Opposite Day and MLK Day

One day a few years back I discovered the cure to cancer. Unfortunately that day turned out to be opposite day so I ended up just giving a whole bunch of people cancer. Seriously, what an awful holiday; if it weren’t for flag day and arbor day it would be the absolute worst.

Speaking of holidays, I had to work on Martin Luther King JR. day last year, which was bullshit. So I printed out a picture of my hero MLK and taped it on the wall in my work space. Now, I work at a place that has more racist people than it has people who are not racist. At least it seems that way because the racist people are all loud about it and the non racist people just try to ignore them. So putting up the picture of MLK was kind of like putting a flag up on the wall that said, “I don’t care what you racist assholes think.” Then of course some redneck guy I work with walked up and said, “ew, you should take that down.” And I went off on the guy, but for a totally self righteous reason so it felt wonderful, “Ew? Did you just say ew to a picture of Martin Luther King JR? He was a great man, you racist piece of human garbage. I’m not going to take your shit, especially today, a day which commemorates the civil rights struggle and the iconic black rights leader Martin Luther King. Go back to your outhouse and make love to your cousin, you inbred shit clown.” He was obviously startled by my aggressive response and it took him a second to compose himself before responding, “Dude, I’m not racist; that’s a picture of Kanye West.”