Letter to Xenthos: Tiso's Story

Am bad at talking and telling things in order when is me sitting with a persons. So I am writing this down, so that you can read and maybe understand why is so impossible to talk about. Is long and unhappy, and I do not like to share because I do not want to make anyone unhappy. But Ilistala was brave and let her story be told even though it was painful, because you said you thought it was important. And do not know if my story is important at all, but wanted to tell it, just in case it might be.


My name is Gurashi.

My name used to be Tisohepsut - but my friends called me Tiso. And I grew up in the Neferti Hives, with my best friend Khepqet. And I had other best friends from Mumhatuti - Amun, and his 'sister' Nepra. They both remind me of wasps, in Tiso's memory. And we got along fine. Did mention were best friends? And did everything together.

Khepqet did not want to be a princess, but Nepra did, and Amun was DEFINITELY going to be a Prince, and I think I wanted to be a cook because royal things sounded too complex. We do not get to choose, but we are told when we are young. Khepqet was my friend when I was small, but then Amun became my better friend as I got older. I did not notice the difference but Khepqet did, and it made her sad. And I guess Amun started to like me, and I did not know this but it did not matter because never changed any things.

Nepra's OTHER friend who was ALSO a Princess, Pipui, liked me, but I did not know this either. It is weird finding out that so many people have feelings for you and you had no idea **a note scribbled above this - 'guess am not so very observant now either' accompanying the name 'Ollie' and a :T** When I grew up, I was supposed to stay in Neferti, but I got moved to Akhari instead to be a Drone to make Queens, and it was not good. I do not remember it, but think my body must because of way that react when peoples touch me -now-, and has been like that ever since came through Portals, and could never explain. Though was just because was bug. **several lines crossed out thoroughly, the words 'disappointing' about all you can make out** nyway did the maths and think I must have **more crossed out lines**

Amun was very, very clever. I think you would have liked him very muchly. He had same levels of patience and determination that you do. Knew that could not just come and steal me away - is not how real lifes work. So he did -paperworks- for many months and got into many disagreements with other kephera peoples and finally managed to change seats from Mumhatuti to Akhari and he -saved- me, and I did not know it was because he loved me but I was really very happy because I got to be his note-taker-persons instead of Drone. I do not understand it as I do now, but I could feel when was remembering what Tiso felt, that I think I -must- have liked him back. Because he was very good to me, and took care of me, and kept me safe, and was very nice and patient and **the ink here is again smeared** do not know him, but, I miss him because Tiso misses him.

Pipui finally got to be a Princess (???) and so her decisions were more important than Amun's, and she wanted me to stop being his note-taker and so THEN Amun was going to be very clever but also, very fast, and so we were going to run away. Follow one of convoys to surface that leaves every other month. No big deals. Leave and disappear and it would have been fine.

But then Khepqet found out, and Khepqet was still my best friend and she did not want me to go. And she told Nepra, and Nepra told Queen Neferti, and Queen Mumhatuti found out, and **the ink is again ruined, smeared from liquid, a visible attempt to clean it up** then they made Amun and Tiso gather in front of hive. Amun tried to argue because was Miss Pipui who was abusing rules, but Mumhatuti didn't listen because he was being very 'disrespectful' to her, and so she killed him, and Nepra was upset, and Khepqet was upset and since Khepqet was the one who told, Queen Mumhatuti made her pick what to do with me, and she decided to exile me instead of kill me, which I think was very nice with her, but Tiso is still pretty upset about all of it.

But Nepra did not like it, because Amun had to die, but I did not, and so she was very hurt because HER best friend killed her brother and gave me easier time and must **more smeared ink**ot fair. Simply is not fair. Know that, and feel very badly for it, and is not something that I can ever fix, do not think. Nepra still lives down there, somewhere. So does Pipui and Khepqet. But not Amun. And not Tiso, technically, though Tiso never technically died, he just turned into me. But everybody remembers him very clearly, and can feel him because in the Hive we can all feel each other all the time even if are not always aware of it. But am Sileni right now, so can no longer feel the Hive, is just me and him, and he is very tired and has had a very long strange sad trip so far.

Khepqet was good and took care of me and hide me in the scary unmapped tunnels beneath Duum to keep Nepra from killing me dead, but, apparently we had a big fight and she didn't come back one night and the next day I was gone and she could not find me and that was that. Antennaes were broke. Could not talk to her. I went through the Portal and woke up as Gurashi, somewhere after she lost me, but I do not remember.

Is why she got so mad when Mixter Esei fixed my antennae. I reappeared and she thought was a mean prank. She is very sorry. Did already apologize for her? Miss Khepquet is very sorry for trying to stab Mixter Esei and getting so very -angry-. She still gets mad but is a lot better, and now she is not allowed in my head. Nobody is - not even me.

Tridemon is only other persons in whole world who knows whole story because he is my now-best-friend, besides Khepqet and peoples involved, obviously. He was very persistent in wanting to know what happened, and trying to help me, but hit a road block and think got to be a little much because is heavy on HIS heart, and so I have been afraid to tell anybody because everybody already struggles with their own things and I wanted to do best and ** more crossed out lines ** -eady mad at me because wanted to join the Beloved and everyone thinks do not love Glomdoring anymore now because of it. The rules are confusing and they hurt. I think he told Esei about Akhari because they would not stop -licking- me, and Aleyah figured out that Tiso used to have someone and so that is why had to make sure she understood that Akuuko is just my friend. Do not deserve to like him like that.

Tiso sits like great big sigh in my soul that I cannot let out. He sits there, heavy and sad and holding onto me tight, and I want to help because he IS me - or at least was, and owe him at least that much. He means well in keeping music and colors and voice all wrapped up safe, because the waking world has been very **a number of crossed out words** trying lately.

**the rest of the letter begins to break down from this point, several crossed out paragraphs, smeared ink - uncertainty on closure, statements visible among the scribbling:** Lady thinks my silence is because of the Shofets, but is not **and** doing best - promise **finally, in slightly different penmanship, written at a slightly later time**

This is our story. It is not very kindly, and Tiso and I have worked very very very hard to overcome, yes. Are many uncertainties going forward. Am still Gurashi, just Gurashi with little bit more information, and a little quieter, just for now.

I love you very much, and am very happy to be in your family, and am sorry that did not tell you these things when found out about them, and hope knowing these things do not change opinions of. Or if do let know how can fix the thing?