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SPC-001-EX 4

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Jan 9th, 2025
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  1. BLUE AEGIS LEVEL 5/001 FILE – ERSATS SUGGESTION-001
  2.  
  3. CORRESPONDENCE:
  4.  
  5. SPC-001: yo, wassup
  6.  
  7. High Pugilord: Oh, hey 001. What’s up?
  8.  
  9. SPC-001: i gotta idea on how you can punch sharks better
  10.  
  11. High Pugilord: Really? Do tell!
  12.  
  13. SPC-001: okay, so you know fish, right
  14.  
  15. High Pugilord: Yeah.
  16.  
  17. SPC-001: you know how sharks eat fish, right
  18.  
  19. High Pugilord: Yeah!
  20.  
  21. SPC-001: okay, so what if you got a bunch of fish
  22.  
  23. High Pugilord: YEAH?
  24.  
  25. SPC-001: and castrated them before hanging their corpses on the walls of every facility
  26.  
  27. High Pugilord: …what?
  28.  
  29. SPC-001: yeah, it’s a good idea, right
  30.  
  31. High Pugilord: Uh, how would that help us punch sharks? Furthermore, can fish even be castrated?
  32.  
  33. SPC-001: yes fish have balls. you just can’t normally see them
  34.  
  35. High Pugilord: Okay, but even if they do, how would this help us?
  36.  
  37. SPC-001: trust me bro, it will. i have a good source
  38.  
  39. High Pugilord: Who’s your source?
  40.  
  41. SPC-001: it’s me. trust me bro
  42.  
  43. High Pugilord: Alright. I guess we can try it.
  44.  
  45. RESPONSE:
  46.  
  47. Following SPC-001’s suggestion, the Centre purchased approximately 7,000 male tunas. After testing to ensure the fish had not been contaminated by Selachian Entities, they were disseminated to all facilities currently in operation alongside instructions for them to be castrated and hung onto the walls.
  48.  
  49. RESULTS:
  50.  
  51. Despite detailed instructions on how to do so, the majority of personnel assigned to castrating the fish could not locate the testes, resulting in them entering a rage-state. Facilities with personnel who were successful in the castration and subsequent hanging of the fish only reported a terrible stench permeating throughout the buildings.
  52.  
  53. However, it was later discovered that a hostile sect of the Sharkic Cults had been planning to purchase the same amount of tunas for a significant thaumaturgic ritual that would have increased the power and hostility of all Selachian Entities within the Atlantic Ocean. The purchase of the tunas at SPC-001's suggestion depleted the local supply, resulting in the sect being unable to perform the ritual.
  54.  
  55. ***
  56. SPC-001-EX
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