17x24 AU mykr, 10

[ 10. ]


Maya didn’t hear what the teacher try to say for the remainder of the time. Junna-sensei handed the brochures and files for Maya to read in case she’s interested, yet the brunette’s mind has been blanked from the beginning when Junna mentioned about scholarship.

Scholarship is not a bad deal—it is a great opportunity for anybody to pursue their studies even more. You won’t need to worry about tuition since everything is covered; your school fee, your daily expenses, your trip to the said country of scholarships and back – as long as you keep on the good grades and good attitude, all is well for you and for your alma mater.

An image of a girl who’s being left out after a certain person leaving is fresh in her mind. No matter how many times she told herself that it is no one’s fault, she could still feel the darkness.

The loneliness belonged to a little girl that’s natural to happen.

All the while Maya has thought that being alone is bearable, her heart won’t cooperate at times.

There’s a part of her that wanted for Claudine to take the blame.

There’s a part of her that wanted for her parents to take the blame.

She wanted to blame the world for leaving her to rot all by herself, framed in her world of solitude for years and to the years that has yet to come.

Then again, it is wrong to blame the world—also Claudine—for her own selfish woes. The world is not there to bow at her.

When Maya arrived home with her head hung low, Claudine is happened to be there early, opening the doors to see the glum Maya after answering the door.

“Welcome back.”

Claudine’s words were soft. It is a greeting that Maya didn’t think she would hear after seven years as no one is living with the brunette. But now, at times Claudine is home earlier than Maya, the older woman would open the door for her, welcoming her back and asked whether Maya wanted something particular for dinner or if she wanted to rest early.

Maya didn’t lift her face yet, but she guessed that the blonde’s face should be marred with worry.

The word ‘scholarship’ is ever-present glaring inside her mind right now and she hated it.

Claudine took Maya’s hand after a little tug to her sleeve, guided the silent brunette into the house and closed the door.

Why she—Tendou Maya—showing a weakness to her? Tendou Maya should always be clad in iron mask and iron armor.

“I’m kind of swamped with work so I can’t cook tonight, but I’ll order pizza,” Claudine said. “Just go back to your room and rest, I’ll call you downstairs once it’s arrived.”

The blonde didn’t bother to ask Maya whether something is wrong, Maya doesn’t know if that is a thing she should be relieved about or not. Nevertheless, she bought Claudine’s kindness for giving her a space and head straight to her room; no words exchanged and no gratefulness said.


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Little Maya always looked up to Claudine; a high school, independent, smart, energetic Saijou Claudine from the next door.

Claudine always get her top grades on every time Maya heard stories from mom’s gossips. Claudine is good with French despite living longer in Japan rather than in France.

Claudine is great in her PE. Claudine can dance well, Kaoruko-neechan said.

Claudine can teach anyone on anything, Karen-neechan said.

Once, it occurred to the Little Maya as of why someone like Claudine bothered to play with a little kid like her, aside from the request to pick her up after school. Claudine is perfect already - why bother to be there for a lonely little kid as if it is her sworn duty?

Maya remembered asking the question to Kaoruko and Karen, one time when Claudine is away for a bit from the living room.

“Maybe because you’re adorable?” Karen’s answer is a bit on wild side, when Maya thought about it now. Her little self was puzzled to hear that word, though.

“I do think any kids who’s well-behaved is adorable, Karen-han.” Kaoruko chirped. The bluenette hummed, racking for an answer.

“Oh! Kuro-chan must’ve wanted Maya-chan to be her friend!”

“Umm Karen-han, that doesn’t really answer the question.” Kaoruko sighed. “But it seems to be a plausible one. Kuro-han wanted to be your friend.”

“Friend?” Little Maya repeated.

Karen nodded, an emphasis. “Friend.”

“And not just Kuro-han, we also wanted to be your friends, too, Maya-chan~” the bluenette grinned. She looked over to the pigtailed girl beside her and Karen offered an identical sheepish grin.

Karen then gathered Maya’s hands on hers, “We’ll always help you because we’re friends, Maya-chan!”

.

Friends. Maya murmured under her breath, inaudible to Claudine who’s getting the pizza from the front door. But after Claudine left, Kaoruko and Karen disappeared as well.

Perhaps they ran out an option to simply go and greet her after what had happened – Maya rejected Claudine after she’s truthfully telling Little Maya that she would leave, Kaoruko and Karen only did their part to not cause any additional damage.

Then now, as Maya and Claudine started to patch things up, the similar mention of their connection is breaking lies.

Of course Maya could say no, but not about her parents. Once the news reached them, Maya must be taking the opportunity with her.

And whatever they are having right now will cease to void.

Maya stopped breathing for a few seconds, the steps echoed from Claudine’s trotting against the wooden floor seemed to be slowed.

Why Maya feels … ‘bad’? If they are about to be separated, it’s not like they can’t meet again. What is she so afraid of? Why she could only think that everything is going to be downhill from now? What is this heaviness she’s sensing? Why-

“… Maya?”

Claudine’s warm garnet eyes stared squarely to her lilac. Finally, Maya witnessed the older woman’s worry to her silence.

The pizza box is open in front of them, but the waft of pepperoni and tomato sauce didn’t gauge her taste buds at all.

“Did something happen?”

Claudine inched closer to the space of sofa where Maya is. The couch is long enough for even four people, Maya would take the left end when Claudine either picked the right end or the center end when she’s working on the coffee table. Their distance right now is close to touch, a foot away from each other, with Claudine’s face tilted to seek Maya’s face from the side.

What can Maya say to Claudine, really? That she’s swallowing a karma pill? That she’s torn between crossing gates between hell and heaven?

Maya knew Claudine was torn for leaving the little girl all those years ago and she’s still regretting it. Then again, they have agreed to start everything over; to keep the past behind to remember while looking forward to a better future.

This might be the only time for atonement. This might be the only time that they’ll happen to be in the same place like this. This is the only time they can be together.

If either one of them leave right now, Maya concluded, nothing will stays the same.

But, Maya didn’t know why she arrived at such conclusion.

“Oh, it’s … alright if you don’t want to tell me, but let me say this,” the blonde woman cleared her throat. She squeezed on Maya’s hand on her lap.

“I’m always all ears.” Her tone is strong, yet it serves as a calming effect to Maya somehow. “Please remember that I’ll always be your ally no matter what happens, Maya.”

"Why are you so kind to me?”

“We’re friends." Claudine breathed. Her expression is gentle. "That fact won’t change even after seven years.”

[ Kuro-neechan will never lie – she won’t. She’s always, always- ]

“Right.” The brunette’s lips is numb after approving that. Claudine gave Maya’s hand yet another assuring squeeze. “We’re friends.”

Her throat felt tight and unbearably dry for some reason, the brunette swallowed hard. She could sense her heart dropped. It wasn’t one of a relief. She didn’t know why she is not relieved to hear the word ‘friends’ from Claudine; it is not from Kaoruko or Karen, it /is/ from Claudine herself.

Why?

What did Maya expect?