Bullshit

[4:05:40 PM] Van: STOP greentexting and that other thing
[4:05:59 PM] Eggsworth: >Implying my text is green
>Insulting my Homestuck Speak
[4:06:12 PM] Van: [4:06 PM] Eggsworth:

<<< >Implying my text is green
[4:06:16 PM] Van: this is greentexting
[4:06:18 PM] Eggsworth: Also, how do you even know what greentexting means
[4:06:20 PM] Eggsworth: How do you even
[4:06:20 PM] Van: whether it is green or not.
[4:06:38 PM] Van: http://www.quora.com/What-is-greentexting
[4:07:48 PM] Eggsworth: >Implying I use 4chan methods of speaking normally.
>Knowing 4chan methods of speaking
[4:08:32 PM] Eggsworth: Anyway
[4:09:24 PM] Eggsworth: 1 d0n7 7h1nk y0u und3rs74nd
[4:09:30 PM] Eggsworth: I can't type like that, nevermind
[4:13:20 PM] Van: minecraft
[4:15:45 PM] Eggsworth: I d0'N7 W4N7 70 Pl4y miN3CR4F7 @ 73H m0m3N7, I w4n7 70 SL33p. i k4n 422ur3 U 7H@ 73H S3C0Nd I s74r7 PL4YIN' S4id cR4f7 0F MiN32, i'LL PR0848LY S4Y s0m37hIN' lik3 "I d0'N7 W4n7 70 pl4Y 4Nym0r3," ku2 u RUSH3D m3H IN70 i7. if U W4I7 un7iL i'm iN 73h m00d 70 pl4Y, I7'lL 83 4 83773R 3Xp3Ri3NC3 PH0r 807H 0F u2, i'M SUR3.
[4:16:15 PM] Eggsworth: "i don't want to play minecraft at the moment, i want to sleep. i can assure you that the second i start playing said craft of mines, i'll probably say something like "i don't want to play anymore," cuz you rushed me into it. if you wait until i'am in the mood to play, it'll be a better experience for both of us, i'am sure."
[4:16:28 PM] Eggsworth: L337 translators, though nifty, are noob.
[4:16:46 PM] Van: q.q
[4:16:48 PM] Van: clean the house
[4:16:58 PM] Eggsworth: Also, biospheres look nifty, though.
[4:17:07 PM] Van: k
[4:17:10 PM] Van: clean the house
[4:17:59 PM] Eggsworth: So because I don't want to be forced into playing a game that I'm not interested in playing at the moment, the only other option for me is to clean the house. It's either "please you," or "clean," right?
[4:18:10 PM] Van: no
[4:18:16 PM] Van: it's please me by cleaning
[4:18:26 PM] Van: no other options anymore
[4:18:30 PM] Van: :|
[4:19:34 PM] Eggsworth: Oh, okay. So I was slightly errorneous. It's "Please you," AND, "clean."
[4:19:54 PM] Van: all of it was erroneous
[4:20:03 PM] Eggsworth: My mistake. I think there is a cockroach having instense necrophilia with the GREEN LYNX SPIDER
[4:20:19 PM] Eggsworth: that or it's devouring its corpse. Either way, slightly kinky.
[4:20:31 PM] Van: get off computer now
[4:20:33 PM] Van: go clean
[4:20:49 PM] Eggsworth: You really are a delightful conversationalist.
[4:21:22 PM] Van: clean
[4:22:03 PM] Eggsworth: Eggsworth sighs
[4:22:19 PM] Eggsworth: There IS no pleasing you, is there?
[4:22:26 PM] Van: you could try cleaning
[4:22:30 PM] Van: that'd probably work.
[4:22:44 PM] Eggsworth: Wow, what a random and for some reason brand new suggestion!
[4:22:54 PM] Eggsworth: ; ~ ;
[4:23:27 PM] Van: tbh, you haven't even tried, so the whole
[4:23:29 PM] Eggsworth: And what if I do not desire this action? What if I genuinely just want to read Homestuck and watch the necro-feast unfolding beside me?
[4:23:29 PM] Van: [4:22 PM] Eggsworth:

<<< There IS no pleasing you, is there?
[4:23:33 PM] Van: is kinda baseless.
[4:23:48 PM] Van: too bad?
[4:25:49 PM] Eggsworth: tbh, I HAVE tried, I just get shunned at every attempt of trying, being met with "Well, you hardly did anything, and you'll never be allowed to hang out with your friends ever again," or a varying array of the exact same meaning with different words.  That being said, a cockroach just impaled itself on the GREEN LYNX SPIDER's leg.
[4:25:56 PM] Eggsworth: You are also apparently a cat.
[4:26:30 PM] Eggsworth: And now your genetic structure has modified to a pencil.
[4:26:34 PM] Eggsworth: Oh well. Logging off now.
[4:27:00 PM] Van: uh huh.
[4:27:00 PM] Eggsworth: But, please, you were typing something. Go ahead and finish that.
[4:27:04 PM] Van: and when did you try?
[4:27:07 PM] Van: -.-
[4:27:21 PM] Eggsworth: Everytime I clean anything ever.
[4:27:25 PM] Van: no
[4:27:27 PM] Van: bullshit
[4:27:33 PM] Van: Everytime you clean anything ever
[4:27:34 PM] Van: is for YOU
[4:27:44 PM] Eggsworth: I've got to let you know -- all my efforts being met with "You hardly did anything" makes me want to hardly do anything.
[4:27:48 PM] Van: because I said you could do something if the house was clean or took your computer
[4:27:55 PM] Van: and as SOON AS YOU GET IT BACK
[4:28:02 PM] Van: YOU IMMEDIATELY STOP WORKING
[4:28:19 PM] Eggsworth: OKAY. LET'S TAKE THIS SITUATION AND REVERSE IT.
[4:28:27 PM] Eggsworth: IF I WERE TO TAKE YOUR COMPUTER AND DEMAND A TASK OF YOU.
[4:28:35 PM] Eggsworth: You would genuinely punch me in the face.
[4:28:50 PM] Van: right. How did we get my computer?
[4:28:59 PM] Van: I bought it. With money I earned.
[4:29:03 PM] Van: How did we get your computer?
[4:29:11 PM] Van: My mom gave it to me for you to use.
[4:29:45 PM] Eggsworth: Your mom is a nice lady, but you know that and I know that, and that whole comparison is unequal bullshit.
[4:30:00 PM] Eggsworth: "What's yours is mine, whats mine is yours," by extension, you're on my computer.
[4:30:20 PM] Van: Yeah. I never agreed to any 'what's mine is your's business.'
[4:30:38 PM] Eggsworth: Oh, right.
For you it's "What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine."
[4:30:42 PM] Eggsworth: I forgot that you said that.
[4:31:14 PM] Eggsworth: How silly of me to presume equality in an equal relationship. (^)
[4:31:25 PM] Van: -yawn-
[4:31:29 PM] Eggsworth: That doesn't even look like a cake on my screen.
[4:31:34 PM] Eggsworth: That looks like a uniboob.
[4:31:41 PM] Eggsworth: I just uniboob'd you.
[4:31:43 PM] Van: I haven't taken anything that's your's.
[4:31:53 PM] Eggsworth: Aha.
[4:31:55 PM] Eggsworth: Ahahahaha.
[4:32:31 PM] Eggsworth:  ; - ; took my heart.
[4:32:40 PM] Eggsworth: And my ablity to do whatever the hell I wanted with my body
[4:32:54 PM] Van: neither of those things are possessions.
[4:33:03 PM] Eggsworth: They are to me.
[4:33:25 PM] Eggsworth: And frankly, that steak was my possession.
[4:33:31 PM] Eggsworth: So there's ONE.
[4:33:35 PM] Van: well
[4:33:38 PM] Van: you ate the steak
[4:33:42 PM] Van: so i don't see the problem.
[4:33:48 PM] Eggsworth: niqqa I didn't eat that steak.
[4:33:52 PM] Eggsworth: How could I have eaten that steak?
[4:33:54 PM] Eggsworth: I was sleeping.
[4:34:05 PM] Van: is the house clean yet.
[4:34:20 PM] Eggsworth: If I say yes will you refrain from berating me?
[4:34:26 PM] Van: no
[4:34:32 PM] Van: because lies piss me off
[4:34:48 PM] Eggsworth: You know what pisses me off?
[4:34:57 PM] Van: probably
[4:35:13 PM] Eggsworth: Distrust and general antaganism from the only person I've allowed myself to trust.
[4:35:21 PM | Edited 4:35:32 PM] Eggsworth: When I say "don't call me a retard, it hurts my feelings,"
[4:35:44 PM] Eggsworth: I pretty much mean "don't call me a retard, it hurts my feelings."
[4:36:17 PM] Van: and when I say, "i really would like you stop lying to me, because it creates distrust between us,' .....
[4:36:23 PM] Van: but you still do it.
[4:36:47 PM] Eggsworth: And let's look at the things I've lied about!
[4:36:49 PM] Eggsworth: >Cleaning
[4:36:54 PM] Eggsworth: >And/or not cleaning
[4:37:25 PM] Eggsworth: Feel free to add to the list, because my memory is genuinely shot.
[4:38:32 PM | Edited 4:39:26 PM] Van: ERROR

CRASH at function getLieList()

variable is too long to fit into array
[4:38:54 PM] Eggsworth: Uh huh. That's what I thought.
[4:39:00 PM] Eggsworth: You can break skype all you want, mister.
[4:40:11 PM] Eggsworth: Remember how that box of rice krispies had that picture of a spoon on the box and I wanted the spoon? There was no spoon inside.
[4:40:19 PM] Eggsworth: I just wanted to let you know that before we continued this.
[4:40:35 PM] Eggsworth: You have to mail in $3 to get it.
[4:41:15 PM] Eggsworth: That being said, also, this whole "Must do X to get Y" thing going on, I don't like it.
[4:42:34 PM] Van: If you liked it, then it wouldn't be nearly as good incentive.
[4:42:37 PM] Eggsworth: "Must clean house to visit friends,"
"Must clean house to visit family,"
"Must clean house for spending money,"
"Must clean house for affection (maybe,)"
"Must clean house for possible attempt at driving,"
"Must clean house for cell phone,"
"Must clean house for computer privlleges,"
"Must clean house for ability to not have to cook, etc etc
[4:43:06 PM] Van: it didn't start out like that.
[4:43:14 PM] Van: you're the one that let it get so bad.
[4:43:33 PM] Van: I just keep adding things to the list hoping that eventually something will work.
[4:43:51 PM] Eggsworth: Okay, first of all, I may be the woman, but this is a 2-for-2 deal. It's not hard for you to A) stand up, B) Throw cans away.
[4:44:07 PM] Eggsworth: But you won't do it because "It's not your job yet."
[4:45:03 PM] Van: Ok, first of all. If the ONLY part of the house that was dirty was the cans that I didn't throw away, then I wouldn't be asking you to clean/
[4:45:12 PM] Eggsworth: Every. Little. Bit. Helps. And that's really all I'm asking for! I work, Aaron. It's not a full time job, and it's not as "hard as your old job," but it is keeping us fed and generally living.
[4:45:25 PM] Eggsworth: And it's stressful on me!
[4:46:07 PM] Eggsworth: They ask a LOT OF ME. They ask more of me than anyone else who works there, and get pissed off when I can't -- literally CANNOT -- come through. They wanted me to ACTUALLY be two places at once today. When I said I couldn't do that, they  said "figure it out, I know you can."
[4:46:31 PM] Eggsworth: IF I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO CLONE MYSELF I WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS, IS ALL I'M SAYING.
[4:46:34 PM] Van: psh
[4:46:38 PM] Van: two places
[4:46:53 PM] Van: i was expected to do the work of about 3-4 people working all day
[4:46:55 PM] Van: in 15 minutes
[4:47:01 PM] Van: without exaggerating
[4:47:03 PM] Van: at all.
[4:47:15 PM] Van: and then i came home
[4:47:20 PM] Van: and did all the stuff that I still do now.
[4:47:26 PM] Van: while you did NOTHING
[4:47:31 PM] Eggsworth: With a dirty fucking house, I get that.
[4:47:33 PM] Van: except go to school
[4:47:37 PM] Van: sometimes
[4:47:44 PM] Van: and fail 2-3 classes
[4:47:48 PM] Van: 1-3 times
[4:48:23 PM] Eggsworth: Yeah, well I graduated. And if you really cared about THAT you would have badgered me about it and helped me. You know I don't like asking for help.
[4:48:31 PM] Van: i did badger
[4:48:35 PM] Van: and i did try
[4:48:42 PM] Van: but you left your homework at school
[4:48:50 PM] Van: because a 0 would have been preferable to doing work.
[4:48:53 PM] Van: apparently.
[4:48:58 PM] Eggsworth: Apparently so.
[4:49:21 PM] Eggsworth: But can we look at it this way for a second. Try putting yourself in my shoes back then, for just a moment:
[4:49:28 PM] Eggsworth: - Blissfully married at 16
[4:49:38 PM] Eggsworth: - For some reason suddenly shunned by all friends
[4:49:50 PM] Eggsworth: - Never been responsible for anything ever in entire life
[4:50:11 PM] Eggsworth:  - Wouldn't even -- couldn't even -- know how to begin to be a housewife
[4:50:27 PM] Van: I didn't ask you to be a housewife
[4:50:30 PM] Van: I asked you to clean
[4:50:34 PM] Van: and if you had TRIED
[4:50:39 PM] Van: and been really crappy at it
[4:50:44 PM] Van: then I would have helped
[4:50:50 PM] Van: but you didn't
[4:50:52 PM] Van: you just slept
[4:50:55 PM] Van: and played computer
[4:51:34 PM] Eggsworth: I admit to going on with doing the EXACT THINGS I HAD DONE ALL OF MY LIFE, because I was still in a dreamland where houses were magically cleaned while I was at school.
[4:51:50 PM] Eggsworth: And I did try at first. I tried all sorts of shit.
[4:52:27 PM] Eggsworth: Keeping trashbags nearby for easy access, throwing cans away immediately, doing dishes at least once a night -- and I can admit! That lasted less than a month!
[4:52:39 PM] Van: hah
[4:52:46 PM] Eggsworth: Keep in mind that where I grew up, I had this magical device called a DISHWASHER.
[4:52:56 PM] Van: omg.
[4:53:07 PM] Van: that is such a lazy argument
[4:53:09 PM] Eggsworth: And had the fortune of it NEVER BREAKING EVER.
[4:53:24 PM] Van: that is basically saying
[4:53:34 PM] Eggsworth: Lazy? LAZY? Haven't you already affixed this adjective on me so hard that it's embeded in my very soul?
[4:53:36 PM] Van: "i could clean, but I'm way too lazy'
[4:53:49 PM] Van: no
[4:53:51 PM] Van: that'd be you
[4:53:53 PM] Van: i guess
[4:54:03 PM] Van: I hardly ever call you lazy.
[4:54:04 PM] Eggsworth: "Lazy and retarded," Yup sounds like me, alright.
[4:54:09 PM] Eggsworth: Oh,please.
[4:54:11 PM] Van: i do call you retarded
[4:54:14 PM] Eggsworth: You call me lazy all the time.
[4:54:17 PM] Van: every time you do something retarded.
[4:54:24 PM] Van: not really
[4:54:30 PM] Van: I might say, 'stop being so lazy and clean'
[4:54:36 PM] Van: but i never say.
[4:54:38 PM] Van: Hey.
[4:54:41 PM] Van: You're lazy.
[4:55:17 PM] Eggsworth: Well, you know what, I make silly mistakes from time to time. I can admit that wholeheartedly, because everyone makes mistakes. But the more you call me "retarded" the more I cry and think, "HO SHIT. WHAT IF HE'S RIGHT AND I ACTUALLY DO HAVE A MENTAL RETARDATION DECAYING MY BRAIN AWAY."
[4:55:41 PM] Van: -yawn-
[4:55:47 PM] Eggsworth: There is this thing, this magical girl-thing, called self-esteem, and I used to have that.
[4:56:02 PM] Eggsworth: I'm retarded, and apparently untouchable. So ugly.
[4:56:03 PM] Van: you can have that back when the house is clean too.
[4:56:09 PM | Edited 4:56:43 PM] Eggsworth: No, fornicate that. That's horrible.
[4:56:10 PM] Van: Hey.
[4:56:31 PM] Van: language.
[4:56:53 PM] Van: good job.
[4:56:58 PM] Van: now
[4:56:59 PM] Eggsworth: I don't know what else it means.
[4:57:02 PM] Van: to try that again...
[4:57:04 PM] Van: Hey.
[4:57:06 PM] Van: Clean.
[4:57:17 PM] Eggsworth: Dude.
[4:57:22 PM] Van: hit and a miss...
[4:57:32 PM] Eggsworth: What did you miss?
[4:58:06 PM] Van: (facepalm)
[4:59:02 PM] Eggsworth: Anyway, no, I want to get this point across -- I feel like shit about myself. Granted, I'm sure you do too, but I actually like feeling good so I'm going to try and rectify this. I literally wake up in the morning, avoid looking in the mirror until I have to do my hair, and then make what I think may be "attractive faces" in an attempt to feel like, "hey, this mirror likes me."
[4:59:17 PM] Eggsworth: My self esteem is NOT AN OBJECT. This is unarguable and nonnegotiable.
[4:59:31 PM] Van: Well.
[4:59:39 PM] Van: I can't physically take it away from you.
[4:59:48 PM] Van: So I can't really do anything about it.
[5:00:11 PM] Eggsworth: No, I realized that when it got to the point where I had to beg for you to say "I love you, too."
[5:00:31 PM] Van: psh
[5:00:37 PM] Van: that's not even really about cleaning the house.
[5:00:46 PM] Van: i just don't like to repeat myself
[5:00:48 PM] Van: every
[5:00:49 PM] Van: 5
[5:00:50 PM] Eggsworth: It doesn't matter if you can't physically take it away from me, it's gone.
[5:00:51 PM] Van: minutes
[5:01:03 PM] Van: i say it AT LEAST once or twice a day
[5:01:05 PM] Eggsworth: I mean, you don't even voluntarily hug/kiss me.
[5:01:10 PM] Van: unless you seriously piss me off.
[5:01:13 PM] Van: sure I do.
[5:01:13 PM] Eggsworth: I HAVEN'T HEARD IT IN WEEKS.
[5:01:21 PM] Van: i said it this morning
[5:01:24 PM] Van: when you left for work
[5:01:26 PM] Van: probably
[5:01:30 PM] Eggsworth: No, you didn't.
[5:01:34 PM] Van: well
[5:01:37 PM] Van: then you didn't say it either
[5:01:43 PM] Eggsworth: No, I didn't.
[5:01:48 PM] Van: okay then
[5:01:57 PM] Eggsworth: I haven't said "I love you," in weeks. Because it HURTS to be left unanswered.
[5:02:06 PM] Van: you said it fairly recently
[5:02:07 PM] Eggsworth: *Well, days, probably
[5:02:11 PM] Van: like
[5:02:11 PM] Eggsworth: Yeah, yeah I know.
[5:02:12 PM] Van: 1-2?
[5:02:17 PM] Eggsworth: 3-4 more like
[5:02:21 PM] Van: nah.
[5:02:33 PM] Van: the point is
[5:02:38 PM] Van: if you say it in the right situation
[5:02:43 PM] Van: im not gonna not say it back
[5:02:51 PM] Van: but 200 times a day
[5:03:23 PM] Eggsworth: I don't SAY it 200 times a day.
[5:03:29 PM] Van: you would
[5:03:33 PM] Van: if I said it back every time.
[5:03:54 PM] Eggsworth: No, if you said it back every time, I would feel affirmed of its truth and feel no need to say it
[5:04:02 PM] Van: lol
[5:04:02 PM] Van: you
[5:04:05 PM] Van: xD
[5:04:06 PM] Van: think that?
[5:04:20 PM] Van: you must have a short memory.
[5:04:29 PM] Eggsworth: Of course I do, I'm retarded.
[5:05:04 PM] Van: Retarded people don't necessarily have short memories.
[5:05:51 PM] Van: is the house clean now?
[5:05:55 PM] Eggsworth: NO. IT IS NOT CLEAN.
[5:06:05 PM] Van: well
[5:06:10 PM] Van: making progress with the lies
[5:06:12 PM] Van: definitely
[5:06:31 PM] Van: maybe I should try other questions to be sure though.
[5:06:38 PM] Van: not sure what I'd ask though.
[5:06:50 PM] Eggsworth: "Is Satan's throw pillow red"
[5:06:51 PM] Eggsworth: as that
[5:06:53 PM] Eggsworth: ask that
[5:07:00 PM] Van: nah
[5:07:02 PM] Van: that's dumb
[5:07:13 PM] Eggsworth: Well its pink.
[5:07:15 PM] Eggsworth: For the record.
[5:07:20 PM] Eggsworth: but it might not be
[5:07:24 PM] Eggsworth: MY MEMORY JUST ISN'T THAT LONG.
[5:07:43 PM] Van: -yawn-
[5:08:06 PM] Eggsworth: Aaron. The retard thing seriously bothers me.
[5:08:24 PM] Van: Jasmine. The dirty house thing seriously bothers me.
[5:08:26 PM] Eggsworth: And I am 100% serious when I say I want it to stop.
[5:08:41 PM] Van: And I am 100% serious when I say I want it clean.
[5:09:02 PM] Eggsworth: I, atleast, make effort every once an awhile.
[5:09:06 PM] Van: -yawn
[5:09:09 PM] Van: so do I
[5:09:23 PM] Van: i only call you retarded in situations that really really call for it.
[5:09:29 PM] Eggsworth: I don't give a hoot
[5:09:38 PM] Eggsworth: Don't pollute
[5:09:46 PM] Eggsworth: -- with your mean mannerisms that make me feel worthless
[5:09:47 PM] Van: ...
[5:09:59 PM] Van: are...
[5:10:03 PM] Van: are you trying to get me to say it?
[5:10:06 PM] Van: o.o
[5:10:10 PM] Eggsworth: No.
[5:10:42 PM] Van: I don't know....
[5:10:49 PM] Van: it REALLY REALLY looked like it.
[5:11:06 PM] Eggsworth: Okay, don't you even. That was a dope rhyme, and you apparently cannot comprehend it.
[5:11:12 PM] Van: ...
[5:11:13 PM] Van: you are.
[5:11:16 PM] Eggsworth: I am not.
[5:11:19 PM] Van: you are trying
[5:11:24 PM] Eggsworth: I am not trying.
[5:11:46 PM] Eggsworth: If it seems like it to you, hold your tounge.
[5:12:17 PM] Van: you could hold your tongue when you're about to say something really really stupid too, you know.
[5:13:15 PM] Van: -yawn
[5:13:20 PM] Van: are you cleaning now?
[5:13:30 PM] Van: that'd be a good reason to stop talking to me.
[5:13:38 PM] Eggsworth: NO I HAVE TO PEE.
[5:13:44 PM] Van: meh.
[5:15:14 PM] Van: uhm
[5:15:26 PM] Van: i still haven't heard you go to the bathroom yet.
[5:15:33 PM] Van: there you are.
[5:15:38 PM] Van: sure did take forever.
[5:15:51 PM] Van: it's not that big a house.
[5:16:35 PM] Eggsworth: >listening to me go to the restroom
[5:16:44 PM] Eggsworth: Okaaaaaaaay....
[5:16:53 PM] Eggsworth: Anyway, stopped to fix kitten mess.
[5:16:58 PM] Eggsworth: SEE I CAN CLEAN UP AFTER SHIT
[5:17:19 PM] Van: cleaning up after is all well and good.
[5:17:28 PM] Van: but i just want the house cleaned.
[5:17:44 PM | Edited 5:18:02 PM] Van: although cleaning after the cats will always be your job.
[5:17:52 PM] Van: so that's good too.
[5:18:17 PM] Eggsworth: And I want tattoos and pericings, a driver's license and a smartphone
[5:18:29 PM] Van: if you're lucky.
[5:18:33 PM] Van: you can have one of those.
[5:18:48 PM] Van: that third one.
[5:18:56 PM] Van: but it's pretty pointless atm.
[5:19:19 PM] Eggsworth: I don't care if it's pointless.
[5:19:22 PM] Eggsworth: I'm NINETEEN.
[5:19:32 PM] Van: yup
[5:19:43 PM] Van: but I don't really like pointless spending money.
[5:19:53 PM] Eggsworth: I don't want my first driver's license to be the "over 21" license.
[5:19:57 PM] Eggsworth: It's not pointless.
[5:20:02 PM] Van: it kinda is.