The Most Dangerous Lay

>Be Moondancer, professional nerd and newly appointed head of research in Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns
>It was a very important day
>Probably one of the most important in your three-month career
>Since before you had been given your appointment, you had been tracking a very serious threat to Equestria
>It was an invasion of sorts
>Not like an invasion of arms like the Changelings had attempted, or an invasion of might, like what Triek had tried to do
>This was far more subtle, and much more dangerous
>It had only been with the greatest of luck that you had even noticed it happening when you did
>And now, after almost two months of official research--five unofficially-- many sleepless nights, and a boatload of taxpayers money spent, you were positive that you had everything you needed to bring this threat to light
>At that very moment, you were standing in one of the school's many massive classrooms, notes and a projector on either side of you
>Sitting right in front of you were some of the most important and powerful ponies in Equestria
>There was Princess Luna, Celestia, Cadence, and Twilight
>There was the arch-duchess and war hero Fleur de Lis, along with a few other hard-bitten marcher ladies
>You could see the head of the Apple clan, Empress Apple, sitting in attendance
>Among this group were also archmages and scientists and all manner of other mares
>Each one had been specifically chosen
>These were strong-willed, powerful, smart, and tough mares
>Some of the best and brightest that your little kingdom had to offer
>They also knew when to keep their traps shut
>Nopony else, other than the ones in this room right now, knew that this meeting was happening
>The information was too sensitive for public knowledge, too dangerous if heard by the wrong mare or stallion


"Before we begin, I'd like to thank each and every one of you for coming today," you began, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose. "I know that you're all very busy mares, so if it’s alright with you, I'd like to begin straight away."
>Your horn glowed
>With a spell, you levitated your projector to the center of the room and pulled down the white projector screen
>You could see the tip of Twilight's horn glowing as she dimmed the lights
>Just like everypony else here, she had absolutely no idea why you had called them all here--you had been purposefully vague-- but she nevertheless gave you a supportive smile
>You took a deep breath
>Alright filly...
>Time to shine...
"As I'm sure you're all aware for the last few months a whole new race has been appearing within our borders."
>With a spell, your projector came to life, flashing your first picture onto the screen
>It was of one of the many humans that had been appearing in Equestria over the last day
>His name was REDACTED, or as you liked to call him S000-01
"Nopony knows why this new race, these humans are appearing in our kingdom, though a few of you are no doubt looking into that," you said, inclining your head to a few of the magi, science ponies, and the princesses. "But I have a feeling that the answer, you will eventually find, will be a far darker one than you were expecting."
>A murmur went up among the crowd
>Dr. Four Eyes, the head of her field in Thermo-Ventricular magics, raised a hoof
>"And what do you mean by that, Ms. Dancer?"
"I mean that we're facing an invasion, ma’am," you said. "An invasion unlike any that we've ever seen before."
>With another spell, you went to the next picture of your presentation
>This one was of a map of Equestria itself, covered in little red dots


"Since the first sighting of the human REDACTED, more than five hundred humans have appeared in Equestria," you said, levitating over a ruler and tapping it against your screen. "At this moment there are twenty in Canterlot, over thirty in Manehattan, a dozen in Las Pegasus, five in Hollow Shades, and ten in Dodge City, with the rest peppered here and there."
>"There are," Princess Luna said with a nod. "My sister and I sent most of them to where they are now residing."
>You looked over at the Princess of the Night
"Are you sure you did your highness, or were you coerced into doing so?"
>Princess Luna cocked her head to the side, her brow furrowing
>"Coerced? Whatever do you mean by that?"
"What I mean your highness, is that I believe that the humans wish to be as spread out as possible so that they can take our little kingdom over before we'd be able to mount any resistance."
>Fleur de Lis let out a snort
>"I can assure you that Equestria would be far harder to take over than that, Ms. Dancer," she said, leaning forward in her chair. "Though I myself cannot see how a few hundred stallions could do such a thing."
"There are just a few hundred, you're absolutely correct, my lady," you said with another bow of your head. "But don't you think it's odd that out of every human we've found, they've only been male?"
>You looked out into the crowd of mares
"Five hundred stallions just drop into our kingdom without warning. I don’t know about anypony else here, but I find that a little suspicious."
>"What what's wrong with that? More cock for us!" somepony in the back yelled
>Good-natured laughter erupted from the crowd
>Even you couldn't help but smile, though it was for another reason
"Exactly, and that's the exact thought process that'll leave us utterly defeated unless we take the proper steps."
>Silence descended upon the room


>You could see some of the militaristic mares with their ears perked up
>There was more quiet murmurs and the exchanging of looks
>It looked like you really had their attention now
>Good...
>Slowly, Princess Celestia raised a hoof
>"Moondancer, you've presented us with some very serious accusations," she said. "Accusations about a group of stallions no less. Stallions that my sister and I have interviewed personally, and have found completely harmless."
>"Aye, in fact, we are quite close friends with a few of them" Princess Luna added with a nod.
>You heard some murmurs of agreement
>Many of these mares no doubt knew a human or two
>They were in every town, every city, and their statures made them hard to ignore
>Princess Luna, giving you a look, made a motion with her hoof
"But, if you have the proper evidence to support your claims, however wild they may be, I'm sure we'd all be happy to listen."
>You looked around the crowds to see mares nodding
>You could tell that most of them thought you were full of horse apples, but that couldn't be helped
>If they were still willing to listen you'd show them the wolves they had allowed into their pig pens
>...
>That was a saying right...?
>Giving your head a little shake, you changed the picture on your projector
>It was a picture of another human walking amongst a group of ponies
>There was a smile on the human's face, and the ponies around him were laughing
"Time and again we've seen the negative effects of introducing a foreign species to an ecosystem."
>You tapped your ruler against the screen
"They destroy important plantlife, drive the local species extinct, drive migrating species out so that they’re never seen again. We saw all of these things when the Howling Frog was introduced to Foggy Bottom Swamp; We saw it when the May Pie Fly came to Appleloosa."


>You looked up at the projection screen, your brow furrowing
"Your highnesses, my ladies, professor and magi alike, I say that this is happening to us as we speak. We are facing a foreign species that was born and bred to destroy society as we know it."
>"And how would they do such a thing?" Fleur de Lis demanded, crossing her forelegs. "There's no human females for them to breed, and the human stallions that I've met don't seem particularly dangerous."
"You're right, at first glance the humans don't seem all that dangerous," you agreed. "They're a good deal larger than ponies, stronger than unicorns and untrained pegasi, but they're magicless and their numbers are relatively few compared to ours."
"But if you just look closely you'll find that a human male is far, FAR more dangerous than you could ever imagine."
>You tapped a hoof against the marble floor, the sound echoing throughout the silent room
>For several seconds, there was a pause, before the door to the classroom was thrown open
>Your assistants, Brown Noser and Fly High, wearing hazmat suits, slowly trotted in
>They were pushing someone along, bound and secured, in a metal chair
>It was Anon, also known as S001-34
>S001-34 looked a bit disheveled and confused, but thankfully he was just allowed himself to be pushed along
>You looked over the humans restraints
>Your assistants had secured him fully
>Good...
>Now there was no chance of him escaping...
>As the human was wheeled in, the mares watching looking on with varying degrees of outrage, confusion, and disbelief
>Princess Celestia in particular looked less than happy, as she quickly rose from her seat and made her way toward you


>"Moondancer, my dear, please don't tell me that you took this poor stallion against his will and forced him to come in here," she said, very nearly frowning. "Because if you did I promise that it won't go very well for you."
>She looked over at S001-34 while your teats twisted just a bit at her not so subtle threat
>"Anonymous? Are you okay dear?"
>S001-34 looked around, blinking owlishly
>"I... think?" he said. "Moony and her nerd friends promised me chocolate and I somehow ended up in this thing..."
>He glanced around a bit more, before looking up at the princess
>"This isn't some weird noble rape thing is it?"
>Princess Celestia's eyes widened in alarm, though Princess Luna, who was still seated with the rest of the mares, let out an amused snort
>"No it’s not, Anon," Princess Celestia quickly assured. "Nopony here will harm you, and if you wish it, I'll free you at once."
>S001-34 gave you a questioning look, which you tactfully ignored, before shrugging
>"Well... it's not like I'm uncomfortable or anything," he said, leaning back into the wheelchair. "A bit confused, and I'd like some more chocolate, but I guess I'll sit here until Moony's done with her weird nerd shit."
"It's not weird nerd shit!" you snapped. "This is careful scientific research and study!"
>S001-34’s nose scrunched up
>"Yeah, nerd shit. You nerd."
>"Are you sure, Anon?" Celestia asked, loosening the straps securing his arms and legs.
>"Yeah, I'm sure," S001-34 replied, before looking over at you. "But I'm gonna want a lot more chocolate after this is over. The good stuff from that one store near the pizza place. And fudge, a whole lot of fudge."
>...
>Shit...
>That store's expensive as horse apples...
>Still, you probably could dump the cost on the crown...


"I'll make sure to get you your chocolate, Anon," you said. "AFTER this is over. Now please be quiet and let me get on with my presentation."
>S001-34 nodded, motioning you to begin with a bound hand
"Your highness, if you'd please take a seat..."
>Princess Celestia, though she didn't look entirely too thrilled with what was going on, did as you asked, making her way back toward her seat
>As she did that you made sure to cast a quick spell on S001-34
>The spell that no unicorn went without learning
>Clover the Clever's in-one-ear-out-the-other charm
>Now S001-34 would be able to talk all he wanted but nopony would hear him except you, which would hopefully allow you to continue your presentation without interruption
>Now...
>Coughing into a hoof, you turned your attention back toward the rest of your audience
"This, ladies, is the homo faggous youous, otherwise known as a human being."
>You poked S001-34’s shoulder with your ruler
"As I've said before, a human, especially a human male, doesn't seem particularly dangerous at first glance. In fact, many humans, especially Anon here, look about as frightening as a puppy dog."
>S001-34’s nose scrunched up
>"Says the marshmallow horse."
"But, if we were to look a bit closer, we'd find some very unsettling things," you continued, ignoring S001-34
>With a spell, you very gently opened S001-34’s mouth
"Though a human’s bite strength is minimal compared to other species, it's usually enough to break the skin of most animals."
>You tapped one of S001-34's canines
"But that isn't remarkable. What IS remarkable is that their saliva carries a very particular bacteria, the Amorethyigon Gydongia."
>A few of the more brainy mares in attendance perked up, but for everypony else you may as well have been speaking a different language
>You changed the picture in your projection to show the little bacteria enlarged so that it could be easily seen


"The Amorethyigon Gydongia, otherwise known as the love bug, is only usually seen in dovey lovey-tulips," you continued. "If administered in high enough doses, it's able to chemically alter a mare or stallion for a brief amount of time. These alterations usually cause said mare or stallion to feel happiness, or affection, or even love for ponies or things."
>You switched the projection's picture to a graph
>"The green bar here is the amount of Amorethyigon Gydongia in a dovey-lovey tulip," you said, tapping against the projection screen. "The blue bar is the bare minimum amount needed to effect an average sized mare."
>You looked up at the two bars, which were absolutely tiny compared to the third bar
"The yellow bar is the amount of love bug in a tablespoon of human saliva."
>Eyes widened, and a whistle came from the crowd
>One of your colleagues, a very bright doctor named Pocket Protector, raised a hoof
>"Excuse me, but are you sure these findings are correct, professor?" she asked. "For something to be able to produce that much..."
>"What? Is that bad?" S001-34 asked, looking around. "What's wrong with my spit? What about a love bug?"
"At first, I was positive that my findings were wrong, just as I'm sure many of you are thinking, but no matter what I did or however many times I changed my procedures, equipment, and subjects the results were conclusive."
>Pocket Protector dryly swallowed
>"...And how many subjects were you able to acquire?" she asked
"I was able to collect saliva from every human in Canterlot and Ponyville," you replied
>While that was less than fifty humans, it was a large enough sample of the population to show that your findings weren't just some fluke
>You looked over at S001-34
>He was looking back at you puzzled, his brow furrowed and his nose scrunched up
>For many, it would have looked adorable, but you knew the beast lurking just under that little snoot and those green eyes
"It seems that human men have the ability to make a pony affectionate with just a kiss."


>Whispers erupted from the crowd of mares
>Many looked at the bar graph you had laid out, then at S001-34, then at you
>You let this talking continue for a few moments, so that you could collect your thoughts, before taking a deep breath and continuing
"But that isn't all. Is you were to look very carefully you'd realize that a human nearly every limb on a human is geared for seduction.”
>You tapped your ruler against S001-34's cheek
"Humans have very small eyes, not unlike a foals. That, along with their usually soft, shapely faces with them a sense of helplessness or gentleness, as do their small, button-like noses."
>S001-34's button-like nose scrunched up a little harder
"Who are you calling soft-faced, you dork? Just because I like my chocolate doesn't mean that I--"
"If I could have a few mares step forward for a few moments I'd appreciate it."
>The mares looked at each other while you tapped your ruler against S001-34’s thigh
"Come on now, it'll just be for a second," you assured. "Come on, Anon here won't bite."
>"I might actually," S001-34 said, and was ignored
>After a second or two, Twilight rose from her seat
>A few seconds after that, Fleur de Lis stood up as well
>You smiled
"If you two would come over here I'd like to show the rest of the mares in attendance something."
>Both Twilight and the duchess did as you asked, trotting over and standing on either side of you
>S001-34 looked at both of them before making eye contact with you
>"...Are you sure this isn't some kind of weird sex cult thing?" he asked. "Because I wouldn't say no, but I would have liked a bit of warning first if it is..."
>You turned toward Fleur
"My lady if you'd indulge me I'd appreciate it if you pressed your muzzled against Anon's chest and took a deep breath."
>The duchess raise an eyebrow but, old soldier she was, didn't question your request


>With a, "pardon me ser," she leaned forward, pressed her muzzle lightly against S001-34's chest and took a sniff
>Not half a second passed before you saw a visible shudder ran up the duchess's spine
>Her eyes widened in surprise, and you saw her body grow tense
>Pressing her muzzle a little more firmly against the human's chest, she took in a deep breath
>"Hmmmmm..."
>S001-34 looked down at the mare, more bemused than anything
>"You know, you keep telling me that this isn't a sex thing, but I'm starting to feel that you're all full of shit," he said, moving his head back to avoid the duchess's horn as she began to rub her muzzle back and forth against his chest
>You looked over at Twilight, who was staring at the unicorn with wide-eyed disbelief
"I'd ask you to take a smell as well, Twilight, but I think the duchess here has proven my point enough."
>With a spell, you changed the picture on your projector
>This one was of a human male, his arms outstretched
"Along with their saliva, the human has other multiple tools of seduction."
>Avoiding the duchess as best as you could, you tapped your ruler against Anon's underarms
"There are specialized glands in a human male's armpits and groin area that are specifically designed to pump out pheremones in such a concentration as to leave even a hardened war hero like Ms. Lis here in a stupor. These glands are particularly active when the human begins to sweat, as Anon here is doing now."
>Seeing that Fleur was slowly nuzzling herself downward to S001-34's groin area, you gave her a quick tap on the horn with your ruler
>The unicorn twitched, her head shooting up into the air
>As she looked around, you were able to see her half-lidded, hazy eyes and her almost dopey expression
"Interestingly enough, this pheromone, along with being very powerful, can not only be smelled by everything from ponies to gryphons to dragons, but it is very hard to nullify with any kind of magic or mask. Also, it is very interesting to note that this pheromone does not affect the males of any given species in any way."


>Seeing that the duchess was still out of it, you gave her horn another tap
>She blinked, her eyes clearing
>"What in Equestria...?" she murmured, rubbing her temple with a hoof
"You'll be completely fine in a minute or two, my lady," you said. "Though the pheromone can be quite powerful if inhaled at very close distances, its effects don't last much longer than their saliva."
>Fleur's eyes eyes snapped toward S001-34
>Though she didn't blush, as much mares would have in her position, she did inclined her head
>"I beg your forgiveness, ser. I… I do not know what came over me."
>"It's fine, tall white horse," S001-34 replied, though she couldn't hear him. "Just remember to buy me dinner next time."
>You turned your attention back toward the crowd of mares, who were now all intently watching what was happening
"In my studies, I've found that this pheromone is designed to spread throughout a room, so that the concentration isn't so powerful as to leave a mare in a stupor, but to reel her in as it were. My lady, if you'd please step away for a moment I'd like Princess Twilight to help me with this next part."
>Giving S001-34 a look, Fleur did as you asked
>You motioned Twilight forward, who did so with only a bit of caution
"Along with their varying hormones and bacteria, a human male also has a pair of soft, very agile claws, not unlike a minotaurs."
>The tip of your horn glowed, expelling the charm that you had placed on the human
>With a flick of your horn you undid the straps holding S001-34's left arm in place
"Anon, if you'd please go ahead and begin petting Princess Twilight please."
>S001-34 looked at you, then looked at Twilight, who was trying her hardest not to squirm
>"...Okay."
>Slowly, S001-34 lifted his hand and placed it on Twilight's head
>Twilight ruffled her wings, but other than that she was completely still
>That is, before S001-34 began scratching
>You, along with everypony else in attendance, watched as his fingers parted her mane and lightly scratched her scalp


>Twilight let out a quiet gasp, stomping her back leg
>Her eyes widened and her ears perked up, which gave S001-34 the perfect opportunity to begin scratching one of them
"Though they don't look like it, the human claw, or hand as they call it, is a nearly unparalleled instrument in the art of scratching, petting, and touching," you said as Twilight's gasps turned into  pleased groans, all of the tension leaving her body. "No other paw or claw is as soft and flexible as it, and very few are comparatively as strong."
>Twilight, her eyes slowly slipping closed, shuffled forward
>Letting out a quiet knicker, she attempted to rest her head on S001-34's thigh, only for Fleur de Lis to wrench the ruler out of your magic and slap her rump with it
>"Control yourself, highness!" she snapped. "Especially while in the presence of a stallion!"
>Twilight yelped in both surprise and pain, leaping into the air with limbs flailing
>She would have crashed face first into the ground had you not caught her and sat her down with a spell
>"I-I, um... what h-happened?" she asked, a blush exploding across her face as she looked around.
>The duchess let out a grunt, hoofing you back your ruler
"You were about to lay your head in this stallion's lap, your highness," she said
>She looked over at S001-34, who looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh
>"Ohmygosh! I'm sorry, Anon! I-I don't know what came over m-me!"
>"It's alright, princess," S001-34 said with a smile. "I know how you ponies get with your pets. Moony espec--"
"All human males seem to get as much pleasure petting mares as the mare gets pleasure from the petting. This closeness also allows the human's pheromones to begin their work."
>You flipped through a few pages in your projector
>Of humans petting mares
>Mares setting in humans laps, snoozing
>A human and a mare hugging each other
"A human male, with its surprisingly soft, furless skin, it also very pleasant to touch, so much so that most ponies can't help but get close, which does the same job as the petting."


>You used a spell to once again restrain S001-34's arm
>Other than shaking his head and muttering something about silly ponies, S001-34 did nothing to stop you from doing so
"There are quite a number of other things that I could go over, both physical and social that make the human male so dangerous. I could tell you that many humans are monogamous by choice or are far more agreeable and approachable than many stallions. I could also go into their views on clothing, their mannerisms, I could reiterate many of the points I’ve made, but I won't."
>"Because you're lazy," S001-34 commented, and was lightly smacked in the knee for his trouble
"Because all of the evidence that I've presented to you all can be explained away in some way or another. A human's biological traits could just be a trick of evolution and nothing more. So I will speak of something that can't be so easily explained. The human reproductive system."
>The projector clicked as you changed the picture
>This was of a human stallionhood
"This, gentlemares, is the human penis. Unlike a stallion, which balloons his cocks to an erect state through the use of a specialized gland, the human penis enters a hardened state through the flow of blood through the organ. This allows a human to become erect very easily."
>You flipped through a few pictures of human cocks, some soft, some hard
>S001-34's eyes narrowed
>"Where the hell did you get all of those pictures, Moony? And is that me coming out of the shower--"
"It is also worth noting that no human goes into a state of rut, but is in a continuous state of heat as soon as he matures into a adolescent."
>You flipped through a few more pictures
>These were of a more... intimate nature
>Of mares making love to human stallions, of human stallions holding down and rutting mares
>These pictures were, admittedly, not as easy to acquire as you would have liked
>Though sex demons that may or may not be, some humans wanted very little to do with ponies romantically


>At least that's what they wanted you to believe...
>But, enough humans had gotten into enough physical relationships that you were able to get your point across
"And with this constant state of arousal comes a sex drive that is on par with a mares."
>"Bucking AWESOME..." somepony in the crowd said, which had more than a few heads bobbing
>Your nose scrunched at the lack of seriousness, but you were able to ignore it for the most part, switching your picture back to the human penis
"Once again, this could be nothing more than a coincidence, as is the human's sexual stamina, the shape and size of their sexual organs, their refractory period, and a list of other things, if not for one thing. The human sperm."
>With a flick of your horn, you changed the picture to a sperm cell
>A human sperm cell to be more specific
"Though it looks nothing out of the ordinary, THIS is the most dangerous thing in the human's arsenal," you said with the utmost seriousness. "I've run test on all manner of eggs. Dragon, earth pony, unicorn, pegasus, gryphon, diamond dog, even alicorn, and the results are all the same. No matter the species, even a drop of human semen will take."
>You changed the page on the projector to a human and pony couple
>The human was knelt down beside the mare with his hand on her belly
>A belly that was already beginning to show
"This seed is so entirely potent that I believe it has the ability to impregnate a mare when she is out of season."
>Twilight's brow furrowed
>"Out of season? Are you sure?"
>You nodded
"The mare in the picture is proof. It was in the middle of winter when she found out that she was a month along in her pregnancy."
>You tapped your ruler against the ground
“While that may be a fluke of some kind, or the mares might have went into heat for some other reason, but I’d bet my cutiemark that we’ll be hearing of more out of season mares carrying foals in the coming year.”
>With that, a chorus of whispers erupted from the audience
>There was pointing, very heated discussion, and one or twice you were positive that there was going to be a hooffight
>In the midst of this chaos, Princess Celestia, Luna, and Cadence stared at the happily pregnant mare, all with thoughtful expressions on their faces


>"And do the doctors know what the child is going to look like, Moondancer?" Princess Celestia asked, her voice carrying over the other chatter
"From what I've been told, it looks like it’s going to be a perfectly healthy earth pony, your highness," you replied
>"So it is no abomination or hybrid?" Princess Luna asked
"No, I don't believe so, your grace. It will be a normal pony, though I don't doubt that it will have a few features from its father."
>The chatter disappeared, and silence reigned
>You could feel dozens of eyes on you
>You had the complete attention of the most powerful mares in Equestria, and not only that they were hanging on your every word
>You drew yourself up to your full height
“Gentlemares, ladies, doctors, I bring this information to you because you’re the only ones that can do something about it. These humans, these men, they can alter our very way of life if more begin to come.”
>You pointed at S001-34, who was staring off into space
“Stallions or no, these creatures will be our ruin if we let them. They want to breed us out to have some kind of… other race, something not quite pony. I don’t doubt that they wish to spread throughout Equus until all other species are nothing more than these odd hybrids. So we must fight back against them in anyway that we can. We must show them that, no matter what they do, they will not break us! We are Equestrians, and they would do well to remember that!”
>Once again, discussion exploded throughout the crowd of mares for several minutes
>The princesses leaned toward each other, quietly conversing
>Ponies seeing this, leaned toward them and began adding their two bits
>As the chatter rose in volume, you couldn't help but smile to yourself
>Bucking nailed it...
>S001-34, who was looking at the crowd just like you, leaned forward
>"So I'm like some weird sex alien to you guys then?" he whispered
"Yep."
>He nodded, leaning back into his chair and eyeing Fleur, who was still staring at him intently
>"Huh... Neat."
>Seconds trickled by as the mares continued to talk
>These seconds turned into minutes
>Nearly an hour passed of intense conversation before Princess Celestia finally stood up
>"Moondancer, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing this information to our attention."
>You bowed
"There's no need to thank me, your highness. I was simply doing what anypony else would do if they were in my position."
>"Humility aside, I believe that your concerns are valid, and my fellow princesses, as well as everypony else in attendance, will begin taking steps to meet this... threat head on."
>You bowed a little lower
"Thank you very much, your Highness..."


>"Yes but even so I believe that a bit more study is needed," another mare said standing up.
>Other mares stood up as well, all of them staring at S001-34
>Princess Celestia nodded
>”Yes. If these humans are the… menace you say they are, and if only half of what you’ve told us is true, we need to learn everything about their race.”
>“Maybe attempt to bring more over ourselves, or perhaps travel to their world in an attempt at espionage,” Princess Luna added, a glint in her eye as she licked her lips. “And I don’t suppose that it would hurt if we were to run a few… tests on the humans we currently have at our disposal.”
>”Thorough tests,” one of the nobles said
>”Y-Yeah, very thorough,” an archmage agreed, producing a handkerchief and dabbing her forehead with it. “Lots and lots and LOTS of research…”
>Fleur drew herself up to her full height
>”If it pleased your majesties, I’d be happy to lead an expeditionary force myself to the human’s world,” she said, eyeing S001-34 meaningfully.
>”Can I go to?” someone asked
>”Me too, I wanna go!”
>”What about me? I wanna go to a world full of sex aliens!”
>”Buck you Sea Breeze! You already got to go to the Saddle Arabian embassy a few months ago! Give the rest of us a chance to get some action!”
>”No buck you! I DESERVE this!”
>Excited chatter erupted throughout the classroom
>You, looking at the most powerful mares in Equestria acting like a bunch of school fillies, sighed explosively
>S001-34, meanwhile, leaned over toward you
>”I KNEW this was a sex thing.”
>...
>Celestia dammit...