ramirez, I...”
>Whatever Rita was about to say stopped short as the gears in her mind went a’ turning and her face fell as his words caught up to her.
“...what do you mean, ‘only the beginning?’”
>Principal Ramirez slapped the manila folder onto the desk as hard as she could and leaned forward, face tightened into a scowl as she loomed over the startled parents.
“What I mean, Mrs. Loud, is that this apparently isn’t the first time your son has snuck off to the janitor’s closet for a little hanky-panky!”
“N-n-not the f-first time?” Rita whispered, her face as pale as her son’s hair.
“...hanky-panky?” Lynn Sr. muttered; his face scrunched up in confusion.
“Oh yeah,” the woman continued, grabbing at the other folders she’d brushed aside earlier. “When we caught those two earlier, we thought it’d b a quick case, one in done. But little Miss Jordan, pressured by expulsion, let loose some startling information.”
>Principal Ramirez spread the folders out and opened each one, turning them towards the Loud parents.
>Rita and Lynn counted ten girls, each one wildly different, and not a single one with a rap sheet before this day on their permanent record.
“Turns out your son is a bit more popular than we might’ve thought,” the woman snarked as she spread out her arms. “Miss Jordan was quite forthcoming; a little grilling and she spilled the beans on the whole operation.”
>Lynn picked up one of the folders, gave it a once-over, then turned back to the principal with a raised eyebrow.
“Huh?”
>Ramirez slapped herself in the face and sighed.
“Girls pay your son for sex.”
“HUH!?”
“Yep. Money, comic books, video games, cheat sheets for tests, whatever they got he’ll take.”
>Lynn’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.
“My son’s a pimp!?” he shouted, face red as a Christmas light.
“Oh no! No, no, no, Mr. Loud; your son isn’t a pimp,” Ramirez said, calmly folding her arms on the desk as she favored the parents with a small smile.
“He’s a whore.”
“WHAT!”
“Or gigolo, whichever you prefer.”
>While Lynn sat there, mouth agape and eye twitching, Rita rocked in her seat, hands pressed against her head as she muttered to herself.
“This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. How can this be happening?”
“Funny you asked that,” Ramirez continued, stacking all the folders into a neat little pile. “According to our recent interviews with Miss Jordan out there we can conclude this all started sometime at the beginning of this school year, when a little incident in the gym revealed to all the girls taking part in this debauchery that Lincoln Loud had, and I quote, ‘a dick the size of a can of Monster Energy drink.’”
>Here Ramirez looked back at Lynn Sr. and gave the man a nod.
“So, yeah, congratulations... I guess...”
>Lynn Sr. stiffly nodded back and mumbled something unintelligible.
>Rita took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and let it all out in one great shuddering groan.
>This didn’t feel real, none of this felt real, she didn’t feel real!
>This couldn’t be happening, hot her baby boy. He was only thirteen! Thirteen-year-olds don’t... they don’t do this! Not hers!
>Sure, he was getting older, and a little moodier, but he wasn’t a bad boy; he was her sweet little Lincoln.
>Except, evidently, not at all.
>Not anymore.
>The slamming of the office door shook her from her self-loathing and both parents jumped at the noise.
>A strange looking man, all tall and thin, came waltzing right on in like he owned the place, and from the grey outfit and barrel full of cleaning supplies he dragged behind him it didn’t take three guesses to tell this must be the very janitor that had first stumbled upon the Loud boy and his little escapades to begin with.
“Ah,” Principal Ramirez chirped as she looked up at the sanitation worker, “Mr. Sheepshag, what seems to be the trouble?”
>To Rita’s further mortification her husband snorted.
>The janitor’s eyes narrowed on Lynn Sr. as the man chuckled, and Rita blanched when the odd fellow lifted a hooked hand to scratch at his scraggly beard.
“Gonna need more bleach ‘n stuff,” the man slurred, “we done run out. And get the good shit this time, those stains ain’t coming out and the kids are complaining about the smell!”
>Rita felt like she was going to cry.
>Principal Ramirez groaned into her hands for a second before fixing the surly janitor with a baleful glare.
“What do you mean we’re out? We had three bottles left, that should’ve been enough!”
>The janitor merely chuckled and pointed out the still open door and into the waiting room with his hook.
“For the closet? Sure. But that sweet li’l secretary you done hired stepped out for a minute and I guess that scrawny albino took the opportunity to get to know his girl in the marital sense...”
>Silence filled the room as the three adults just looked at each other.
>The janitor sighed and shook his head.
“I mean they was fuckin’! Caught ‘em in the act, again! Left a hell of a mess too.”
“Oh Goddammit!” Principal Ramirez snapped, slamming her fists into the desk before facing the abashed parents sitting in front of her with a steely glare.
“Listen up! I don’t think I need to tell you both that we don’t tolerate this kind of behavior at this school. Now under normal circumstances I would have just expelled the both of them, but now the situation has become delicate.”
>Leaning back in her seat the principal sighed, massaging her temples for a bit before shaking her head.
“A scandal like this, with all these girls involved, some from very well-off families in the case of Miss Rosato and Miss Ketchum, would be nothing short of devastating. Our school would be put under scrutiny, I might very well lose all credibility, maybe even my job...”
>Rita’s heart sank, not only at her words but her tone.
>She sounded like a broken woman, all those times Lynn beat some other kid up or whenever Luan stuck a firecracker behind the toilet were nothing compared to this.
>She had to make this right; she’ll do whatever it takes.
>She glanced at Lynn and could tell he felt the same.
"Mrs. Ramirez,” Lynn began as he leaned forward in his seat, “tell us, what can we do. To fix this I mean. Please, we’ll do anything for our boy. If this got out... well, it’d be bad, you’ve made that perfectly clear. So just let us know what we can do, and we’ll do it.”
>The principal sat there for a few seconds, breathing hard as she collected himself, and when she finally turned her attention back to them it was a tight-lipped, empty expression.
“Nothing.”
>Rita blinked and tilted her head, next to her Lynn coughed.
“...er, I’m sorry?”
“Nothing,” Ramirez repeated, nodding her head. “You’ll do nothing. Nobody will do anything. We’ll just...”
>The principal brushed her hands against his desk in a sweeping motion and then folded them neatly as she leaned forward in her seat.
“...we’ll just sweep this under the rug. Brush the whole thing off. What happened here today doesn’t leave this office.”
>Rita opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again.
“B-but—”
“Here’s the thing,” she interrupted, “none of the other parents want this getting out, and neither do I, frankly. There’s reputations on the line, names are at stake, and your boy stands to lose quite a bit more than the others if you catch my drift...”
>Rita’s eyes narrowed.
>That was a threat.
>She didn’t like threats, not to her children.
>Ramirez must have cottoned on to this – likely from the expression the mother's face – and she quickly retracted with hands raised.
“Not from me, of course! I’ll probably be up shit’s creek without a paddle. But let’s just say there’s more than a few angry fathers looking to have a word with your son out there.”
>With a sigh the principal pressed her hands together and pointed at the both of them.
“Listen, I’ll be frank. I don’t really care what or who your son does, so long as it’s on his time. When it’s during school hours on school property? Now we have a problem. So if you can just sign on to this little... nondisclosure agreement we have here, and maybe talk to your boy about conducting his business literally anywhere else, I think we can all walk out of this with what’s left of our reputations intact.”
“What about my bleach?”
“YOU’LL GET YOUR BLEACH SIR!”
“Don’t you snap at me!”
>While the janitor and principal argued Rita and Lynn looked at each other.
>Both were tired, and more than a little disappointed, and both obviously wanted this whole thing to just end.
>Neither were especially happy, but all things considered this could have ended up so much worse; Ramirez wasn’t lying when he said this could ruin all theirs reputations, and the though of news vans pulling up in front of their house wasn’t at all appealing to either of them.
>The two of them nodded, and when they looked back Lynn caught the principal’s attention with a cough and a “Ma'am?”.
>The principal cut off the belligerent menial worker with a raised hand and when she looked at Lynn Sr. the man nodded his head.
“We understand. We’ll talk to Lincoln. Thank you for giving us this chance to correct his behavior.”
>Ramirez sorted at that but smiled all the same. Finally, something was going right for a change.
>Not that she was worried they wouldn’t agree. All things considered it was harder to get the girl’s parents to just let it slide, but once she made it clear how many other girls were part of this, and just how big of a scandal it would be, they quickly came around to her line of thinking.
>Yes, much better to just let this sort of thing die down. Now they just need to keep a close eye on those girls and Mr. Big Dick out there to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
“I want to see my son,” Rita suddenly stated, and her tone would broker no argument.
>Ramirez nodded and motioned to the janitor. The sanitation worker scowled a bit at being put off so easily but did what he was told and stuck his head out the door.
“Oi, twig boy, get in here!”
>There was the squeak of a chair from out in the waiting room, the shuffling of shoes on carpet, and finally the peeking of snow-white hair from around the corner as Lincoln ducked into the office, his head hung low as he shuffled in.
>Four pairs of eyes watched him as he slunk in and stood there, laid bare before his makers.
>In the metaphorical sense, thankfully. He’d pulled his pants back up.
>Rita could feel her heart sink as she looked at him.
>This wasn’t her baby boy anymore, not as she knew him. Her Lincoln didn’t get in trouble, her Lincoln didn’t get called into the principal’s office, her Lincoln didn’t fuck trashy girls for money!
“Are you proud of yourself?” Rita heard herself ask, her voice tight and even.
>Lincoln looked up and blanched when he saw his mother’s face, worry lines taut with fury and eyes blazing.
“Do you feel like a big boy, feel like a man? Well I hope you’re happy, I really do. If it weren’t for us you would’ve ruined not only your reputation, but all those girls’ too.”
>Rita turned in her seat and leaned forward, her face only inches from her teenage sons’ as she glared him down.
“What were you thinking!? No, don’t answer that, because you weren’t! You weren’t thinking! You gave away your innocence for comic books and video games!”
>There was silence for a moment, and Rita finally leaned back with a sigh and stared down at her son.
“Well? Don’t you have anything to say for yourself!?”
>Lincoln stared at her for a second, mouth agape, then his roving eyes quickly glanced around the room; first to the principal, who looked just as disappointed, then to his father and the janitor, who were both giving him a thumb’s up.
>Lincoln swallowed, nodded his head, and took a deep breath before looking back at his mother.
“...shit mom, it was worth it.”