Thread 18: Stories 76-90

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>77
"Cheerilee"

>Hrmmmmm, that was good.

"Mhmm, yes it was poppet, it certainly was"

>Are you sure that was you with the screaming, or was it some hellspawn being voyeuristic?

"Oh hell no, they have learned the Importance of Privacy, or they shall Learn it Again!"

...

>Hrm, I guess you were right, sorry for doubting you

[AYYYAAAYAAAIII!]

"...That wasn't anything I've ever heard"

SMASH! POW!

-~*POSE!*~-

>What the Hive are those?!

~We hear the gears of carnal merriment turn in this- ACK! ANOTHER ONE!~

-Ugh! Brother, this why we never trusted you to seek out the Sounds Of Sensations, you always land us somewhere where our Members never feel at home-

*Ho ho! Is this a mere Earth Pony that has captured a Beast in it's sensual maw? I say...*

~This nose was made for the purest of sweats, and this is not one of them, forbid yourself to fall to it!~

"Gentlecolts, I will only ask you once, please leave."

*Forebear, Brother? Can a Stallion of such stature as I not admire such feat of Carnal Conquest?*

-It is unnatural Brother! You make such outlandish claims-

*HA HA! Such prudes! No wonder the most Alabaster never sought you for new "positions", to you, dear Earthie, bravo! To entwine oneself with such a beast of the Depths is bravery enough...erm, my card*

~Cannot bear a moment longer, WE MUST AWAY~

-~*UNF*~-

Fwoosh


>...

"..."

>... You think this is Chrysallis' fault dear?

"I wouldn't put it past her, but those colts did have some fine plots on them..."

>Dear....

"Oh hush you"

NON CANON
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>Chitania
"Theater pony"
~~~~

>So what you're saying is... this isn't magic.

"...Sort of? I mean, I'm using my magic to power the projector, but I'm not using magic to display the images."

>Right... because that's from the stuff that has been exposed, and it isn't actually moving, it's just a bunch of pictures stapled together to give off the illusion of movement. You just flicker the pictures by really fast, and your brain does the rest.

"Right."

>And also, that was what you called...

"Special effects."

>Right. It's using camera tricks to give the illusion something is happening, but it's fake.

"Totally fake."

>And that pony was not, in fact, ten thousand stories tall.

"Nothing but angling the camera and a big fake prop for his hoof."

>...So he is not a god.

"Well, if you asked his fanclub maybe, but in the deitial sense, no. He is not divine in any sense."

>...So punching the screen was-

"Very unwise, yes."

>Ah. And those guards were not trying to defend their god, they were...

"Trying to stop the crazy mare from punching a movie."

>...I learned something today, and I am counting this as a win.

"I am glad at least someone is, as the ones with crazy high medical bills are likely to disagree."

>Do you wish to be added to the pile?

"I do not."

>Then shut up and agree with me.

"...Wait, how can I shut up AND-OHSWEETCELESTIANO-"

*WHUMP!*

>Smartass.
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>AJ12
"Various Changelings"
~~~~~

>DAMN IT ALL!

"Awww, what's wrong ninety nine?"

>I'm 12.

"The fuck you are."

>...

"What's wrong, Changeling whoever?"

>Ugh, it was going good, lot's of jobs opening up thanks to all the need for construction, but then Fawntaine rolled in and said they weren't looking for temps and...

"...and?"

>...They took my job.

"THEY TOOK YOUR JOB!?"

"THEY TOOK YER' JOB!"

"TOOK HIS JEEEERRB!"

"DOOK A JEEERRRB!

>....What?

"DEY TOOK UR JEEEEERRRBBBB!"

>Please stop.

"JOOK'ER JEERRRRB!"

>Please?

"WAIT!"

"..."

>Oh, see, for HIM you-

"I just realized, that means none of US can get jobs either!"

"You know what that means!?"

"THEY TOOK MAH JOB!"

"THEY TOOK YER JOOOOOBBB!"

"TOOK ER' JEEEEE-!"

>...I'm going to kill myself.

"-EEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-"

>...But first I'm going to kill you.

"-RRRRRRB!... Wait what? ACK!"

"Not cool, man."
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>Chitania
"Theater pony"
~~~~

>...OH SWEET SISTER TITANIA! Are... are they..!?

"Oh, uh... you weren't supposed to put that reel in. That was for the late night showing. The... late-late night showing."

>Who would record this!?

"Always the old fashioned ones who have a little problem with some mare-on-mare, isn't it?"

>I don't have a problem with it. I'd probably have more of a problem if it was in the natural style of mare and stallion. Judging would be silly, mother had a particular taste for that, which she would love to very graphically describe. I think her tally was at sixty seven before I took over.

"And now my suit is just a little too tight."

>My problem is... well... they're RECORDING it? Documenting it for all of time? That seems... disgusting. All of those ponies forever watching you? Forever... knowing about you...

"I'm told they're paid very well. Hey! Don't turn it off!"

>It is making me uncomfortable!

"Look, if you're going to tie me up and watch all of my movies, at LEAST leave one of the good ones on."

>DO NOT COMMAND ME, WORM! NONE COMMAND I.... uh...

"Your tag says Butterblossom."

>...NONE COMMAND I... BUTTERBLOSSOM!

"..."

>...I'm going to watch the disaster movie again. That was fun.

"Oh come on!"

>SPEAK AGAIN AND I SHALL RIP OUT YOUR TONGUE! CONCEDE AT ONCE!

"..."

>...You are learning. Good.

NON CANON
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>Applejack
“???”

Applejack pushed against the crudely mended wood that made up her office door. It creaked open like something out of a horror movie and she sighed, trotting in with hollow steps that echoed off the now barren and cracked walls. Forms awaited her on the table, of course… a confusing, headache-inducing hodgepodge of legislature, including legally binding documents for those seeking shelter within Fawntaine’s. In fact, she still had to give that place the once over but everything was just so chaotic and all over the place….

With a heavy sigh, she bypassed the table, bypassed the chair with her rear indent in it, bypassed the stacks of cake crumb riddled paper plates… and approached the window. It could finally be called a window again thanks to the dedicated team of builders fixing the castle- hell, fixing most of Canterlot. Bless their hearts, they were doing all of this for the regular wage, only asking that the offered increase go towards helping ponies without a home.

Yet even despite her brave face, Celestia was still recovering… Shiny, while out of the hospital, was more brittle than Granny Smith… Gwendolyn was damned upset, and no one could really blame her… the dignitaries were scattered, homes were in ruins…

Her wings drooped past their usual resting stance and almost dragged to the ground as she dared take a glance out the window. She expected rain to mat her fur, for blisteringly cold winds to strike her flesh, but all she got was... warmth.

>…huh.

In the courtyard was where she saw Shiny, Two, 56 and 42. Apparently, Shiny was the ‘monster’ attempting to capture the smaller Changelings unless 42 managed to hold him off with a few menacing boops to the nose that would ‘knock him out’ for a few seconds so they could escape.

>…

Celestia lay in a gazebo overlooking the action, sounding quite convincing as she yelled out hints and safe travel paths for the younger duo to take.

On the other end of the court was Chrysalis, walking with an extremely nervous looking Changeling who Applejack knew to be 13, only she seemed to be clutching some sort of pin for dear life, like a personal treasure. The Queen was making these obscene gestures with her hooves, no doubt retelling some gruesome sex act from her past that her unlucky subordinate found all too enrapturing, “oooing” and “ahhing” every second.

The sudden sound of foals laughing brought Applejack’s attention to Pinkie Pie and Cheese, who were both entertaining a crowd of little ones by juggling, hoofstanding, and playing… whatever weird instrument that Pinkie suddenly brought out from nowhere. Even Twilight and Spike were among them, earning a round of excited cheers when he blew green flames into the air only to have her twist them into numbers and figures.

>…

Rainbow Dash and the other fliers were making the building process easier by flying in huge loads of brick or cement or whatever the flightless workers might need. She even saw Scootaloo being hefted high in one hoof by Bulky while in the other he carried twice what everyone else did.

“OH YEEEEEEAH! WE FLY NOW SCOOTS!”

>…heh. Goofball....

The Mane-iac was using her tendril-esque mane to steady multiple beams at once, laughing hysterically all the while and causing the helpers near her to chuckle nervously.

It truly was a brighter day…

Applejack glanced over her shoulder, back towards the forlorn pile of documents awaiting her. Then she turned to the window again….

She wanted to join her friends and family having fun and rebuilding, make a real team effort… but could she afford it? There were forms that needed filling, fine print that needed going over, dotted lines that needing signing; somepony had to play the role of the silent observer, right? The one who never got to join the fun but made sure everything ran as it should, right?

That was her, right?

With her attention seized by what was happening outside of her window, Applejack failed to notice a cup of warm tea appearing on her desk.
She also failed to notice said cup momentarily rising into the air before settling on a newly materialized coaster, the face of which was adorned with an inkpot and quill crest.

When she is finally able to drag herself away from the window, she will chastise herself for being so deep in thought that she ignored one of the castle maids and decided to apologize to them when they came to collect the cup.

31 forms and 87 signatures later with no end in sight, the sole occupant of the room will continue her relentless scratching of quill to paper, feeling oddly at ease despite the amount of work remaining.

The empty cup and coaster will fade away just as silently as they arrived, the only sign of their passing laying within the small unconscious smile on the orange coloured monarch, toiling away for the good of her kingdom.

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~~~
Sleep

She didn't need it anymore, or wasn't supposed to. It didn't stop wear from taking her over, it didn't stop the droop in her eyes or the yearning to rest. It didn't stop her from dreaming of days when she was with them in the sun.

Her friends.

Her family.

But rest was for the dead. She willed herself back into the conscious realm and found she had been moved into her bed. Panicked at the prospect of how long she had slept, how much work she had fallen behind, she raced into her office next door and nearly shattered the poor, abused door.

What met her made her heart stop.

Luna and Rarity were focusing businesses and homes, 18 one the nit and grit of politics and forms, and even Princess Cadence helping deliver and sort files and forms to rightful places.

"Welp, back to work!" Applejack blinked, turned, and saw Spike and Twilight squeeze past her with an 'excuse me' and plopped themselves behind a desk and continued Applejack's work.

She couldn't speak, but she took a step forward and Rarity spoke up to stop her. "Darling, you've been pushing yourself too hard, I think Celestia and Chrysalis have found some crazy scheme to sweep Shining Armor into that's still his pace. Perhaps you might want to join them?"

Taking it all in, that even the princess of prim and pink had allowed herself to fall beneath immaculate to help Applejack, it made her shake her head. "Nah, Ah think Ah'm jus' fine, righ' here."

Someone had to play the silent observer. One who never quite got to join in on the 'fun' but make sure everything ran as it should.

But she knew she would never have to be that pony alone.
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>18
"Cadence"
'Shining Armor'
~~~
'So, 18, hard at work or hardly working?'

>Hardy har har, shouldn't you be in bed?

'I've spent too much time in a bed already. Anyway though, any reason Cadence is outside her own office, which, you're in right now?'

>Ah, that, she found a way to help and has put her whole heart into it.

"Applejack 18, your Blue o'clock appointment is here!"

>Thanks, send them on in!

Shining leaves while the Griffon ambassador comes in, both mouthing 'blue o'clock?'
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>SA
"Celestia"
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>This seems dishonest.

"Nonsense, we are doing good no question!"

>We're literally splashing paint on a canvas to sell for top dollar at an auction.

'Hey, screw you, this is fun!... Heh, screw you, fun, those go together so well.'

"Well, you are the one who cannot do anything too strenuous."

'Don't remind me.'

>I'm just saying, aren't we abusing our position?

"Pfft. Shiny? Do you think a painting by myself of nothing but splashes would sell well?"

>...Yes?

"Correct, and it does every hundred years or so. Chrysalis, for all of her negatives, is very much a exotic Queen from another land with quite the reputation, do you think her paintings would sell well?"

>Yeah, I guess.

"And then there is you, Shining Armor, the prince of the Empire. Do you think a painting by yourself would sell well, even though it was merely splashes?"

>...Probably?

"Why? There is no artistic merit to it, it is just splashes, why would this sell so well to those of higher riches?"

>Because... it's from us?

"Exactly. It will only sell well because it is coming from all three of us. I am a lover of the arts, and it always annoys me when I have to see others be overlooked simply because their title isn't quite up to snuff, regardless of their talent. As petty as it is, taking them to the cleaners with this haphazard work is... so soothing. Like a balm unto the burn in my soul."

>...Well, when you put it like that...

'Ohhhh... I just thought we wanted to rob them because we like money.'

"...That may factor into it.... just a little bit, though!"

>...

'...'

"...PAINT-ATTACK!"

'OH NO YOU DIDN'T!'

>Ack! You're getting it everywhere!... I know, you guys can't throw it IF I THROW IT ALL FIRST!

'DAMN HIS FOOL PROOF PLAN!'

"DAMN HIM!"

>...We are going to make a mint off these-HEY! OH IT'S ON NOW!

'BRING IT!'

"CONSIDER IT BROUGHT!"
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Celestia'
#Cadence#
[42]
{18}
~2~
-Sombra-
~~~~~~

>Don't give me that look.

"Really? We're doing this again?"

>Yes. Did you really think you would escape this? Nay! Nay I say! With your public opinion as bad as it is, now is the perfect time to work on your table manners to get it right!

"So why is she here?"

>Backup. Also, it's nice, I like having dinner with her. I will literally use any excuse and this offered one.

'And I will use any excuse to hang out with Shiny, and watch you make a fool of yourself.'

"I'll have you know I've been studying! This is a salad fork!"

>Excellent! What's the one on the far right?

"...Uh..."

#Soup spoon.#

"This is impossible to memorize!"

[From left to right, salad fork dinner fork, dessert fork, other side is dinner knife, tea spoon and soup spoon.]

{The three cups are water goblet for the largest, red wine and white wine.}

"...HAH! You missed this tiny plate right here!"

~Tha's a butter spreader. Ya' use it for butterin' stuff.~

>Very good sweetie!

#I'm so proud!#

'Better watch out, Chrysalis, she's already smarter than you.'

"...Rassafrassa....stupid..."

-Yes, do keep mumbling, that will fix allllll of your problems.-

"Why are you even here!? You can't eat!"

>Because it's Sombra. We want him here.

-...huh.-

"Well... fine, when is the food getting here anyway?"

'Oh, the salad should be arriving shortly. I got a chance to see it, it looks positively delightful.'

"Good, I'm starving."

[Um, my Queen? That is the wrong fork.]

"Oh yeah? Well... SHASHASHASHAHSHA! HAH! All mixed up now, guess it doesn't matter!"

{...Chrysalis, they're all-}

'No no, let's see how long it takes her.'

"...."

>#'-~{[...]}~-'#

"...What?"

[Majesty, they're-]

'Liiiiittle longer.'

"..."
>#'-~{[...]}~-'#

"...WHAT!?"

#Chrysalis, they're-#

'Alllmost...'

>#'-~{[...]}~-'#

"...WHAT FOR THE LOVE OF MY BIG ASS WHAT!?"

~They're all diffrin' sizes, Not-Mom. We can still tell which're which.~

"..."


>#'-~{[......PFFFTTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!]}~-'#

"SHUT UP! TABLE FL-HRK!... You nailed the table to the floor!?"

>That I did, and on that note-

>#'-~{[AHAHAHAHAHAHAH~!]}~-'#

"SUCK A ROTTEN EGG!"

>Ahah... hah... hoo, don't be like that Chrysalis, it's always good to ask for help sometimes. You want some salad?

"...fine..."

>There we go.

'Oh yeah, I think I'm going to start visiting more often for dinner.'

>Now, proper eating for this is... not that, Two. Absolutely not that.

~Nawf wha?~

{Sprayed all over my food, of course.}

"HAWH!"

[Thank you, Majesty, I was feeling left out.]

#Reafly?#

-Well, glad I'm part of this too now, Cadence.-

#Yerf welcomf?#

>Stop talking with food in your mouth!

#"-~Okef!~-"#

>...All over my freaking face...

'...looots more visits, yes.'
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>Gwendolyn
"10"
{BBB}
~~~

It was about two minutes post receiving the request in the form of a letter, that the small Changeling realized that trying to contain her enthusiasm would lead to her spontaneous combustion.

She had been sure that post the Chitania incident, the Queen of the Gryphons would never wish to see her again. This was a crying corner-level matter, as she loved hearing about their vast and storied history, violent as it may be sometimes. But here it was! A formal request to see her again!

EEEEE!

>Good to see you again.

"You too! I was actually kind of worried that..."

>Indeed, I have a very low opinion of your Queen at this point, to put it mildly. And to be blunt, most Changelings have not endured themselves to me.

Okay, bit more venom than she had hoped for.

>However, this little matter was quite... grabbing of my attention.

"OH! Last weeks paper? Yeah... er, you're not mad about-"

>The fact you pointed out that villages alarms had been faulty for years and never fixed, thus preventing them from warning us should the monster have turned towards the main city? Or the fact that my heavy weaponry was so outdated and decrepit it was hard to maneuver, allowing her to reach the center of the village before we could even aim them in her direction? Or the fact that a great many funds that could have fixed these problems had been spent on... let's say, flights of fancy for my governor?

"Uh..."

{BZZT, ERROR! VIBRATION LEVELS EXCEEDING THRESHOLD! WARNING! PROBABILITY OF SINKING INTO THE FLOOR RISING!}

"Keepin' that in mind, BBB, but I can't help it."

>I am very irate.

"...W-well, um... I'm not sorry."

>...I beg your pardon?

"I'm not."

She was clearly terrified to even get that little bit closer to the opposite end of the desk to the queen, but her shaking hoof eventually managed to reach the paper, and flip it open. The Queen recognized the faces staring back at her. How could she not?

She saw them every time she slept.

"They shouldn't have had to get as close as they did to make sure everyone could get outta the way. They shouldn't have had to dash ahead to warn everyone. They..."

>...They shouldn't have been lost.

"I'm sorry if this make you feel like I was trying to attack you, or insult you. I just... they deserved to know how it really was. Not how yer' papers made it look."

>...I agree.

{ERROR! HEART HAS STOPPED!}

"...What?"

>I agree with you. This shouldn't have been hidden, my papers shouldn't have covered up the faults. My governor was simply trying to hide his failure, nothing else, and he used the paper he owned to do it. My general was simply trying to hide his laziness, and his money spoke volumes. I am irate... because you did this. You, and not them. My citizens had to rely on a changeling for honesty. Do you have any idea how bad that sounds?

{ERROR! UNCALLED FOR!}

"S'okay, BBB, I get what she means."

With a flick of her talon, something was flung over to the changeling. She fumbled to catch it, but soon enough she could hold it up, and see what looked to be an odd looking badge.

>If I find you have shared that with anyone else, it will be revoked immediately and permanently.

"What is it?"

>It is what we give out to identify investigative reporters with high level clearance.

"...What?"

>I look forward to your next piece. Finding where to prune the weeds is so much easier when someone else clears the garbage covering them.

"...t-thank you."

>No...

Her eyes landed on the face her ex-governor in the photos, standing atop what seemed to be some garish parade float. If she had the ability, she would have smirked as she remembered his face twisting in pathetic cries as he begged her not to take his position.

Idly, she wondered how he was adjusting to life in the dungeon...

>...Thank you. Would you like one more interview, for the road?

And just like that, the fire was back.

"O-of course!"

>Good... I have a lot to get off my chest.
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>SA
"Sombra"

~~~

"..."

>...

"... find anything yet?"

>No... Just more up to date information on what you are. What about you?

"The same... though the description is vaguer than it was before. Seems time has worn away the finer points of knowledge and just left the need to know in its place..."

>I see what you mean, I've been comparing the books, its almost like who ever updated these books just skimmed over it.

"... Well, it seems these books are pointlessly time consuming... I think we should take a break."

>Agreed... Want to have a quick session in the Holo room?

"Oh ho, someone wants to lose another battle?"

>Laugh it up Sombra, I could have Two be my "Military Adviser."

"...Y-you wouldn't... Her command of armed forces is unparallelled, I'd be slaughtered in moments!"

>She makes me so proud! I'm going to see if I can get her into the finer points of Hyper Space Wars.

"... And I will be there when she points out that the Juggernaut was supposed to be pink."

>... shut up Sobra.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"32"
~~~
"And so, the prodigal son comes to pay me a visit. To what honor do I owe this?"

>Nothing much, nothing much. I just- I've heard the stories from others, especially Chrysalis, and we both know how wonderfully reliable she can be sometimes, right?

"'Sometimes'?"

>Yeah, well... I just want to know the reason from you. I want it straight from the horse' mouth, so to speak.

"You wouldn't understand."

>try me.

"No, you can't, Shining Armor. I've heard of your record, outside the staggering incompetence which had eaten through the entire Royal Guard, your record was spotless despite you and your tin soldiers' uselessness."

>Don't call them that. They're good men, each of them.

"Call them what? Tin soldiers? Toys who were mass produced with the same Maryan white coats, blue manes, sculpted bodies... and you know what? Just like real tin soldiers, they're not made for a real fight at all."

>Yeah, whatever, just tell me why you attacked Chrysalis.

"As I said: you could never understand, Shining Armor. have you ever lost a comrade before? A brother in arms?"

>I felt Pommel's loss with you.

"Liar."

>I'm serious, it kills me inside to know we lost people-

"And yet you let her go."

>Because I have to be an example.

"no, because you can't do it. If you see someone you love in danger-"

>I think facing down against her was proof enough!

"YOU CAN'T FINISH THE JOB! Can you? You can't have blood on your immaculate hoove or your pristine white coat? Do you know what a real soldier does, Shining Armor? They make any sacrifice for their team. You're not a real soldier, you're not even a real stallion! You're made of tin! YOU'RE A TIN STALLION, SHINING! TIN STALLION!"

>Well, this was a mistake.

"Bring 2 down sometime! I'd love to see her!"

>Speak out of line in front of her and I'll kill you.

Shining leaves

"I'm counting on it."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The world was a haze of images blinking in and out of Pommel's mind, a parade of half-formed thoughts and memories as his mind tried to put itself in order. He saw the failed robot assault on Canterlot, he saw his last fishing trip with his father before he joined the guard, he saw the fist of the cave troll coming down on his back, he saw the comforting confines of the antique guard helmet his uncle let him wear during his colthood visits.

As awareness slowly came back to him, he recognized a slow rocking back and forth. His ears were full of the lapping of waves against wood and the shouts of orders being given. His eyes fluttered open as he attempted to gain his bearings, finding himself in a dark cabin somewhere within the ship he'd climbed aboard in his mad scramble for survival, lying in a hammock, lit only by a small lantern hanging from a nearby beam.

"Oh for...I hate these things," Pommel muttered, gingerly attempting to ease a leg out of the hammock's interior. He felt the reassuring press of the floor on his hoof, pushing him to just go for a second leg, carefully...carefullyyyyy...

FWUMP!

The hammock swung unevenly, leaving Pommel to fall facefirst onto the floor. He groaned into the boards, fore hooves clutching his poor nose as his eyes watered. After making sure he wasn't bleeding, he picked himself up and looked for the exit, a simple doorway covered with a simple sheet of cloth, slit down the middle.

Swaying as he walked, he slipped through the cloth and into the belly of the beast. Trying to keep his balance, Pommel walked past lines of cannons shuttered behind wooden panels, locking his gaze on a shaft of light shining down on a set of wooden steps from what he assumed was the deck.

He slowly stumbled up the steps, taking great care to avoid slipping and falling. The shouts he'd heard were growing louder, calls to adjust sails, to check riggings, to grab that stumbling fool before he hurt himsel-

"Gah!" Pommel was grabbed by two large earth pony stallions, who frog-marched him across the deck, catching the eyes of hardened crewmen as the strange procession passed. The two stallions dragged him up another set of steps and dropped him at the hooves of a very angry looking mare.

"So, this is who we have t'blame for weeks a'work goin' t'waste!" She growled with a gravely voice, "What've ya got t'say for yerself?"

She was a thin dark blue pegasus, her lanky body seemed filled with the energy of a feline about to pounce, her ears almost weighed down from a string of earrings dotting the underside, her mane hidden beneath a crimson bandana. Pommel attempted to slink back from her but bumped into the two stallions. One of the pegasus' wingtips patted a cutlass at her side.

"Uhm...Uh..." Pommel gulped, "I didn't mean to snap your rope!"

"We gathered that, y'twit," The mare continued to stare daggers, threatening to draw her own.

The words came out of Pommel's mouth like he'd come out of Chitania's, rapidly and messily, "I'd been stranded on a desert island for days, adrift for just as long! There were sharks, and mermares, except the mermares were sharks, and then the fog set in and then that...that THING started eating the sharks and it was gonna eat me too! Then you guys shot it and I saw the rope and I just wanted to not get eaten and-"

The hoof that smacked him across the cheek cut off his explanation mid run-on sentence. The mare arched an eyebrow as she looked him up and down.

"A damned blatherin' fool...but ye meant no harm," She shrugged, "Just our luck I s'pose. Let 'im up, boys, he's harmless."

Pommel shook his head as the two stallions yanked him up, "Ah, well...captain, glad we could-"

Once again Pommel was cut off, this time by the outburst of laughter that erupted around him. Seemed to be a theme with these guys...

"I'm not th' cap'n ya fool!" The mare smiled wolfishly, "First mate Jacqueline Daw, the cap'n's in his cabin with our doctor. He'll be decidin' of we should keep ya 'r toss ya overboard."

"What!?" Pommel's eyes widened, "Then what was the point of that just now!?"

"T'see whether or not I should save him the trouble," First Mate Daw replied flippantly, "Harmless 'r no, if ya can't earn your keep, you'll soon be back in the sea!"

"Greaaat..." Pommel muttered.

"Now what d'ye call yerself? I should now it in case we have ta get ta eulogizin' ya."

"Pommel, Bronze Pommel," Pommel answered, "Of the Equestrian Guarrrr-"

Pommel realized his mistake the moment he started saying it.

"-rrrrrr-"

There was a shift in the air, gazes hardened, bodies stiffened, he noticed a distinctly black and skeleton themed flag was waving off the end of the poop deck....

"-rrrrrrrr-"

And of course that cutlass found its way to his neck.

"Mind finishin' that sentence, Pommy me lad?" Daw's eyes narrowed as she pressed her weapon against him.

"-rrrrrdeners Association," Pommel said quickly, "Yup, Equestrian Gardeners Association! I was researching rare plants before I got shipwrecked! Yup! Good old EGA...completely not hostile to pirates or vice versa, EGA."

Daw stared into his eyes a few moments, then smirked, "Goody. Mayhaps when we make port you'll make a good eye fer buyin' fruit ta stave off scurvy!"

"...yup," Pommel's response was about orange or so octaves above its regular tone, if one were to ask Princess Cadence.

'There is absolutely no way that worked!' Pommel's mind screamed, 'Jump overboard, quick, before they do something worse to you!'

However Pommel's thought processes we unable to get his body to do the same as a unicorn, a light brown specimen of a stallion with a wild blonde mane, draped a friendly foreleg over Pommel's shoulder.

"A gardener, eh?" This newcomer said conversationally, "Tell me, mate, what kinna gardener has a name like 'Bronze Pommel'?"

There were a few dissenting mutters amongst the crew, it seemed either they didn't believe or weren't willing to fall in with the First Mate's ruse.

Pommel let out a heavy sigh of resignation, his lip quivering a bit, "Daddy...had expectations, I just couldn't reach."

Pommel was shocked to see a few looks of sympathy from the members of the crew he could see...maybe they were that stupid.

The unicorn laughed, smacking Pommel's back, "Aye, a fair few of us have been there, but look where we are now, hey?"

Pommel gave a stiff nod, Daw looked less than impressed.

"Hey, offa him now, Rat," She warned, "He's got no bits fer ya to rob him of!"

"Just gettin' cozy with the newcomer," The unicorn smirked, "'sides, do ye really care what a bilge rat does with his time?"

"I do when it might affect the crew, now off with ya!" Daw brandished her cutlass, and with a simpering smile, Rat obliged. That accomplished, Daw set a critical eye on Pommel, "An' ya can just stay right where ya are, gardener. Like I said, your fate's in flux until the cap'n gives his word. I'd make peace with whatever gods ya pray to, just in case."

Pommel gulped, sitting as the crew resumed their duties, awaiting the arrival of the mysterious captain, and the decision that would decide his fate.
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>18
"Twilight"
~~~~~~

>...What?

"Soooo... heard you made a little stop by a certain someone in the dungeon?"

>Yes. Blueblood. There was an annoying little shit on the way, but that's not really of note.

"Ah... so, no chance you secretly fell in love with his rebellious attitude and harbor feelings to 'change' him with your tender loving care?"

>...

"...No?"

>Are you under the impression I won't chuck you out of my office simply because Shining Armor loves you to bits?

"Erm..."

>Because that is technically correct, but I will glare at you. Glare so hard.

"I'm just kind of desperate, nobody really wants to go near him."

>As well they shouldn't. Little bastard won't shut the fuck up with the mindgame thing. For love's sake, get a second hobby!

"It's a little deeper than that."

>Right, well, I don't care. Chrysalis is bad enough with this stuff, I don't need TWO fellow changelings in my life who feel like they need to play these stupid little games. Nothing good ever comes from that thinking.

"Right... I'm sorry for bugging you."

>Well, make up for it. I could use a bit of a break.

"How?"

>...What was Shiny like when you were younger?

"Are you seriously trying to girl-talk with me?"

>I am. Was he always... you know, lovey?

"...Since day one."

>Spill spill!

"Weelllll..."
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>Chitania
"Blimp Pony"
~~~

>So... it flies off... fire?

"Kind of a simplistic way to look at it, but essentially yes."

>...But... fire doesn't make flying!

"Except in propulsion, hot air, upward heat rising in general..."

>Huh... so more fire equals more flying?

"Sort of, there is a limit to- WAIT NO

~~~~~~

>YOU LIAR! Fire only made the thing go down!

"HEAT is what inflated the blimp you psycho! HEAT! SETTING FIRE TO THE ACTUAL CLOTH IS NOT WRONG!"

>Well, you should have clarified that sooner!

"And you shouldn't have set fire to the blimp at all! But here we-GLK!"

>Say one more word.

"...R-retracted?"

>Good answer.

"I, uh... I'm just going to... going to run now. Is that okay?"

>Perfectly acceptable, and in fact expected of a maggot like you.

"Good to know.... AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh...."

>...Fire makes flying, what a load of greenspit.
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