Thread 16: Stories 46-60

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>42
"Spike"
'Chrysalis'
-SA-
~~~~~~

>...Whoops.

"Just to double check, when Shiny says "Don't use the portal, your magic isn't strong enough," what do you hear? Because it wasn't supposed to be 'prove me wrong with your love harness thing'. Which, speaking of, Twilight is going to be PISSED when she finds out you set fire to it."

>Err... W-well, I mean, I made it through! Gun Club is still all here and stocked! Ready to protect the... the guys. We're protecting the guys.

"DIGNITARIES. Of which, SHINY IS ONE."

>...They were running late anyway.

"42!"

>Hey, I'm pretty sure Chrysalis didn't want to come, so I'm filing this under 'protecting my queen.'

~~~~~On the other side~~~~~~

'GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING TEETH EATING LICORICE CHEWING HELL!'

-What do you have against licorice?-

'FIX!'

-I'm fixing! Does it look like I have degree in portal physics?... I mean, I DO, but I slept through most of that class.-

'We're missing all the fun stuff! My fundar is going off! EEEEEEEEE!'

-Look, I'll have it fixed before anything fun happens, alright? We won't miss a single interesting thing.-

'...'

-...-

'...EEEEEEEE-'
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>AJ2
"77"
-----------

>Hiya mister seventy seven!

"Hello little one. What brings you here?

>I drew a picture for you.

"Who did you draw?"

>You, of course!

"This is a pirate."

>Yep.

"I'm not a pirate though"

>Yes you are.

"..."

>Everyone know that pirates wear eyepatches. And you wear an eyepatch. So that means you're a pirate.

"But I'm not a pirate..."

>I'll help you be a pirate. Not-mom told me a story about pirates once. I know what I'm doing.

~Later~

"Aaarrgh!"

>Yaarr!

"Yaarr!"

>Ahoy, mister!

"Are you ready, little pirate?"

>"CHARGE!"


The sight of the war-scarred changeling barreling down the halls was a sight to behold. The fact he was wearing a pirate hat, and had Two perched on his back with a toy parrot, swinging a little wooden sword around, made it something truly precious.
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>Bulk
"Dash"
~~~~~~

"What did you find out, Bulk?"

>SHE'S HUGE!

"...And?"

>SHE HAS TO HAVE HUGE GUTS!

"I guess?"

>RIP AND TEAR!

"Are you saying you found a weak point?"

>...No.

"...You've been reading that comic again, haven't you."

>THIS PLANET IS PRECIOUS-

"Goddamn it Bulk."
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>Dash
"Gilda"
~~~
>Gilda? Your radio's been quiet as a dead man, please report and update your status.

"..."

>Gilda, please report.

"It's... It's been through the Griffon Kingdom..."

>Y-Yeah. We have reports the city of-

"Adlerheim. These things attacked Adlerheim!"

>Gilda, please, calm down...

"They messed with my home, Dash! They fucked with my home! And I have a visual on this bitch-"

>Gilda, no!

"I'M GOING IN!"

>Gilda, do not engage! Report your position immediately and do not engage!

Static

>Gilda? Gilda report! Gilda! G!!!
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>32
"Pommel"

On the battlements of Canterlot Castle, Pommel and 32 sat, Pommel with his foreleg around the changeling's shoulder, the changeling with his hooves jammed in his ears.

"Ok, yeah, this'll work. Just some niiiice fresh air, that's what you need."

>...WHAT!?

"I said fresh air!"

>FRESH AIR WILL HELP MY *EARS*!?

"Look I'm trying alright? You've been bitchy about your ears and we wasted the hangover mushroom on you so...huh...that's new"

>WHAT!?

"Look out at the Everfree! There's something out there!"

>WHAT ABOUT-...oh...oh my...

32 eyes had bugged out (and achievement for someone already of the insectile persuasion) as he regarded the massive shape lumbering through the Everfree.

"Hey, you aren't shouting."

>It stopped...it stopped because...shit. SHIT. Pommel, this is not good!

"Yeah, I guessed as much, the hell is that? Some kind of new nasty monster from in there?"

>No, no it is not a new monster, it is a very...very...very old monster, and we are in a LOT of trouble. We need to find the others, we need to...I cannot believe I'm saying this, we need to find the Queen!

"What, why?"

32 was already running.
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>Spike
"Pommel"
'32'
~~~
One day, 32 walks by the A-team/Gun Club simulator just as Pommel and Spike drop out of a simulation

>And THAT is how it's done!

Pommel is in tears

'What have you done to him?!'

>I taught him about mid-air snipe jacking

'What?!'

"It's... The most awesome thing ever!"

>Come on, we'll show you! This time, Pommel, you do it. Just remember: you're the best in the damn world.

Moments later, 32 watched as Spike began to chase Pommel in an aerial dogfight within the simulation until Pommel began to race towards the vault of heaven and Spike gave chase. Without warning, Pommel ejects from his plane, whips out a sniper rifle, and caps Spike through his cockpit and hijacks Spike's plane as he falls and Spike's former plane continues to ascend on pure momentum

And soon, they're back out of the simulation

'I think I came...'

>That's natural, son. what do you think?

"I'll be honest... That was actually pretty bitchin'."

>Right, then you'll both want to tune in when DT gives her lecture next week on how to rocket jump entire tanks and boats onto building roof tops.

~~~
inspired by my discovery of:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrOIgxQ--Tc
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>Spitfire
"Fleetfoot"
'Various'
~~~~~~

>What part of "EVACUATE" is not connecting with you ponies!?

"Do you want to die!? DO YOU!? I'll leave you here to die! Don't think I won't!"

>She'll do it, I've seen her.

'No no, we get the whole "evacuate" orders. We're just a little hazy on where the FUCK YOU WANT US TO GO!?'

'She keeps circling around like a demented shark or something in these weird, warped loops!'

'It's like she's toying with us, just waiting for us to leave then STOMPSTOMPSTOMP!'

'THE HORROR!'

'YES! DAISY! HORROR! WE GET IT! WE GET THE HORROR THING!'

'...Well it is.'

>Uh... huh...

"...WHELP!"

They're pretty sure if she had the appendage, she would have flipped them off as she took to the air.

"Gonna survey the area... from about four hundred feet or so! LATER!"

>...Has anyone seen the mayor?

'I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of WE'RE ALL GONNNA DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!'

'AHHHHH!'

'WHY IS THIS TOWN SO FUCKED!?'

'I HATE THIS PLACE BUT CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE!'

'AHHHHHHH!'

'AHHHHHHHHHH!'

>...Shit.
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>Dash
"Lightning Dust"
~~~~

>LD, speak to me!

"Uh... I'm pretty sure we're boned."

>How boned!?

"Okay, those giant eel things, that purple ursa major and that green asshole dragon all got pissed and decided to attack her."

>Great! That'll keep her busy long enough to-

"She didn't stop, Dash."

>...When you say, 'didn't stop', please mean 'she ran in terror from foes she clearly had no means of defeating.'

"Not that thing."

>Other thing?

"The 'just kept going and didn't seem to care about them' thing."

>Fuuuuuu-

"How's the evacuation of Ponyville going?"

>-uuuuuuuuuuu-

"...Well, on the positive side, at least she doesn't seem to be all that concerned with Canterlot, she's missed the road to it twice now."

>-uuuuuuuuu-

"...That eel had a family."

>-uuuuuuu-
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>MM
"Zecora"
'29'
-Spitfire-
[Soarin']
~FF~
~~~~~~

>And you're SURE this is going to work?

"Do you think I would state this blindly? You words are mistaken, I do not take to them kindly."

'I'm not okay with this.'

>Just saying, my entire political career may hinge on finally being able to say I did something of note. This is pretty much it for me.

'Not okay with this.'

"You leanings of politics and other things are petty, I do not care a bit! I simply wish to save the town, you silly little twit."

>Harsh.

'SO not okay with this.'

"My tone may be harsh, I will concede. But I have noticed your lack of concern for your friend indeed."

'Oh, NOW we bring up me.'

>Nahhh, Niney will be fine.

'Will I? Oh good, that's so comforting. So, clearly, you both are about to come out from behind that rock shelf and stand by me as friends, and not cower like I'm about to blow the fuck up.'

>...
"..."

'Thought so.'

>Just pick up the damn bubble thing!

'If I die, I just want you all to know that-HMNNGGGGGG!'

~~~~~

-Okay, evacuation, FAILED, diversion, FAILED, trying to get her to fucking NOTICE US, FAILED!-

[Thank you, present for all of that!]

~Fuck this town! No, seriously, this town is fucked, let's just cut our losses and fly. Three dimensions, baby, and we can use all of them!~

[We can't just abandon them!]

-Soarin' is right. We've got to do something, we can't just quit!-

~We absolutely can! NOBODY will blame us for not engaging the thing that just shitstomped a DRAGON. I *DARE* Dash to try and court martial us over that!~

[Not the point!]

-...Maybe...-

[Don't you even start.]

Panic swept through Ponyville as she neared, closer and closer stomping towards the town, their destruction a sure thing. They were no stranger to devastation, of course, who hadn't destroyed a house at least once or twice? But this looked like it was going to be a particularly bad destruction. And the worst part is, the monster didn't even seem to care. It had no purpose, it had no demands, it had no reasoning. It was just coming for them... and the end was at hand.

And that's when an absolutely brilliant flash of green sparked in the sky.

Right into the side of Chitania's head.

They could feel the backlash from that, a gust of hot wind akin to a bomb going off rolling though the entire town. It seemed like a dream.

She had stopped, and turned her head.

{...OHHHHH! They're over THERE! In the hangy castle place! Okay, that makes so much more sense. Huh.}

And just like that, she turned away from the town. Didn't even knock over a mailbox.

-Huh.-

[Is that... good?]

-It's headed towards Canterlot.-

~And not the place we currently are. Good Job, team!~

-...-
[...]
~...I'm happy.~

~~~~~~~

>WE DID IT! For once, for ONCE Ponyville didn't get wrecked! YAY! YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

"Why are you cheering!? This is no joke! The poor thing is fried, his head is starting to smoke!"

'Albaelgdedah...'

>Bah, he's fine.

'Glrgle...'

>Point is, she's no longer headed towards Ponyville! She's been redirected right... this... way...

"...RUUUUUUUNNNN!"
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>Trixie
"???"
~~~~

>Alright, time to finally prove my mettle! I ran and hid from that Ursa Minor, but not today! Today, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE shall show the world just how amazing she is! COME, MONSTER! SHOW YOUR GREAT POWER! CALL UPON YOUR VAST AND DARK MIGHT! FOR TRIXIE SHALL NOT FALTER! SHE SHALL NOT WAVER! UPON THIS PLACE SHALL BE THE LAST LAND YOU STAND! THIS SHALL BE-

And that's about the point where Zecora and Mayor Mare raced past, dragging a Changeling foaming at the mouth behind them.

"RUN YOU STUPID BITCH! SHE'LL KILL YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN TWITCH!"

>Oh come now, she can't be that bi-HOLY FUCK NO! NONONONONONONOFUCKTHISFUCKTHATAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Chitania, for her part, wondered what the hell was making that noise, but didn't honestly care.
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>Cheerilee
"Demons"
~~~~

>Okay, she's gone. You can all stop hiding now.

"...We were not hiding."

>Fine, you can all stop pretending to hide so subtly that it was easily mistaken for hiding and, were an outside viewer to look upon it, they would instantly thing that you had, in fact, been hiding. Just get out of the damn hole.

"No... it's comfy."

>Look, she's probably not going to come back.

"Wouldn't matter either way, we're not hiding. We are the darkest parts of the shadows, the creepy crawlers going along your skin, the evil force that tells you all is not well in this world. We are death. We are evil."

>You are giant pussies.

"WE ARE NOT!"

>Alright then, go fight her! Go on, prove it!

"...Maybe later."

>Yeah, sure you'll get right on that.
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>Dash
"LD"
'Soarin''
[Fleetfoot]
-Spitfire-
~Bulk~
~~~~

>WOO! Way to go team!

"How did you guys do that?"

'...I'm sorry? Are you under the impression one of us is secretly a robot? We-'

[TOTALLY DID THAT! YES! While staying at our posts. And NOT running away! Which is what we did not do. Run away, I mean. Didn't happen. Ahaha.]

>..O... kay... how?

[...Prayed to Celestia and she answered?]

>It was green.

[...Prayed to NEGA-Celestia and she answered?]

"Wouldn't she be evil?"

[Wow, you need to shut up, like, yesterday.]

-She says, praying nobody notices that she's freaking the fuck out.-

[SHUT UP I WILL CUT YOU!]

>Well, no big deal. Canterlot should have finished prepping by now. I'm sure Twilight has some kind of dimension gun or super laser or something pointed right at that thing ready to blow it to smithereens!]

~NNNGH! NHHHHHHGHH!~

>...Bulk, you do not have to raise your hoof, just ask me.

~QUESTION!~

>...

~Is the person who warned Canterlot Gilda!?~

>No, she kind of went bonkers and I think she might be ineffectually attacking that thing, why?

~OH! So it wasn't a wonderbolt!? That's dangerous!~

>Of course I wouldn't send someone besides a Wonderbolt to warn Canterlot! Obviously! I sent... I... uh... W-wait...


"..."
'...'
[...]
-...-

>....shiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-
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>Changeling
“Various”
______

Elsewhere....

A Changeling decked out in an auburn cloak and a pair of thick, dusty goggles suddenly froze, using a hoof to push his eyewear up to blink rapidly at his creation.

>Guys…? Hey! GUYS! Come quick, I’ve done it! I’ve finally done it!

“Oh boy, here we go.”

“May the Queen save us.”

“Dude, this is the fourth damn time this week you’re screaming out ‘I got it, I got it!’ What, what have you got?”

>Heheheh, stand there and scoff if you must- but BEHOLD! The fruits of seven months hard labor and spirit-crushing sacrifice!

“…It’s just a weird circle on the ground.”

“Yeah, I’m so impressed.”

“Much wow over here.”

“Dingus.”

>You blind, half-witted fools! Look at what’s IN the circle! What’s IN it!

Only a few of the gathered Changelings bothered to crane their necks, and what they saw wasn’t exactly noteworthy.

“Okay. And?”

“Some twigs… a few feathers, some scales… and is that a pony mandible…?”

>Indeed it is, fresh out the grave! I’ve gathered the remnants of timberwolves, of gryphons and ponies, and even dragons!

“…The fuck is wrong with you, man? All this weird skulkin’ about you been doing, the maniacal laughs, pouring over those books bound in charred flesh, what’s this all about?”

>MwahahaHAHA! You’re all about to be witnesses to a major breakthrough in the field of magical application and changeling theory! LOOK AND BE AWARE, YOU FOOLS! LOOK UPON THE FACE OF ALCHEMY AND- OW! What’d you strike me for?

“What? Didn’t you just say “all hit me?””

>No! Alchemy, you clod! Al-kuh-me!

“Oooh, well, glad you cleared that up, I was about to beat a tattoo upside your stupid head.”

“Same here. I’m kinda disappointed he didn’t say that instead.”

“Right?”

>Simpletons… nevertheless! Stand back and prepare your minds for the stunning truth I’m about to unleash on this ignorant world!

He glanced once more at a book next to him, a book covered in black fur with two bloodshot and revolving eyes on the front cover, and gave a self-assured nod.

Pulling his goggles down, he brought his hooves together for a sharp, all-consuming clop. Instantly, a purple glow exploded from the circle as stray bolts of lightning vaporized all the gathered ingredients-

“HOLY SHIT!”

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“Preeeeetty….”

>YES! YES! RISE UP AND-AAAAAAHNONONONO!

The other Changelings could only stare as wispy black arms slithered from the circles center, wrapping and grabbing and yanking at their cloak-wearing comrade before pulling his screaming form into the pit. It wasn’t until the book was snatched in that the glow vanished, the wind died, and silence fell.

“…”

“Remember the days when all we’d do was have a constant orgy?”

“Yeah, those were simpler times.”

“They sure were.”
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>Celestia
"Buffalo Dignitary"
"Saddle Arabia Dignitary"
~~~~~~

>Really? The whole thing?

"Well, no, whole thing not fit well into hole. Had to chip off sides for big dumb thing to fit."

'His accent is so funny, yes it is!'

"My accent? What of yours, purple face."

'Oh no my friend, my accent is a speech impediment. In my country, it is most humorous, yes it is! Entertains de children, Mmmhm!'

"The shame of my ancestors washes over me."

>Really. So interesting. Uh huh.

'It is her accent I think is funniest through, do you not think so mmhmm?'

"Indeed. Paleface's way of speaking is like the children speaking as adults."

'HAH! I LIKE YOU! Come home and fuck my sister!'

>...What I wouldn't give for something to just come in and kill everyone in this room.

"What was that, paleface?"

>NOTHING!
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>32
"Pommel"

32 galloped down the halls of Canterlot castle, eyes wide in absolute terror.

>The ONE time, the ONE time she'd be useful and of COURSE the portal is fried!

Pommel pulled alongside his friend.

"32, where are we going?! The portal room was back there!"

>I was already in there, buckethead broke the portal and stranded Armor and the Queen in the Empire! We're on our own as far as this monstrosity goes!

"Excluding...like...every other Princess in the castle."

>Applejack and Celestia are tied up with those blasted dignitaries, Luna went off to do...whatever it is 77 does on the weekends, and I'm pretty sure we murdered the yellow one.

"Pretty sure that was a doppleganger, but what exactly are we going to do now?"

>I'm going to run to the Gun Club and hope to holy high hell I can think of a plan before I get there!

"And if you can't?"

>Desperately try to find something that can help!

"And if you can't do that?"

>Pop the final Rezhulk cap in my mouth and-wait!

32 stopped, Pommel nearly tripped over himself trying to do the same.

>That's it! Ha! Hahaha! I got it!

"Got what?"

>Got this!

32 took out the final, poisonous cap of the Rezhulk, holding it up triumphantly.

"...and what are we going to do with it?"

>We're going to throw it down that thing's gullet and hope it'll make it keel over!

"Wh-seriously? How!?"

>Make off with one of the A-Team's hoverbikes and fly right up to it!

"32...that's a horrible idea."

>Oh I know, I know well, but it's the only one I got. So what do you say?

"Doesn't really seem like I got a choice in the matter, the alternative is it squashing the entire city under her hooves."

>Excellent, and remember, best in the world!

Pommel gave a rueful laugh.

"Best in the world."

The two ran off to put their plan in motion.
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