June 8th 2018 Blog (My feelings)

When they asked Wyatt what named he'd like, he said "Raven" a character on one of his favorite television shows
"That is not a real name" Wayne complained "That's a TV Name"

Today is June 8th, 2018 and today has been wonderful so far.
I picked up "Becoming Nicole" again and it caused stress, as well as feelings of confidence.

The book makes me really happy how accepting her family is of her and her experience with a first kiss.

I still have not had my first kiss and she mentions the fear of feeling a boy will never fully like her due to being transgender.

I honestly have that as one of my biggest insecurities that people will always see me as transgender first and never as a full woman.

Right now I crave being able to chat with Summer, because the power is out and I want to tell them the good news.

Summer is my best friend, and I love them a lot. Summer has been around at my lowest times.

I told my mom to call Social Security and I was ready to be officially Raven, the office is open again on Monday and she will make an appointment. I told my mom that I did not want to go alone.

I am getting a hair cut today and I just want to get my hair trimmed a tiny bit. I also am going to pick the shade of purple I want, we have to come back another day to get it dyed.

I feel like I am making progress emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I cried while writing this, because I just have so much to say.

I really want to buy a dress now, I really do. I want to start feeling pretty and not just cute.

Sure I would just wear a dress at home, because I don't want to be that loud. I just want to, I want to be a girl, I want to be even more girly.

I feel like even though I spend a lot of money on clothes, I have to, because it is for my own confidence and I feel liberated whne I try on new clothes that I want and not what my parents want.

I am just am angsty teen, but I am in a 27 year old body. Gender dysphoric is hitting me and honestly I rather die trying to be who I want to be than live a lie.

I am Raven, I am trying to come up with a cute middle name.

My middle name is James and I wonder if Jamie or Jaminne sounds more feminine.

The truth is I am lot more confident than I used to be. I think I might have to start wearing a bra.
Like not because I physically need one, but I feel like it would make me appear more girly and I would feel more girly.

I learned a couple days ago that we will not move and that disappointed me. I figured that since I am staying here , I might as well just move forward.

I have to get something out, I still have never had my first kiss. The truth is sex is less important than having my first kiss. A lot of my life I been waiting for one, but I was in a boy body and I felt I had to with a girl.
I want my first kiss to be special, I also want it with a boy. You want the truth, I want a boyfriend. I know I am panxexual and gender doesn't matter, in all honesty I want my first kiss to be with a boy, my boyfriend.

I wish I could go back in time and come out earlier, because even though I know I would have been made fun of, it would have been good.

One thing I would really want is to hear my dad say I am his beautiful daughter. I never been called beautiful and I just want to hear it from my dad.

I really wish I started earlier and came out when I was much younger.

I know now that I really am transgender, because some day I questioned if I really was. I am Raven, I am transgender.

As long as she's happy

As long as I'm happy

As long as I'm happy

As long as I'm happy

As long as I'm happy

As long as I'm happy

All that matters is if I'm happy.

I love everyone who has stuck with me on my journey.

Thank you all.