SO THIS JUST HAPPENED

Crossing over the treacherous mountain paths, you walk past an ominous cave.  The bones and the smell of death convince you to hasten your pace.  However, as you walk by, you hear a deep bellow and a snort as a monstrous man with a bull's head steps out.  With hell in his eyes and a giant ax in his hand, he begins to approach you in clear rage.  As he comes out into the light, you see that he is completely naked and sports a monstrous erection as angry as the minotaur himself, freely leaking a steady stream of pre-cum as he stalks you.

You stumble in your attempt to escape and realize that you are completely helpless.  The minotaur towers over you and heaves his ax for a coup de grace.  As he readies the blow, a monstrous explosion rocks the entire mountainside, causing the bull-man to stumble before he can finish you off. You look around, bewildered, trying to understand this strange new turn of events, and notice a group of maybe half a dozen people approaching from further up the path.  They appear to be a motley crew clad in blue and carrying monstrous weapons.  The tallest man holds a weapon made of multiple rotating tubes, and begins spinning the barrels.  A second later, while screaming in a language you do not understand, a rain of lead begins shredding the minotaur into a cloud of blood and flesh.

An equally imposing black man with a patch over one eye begins firing canisters at the beast, which explode violently.  "Ya ragged-arsed beast man!" he taunts.  "Ye should pick on someone yer own size, BOY-O! HEHEHE!"

Coming up the path next is a freak of a person clad in a contained shiny suit with weapon that burns with flame.  He freely walks into the explosions and gunfire and begins igniting the beast.

"MRPHHUMFHRUFH!!!!! HUMFHUFMMRUF!" the freak mumbles through his mask.

"I like me steak well done, ye crazy bugger!" yells the black man.

The beast collapses in a charred and bloody heap.   As you stand back up, you hear a strange noise behind you.  You turn around to find a well-dressed man wearing a ski mask and smoking a cigarette.  "Don't you know ze mountains are dangereuse," the man says with a thick accent.  "You will get FUCKED up here if you are not careful."

You thank the man and his team, but they brush off your gratitude.  "Non, non!" the man with the accent says.  "As zey say, everyone gets ONE." With that, he touches the watch on his wrist and disappears.  The rest of the group continues on their way.

As they leave, the giant with the chain gun yells in a horribly accented manner, "YOU LEAVE SANDVICH ALONE! SANDVICH IS MINE!"

With that, another hail of bullets break the scene as they walk away, leaving you safe from the minotaur, but utterly baffled as to what in hell just happened.